Song: Hurricane - Theory of a Deadman

I really wanted to give you guys some insight as to how Misaki is taking Akihiko's sudden disappearance, so I wrote this chapter in his point of view! In the next chapter, there will be a bit of time skip and it will be back to Akihiko's point of view, as will the rest of the chapters. There aren't many more left, can you believe that?! Anyways, enjoy Misaki's side of the story!


Chapter 29: Hurricane (Bonus Misaki POV Chapter!)

Why the hell do I run into all these weird situations?! This is all Usagi-san's fault! All these weird things started happening after I moved in with him! First, I got all these weird feelings; then he started coming onto me; then he somehow decided we were lovers; then I felt even more weird feelings; then I got roped into his work life; now I keep running into these weird members of his family!

Not only are Usagi-ani and Usagi-chichi super weird, but Usagi-ani keeps telling me that he loves me! He doesn't even know me! He even went so far as to kidnap me!

Okay, but that was partly my fault… But I only went to see Usagi-san's childhood home, which turned out to be a giant mansion! It's not my fault that I got curious. Usagi-san doesn't talk much about his past, which for some reason makes me just a little insecure. Since he's best friends with my brother, he knows everything about me since I was little. I mean, if we're supposed to be lovers, shouldn't we know everything about each other?

"AHHH! I don't really mean that!" I cried out loud as I ran faster down the street.

It's just that my head's going a little crazy right now after running into Usagi-ani for the millionth time and Usagi-chichi for the first time. There must be some kind of pheromone that my body is emitting that attracts the Usami family… an Usa-mone! But so far, it only seems to work on men…

Nii-chan, why me? What's up with all this? Everything is so weird! Stupid Usagi… This is all his fault!

No… Usagi-san had nothing to do with whatever is happening with his family. He may be responsible, at least somewhat, for those other things, but he doesn't control what Usagi-ani and Usagi-chichi do.

As I continued walking home and thinking about Usagi-san, I kept replaying what he said to me this morning over and over in my head. I didn't understand why he would say that. It wasn't like him at all to say that, or even think that. I thought that he loved me and liked having me around… I was so confused because just the other day he said that he would lock me away if I ever tried to leave him.

Oh yeah… He was being really weird the other day too – after what happened with Sumi-senpai. He kept yelling that he loved me over and over again. And then he didn't say anything when we had sex. I didn't understand what he was so worried about. He never did tell me. He never tells me anything!

Why won't Usagi-san tell it to me straight? I wish he'd come out and tell me… I mean, what does he want me to do?

That's it! As soon as I get home, I have to be up front with him and demand to know what's going on with him. If it's something I've done, then I can fix it! I don't want to be troublesome for Usagi-san. I just want to help him. Maybe I should tell him that I ran into Usagi-chichi as well. Or maybe not since that will just create more trouble for him…

"No matter what thoughts you have in your heart, they mean nothing if they don't get across to the other person." Those words that Usagi-chichi said to me keep running through my mind as well. It reminds me of how often Usagi-san tells me that he loves me every day.

Wait… It's been a while since I've heard him say that. Does he not like me anymore? I mean, he used to say it at every turn! It was so embarrassing! But now that he's suddenly stopped saying stuff like that, I feel uneasy somehow… Why did he suddenly stop saying it? Have I done something to bother him or does he really not like me now?

Suddenly, several memories poured into my mind, making me stop dead in my tracks. First, there was that day just before the whole situation with Sumi-senpai. Usagi-san told me that he loved me and I started going on about kimchi hot pot for dinner, completely ignoring what he said. Then there was the time at the hotel when Usagi-san said I hadn't told him that I loved him. I had forgotten how much he seemed bothered by that…

Could it be that Usagi-san is acting so weird because I haven't told him that I love him?

No, I've told him before! Even though it was followed by the words "I think" but that shouldn't matter right?! I still said it! It's not like I should have to say it constantly like he does… or used to.

"No matter what thoughts you have in your heart, they mean nothing if they don't get across to the other person."

Does he not understand my feelings clearly? Even Sumi-senpai said something along those lines too – that I wasn't clear on where I stood. Is Usagi-san feeling insecure because I don't respond properly whenever he says stuff like that?

More importantly, when you get right down to it, how exactly do I feel anyway? Seeing Usagi-san get together with someone else… No, I might not like that. If someone were to take him from me… No, I might not like that either. The fact that I feel this way about these things… Does that mean that I… love him?

I felt my face heating up at my crazy thoughts. There was no doubt about it that I felt something for Usagi-san, but was it really lovey-dovey? Had I really fallen in love with him? The fact that I'm worried about him and about these things… Don't I already have my answer?

