Chapter 29: The Courage To Continue

Thursday, July 5, 2012, Morning, Sakura's POV

As I arrived at school before Yu-kun did, I looked around to make sure that he was nowhere near, and no one else was watching. Once I'd confirmed both things walked up to his locker, and produced the envelope that contained my letter, which in turn expressed the feelings within my heart. As I looked around to double-check to see whether anyone could see me, I briefly hesitated as I thought of everything that might go wrong- Yu-kun might reject me, his parents or mine might disapprove, and all manner of other things could happen.

In spite of my doubts and fears, I pressed on, and not just because having a sealed love letter in my bags might come off as suspicious. The other day, Yu-kun had told me how he believed that people could not go through life remaining quiet about what they believed out of fear of how others would respond. As I slid the letter into his locker, I knew that the die was cast, and no matter how things played out, I had no intention of backing down or denying what I had expressed to him.

When I reached the third floor, I saw Hitomi-san. Since I was already nervous about the prospect of dropping off the love letter, I couldn't help but feel self-conscious, but to my relief, she asked me if I'd run into Kaoru-kun or Kenji-kun. Unfortunately, the answer was no, so we wouldn't likely make any progress on their dispute today, but I soon learned that Yu-kun had talked to him.

Once school ended, I went straight home, anxiously awaiting my meeting with Yu-kun tomorrow. Perhaps I would not necessarily get what I wanted, but even if this were the case, I believed that any regret I would feel would not compare to not taking this opportunity to reveal my feelings to him.


Friday, July 6, 2012, Morning

I woke up the next morning somewhat groggy, as I had been too nervous to sleep until I was too tired to stay awake. I was a bit behind schedule, but I kept up with my morning routine of taking a shower, knowing that discipline was important to keep up good habits. At the very least, since makeup was not allowed at my school, I didn't have to spend any time putting it on.

I dried myself off and then started changing into my uniform. When I'd started wearing it, the process seemed overly cumbersome, and the teachers seemed somewhat finicky, but now that I'd gotten used to it, I almost wished that women would have to wear ties with their business attire, since I liked the look and didn't want this skill that I mastered to go to waste.

I ran a comb through my hair. Since I'd grown it out, it had gotten to be more difficult to maintain, but once I finished, I was satisfied with my appearance.

Rushing out of the house, I headed to school.

"Morning, Sakura!" a girl said. Turning around, I immediately recognized her as Miyuki-san.

"Good morning, Miyuki-san," I said. "How have you been lately?"

We made small talk for a few minutes. I didn't mention Yu-kun at all in the conversation- not the love letter I left in his locker yesterday nor the feelings for him I'd harbored for the better part of two years. It wasn't that I didn't trust her- the truth was that I simply wasn't ready to talk about loving Yu-kun, and definitely had no desire to prematurely declare victory.

For most people, this sort of casual conversation was something they did without thinking about it, and Shizune-san in particular was adept at talking to random students as if they were her friends, while still remaining polite to them. For me, however, it was something I'd only become confident doing recently, and because of someone who'd done the same for me.

I entered the school, and caught a glimpse of the classroom where I'd spent the first year. I was still in a hurry, so i ascended the stairs as quickly as the rule prohibiting running would allow, but my memories went back two years into the past.


Friday, May 4, 2010, Morning

The morning I met Yu-kun began like any other. I'd had a decent night's sleep, but felt less prepared on my best day back then than I did on a bad day this year. School had been going on for a month, but I didn't feel at all used to it.

I buttoned up my shirt and put on my skirt, but while a part of me wanted to just call it quits there, I knew the rules required a few extra steps. I then tucked my shirt into my skirt, did a somewhat hasty job tying my necktie and slipped on my blazer.

My dad stopped me at the door and helped me with my tie.

"Thanks, Dad," I said. "I think I'm starting to see what you have to put up with every day."

"It gets easier over time, Sakura," Dad said. "I'm sure that with time and hard work, you'll get it sooner or later."

Dad gave an encouraging smile, but I found it hard to accept. Looking at myself in the uniform, I realized that tying my tie wasn't the only problem I had. I didn't feel comfortable in the uniform at all, which seemed a bit tight on my wider than average body, and the necktie in particular felt like a hangman's noose, an analogy not helped by the fact that one girl had apparently hanged herself with her uniform's necktie last year after having been cruelly bullied.

