AN: Okay guys. I have a plan. Remember that. I know what I'm doing.

I'm well aware that some of you will really dislike Sookie this chapter.

I was very confused a while there because half of you were cursing Eric's name, while the other half of you were cursing Sookie's. So this won't help with your frustration with the characters, but I'll try and make sense of it soon! Stay tuned!

I suggest listening to the song UNTIL WE BLEED by Kleerup ft. Lykk Li. I had no idea what this chapter was about and then I JUST heard that song and I was inspired to post this chapter, I was really tempted to just delete it all, but this song helped me and was really good depiction of how Sookie is feeling. I need to remind you that she is very scared, and not making the best decisions because of it. Don't judge her too harshly.

Thank you for the reviews! I can't believe this story is at over 600! It's all thanks to you wonderful reviewers!

Chapter 29: We Cut Our Fingers Off

When I walked past the line at Fangtasia, to the front, Pam was standing checking ID's. The moment her eyes met mine she laughed. I put my head down as every person in the crowd gave me a curious look. Did they find out about the break-up too? I stood in front of Pam who was shaking with mirth.

"You are something else, Sookie Stackhouse," she said. I looked up to see her shaking her head.

"Yeah, well, is the boss in?" I asked. She cocked an eyebrow, but said nothing. I looked at the line and noticed it was infinitely larger than ever. "Busy?"

"Eric's king now and there are rumours that he's back in town," Pam explained, looking disgusted, yet pleased at the increase in 'vermin'.

"Rumours?" I asked. I had certainly heard some this morning from Sam.

"Eric's not here," she said to me. I heard a couple people at the front of the line groan audibly.

I bit my lower lip. "Well is he nearby?" I asked her.

Pam flicked her wrist and some vampire came over to take her place, she lifted the velvet rope to invite me through and we entered Fangtasia. The bar was rather crowded for a weekday. Pam was shouting at people to get out of the way and they all made a clear-cut pathway for her. I slithered by, sticking close behind her.

She led me to Eric's regular booth and gestured for me to sit. I did so, bouncing in the seat slightly. Pam sat across from me and regarded me with a strange expression.

"It's nice to see you again!" I told her over the music. I tapped my fingers, feeling nervous. I could tell Pam was waiting for her moment to say something. What was she without her opinions? I remembered when she had cornered me after work to tell me about Eric and my relationship and how I should show him mercy. Okay, I could almost visualize what she was going to say next. "Just go ahead and lay it on me, Pam," I said.

Pam smirked slightly. "You really know how to infuriate, my master. I've never seen anyone get under his skin quite like you."

"Where is he? Is he not in Shreveport anymore?" I asked her, ignoring her statement. "He was here last night."

"Indeed he was," she said. "The rampage he went on after you dismissed him. I never thought I would miss a human!"

"Thanks!" I said, not sure if that was a compliment.

"He went to New Orleans with Alina. He had come here in hopes of talking to you and bringing you with him. But that didn't go according to his plan."

"Of course it didn't. The nerve he had," I crossed my arms.

"Did you not fuck him the night before?"

My eyes widened. "Pam!"

"Are you fucking the shifter?"

"Pam! No!" I was appalled by her bluntness, but then again, not surprised.

"Then what's the problem?"

I gaped at her, wondering if she were truly that dim. "Pam, he broke up with me. Where has he been for the past three months? Huh?"

"Nevada. Honestly, Sookie, I thought you were smart."

I rolled my eyes, beginning to feel frustrated. "Pam, he hasn't contacted me in three months. That's what I meant."

"Oh," she said.

"Yeah, oh," I agreed.

"Perhaps we should go to the office," she slid out of the booth.

A fangbanger, a chubby girl, wandered over to us a camera raised at me. "Hi," she said.

"Hi," I said, confused. Her eyes were beady and watery. Poor thing, she looked as if she were staring at a ghost.

"Can I take a picture of my master's girlfriend?"

Pam came up and smashed the girl's camera to the ground and stomped on it with her beautiful high heels.

"Sorry," I said, wincing. "I would have said yes. But I'm not his girl-," I was cut off, as Pam grabbed my upper arm and yanked me away. I was taken to the back, through the employee hall which led to Eric's office. She closed the door tightly.

"How many people have you been talking to about your break-up?" Pam looked kind of irritated. And to that I thought a resounding what?

