Remus couldn't concentrate. Sitting at his desk in his office at Hogwarts, he gave up going through his post and rested his head in his hands, unable to believe the situation he found himself in.
He did not look forward to meeting with Hermione tonight to prepare for the next session of Defense Club. It would be even worse than facing her in class yesterday. Because he would be alone with her this evening and he would have no choice but to deal with this problem, with these feelings he had for her, head on. Because he could no longer deny to himself that he did indeed have feelings for her.
Over the last few days of Christmas break he had done his best to delude himself into believing that perhaps he had just overreacted to his reaction to seeing Hermione kiss George, and perhaps he'd just read too much into the dream he'd had that same night of Hermione kissing him instead. He'd nearly succeeded in convincing himself that when he saw Hermione again he would probably find what he feared wasn't really true. But he knew when he'd nearly run into her in the Great Hall Monday morning at breakfast that it undoubtedly was. He'd taken one look at her and had practically run off to the staff table to avoid her.
Remus rubbed his temples, trying to ease some of his tension. How could he have not realized he had these feelings for her sooner? Maybe if he would have recognized this little problem earlier, he could have simply nipped those feelings in the bud. He'd gone all his life doing just that, pulling away from anyone he feared he could fall for, never letting himself get too close. How could he have let this happen with Hermione?
He couldn't figure out exactly when these feelings had first developed. He'd always admired Hermione for her intelligence and courage and compassionate nature, but he'd never looked at her in that way before. But the problem was he'd been spending too much time with her these last few months and, without meaning to, something had shifted in the way he saw her. He supposed it wasn't so surprising really that he could be attracted to her considering she was a brilliant and beautiful girl.
Remus continued massaging his temples as a memory of a conversation he'd once had with Dumbledore suddenly sprang to mind…
"I'll be bringing Harry here Saturday morning," the headmaster told Remus as they talked in the kitchen at the Burrow, the new headquarters for the Order of the Phoenix. "Have you written him? How is he coping?"
"He seems to be handling things as well as could be expected under the circumstances," Remus replied a bit heavily. "He has the Weasleys, of course, but Sirius was the closest thing to his own real family he had left, an irreplaceable link to his parents. Now that's he's gone…"
"He still has you, Remus. I daresay he is much fonder of you than you realize. It would do you both good to lean on each other during these difficult times. The loss of Sirius must be equally, if not more, devastating for you."
Remus looked away from Dumbledore's penetrating gaze. "I've learned to deal with loss over the years, but Harry… It isn't fair how much he's had to suffer and at such a young age. He's had to grow up too quickly."
"It is unjust what he has had to live through, yes. However, he will become a stronger and better man for it — much to Voldemort's detriment."
Movement outside the window caught their attention. Three figures had passed through the gate and were walking across the yard toward the house. Arthur Weasley and his son, Ron, were carrying a trunk between them, and beside the pair, carrying a small bag and sweeping her plait of brown hair back over her shoulder, was Hermione Granger. It appeared she'd be spending the rest of the summer holidays here at the Burrow.
"Speaking of growing up," said Dumbledore casually, "Miss Granger certainly has. She's become quite a beautiful young woman, hasn't she?"
Remus turned his gaze away from the window, frowning slightly. Though it was admittedly true what Dumbledore said about Hermione, he thought it a rather odd remark for the headmaster to make. He wasn't sure how to respond. Fortunately, Dumbledore didn't seem to expect an answer. He simply smiled at Remus before moving to the door to open up for Arthur, Ron, and Hermione…
Hermione was an even more beautiful young woman now. But the operative and condemning word in that admission was 'young.' She had been two months shy of her seventeenth birthday and coming of age in that memory with Dumbledore, and she wasn't much older now. She was still a teenager for goodness' sake.
Remus began to pace around his office. How could he have possibly let this happen? How could he have allowed himself to develop feelings for Hermione of all people? She was best friends and classmates with Harry, the son of his own best friend and classmate, which was unforgivably telling of the significant age difference between them. Apart from that, she was his student. Tomorrow she would be sitting in the front row of his class again, listening attentively to his lecture, and he would be calling on her whenever she raised her hand, pretending his feelings for her didn't exist.