At that moment, I stomped my feet on the sidewalk like a child throwing a tantrum. I balled my hands into fists and repeatedly hit my head. "What the hell happened to the normal boy my parents raised me to be?!"

I huffed and looked around. Luckily, there was no one around to see me acting like a child. I couldn't help it! Before I met Usagi-san, I was a normal teenage boy. Now I have these feelings for an older man with some sort of god-complex. Not to mention, he's a man! However, none of that is completely his fault. Sometimes… these things just happen, right? All I can do now is accept it.

I sighed and continued walking home. It was at that moment that I decided I would tell Usagi-san how I feel. Then maybe things can go back to normal. I just need to go up to him and tell it like it is! I have to be a man and stick it to him! He won't know what hit him! He'll be so surprised, in a good way!

I finally reached the penthouse and noticed that it was completely dark from the outside. Did Usagi-san go to sleep already? That was odd… He normally was up pretty late every night, no matter how early he got up in the morning. Besides, he normally waited for me to come home so he could jump me. Maybe he wasn't feeling well. Maybe he was working on his writing in his office. Sometimes he had a bad headache and turned out the lights and dimmed his computer screen to write.

I rode the elevator up and unlocked the door, immediately turning on the lights when I walked inside. I didn't want to bother him yet, so I went to the fridge to get a quick snack. As I moved a few things around, I noticed that the lunch I prepared for Usagi-san was still in there and it didn't look like it had been touched. That worried me because he was known to skip meals when he was under pressure to meet a big deadline. I was pretty sure that he had a deadline coming up. Maybe he just went out for lunch today? Still, I knew that I better check and make sure, especially if he was sick.

I quietly walked up the stairs and down the hall to his office, knocking lightly on the door. "Usagi-san?" I called inside.

He didn't answer, so I creaked the door open just slightly. The room was dark, but I could see that he wasn't in there. I quietly closed the door and moved down the hall to his room, once again lightly knocking and calling for him. When he didn't answer again, I slowly opened the door to peer inside.

The room was… empty.

My heart dropped. Surely I was seeing things! I opened the door further and reached for the light switch. When light flooded the room, I could clearly see that the room was completely empty, except for the bed. All of his toys were gone; all of the blankets on the bed were gone; all of the pillows were gone. And where was Usagi-san?

My heart was racing as I went to his closet and opened it. It was completely empty as well. None of his fancy suits were there. I rushed back to the office and turned on the light, gasping in shock. It was empty too! His computer and all of his books were gone! My blood ran cold and it was becoming hard to breathe.

I ran out of that room and started opening all of the doors. To my horror, each one of them were empty, except for my room. His train set was gone; his stupid moss balls were gone; his replica of the Great Wall of China was gone; his huge collection was bears was gone. It was like he packed up all of his stuff and left…

No… He can't be gone! He's obviously just doing some major cleaning or redecorating! But… that doesn't sound like him at all. But he can't be gone! I mean, Suzuki-san was downstairs on the couch. That's his favorite – his most prized possession.

I stood at the top of the stairway and nervously laughed out loud. "Alright, Usagi-san! You got me! Funny trick! Haha! You can come out now! You win! You got me!"

My shouts were met with nothing but silence. I was getting really worried. My chest felt like it was being squeezed extremely tight and I couldn't breathe. I was thinking the absolute worst: Usagi-san left me. He's gone. This isn't right… He loves me! I was just about to fix things! Why?

I rushed downstairs, determined to figure out what was going on. I wasn't going to accept the idea that he left me just yet. Suzuki-san was right there on the couch. Usagi-san wouldn't leave without his favorite bear! That man-child couldn't survive without that one stuffed bear.

I searched every possible room downstairs. All of his personal belongings were gone, except for Suzuki-san. All of the essential living necessities were still in the house. He had to just be reorganizing things! Maybe someone else was helping him do it. But if that's the case, then where is he?

Trying to keep myself calm, I ran to the phone and dialed his cell phone number. It didn't even ring. It went straight to that automated message that says the phone is no longer is working order. My heart was pounding in my chest. It felt like it was being ripped apart.

Usagi-san… He really did leave me…

My eyes were burning with the tears that were welling up inside of them. I was trying to think of excuses as to what happened, but no scenario I could think of involved him changing his phone number, taking all of his belongings out of the house, and not being there in the house. The only possible explanation that fit was that he left me…

But why? Usagi-san… I thought he loved me. He hadn't said those words to me in a while, but that didn't mean he didn't have those feelings anymore. Deep down, I knew that he did still love me. There had to be something else in his mind that kept him from expressing his feelings to me.

"Why don't you try living on your own for a while?"

No… He had said that this morning, but I never imagined that he was eluding to leaving me, at least not like this. This was all so unexpected and heartbreaking… just like my parents' death.

