Warnings: Boylove, swearing, violence, mentions of anorexia, self harm, paedophilia, and of course, the horrible butchering of Kingdom Hearts and Final Fantasy characters.
Pairings: AkuRoku, Zemyx, XigDem, MeganxSeifer, some MarVex, possibly Cleon later on... what? I'm a fangirl, so sue me!
This is my first fanfic, so if you guys hate it... well, I don't blame you. Feel free to flame me, but just so you know, every time you flame a fanfiction, a chocobo dies...
Oh, and I don't own these characters, which is probably for the best, since I would do things to Axel that would... ANYWAY, on with the story!
Roxas
Okay, I have a confession to make here.
When Naminé emailed me gay Twilight fanfiction, I actually did read some of it. Just a little. And even though it made me feel physically sick, it was pretty damn educational. So that's how I knew how to reduce Axel to a begging wreck on the floor within seconds, and that's why I was always on top, whether the redhead liked it or not.
Until he decided he was going to play dirty.
It was our third, fourth or maybe even fifth round, and Axel had managed to acquire handcuffs from somewhere or other. I think that he was keeping them under his pillow, just in case the opportunity arose to use them. I could have dealt with it if it was just handcuffs, I would've been on the bottom once and then reclaimed the upper hand, all would be well.
But he was using fire.
Not as in he was burning me, or threatening to burn me. He wasn't that much of a dick (I hoped) and anyway, Megan would kill him if she found out he had hurt me. But he was making me very, very warm, and I looked down to see flames licking my bare legs, not burning or even hot, just warm and soothing.
"My turn, little Roxie," he purred, sliding his hands up my chest, an evil smile playing across his face. "How long do you think you'll last underneath me, huh?"
"You... you dick," I panted, squirming a little underneath his touch. "You'll burn me –"
"I know what I'm doing," he whispered, beginning to nom on my neck and making me whimper. "I won't burn you, babe, and if I do then I can play nurse afterwards, right?"
"Oh my God, Axel, do that again... fuck..." His hands were everywhere, his tongue on my chest and fire licking everywhere he couldn't reach with his own body, not a degree too warm and so, so delicious...
"You regret letting me top yet, sweetie?"
"I didn't let you do jack shit, I'm kinda handcuffed here," I told him, trying to twist away from him as he reached for my underwear. No idea why I had put those back on knowing that we'd be at it again within half an hour. In fact, I think that Axel caught me off guard while I was trying to put some sort of clothing back on in an attempt to pretend I had some modesty left.
"You love it though, don't you?" He had just managed to remove my boxers. "I'm going to make you scream tonight, Roxie, and you won't be able to walk straight ever again."
I bit my lip. "Can't you be gentle, Axel? Please?"
That may have been a bad idea. Axel's face split into the unholiest of grins and his fingernails dug into my skin. "Maybe if you're a good boy, after I've finished destroying you, I'll make sweet, soft love to you, and then cook you breakfast. How does that sound?"
"Can we miss out the part where you destroy me?" I asked, noticing with some concern that the flames around me were beginning to get hotter. "Um... Axel..."
"Relax, I know what I'm doing." He leaned down, his mouth inches away from mine. "Get ready, because I'm not stopping for the world."
The scariest, hottest thing was that he meant it.
Demyx
Megan and I were starting to get hungry. It was almost eleven and Dad was still on the landing, we thought, but he was starting to settle down a little. After a long argument in which Megan insisted she should go and I pointed out that Dad was convinced that she had killed Lisa, so actually, it would be a better idea for me to go. She hated this idea, but even she had to admit that there was more of a danger for her than there was for me. Very reluctantly, she let me leave the room to see if I could slip downstairs and grab us some food.
I took a deep breath as I opened the door. We needed food, Meg more than me, and there would be plenty of time to be a coward after I had got my little sister and myself something to eat. Still, the door creaking slightly made me wince, and I made sure to shut it firmly behind me, so that even if Dad noticed me he wouldn't notice –
"Megan?" Dad looked up from the floor. I think he was kicking the sideboard. "Oh, it's you, you special little fairy child. You think you're something else, don't you, you whiny homo bitch?"
I swallowed. "Um... I..."
"Well let me tell you something. You're a little piece of shit who doesn't deserve to even live in the same house as someone normal like me, and your sister is the same." I gritted my teeth. I was willing to put up with him saying stuff about me, but I really didn't like it when he started on Roxas and Megan. "You're an ugly little fuck-up and I regret ever letting my wife pick you out of all the normal orphans she could have chosen."
