Chapter 29:

It takes only a short time to arrive from the hospital to the hotel, and of that Loki finds himself grateful, the motion of the metal carriage having started to make him slightly nauseas.

Romanov apparently takes notice, as the moment they stop, she unlatches her seatbelt and exits, moving around to his side and helping him from his seat. He still is less than sure on his feet, and the Agent holds onto him securely, a steadying hand upon his shoulder and around his arm.

"… Thank you." Loki mutters softly.

His mind still confuses at the kindness being shown to him by the Widow, and still he finds himself uncertain of it.

But he thinks it best to not question it. Not now. Not when he is so close to getting away and being with Jane and his brother.

Silently, Romanov leads him to a nondescript door among a row of many, its only identifier being the number "8" positioned a little above its center.

"This is the room." She says, and Loki stands off to her side as she lifts her fist to knock.

Abruptly, irrationally, Loki feels a wave of nerves take hold of him. Sudden hesitation, and the treacherous thoughts work through his mind that perhaps his presence here will be unwanted. That like as not Thor and Jane are now sharing each other's bed, and he will be as an interloper, disrupting their peace.

The oppressing desire to suddenly turn and run settles into his insides, and almost instantly, he quashes it, chastising himself inwardly for his pathetic cowardice.

It is too late anyway. He can hear someone approaching from beyond the door.

A moment later, there is the sound of chains being unlatched and a lock turning, and then the door is pulled open, and standing there is Jane.

Loki feels his breath catch, his frame stiffening as his nerves surge. He looks to the pavement below his feet, and embarrassment heats his face at his own absurdity.

"Agent Romanov?" Jane says, confusion clear in her voice. "What's…"

And then she looks to the Agent's side, and she sees him.

"Loki!" She cries, and before Loki is able to do a single thing in response, she has stepped out of the room and is flinging her arms around him, hugging him tightly.

Loki stiffens, taken aback, and for a moment, his mind goes blank, unsure of himself and what he's supposed to do.

He looks over Jane's shoulder and sees the Widow smirking at him. And then she is gesturing towards him, lifting her hands and brows, nodding her head.

Loki swallows thickly, his eyes shifting away, down, and he sees the top of Jane's head, her face pressed against his chest. Her hair is smooth and silken looking, and for an instant, Loki has the near overwhelming urge to run his fingers through it.

Instead, slowly, he lifts his arms and arranges them around her, embracing her back loosely. He feels awkward and ridiculous, and he is overcome with the certainty that she must think him so.

But then he feels her arms loosen, and she lifts her face to him, and she's smiling. Her mouth stretched wide, perfect, white teeth exposed, and she looks happy. She looks happy to see him.

Loki's knees feel unsteady beneath him, and his insides clench in mortification of them actually giving way. He locks them stubbornly, refusing to humiliate himself in front of this woman.

Jane has her hands on his wrists, holding him gently. Her thumbs rub small, soothing circles over their knobs, and his skin tingles pleasantly at the sensation.

"What are you doing here?" She asks, voice bright. "Shouldn't you still be in the hospital?"

Loki stares dumbly at her, his voice suddenly lost to him.

"We had a little trouble." Romanov steps in, and Jane turns to her, brow furrowed in confusion.

"What kind of trouble?" Jane asks, concern seeping into her voice.

"Couple of the boys got jumpy." The Agent explains, shrugging. "Loki here came out of his room looking for you and Thor, and one of the men on call acted out of line, butted him with the end of his rifle."

Jane gasps in dismay.

"Loki took a couple of hard hits to the temple and back of the head, and I figured it would be safer for everyone involved if he stayed with you and his brother."

Jane's face is lined in worry now, and she turns back to Loki, her hand reaching up, the tips of her fingers brushing delicately against his temple.

"Oh my God, Loki!" She says. "Are you alright!? I can't… if I had known that would happen, I never would have left you there alone."

"He's alright." Romanov says. "He's a tough customer."

Jane doesn't seem entirely convinced.

"Loki?" She asks, noticing he hasn't yet spoken.

He blinks, as though coming out of some sort of fog.

"… I am well." He at last answers, voice quiet. "The blows were of little consequence."

Jane is still seeming to examine his head, lightly touching him, as though fearful she may hurt him by touching too hard.

Loki wants to tell her she needn't be so careful. That he isn't breakable as all that.

He wants powerfully for her not to see him as weak.

"I better head back to base." Romanov interrupts. "Fury's gonna wanna know what happened."

Jane at last drops her hands from Loki's face, turning towards the Agent.

"Thank you." She says, and she means it absolutely. "It… it means a lot to me, and to Thor too, I know, that you're looking out for Loki."

Romanov shrugs.

"It's just my job." She says, and without further comment, she begins back towards the SUV.