Things weren't quite so bad for me, although I did occasionally have to deal with being called "fatso" and all other manner of names, but it did make me wonder. Did the teachers, other staff and disciplinary members, many of whom had been or were currently honor students, understand what it meant to have trouble in school? Did the teachers who taught their subjects and the students who aced every test remember what it felt like to be ignorant, or to struggle how to grasp a subject? Did those with the power to punish anyone who looked at them incorrectly ever realize what it felt like to feel powerless against those who wronged you?

While I eventually found the strength and courage to confront those problems, I don't think I ever found answers to the question of whether the authority figures understood them. Back then, the only solace I had was the belief that I could and would change, even if I didn't yet know how.


Lunch Time

As lunch began, I once again set out to eat alone. Since my grades were merely above average, I was only barely passing PE and didn't play sports, and I was not what most would see as attractive, I didn't have many people who would be interested in going out to eat with me.

Much to my surprise, Yu-kun- or Narukami-kun, as I called him when we were still acquaintances- walked up to me.

"Hi, Takahashi-san," Narukami-kun said. "You want to get some lunch with me?"

"I... I'd like to," I said, "but I'm a bit surprised at you making this invitation, Narukami-kun."

"Well, I normally have two guys I like to go with, but neither's available today," Narukami-kun said. "So I looked around, and you didn't have anyone else to eat with, either, so you seemed like a good person to have for lunch."

I nodded. Some would assume that Yu-kun was acting out of pity, but it was clear that he had some understanding of my situation from personal experience. One of the most fundamental treatments of good behavior was to treat others as you wanted to be treated, so perhaps he eagerly extended an invitation to include others in his groups of friends just as he hoped to be included himself.


We then sat together and started to eat. Before long, Narukami-kun broke the silence.

"So, Sakura, if I may?" Narukami-kun said.

"Y-yes?" I said.

"No need to be so formal," Narukami-kun said. "You can call me Yu if you want."

"All right... Yu-kun," I said.

"Good," Yu-kun said. "So, Sakura, do you have many people you hang out with a lot here?"

I shook my head.

"Not really," I said. "I know a girl named Ayanokouji-san in Class 1-3. We've talked sometimes, but I haven't had the chance to eat lunch with her."

Hitomi-san was one of the few people I'd spoken with much at all, and in truth, she was about as casual an acquaintance as Yu-kun was at this point. She'd hinted that some people were in awe of her family status, but most found her unapproachable, so she didn't know anyone well besides me.

"I see," Yu-kun said. "Are you new in this town or something? Not only is this a new school, but it hasn't been that long since I moved here."

"No, I've lived here all my life," I said. "Why do you ask?"

Yu-kun paused in thought.

"It's hard for me to build up lasting friendships with people given how often I have to move," Yu-kun said. "It's a bit like trying to paint a highly detailed painting on a canvas that erases itself every so often. After a while, you stop becoming invested in your drawings, and when you do draw, it's a halfhearted and perfunctory sketch, more a way to kill time than a work of art."

"Some people can only manage that much," I said. To this day, I'm not sure whether I was more thinking about drawing or making friends.

Yu-kun solemnly nodded a moment. What I was saying was a bit of a somber thought.

"But all the same, you haven't given up, right?" Yu-kun said. "I think that sort of resolve's admirable in and of itself, regardless of success or failure."

I was left speechless for a moment. I'd never expected to hear that sort of praise from my teachers, who'd lavished praise on my more talented peers in class and demanded that I push myself harder in PE. For people whose job it is to teach children, they were considerably more focused on how I fell short than the efforts I was putting in. I never forgot this even after I improved my grades and earned more glowing evaluations from my teachers, but I did gain the persistence to improve myself even if teachers only cared about results.

Yu-kun didn't realize it at the time, but hearing that made me want to try a bit harder, so that I could prove that I was worthy of the kind words he had said. Perhaps he would not always be watching me, but if I could prove him right, it would all be worthwhile.


