XXIX.

The holiday break was over too quickly for Syrulia. She had slept with Severus every night of the break except for the final night (before the other students returned). She had felt so safe and slept well, comfortable next to him. However, when she went back to sleep in her own bed, she began to have nightmares about something bad happening to Severus. She had told him about the dreams, of course, but he had just shrugged it off as being 'just a dream'. Still, something about the dreams felt like a warning to her, but she could never remember enough about the dream upon awakening to know what it was.

As, the weeks went by, things were back to the way they had been: classes, studying with Severus, and working hard at potions and charms. The only difference now was that Severus was on speaking terms with Lily again. Not that they would speak often, but she would wave to him if they passed in the corridor, and speak to him in classes they shared. Ever time it happened Syrulia would feel a pang of jealousy gnawing at her insides. She didn't say anything, not wanting to push her luck. She continued to feel as though she was living in a dream and would wake up at anytime, back to the horrible life she had lived before.

When the last weekend for Hogsmeade trips arrived, Syrulia awoke excited for a break from studying. She dressed quickly and went out into the common room to wait for Severus. "He's gone with Lily Evans," Mulciber told her, when he realized she was waiting. "Severus did," Syrulia asked meekly. "Yes, she came to the corridor asking for him, and he went out there with her. I heard they left the castle towards the village," Mulciber elaborated. Syrulia's heart dropped into her stomach, as she thought about Severus and Lily alone together. She imagined them in the same position she had found Avery and that random girl. "Thanks," she muttered to Mulciber before quickly leaving the common room and heading for the village alone. 'Please let it be innocent,' she thought to herself over and over, walking as quickly as she could.

Walking past the train station, she began to panic, not really knowing where to look for Severus. As she reached the first shop, she could feel tears stinging her eyes. 'You're being silly,' she thought to herself, but she couldn't help her feelings. As she sat down on a bench outside of Honeyduke's, she looked up to spot Severus and Lily walking across the road through her tear blurred vision. She could hear Lily laughing, and this caused the tears to spill down Syrulia's cheeks. She buried her face in her hands, trying to stop herself, knowing there was no reason to cry.

"What's wrong," a familiar voice asked suddenly. Syrulia dropped her hands to find Avery in front of her. "It's nothing," she said, wiping the tears away with the back of her hands. "Seems like something to me," Avery pushed it further. "I'm just being dramatic as usual," she told him, looking down at her lap. "Nonsense," Avery chided, "Did Severus abandon you here?" Syrulia shook her head, "No, he did not." "Then why are you alone crying," he asked her, a smug look on his face. "I already told you, I'm just being dramatic. Severus is just spending time with Lily today is all," Syrulia told him. "Well, perhaps since you are alone, you wouldn't mind joining me in the Three Broomsticks," he proposed. Syrulia looked across the street and found Severus speaking with Lily outside of the post office. "Sure," she decided. Avery offered his hand and Syrulia accepted.

Severus looked across the street just in time to see Avery holding hands with a girl, as he looked closer he noticed those familiar ashy-blonde curls and his heart skipped a beat. "Avery," Severus muttered under his breath. "What is it, Severus," Lily questioned. She noticed his gaze, and followed it across the street to see Syrulia entering the Three Broomsticks with another Slytherin. "Is that Avery," she questioned. "Yes," Severus answered, anger evident in his tone. "You have to go after her, Sev," Lily demanded. "You're right. I will see you later," Severus said as he made his way to cross the street.

When he entered the Three Broomsticks he found Syrulia and Avery sitting in a corner booth. "Syrulia," Severus called as he approached them. She turned to look at Severus, her heart rising into her throat. She forced a smile, "Severus!" "What's going on," he asked her. "We're just enjoying some butterbeers," Avery answered. "Yes, Avery was just keeping me company while you were spending time with Lily," Syrulia shot. "I don't know if I'm okay with that," Severus declared. "Really, Severus, I wasn't trying anything," Avery stated. "Syrulia, may I have a word in private," Severus snapped. Syrulia said nothing, but stood and followed Severus back outside.

