((Carl's P.o.V.))

The fighting seemed endless.

Weariness has seeped its way into my bones and my body is practically screaming for some relief, sleep, anything to regain some much needed rest. Its around midnight. We've won by now. I'm keeping watch outside with Glenn and Michonne, while Dad and Daryl gather supplies throughout the other buildings. Sasha and Bob have already headed back to the church to let everyone there know that we're all alright. I've already gotten what I came back for. I'm clutching tightly to a small knapsack of whatever medical supplies we could find, including pain pills and wrappings, and I've found Tanner's missing sword; picked off of one of the thugs that had taken it from him. Michonne approaches me silently and kneels down in front of me, so that her face is within my line of sight.

"You alright?" she questions worriedly.

I nod, weakly wiping some dried blood off of my cheek, "I'm fine."

Its a lie.

I don't feel fine at all.

For one, I'm intensely worried about Tanner. We've been gone for several hours and I have no idea how much his condition has improved or deteriorated. I can only hope that he has either improved or remained the same. Anything is better than him slipping away on me. Secondly, I'm still getting over what has just happened. What Dad had done.

What we all had done...

####

((Carl's P.o.V - Flashback))

Gareth is on his knees before us.

Our group took Terminus much easier than I thought we would. After Daryl took care of the guards around the fences with his knife, we had infiltrated the cannibal compound the same way we entered the first time; right over the tops of the fences. The darkness ended up being our greatest advantage. We managed to hide in the infinite black of the shadows cast by the buildings of the Terminus compound. When the gunshots began ringing out, they scattered. Even the rooftop snipers weren't able to pinpoint us in the confusion and blackness of the night. One-by-one, each of them went down, until there were no more on the roof to rain down fire on us. From there, our job was simple. The ground fighters were in complete disarray. The ones who actually managed to see us in our hiding places were gunned down the quickest and those unfortunate souls that didn't were shooting blindly anyways, so their fate was sealed the moment they set foot into the courtyards.

But Gareth was a different story.

Dad had insisted we leave him for last. And so here we were. Capturing him had been easy as well. Watching as his people dropped like flies around him, Gareth's inner coward finally reared its head and, upon surrounding him near the entrance of the camp, he completely surrendered to us. Tears stain the young man's cheeks. He's been blubbering like this for a good few minutes, but it doesn't seem to be making Dad flinch in the slightest.

"I already told you, we won't come after you! Just leave! You have my word!" he continues to sob. "I'm begging you. Just let us be!"

"Well, that's a slightly different story you were telling us the other day when you had a kid held at gunpoint and were threatening to kill the rest of us!" Dad retorts, anger building in his voice. "As I recall, you made it pretty clear that you were going to kill and eat every one of us. It was you or us, remember that?"

"Please?!" Gareth blubbers further.

Its a pathetic sight to see.

Dad was right. Not even a day ago, this guy was probably the cockiest asshole I'd seen since the Governor. Now that he's beaten he just expects us to leave him alone and go our separate ways like nothing happened? Like they hadn't locked us in a train car to store until they needed a good meal? That they hadn't kidnapped and tried to kill and eat my boyfriend? I secretly pray that Dad doesn't buy into it. I certainly can't forget something like that. No way. As if hearing my prayer, Dad answers. And none too kindly, either.

"Yeah, I'm thinking that's not gonna happen." he spits. "But, look on the bright side. We're probably not going eat you like you were going to eat us."

"What do we do with 'im?" its Daryl.

The others have remained completely quiet while Dad deals with Gareth. But, judging by Daryl's words, they're just as eager to take care of him as I am. As Dad seems to be. Surprisingly, Dad turns to me, his look suddenly becoming more fatherly.

"You may not want to be here for this." he advises me.

"I can handle it." I retort.

Sooner or later, Dad is going to have to accept the fact that I need to be here for these things. I can't always go running off and hide. Regardless, he doesn't seem to want to argue with me tonight. Nodding reluctantly, he turns back to where Michonne and Daryl are flanking him.

"Put him on the picnic table." Dad commands.

I watch with intrigue as Daryl and Michonne seize Gareth by either arm and drag him across the courtyard, slamming him down hard on top of one of the wooden picnic tables that adorn the entry courtyard.

"Now," Dad speaks up, almost snarling. "Hold him down."