"I am normal," I muttered. Just because I preferred guys didn't make me any less than any other kid, right?
"You have the fucking nerve to claim to be normal? You bitch! Get back in your room!"
Deep breath. I tilted my chin up, folded my arms, and attempted to prepare myself for the worst. "No."
"No? No? You dare say no to me?" I heard the punch before I felt it, but when I did feel it... wow. Warmth spread across my left cheek, not even pain at first, and I had to be grateful that years of cutting myself had heightened my pain threshold. "Get back in your room, Demyx."
"No." I braced myself to be hit again, but it didn't come. Instead he shoved me against the wall, knocking all of the wind out of me.
"I'll fucking kill you, you bitch! I'll fucking kill you!"
His hands closed around my throat and I bit my lip, waiting for him to start squeezing. There was one second that felt like an eternity, in which all he did was glare at me, and I closed my eyes, thinking that if I did die, I wouldn't want to die looking at the man who had made my life miserable for years on end.
There was some pressure on my neck –
Then there was the weirdest clanging noise, and Dad fell forwards onto me, sort of sliding sideways until he lay on the floor unconscious. I opened my eyes to see Megan, frying pan held above her head and eyes fixed on Dad, the back of whose head was starting to bleed. When it became clear that he wasn't going to get back up, Meg lowered her pan and smiled brightly at me like nothing had happened. The weight of everything suddenly hit me – Dad tried to kill me, Megan saved my life, for all I knew she could have just murdered him – and I slumped against the wall, feeling sick to my stomach, my heart pounding harder than it ever had before. It felt like it was about to leave my chest.
"You okay?" Megan asked, putting the frying pan back on the windowsill and leaning against the wall herself, clearly as shaken up as I was.
"Yeah, are you?" I reached up to touch my left cheek, which felt like it was already starting to bruise where I had been punched. I'd have to put some make-up on that for school tomorrow. The last thing I needed was Xigbar or Zexion getting worried, especially if Zexion was still trying to make a decision about university. I really didn't want him staying in Twilight Town just to babysit me because of Dad.
Megan sighed. "I suppose I've been better. But I'm not hurt." She gently tugged my hand away from my face to peer at the bruise on my cheek. "You want some ice on that?"
I shook my head. "I don't think it'll help all that much."
There was a long silence in which we both looked at Dad's unconscious, bleeding form. "You know he's going to go mental if he wakes up and realises I hit him with a frying pan," Megan said quietly, leaning down to inspect the damage her pan had done.
"Better than just letting him strangle me. Thanks for that, Meg. I think you saved my life."
She shrugged like saving my life was as minor as freeing a spider that was trapped in the bathtub. "I just wish I'd come out of your room sooner, I didn't realise he hit you..."
"It's not your fault." No way was I letting her blame herself for this. It wasn't anyone's fault but Dad's. "Can we have something to eat now?"
Megan smiled. "Always with the food, Demyx, honestly." I grinned. "Tell you what. You go downstairs and get something to eat, and I'll move him into his bed." She gestured to Dad. "Hopefully I hit him hard enough that he won't remember much, and we can just tell him that he smacked his head on a door or some shit and he passed out."
"Okay." I nodded obediently, starting down the stairs. "Oh, and Megs?"
Her face twitched as if it wanted to scowl, but she answered to the name Megs anyway. I appreciated that. "What's up, Dem?"
"You have to eat too. I mean it. And make sure you get some sleep tonight."
She smiled, the sort of smile you only see from people who have just left the scene of a car crash, or received bad news from their doctor, or are in some way or another struggling to carry on, but doing it anyway. "Okay, Demyx, I will. Just let me move Dad, and then I'll come down and get myself something to eat."
I thudded down the stairs, being clumsy at the best of times and even worse when I was shaking and queasy from nearly being strangled, and I knocked over a thing or two on my way to the kitchen. Still, I got there in one piece, and grabbed myself some bread and the strawberry jam, figuring that even I could throw together a sandwich. I managed it, more or less (the jam bled out of the sides and got all over my hands and shirt, but hey, that's what soap is for) and had a couple of Oreos afterwards because, well, Oreos, c'mon. They are the food of the gods.
Megan arrived in the kitchen after about five minutes of her thumping and swearing upstairs, probably struggling to move Dad's body. She rolled her eyes at the sight of me covered in jam and helped herself to some Oreos and an apple. It wasn't exactly a meal, but at least she was eating. I didn't like the fact that she was so skinny. I didn't like her being pale and I didn't like the way she sometimes swayed when she stood up, like she was really dizzy but of course, she never mentioned it, because she's Megan and she doesn't want to admit that she doesn't have time to take care of everyone if everyone includes herself.
