I decided to put this into an own 'interlude', an irregular chapter, as it just would not fit, mood-wise, at the end of the last chapter. This also allows it to get the space and hopefully attention it deserves, despite being too short for a regular chapter - and it gives me some more time to spend on the next chapter, heh.
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When the squad returned to the central hub of Rift Station, they discovered that Han Olar and the captured Binary Helix guard, freed from his restraints by the volus, had somehow managed to carry away all the corpses. How they had managed to do so in the short time, and how Han Olar figured he could trust the guard Shepard did not know. However, he appreciated it very much.
The squad decided to set up camp there for the moment being. Once the storm over Peak 15 would settle down there was actually a very easy way to return to the Normandy - using the captured Mako, they could jump aboard as they had done so often with the ship's original one.
"Consider it me requisitioning it under my authority as Citadel Spectre," Shepard had explained grinning. There had been no protests. After all they had seen, nobody cared all that much about the Noveria corporations' precious property.
However, for the moment the storms were still sweeping too strong through the Skadi Mountains to attempt such a jump. The squad had to wait, and decided that Rift Station, with all its remaining supplies, was much better suited for that than half-destroyed Central Station, where the Mako was parked.
Over the course of an hour, the people had dispersed over the facility. Liara had stated the need to be alone, and nobody knew where she was. Han Olar was still in sight, but was completely withdrawn into himself. He did not seem to regard his surroundings at all. Ashley and Wrex stood together in a far away corner of the room. Shepard could only imagine they were grumbling together about his decision to let the rachni queen live. They also kept the Binary Helix guard close to them and always kept an eye on him.
Shepard and Tali sat together in another corner, leaned against each other. Shepard had removed his helmet and his upper body armour. The removed parts now lay cluttered around him. Neither he nor the quarian spoke for a long time. What he wanted now was a bit of comfortable calm after all the atrocities he had just witnessed. Everywhere I go, there's evil. What a messed up galaxy.
After a while he spoke up: "At least our mission was productive. Who knew we'd end up with data about a short cut to Ilos here?" Tali made an agreeing sound, but did not say anything. Shepard continued: "But as for this world - I don't even want to know what they do in all the other laboratory facilities on the planet."
"What they did here was bad enough," Tali said. "Just to set it in relation - Peak 15 alone could probably house ten thousands of quarians. And it's all wasted on mad science projects."
"Yeah," Shepard agreed. "On such nice items as creating an army of slave children or developing bioweapons." He paused. "This is a pretty extensive facility, isn't it?"
"I've seen some of the equipment they have here," Tali stated, "Rooms for electronic analysis, rooms for physics simulations, clean rooms for their more sensitive projects..."
"Clean rooms, eh?" Shepard repeated grinning. "I see. Maybe we should return to here one day then."
He had this meant only as a joke to lighten the mood. However, Tali responded: "Actually..."
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Tali had an urgent desire to get off this damned world. Geth, rachni, krogan, asari commandos. Mad science, indoctrination, the rachni queen. It was all too much. The mission had been very exhausting to her.
She could understand why Ashley and Wrex had wanted the rachni queen dead. Ashley's reasoning had resonated with her. If Shepard had decided to put safety first, and eliminate the rachni as a threat, she would not have blamed him. That was why she had brought up Binary Helix' reasoning in installing the tanks. Setting them off would certainly have been the choice her father would have made - not out of malice or racism, but simple to minimize dangers. It would have been the pragmatical choice - but as always, Shepard had not greatly cared about pragmatism. And that resonated with her far more, especially because it was such a contrast to what she was used to on the Migrant Fleet. It was as it should be - doing the right things, instead of being constrained by 'necessity' and 'pragmatism'.
However, she was still surprised how much Shepard had sympathized with the rachni. She realized that purely rationally he was right, since the rachni were sapient creatures. However, emotionally she just could not muster the same empathy. Sympathizing with large bugs just went beyond her imagination. Nonetheless, saving the Queen had been the right thing to do. One did not need to feel every right decision. Shepard, though, was all about feeling in such issues - feeling the crimes done to victims, their plights, the injustice of it all. And it seemed he had felt enough with the rachni. In a way, he was still a mysterious being to her. Not that she disliked that. Not at all.
At the moment she sat comfortably nestled against him, enjoying his presence, building up psychical reserves again after the difficult mission. She had to admit, it was a nice way to end a mission. They just sat there, and had some light conversation.
"Clean rooms, eh?" Shepard joked in response to something she had said. "I see. Maybe we should return to here one day then."
