Sorry about the wait guys, my laptop broke. I'm hoping to give you guys more frequent updates because I'm looking forward to writing the next few chapters. Be excited :)
Digging. Digging more graves. It felt like that's all I did lately. I spent so much time under the sun that I had a sun burn on the back of my neck, raw and angry. To top it all off, I had the headache of all headaches that just wouldn't go away. I miss the days where I could just pop a couple of aspirin and go about my day, now all you can do is hope it will die down.
There were a few of us digging. No one spoke to one another. They probably felt just as heavy as I did, I almost wanted to dig my own grave. I'm already living in hell.
Cas was among us, digging silently by herself. I don't think I've ever seen her volunteer to do something that didn't benefit her in one way or another, I think the others were just as surprised as I was. In turns, we all glanced her way now and then but she never once glanced in our direction. It was a wonder that she could even see what she was doing with her hair dangling over her eyes. Maybe she needed to keep herself busy like the rest of us. Maybe something broke through Cas's brick wall and punctured something inside that made her feel just as helpless as I did. Or maybe she just felt like it. Cas was unpredictable.
A tickle suddenly caught in my throat and I coughed it out as I leaned on my spade. It didn't take long to catch my breath and get back to work but the moment I realized Cas's cold eyes were burning into me I stopped in my tracks.
It was just a tickle.
As I began a slow walk back up the yard towards the prison, I realised I was drenched head to toe in sweat. I didn't even feel the heat as much as I usually do, so it was weird. A grey t-shirt was obviously not the best choice today. I wiped my brow and thought about how nice a shower sounded.
As I let the water consume me, I didn't even bother to wash myself properly. I gripped tightly as the metal pole that kept up the shower curtains, scared I'd collapse without support. I closed my eyes hard, the pounding in my head overwhelming me.
I had it.
I was scared shitless.
Once I realised this, I forced my eyes open and turned off the shower. As I pulled my mud ridden pants, the tickle came back, angry and violent. I heaved and choked into my hands but the cough still wouldn't ease up. Eventually I felt a cold pair of hands on my shoulders, I didn't hear anyone enter but whoever it was didn't let go of me until the coughing finally stopped.
I kept my head in my hands, feeling like my head was going to explode.
"You've got it" Cas told me.
"You're tellin' me like I don't already know" I spat back at her, the pounding in my temples making me even more irritated. "Sorry" I whispered, my voice cracking a little after the strain. I took my head out of my hands to find blood splattered on them and I sighed.
"You need to see Dr. S" Her hands were still on my shoulders, she was waiting for me to get up but that was the last thing I wanted to do right now.
"I know, Cas" I breathed out. I stood up and the room spun. I don't know what I grabbed but whatever it was, I grabbed it hard.
Cas breathed a rigid breath and I quickly pulled back my grip from her bicep."Sorry" I breathed out again.
She shook her head. "C'mon" She grabbed my wrist and half dragged me into the hallway.
I don't think I've ever walked so slow in my life. My bare feet shuffled across the hard floor like I was an old man fighting death. That's how I felt anyway.
Cold water dripped from my wet hair and rolled down onto my bare chest, it felt like against my burning hot skin though and I already wanted to go back into the shower.
"Uh, Cas?" I croaked. She didn't look at me but she must've been listening, I don't think even she was that ignorant. "I'm halfway to bein' naked"
Her face didn't faulter and I thought maybe she was actually that ignorant. But her grip on my wrist tightened slightly and she revealed the t shirt and shoes she held in her other hand. I nodded a thanks, afraid to talk just in case it caused my throat to strain.
Regardless, I had to speak to her again because it's bothering me now and I already feel like I'm dying anyway. "Why are you-" A gurgled cough spluttered out of my throat and I could taste the blood but I swallowed it back down, refusing another fit. "Why are you bein' so nice?" I finally finished.
Her hair still covered most of her face but I think she was frowning. She loosened her grip on my wrist so much that if I pulled at all, I would've been free. "I'm not" Her jaw was locked.
I didn't want to push her, this was the most civil she'd been to me ever since she got here and I wasn't about to ruin that with my big mouth. "Okay" I nodded and we walked the rest of the way in silence.