What happened next... well... you can imagine. It seems that the brutality Dad showed several days ago, on the road when those bandits attacked us, hasn't completely left him. I won't bother to go into the bloody details of the entire event. Suffice it to say that Gareth went painfully, no doubt exactly like he made many of his victims before us. By the time it was over, the table he was laying on was completely soaked in blood and other bodily matter. Afterwards, Glenn, Daryl, Michonne, Sasha, not even Bob. No one said anything. In their minds, I think they found the event horrific, but necessary. To me it was pretty much the same. Only... There is this nagging feeling in my gut. I can't stop thinking about what Dad had told me earlier, before we left the church. About how when these things became easy, we became monsters. And, while I had no part in Gareth's death, the numbness I felt while watching it suddenly concerned me. I'd never admit it to Dad, but... maybe when Tanner-

And then there is that.

Tanner.

Instinctively, I remember that I can talk to him about it. About anything.

But he's...

Oh, Tanner... Please live...

Just... Please...

((Carl's P.o.V. - Present))

The sound of footsteps on the concrete snaps me from the memories still fresh on my mind.

I advert my gaze to see who is approaching, only to discover that Dad and Daryl have finally returned. Daryl is once again in possession of his crossbow and it looks as though Dad is carrying several handguns, as well as Michonne's katana. Seems they found where Gareth and his men were holding our weapons as they scouted the compound. After handing off weapons to both Michonne and Glenn, Dad turns his attention to me, returning the pistol Gareth had taken from me several days prior. I take the handle of the weapon and promptly stuff it back into the empty holster attached to my leg. The gun I've been using since then is still tightly clutched in my right hand.

"Everything alright out here?" Dad asks, his voice low, so as not to draw any attention from outside walkers.

"Nothing to report." I reply, shaking my head.

"We should be heading back then." he continues. "Get that medicine back to Tanner and check on the others."

I'm not about to argue that one.

Even in just the short few minutes since my memories abated, anxiety was continuing to rise in my chest and so I was all too happy to be getting back towards the church. We took one last short look around at the ghost town we've created and then begin to take off towards the direction of the woods in which we came. Upon getting outside of Terminus, we pick up our pace and end up reaching the church fairly quickly. A faint glow from one of the front windows catches my attention. It wasn't bright enough to be electricity and I don't remember us turning on any torches before leaving. Dad notices this too and carefully leads us up to the front porch, gently, easily, and quietly pushing the door open. To our collective relief, mine in particular, its just candles that the group must've found while we were away. Abraham, Eugene, and Rosita are all standing nearby the door, weapons still in hand. They must've seen us approaching, because none of them seem alarmed.

"Everything alright here?" Dad asks upon greeting Abraham.

"Its been pretty dull." the soldier replies. "How about on your end?"

"We did what we had to do." Dad's answer is cryptic, but, at the same time, he doesn't sound entirely confident.

I've seen Dad go through hell and back since he became leader of the Atlanta group so long ago and so I know what it is that's bothering him. No matter how necessary, the ending of so many lives is weighing on him. He's just too stubborn to admit it to anyone.

"Did you have to do it?" this voice belongs to a newcomer, Tara, who steps out of the shadows of the corner of the church.

"They never would've let us go." Dad replies honestly. "They didn't give us a choice. It was either we kill them, or they kill and eat us. We don't have to likewhat we did. But we did have to do it. That much I'm sure of."

Before anymore can be said about the matter, Maggie, too, emerges from the back of the church and rushes to greet Glenn. She is visibly relieved to see him alright and that prompts a reaction in me. Without waiting to speak with anyone, not even so much as a "hi", I dart off towards where I'd left my injured boyfriend. And then I panic. He is not where I left him. In fact, scanning the room in a panic, I don't see him anywhere! Just as I'm about to launch into a tirade demanding to know where he is, Maggie cuts me off:

"He's fine, Carl." she says knowingly. "We moved him to one of the pews so he'd be more comfortable."

Once again, I take off without waiting for any further instruction. Sure enough, towards the back of the ill-lit church sanctuary, I find a still-sleeping Tanner sprawled out on one of the cushioned church benches. Dropping my bags with haste, I rush to his side, where I collapse to my knees next to him. His face seems to be more peaceful than it was when I left, and I'm greatly relieved to see his chest rising and falling gently. Seeing him like this jolts a response from deep inside my chest. As if the stress of the night is finally boiling over, mixing with the intense anxiety I've felt. I do my best to blink back tears, reaching out to him to take his hand. His hand is cold to the touch. Not cold like a walkers, but definitely frigid. I do my best to warm him, squeezing his hand tightly. If I have it my way, I won't let him go until he wakes up and can talk to me again. But before my thoughts go any further, Maggie is by my side. I'd been so zoned in on Tanner's condition, I hadn't noticed her approach me.