It was clear he just wanted to make her nervous again. But to her that was more serious. "Actually..." she said. "Actually, we maybe should have a look at them." Shepard paused. His confused face would have made her laugh normally, but now she just pressed on: "On the Citadel you can get pretty much everything. Including all pharmacological items one can imagine. So I used what little time we had there to make some... acquisitions. Immuno-boosters, herbal supplements and the like."
"I... but with the mission just over..." Shepard stumbled.
Now Tali did grin. "Aren't you getting a bit ahead of yourself?" she teased. More seriously, she continued. "It's not about that. It's about - I've been able to watch you ever since I came aboard. We might both be crazy, but at least I've always known just how you look. Now I think you should get the same chance."
Tali knew this all came kind of sudden and out of the blue, but that was because they had an opportunity to use here. And it was an important issue for her. She trusted Shepard. She had not shown her face to anybody since she had gotten her first envirosuit, but now she wanted to show it to Shepard. It had not even be prudery which had kept her face hidden all the years, as it was with some quarians (and the local ship culture of the Rayya did not consider faces all that intimate, anyway), but simply pragmatism. There never had been any reason to leave the protective shell of the suit. That would simply have been foolish risk-taking for no gain - or so she had thought back on the Flotilla; entirely on the line of thought of her father.
Now, though, now she wanted to be a bit foolish, wanted to throw off the mental shackles that had been around her all her life. Most of all she wanted to remove the barrier of her helmet, of her visor, between Shepard and her, at least for some time. At least for long enough that he would even know what she looked like. That was important to her. She was nervous. About the prospect of removing her visor in somebody's else presence for the first time ever, about possible health risks, minimal as they might be in such an environment and with the right pharmacological preparation, but mostly about how Shepard would react. She knew that any sort of rejection, even if not voiced, would hurt. And yet - she wanted to create at least some closeness between her and Shepard. That was more important than any other concerns. She had too strong feelings for him to let her sorrows and fears get into the way, and she did trust him.
"I..." Shepard began to answer. He looked her straight into the eyes, through the obscuration of the visor. "I would very much like so." It sounded so serious, and yet longing in a way. Genuinely sincere. "But... there are still risks, aren't there?"
"There are always are," Tali replied. She was alleviated that Shepard seemed to genuinely want this, too. That was more important than the risks. If she had deemed them too great she would not have brought up the matter, anyway. "Better to face them now than before the next big mission." She stood up, to speed up the process.
Shepard smiled and did likewise. "You have a point there," he said. He turned to her. Oddly, he looked somewhat abashed. "Tali, I... You told me how important such gestures are in quarian society. I'm no quarian, but I... I want you to know that this is important for me, too. To remove a further obstacle between us."
She believed him. How could I not? Worldlessly, she took his hand, this oddly broad and flat hand with too many fingers, and led him away. The pharmaceuticals she had purchased on the Citadel were already safely stored in her enviosuit's system. She had it inject them into her body. This was one of the many useful functions of the suit, and given the weakness quarian immune systems even a very important one.
However, it was all a bit too pragmatical - having to use the opportunity here, right after a mission, having to use a research lab that would be sterile not only in the sense of no germs, injecting the medicines. There was not very much romanticism about it. She found it odd how that bothered her, since she had always been very pragmatical in outlook, but she felt there should be more to it. She had never felt the same for anybody that she was feeling for Shepard (which was odd and problematic enough all in itself, given that he was an alien) so to her this meant this should be special, somehow.
Not that this would have changed anything. She was determined to go through with this. This is a unique chance and if I... As soon as she and Shepard had entered the room, Shepard passionately closed his arms around her from behind and hugged her tightly. Tali's slight depression about the utilitarian nature of it all just - disappeared.
Shepard bowed his head down to her and whispered softly: "I have you, and I don't think I'll let go of you soon." Every time Shepard reassured her of this, of his feelings for her, was still special to Tali. It still managed to make her feel fluttery. When she didn't answer, Shepard continued: "And I think I'm very lucky that I have you."
The fact that such words could be aimed at her, the fact that they came from Shepard, and the sheer aspect of 'love conquers all' behind it - that all worked together to create a dazzling emotional high for Tali. "I'm very lucky that you have me," she murmured in response.
Slowly, she turned around in his arms. She looked deeply into his eyes. They were not as lively as quarian eyes - while the mask did strengthen the effect, even without it quarian eyes has some luminosity on their own. On the other hand, human eyes appeared so much more detailed. And human facial expressions - Tali was always amazed how much Shepard could convey with them. That soft look he had now, full of trust and longing... how could she not respond to such obvious feelings in kind?
