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Chapter 28 – Shame

Edward was at my side in seconds. His hands reached for my face as he forced me to look in his eyes. There was anger there, but it only barley masked the pain that twisted his expression. Such beautiful eyes he had. I could see the flecks of orange that scattered perfectly around his pupil in his bright green eyes. He was speaking to me, I knew he was. But all I could do was stare into those hypnotizing green eyes. I felt safe again. Instantly safe. Edward was here, I could feel the pressure of his hands on my arms.

"Bella!" he called loudly into my face.

I blinked hard.

"What did he do?" Edward asked again.

But now Emmett was speaking. "He had her pinned to the ground, Edward. I don't think he hurt her, but he scared the shit out of her."

"Did he hurt you, Bella?" Edward's face was inches away from mine as he searched my face.

My eyes fell to the waistband on my jeans, and tears filled my eyes. There was a long rip just beneath the zipper. Jacob's hand had ripped the front of my pants in effort to quickly remove his hand from where it had been, pressed against me. I nodded. Yes, Jacob had hurt me. He had hurt me so bad, our friendship had gone to the point of no return. It could never be mended now.

Edward's hands flew away from my shoulders and a loud roar echoed through the small house as Edward screamed out in rage.

"Wait!" Emmett yelled as he chased Edward through the front door.

I stood, motionless in the kitchen; listening.

"Edward! What the fuck are you going to do?" Emmett yelled.

There was a few smacking sounds, some shuffling and then the slam of a car door. I heard the ignition and then a screech of burned rubber. And then Emmett calling after Edward.

Emmett ran back into the house. His eyes found me, frozen in the kitchen.

"He's going after Jacob," he said, and then he ran to the telephone. "Chief Swan?" Emmett said. "This is Emmett, Edward's older brother. Edward is on his way to Jacob Black's house. I suggest you get there before Edward does. Goodbye."

Emmett slammed the received down hard and then snatched his keys up from the counter top.

"Are you coming or what?" he yelled to me.

He didn't need to ask me twice. I ran swiftly behind him, through the front door. We ran quickly to Emmett's red Jeep. It was still raining, and I was soaked through instantly as I climbed into warm Jeep. Emmett started the ignition and then peeled out of the driveway with incredible speed, his tires rolling over the ferns and sidewalk curb. I was barely aware of the speed we drove at. All I could think about was Edward and what might happen if he caught up to Jacob before Charlie did. I was terrified.

"It's going to be okay," Emmett said. His hand reached out to grasp mine, startling me.

I hadn't realized I was shaking. A couple of very long minutes later, I began to see bright red and blue lights in the distance.

"Shit!" Emmett hissed as he jabbed his foot harder on the accelerator. We were at Jacob's house in seconds.

I pushed the passenger door opened before Emmett had even cut the engine, and I ran out into the rain.

"Edward!" I screamed, searching for him in the thick downpour. "Edward!"

"Over here," I heard Charlie call.

I ran numbly, stumbling over my feet, towards his cruiser. Edward was sitting in the back seat, with the door open. Edward sat motionless, his head in his hands. I walked slowly towards Edward, and pushing his hands away from his face, I crawled unsteadily into his lap. Edward responded instantly, pulling my body closer to his chest and tucking my head beneath his chin.

"What happened?" I heard Emmett call.

"Not much," Charlie said. "I found Edward here, pounding down the Black's front door, calling out for Jake. He almost gave Billy a heart attack."

"Where's Jacob?" Emmett asked.

"Don't know. Billy said he didn't come home."

Edward gripped me tighter.

"Could someone please explain to me why Edward tried to break down Billy's door?" Charlie asked. "What happened?"

I turned to peer into Charlie's hooded face. His eyes were sullen as he stared back at me. I climbed off of Edward's lap and faced Charlie head on. I wasn't afraid of hurting anyone's feelings anymore, not even Charlie's, not after what had happened to me.

"Jacob Black showed up at Edward's house, Charlie," I said. My voice came out raspy, but still loud and harsh. "He knew I had gone to see you. You're wrong about him, Charlie. He doesn't have just a crush on me anymore."

"What are you talking about, Bella?" Charlie said. He tried to reach a hand out to my shoulder, but I shrugged away aggressively.

"He tried to rape me!" I screamed into his face. "He pinned me down and tried! But Emmett was there and he scared Jacob away before he could do anything serious. " I was crying now; hysterics building in my chest. I felt Edward's hands yank me away from Charlie as he pulled me into a tight, protective hug. The feel of his body against mine was comforting, and I pressed my face deeper into his chest, still sobbing.

"I.." Charlie began, but words deserted him now. He just stood there frozen.

After a few moments, Charlie spoke again.

"Take her home, Edward," he said. "I'm going to put a warrant out for Jacob's arrest."

I didn't see, nor hear, what Edward's response was. But suddenly, Edward bent to sweep me off of my feet, and cradling me against his chest, he walked slowly back to his car.


"I shouldn't have gone to work," Edward said. His voice was barley a whisper.

We were sitting, face to face in Edward's small bathtub. As soon as we had gotten home, Edward carried me straight up to his bedroom. He stripped my clothes off carefully, removing his as well, and then pulled me into the bathroom where he started the hot water in the bathtub. Once the tub was properly full, he stepped into the water and pulled me in after him. He washed my hair slowly and then scrubbed me down, taking his time. And now we sat, face to face, surrounded by warm water.

Edward's hand suddenly reached up, brushing against my cheek as he tucked a lock of wet hair behind my ear. "I should have gone with you to Charlie's house. I should have been with you at all times."

"Don't," I said, my voice cracking slightly.

"I should have been here Bella," Edward said, his eyes clouded with pain.

"None of us could have guessed how… sick… Jacob Black could be," I said. My face twisted in shame as I relieved those last few minutes with Jacob.