Cas pushed the door open with her shoulder and dragged me inside. By this point, the pounding in my skull had consumed me and I was gripping on everything within arm length just so I could stand up right.
When Cas tried to pull me further inside, I gripped onto the closest thing and stood still. Her head snapped back in a jerky motion and I though she might hit me but I'm too tired to care. I let my head loll to the side and rest on the bicep that was keeping me from falling to the ground. "You need to go" I told her, trying to free myself from her grip but failing. I was weak.
She scoffed and looked at me through her fringe. "Just get the fuck in a cell"
I opened my mouth in protest but all that came out was a gagged cough. Dr. S came from around a corner a moment later, holding himself up by the wall next to him. "This one is free" He told us, pointing to the cell on his left. Cas grabbed my arm and draped it over her shoulders and walked me over. Considering she was about a foot smaller than me, she was surprisingly strong. She threw me on the bed and I noticed a small blood stain near the pillow. This cell had been usedalready and it hadn't ended well. I pull my knees up to my chest and sit there for a while. Cas sat down on the chair beside the bed, the feet resting on the edge of the bed and she had her arms folded across her chest. We sat in silence, the sound of coughing fits echoed throughout the cell block and sometimes I couldn't hear them over the sound of my own coughing fits. By now, blood crisped on my hands and up my forearms. There wasn't any point in cleaning it off.
I wasn't sure how long I had been here for but when Glenn turned up and sat next to me I thought it must've been a while. His face was pale and his eyes red, blood stained his lips and he looked as tired as I felt. My heart dropped a little at the sight of him, he literally looked like death. But I must look the same.
"I was hoping I wouldn't find you here after you didn't show up to the council meeting" His voice sounded groggy as he looked me over with glazed eyes, handing me a bottle of water.
I took it from him with a shaky hand. I didn't want to look as weak as I did in front of Glenn but I couldn't help it. We were in the same boat anyway. "I wouldn't have even made it out the shower room if it wasn't for Cas" I nodded towards a now obviously asleep Cas.
Glenn's face screwed up in confusion as he watched Cas's chest slowly rise and fall. "Why is she still here?" He asked quietly, probably hoping to not wake her up.
"I have no idea" I shook my head and took a sip of water. "Does Maggie know you're..." I trailed off, not wanting to tell him he's probably going to die just like the rest of us.
He nodded sadly. "Yeah, she knows"
"Does Beth know?" I couldn't stop the question before it came to my head.
He shook his head no. "She's in quarantine with Judith. No ones allowed to see her"
I nodded my head slowly, not really knowing how to reply. It's better she didn't know, she would only worry.
The sound of banging replaced the echoed coughs and Glenn and I sat up on the bed. We both knew what that sound meant and I dragged myself to my feet. The room spun a little, but I regained balance. Glenn followed me as I exited the cell,following the sound.
The walker went down with a thud and I wiped the blood off my knife before putting it back in the holster I thankfully never took off. Blood had streamed out every possible hole of the walker's face. Suffocation is what is killing people, then. "How many time are we gonna have to do this?" I asked Glenn lazily as we both looked down at the walker still locked behind it's cell.
"You shouldn't be doin' anythin', either of you" Hershel's voice ran out and he shut the door behind him. He wore a scarf around his nose and mouth and held a box of what I presumed to be supplies. "Both of you back to your cells, I'll see to you soon" He told us. Glenn went upstairs but I didn't move.
"Is this gonna happen to us?" I asked him, my voice no more than a whisper.
"I won't let it, son"
I nodded and pushed myself away from the cell, making my way towards my own. Cas was awake and watching me. I practically fell on my bed and propped myself up by the wall. "People are dying" I told her.
She didn't say anything back to me. Her icy blue eyes bore holes into me, I couldn't tell what she wanted. Before I could ask, I began coughing again and blood poured out of my mouth and onto my still bare chest. I coughed and coughed and heaved but nothing would relieve me from the suffocating feeling that was now burning inside my chest. Cas jumped from her feet and was at my side, gently touching my back. She must have know that wouldn't help but there's nothing she could do anyway. After a couple of minutes, the coughing died down but my whole body was trembling. Cas offered me water but I refused, terrified it would bring on another coughing fit. Hershel came in a second later with a small bowl in his hands, his face scarf was now in his pocket. He sat on the chair that Cas wasn't occupying anymore and held the bowl out for me. "Drink this"
I eyed it up curiously. "What is it?" My voice was unrecognisable, but I was surprised I could talk at all, my throat felt like it was on fire.