"What?" I blanked. "What are you talking about? Am I not supposed to?"

"Really, Sookie," Pam gave me a look and rounded the desk sitting behind it. It was odd seeing her in the spot I'd seen Eric occupy for years. I wasn't sure I liked it. "It does not reflect well on Eric."

I balked at her. "Are you kidding me?" I screeched. She looked alarmed at my outburst. "You weren't there when he broke-up with me in the first place! You can't judge me! And neither can he! He's ignored me, he's hurt me – he made it clear he doesn't need me. And telling people that we broke-up shouldn't be such a big deal considering we did! Look, I didn't come here to whine about Eric. I came here because I need his help. Is there any way he can see me?"

Pam looked incredibly bored. "He's in New Orleans."

"Yeah, I heard you."

"Call him."

"No. I want to talk to him face-to-face."

"You're asking a favour of him? Honestly, Sookie, you did wrong last night. He's probably in no mood to put up with you right now."

"I did wrong last night? He's the one who showed up at my door expecting me to jump in his arms!"

Pam smirked. "He did expect that. He doesn't know you as well as he thought, I suppose." Feeling helpless, I plopped in the seat at the other side of the desk, slouching.

"What does he want from me, Pam?" I asked, my voice small. I was sick of waiting on the sidelines, anticipating the worst. I didn't want to play anymore games with Eric. The talk with Sam this morning helped me realize that. I also needed to protect Hunter and needed his help.

Pam frowned, looking hesitant to tell me anything. She saw my desperate, questioning look and rolled her eyes dramatically. "The man is falling apart. He is distracted all the time. He's been waiting for you."

"Waiting for me?" I flummoxed. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Pam said nothing. "I would suggest you talk to Eric, but he's not here."

"Obviously! Look, Pam, I really need to talk to him."

"So you are asking a favour?"

"Yes."

Pam laughed delightedly. "Have you really learned nothing? This means you'll owe him."

I gritted my teeth, clearly not seeing the delight in all this. "You're like speaking in riddles tonight! Look, I have to go, when the mighty king is ready to give me the time then tell him it's urgent." I got up to leave, heading toward the door.

"He gave you the time two nights in a row."

I turned around and glowered at her.

"Sookie, if I recall, he wanted to talk to you last night."

I closed my eyes. Everyone was pointing out to me that I wasn't thinking clearly. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't. I was going to get rid of the bond tonight, so when I said I was sick of Eric playing games – I was just as guilty as that? No, it's not a game, I reminded myself. It's moving on. You're human, Sookie, he is a vampire. "Just...I need to talk to him."

"Face-to-face."

"Right."

I turned back to the door. "Sookie," she called. I looked behind me, to see her leaning forward at the desk. "I missed you. And so did Eric."

That was the most emotional I've ever seen Pam. I mean, her face was just unmoving as ever, but those words were really sweet, and clearly sincere because this was Pam, after all. "I need to talk to Eric," was all I said, repeating the words Sam had drilled into me this morning.

"Yes, you do. But he is not happy. You humiliated him in front of his guard. He's king now, he can't put up with you disobedience in public. If you hadn't disinvited him, he might've had to show you a lesson right there for all to see."

I shuddered involuntarily. "He deserved it."

Pam leaned back in Eric's chair. "Maybe so. Nevertheless, it looked bad on him."

I opened my mouth wondering if I shouldn't ask, but did so anyway, "I hear he's not...living up to people's expectations of him," my voice diminished as the rest of the words left me. Pam's eyes narrowed.

"Like, I said, he misses you and has been devoting most of his time and energy making sure you're okay."

"What? You didn't say that!" I began walking toward her, abandoning my intentions of leaving for the moment.

"Well, he wanted to leave you alone so you could think. In the meantime, people have been advancing on you, asking for your services and such. He'd hear rumours that Victor was in the area. You've been safely guarded night and day, Sookie, you just didn't know it. He would have come here earlier, but Nevada has been...Well, Eric's still trying to get rid of it."

I didn't know how to feel about this new information. "Wait, what do you mean he left me alone so I could think?"

"You have to talk to him." And she wouldn't say any more. To say I was frustrated would be an understatement. I was really upset that my visit here had forced me to draw my attentions from Hunter, so when I left her office and through Fangtasia (I saw that Felicia carefully watched me leave safely). I got in my car and started it, wanting to just get the hell out of here.