Loki and Jane both watch her a moment, before she turns back to him, taking hold of his hand.

"Come on," she says. "we should get you inside."

Loki hesitates a moment.

"… Is Thor…?"

"He's sleeping." Jane assures him, dragging him into the room.

Loki feels his chest tighten.

"… Were you…?"

Jane turns to glance at him as she closes the door behind them.

"No, no." She says, smiling softly. "He's been out for a couple hours. He's in the other room. I've been up working on my computer. I've been falling like crazy behind on my research, and I thought it would be a good time to play a little catch up."

Loki blinks at her, thrown slightly by her terminology.

Jane just smiles wider, seeing his slight confusion.

"What are you wearing?" She laughs suddenly, noticing his attire for the first time.

Loki glances down at himself, seeing the archer's clothes still hung, ill-fitting over his form.

"Ah," he says, looking back up at her, smiling slightly himself. "the Widow thought it better than the dressing gown given to me by…" he waves a hand, indicating the people back at the hospital.

"Well, we're in luck." Jane answers. "I actually brought some of your clothes from my apartment. I was going to bring them to you in the morning, but since you're here now…"

She begins to move past him, towards the open bedroom she'd said Thor was sleeping in.

"Hopefully I won't wake Thor up." She mutters.

"Oh, trust me," Loki begins. "we could be set upon by a hoard of Mountain Trolls this very instant, and Thor would sleep soundly through the siege."

Jane turns to stare at him, shock evident along her features.

"Mountain Trolls?" She asks after a moment, disbelieving.

Loki nods.

"Aye." He says. "It once was Thor and I would oft encounter the hideous things while trekking through the various ranges across Vaniheim and Nidvellir. They are quite awful."

"Trolls." Jane repeats, and then she shakes her head. "Well, I guess if there's elves, there'd also be trolls."

"Indeed Jane." Loki replies. "There are a great many creatures inhabiting these Realms which you would find yourself surprised at the existence of."

"Well, maybe if I'm lucky, you'll take me around one day and show me." She smiles.

And Loki feels his heart leap.

It feels at once he may be light enough to fly.

"I would like that." He says quietly.

"Me too." Jane says, before turning and disappearing into the bedroom.

/

Later, after Loki had changed into a more comfortable pair of his own trousers and short-sleeved tunic, along with fresh undergarments, he sits with Jane along the couch out in the living area, and tells her tales of the different world's which inhabit the universe. He tells her of the cultures of those world's peoples, how they differ so greatly from her own world, and from Asgard, and in what ways they are the same.

He tells her how, as a youth, when he discovered the secret walkways between worlds, when he learned how to traverse the universe without the aide of Heimdall and the Bifrost, he would spirit away to each and every corner of Yigddrasil, and spend months, sometimes even years at a time upon each world, just exploring and learning and immersing himself in the different ways of life and different views and thought processes.

Jane sat, entranced by just how much Loki knew. Mesmerized by his vivid story telling and wit-filled words. By the way he would conjure small illusions of his adventures and let them play out before her, whole conversations and encounters he had had with other beings and creatures from a thousand, two thousand, three thousand years ago!

She saw Loki as he was then. Younger, face rounded by his youth, skin glowing and healthy and filled with more color.

She could see the difference now. Though there were few outward signs of his having aged at all, his skin still just as smooth and flawless, there was now a gauntness and a weariness to Loki's features which hadn't existed back then. The weight of multitudes of millennia upon him, and the burden of traumatizing experience.

Something in it caused Jane's heart to sink in dismay, a sadness settling inside her to know that, once, Loki had been an innocent child, and wondered and marveled at the universe, as she once had in her days as a girl. That once, Loki had been happy even.

It astonished her too, how he could remember so much, in such incredible detail. How the words he had spoken and heard from so many thousands of years ago still remained so perfectly in his mind, and once again, she was reminded that Loki was far from human. That his mind was of something else, something more advanced, something far superior to that of any man or woman she'd ever known.

Eventually, when the conversation had moved on to the intricacies of the way the universe worked, and Loki had gone into, with stunning detail and expertise, the birth of stars, when he told her, with the clarity of one who could only have truly been there, what it is like to witness such a thing, and too to witness the death of stars, and the formation of galaxies, of solar systems and black holes, to stand at the edge and watch a star collapse, or to stand at the center of gases swirling and converging in the perfect symmetry to form new ones, when he showed her what truly, truly those things look like with his magic, so she could see with her own eyes, and went on to describe an entire layer of the universe to her which she never even knew existed, the theory of Seidr, the flow and presence and connectively of the World Tree's energy, of the magic that flowed so strongly and innately through his own veins, and which he had had the talent to manipulate, when he had done all this, again, she was reminded further that he was something so much more than a man.