Because that was what he had to do. He had to find a way to forget these feelings existed, or, better yet, find a way to get rid of them because they were completely inappropriate and utterly reprehensible, and if Hermione knew about them she'd likely be disgusted.
Remus paused by his desk and snatched up one of his unopened letters, trying not to remember the feelings that had stirred within him when her warm brown eyes had gazed at him so intently after they'd exchanged gifts Christmas Eve. He seized his letter opener, trying not to think how those eyes would never look at him in the same way they looked at George—
"Damn," he muttered, a sharp pain in his hand. He'd used too much force in his frustration and had somehow cut himself with the letter opener. Blood dripped from his palm, and the pale envelope from Hugh Hawthorne — the old friend he'd recently reacquainted with after they'd run into each other at the Weasley twins' joke shop — stained with crimson.
After dinner, Hermione and Ginny joined the crowd of students in the entrance hall buzzing with excitement over the announcement that had just been posted on the bulletin board. Hogwarts would be holding a school dance Valentine's Day weekend. Besides the Yule Ball a few years ago, there hadn't been any dances at Hogwarts in ages so it was no surprise everyone was ecstatic.
"I wonder if I'll be able to invite Harry as my date," Ginny mused and continued to read the notice, Hermione at her shoulder. "Yes! It says here we're allowed to invite guests who don't attend Hogwarts so long as they are under twenty-one years of age and are approved by our Head of House. Great! Lupin will definitely approve of Harry!"
Hermione had no doubt about that, but she couldn't share in Ginny's excitement over the dance. Unlike her, Hermione didn't have a ready date and she didn't look forward to trying to find one. Perhaps she'd go alone.
On her way to Remus's office for their meeting, she couldn't help but remember the last dance she'd been to, the Halloween one in the past. The teenage Remus had asked her to dance, and she'd nervously said yes. Then he'd taken her by the hand for the first time, but almost as soon as they'd gone onto the dance floor, Dumbledore had abruptly put an end to the night's festivities.
She wished they could have another chance to dance together, to make up for that night. She knew, though, it would be impossible during the upcoming Valentine's Day celebration. Remus was her teacher now and she was his student and it would not be proper nor permitted.
Hermione knocked on his door, her usually delighted mood going into these meetings with him a bit dampened this evening by her disappointment over the dance. When she stepped into his office, however, and saw Remus standing by his desk, cradling his bleeding hand, all thoughts of the dance flew from her mind.
She rushed toward him in concern. "Remus — what happened?"
"It's nothing. Just a cut," he said, pulling out his wand to mend the gash on his palm.
"Here, let me," she offered.
Before he could protest she carefully took his injured hand into her own. With her wand she traced the slash on his palm, muttering a melodious incantation as she did so. The bleeding stopped at once. She repeated the process, more slowly this time, and her magic knitted the wound right before their eyes. She used Remus's handkerchief to gently wipe away the residual blood.
"There," she said softly, lightly tracing with her fingers now where the cut had been. The wound had healed so completely not even a scar remained.
"Thank you, Hermione."
"No problem," she said, still stroking his palm. His hands felt warm and strong and a little more callused than the last time she'd held them — back when he was a teenager, that night in the boys' dormitory. She'd liked the way that slight roughness had felt against her skin that night as he'd caressed her… A pleasant shiver ran through her at the memory.
"I thought it might not work so well, the spell," she said to distract herself. She looked up at Remus. He was staring down at their touching hands, a faint crease between his brows. Then he raised his gaze to hers. Only then as she looked into his green-gray eyes did Hermione realize how close they standing. She found it hard to hold his gaze at this distance. The room suddenly felt too warm though there was no fire in the fireplace, only the heat of their proximity and the memories of that night...
"I thought it might be a cursed wound you'd gotten during the full moon a few nights ago, one that wouldn't heal properly," she continued, hurrying to distract herself again. "I thought it might leave a scar like the ones on your chest."
She felt Remus tense and realized too little too late that she should not have said what she'd just said.
"How do you know about those scars?" he asked warily, withdrawing his hand from hers.
"Oh — I — I just assumed." Her voice was a higher pitch than normal. She tried to keep it under control as she thought fast and said, "You told us in third year that you would attack yourself if you were locked up away from people during the full moon. I just assumed you — you'd claw at your chest and leave scars. I think I've read somewhere that werewolves do that."