I felt like everyone was being completely cryptic in my life: Pam, Amelia, Sam, Claude, Eric – all of them just wouldn't straight up tell me what the hell was going on. They expected me to make wise decisions, but how could I when I didn't have all the facts? Shaking myself, I vowed to focus on protecting Hunter. Maybe I'd ask Amelia to go over to his house tonight and put up a protection spell. Yeah, that should be alright.

I thought over everything that Pam had just told me. Eric came back for me, just like Sam had suggested. Could I believe them though? Could I trust Eric after everything? Was it really that easy? No, on all accounts. I could believe Sam, but he didn't know any more than I did. He had just been guessing. Pam very well could be bullshitting me just to help her maker. She would effortlessly betray me for her own kind at any given second; she'd said so to me before.

I thought about when I got home, Amelia would have the bond ready to be severed. I was going to do this. I may not know the whole truth of Eric's intentions, but maybe without the bond, I wouldn't be so foggy. I could approach it with a clear-head and listen to his reasoning's. I did miss him. And seeing him the past two nights had felt right. One of those inexplicable mysteries. For some reason, Eric and I clicked – it made no sense. He was a thousand year old immortal king and I was a nearly-twenty-eight year old human telepath with an eighth fairy blood in her system. It made no sense. We shouldn't have anything in common, we shouldn't relate to each other at all...and yet, we did.

I've always had trouble understanding what Eric and I had. With Bill it was simple, it had flown together at a fast rate and maintained for a while until he betrayed me. I was never resisted him, I embraced my first relationship with open arms and somewhat naively. With Quinn, I agreed on a date with him in a snap, I trusted him implicitly from the very beginning, maybe it turned out that wasn't the best approach for us, but it happened. And then Eric – I didn't want to fall in love with him. I knew it would happen. And I knew when it did; I would never be able to step away from that. I was right. Eric terrified me, yet excited me. He infuriated me, yet made me incandescently happy. He killed for me, yet I always felt safe with him. We were just one big contradiction on top of another contradiction.

Was he still the same vampire? He was always by my side, he always had my back, right until we separated. But, why did he break-up with me? Did he think I already knew why? Was it just a bad case of miscommunication? Pam said he'd been waiting for me – what the hell did that mean? Was I supposed to go to Bon Temps grab him his favourite shirt and then head back over to Nevada? What was he expecting from me? Why did he show up at my door last night, cocky as hell? Why was he so infuriated? I winced when I thought about how I treated him in front of his guard. To be fair, I didn't know they were there. And if I knew he was working hard to prove himself to them, then I would have been a tad more gracious, but as such, he didn't approach the situation very well.

Did I still love him? Yes. Did I still want him? Yes. Did I still need him? Yes. So, what was the problem? Pride. Confusion. Anger. Betrayal. Mistrust. All of it worked against Eric and me. I knew I wasn't supposed to blame the bond anymore, but it had seriously thrown me off balance when I felt it for the first time in months two nights ago. I felt as if I might regret getting rid of the bond. I was beginning to doubt this idea the closer and closer I got to home.

Half of me was screaming to get rid of it, you've doubted it a while and it's only ever really caused you trouble. The other part of me was begging to keep it – it was a connection to Eric. I was really becoming annoyed with my sappy side, but I couldn't deny it. I was still mad as hell at Eric for how things had worked out. I was just as easily to blame, but it was harder to be furious with myself. Plus, Eric knew exactly what he was doing, all the time. If he just took a moment to explain things to me (like the break-up) maybe we wouldn't be in this sort of situation.

Why did he break-up with me? Ever since Sam had asked me that very question, it had been replaying it my head over and over all day. The break-up could easily have been my fault. I was disappointed in myself for not asking more questions of him. Why hadn't I asked? Why don't I know why? I had ignorantly accepted his words, that made so little sense and yet all the sense in the world.

Frowning, I pulled up toward the house, parking around back. Alright, here it was. Break the bond or keep it? I walked hesitantly into my kitchen and I saw an array of magical items spread across the table, and something brewing on the stove. Was Amelia going to give me a potion? I nearly laughed at that, when she came bustling in.

"Good your home!" Amelia said, looking frazzled. Her hair was pulled back and was in as little clothing as possible.

"Is everything alright?"