He was able to give it to her in numbers and theory and equations, in a way Thor hadn't been able to at all. And Jane had sat beside him, listening in pure awe, and writing frantically to capture the revelations of the existence around them he was so freely willing to share.

The conversation had lasted for hours, though Jane had done little but allow Loki to talk, not wanting to interrupt, only doing so when she grew too excited to hold her tongue and keep her impossibly numerous questions to herself. And each one he had obligingly answered, a patient smile upon his lips.

And now they sit in a comfortable silence, still along the couch.

Loki is drinking from a bottle of water she had fetched him, picking absently at a turkey sandwich she had made for him to go with it. It remains not even half eaten, but at least he's getting some food into him, she thinks.

It doesn't escape Jane, in the silence, that a sort of melancholy seems to have fallen over the mischief god in the last twenty or so minutes, his expression sullen. It is made all the more obvious following the enthusiasm of their earlier interaction, and Jane finds herself concerned.

She is about to open her mouth to ask if he's alright, when suddenly his voice breaks the quiet.

"The All-Father came to me while I was being kept in that facility." He says, his eyes fixed ahead at nothing in particular.

For a moment, Jane isn't sure she's heard him correctly.

"What?" She asks, looking back at him.

"Odin." Loki says. "He… he came to my room. He was there."

Jane's eyes go wide then, realizing what he's saying.

"Oh my… Loki." She breathes, a kind of unease coming over her. Unthinkingly, she reaches out, taking hold of his arm. "Are you… are you alright? He didn't… I mean, he didn't do anything, or…?"

Loki shakes his head, still not meeting her gaze.

"He came only to talk." He answers, and there is something weighted in his voice. Something lost and angry.

Jane feels the beginnings of apprehension beginning to build in her stomach, and she swallows, uncertain of how she should proceed.

She doesn't want to say the wrong thing. Doesn't want to upset Loki.

It is almost a relief when he starts talking again on his own.

"He wished to apologize." He says, and the bitterness in his voice is evident. "Wished to make amends for… for everything. For the lies he fed me. For the way he manipulated and regarded me growing up."

He pauses, and Jane can see him swallow thickly. There is a very vague tremor working through his frame.

"He thinks he can…" Loki shakes his head. "he thinks he can just speak such words and render his past deeds forgiven? That he can… can make this right because now… now he realizes the fault of his actions? It does not work as such. It does not…"

Again, he stops, and his face turns down, the trembling in his limbs suddenly more pronounced. He claps his hands together in an attempt to control it.

"I cannot forgive him so easily." He says finally, and his voice is strained and weak. "I cannot… cannot trust him… I cannot trust him."

"Loki," Jane says softly, reaching down without hesitation and laying her hand over his own. "I'm sorry." Her hand squeezes. "I'm sorry."

And finally he turns to her, and she sees his eyes glistening in the dark, wet with unshed tears.

He regards her a long moment, brow lined in wonder, lips pulled into a slight frown.

"… He told me what you did." He says suddenly.

For an instant, Jane is confused.

"He…?"

"He told me he feared I would know. That I would deduce his lie if he were to spend too much of his time with me." Again, she sees him swallow. "He told me he attempted to force me to be as Thor in the belief it would do me well. That it would… would protect me from the truth of my heritage."

Jane can only stare back at him as, again, he shakes his head, and he pulls a hand from under hers, wiping at his eyes as he turns away.

"Only, it accomplished the opposite." He goes on, the tremor having reached his voice. "I thought… I thought he hated me. I thought myself only ever a dis… disappointment to him."

"Oh, Loki." Jane says. "That's not true though. You know now that's not true."

"But I believed it then." He says harshly. "You could not know. You were not there."

Loki's hands clench then, and there is tension building through his body.

"My childhood is filled with memories of Odin personally seeing to Thor's training and lessons, while I was left alone and to my own devices. With memories of the All-Father praising Thor's skill and strength in the training rings, while chastising me for being useless with broadswords and battle axes and maces. He would… he would raise his voice to me and berate me for my weakness before all my peers. All I ever heard from him was that I was not good enough. And never once… not once did I receive a word of praise, a word of encouragement from him for the proficiency I showed in my studies. For my skill in magic.

"He showed no interest, no care in the things I did, though I tried… I tried so hard to make him see, to make him… to make him proud. I wanted only for him to take notice, to see. But his attentions were only ever for Thor. His kind words never… never for my ear. He would…" again he pauses, wiping at his eyes. "he would call Thor in to his private study and hold long set conversation with him, but always the times I beseeched his company, he would tell me he was too weighed down with the affairs of his Kingdom and had no time, and he would send me away. Memories in my mind of him doing so, and not moments later, Thor would go in after me, and would not emerge for hours. I was certain he hated me. Certain, and he never gave me any reason to suspect otherwise."

At last, he looks back to Jane, his face etched with awful pain.

