Disclaimer: I do not own Law and Order: SVU

A/N: Thank you all for your support with the last chapter. I know it was a difficult read. Now begins the healing process.

Thank you especially to everyone who has reviewed: akalittlered2, trace619, silentdaughter, carmdian, Iggy, and peterpeter

Chapter 29

After Fiona departed the room, Alex was left deep in thought, trying to collect herself. Her emotions were a complete blur – the physical pain she was starting to feel was nothing in comparison to the psychic pain. Never before had she been this devastated.

She had lashed out on Olivia. There was a part of Alex that wished she could displace the blame – even on to someone she loved more deeply than she could have ever imagined – so she wouldn't have to confront the fact that her actions led to her son's death. She didn't resent Olivia – she resented herself. She wished she could go back in time – wished she could see that specialist Olivia had called, monitored her food better, not overworked herself. But she couldn't. And that fact settled over her with a hallow emptiness.

A soft knock beckoned her attention. Expecting to see Fiona once more or another nurse, Alex was surprised to find her Uncle Bill in the doorway. The older man walked softly over to Alex's bedside, taking a seat next to the blonde.

"Uncle Bill," Alex started, coming out of her shock, "What are you – "

"Your godmother called. Liz said that you told her not to come – "

"I wasn't up for visitors," Alex began apologetically.

"You don't need to apologize, Alexandra. Liz understands. But she also figured that you needed some sort of family here. And well, I'm stubborn. That's the Harriman way," he explained, earning a small smile from the blonde. The two were quiet for a moment, and Alex furrowed her brow when her uncle suddenly lowered his head in shame. "Alexandra, your Aunt Evelyn and I owe you and Olivia the deepest apology. Although it was a bit of a shock – well, maybe it shouldn't have been… Regardless, your aunt and I have never had any problem about who you were. And we should have defended you at Amelia's party. It was cowardly not to." He looked up at her, and Alex swore she could see the glimmer of a tear in the normally stoic judge's eye. "Alex, can you forgive me?"

The younger woman's mouth gaped slightly. "Ye- yes, of course, Uncle Bill."

Judge Harriman exhaled heavily in relief, leaning over and given Alex a kiss on the head. Having reconciled with his niece, with slight discomfort he moved to acknowledge the still child in Alex's arms.

"Is this…"

Alex stiffened and nodded, not daring to make eye contact because she knew she would fall apart once more. "The nurses say that they have to take him soon."

"Alexandra," the man began, his tone bearing the sympathy of a family member and the wisdom of a judge, "I cannot even imagine the pain that you and Olivia are going through right now. And I know there are probably reasons she's not here right now that you'd rather not discuss. But for what it's worth, she needs to be here when you say goodbye to your son. And you need her here too."

Tears beginning to pool in her eyes, Alex nodded rapidly, knowing he was right.

Judge Harriman nodded soberly, walking towards the door. He hesitated before leaving, however, and ultimately resolve to turn back around. "Alex, I regret that your mother didn't have the chance to see the family you've created. My sister, well, she was stuck in her times, but you need to know, Alexandra – and I say this because it is the truth – that she would have been incredible proud of the woman, and the wife and mother, you've become.

~*~*~*Page Break*~*~*~ ~*~*~*Page Break*~*~*~ ~*~*~*Page Break*~*~*~

Olivia stood outside the suite door, trying to prepare herself. After a little over an hour at the Stabler's house, her cell had rung and she heard Alex's raspy voice asking her to please come back. Elliot had driven her, sirens on to expedite the trip.

Now her she was outside of Alex's room. Just standing.

Sighing heavily to release the tension that had built in her chest, the detective finally opened the door and walked in. For a moment, the two women just looked at each other solemnly, nervously, exhaustedly. A moment later, both were consumed by tears.

No longer caring about the awkwardness, the pain she had felt from Alex's words, the guilt she was feeling herself, Olivia moved to her wife's bedside and pulled her into her arms. As they cried, the two women expressed to one another what perhaps words could not say, each letting each and every last emotion flow into the hospital's stale air. Some time after, when the pace of their breathing had both shallowed, they pulled away, never letting go of each other's hands.

"Olivia," Alex choked, "I know you can never forgive me for what I said to you. But I know this wasn't your fault. That you couldn't have stopped it."

Olivia nodded sadly. Looking up from their entwined hands to her wife's face, she rejoined, "It wasn't your fault either, Alexandra." Alex closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. "I promise you," the brunette added, caressing her knuckles alongside Alex's jaw.

Alex nodded solemnly. "I want to know why it happened," she rasped out.

"Me too."

Alex choked out a sob. "I want him back."

"Me too, Alex, me too," Olivia said, tears pooling in her eyes. "Can I – can I hold him?"

Alex carefully laid their small newborn in her wife's arms, pulling her gently back against the pillows so they were lying next to each other, the blonde resting against Olivia's chest.

"I love you so much, Alex," Olivia avowed, her eyes never leaving their son's face – a face, which she noticed for the first time, already bore Alex's nose. "Nothing will ever change that."

"I love you too, Liv," the blonde said as they continued to spend their final moments with their son. "We're going to get through this."

Olivia nodded. "We will."

The women continued to hold each other and their son until the nurse came, fluctuating from crying to smiling at memories to simply just breathing. Knowing they would never have closure, but that they had each other and their daughter, the couple said a tear-filled goodnight to Maxwell Alexander Cabot-Benson.