Friday, March 4, 2011, Morning

Over the next several months, I became acquainted with Kaoru-kun and Kenji-kun. In spite of some initial awkwardness around them in the first few meetings, I gradually grew comfortable conversing with them, but never quite bonded with them the same way I did with Yu-kun or even Hitomi-san, who eventually became a more regular participant in our meetings. Unfortunately, just as Hitomi-san's teachers praised her for her attendance, conduct in class and little else, while she did often meet with my male friends, she never got very close to them, possibly because her family might have become suspicious. Still, while Yu-kun might not have considered this close friendship, it was far beyond what I had in the past.

All this ended at the start of March. Hitomi-san approached me one day as I walked to school, when I'd been absent the previous day.

"Good morning, Ayanokouji-san," I said.

"Good morning, Takahashi-san," Hitomi-san said. "Are you feeling a bit better today?"

"Yes, thank you," I said. "Unlike on Tuesday, I was able to keep my breakfast down. How have things been at school?"

Hitomi-san sighed.

"I have some unpleasant news, Takahashi-san," Hitomi-san said. "According to Mr. Sasaki, Narukami-kun is transferring out for the next year. Yesterday, he asked me to tell you, since I was likely to see you."

I froze where I stood, and stammered for a few moments.

"Why?" I said, one question spoken out loud that referenced the myriad questions I had on my mind.

"Mr. Sasaki didn't go into many details, nor did Narukami-kun," Hitomi-san said, "but apparently, it's because of his parents' work."

I was hardly surprised. Perhaps this was somewhat unfamiliar to Hitomi-san, whose family had lived in Minagi for generations, but I remembered Yu-kun mentioning this often.

"Well... that's not all of what I wanted to ask," I said. "Why didn't Yu-kun tell us?"

"Perhaps he thought it would be easier," Hitomi-san said. "He did once say that he had transferred many times in the past, so even if this was a sudden development, he had most likely anticipated it."

Something stirred within me. I'd always been the sort to passively go through life and let things happen as they would, if only because I did not believe I could influence the outcome into one more favorable to me, but I found the idea of being parted from my friends depressing. Back then, I was highly invested in my friends, largely because it had taken me a long time to make them and I did not know when I could do so again. Perhaps this was what Yu-kun had felt all these years, and now that I'd finally understood, I'd soon have to say goodbye to him.


After school

After class let out, I stood at the gates, waiting to summon the courage to face Yu-kun, when he casually walked up to me, almost oblivious to the possibility that we might be seeing each other for the last time.

"Oh, hello, Sakura," Yu-kun said from behind me.

I hastily turned around and saw him there.

"Oh, h-hi, Yu-k-kun," I said.

"Sorry about that," Yu-kun said. "Did I startle you?"

"I... I wasn't expecting you to come up behind me like this," I said, "especially not on your last day here."

"Well, we happened to run into each other by chance, so I couldn't just walk away without saying anything," Yu-kun said. "It's kind of awkward to say goodbye, but I couldn't just ignore you."

"Oh," I said. "I suppose you're probably used to leaving your old schools by now, but this is the first time I've had to say goodbye to a friend."

"Friend, huh?" Yu-kun said. "Sorry to make you go through this, Sakura."

I shook my head.

"No, I'm grateful that I was able to meet you, Yu-kun," I said. "I've made some friends since we met, and hope to make even more in the future, but you'll always be special to me as my first. Please remember that, along with the friendship we had."

"I promise," Yu-kun said.

We stood in silence for a few moments, unwilling to part ways, but not sure what else we could say or do. Finally, Yu-kun spoke.

"Well, I should probably be going," Yu-kun said. "Take care of yourself, Sakura, and I hope you and the rest of the gang fare well."

With a wave, Yu-kun and I parted ways, and I couldn't help but feel disappointed. Both our first and last encounters this year were half the result of chance, half the result of Yu-kun taking the initiative, and in no way of my own doing. I was grateful that it had happened, but had no desire to simply wait for the next time.

As Yu-kun walked away, for what I hoped would not be the last time, I made a resolution to myself. The next time I saw him, I would be the one who called out to him to greet him and show him how much I had changed while I was away. The next time such a fortunate meeting happened, I would make my own luck.


April 12, 2011, Morning

The new year started, and I looked myself over in the mirror before walking to school. I'd lost a bit of weight over the spring break, but while I felt a sense of accomplishment, I felt bit empty, like someone who set a personal record while running without anyone else watching on the track. Still, the uniform felt more like a comfortable routine now, and I was grateful that I didn't have to worry about dressing myself.