"He was asking for you." she says simply.

My heads snaps up, which forces some of the tears from their ducts, tracing two pathways down my cheeks, "He was awake?" I croak miserably.

She nods softly, "The first person he asked for was you."

The urge to cry is becoming near irresistible at this point.

He was awake and I wasn't here to be with him. I'm suddenly ashamed I ever went with Dad. I should have stayed. I should've been here to see him when he woke up. And now... What if he dies? I will have missed that final opportunity. I'll have failed him for the last time. Just like I've always done. In the end, it just seems to be my curse, always letting everyone down when they need me the most. Maggie places one of her delicate hands on my shoulder, softly enough to draw me out of my self-loathing, and allowing me to redirect my attention back to her for the moment.

"We'll get him some of this medicine. Change his bandage." she informs me. "After that, it'll be awhile, but he'll come around. Just like you did."

She's referring to the time I got shot.

Well, there is a difference to me. Back then, at the farm, it was me on that bed. This time, its someone I love and all I can do is just sit here and watch and wait. Is this how Dad and Mom and Shane felt when I was out-cold all that time? All this pain and uncertainty. How did they manage to be strong through all of that? I was barely holding on as it is now. Dad approaches, only this time, I see him coming. He regards Maggie with a nod, then his gaze shifts to Tanner, and finally back to me.

"How is he?" he asks simply.

"Stable." Maggie replies. "Its going to take time."

Dad nods, "Well, in that case, you should get some rest. Both of you." he says. "Its been a long night."

That is the understatement of the century.

"I'm staying here." I declare. "I'm not leaving him again."

Both Dad and Maggie regard me with concern. Its not going to work though. I left once tonight, by my own will no less, but I wasn't going to be leaving anymore. From this moment forward, I'd be here if Tanner needed me. There was no way I was leaving. Finally, Dad's gaze softens and he nods understandingly. And seeing him relent, Maggie does too, standing back to her full height; but not before giving me another soft pat on the shoulder. He waits until she has said her good nights and left us alone before talking to me again.

"Hey," he says to draw my attention back to him. "If you need anything during the night, don't hesitate to come get me."

I simply nod.

I'm touched by his concern. I really am. I'm just far too exhausted and emotionally drained to carry on conversation any longer. He starts to leave me, pausing just as he reaches the last row of benches.

"Carl?"

I perk up and look at him.

"I love you."

I haven't heard those words come out of my Dad's mouth in a very, very long time. So long, I can't even properly put my finger on the last time I remember him saying it to me. Since at least Hershel's farm, back when Mom was still alive. Why he's choosing to say it now, I'm not sure. Maybe as a way to comfort me after all that's happened. Perhaps something finally caused him to deem it necessary to say it. Whatever the reason, though, didn't matter. He said it. That is what truly matters. He doesn't give me time to reply, though, walking back towards where the others are gathered near the entrance of the church. Finally, for the first time in days, Tanner and I are completely alone. Only this time, he's not in any condition to joke with me, or talk about the day's events until one of us, or both of us, fall asleep. No. Tonight, its just me watching over him.

Waiting.

Praying.

But somewhere through it all, sleep manages to find me...

####

I jolt awake.

Not much time must've passed since I fell asleep. Its still dark outside. The others must've left the candles lit, because there is still a faint flicker of light coming from the front room. Standing to my feet, I quickly survey the area. Even in the faint glow of the candlelight, I can immediately detect something wrong with this whole picture.

Nobody is here.

Dad and the others seem to have completely vanished. There's not even any sign of any of our belongings laying around. Did they all just pack up and leave? I find that incredibly hard to believe. Still dazed and somewhat confused, I glance down to check on Tanner. Suddenly, I'm snapped wide awake. He's not where I left him when I fell asleep. In fact, he's not on the pew at all. What is there, on the other hand, is a faint blood stain. Panic consumes me. Did we miss someone back in Terminus? Had they come for revenge? What could have happened to everyone else?

A scuffling noise catches my attention from a shadowed corner of the room.

"Tanner?" I call out.

No response.

"Dad? ...Michonne? ...Maggie, Glenn?!"

No matter whose name I try, there is no response.

My heart is thudding in my chest. What the hell is going on?!

