Doc code 1278803-4576b

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Entry 29-

I cannot think of a time I have ever been so painfully embarrassed. Perhaps the accidental overdose incident that landed me in sickbay some weeks previous comes close. But walking into the VR chamber without a Legion flight ring because Imra was nowhere to be found was definitely excruciating. Bad enough that I already feel painfully superfluous around other Legionnaires. Now, in training, I must appear superfluous because apparently I do not warrant enough attention to acquire a legion flight ring, a ring that I myself invented. If I do not get the flight ring within the next day I will make myself one. I know the process, it is not difficult, and I refuse to be embarrassed again.

I feel ill just remembering. The jetpack is nearly silent, but not so near-silent that it cannot be heard, particularly before the battle begins. I swear the entire team was staring at me. Also apparently it is difficult to work alongside the clone of a genius, since none of my teammates would speak to me. I do not understand what it is about myself that makes them feel as though they should not speak to me. They speak to Brainiac without issue. What is it that makes me so difficult to engage in conversation? My duality? My biology? Brainiac has a double. Brainiac has different biology from myself. Why must I be the 'odd one out'?

The entire training session was, for me, an exercise in futility. The only good thing I can say about it is that Lyle acknowledged me briefly, saying "Nice suit," and nodding his head once in approval. So it appears my aesthetic taste has not deserted me.

Lyle, Karate Kid, Star Boy, Sun Boy, Timberwolf and I began the training session with little incident, aside from my keen embarrassment at needing to use my jetpack rather than using a flight ring that should have been provided weeks ago. I felt everyone's eyes follow me as I gently nudged my way over to Lyle to engage him quietly.

"I must apologize in advance," I said quietly, not liking how the others appeared to be straining to hear what I was saying while simultaneously feigning indifference to the interaction between Lyle and myself.

Lyle's eyebrows jumped towards his hairline, his forehead bunching into several creases. "Oh?" he said, "what for?"

"I have not had occasion to adequately test this suit. Should it fail catastrophically, you will be caught in yet another experiment failure this week."

Lyle barked one sharp laugh at this. "Oh is that all," he said, sounding relieved. "If my nerves couldn't handle a few botched experiments I don't deserve to call myself a scientist," he assured me. "But for your sake, let's hope this one doesn't – how did you put it – fail catastrophically?"

I nodded.

He clapped a hand on my shoulder, squeezing it lightly. "Looks like the session's about to start," he commented. "Good luck," he said somewhat absently, then chuckled at the look on my face. I was not impressed with his referencing a nonexistent old earth superstition, and it showed. "All right, how about this? I hope you make it through with your suit intact and functional."

"Thank you," I said. "I will do my best."

"You always do," Lyle commented absently as he moved off, shimmering out of the visual spectrum as he went.

I did not have time to ask him what he meant by that before the simulation began. The simulation provided targets to destroy and weapons fire to dodge as a basic training for field tactics to be employed when encountering hostiles. At first I hung back, as I was unsure of the accuracy that my targeting system possessed, and I was a bit concerned with the friendly fire protocols. The others were attacking furiously, so I took a moment to stand back and analyze the attack pattern, which initially appeared disjointed but upon further inspection indicated that an ambush was waiting for the legionnaires once they cleared a certain level of terrain.

I attempted shouting, but from my vantage I could not be heard and I did not have a flight ring, which is also used as a communicator. Frustrated, I decided that the alternative was to use my force field to defend the legionnaires that were about to blunder into a VR simulation's trap. Although it was merely a simulation, I was hoping to gain my teammate's trust by rescuing them.

I continued shouting as I flew over, dodging the laser blasts as best I could, unwilling to activate my shield until I was well within range. I was unsure as to how long the shield would last if I expanded it to defend more than just myself and I also did not want to give the COMPUTO's simulator time to conjure up an alternative that would leave me looking even more pathetic than I had at the outset of the training session.

Not a single legionnaire acknowledged my shouts, though admittedly I am unsure they could have heard me over the din of laser cannons and simulated explosions. I was able to duck under the last of the fire and skid to a halt alongside Karate Kid just as he entered the target zone for the simulated ambush that lay in wait.

Karate Kid glanced at me in confusion.

"Ambush," I shouted, having too much adrenaline rushing through my system to communicate like an intelligent individual. I mentally activated the force-shield to envelope nearby Legionnaires, and less than one second later (it was about 15 milliseconds, I believe) the laser fire began hailing down from what appeared to be all sides, though it was effectively blocked by my force shield. The few legionnaires who had remained farther back were able to go in behind the ambush in the momentary confusion caused by my force field and strike back.