On the way to school, I met up with Hitomi-san, who ended up being the only friend from my old group I ended up seeing with any sort of regularity over the course of the year.

"Is something on your mind, Takahashi-san?" Hitomi-san said after we exchanged greetings.

"Well, it's Yu-kun," I said. "I feel as though I haven't changed all that much in the time we've known each other. Perhaps it's too late, but I want to change now, to become someone he'd be proud of."

"That's a good goal," Hitomi-san said. "I don't know how exactly you could achieve it, since it seems to be more of a journey than a destiation, but Narukami-kun would be proud to know that you're working toward it."

"Thank you very much, Ayanokouji-san," I said.

I appreciated Hitomi-san's kind words, but at the same time, I'd hoped to hear them from Yu-kun. Hitomi-san was a kind and honest person, so I had no doubt that she meant what she said, but at the same time, she could not speak for Yu-kun, especially not when she was the most distant from him out of all our group.

Of course, while Hitomi-san was closest with me, there seemed to be a certain line that she was unwilling to cross. I knew her well enough to be aware of her family's plans to marry her off, and while I suspected this would mean we would have to part ways someday, I didn't see any reason why we couldn't be closer friends until that day came. With that in mind, I decided to make a simple yet bold request of her as a friend.

"And one more thing, Ayanokouji-san," I said. "Would you mind if we used each other's first names?."

Hitomi-san smiled and nodded.

"All you needed to do was ask, Sakura-san," she said. "Please do not hesitate to ask what you will of me."

"I will, Hitomi-san," I said.

That idea- that there were opportunities waiting for me if I had the initiative to take them- resonated with me deeply. I remembered Hitomi-san's offer when I asked Shizune to go to first-name basis, and did so again when I left my confession to Yu-kun.


Tuesday, May 17, 2011, Lunch Time

Several weeks passed, and I took the first exams of my second year. It was the first time I felt confident about a high school exam, and apparently, my confidence was well-founded. Shizune-san called me to lunch the day after grades were posted.

"I saw your results on the latest exams, Sakura," Shizune-san said. "Fifteenth place is quite impressive, and a large improvement over your previous results."

"Thank you, Shizune-san," I said, "although I still have a long way to catch up to reach your position."

"I actually don't think you're that far off," Shizune said, "or at the very least, you're where I need you to be."

"For what?" I said. "Might it be your student council president campaign?"

Shizune-san nodded. She'd told me about her plans before, and had always sounded quite serious about them, even back when they seemed like a mere pipe dream. When I told her that, she'd chuckled, and said that she had to be if she hoped to make them reality.

"I need a talented, intelligent treasurer to help me out when I run for student council," Shizune-san said. "I'd also like someone I know, although you're probably the only person among the people I approached who I can actually call a friend. Of course, while we're on the job, I can't treat you any differently from anyone else, and the same goes for you. With that in mind, do you accept this offer, not from a friend but as a candidate for student council president?"

I nodded enthusiastically. The last bit was all I needed to hear- that I was not granted this opportunity merely out of friendship or pity, but out of trust in my abilities.

"I do, President!" I said.

Shizune-san chuckled.

"Well, I"m not there yet, but that is some impressive confidence you have in me," Shizune-san said.

"It's something of a new thing for me," I said. "That said, I do find it easier to go through life with it, so the least I can do is offer it to a friend."

"Is that so?" Shizune-san said. "Well, I won't let you down."

"That's my line," I said. "Few people have expected much of me, so when they do, it's my duty to make sure their trust was not misplaced."

Together, and with the rest of our colleagues on our team, we succeeded, and Shizune-san became President Yagami. It was a bit of an adjustment to put our friendship aside while on the job, a bit like what Yu-kun's friends and kouhais, Takahashi-san and Kajiki-san did, but since I respected the president and shared her goals, I was able to do whatever she asked of me.


March 20, 2012, Daytime

Months passed, and my grades and self-confidence rose while my weight and the amount of times I saw my old friends decreased. Over the summer, I'd made the mistake of jumping into a relationship, a story that I'm somewhat embarrassed to talk about. In hindsight, I suspect that all this time, I was still yearning for Yu-kun, and saw my first boyfriend as a pale substitute for my first love.