Hermione was sure he could see the guilt in her eyes — how could she have slipped up like that? — but fortune seemed to be on her side this evening because somebody knocked on the door before any more could be said. She turned away, breathing a grateful sigh of relief, as Remus stepped to the door and opened up.
An unfamiliar woman's voice greeted him.
"Vivienne," Remus said in surprise. "What are you doing here?"
"Making a personal delivery. I thought you might like a taste of my goodies."
Aghast at the obvious suggestiveness in the woman's tone, Hermione whipped back around. A very attractive blonde was smiling coyly at Remus from the doorway.
"Er, Vivienne," Remus said, stepping back from the door, "I'm speaking with a student."
Vivienne caught sight of Hermione. "Oops — sorry!" she said, giving a little laugh, not of embarrassment so much as amusement.
"Vivienne works at Honeydukes," Remus quickly explained to Hermione without meeting her eyes. "She was referring to chocolates of course."
"Of course," Hermione said faintly, looking between him and Vivienne with a horrible feeling in her stomach.
"Yes, chocolates," said Vivienne, holding up a nicely packaged basket so Hermione could see. "Like I was saying, my auntie sent me over to personally deliver her annual holiday gift basket of Honeydukes goodies to the headmistress — we're a little late this year. I thought I'd bring a basket for Professor Lupin here as well." She placed the chocolates on his desk and gave Remus a wink. "I'll wait outside until you're finished, shall I?"
Hermione stared numbly after Vivienne as she departed from the room, leaving an awkward silence in her wake.
"I'm sorry about that, Hermione," Remus said after a moment, and she slowly returned her gaze to him.
"Is she your girlfriend?" she asked, though she feared the answer.
"Er, no, she's just… a friend."
"Right."
"If you don't mind, Hermione… I think it'll be better if we meet tomorrow instead."
She stared at him, noting his discomfort. Or was it anticipation? He wanted her to leave. He wanted her to go so he could be alone with that woman…
"Sure," she agreed hollowly. "That's fine. Perfect."
What else could she say? With one last look at Remus, she reluctantly left his office.
Out in the corridor, Vivienne smiled at her and said, "Cute uniform. Much more stylish than the one I had to wear as a kid."
Hermione felt a strong rush of dislike toward the woman at these words — she was not a kid as the witch implied — and the feeling only intensified as she watched Vivienne disappear into Remus's office, the door swinging shut behind her.
Hermione blindly made her way through the corridors. She wasn't sure whether she wanted to crawl into bed and cry, or march back to Remus's office and claw that woman's flirty eyes out. Maybe both.
"Scowling sure suits you, Hermione."
Shaken from her bitter thoughts and imaginings, Hermione looked around to see that Vivienne wasn't the only visitor at Hogwarts.
"If you're going for the fierce runway model look," George said, "you've almost got it down pat. You just need a little more pout."
"What are you doing here?"
"Fred and I came to visit McGonagall. You see, we felt a bit bad about what we did a while back, sneaking into the castle and putting up those posters for our joke shop when most of our products are banned here. So, in the spirit of the new year, we decided to apologize and make it up to McGonagall by sneaking into the castle and giving her some of those banned products for free."
Hermione could only imagine how the stern ex-Transfiguration teacher would respond. "And how did she react to that?"
"Like you just did, actually. She involuntarily cracked a smile. Because McGonagall secretly loves us. As much as we infuriate her, we brighten up her day and she can't get enough of us. You know the feeling. That's why I say yes."
"Yes to what?"
"Your invitation to the Valentine's Day dance. I agree to be your escort. But we'd go only as friends, of course. I know you're in love with Remus."
Hermione's heart skipped a beat. "You — what?"
"I know, Hermione," he said, lowering his voice so they wouldn't be overheard by the students passing by. "About you and Remus. I sort of heard you telling Harry on Christmas Eve."
Hermione gaped at him for a moment, then grabbed George by the arm and pushed him into the nearest empty classroom. After closing the door behind them, she rounded on the Weasley twin.
"You eavesdropped on us?"
"Well… yeah," he admitted, looking a bit ashamed under her glare.
"And exactly how much did you hear?"