Another noise from the corner draws my curiosity. As my senses adapt, I can now clearly hear a noise that I can only describe as "sloshing". Whatever it is, its unsettling, causing my stomach to twist. I reach for my gun, which is holstered right where I left it, and slowly advance down the center isle until I've reached the main room. Still no sign of anyone. But there is more blood. This time, however, there is a discernible trail to follow. Something, or someone, has been dragged through this blood, it seems. I feel my breathing become more labored as anxiety mounts. I trace the blood stain to a door leading to an adjacent room. With no other option but to investigate, I cautiously advance, pushing the door open even as I point my gun into the blackness; prepared for whatever may jump out. The moonlight illuminates the room.

And I get a look at the horror that is inside.

Corpses.

Everyone's corpses.

I can see them all now.

Dad, Michonne, Glenn, Maggie... everyone!

An intense mixture of fear and anguish seizes my chest. I can't move. My thoughts won't even form correctly. There's blood everywhere. My stomach heaves and I empty what little contents are within it onto the floor in front of me. Tears sting at the back of my eyes at the same time. Just how in the world could I have lost them all like this? Without even having noticed? Then I realize something even more horrifying. My head snaps up to survey the carnage again. Just as I thought...

Tanner isn't among the dead.

No sooner have I finished thinking that thought, than a noise, same as the two before, rings out in the tiny room. I squint my eyes to bring the source into view. In the corner of the room, kneeling over what remains of Dad, is a shadowy figure. A walker? Could a walker have caused all this? Maybe it snuck up on them in their sleep and none of them even saw it coming! Angrily, I bring my gun up to blow its filthy undead brains out. And that is when the beam of moonlight, still shining through a nearby window, intensifies, catching the shadowy creature up in its light. And I get a good look at it.

At him.

Tanner.

Or... what once was Tanner.

I suddenly feel all of my strength sucked away from me in a single instant. My gun drops out of my hand, slamming against the wooden floor. The noise causes Tanner's corpse to lose focus on its gruesome meal, now turning its soulless eyes on me. I feel a gasp, a croak, rise up in my throat. I start sobbing before the tears even hit the tear ducts. My body is racked with such intense grief and uncontrollable sorrow all at once, that its all I can do just to keep standing. My hand immediately flies out to catch the door frame, keeping me upright, albeit barely. Now the tears come, mixing with snot, dried blood, and sweat as they cascade freely down my cheeks and drip like a summer rainstorm onto the wooden floor beneath me. I hear the familiar snarl of a walker as Tanner's corpse rises to its feet and begins to gait clumsily towards me. Nevertheless, I don't stop the voice-cracking sob that escapes my throat. In fact, I don't even attempt to pick my gun back up.

I already know I can't do it.

Anyone in this room would be hard to shoot, even if they were walkers.

Some would be harder than others.

But Tanner?

I couldn't even think about such a thing. Finally, my legs give out, and I drop to my knees. The Tanner walker closes in on me. I can smell its decaying breath, see its feet only mere feet away from me. The hairs on my neck, which stand up in alarm, tell me that the creature is bending down to continue its meal with me. But I don't even try to move. To dodge. To nothing. I just want to die. To finally have peace and die. And if Tanner is the one to do that for me?

Well, even this way, I guess I'm okay with that...

####

Someone violently shaking me disturbs my nightmare and frees me.

I jolt upright and immediately become aware of just how drenched in sweat I am. Every article of clothing on me is sticking to me like glue. I can feel the sudden gust of night air cool my super-heated body and I immediately turn to see who it was that woke me. Sitting just a few feet from me, arms folded, eyes regarding me with worry and fear, is Michonne. Registering she is alive, my eyes immediately dart to the pew I was sleeping beside. Low and behold, Tanner is laying right where I left him, still snoozing rather peacefully on the cushioned church bench. Relief sweeps over me like a cool breeze and I am quick to cup my face in my hands, releasing a tremendous sigh as I do.

"Nightmare?" Michonne asks the obvious.

All I can offer her is a nod.

Ever perceptive, as always, Michonne continues. "You know, I use to dream about Mike too. After the refugee camp. All those months alone on the road. I always would dream he turned into a walker." she explains.

Suddenly intrigued, I lift my head to look at her, hoping she'll elaborate further.

And she does.

"The difference between you and I, though." she goes on. "Is that when I woke up, the nightmare wasn't over. He was a walker. I let him turn into one. And his walker was with me. Every single day." Now she turns to look at me directly in the eyes. "You? You still have him. He's still alive. He's no walker. And, to tell you the truth, I don't think he'll ever be one."

I'm speechless.

Her perceptiveness knows no bounds. Truly.

"How did you-?"

"You moan in your sleep." she is quick to inform me, offering me a comforting smile. "Particularly when you're having a nightmare."