The Student Council reconvened in school for a session prior to the start of the year. Even though it was officially closed, we were essentially bound by all of the relevant rules- we had to come in on time and wearing our uniforms, and leave once our business was concluded.

"Here's your class roster for next year, Treasurer," the president said. "Unfortunately, we won't be together, but there's always lunch and Student Council sessions."

I glanced over the list, disappointed. However, that was tempered as I realized that i couldn't simply socialize with Shizune-san in class, and faded entirely when I saw Yu-kun's name.

"Wait, Yu-kun's coming back here?" I said.

"He is," the president said. "He's transferring back after a year at a school called Yasogami High School. You seem familiar with him, although I guess he never told you."

I sighed. It was depressing to admit that we'd fallen out of contact, and that neither of us had considered our friendship important enough to keep in touch, but that was the truth. Yu-kun hadn't forwarded where he was staying, and I hadn't asked, partly because I was still worried that I'd be refused.

Within a few weeks, I saw Yu-kun again in homeroom as the semester started. I was happy to see him, and even happier that he remembered me, but somehow, the greatest happiness I sought eluded me, and it took me a while to understand why.


July 6, 2012, Lunch Time

I'd come a long way since Yu-kun had transferred out. I'd changed my appearance, increased my confidence, made some friends outside of my social circle, improved my grades and become a stronger person. Unfortunately, I'd lost touch with Kaoru-kun and Kenji-kun, but judging by Yu-kun's difficulties, it wasn't solely my problem- he was simply the only one of us who tried to do something about it. That fact pained him, and so I decided to help out by talking to Kaoru-kun.

At the time, I wanted Yu-kun to acknowledge me, but over time, I realized there was more to it than that. It was true that I wasn't as close to Kaoru-kun or Kenji-kun as I was to Yu-kun, and I realized it was because neither of them were as special to me as he was. He was a person who showed me great kindness, reached out to me and acknowledged my efforts when hardly anyone else would, and was an admirable person in many other ways... but unfortunately, he had yet to realize that I viewed him this way.

Of course, if I wanted to act, I had to do it soon. The five of us had come to the uncomfortable realization that our time together was short, which was something I knew ever since I saw Yu-kun again.

Confessing to him was another matter, though, since I feared that I would lose my friendship with him in the process. But when tensions rose between Kaoru-kun and Kenji-kun, Yu-kun believed that they had to confront their disagreements to remain friends, even if they ended up fighting. It was clear that he saw an element of cowardice in people who denied their feelings, so now, it was up to me to be honest with him.

At lunch, I noticed Yu-kun get up and excuse himself before long. While a knot formed in my stomach, I knew that my confession likely took him off guard, so it was unfair to expect him to enthusiastically say yes.

As he left, Hitomi-san turned to me as we sat next to each other at the table.

"You and Yu-kun seem to be acting strangely around each other, today, Sakura-san," Hitomi-san said. "It's not like you to be so awkward around one another."

"Well, it's probably my fault," I said. "How would you expect Yu to react after getting a love letter from me in his locker?"

Hitomi's eyes widened briefly, but then she composed herself, and had a calm expression on her face, one worn by someone who understood what was being said.

"I... think I always knew to some degree that you felt that way about Yu-kun," Hitomi-san said. "It's not hard to see why, and I'm personally rooting for you."

"Thank you, Hitomi-san," I said.

"Are you nervous?" Hitomi-san said.

"Well, at this point, I've done almost everything I can, save for actually showing up to the meeting, and it's all up to Yu-kun now," I said. "At least, that's what I keep telling myself."

"I see," Hitomi-san said. "I suppose I wouldn't know what it would be like to be rejected, what with the way my family does things- not even my fiance has a say in it."

"Maybe not," I said. "But even if you and your fiance have to get married, it doesn't necessarily work out just because your folks want it to, does it?"

Hitomi-san shook her head. Some might assume that being married off without any choice in the matter might result in a loveless marriage, but there were some such relationships that couldn't even hope to survive on that level.

"My current... arrangement was not my intended's family's first choice," Hitomi-san said. "They'd set up something with another family, but it was called off as a result of a personality clash between him and the other woman. As for my family, they had always wanted to marry me off, but had considered other choices until now."