"I've got it all ready," she said, waving to the table. "I'm sure I can sever the bond."

I gave her an odd look. "You're sure?"

She hesitated. "Yes," she drew out the's'.

"What would happen if you make a mistake?"

"I'm not going to make a mistake!" she balked.

I looked at her sceptically. "If you're unsure..."

"Are you?" she said suddenly.

"Am I what?" I gulped.

"Unsure?" she clarified, addressing me curiously. "Say the word, Sookie and I'll clean this away."

Oh boy. "Let's do it," I said.

Amelia made no move to do so.

"Amelia, I said I'll sever the bond."

Amelia rocked on her feet. "Yeah, I don't think you mean it."

"What? I just said I did!"

"No, your eyes are all wide and concentrated and serious – you look like Eric."

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah, just for a second there, your expression was similar to one of Eric's."

I glared at her and leaned against the sink, staring at the ingredients, thinking about what Amelia had just said. Now that Eric and I weren't together, what were the positives of keeping the bond?

More importantly – did I see myself getting back with Eric? I leaned forward putting burying my head in my hands, letting out a frustrated noise. I wasn't sure. Maybe I was being hasty; maybe I was being immature, either way...

"Let's get rid of it."

"Are you sure?"

I let out a shaky breath. "Yes."

"Really think about it Sookie?"

I paused just for her. "I thought about it. Let's sever it."

She nodded slowly. "Okay. Besides, if you guys get back together you can just make a new one, right?" she smiled weakly.

I shrugged not sure how the mechanics worked of a blood bond. Amelia pulled out a chair and I sat down in it, feeling my palms turn sweaty and bile rising up my throat. Amelia turned off the stove and poured the gooey liquid from the pot into a large mug. She placed it front of me, a hand on her hip.

"So, I drink that and then what?" I asked, scrunching up my nose.

"Well," Amelia breathed out. "You drink every last bit and then you'll vomit for a few hours. After that, it should be good."

"What?" My eyes widened and stared at her incredulously. "That's it?"

"Yep."

"I get rid of this ancient, mystical bond by throwing up?"

"For a few hours, yes."

I frowned and stared at the brown-green goop. It made it worse that it was hot.

"You have to drink it before it cools," Amelia said.

No time to think anymore about it, Sookie. I grabbed the cup and began glugging it down, just like I would with vampire blood, I didn't think about it. Of course, I had found a fondness for Eric's blood over the years. I was almost done as I tipped the cup upside down and let the rest fall into my mouth. I put it down and gagged.

"Water," I gasped. It tasted awful, my mouth was dry and I was feeling dizzy.

"No food or drink for twenty four hours."

"Are you kidding?" I dry-heaved, racing to the bathroom off the hall and having my first bout of vomit. Amelia was right at the doorway watching me convulse my stomach contents into the toilet. She grabbed my hair and pulled it back into a pony tail for me.

"You'll be like this all night, probably," Amelia said sympathetically. I didn't need any tough love right now. My heart was thudding loudly, terrified of what I had just done. I wondered if Eric could feel the bond breaking. I felt as if it was being ripped out of me and I was coughing up my heart. I had tears streaming down my face, my throat was burning and swollen. I didn't know how long I was by the toilet but it felt like forever – endless.

I distantly heard the phone ring and tried to hear what Amelia was saying.

"She's ill," Amelia answered after a second of hello's being cut off. "I'm just doing what she asked me to...I didn't think she'd actually do it!...Well no one told her or me, Pam!...He hurt her first! She's been devastated! This is what she thinks she needs to do to get back to herself...Oh, well I know that now! Thanks...It's too late...Side-effects? I just know what the book said...I did not know that, no..." I heard her sigh in resignation. Her head was relaying that Eric could feel the bond breaking. Apparently, from what Pam was telling Amelia and what I could hear from her mind, was Alina had called Pam in a fit saying Eric was acting weird and he was trying to call me. My phone was in the kitchen and I could hear it ringing fervently. "Well you should tell him never to mess with a woman scorned...I'm sorry Pam, but I'm helping Sookie tonight, not your master."

Amelia rejoined me on the bathroom floor, her hand stroking my back while I continued barfing up the reminder of Eric and me. I could tell, even when this sickness was over, I would feel the emptiness that would make me regret this decision for the rest of my life.

What have I done?

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