I manage a chuckle at that, but only a brief one, and only out of sheer relief.

Its momentary, however, because the second it ends, my stomach heaves, and this time I vomit for real. Its not much, given the low content of my stomach, but just about everything comes out. Michonne quickly pulls out a half-empty bottle of water sitting next to her, unscrews the cap, and hands it to me. I don't refuse or question her, simply taking the bottle and gulping down as much of the liquid as I possibly can. Throwing up can easily make one dehydrated, especially if there wasn't much in the stomach to begin with. At least, that's what Mom always use to tell me. I think Michonne was thinking along the same lines.

"Thanks." I manage after a few moments.

She nods understandingly, "Take your time. Don't overdo it."

"Are the others...?" I'm quick to ask.

"Fine." she cuts me off again. "They're all fine."

I nod, again relieved.

If it was just a nightmare, than I can handle that.

"How about you?" she manages after a few more moments of silence.

"I'm better." I admit. "Now that I know he's okay."

"You seem to be holding something back." she informs me. "Ever since Terminus, earlier tonight, something has really been bothering you. Care to let me in?"

So, apparently, there is a limit to her perceptiveness. I haven't just been like this tonight. Tanner had picked up on my distress yesterday, in the boxcar. He had done his best, then, to cheer me up. I had only pushed him away, something I now hate myself for. If anything was to happen to him now, I'd never forgive myself for being that way towards him.

"Its nothing," I lie. "I just really want to talk to him."

She seems to get that hint loud and clear.

Its not that I don't want to let her in. I'm sure she knows that. She tells me her secrets, I tell her mine. But Tanner had told me that, once we made it out of Terminus, he'd want to talk about what's bothering me, so I want to make sure he's the one that hears it. Not Michonne. She offers me a reassuring pat on the shoulder and carefully stands up.

"Well, get some sleep." she says. "He's going to need you tomorrow. You won't be able to help if you haven't gotten some sleep."

And I can't argue with that logic.

Michonne leaves to rejoin the others, who are, by this point in the night, probably all sleeping. I resume my post next to Tanner and gently lay my hand over the top of his. I spend the next few minutes in silence, listening to his breathing, the steady pulse of his heartbeat and finally release a pent up sigh. Then, bowing my head so that it lightly rests against his shoulder, I shut my eyes and welcome sleep's embrace once again.

####

I wondered how long it would take before Tanner would be in any condition to talk again.

The answer?

Two and a half days.

That's how much time has passed. Its afternoon. Dad, Daryl, and Glenn have gone out to hunt for some food for all of us. Dad had declared that we would use the church as a base of operations while Tanner recovers. We'd decide on our next move once he was healthy enough to move again. Tanner himself has been in and out of consciousness over the past couple of days, but never enough to speak to any of us. I was just finishing changing his bandage for that day when his eyes finally flutter open, first wincing in the harsh light of day, before finally opening in full. His eyes fall on mine first and I cannot contain the smile that comes to my face.

"Hey there..." he manages weakly, offering his best smile, which, itself is weak.

Instinctively, I grab his hand, which, for the first time in days, he's able to squeeze slightly back.

"Well, well, well..." its Michonne's voice.

When or how she came to be behind me, I don't know, and frankly, don't care. I'm too caught up in the relief and happiness of the moment. Tanner's eyes flicker upwards to see the source of the voice he'd just heard. A small grin creeps across his face upon seeing that its Michonne.

"How's it feeling, solider?" Michonne asks with a smile.

"Hurts like a bitch." Tanner gasps, managing a weak chuckle.

"I'll go get Maggie to give you some more of those pain pills." Michonne announces. "Let you two have a moment alone in the meantime."

True to her word, Michonne spins on her heel and promptly leaves us to ourselves. I return my attention to him, lightly brushing some of his hair out of his eyes. His hair has gotten quite a bit longer in the past month. When I met him, it was just barely hanging over his forehead. Now, however, it nearly covers his eyes and completely covers his ears. Not that I'm complaining. I like it the way it is. He smiles at me, having noticed me staring at him.

"So," he manages. "What'd I miss?"

"Well," I think back over the past couple of days. I consider telling him about Terminus and that's when I'm reminded of the fact that I still need to talk to him. My happy demeanor suddenly collapses and, though still clearly coming out of his daze, Tanner's hardens and becomes more serious.

"Carl, what's wrong?"

It amazes me.