The simulation ended moments later, and I dropped my force field, my breathing still slightly unsteady. To my surprise and dismay, not one of my teammates so much as thanked me. I could recall many times I had done less and yet had received effusive grateful comments for my efforts. This time, I had effectively saved half an away team and not one of them so much as patted my shoulder or even looked in my direction as they filtered towards the door to exit the simulation chamber.

I felt terribly lost. What had I done wrong?

Lyle shimmered into view beside me. "You have a force field?" he asked, sounding impressed.

"It is Coluan technology," I replied, all the answer I thought would be necessary.

"Cool," he said after a long moment. "I don't think they were expecting that."

"Do they expect me to be able to speak with computers?" I asked miserably. "Or fly? Or have enhanced strength and vision?"

Lyle's eyebrows raised again. "You have enhanced vision and strength?"

I gestured to the suit. "It is not merely for aesthetic appeal," I said slowly. "I want to be able to contribute effectively to away missions."

Lyle nodded slowly in understanding. "When..." he shook his head, appearing confused. "You invented all this?"

"I did not invent the force field, I merely invented a process that would enable the force field to be externally activated, as most Coluans posess it as a built-in self-defense mechanism," I gestured to myself, "I am not most Coluans."

Lyle chuckled a little at that. "No, I don't think you are," he agreed amiably. "And the vision? Strength?"

"The suit enhances my strength via the nervous system," I explained briefly, "The vision is not yet completed, but they will be simple eye inserts that I may have surgically implanted by Doctor Gym'll if all goes well in early trials. Until then I will apply them manually."

Lyle shook his head slowly, a look of wonder on his face. "How long did this take you?"

"I designed the AMESS and related equipment en route to new metropolis and began construction once I arrived in the city," I answered.

Lyle blinked. "Wait. But you only got here…" he counted mentally, ticking the number on his fingers. "Four months ago?"

I nodded.

"You made all this," he gestured to my suit, "in four months?"

"I designed it en route," I repeated myself. "all that was required was the construction and testing of the equipment," I said, sounding somewhat defensive though I am unsure why I felt the need to use a defensive tone.

"I keep having to remind myself you're a genius," Lyle muttered. "I thought I was a genius, all these years…" he shook his head. "Keep up the good work," he said after a moment. "and why don't you have a flight ring?"

"To be honest, I have no idea," I told him.

My tone of voice must have belied my frustration and confusion because Lyle gave me an encouraging look. "You should go talk to Imra. She's been really busy lately, she probably has it sitting on her desk under a pile of omnicoms or something."

I nodded slowly. "I think I will."

"Don't think, do." Lyle chuckled after a moment, thinking of something funny. "Better yet, do both." He patted my shoulder as he moved to the door of the simulation chamber. "See you around, Querl."

I am unsure what this interaction means. I am unsure of what my fellow teammates' reaction to my force field means.

More than anything I remember this event with embarrassment and mental anguish, but upon a deeper reflection… Perhaps Lyle and I could become closer friends? He seems to admire my intellect, and yet does not appear to see me as so intelligent as to be unapproachable. Also, he said 'see you around', which implies that he is at least anticipating seeing me at a later date, if not also engaging me in conversation and interacting on a more regular basis.

There is still much that I wish I could change about the day's events, but having completed this reflection, perhaps not all was as terrible as I first believed it to be.

I am still concerned as to why my having force fields would be so disconcerting for my teammates. Perhaps I will bring it up with Imra when I go speak to her about my flight ring. If for no other reason, I need it to communicate effectively with my teammates. As this training session indicated, shouting is not a viable alternative.

If I do not get a flight ring, perhaps I could create a device to hack the signal and allow me to communicate without a flight ring, or even listen in on other communications. On the other hand, this is a serious breach of privacy and I suspect an action that would not be considered favorably by my fellow legionnaires. As I am still technically on probation, this seems to be a very drastic measure that I will likely not indulge any time in the near future.

I suppose, then, the next step I must take is to acquire my flight ring from Imra. Perhaps I will do so now, before I lose my nerve.


A/N: Ahahahahahahhaha update every month hahahahhahaha *cries* I'm so sorry i didn't keep my promise, but i finally have internet access that works with my laptop here in Japan and now I'm finally getting back to writing and updating this story I'm so so sorry for the delay and I hope to update again next month and again from then on. Thanks for being patient readers and I'm sorry, again...