"You sure you're okay, Dem?" she asked through a mouthful of Oreo.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I was actually holding up pretty well, ignoring the fact that it was half past eleven now and I wasn't the slightest bit tired. "I could do with taking a sleepy pill tonight though, I don't think I'll get to sleep any other way."
"That's absolutely fine," Megan said. "Just remember to make sure you're in bed when you take it, yeah?"
"Oh, come on, Megan, I'm not that stupid. I don't make the same mistake twice." Meg just raised an eyebrow. "I don't! Honestly, I don't know why everyone thinks I'm so thick..."
Megan laughed. "You know I'm kidding, Demyx. I think the world of you and Rox."
"I know." I opened the cupboard and took out my sleepy pills and a plastic cup. "I'm going to try and get some sleep now, okay?"
"Yeah, that's fine."
"And Megan?"
She looked up from the apple she had been gazing lovingly at, meeting my gaze sort of reluctantly. She was tired, I could tell. Tired and upset. "Megan, promise me you'll go to sleep as well. You won't just stay up to watch over me or talk to Naminé or anything?"
"I promise, Demyx." I could actually see her crossed fingers behind her back, but said nothing. Hopefully she would just doze off when she got too tired.
"Night, Megs." I went back up to my room, careful not to step in the small puddle of Dad's blood that was on the carpet, and took my sleepy pill. It would take anywhere between fifteen minutes and an hour to take effect, so I got comfortable in bed, picked up my phone and started a text to Zexion. Then I deleted it all, deciding that Zex had enough to think about without me adding to it, and considered texting Xigbar, but again, decided against it.
I still felt jittery and restless after half an hour. Maybe things weren't all as peachy as I hoped they would be. I mean, sure, Megan had saved me, but who knows how much harm she had done Dad? It wouldn't be a problem – nobody really cared about Dad's welfare, considering how horrible he was – but we didn't need anyone coming along to split us up. I was still pretty disturbed by what Roxas had said about me being eighteen soon and having to live on my own. Most seventeen-year-olds would be ecstatic at the thought of living by themselves, not having to deal with bossy parents or whiny siblings or whatever they have to deal with in their mundane, easy lives. But that thought just terrified me. I didn't want to lose Megan or Roxas. And if staying with them meant staying with Dad, I would.
It would be nice to fall asleep soon, though.
Megan
I lay flat on my back at midnight, listening to Demyx drumming on the wall. He should be at least settling down by now, but he was getting more and more agitated. I sighed, went into his room, and saw him hanging sort-of upside-down on his bed, still kicking his wall. He smiled when he saw me, but it wasn't Demyx's usual smile, and to be honest it made my blood run cold.
"Hey, Megan!" he chirped, attempting to right himself but failing and staying upside-down. "I can't sleep."
"I know, Dem. Here's an idea: how about you take another sleepy pill, and then have tomorrow off school?" Ordinarily this wouldn't even cross my mind – days off school were always risky for us, especially with Dad being the way that he was, and I knew that overdosing on sleeping medication was never a bright idea, but desperate times call for desperate measures, and if he got any more worked up than he was now, there was more than a chance that he would hurt himself.
"I wanna go to school tomorrow!" There was another, very enthusiastic kick to the wall. "It's not my fault! You can't punish me for being weird!"
"Nobody's punishing you, and you aren't weird," I told as soothingly as I could, reaching for the small white pot on his bedside table, the one that contained small mouthfuls of sleep. "If you're in a fit state to go tomorrow, I'll let you, but we don't want you collapsing or anything, right?"
Demyx nodded. "Okay."
I made him sit up properly to take his second pill of the night, and then stayed in his room to keep an eye on him, worried he might just stop breathing in the night. He looked so peaceful and so young, and I felt guilt poke at me, because how could I let Dad taint him like that? How could I let anyone yell at him, upset him, affect him in any way other than positively? How could I fail him so much?
I don't do guilt or shame very often. As emotions go, I think they're counterproductive. But when I feel them, they hit me hard. And right now, I felt awful to have let him get hurt like that.
At six, my alarm went off, and I went and got dressed. Demyx was still out for the count, barely fidgeting in his sleep, and when I came back he had his thumb in his mouth. I wasn't sure about letting him go to school today – apart from anything else, he wasn't going to have time to get ready if he didn't get up soon – but I didn't want him staying home if Dad was here too, regardless of whether I stayed home as well.