They had stood or laid so before, looking at each other, but always with the mask in the way. This will change now. She fumbled her hands out of Shepard's hug. They were trembling, something the human immediately noticed. Before it could reach her face, one of her hands was taken by one of his. His thumb stroke over its backside, strong enough that she could feel it through her glove. "No haste," he whispered. "I'm here. Take your time. I'm here"
Tali felt soothed, secure, snug. Maybe we two are all that's needed to make this 'special'. She nestled herself tighter against Shepard. When she looked up again she determined that this should be the moment now. She breathed out. She would show her face the first time ever as an adult, she would expose her fragile immune system to Shepard, she would... she hesitated. She wanted that, but now that the moment had come, it was all a bit much.
She broke the comfortable silence with words bursting forth from her. "I... I've never removed my mask for anybody before." She spoke in a rapid speed. "I've minimized the risks, but they're still there, and this makes me nervous. It's stupid I know, it's not like we're going to... - but it is new to me, and whenever I'm nervous I talk too much. It's a defence mechanism and it's stupid, but..."
Shepard interrupted her softly. "I told you before it's cute, not stupid" he said smiling. Slowly, he raised her hand, which he still held. Gently, he led it towards her face. She understood. She took the final move, and loosened her masks lock. There was a hissing sound as air escaped from her helmet. And then, she took the mask off.
Slight panic rose in her again - but then she saw Shepard's reaction. He smiled. Finally, this barrier was removed between them, and he smiled. This made her forgot all worries - what was important now was that there was nothing between them anymore. Long penned up desire broke free in force. Her hands darted forward, and took Shepard's head. His smile made way for an almost comical look of surprise, and then an almost cocky grin. Tali wiped it off by kissing him.
It was... fantastic. For a species reputed to be so brash and aggressive, humans seemed to have surprisingly soft skin, and soft lips. That was the last thought that entered Tali's mind before she lost herself entirely in the moment. Details like that or the surprisingly short human tongue did not register anymore - only the sensuality of the moment and the physical closeness to Shepard did. For Tali, who had gone throughout all her life considerate of every detail around her, self-analytical of every thought in her head, and rational about every approach she took it was new, it was exciting and it was all around fantastic.
Her mask was the only thing she had removed, and yet even so, after she had worn it for the majority of more than a decade, it was almost an overflow of senses assaulting her mind. She desired ever more of it, though. She pushed Shepard against a wall, stemmed an arm against it, and pressed herself ever tighter against the human. He's mine.
It was almost a shock for her to have such a thought, so selfish and simply wildly inappropriate. However, she had little control over her whirling vortex of thoughts anymore. It had come up, and had been lost again, and thinking so had felt so natural. She wanted more - more senses, more closeness, more time like this. She simply wanted ever more.
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On the way to the room Shepard had noticed how Tali seemed to move stiffly. Quarian gait could be a bit funny to human eyes now and then, but most of the time Shepard could find elegance in it. Then, though, Tali had appeared to have lost all of it. She's nervous, Shepard had realized. That really had tugged his heart strings in quite many different ways. It was exclusively her who would bear any consequences of this, and yet she had even proposed it in the first place. It was probably all a bit foolish and unreasonable, yet Shepard could not not deny that he wanted this. And so did she, enough to overcome any nervousness.
And so he wanted to make it worthwhile.
Tali revealing her face had been almost magical - which was an almost absurd thought: Before meeting her Shepard would never even have considered that such an act could hold such importance. Her face was undeniably alien. However, quarians were not so different that Shepard would have had to suppress the urge to run away screaming, and besides, he had searched the extranet on how quarians looked already. There had hence been no great surprise to her face, but then, the moment was significant enough even without that. Shepard did not know how Tali would look to other quarians, but to him she looked simply beautiful. And, more importantly, it was her.
Her kiss was surprisingly rough, at least at first - wild and full of enthusiasm untempered by experience. Quarian skin seemed to be a bit stiffer than human skin, but Shepard did not dwell on that fact. Rather, his tongue tried its best to keep up with hers. She had him pinned against the wall, and he felt a vague joy seeing her so aggressive. She rarely kept thinking of herself enough.
As she pressed tighter against him, Shepard grabbed Tali's legs and lifted her up. She almost seemed too focused on their mouths not losing contact to even notice, though her legs did swing around his waist. Eventually, he sat her her on a table, freeing up his hands. He began to softly caress her face. That simple touch elicited a muffled moan from her. Shepard understood: For her all those sensations were unknown, new.