"Just about everything. I didn't mean to, but I couldn't tear my Extendable Ear away. It was riveting stuff: the rose and time travel, you and Remus…"
Hermione felt her stomach sink again. There was no her and Remus in this time, not really. And now that Vivienne was in the picture… She didn't want to think about that, about them.
"Out of curiosity, how would a relationship between you and Remus work now?" George asked. "I mean, he's a teacher and dating a student has to be against the code of conduct for a Hogwarts professor."
"I suppose we would have to wait until after I graduate before anything could happen between us." Her frustration was thinly veiled when she added, "That is, if Remus ever wanted anything to happen between us."
George studied her face, his own expression hard to read. "I can help you with him, you know."
"And why would you want to do that?" she asked suspiciously. "I mean… Well…"
"Did Ginny tell you that I fancied you?"
"Um, yes, she may have mentioned something like that."
"It's true," George admitted, looking her steadily in the eye.
"Oh. So — so then why—?"
He smiled at her self-consciousness. "It's just a crush, Hermione. Don't think I've been pining for you or anything like that. I thought maybe we could give it a go if you were interested, but since you're not, I want to help. I like Remus. He's a Marauder and a bit of an inspiration to Fred and me."
"And how would you help me with him?"
"Well, from what I so rudely overheard Ginny say, he really didn't like seeing us kiss. So I think if he sees us together at the dance, maybe we can get a reaction out of him. That is, of course, if he hasn't already come around by then."
"So you think I should try to make him jealous?"
"You'd be surprised how effective that strategy can be sometimes, how some guys will react when they see the girl they have their eye on is being pursued by somebody else."
Hermione was reminded of the conversation she'd overheard Remus and Sirius having about her in the past. Sirius had confessed to Remus that he flirted with her only to get a reaction out of him, hoping to pressure Remus into making a move on her before he did. His plan had sort of worked. Remus had asked her out soon after that.
"For example," George continued, "you should have seen Fred when we ran into the woman who works at Honeydukes—"
"Vivienne?"
"Yeah. Fred's got a thing for Vivienne, her being a hot older woman and all, but she's not falling for his charms for some reason. When we ran into her earlier outside McGonagall's office, she said she was here to see 'a real man' and Fred — well, he didn't like that one bit. I wonder who she came to see. He has to be a teacher, right?"
"Remus," she told him quietly. "She came here to see Remus."
"Oh," George said, raising his eyebrows. "So they're involved?"
"He said they were only friends, but… I don't know. She seemed very interested in him."
"Wow, Remus truly is my inspiration. You and Vivienne…" He shook his head incredulously. "Anyway, what do you say, Hermione? Shall I buff my dancing shoes for Valentine's Day?"
"That's not for a while yet," she said slowly, considering his offer. "But I suppose… Yes, I suppose you should." George's eyes lit up and she quickly added, "We'll go only as friends, though, like you said."
George grinned. "Whatever you say."
Remus was grateful for Vivienne's interruption, grateful for the distraction she provided, though she didn't stay for long. They talked for a short while in his office before he walked her out of the castle and to the gate, and he had nearly gone the whole time without his mind wandering to a certain brunette. But when Vivienne's lips met his as they said goodbye, all he could think of was Hermione and the way she'd kissed him in his dream…
"We should get together again soon," Vivienne said as she pulled away from their kiss. She gave him a sensual smile and Remus attempted to shake Hermione from his thoughts. He needed to focus on the gorgeous woman standing before him.
He'd be too busy this weekend, but he said, "How about next Saturday?"
"Hmm… I think that'll be a bit too soon. How about I let you know when?"
And with that she turned and started along the path to Hogsmeade, leaving him to wonder what exactly it was too soon for. What did she have in mind? Or was she simply turning the tables on him and making him do the waiting and chasing? He didn't know and found that he didn't care much either in this moment.
As he walked back to the castle, he tried to convince himself it was good for him to go out with Vivienne, to get Hermione out of his mind and also because he knew most men would consider themselves lucky to be in his position. Vivienne was the kind of woman most men fancied, and she had set her sights on him. For some reason he didn't quite understand she was interested in him, and that, he realized with sinking spirits, was something Hermione would never be.
A/N: Loved reading your reactions to the last chapter. I never knew being "evil" and "cruel" and "horrid" could be so much fun :P