I felt my heart snap in half and I crumpled to my knees on the floor, dropping the phone that I still held in my hand. A quiet sob escaped me as tears began to flow down my cheeks. I reached up to cover my mouth so I couldn't hear the sound of my crying. Crying was a sign of weakness.

However… I am weak. From the very beginning, I was too blind and stupid to see that I had feelings for Usagi-san. I was too afraid of rejection from my brother to tell him what was really going on between his best friend and me. I was too dense to stay away from Usagi-ani and properly reject him. And when Usagi-san was feeling insecure about my feelings for him, I couldn't properly express them. I couldn't even figure out that that's what was on his mind.

All of these weakness were just a burden on him… I was troublesome to him. All of those things drove him away from me.

My hand covering my mouth wasn't enough to silence the sobs that wrecked my entire body. My chest was caving in and my lungs started to burn from all the crying. All of my limbs were shaking violently and my knees eventually gave out. I laid on my side on the floor and poured my heart out.

My tears finally stopped falling, but I kept sobbing and wailing for a long time. My eyes and lungs felt like they were on fire, but I couldn't stop. It wasn't as bad as the pain in my heart, knowing that I had been left once again. The rest of my body felt weightless. All I could feel was the pain the sadness.

The sobs eventually stopped as well and my breathing began to even out. My thoughts were still all messed up, but my mind was starting to empty out. I felt weak as I pushed myself back up to my knees. It was dark outside, so I must have been crying for a couple hours. I wiped the tears from my face with the sleeve of my sweater. I still had so many unanswered questions, but for now, I just wanted to sleep.

It took all of my energy just to crawl over to the couch. I somehow managed to pull myself up onto it and lay down flat on my stomach. A faint familiar smell tickled my nostrils: shampoo, body soap, cigarettes… Usagi-san. I lightly glanced up to see Suzuki-san. It must still have his smell on it. Even though I was still confused as to why his most valued stuffed animal was left behind, I was suddenly glad since it still smelled like him.

I inched myself closer to the bear, the scent becoming more powerful as I went. When I finally reached the bear, I pressed my face into its arm and inhaled deeply. A strange comforting sensation filled my body. My mind became filled with nothing but Usagi-san, making my heart hurt even more.

I wrapped my arm around the bear to pull it closer, when I felt something on its ribbon. I looked up to see the envelope and a rush of adrenaline hit me. I jumped up and pulled the envelope off the bear, ripping into it. There was a piece of paper and several thousand yen inside. My eyes widened at the paper. It was a note! He left a note! This will explain everything! I dropped the money and envelope and unfolded the paper. I was filled with apprehension, but I just needed some sort of closure or reassurance.

Dear Misaki,

I'm not sure where to begin. I'm sure you have many questions as to why I am gone. The truth is that I cannot think of a good explanation. I'm a writer. That's all I've ever been and all I'll ever do. Writing and stringing together words are the only things I'm good at. However, in this circumstance, there are no words I can say to you.

I guess I'll start by apologizing for leaving you like this. It's not the ideal situation I wanted to leave you in. However, I am a coward and I believed that this would be the best thing to do for your sake.

You see, I realized that it would be best if you weren't involved with me and we stayed away from each other. I don't want to hurt you anymore. In everything that I've dealt with, I've lived believing that it's better for me to grin and bear it, rather than see my relationships fall apart. In fact, I believed I'd been handing things well, and I thought things were fine that way. But ever since I met you, I've grown less able to cope that way.

I think it's a definite possibility that you'll continue to have more contact with my family. My family knows a side of me that you don't know. If you were to find out about that side, I can't help but think that you might want to distance yourself from me. I would do anything to prevent that from happening.

I feel insecure. Part of me doesn't want to control you, and part of me want to lock you away. The one thing I don't want to do is hurt you anymore, but it doesn't work that way in reality. If you're going to distance yourself and leave me, I would rather create that distance now. What I've become most afraid of is losing you for good.

I don't want you to hate me, but part of me believes that you already do. Your friend was right: I did force you into this relationship from the start. Immediately after we started living together, I forced myself on you. Even after that you stayed with me and put up with it. I realize now that you really don't have the same feelings for me that I have for you.

Assuming the only reason you stayed was because you didn't want to cause trouble for your brother, I'm leaving the condo to you. I'll pay the rent and the utilities every month. I'll send you money every week in an unmarked envelope for food and other living expenses. To start with, there's a few thousand yen along with this letter. I've also left you Suzuki-san, in hopes of giving you some comfort after what I've done to you. Now you can focus on what's really important: working, finishing school, getting a good job, and finding a girlfriend.

You'll never have any contact with me ever again. I'm moving away and changing my phone number. I've instructed Aikawa-san and Isaka-san to never bother you or give my personal information to you. Not even your brother will know how to contact me. I'm cutting myself out of your life for good. You'll never have to put up with me ever again.