I twitched when I heard a creaking noise somewhere in the house. It's just the house settling, I remember I always used to hear, though I can't remember who said it. Buildings, they like to fidget. It's just the house getting comfortable is all.
Bowie pawed at my leg. "It's just the house settling, Bowie," I whispered, trying to remember who it had been to tell me that.
She meowed at me as the floorboards creaked again, and I swallowed. "Be quiet, you stupid cat. I know Demyx hasn't fed you yet, but he's kind of unconscious. Now do me a favour and leave me alone."
Then there was the sound of boots hitting the floor and I almost thought that Bowie knew, and she was warning me. "Demyx," I hissed, shaking his shoulder. "Dem, you've gotta wake up, we need to hide."
"Hnng?" He lifted his head from his pillow a little. "Megan?"
"Get under your bed," I breathed, standing up and grabbing the nearest heavy book, which was in fact his French textbook. "Now."
I could hear slow, heavy footsteps about to leave Dad's room. "Megan... five more minutes..."
"No. Under the bed, now." Demyx began carefully lowering himself onto the floor, not even standing up first, and looking very shaky when he supported all of his weight on his left arm. "Okay, now no matter what happens, stay under there and try not to go back to sleep, right?"
"Yeah." He promptly went back to sleep. I sighed, exasperated, and tiptoed to his door, book raised.
"Okay, Megan, there is a time and a place to be a pussy," I told myself under my breath, my grip tightening on the French textbook in my hand, "and this is not it."
I pulled to door open slowly, just as Dad opened his. We stared at each other for a heartbeat – if he even had a heart – and then before I even knew what was going on, he had the upper hand. My back was against the wall, he was pulling my hair, and the French textbook was on the floor with half of its pages horribly crumpled.
I didn't scream. I whimpered a little, but I didn't scream. I didn't even try to get away as he spat insults at me and hurt me in ways I didn't know I could hurt. Because apart from the fact that it wouldn't be as bad if I just let it happen, and apart from my reluctance to wake Demyx, there was an odd sense that something like this had happened to me before, and I wanted to understand. So I let him do everything he wanted to do to me, and then I scurried back to Demyx's room, adjusting my skirt as I went.
What a day to decide to wear a skirt, I thought bitterly as I tugged Demyx out from under his bed. Okay, I can't afford to dwell on it. Gotta get Dem ready for school...
"Come on, Demyx, up you get," I murmured, pulling some concealer out of my pocket and beginning to dab it onto Demyx's cheek where Dad had hit him last night. "You still wanna go to school? You wanna go see Xiggy and Zexy and Nami?"
"Mm-hm." Will a little assistance he got dressed and washed, and I grabbed some cash from his piggy bank, because we both needed breakfast and I didn't want to stay in the house with Dad around. I think that he went back to bed, but I wanted to be safe, or rather, I wanted Demyx to be safe. I got him down to the bakery across the street, having to support him for most of the way because he couldn't walk in a straight line on his own just yet, and hoped against hope that he would wake up at least a little bit before school.
"What d'you want for breakfast, Dem?" I asked him as we stood in the oddly long queue to buy some food. I barely had enough to buy two croissants. I may have to skip breakfast.
"Um... I..." Demyx was about to fall asleep standing up. I tugged his hand and he shuffled forwards a little, nearly bumping into the handbag of the woman in front of us. "Oreos?"
"You can't have Oreos for breakfast." The only real reason for that was that they didn't sell them here. "How about a croissant?"
We arrived at the counter. "What can I get you two?" the baker lady asked with a warm red-lipstick smile.
"Um, we're still deciding." I looked at Demyx. "You want a croissant?"
"Can I have a chocolate croissant?" he mumbled, leaning against me and shutting his eyes again.
I glanced at the prices. Not if I wanted any breakfast, he couldn't. "Tell you what, you go find us some seats, and I'll get the food, okay?" He nodded dumbly – the kind of nod I only saw from him when he was about to fall asleep – and began wandering around looking for two free seats. "Sorry about my brother, he overdosed a little on his sleep medication last night..."
"Oh, it's fine, sweetheart, honestly. So you want a chocolate croissant?"
I bit my lip. "Thing is if he has a chocolate croissant, I can't afford anything for me..." I sighed. "Yeah, I'll have a chocolate croissant, please." I handed over exact change and looked over at Demyx as she put his breakfast into a paper bag and my munny into the cash register. "Thank you."
"You're welcome, darlin'. Has anyone ever told you that you have gorgeous eyes?"
I examined her for a moment, trying to tell whether or not she was being genuine. "Um... no, they haven't. Thanks."
