"Shit, Jude are you on Birth control?" I asked hoping she would say yes. No praying she would say yes because of my stupid-ness and forgetting a condom every single time.
Just when I thought there was hope she tensed underneath me stood fully up and looked behind her shoulder with a worried face, "No" she whispered.
"I…I…forgot a condom….every time we…" I whispered back to her.
What the hell I'm a freaking expert and I forgot a condom how the hell does that happen? Can some one please explain…I mean even when I was married to Porsha I remembered. I still wore one every time even though she said it was okay I didn't because she wanted kids. I made it clear I didn't. I mean who the hell wants that much responsibility? I would be a horrible father I mean my father abused me what if I did the same thing to mine?
"That doesn't mean I'm pregnant" she pleaded looking lost and looking around the room to keep her sanity.
I turned her around and hugged her, damn it, "Jude…we…we…have to get a pregnancy test" I said looking straight at her even though I knew she was scared and wanted to get away from this. I hope if she's pregnant she's not going to get rid of it, there's a lot of things we can do, but getting rid of such a special baby wouldn't be the best choice. I could never kill my child, god I really don't want to be like my father.
Her eyes bulged out of her head, "No we can't I can't just waltz into a cvs and buy one without getting notice…it…it would be every where"
Damn true that would be every where and we don't want this getting out. We could always pay the doctors to stay shut or we'll press charges. Yeah I get every one who checks up on her to sign papers.
"Fine we'll go to the doctors and say you weren't feeling well and-" she cut me off for some reason. Does she want to know or not? Does she know already? If she does...does she want me to know? Would she tell me?
"Tommy we could ask Kat to get us one….I hate hospitals" she said quickly. I couldn't get the thoughts of Jude not telling me about our kid so I just nodded.
"I'll call her right now and tell her to go to the 24 hours open store" she said quickly. I nodded and grabbed my cloths out the kitchen and went into my…our…my room.
I went into the room and lied down. What do I do I don't a kid I can't even take care of myself. I mean before Jude came into my life I was nothing there was nothing worth living for., getting drunk every night, with woman every night and never to be seen in the morning. I don't understand how she loved me but I was glad but now I screwed every thing up for her and me. I could go to jail for this. I could give her a bad name if the pr toke it the wrong way. But now I have a reason to live and maybe two.
I promised my mother never to be like him and look at me, I'm thinking like him now. I can't do this to Jude I hurt her so much in the past nd I promised her I would never do it again. I have to call my parents…well at least my mother. Oh and I have to call Kwest, he'll know what to do.
I defiantly didn't know what to do at this point but then I heard her cry. I couldn't break her heart again. All that laughing about babies probably made her think I will leave her and didn't want it any more and I couldn't have that but what if she didn't want it any more? I was always careful and I messed up big time so the only thing I can do now is make it right.
I crouched down and grabbed her by her stomach to pick her up to stand I then picked her up bridle style in my arms and carried her into the bed carefully dropping her down to lay next to my and intertwined our hands while she panicked. I had to stay strong with her and for her.
"Tommy…I don't think I'm sick" She cried and I couldn't help but let a few tears down my face I loved this girl and she could be having my child. I mean I don't think I extensionally forgot to put a condom on but I'm glad she was the one to have my kid. No I was more then glad I just scarred.
"Jude if you were pregnant…would… you…get rid of it?" I asked quietly yet serious and she froze. Is she pregnant? Did she already get rid of it? Does she want this?
God I have to know if she is and just finding this out if she's going to kill it or not, she probably still doesn't believe every thing I tell her I have yet to marry her and stay to all my promises I promised.
"I can't" she whispered. I was smiling inside. She didn't want to kill our baby. "If I am I'm gonna love it" she said as a few more silent tears slide down my face. I could never ask for anything better from this woman. She gave me everything and all I could give her was a promised heart. What the hell am I doing?
As soon as she finished it I grabbed her and hugged her tight then quickly let go. What if she's pregnant what if I squashed the baby holy hell I'm a murder. I started feeling her stomach scared as hell.
"Are you okay? Did I squish your stomach? Do you fell-"
She put my finger on my lips and I stopped, "Baby I'm fine let me call Kat" I nodded silently. Maybe I didn't really kill the baby and I'm over reacting…Yeah I'm over reacting that's it.
"Want me to go pick her up?" I asked anxious I had to find out if I had a kid I refuse to run out like my dad did with my mother and older brother then come back and when I was born abuse me.
And she nodded then I hurried out of my….our…my apartment.
I grabbed my phone and dialed Kwest's number.