He slowed down, tried to become softer. An overwhelming emotion hit him, a feeling of care toward Tali, almost a need on his part to be tender to her. I love her. An unbidden thought, but nonetheless true. At other times it might have been scary, considering what it entailed, but now it just felt natural, right. I love her. And he wanted to show that.
Tali broke the kiss. She undid her entire helmet, laying her head free. Like most races, quarians had no hair, but the upper side of their heads was instead covered by rather intriguing... - Shepard did not actually know what it was. It looked like colourful skin flaps, but giving it such a prosaic and ugly name would do it injustice. While he did not quite know what it was, he had no problem with appreciating it.
His face came close to hers again. "Beautiful," he whispered under his breath and began plaster her neck with kisses. He felt two strong fingers under his chin. He looked up. Tali had also removed her gloves and began caressing his face. He took one of the hands and kissed it. Tali's other hand stroke all over his upper body, while her mouth now began to work on his neck. It was clear that she wanted to gather as much sense and feeling as possible, and Shepard would be damned if this was not going to happen.
Another wave of emotion surged through him, and a more complete realization: This is serious. This is... goddamn serious. I love her.
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Tali felt carried away by the rush of sensation. Her mouth wandered all over Shepard's face, and her hands all over his body, and the human returned the favour. Emotions welled up inside her. Her heart reached out for Shepard. Of all the things she felt, the closeness to him was the central sensation, the most electrifying one. It felt good being with him like this; it felt right. She could not say how much time had passed. She was probably sitting on her desk for quite a while already. Not that it mattered - she still couldn't get enough. She had half a mind to do away with the rest of her suit here and now. So far she could restrain herself, but what she wanted so very badly was to feel even more - ever more of Shepard.
She had at first thought him merely a crush. She then had admitted to herself that it was more, or had developed into more. She thus eventually had agreed to taking the risk of pursuing such a relationship. However, so far, she never had quite thought about what it meant. She had just trusted that she and he could simply weasel their way through any obstacles. Now, though - what she felt for Shepard was just so intense right now. What would she ever do once she had to leave him?
With renewed passion she clung to him. Her arms wrapped around his upper body while she drew him closer. The movement nearly overwhelmed the surprised Spectre , but he soon returned the hug equally fiercely. She looked up and saw him looking intensely at her. Their eyes locked, now finally without anything in between. For a while they simply remained so, looking at each other, content in each other's presence. It was a moment to catch some breath after how passionately they had expressed their emotions. Tali was sure that Shepard's serene, blissful smile was mirrored on her own face.
The magic of the moment was destroyed when Shepard's omni-tool buzzed. The first time it was easy to ignore; Shepard just waved the signal away. However, it was repeated a second and even a third time. Finally, Shepard sighed, let go of Tali and looked at the annoying piece of equipment.
"Wrex, all three times," he said. "The storm is fading down." He sighed again. "Time to go then,"
"Good thing nobody came actually looking for us" Tali remarked. She was still blissfully caught up in what had happened.
"Oh, I think Wrex figured it out," Shepard stated, "Hence the triple message."
"I'm not so sure he'd really be that considerate," Tali said.
"Heh," Shepard made. "Remember on the Citadel, after we had first met? After I had been made Spectre? How Wrex left us so I could telle you my tale about my first combat engagement? He's more perceptive than he let on, and maybe not considerate but... tolerant. I think you just get to be after some centuries."
Tali did not respond. Maybe Shepard was right, maybe not. It did not matter. Either way, they would have to return now. She felt the cold claws of duty and responsibility grabbing her again, but of course that was inevitable. The Spectre, however, seemed to sense what was running through her head. He kissed her forehead and whispered: "No worry. We'll repeat this."
"I hope so," Tali said, with a determination that surprised even herself. She grabbed her gloves. Her hands trembled slightly as she put them on again. Back into my prison again. Shepard caressed her neck and her face before handing her the helmet. She noticed his hands slightly trembled, too.
They shared one final kiss, before Tali put the helmet's face plate into its place again. Shepard helped her up from the desk where she was still sitting. They kept very close to each other, and remained so even as they left the room to join the others again.
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I'll so have to eat my words about how quarians look once ME 3 is out, won't I? Ah well, nothing that can be done about that... Personally I don't like the idea of quarian hair simply for worldbuilding reasons: I want humans to have one distinctive physical trait unique to them - instead of the other races all being derivations of humans in one way or other as in Star Trek...