Misaki. I'm sorry. I love you.

Akihiko

By the time I reached the end of the letter, I was crying again. There were still so many things left unanswered, but one thing was for certain: it was all my fault. Usagi-san was feeling insecure because he didn't know how I really felt about him. If only I had just told him that I loved him a long time ago.

But I guess I wasn't entirely to blame. If he would have just told me from the beginning that he felt anxious, then this whole thing could have been avoided and he would still be here, right by my side.

Usagi-san… You're wrong. I do feel the same about you. I don't want to be apart from you. I certainly don't want a girlfriend. You never once forced me. Sumi-senpai was wrong. Please… don't leave me like this.

I felt so empty and hollow inside as I continued sobbing. This was the absolute worst thing that could ever happen to someone: to lose the person they care about the most. It's selfish… to say that I care about him more than my parents or Nii-chan… but I think I do. I already know that I can live without them, but I don't think I can live without Usagi-san.

When my tears dried up and my chest hurt from not being able to breathe, I closed my eyes and focused on him. I understood why he was feeling that way. I wasn't the most responding partner ever, but that didn't mean that I didn't love him or that I was forced into the relationship. All of this could have been avoided if we both just knew how to properly communicate.

I looked around at the empty house, still not believing that everything was cleaned out and Usagi-san was gone. It suddenly felt too empty and lonely. I couldn't stay here. There were too many good memories here. If I stayed, I'd only think about him all of the time.

Reluctantly, I got off the couch and made my way to the phone, shakily dialing Nii-chan's number. Usagi-san was right about one thing: I didn't want to cause trouble for my brother. However, he had kept saying he wanted me to experience a normal family life and live with them. I'm almost certain that he'll take me in. I'll just have to come up with a good excuse.

"Oh, Usagi?" Nii-chan answered, making me gasp. "It's a little late, isn't it? Is something wrong with Misaki?"

"I-It's me, Nii-chan," I stuttered.

"Oh, Misaki! Is everything okay?"

"Y-Yeah. Everything is f-fine." I could feel my voice shaking.

"Is that so? Why the random phone call then?"

"N-No reason. Just wanted to t-talk."

He paused for a minute. "Misaki, what's the matter? I know something is bothering you." I kept my mouth shut. If I opened my mouth, a sob would come out. "Please don't keep it to yourself. You worry me when you do that. I can help you. Just tell me what's wrong."

I took a long shaky breath. I didn't mean for it to come out. My plan was to make up a story of how I wanted to visit and he would say something like "Oh great! We'd love to have you over!" Then I could somehow ask about staying there for an extended period of time. Eventually, I'd work my way up to moving back in with him. I couldn't just ask him right out to come back. I didn't want to bother him. However, I really messed up.

"Usagi-san is g-gone," I choked out, another cry threatening to escape.

"What? What do you mean?" I covered my mouth and gulped. There was no way I could speak without sobbing uncontrollably. "Misaki? Did he go somewhere? He's coming back, isn't he?"

"N-No," was all I managed to say before the tears fell again. I let out a few more sobs before I continued, unable to stop myself. "He m-moved away and h-he's not coming back! I was no-nothing but t-trouble to him! Nii-chan… I d-don't wanna be alone!"

"Misaki, Misaki! Calm down! It'll be okay! I'll come over right now and get you, okay? We'll pack up all your stuff and come back to my place, okay? I won't let you be alone, Misaki."

My heart fluttered knowing that my brother was so willing to help me. I hated troubling him like this, but it was such a relief knowing that I wouldn't have to be alone in this giant apartment with only the memories of Usagi-san there. I let out a few sobs of happiness, not that Nii-chan could tell the difference between those and the sad ones.

It wasn't long before both Nii-chan and Nee-san were at the door after we had hung up. I didn't want them to see the note from Usagi-san and realize that he and I had been lovers, so I kept the note in my pocket. Nii-chan hugged me tight and let me cry on his shoulders for a bit as I told him about how Usagi-san had left so suddenly.

"This isn't like Usagi-san at all to do this," he said as he rubbed my back. "If you were bothering him, he would have told me so I could handle the situation."

I pulled away from him, rubbing my bloodshot eyes. "I h-hate that I made him h-hate me."

Nee-san lightly smiled at me. "I'm sure he doesn't hate you, Misaki-kun. This was all so sudden. I saw how much he cared you. Something urgent had to have come up in order for him to do this."

I sighed as I struggled to get my sobbing and breathing under control. Nii-chan wrapped me up in another hug. "Don't worry, Misaki," he whispered. "You'll come live with us now, where you can have a real family."

That statement only got me whimpering again. Nii-chan, you moron. Usagi-san was my family too.