Edward cupped a hand around my face. "Tell me what he did to you," Edward whispered softly.

I shook my head and closed my eyes. I still hadn't told him all of the details. I didn't want to put him through the pain I felt. The shame I felt whenever I thought of Jacob's hands on me. How would Edward see me after knowing the truth? Would he look at me differently, see Jacob's hands all over my body? How could he ever want me the same way after knowing my body was now tainted by the devil? The devil's hands had caressed the most private and personal part of my body. I knew Edward would only be disgusted by me.

"Bella," Edward said. "I need to know. I want to know what you are feeling. Our minds are one; your pain is my pain."

I opened my eyes again and stared back at Edward.

"Tell me what he did to you," he said again.

I took a deep breath, deciding that I must tell Edward the truth, no matter what.

"He saw me leave Charlie's house," I began. "And he followed me here on his motorcycle. He asked me what I'd said to Charlie, but I wouldn't tell him. He ran at me." I swallowed hard, my voice shaking now. "He pinned me down and screamed into my face, over and over, asking me what I'd said to Charlie. Still I didn't tell him. Two of his hands held mine while the other one… touched me. He didn't like my response so he… pushed his hand into my pants, feeling me."

Edward was watching my face closely. His face was smooth as he listened, but his eyes gave him away. Slowly, his eyes began to fill with tears.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," he said.

I reached my hand up and brushed a fallen tear away from his face. "I'm alright," I lied.

"No you're not," Edward countered. He knew me now, better than anyone. "I can see what he's done to you. The shame you feel."

I grimaced, unwilling to meet his gaze.

"Please, don't be ashamed. You are not damaged, my love, but pure. And perfect, always perfect—."

"Stop," I said, cutting him off. "How can I be… pure… after what he's done to me? How can you see past that?" Tears were falling from my eyes now. I watched as they broke the surface of the bath water.

"Because all I see is you. I don't care where he's touched you. Your body remains unchanged to me. I still love and adore every single part of you."

"Do you?" I asked with a shaky voice.

Edward's hands slid slowly up my legs, past my knees and up my thighs. But they stopped just below my center. My eyes finally met his. He was watching me carefully.

"Of course I do, my love. Nothing could ever make me stop loving you. Nothing could ever change the way I see you; the way I feel about you." Edward's fingertips brushed very softly against my center. "May I?" he asked, a small smile at the edge of his lips.

I nodded slowly.

Edward's hands moved carefully towards my vagina, his fingertips sliding carefully over my folds. "Still beautiful," he said before pushing a finger into me.

I gasped loudly, my body twitching slightly.

"Do you want me to stop?" Edward breathed his lips only an inch away from mine.

"No," I breathed back.

Edward's hands began to move again, his finger pressing in and out of me slowly and carefully. Already I was forgetting about Jacob Black and what had happened only hours ago on the front lawn. His face was drifting out of my memory and only Edward filled my mind. Edward licked his lips and bent down to kiss me deeply. His tongue swirled with mine, tasting me, the rhythm of his tongue moving at the same pace as his finger.

His finger. Thick and solid as it moved in and out of me, while his thumb moved in circles over my clit. But I couldn't reach my orgasm.

"Edward," I groaned, reaching down to grip the hand between my legs. "Edward, I can't."

Edward stopped kissing me, and he sat there for a few seconds starring into my eyes. And then he moved, getting up out of the bathtub and pulling me out with him. Edward snatched a towel up and wrapped it around me, drying me off carefully. And then he did the same to himself.

"Let's go to bed," he said, placing a kiss on my shoulder.

We walked slowly back to the bedroom and then climbed under the covers. Edward pulled me into his arms, his head tilted back as he starred into my eyes.

"So beautiful," he whispered, his eyes never leaving mine. "I'll never let you go, Isabella Swan."

I couldn't stand it any longer. I wrapped my arm around his head and forced his lips against mine. Lust took over my fear and anxiety and all I wanted was him, inside of me. Edward caught on quickly, rolling me onto my back. He positioned himself on top of me, the head of his penis probing my vagina. I lifted my legs involuntarily, shifting my hips towards him.

"I want you," I moaned against his lips.

Edward pushed into me, and I was momentarily surprised at how wet I had become. He fucked me gently at first, but I couldn't handle his sensitively for very long. After only a few minutes I pushed him onto his back and pulled myself on top of him, grinding my hips hard against his. I didn't have to do much of the work; Edward gripped my hips and forced me up and down on top of him, much faster than I would have been able to do on my own. But he didn't let me stay there for long. He sat up and forced me onto my back again, but this time I laced my legs around his waist, keeping him at the angle where I needed him. Edward's hands were on my breasts, kneading them as he thrust over and over against that pleasurable spot inside of me. His thrusts were quick and rough. I didn't last much longer.

I screamed out in ecstasy as I climaxed, but Edward didn't stop, his thrusts never wavering. I came multiple times that night as Edward fucked away all of my pain and insecurities.

"I didn't think you would see me the same way after what happened," I said. My head rested on Edward's chest, my finger tickling his navel.

Edward pushed my chin up so that I could meet his gaze. "Why would you think that?" he asked. His eyes drooped with exhaustion as he peered at me.

"Because I feel tainted," I answered.

"You still do, after everything I've said to you?:

"It's not something I can just wipe away, Edward. What Jacob did to me with stay with me for a very long time."

Edward watched me for a moment. "I'll spend the rest of my life helping you forget what happened. I'll make sure you know, every day, how beautiful and special you are."

I sighed deeply, once again overcome with emotion. Edward pulled my body close to his body once more, wrapping his strong arms around me and tucking my head under his chin.

"Goodnight, my love," Edward whispered, groggily.

"Goodnight," I breathed back as sleep overtook me.


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