I had to wonder what sort of alternatives Hitomi-san had. I still had time to decide on my career and find my true love if Yu-kun rejected or broke up with me. For Hitomi-san, however, the rest of her life would begin in a few short months, and would seemingly require her to part ways with us. Hitomi-san had often made it clear that there was nothing we could do for her but make the most of our own lives, even if she wasn't in them.

"I see," I said. "I really don't get how your family does things, but all I can say at this point is that I appreciate having the freedom to choose my husband for myself."

"That's a good perspective, Sakura-san," Hitomi-san said. "For what it's worth, I think Yu-kun is a good choice, one whom I... I would believe would work well with you."

I noticed Hitomi-san tremble a moment. While she was more comfortable around me than virtually anyone else outside of her family, there were things she found difficult to discuss. I found it natural that some people would have secrets they wanted to keep- Yu-kun had always been somewhat hesitant to talk about Inaba around us- so I chose not to press Hitomi-san on it.

"I appreciate hearing that, Hitomi-san," I said.

Hitomi-san nodded appreciatively, evidently composing herself a little.

"Still, I am curious about something, Sakura-san," Hitomi-san said. "Does Yu-kun have a girlfriend? Out of everyone in our group, you seem closest to him, so I thought you would know."

I shrugged and shook my head.

"Well... actually not," I said. "To be honest, I was kind of afraid of what he'd say, so i didn't have the nerve to ask. As for him, he's never talked much about Inaba or the people he's met in it. He seemed like he was happy there, so I don't think he's trying to forget it. Maybe he's trying to be considerate of our feelings?"

"That's possible," Hitomi-san said. "And you are not at all worried about how he will respond to your confession?"

"That's not it at all," I said. "I'm more worried about that than anything else. I couldn't even concentrate in class this morning. One way or another, though, I'll get a resolution this afternoon. If he says yes, I'll do what I can to make our relationship work, and if not... I'll learn to live with it."

Hitomi-san nodded approvingly, and gave a sincere, if partly forced, smile. She knew full well what it meant to make sacrifices and live with the outcome, so she was clearly hoping that things would work out for me, but relieved that I was prepared for the worst-case scenario and had the courage to continue even if I was rejected outright.

"I'm glad to hear that," Hitomi-san said. "Good luck, Sakura-san."

"Thank you, Hitomi-san," I said. "I'll do my best."

I was prepared for rejection, but believed I would never forgive myself if I let this opportunity slip through my fingers. It had taken me long enough to understand my feelings for Yu-kun, and too long to summon the courage to tell him about them, so I no longer had any time to waste.


After School

Immediately after school let out, I hurried to the meeting spot. Once there, I couldn't help but take out my handheld mirror and check myself over, even though I'd already checked myself in the bathroom on the way out, and couldn't help but feel anxious for Yu-kun to show up, even though I'd gotten there early myself, even considering that I'd set it so that he'd have barely enough time to make it there before the "adjusted" meeting time.

Yu-kun then arrived, and my heart fluttered with hope. He understood my message, and had chosen not to feign ignorance- the easier and safer route for those who wanted to reject their confessors- but had chosen to face me directly. I hoped that he would accept my feelings, but while I knew it was possible that he would reject me and was afraid he would, that fear no longer held me back. Now, the only thing left to do was to hear his answer, and once I did, I could take everything else one step at a time.


Author's Notes

Thank you for the reviews and follows, as well as helping me exceed 10,000 views.

This chapter's a bit earlier than the others since I had it ready more quickly, and once it's published, I can move on to the conclusion of the confession arc, and on to the later parts of the "Early Summer" part of the story.

I'd had some parts of this chapter written up a while ago (since it's an important part of Sakura's character arc), while I was planning this draft. I had to edit out some parts from an earlier version of Hitomi's arc, in which her relationship with Keiichiro was happier than it is in this version. This chapter, however, is intended to capture Sakura's essence- she's changed a lot over the past year and is grateful to Yu for it, but still is less assertive than he is, and more likely to be resigned to the less pleasant aspects of life, such as saying goodbye to Hitomi by the end of the year.

The title and phrase used by Sakura comes from a Winston Churchill quote: "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts."

Mr. Sasaki is my name for the teacher from the introductory cutscene who announces that Yu is transferring out.

The next chapter will switch to Yu's POV and deal with the actual confession and aftermath.

Edited to fix a few typos and add in the time of day.