"He… he claims now such was never his intent." He says quietly. "He claims such, but still it is what I was made to feel. I cannot forgive him so easily. I cannot."

Jane's brow lines in sadness, and she shakes her head.

"I know Loki." She says. "And you shouldn't. You shouldn't have to do that."

She reaches over then, taking hold once more of his hands.

"But maybe you want to forgive him Loki." She says. "And maybe, because of that, someday you'll be able to."

Silence falls between them then, the god staring back at her intently. So much so, for a moment, Jane feels almost uncomfortable, almost looks away. But she forces her eyes to stay with his. And then he says,

"Jane, I…" he hesitates, and she keeps silent. "you are the only…"

Abruptly, he turns his gaze from hers, the tension suddenly returning to his frame, and he breathes out loudly.

"You are a… a friend to me." He finally manages, and his eyes shift to the floor. "I have not…" he swallows. "it is rare that I ever have… have been able to ever call another such. It is very rare."

There is a raw and open loneliness in Loki's voice then, and Jane feels her throat constrict, the backs of her eyes stinging.

"It is that…" Loki starts again after a moment, hesitating. "it is that…"

Jane waits, afraid that if she interrupts, she may throw him from whatever he wishes to say.

And then he turns back to her.

"It is that I… I like you Jane." He at last breaths, and his voice trembles slightly with the words. And it strikes Jane like a lightening bolt, that there is fear in his voice.

"Loki…" she starts.

But he interrupts her, barreling on rapidly as though terrified if he does not, he'll never get the words out. Like he's afraid she won't let him.

"It is that I like you very… very much." He says. "I… I have admired you since first I met you. Your intelligence and your bravery and your… your beauty. I have admired you truly Jane, and…"

There is a flush beginning to spread up Loki's cheeks, Jane notices, and she can scarcely believe it.

And very abruptly then, he looks away.

"Oh, I make of myself a fool." He mutters, voice barely more than a whisper. He's embarrassed, and something about the realization breaks Jane's heart. Thor's words come back to her then, the story he told her of Loki and that woman, Idra. Of what she'd done to Loki.

"No." She says, determined. "No, no, Loki, you… you don't. You don't."

"You must think me absurd and witless, the way I stumble over my words." He says.

"No, Loki, I don't." Jane insists urgently. "I don't. You… you're so eloquent and so smart. How could you say that when you're the smartest man I've ever met?"

He looks back to her then, and he smiles at her almost shyly, the expression somehow sad.

"You are kind to me Jane." He says.

And then at once he stands from the couch and paces away, his movement almost frantic and frustrated.

"But my notions are the notions of a fool." He says rigidly. "I force myself upon you in the hopes you might return my affections, when…"

He pauses abruptly, stilling, eyes widening, and Jane realizes the expression is one of shock at his own admission.

He turns away from her then, his hands ringing together nervously.

"You are… you are Thor's Lady." He says so softly, she almost doesn't hear. "Thor has chosen you, and you he, and 'tiss a foolish notion on my part to think for me you could hold the same regard. That you would ever choose…" his voice trails off, and his head bows.

Jane watches as his arms come up around himself, and he looks so small.

"You would forgive me Jane," he goes on near soundless. "for thusly imposing myself upon you? You would forgive me my transgression? Please…"

Whatever is left holding Jane's heart together, in that moment, cracks, and she stands, moving across the space between them.

She feels no hesitation then as she reaches out, placing a gentle hand upon his shoulder.

"Loki." She says quietly.

He doesn't move.

"Loki, look at me." She says. "Please look at me."

She moves her hand to his arm, and tugs, trying to turn him, until, eventually, he does, and she smiles up at him.

"I like you too Loki." She says.

He blinks, and for the briefest of moments, there is such a plain look of lost confusion across his features, and Jane realizes then that, before, he truly could not see in her any affection for him. That he could not believe it. And regret floods her veins, that she would have allowed it.

But as quickly as the look had come, it is gone, and he swallows visibly, his hands falling to his sides.

Long moments stretch into silence.

And then, his voice nothing more than a whisper, thick with timid uncertainty, with shyness, she hears him speak.

"May I kiss you upon your lips, Jane Foster?" He asks.

And so silently she nods, unthinking.

And then he is bending down, and her eyes slip closed as she feels the press of cool, dry lips against her own.

And like an instinct, she lets her lips part.

And then there is the taste of fresh fallen snow, and she realizes with a start that Loki's breath is cold, as like the sensation of ice. And then she feels cool, thin fingers slipping into her hair, holding gently to her head, the kiss at once deepening, and she reaches her own hands up, wrapping them round his neck and holding on.

She holds on, and suddenly, she thinks, she never wants to let go.

/

AN: Merry Christmas everybody! Hope you enjoyed the chapter!