"What are you doing with him," he started angrily. "I came to find you, and when I saw you were with Lily having so much fun, I kind of just… got upset. I was sitting alone and Avery happened to notice me, and invited me along for a drink," she explained. "He's dangerous," Severus exclaimed. "I know, but it was to a public place and I was upset, Severus," Syrulia noted. Severus was silent for a moment. His heart hurt thinking about Syrulia being with Avery, thinking about what had almost happened before, about what could have happened just now, and then about the fact that she said she had been upset. "Why were you upset," he asked, his voice softening.

Syrulia didn't know how to say it; she didn't want Severus to think she was being stupid. She thought it herself without him having to say so. Finally she decided to just admit it, admit everything, "I was feeling jealous… and I felt like an outsider who didn't belong… and I imagined you doing the same thing to me as Avery… with her… I just… I lost it. I was crying when Avery found me outside." Severus was shocked. He hadn't really thought that it was bothering Syrulia that he was spending time with Lily. He thought that she had grown stronger and had worked past all of the pain that she had been through, but now he could see that she was deeply imprinted by it. "I know it's stupid," Syrulia blurted out suddenly, pulling Severus from his thoughts.

"It's not stupid, Syrulia," he started, "I didn't know that you were feeling jealous or I wouldn't have left you alone. I thought I would return before you woke. Lily came to help me find a gift for you." He held up a bag as he said this, and Syrulia felt even more foolish, her cheeks burning. "I'm sorry, Severus," she apologized, "I just know how much you like her." Severus pulled Syrulia into his embrace suddenly, catching her entirely off guard. "I told you I would never hurt you, and that includes by cheating on you. I will never do that, ever. I promise, I love you," he whispered. "I know. And I love you, so very much," Syrulia murmured.

Severus could tell that she was still having reservations about this. He realized something then. She had never seen that his intentions were pure. He had seen the inside of her mind, her memories and feelings, but she had not seen his and never even asked. "Come on," he said, grasping her hand and pulling her back towards the castle. He walked quickly and Syrulia tried to keep pace. "Where are we going," she questioned. "You'll see," Severus said coolly. They soon approached the lake and finally stopped in front of a large tree. Severus sat down in the grass, laying the shopping bag down on the ground. Syrulia followed suit and sat down across from him silently. "I want you to practice the use of Legilimency on me," Severus stated drily. "Severus, I don't think–," Syrulia started, but was cut off by Severus. "Please, Syrulia. I want you to see how I see you, that way you will trust me more," he begged. "Okay, Severus," she agreed.

She had never actually used Legilimency as it was not taught at Hogwarts, but she had practiced the incantation and wand movement. As she followed through what she had practiced, images and emotions suddenly flooded into her mind. As she tried her hardest to navigate through his mind, she saw memories of him as a child, before she had met him: a time when he was cowering away from his father yelling over him, when he first met Lily, his first time on the train to Hogwarts, the excitement he had felt then. She then felt his extreme longing for Lily, causing her to feel extreme jealousy. She must have pushed this out towards Severus, because she felt him grasp her hand reassuringly. Then she saw her own face in his mind. She could feel his sadness as he repeatedly helped her to heal from Avery's attacks, and she could see the bruises as they disappeared. As she moved on to a different memory, the first time they had been intimate, she could feel his total love and devotion. Then a final memory of Severus apologizing to Lily that day before the Easter break, showing that he wasn't lying when he said they were just friends and that he truly loved Syrulia now. She did still get a feeling of loyalty and devotion to Lily in his mind, but it didn't seem to diminish his feelings for her.

She blinked as she looked at him now. "I'm sorry, Severus," she apologized again. "For what," he questioned, a sense of fear in his tone. "For not believing you without doing this," she admitted. He pulled her into his lap then, and hugged her tightly. "It is of no concern to me, I should have done it sooner. I know that you are damaged, and that you will always have some trouble with trust, but I hope that I can help you to heal this too… over time," he whispered to her, before kissing her cheek lightly. "Thank you, Severus," she whispered, resting her head on his shoulder.