"He says he doesn't blame me." House sat in Wilson's office, still hiding from Clinic Duty. He was turned side ways on the couch, his feet up, and had an arm over his eyes.
"That's... good... right?" Wilson said.
"You said I made the right decision, despite it being the one everyone else would have rejected. Why?" House demanded, peeking out from under his arm.
Wilson held his hands up a little shaking his head. "Beeeecause... I don't know. Chase trusted you to make the decision he would have made himself. Soooo, I suppose I don't know. I figured he knew that you would do that."
"You said it, to make me feel better for potentially crippling him! But you don't know if I made the right decision." House said. "Not till that swelling goes down again! For all we know, he could be stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. Two thirds of people that have a heart attack as acute as he did, do not make a full recovery. He has a fifteen percent more chance of having illness or death from this point on. Twenty seven percent of men that have a heart attack die, in the first year. Thirteen percent of men have a chance of sudden death and twenty of heart failure!"
"I'm simply amazed that you have all those statistics memorized. He's going to be fine. I... didn't you just say that Chase isn't blaming you? I'm lost here. I think I'm missing part of this conversation, which isn't unusual. But if I'm to have anything helpful to say, you need to let me in on the part that is going on in your head!" Wilson huffed. "I'm still not a mind reader!"
"Thank goodness for that, you'd go insane if you were in my head." House pointed out. "How does anyone know if it is the right decision?" He asked. "He said there were no 'what ifs'. That it was the decision he would have wanted to make, because when I win, the patient wins, and therefore he wins... how can he say that when he can't even move his legs yet!"
"Yet. The swelling could come down and his legs will be fine. If that happens, then the chances that he'll be back to what he could consider normal will be almost ensured. You made the decision he would have made to keep the life he wanted." Wilson explained as though House should realize this.
"But if I had gone the other way, his back would have been weaker yes, but he might not have coded, and there was less chance of the swelling getting worse from how long they were screwing around in his back... and less chance that he'll be in a wheelchair and his heart wouldn't be weakened even more!" House pointed out. "How do we know, I made the right decision!"
Wilson put his head in his hands. "House, you make these kinds of decisions all the time. You make the decision, order people to carry them out and damn the torpedoes. Why the hell do you care so much about the right-wrong of it right now? He said, you made the right decision. That's all that matters."
House threw his hands up as he sat up once more. "You don't get it."
"No! I don't! Help me get it!" Wilson begged. "Because right now you're just being difficult!"
"I'm not... responsible for them. I don't know them. They come through my department and we never see them again. The decision I made will..." House ground down and grimaced, looking disgusted.
"Will have repercussions that you will be witness to." Wilson finished. "You know and care... now stop don't you protest... you care about Chase. You care about me and Cuddy, whether you admit it or not. I think you also care about Cameron and Foreman. And you can glare at me all you want, but it doesn't make it any less true. You're going to see the results of the decision and have to live with them..."
House turned away, arms crossed over his chest defensively, but Wilson persisted. "You're worried you have crippled him, like Stacy did to you. She made a decision, one you didn't agree with, and then left you with the results. This is... based on you and your experiences with people making decisions about you. Trusting them with your life. And now you're worried you've done a-a-a Stacy on Chase! But House, he said you made the decision he would have made. It isn't the same. She went against your expressed wishes! It wasn't until they opened Chase up, that they found the situation was going to be progressive. You made a decision as the situation developed."
"That doesn't mean it was the right one." House finally said.
"Did Stacy make the right one? Or was your decision the right one?" Wilson asked. "Or were you both wrong, and you should have had the amputation? We don't really know, do we? Or do we? It is based on how the person most affected feels about it. And he... thinks it is the right decision. Stop beating yourself up!"
House growled low in his throat and used his cane to lever himself up.
"House? He's going to live. He survived the surgery. The decision has been implemented. Going over what ifs, and what could have beens, isn't going to help him, or you." Wilson said before House could storm out. "Just go home, feed Steve, play your piano, and get some sleep..."
House slammed the door on his way out and Wilson sighed, rubbing his head. For all that people thought that House liked to take the easy way out of things, the truth was he did anything but. And for the first time in a long time, House would have to live with the consequences for a decision he made for someone else. It was a responsibility that House wasn't used to. He hadn't liked it when he felt responsible for Foreman becoming ill. He'd done everything possible and then some to try and fix it. Beat himself up over it in private. Speaking of...
After a moment, Wilson picked up the phone and dialed a few numbers. "Dr. Foreman? This is Dr. Wilson. Is there a chance you and I could have a little chat some time soon? When? Wonderful. I'll see you then."
Wilson sucked in a deep breath as he hung up and then let it out slowly. He had a feeling that Chase and House wouldn't be too thrilled with him, but it was for the best. They could just 'deal' with it later.
Technically, Chase was still his patient. And he could call in a consult if he wanted or needed to.
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