"Don't mention it, cupcake." Never in my life have I been called cupcake. Or darlin'. Or sweetheart. I decided she was just one of those people, like Naminé, and I should let it go. I crossed the warm bakery-slash-café and sat down opposite Demyx.
"Here we go, Dem," I said, partially to wake him up, because he had been resting his head against the wall and dozing on and off. I unwrapped the top of the paper bag and opened it, taking out Dem's croissant. "Wait a sec..." There were two. "Okay, you sit tight and eat that, yeah? I'll be back in a second."
I went back up to the counter to talk to the lady. "Excuse me? You gave me two croissants by mistake, I only paid for –"
"You're very honest, aren't you?" she mused, handing a rather large man a rather large sausage roll.
"Well, do you want any more munny? I only have, like, five, but –"
"No, cherub, it's fine."
"Well what if –"
"Just shh," she interjected, winking at me. "You clearly need it. One for you and one for your brother. Just don't tell my boss, he'll have my head."
Realising that she wasn't going to back down, I nodded. "Thanks very much."
"Any time." I returned to the table with Demyx and demolished my own croissant within seconds. I was clearly a lot hungrier than I'd felt.
"Lady seems nice." Demyx pointed to the lady who'd just given me a free croissant. "We going yet?"
"Yeah, we probably should." I checked my watch. We only had two minutes before the bus was due to arrive, and if Bob the douchebag was driving then we only had five seconds, or twenty minutes. "You okay walking?"
He nodded. He still looked a bit wobbly as he stood up, but he managed to slope out of the bakery-café clinging to my hand. We got to the bus just on time, showed our passes to Bob the douchebag, who just sneered at us douchebaggishly and let us on with a face that suggested he would rather chew tree bark than have us on his bus. "Okay, Dem, what do you have first period."
"Um... don't know." I sighed and extracted his timetable from his pocket.
"Chemistry, and then History. Well, okay, Zexion'll look after you in History, right?" Demyx nodded sleepily, looking like all he wanted to do was snuggle up and go back to sleep. "Chemistry... who's in your Chemistry class?"
"I am!" chirped a voice from behind us, and I turned in my seat to see Yuffie, actually sitting down for a change, waving her hand above her head like I wouldn't have noticed her anyway.
"Okay, Yuffie, can you do me a huge favour and keep an eye on him during Chem? He's really drowsy and I don't want him getting hurt or anything."
"No problem, it's a ninja's duty to protect the innocent and defenceless." Oh, yeah. I forgot about her whole ninja thing. Well, whatever floated her boat.
"You hear that, Dem? Yuffie's gonna look after you during Chemistry, is that okay?" He nodded, then closed his eyes and seemed to drift off to sleep again. "Demyx, I need you to stay awake now, we'll be at school in ten minutes."
I shot a quick text to Cloud, begging him to buy me the morning-after pill and send Naminé into school with it, preferably without telling her what it was, and then stuck my feet up on the back of someone else's seat.
"Hope Rox is okay," Demyx murmured, still struggling to remain awake. "He's at Axel's right?"
"Yeah, he is." It dawned on me that with Dad this insane, we would do well to stay out of the house at least until tomorrow. Which meant I would need to find places for the boys to stay, and me as well. Rox could probably get away with another night at Axel's without his parents asking questions, and Dem could stay at Zexion's or Xigbar's. I mean, I didn't really love either of those possibilities, considering he was doped up on sedatives and so his judgement was even more impaired than it usually is, but I suppose that they were the lesser of two evils. Anyway, Zexion was leaving for university soon, if he decided to go (which he probably would, knowing him) and Demyx deserved to spend as much time as he could with his EMO boyfriend before they had to say goodbye.
I sighed and looked at my filthy shoes, wondering when it was going to get easier. Fire wasn't helping me. Nothing was really helping me any more. Not for the first time, as we drove over the bridge that hung over a busy road leading to the train station, I wondered whether it would be easier to stop being.
Nobody tell Marluxia I contemplate suicide now and again, though. He'd only try and help me. I didn't need help. I needed it to stop.
xxx
I now own Hello Kitty pyjamas. My life is actually complete.
In more important news, I wrote a MarVex oneshot entitled "Differences" that you really should go read, and I'm planning another MarVex oneshot that's actually canon with this story (and yes, My Unicorn Romance, Bowie will make an appearance.) I strongly suggest putting me on Author Alert so you see it when I post it. Also give me hugs and cookies and internet dollars and reviews and so on.
Big loves, hugs and smiles from your favourite Unicorn.