"What do you want?" Kwest grumbled into the phone
"Kwest?" I asked unsure if I should tell him.
"Yeah. What's the matter?" Yup he knew something's was up
"Jude's pregnant" I whispered really quiet hoping he didn't hear it but then again.
"What?" he asked, "I didn't hear you repeat that"
"I got Jude pregnant" I all but shouted frustrated
"WHAT!!!!" he screamed, oh shit he's gonna talk my ear off. This is not what I need
"I kinda need a favor only you can do since you know we're together and you're like a brother to me and know what I like and what Jude likes" I said exasperated. I really needed his support if anything went down.
"What do you need you idiot? My freaking boot up your ass? What the fuck are you doing Tommy? What the hell do you think you're fucking doing?" he yelled in my damn ear. Okay I'll give him a minute to cool off.
"A ring…an engagement ring…for Jude" I whispered
"WHAT THE FUCK…OH HELL NO. I WILL NOT BE INVOLVED IN THIS CRAZY SHIT OF-"I cut him off.
"I LOVE HER WITH ALL MY HEART, I'M IN FREAKIN LOVE WITH HER OKAY?" I screamed back almost crashing on the highway exit.
I waited a few minutes and then I continued,
"I was planning on getting married already but after I took her in my kitchen today I realized I haven't been wearing a condom when we were getting it on or all the times we did before" I whispered again
"Tommy what the fuck you're to old and she's only seventeen … this isn't acceptable…What are you going to do when every one ask her whose the father? Do you really want to go to jail? Wear orange suits and talk to your child through I telephone? Get rapped by paying inmates? God you're a dumbass" he yelled again but quieter.
He was right but I couldn't abandon Jude I just couldn't. I loved her with all my heart.
"I'm not getting out of this, I want to be in this. If we have to hide it two months or three months after the baby is born then that's what I'll do" I said determined.
I him sighed and huff, "What kind of ring would you like?" he asked sarcastically.
"Uh huh…well I would love it to be in the shape of a heart and I want it to be beautiful charge it to me, I don't care if it cost everything I have. I want it to be special"
"How do you fell about this?"
I sighed in the phone, "I never been more emotional in my life other than Angie and my mother" I whispered and heard him sigh again.
"I got to go but I want the ring tomorrow and thanks" I said to him as I saw kat come out her house and walk to the car door.
"Peace" and I hung up.
"Kay, bye...and tell Tommy…I love him" she said and I smiled...i had heard what she said, she was probably so scared.
"I love you to baby, Happy birthday…it's 12:05, there's cake on the island with the candle light just for you" I said happily and proud of myself.
"Thank you" she…cried? I hope I didn't do anything wrong. I always do something wrong, even though I try to make it better, with Jude.
"You're welcome… Jude why are you crying? I love you" I said softly hoping no praying she would tell me the truth instead of dismissing it.
"Because…I…love….you….and….you....still….love….me….even…though…I….could….be…pregnant….even…though…you…don't…want….it" she cried trying to get it out and I couldn't help but be furious.
"Who said I don't want it? Who said I don't want this Jude?" how could she think that I wanted it.
Okay maybe at first when the old lady said stuff about kids I freaked out and thought it was crazy. I mean with any other girl to tell you the truth I would be paying child support so I could at least see my kid and I would have still married Jude. But knowing Jude is having my child is something only gods could have done.
She continued to cry I couldn't say any thing because I didn't no what to say. She must still doubt every thing I had said and I couldn't help but be pissed at myself maybe I should just break it off with Sadie. If she's pregnant it will end up worse and I couldn't stand to loose my child and Jude all together over her pop tart princess sister.
I sighed and cut heard the engine shut off. Kat jumped out and hurried into the store I had to make sure Jude knew my intentions no matter if I had a kid or not. Now that I think about it more I want this kid and I want Jude and only Jude to have it.
"I'm going to marry you and you're going to have three more kids of mine. I'm going to buy a huge house with a studio in the basement and you're going to put out six more albums. We're going to have the best family in the world and nothing can change that okay?"
I couldn't believe what I was saying but I damn sure am going to make it happen.
"Okay" she whispered. I could only hoe she heard the sincerity in my voice.
"Well be home in a little while okay?" I said as Kat pushed two home pregnancy test into my lap and I turned back on the engine.
"Okay" she said with a shaky voice and I chuckled as she shut her phone. She must have believed me she had to….Right?
I grabbed my phone and dialed Sadie's number; it was time to end this joke of a cover up girl friend.
"Sadie?" I asked into the phone after she answered on the first ring I sighed just get it over with I told myself. Kat looked at me with huge eye's.
