Chapter 29
Naina
It was only a matter of time and you suppose that under the circumstances they prefer not to waste any. The very next day you are given a letter informing you that in a week's time you will face a disciplinary hearing, the outcome of which will determine your future in the army.
You stare down at the letter in your hand, trying to decide whether you want to rip it up, or set fire to it or throw it in your bin. Instead you fold it carefully and put it on your table, placing a weight on top of it so that it does not get lost.
You think of Rajveer then, wherever he may be. You imagine him coming home and finding out how they've treated you, how General Joshi refused to step forward in your hour of need. You know how betrayed he would feel over it, how angry. You feel vaguely justified by this, by the thought that one day he will come back and punish them somehow for their treatment of you. When he comes back… if he…
You stop then and the tears start to fall; you are not ready for this, you cannot handle it. Your initial bravery in front of the General is gone, replaced by a fear of what is going to happen, a fear for your future. If you had felt shunned or like an outcast before, then what will happen once everybody knows the truth? How will they treat you then?
It's not fair… nothing in your whole damn life has been fair and you'd like to know why it's you that always gets the raw end of the deal, you who has to put up with so god damn much all of the time. What sins of a previous life are you paying for that you have to be tortured so much?
Suddenly you know that you cannot do this alone, that you need support or you are going to collapse, going to have a breakdown that you will never recover from.
So you call the only person who you know will understand, the only person who will not ask questions that you can't answer. You try to calm yourself until he comes on the phone, wiping at the tears that threaten to fall.
He hears your sharp intake of breath as he picks up the phone and he knows, as he always knows. "Naina, what's wrong?"
"It's a mess, Aalekh…" You tell him, trying to find the courage to say your next sentence, because it is not easy to tell your best friend that you've screwed up your entire life. "Everything is ruined and I can't even explain anything to you… I can't…" You try not to break down completely, taking deep breaths.
"Just tell me slowly, Naina." he responds, and you know it is an effort for him to stay calm as he listens to your despair. "Tell me as much as you can."
So you take a deep breath and just say it. "I'm pregnant… my superiors have found out and there's a disciplinary hearing scheduled, I'm going to be kicked out of the army and I don't know… I'm just so tired and I don't know what to do."
And because he is Aalekh, he doesn't ask you any questions. He does not ask you who the father is, or when or how. He never will, you know that.
Instead he says the one thing that could possibly make you feel better.
"I'm on my way."
/
His silence after he arrives does not bother you because you know it's not an accusatory silence, but one of thought. He is attempting to find a solution for you, a way out of your problem.
"If you like…" he says slowly, "I'll tell them that it's my child… I'll take responsibility and marry you."
You laugh because you hadn't expected this of him and you really should've.
"And how many more damsels in distress will you save, Aalekh?" you ask him, "How many more children will you claim as your own? And what do you think your girlfriend would say about the fact you've apparently impregnated me in the last few months and are now going to marry me… that too when you've been posted on the other side of the country."
Aalekh is again silent, maybe he knew this would be your reaction, maybe he knew and felt he had to offer anyway.
"Aalekh, I don't need you to save me," you tell him. "And I don't need you to find a solution for me. I just need you to be here with me right now."
He nods and takes your hand and as he looks at you, you know that he wants to ask. That perhaps it's killing him not to know what it is that has happened.
But still he doesn't.
/
You ask Aalekh if he can break the news to your other friends for you because at this stage you just don't have the courage, you don't want to face anybody at all. Pooja is the first to call and you are glad that at the very least she will be doing it for both her and Ali. Ali has the same principles that he has always had, he won't say anything for fear of embarrassing you, and you're at least a bit thankful that he feels that way. Knowing how difficult it will be for you, Aalekh waits while you speak to her.
"Naina, are you okay?" is the first thing that she asks you, "When I first heard… nothing happened to you did it?"
"No Pooja, nothing happened to me," you tell her a little tearfully, touched by her concern and worry. "It was… what happened was…" and you cannot say it even now, cannot tell them who it is that you love, who it is that is the father of your child. The words gather in your throat and you choke them back down, knowing that to do so would place him in danger.
"Pooja, I can't tell you… I just can't." you tell her. "I'm so sorry, but I hope you can understand."
She is silent for a moment and her next words surprise you with their acceptance, with their understanding. "What are you going to call your child?"
"Pooja, I…" you begin in surprise, "You're not…"
"How can I judge you, Naina, when you've suffered so much?" she asks you, "If you were happy for awhile… then that's enough for me. Besides, Qaidi has warned us all not to ask you any questions or we'll be in trouble with him… Now tell me, what are you going to name your child?"
"I hadn't really thought of it," you tell her. "But if it's a boy… if it's a boy then I'll name him after his father."
Aalekh looks at you suddenly, perhaps realising that one way or another he will find out whether he asks or not.
And as you hang up the phone you have a feeling that yes, your child will be a boy and that he will have the name that you wish to give him.
Even if his father never comes to know of it.
/
Yudi and Huda call as well, Yudi offers to marry you, half joking and half seriously and you inform him that Aalekh has already offered and been turned down. You tell Huda not to do so before he can even think of saying it, and all he says in the end is that he'll be there for you if you need him... he stops himself from saying anything else, you suspect he's been warned by Aalekh not to. Shalini and Abhimanyu also call but you ask Aalekh if he can speak to them instead, fearing what they'll ask you, fearing the disappointment and concern that you may hear in their voices when they talk to you.
Aalekh tells you that they're concerned about you, that they've offered you any help that you might need. You tell him you hope that doesn't mean that Abhimanyu has also offered to marry you because that would just about be the last straw.
Aalekh doesn't reply to that, maybe he thinks he'd better not.
"I swear I've never had so many people wanting to marry me as when I got pregnant." you quip, "I should recommend it to all girls wanting to find a husband."
He doesn't look like he finds that very funny, you suppose that it's not.
Aalekh leaves the next day, he'd only been able to receive three days leave to come and be with you and while he's offered to apply for more, you think it's better that he goes back. If he stays with you through this then he'll become caught up in it, people will assume things about his role in this and soon his career will be in as much trouble as yours will.
You don't want him to be dragged down with you, you don't want any of them to be. Let none of them be known as your friends, let none of them have to speak up to defend you when the gossip starts. You want them to be happy and successful and you've begun to wonder if that can be possible for anybody who remains close to you.
Instead you begin preparing yourself to separate from them, at least until this is all sorted out one way or another. You have begun to realise exactly how hopeless the situation you have been placed in is unless by some miracle Raj somehow manages to come back before the disciplinary hearing. Neither can you tell the truth, nor are you willing to lie. You are about to be kicked out of the army, about to have everything taken away from you that you fought so hard to gain.
But really and truly, what else did you ever expect out of life?