Even though he's been shot and is in way worse condition than I am, having just been able to speak coherently for the first time in days, he still is more concerned about me than he is about himself. That revelation brings the tears flooding back to my eyes. I thought I could be strong for this, but it turns out, I'm just a big baby on the inside. No matter how tough I try to be on the surface.

"Carl?" his concern is now palpable in his voice.

"Tanner," I say weakly. "Do you think I'm evil?"

There.

I said it.

What's been on my mind for days now. What I've been meaning to talk to him about this whole time. I've probably picked the worse time ever to bring this up, but I just can't keep it inside anymore. I need to know what he thinks. And I need to know it now.

"Why would you say that?" his voice is stern, but still concerned.

"Its just," I begin slowly, picking my words carefully. "We went back to deal with those goons in Terminus. The night you got shot. It wasn't for revenge, it was just... they were going to kill us. All of us. And then eat us."

Tanner nods blankly, memories returning from him from the past couple of days, "Yeah," he says. "They were cannibals."

"Yeah," I reply. "Its just. During the whole thing. When we were killing them. I... I wanted to kill them. For what they were trying to do to you. What they planned to do to all of us. Before we left, Dad told me that when killing became easy, that's when we become bad people. I don't want to become bad. But I can't escape these thoughts. The thought that you might die if I couldn't get the medicine they had in their camp. That they might come looking for us and kill us all. Kill you. So killing them... I realized it wasn't hard to do it." By this point, the tears are falling freely from my eyes. They free fall off of my face and drip lightly against Tanner's arm, which is resting close to my chest. I'm so relieved that he's okay, but, at the same time, the anguish that has been building in me over this has been eating me alive. "I helped Dad kill them. All except for Gareth."

Tanner studies me for a good couple of moments, letting my words sink in. But I'm not done yet.

"So, I gotta know." I finish, wiping a string of tears from my eyes with my arm. "Do you think I'm evil?"

And then, the ball is in his court...

####

((Tanner's P.o.V.))

Walking up to Carl has to be the best way to do so.

But our happy reunion is quickly shelved.

Even after being out for the past couple of days, I can remember just how distraught Carl's been lately. Ever since that night when he was almost raped by Joe's group. The following day he'd confessed to Michonne and I that he thought himself a monster. And even in the boxcar, he just didn't seem himself. When I'd asked what I missed, just a few seconds ago, his entire demeanor collapsed. Has he been waiting this whole time to tell me this? But, regardless of my circumstances, I know I have to give him an answer. He needs it. More to the point, he needs it to be the truth. The pain in my abdomen, from the gunshot, temporarily forces me to wince. Its certainly better than I remember it being a few days ago, but, nevertheless, it can distract my thoughts easily whenever it flares up like that.

"Carl," I finally say after much consideration. "You've gotta stop beating yourself up."

I expect him to protest. He always does.

But this time he doesn't.

He simply watches me, listens, tears still twinkling in his eyes.

"You're not evil." I continue, pushing through another wave of stabbing pain. "A-and you're not a monster either. Everything that you've just told me. Everything that you've done. You're just a man trying to protect the people he loves. Same as your dad. Same as... me."

Its a true admission.

The well of my memory runs deep. I remember the first time Carl was almost raped. The frenzy of rage I flew into to protect him. I'd have killed everyone on that road in a vicious slaughter if that's what it would've taken to protect him. And then there was Nat. Upon seeing her again, my world fell apart. I didn't think I'd recover from that one. But when I discovered Carl had run off to kill her, in protection of me, and she'd hurt him in the process? I remember how badly I just wanted to tear her throat out. To carve her corpse up with my sword and feed it to the walkers. Come to think of it, I've done and thought a lot of horrible things since the world ended. Even more so in defense of Carl and my new group. My pack. My mother always use to tell me that intense situations bring out the real person inside of you. And while this world can twist that side of you into more of an animal than a man, that same basic principle applies even now. Sometimes, horrible things have to be done if you want to protect who you love.

I've known that for a long time.

It seems Carl is at the point now where he is having to decide, for him, if that is true or not.

"But, how can you be so sure?" he finally asks, his expression pained and confused. "How many more people do we have to kill before we stop thinking like that?"

I feel my expression soften.

I love this guy so much.

He's not bad. No matter how much he tries to convince himself, and everyone else, that he is. And now I can see it in his eyes. He really meant what he said earlier. He doesn't want to be bad. And that's when I realize that, if he ever is to believe that, he needs someone to show it to him. To once and for all put those worries and doubts to rest. I summon what strength I can and lift my arm, resting the palm of my hand gently against his cheek. With my thumb, I lovingly stroke away the tears that are drying across the splatter of cute freckles on his face. He doesn't say anything. He just continues to watch me. Waiting for what I have to say.