"Don't ask questions, just drink" He pushed it further towards me and I took it from him. My trembling hands could barely hold it and before I dropped it, Cas took it from me with a small annoyed huff and held it up against my lips. I couldn't taste anything, but I felt the lukewarm liquid slightly sooth the burning in my throat. Cas forced me to down the whole thing before she gave Hershel the bowl back and I lolled my head backwards, letting rest on the wall behind me as I quietly shook.
"May I ask what you're doin' here, young lady?" I heard Hershel ask.
"No you may not" Cas replies sarcastically. She was still looking at me as she spoke, I could feel it.
"Trust me, you do not want to be sick right now" Hershel warned her.
I felt her shift next to me and then she got up. She mumbled something that sounded a lot like "I don't give a fuck" before she left the cell.
Hershel pulled his seat closer to me, but I still didn't have the energy to lift my head. "What a lovely you lady" He commented sarcastically.
I don't think I've ever heard Hershel be sarcastic before but I was too annoyed to call him out on it. "She's not that bad" My head rolled to the side slightly so I could see Hershel. "She's fucked up like the best of us, she just deals with it differently" I defended her.
Hershel nodded and he thankfully dropped it. "Keep this on your forehead" He set a wet cloth next to me and got up and moved onto his next patient. I threw my head backwards once again but with a little more force this time, causing a dull thud. I regretted it when it sent a sharp wave of pain through my skull. Cas came skulking in just in time to see me wince. Her face didn't seem to change but she sat next to me again, grabbing the wet cloth from beside me. She gently rested it on my forehead and I couldn't help but let a small whimper escape my lips. It wasn't from pain, it was because the cloth was freezing cold and it just felt so good.
"Do you want a blanket?" There was so much care in her voice, it didn't sound a thing like her. I had to open my eyes just to check it was.
My eyes met her icy cold ones and I felt my lip tremble. Her hair was pushed from her eyes and I almost forgot how beautiful she was. That wasn't what made my bones chill though. She looked like she didn't want to kill me for once. More than that, she looked worried about me. I must have looked like I was on the brink of death and I was scared. "Cas?" My voice was a gurgled whisper and she moved her face closer to mine so she could hear.
"Yeah?" She asked, just as quiet as me.
I clenched my teeth a couple of times, trying to blink away the pain. "Am I gonna be okay?"
Her eyes dropped down a little, glazing over. She nodded after a heartbeat, causing her hair to consume her face again. "You're gonna be fine" Her hard voice was back and I didn't hear anything after that as I found sleep.
When I woke up again it was to a coughing fit. Blood splattered onto the blanket that had carefully been placed over my legs during my sleep and it took everything in my just to breathe. I found the bowl of Hershel's secret recipe on the chair and I grabbed it desperately, pouring it down my throat to find some relief. I sighed after it worked and pushed the blanket off of me. My hair was saturated with sweat, I pushed my fingers through it to stop it from dripping down. I sat up, wondering where Cas is, feeling a little worried for some reason. Honestly, I was just surprised I hadn't died in my sleep. I heard commotion coming from outside my cell so I pulled my knife out of it's holster and stood up.
I thought walking was hard. Climbing stairs was even harder. It felt like a weight was trying to pull me towards the ground but I wasn't letting it.
I found Hershel, Sasha, Glenn, and Cas at the top of the stairs. They crowded around a man who lay on the floor, blood pooling from his mouth. Sasha squeezed on something that connected to a tube going down his throat. Oxygen. He was no longer able to breathe on his own and that scared me even more.
"You shouldn't be out of bed" Hershel didn't look up when I joined them.
"I feel like I'm gonna die if I lay there any longer" My voice was a deadpan mumble.