Waiting for his answer.

"I'm sure, because," I say. "Carl, evil doesn't worry about being good. The world is different. It changes you. And sometimes, we have to do things we're not proud of. You've seen me... anytime someone's ever tried to hurt you. Whenever I've felt threatened or felt someone was threatening you, or our people. I've done some pretty monstrous things too."

He's silent. Listening. Completely transfixed.

"What sets us apart from them, the people who hurt for no other reason than to hurt, is that we don't shy away from the fact that what we do is wrong." I continue. "We know its wrong and we don't like it, but we have to. Its not easy, but keep each other alive, we have to get our hands dirty. Bloody even. But we take no pleasure in it. I don't. And you don't either. Carl, don't you see? The fact that you're doing wrong is eating you alive, but you do it anyways because its the key to protecting your loved ones. That's how I know you're still good. You always have been and you always will be."

That seems to do the trick.

The last of Carl's restraints come completely down and he collapses into me, sobbing hard into my chest. Its relief I know. He was fully expecting me to agree with him and call him a monster too. Knowing that I wasn't going to do that must've taken tons of weight off of his chest. Doing my best not to strain my injury, I wrap my arms around him for the first time in several days. And boy does it feel good. To have him wrapped in my arms again, holding him tightly against my chest, taking in his aroma, his presence. It is intoxicating.

"I thought I was going to lose you." he sobs into my chest.

"Lose me?" I grin, squeezing him again sweetly. "Pssh, as if I'd ever let a measly bullet take me out. I can't afford to be that ordinary."

His sobs turn into tearful laughing. I can't see his face, as its still buried in my chest, but I can feel him laughing into my chest. Its magnificent. Aside from a chuckle here and there, I haven't heard him laugh like this since the funeral home. I know. I know he's laughing out of sheer relief, though I'd like to think its because of my hilarious sense of humor, but I'm happy just to know that he's still able to laugh, despite all that has happened to us. Returning to a serious demeanor, I lightly rub his back and reassure him;

"I'm not going anywhere, bud."

And all is right with the world again...

####

Another day passes.

With each day, my strength slowly returns to me.

I'm back on my feet today, even though I'm no where near ready to travel again just yet. The group is assembled in the foyer of the church, where Rick is discussing our plans for once I'm ready to travel again. And while everyone is in agreement that this church cannot be home, only Abraham has a real suggestion;

"Why don't you all come with Eugene, Rosita, and I to Washington?" the sergeant suggests.

"That's right." Glenn chimes in. "We were going to go there before we got caught in Terminus."

"What's in Washington?" Rick asks, curious.

I'm pretty curious myself.

I prefer to avoid any city that is, or was, full of politicians. Its just my policy.

"Eugene here knows the real reason this whole shit grenade went off and took the world with it." Abraham explains plainly. "We're taking him to Washington to help the mookity mooks up there put an end to this thing. Save the whole damn human race."

Now that I wasn't expecting.

This guy knew what the hell caused the apocalypse?! Rick seems just as shocked, but Abraham is still busy speaking.

"We need people if we are to hope for this mission to be a success." the red-head continues. "With this whole Terminus bullshit, we've been sidetracked. We need to get back on track. Now, you folks have been through the ringer. You've seen it all. Glenn and Maggie have filled us in a bit. So I'd say, once your little friend gets well enough to make the journey, we find us a car or two, caravan up, and haul ass to Washington."

I look at Carl.

He looks back.

We're both incredulous. This is a bit much to take in all at once. There may actually be a solution to this whole walker crisis? After nearly two years of living hell? Well, I'm sold. Going with Abraham to Washington sounds completely sane to me. And, judging by Rick's facial expression, he has come to the same conclusion. A quick glance around the room confirms this. Seems everyone is on the same page.

"Washington it is, then." Rick declares.

Finally we have a direction again.

The group disperses, everyone scattering to chat, or grab rations for the afternoon. I follow Carl back to the pews in the sanctuary, where I take a seat, and prepare to relax. My abdomen is anything if not sore at the moment. He approaches, taking a seat beside me, only to hand me a very familiar trinket of mine. One I thought I'd never see again.

My sword.

"Got this for you back in Terminus." he says. "Thought you'd want it back."

I chuckle and take the scabbard of the sheathed weapon into my hand, "Well, well. And here I thought I'd never see this beauty again." I reply happily. "Thank you, Carl."