"Glenn, stay with Sasha. Swap whenever one of you feels light-headed" He stood up, still not looking at me. "You two, follow me"
Cas and I joined him, I wasn't even sure what we were doing but I was hoping it was something productive.
We walked downstairs, which was a lot easier than walking up them, and walked down all the cells. People were lying down, sleeping, crying, coughing. There was a child playing cards with an elderly woman. I ran a hand through my hair again nervously, trying to pretend like that kid isn't going to die soon.
Hershel stopped at the next cell where an elderly man lay, eyes open and unseeing, staring at the ceiling. It was Mr. Jacobson. Clotted blood ran down the side of his cheeks. He had been dead for a while. I twisted the knife in my hand uncomfortably but Cas snatched it off me. "It's my turn" She snarled.
Hershel grabbed her wrist before she could do it. "Not here" He whispered angrily. She gave him a thunderstorm of a look and ripped her arm away from him as if his touch physically hurt her.
Hershel disappeared for a second and came wheeling back a stretcher. "Help me get him on this"
He wheeled it inside and I wrapped my arms under his, pulling him onto the stretcher as Hershel hauled his legs. After draping a sheet over him, Hershel and I wheeled him out with Cas on our toes.
"What are you doing?" A small voice called out and we all turned around to find Lizzie watching us.
"You two carry on" I whispered and they did as I said as I knelt before her.
"We're takin' Mr. Jacobson somewhere quieter" I told her.
"You're killing him, aren't you?" By the way her face scrunched up, she knew the answer to the question. She began to cry. "You can't kill him!"
"Shh" I rest my hand on her shoulder, trying to comfort her but she covered her face with her hands and ran back into her cell.
Later that night, or day, I couldn't really tell what time it was, I met Maggie at the glass window where we communicated with the others without risking spreading the illness. As soon as she caught sight of me her face dropped. "Where's Glenn?" She asked me. Her voice was muffled by the glass but I could still tell that she was on the verge of tears.
"Asleep. We've been busy helpin' your dad" I sat myself down a little too heavily, too weak to stand myself up longer than necessary.
"I can help if you need help" Her gaze was worrying.
"No, it's fine, we've got Cas in here"
She nodded, but the worried look still plastered her face.
"I know I look amazing right now, but there's no need to stare"
Maggie laughed at that, and the tension eased up slightly. "How are you feelin'?"
"It feels like my head will explode any second now" She lost her smile at that. "I'll be fine. We'll be fine" I reassured her as well as myself. She nodded and sighed. "How's Beth?" I couldn't restrain myself from asking any longer.
Her laughed was small and sweet. "She's okay" She was waiting for this question. "Worried about you"
I sighed, I was worried about her worrying. But the truth is, I'm worried too. "Tell her not to. Tell her I'll be out of here in no time. Tell her-" I cut myself off, feeling a tightness in my throat that had nothing to do with being sick. "Tell her I love her"
She stared at me for a second, blinking a couple of times before a small smile crept up onto her face. "You can tell her yourself when you get better"
I laughed a little that turned into a cough. Thankfully it wasn't one of my messy kinds and I was able to play it cool like I don't feel like I could cough up my insides any minute.
"Adam?" Her voice was small and I looked back up to her to find her eyes welled up. "Look out for him"
I nodded, understanding who she was talking about. "Always do" She smiled before turning around and walking away, leaving me with my swollen heart.
Cas and I were asleep in my cell when shit hit the fan. I heard Lizzie scream for Hershel and then a familiar groan followed and Cas and I were on our feet before we even thought about it. I stood up way too fast, gripping onto the chair for support but Cas had already left me, mumbling curse words under her breath as she left. I grabbed my knife and eventually followed, feeling like a paper bag could floor me. Outside, a walker had Hershel pinned to the floor but Cas was already stomping on it's face. Not the most ideal way to kill a walker in front of a room full of dying people but it did the trick.
All of a sudden, a gunshot rang through the cell block and I turned to see a man being eaten by who I think was his son. He screamed in agony as I tore the walker off him, quickly digging my knife in it's skull. The man was already dead now so I picked up his gun and shot a walker near Cas
"I had it!" She screamed at me and I shook my head. She is so stubborn.