Its touching that he thought to bring this back to me. To be honest, I would've been happy never to see it again, given its connection to Nat. But then... it also has a connection to Carl. Now more than ever, so I suppose I'm happy to hold onto it, until we both decide I don't need it any longer.

"How do you feel about it?" he asks suddenly. "About Washington?"

"Well," I reply. "Its good to have a new destination. Even if it is several states away from us. As long as it doesn't lead us into another den of cannibals, I'm good with it."

He smirks at this, but before he can retort, there is a loud commotion from the front foyer that draws our attention; snapping us from our conversation. Rick and the others are surrounding the door of the foyer. Through the distorted glass that makes up the windows of the wooden doors at the front of the church, I can barely make out the silhouette of people standing outside. Another knock comes at the door.

We have company.


A/N: Wow. Firstly, I have to apologize to you guys. I completely left out of my last author's note that I was going on vacation this weekend. I totally didn't intend this chapter to take three days to pump out, so I hope it was worth the wait! We're finally moving out of the Terminus plot and onto Washington D.C.! And who might our new mysterious guests be? Anyone's guess, so I guess we'll find out next time! xD

Onto the reviews!

HeadedCoffee: I tried to do that this chapter. To really show Carl suffering over the possibility of losing yet another person, while simultaneously spilling his guts when everything turns out alright. Kid's been through a lot. I can't imagine having to lose someone ELSE. I hope it was to your satisfaction! :D Thanks for the comment and review! (P.S. I'm glad you had to add in "when" Tanner recovers. It suggests to me you had the thought that he might die. Tanner isn't safe from death in this story, true to TWD as I am, so I'm glad someone else got the feel that he might, even though he didn't end up dying in the end. Good catch!)

chilledmoons: Make my day?! This review made my week! You are much too kind and I am deeply honored that you feel so strongly about this story. I'm glad you find Tanner so relateable. One of the main things I shoot for when I write him is to really connect him to the reader. I want the reader to feel like they could be in his shoes and think the things he thinks, feel the things he feels, and do the things he does, so I'm glad you're getting that experience. I do so enjoy hearing that people have taken to him the way that they have. As to the sexual aspect, you are thinking exactly how I thought about all of this. They are two boys with some hormonal issues and a lot of pent up frustrations, and sometimes, that's the only way you can release it xD I do try to keep it natural, so that it doesn't feel like its thrown in there, so I'm glad you felt that it was a good and helpful addition to the story! Your review has definitely inspired me to keep on going strong! I promise to try my best to continue making this an endearing and enjoyable story from start to finish! Thank you so, so, SO much for your comments and thoughts! :D Have a WONDERFUL week!

Guest143: Yep :) I was already planning on him doing so. Carl wouldn't leave something that important to Tanner behind, so I figured he'd find a way to bring it back!

MaybeAMonster: Thank you, thank you, thank you! I really appreciate this! :) I really go out of my way to make sure there is depth to the characters in this story. TWD is my favorite show on television just because of how awesome and interesting the characters are, both in their interactions with each other, as well as within themselves, so I'm trying my best to translate that to this story as well. I'm really happy you like Tanner! One of the challenges of creating a story with an OC co-protagonist is that I have to work really hard to make sure Tanner really belongs in this world along with the characters from the show we know and love, so I'm glad you and others who have commented on him really find him to be a fulfillment of that. As a writer, it only makes me want to continue making this story better and better! As to the smut, yes, you will be getting one of those scenes from Carl's point of view very soon. I've been saving his point of view on that particular matter for a very important event that I'm almost ready to show! So stay tuned for that! Additionally, I'm glad you find it realistic. You hit the nail on the head. They definitely love each other, but they're still discovering sex and their sexuality, so I'm really glad that comes through the way it does. To answer your question: Yes! They will absolutely be having that conversation with one another in an upcoming chapter. I'm going to dedicate an entire chapter to them resolving that issue in particular, so you have something to look forward to there! Good question! It means a lot to me that you've recommended this story. I'm glad you enjoy it to the extent that you would tell others about it :) I hope they enjoy it as much as you have! Once more, thank you SO much for your review and kind words. And don't worry, the story is into its second half, but its still got a little ways to go before coming to an end, so you've still got a lot more to look forward to ^.^

Wow guys. Thank you SO much! You're all awesome and are the reasons I keep this story up so diligently. An author dreams for an readership that is this dedicated, kind, and considerate. Honestly, from the bottom of my heart, thank you all!

Until the next chapter!

Later!