Hershel ran up the stairs when Lizzie began screaming and I followed. By the time my weak body made it up the stairs, Hershel had dealt with the walker.
Glenn was choking on blood at the top of the stairs and I dropped to my knees in front of him. Blood poured from his mouth and I felt helpless. He was barely breathing.
Breathing.
I knew what he needed, I just needed to find it.
My legs nearly gave out when I stood up but I carried on. I had to carry on. I made my way to where Hershel and Lizzie were before and spotted the walker that still had the intubator wrapped around it's face. I ducked under the railing and immediately, the walker grabbed me. I was too weak to be wrestling with a walker and I could already feel my game slipping. Maggie stood beneath us, aiming her gun at the walker and I panicked. "Don't, you could hit the bag, we need it for Glenn" I yelled down to her. Of course, she didn't listen. A gunshot rang in my ears and suddenly there was no more fight so I grabbed the intubator from the walkers face and made my way to Glenn as quick as I could.
Maggie and Hershel were already there, getting out as much blood from his airway as possible. Maggie sobbed 'dad' every now and then as she cradled Glenn's now blue face. I gave Hershel the intubator and he got to work, forcing it down Glenn's throat. The moment Hershel pushed some air into his lungs, Glenn finally stopped struggling. His face turned back to the pale color it was before his fit and he relaxed against Maggie. "You're gonna be okay" Maggie told him in the softest voice. I breathed a breath of relief before thinking about the mess that was downstairs. Cas must be going to town.
Before I got up, I felt a gentle touch on my knee. I looked down to find Maggie looking up at me, her eyes full of gratitude. "Thank you"
I nodded, because I didn't know what else to do and left her, Hershel and Glenn to it.
I went downstairs to find Cas standing in my middle of the cell block, covered in blood and surrounded by bodies. "Told you I had it" She smirked at me.
Before I could laugh at her, a wave of exhaustion hit me like a tsunami and I gripped onto the railing as hard as I could. Cas's smirk dropped and she ran to me side. "I need to-" was the last thing I could say before my legs gave out from under me and everything went black.
When I woke next, the first thing I noticed was that I didn't feel as heavy anymore. The second thing I noticed were icy blue eyes on mine.
"How are you feeling?" The words came out of Cas's mouth way too fast and the way she sat back in the chair with a loud thud, I think she noticed. She must have been waiting for me to wake up for a while
"How long was I out?" My voice was croaky but not as bad as it was.
"A few hours. Daryl and the others came back with medicine just after you passed out" She informed me.
"I feel like I could run a marathon" I told her sarcastically.
She let out a breathy laughed and visibly relaxed a little. "That was intense as fuck"
"You could say that again" I sat up and rubbed my head, the dull pounding nowhere near as bad as it was. Silence fell over us and I remembered she still hasn't given me answers. "Y'know, you still haven't told me why you stayed"
She let out a loud sigh, she wanted me to know that was annoying her. "Why can't you drop it?" Her tone was harsh but it didn't phase me.
"Because you've wanted to kill me ever since we met. Just wanna know the reason for the sudden change of heart" I shrugged.
She worked her jaw until she opened he mouth to speak. Once she did speak though, it came out in a hushed whisper. "Zach would've wanted me to" The silence that was now up in the air felt like a dead weight and I had no idea what to say to her. Thankfully, she carried on. "I heard you tried to save him when he went down. That the others had to drag you out" She wasn't looking at me anymore, she was looking down at her fumbling hands in her hands, just like Beth does when she's nervous. My stomach flipped at the thought of her but now wasn't the time. "He thought you were cool, y'know. He was just scared because of Beth. He knew you had the hots for her so he kept his distance"
I frowned, because that's exactly what I wanted to happen at the time. I was torn between hating him and liking him. On one hand, he was keeping Beth happy. On the other hand, he was keeping Beth happy. "I was jealous of him" I confessed.
She nodded slowly. "I think he knew that" The silence was no longer uncomfortable and I sighed a breath of relief into it. All of a sudden she stood up and held a hand out to me. "C'mon, let's go and see her" She rolled her eyes at my dumb smile as I let her help me up from the bed.
I couldn't wait to see Beth.
