A/N: So... more Heritage! I know, I know, I haven't updated anything else in FOREVER, but... I don't know, Heritage has just kind of caught my imagination recently. Anyway. I can't do my usual huge note this week, because my housemate is making increasingly impatient noises about going out (what is this 'outside' nonsense?) but thank you for all your reviews, and like Hailey said - you all know how much I love you anyway :)
I hope you all like this chapter, and please send me a review to let me know what you think!
I can't believe this is happening.
Elliot was sitting on the edge of Olivia's bed, stroking her hair and waiting nervously for the sonographer to arrive.
I can't believe this is happening.
I can't believe this is happening.
'Liv...' He sighed, leaned down and kissed her forehead. 'Liv, why didn't you tell me?'
More to the point, Elliot, why the hell didn't you notice?
I don't know... Elliot shook his head, leaning forward to rest his hand on her stomach. I really don't know...
Pregnancy's not exactly a subtle condition, Elliot.
Yes, but it's not like I ever really saw her naked, and yes, I'd noticed she was a little larger when I cuddled her at night, but I just thought she was putting some weight back on at last, I mean, she was so thin before, and it's not like she's huge now, there's only a small bump, hell, Cragen looks more pregnant than she does...
Elliot, you suck at excuses.
I know. I know I do.
Almost as much as you suck at being a boyfriend.
No, that's not fair, I take care of her, I look after her, I make her feel safe...
Obviously not safe enough that she'd tell you that she was pregnant.
He just shook his head.
Why?
Why didn't she just tell me?
Maybe she didn't think you'd understand.
Elliot bit his lip and started to stroke Olivia's hair. But of course, of course I understand...
Do you?
Elliot cleared his throat. 'Liv... uh...hmm... uh...' He trailed off into silence. Shit. 'Uh...'
Wow. You're very eloquent today, Elliot. When you're done here, maybe you can go write the next great American novel in that notebook thing Dr Olivet gave you.
Elliot rolled his eyes. Well, I don't know what the fuck to say!
Yes you do.
You're just afraid to say it.
Elliot swallowed awkwardly. 'Liv, I... I love you.' He leaned down and kissed her forehead, stroking the palm of her hand with his thumb. 'I love you, I do, more than anything, and... and...' He sighed. 'And I'm not going anywhere, I promise.'
Of course I'm not going anywhere.
Did she think I would?
Did she really think I would leave her if she told me she was pregnant?
'Liv, I don't know if... if you were scared to tell me because you knew it wasn't mine, or if it was because you didn't know whose it was, but I don't care. Really, I don't.' Elliot smiled a little and squeezed her hand. 'This is our child, Liv. I'm going to look after both of you. Not because I have to, but because I want to.' He squeezed her hand. 'I'm not going to up and leave you, Liv, I promise, and I know that you know that, deep down...'
How do you know that, Elliot?
Well, because... because...
Elliot swallowed.
Because she has to.
She knows how much I love her.
How could I ever leave her?
I couldn't.
I couldn't live without her.
I'd rather die.
Wow. Talk about melodrama, Elliot. Forget the novel, go write for 'Days of Our Lives.' You'll be set for life.
But it's true. Elliot sighed. Melodrama or not, it's still true. 'I hope you know how much I love you, Liv.' He smiled again. 'And even though I've only known about our son for maybe a half hour or so, and I haven't even seen him yet, I already love him too, and I can't wait to meet him.' He raised her hand to his lips and kissed it. 'It sounds really stupid, I know, but I'm already thinking about names and planning how to turn my study into a nursery.'
Study's kind of a strong word for 'room with boxes of books and an old table', Elliot.
Come on, I work in there... Elliot squirmed uncomfortably. I mean, yeah, not all the time, but, you know, sometimes I do...
The time you sat in there for two hours because there was a huge wasp in the kitchen doesn't count, Elliot.
Oh, for fuck's sake... Elliot rolled his eyes. You make it sound like I was hiding or something. 'Look, Liv, what I'm trying to say is... I love you. I love you more than anything. Finding out that you were pregnant, it... it's made one of the worst days of my life into one of the best, and while I know the circumstances aren't perfect, and I understand how difficult you might find this, that's what I'm here for.' He smiled and kissed her. 'Night feeds, school PTA meetings, Little League, girl problems... just ask, Liv, and I'll do everything I can to help. Really.' He squeezed her hand. 'I want to help raise my son, Liv.'
She knows that.
Of course she knows that.
She has to know that.
Elliot sighed. 'Liv... Liv, I just wish-'
What, Elliot? What do you wish?
He bit his lip.
I... I...
Shit.
His phone was ringing.
For fuck's sake, I don't have time for this...
He felt a burst of irritation, yanking the phone roughly out of his pocket to look at the caller ID.
Alex. Again.
He clenched his fists.
For fuck's sake...
Why can't she just leave me the fuck alone?
Can't that fucking appeal wait until tomorrow?
He gritted his teeth and flipped the phone open. This better be fucking good. 'Stabler.'
'Elliot-' He heard Alex clear her throat. 'Elliot, it's me.'
No shit. Elliot rolled his eyes.'Look, I'm sorry, Alex, but now really isn't a good time to discuss the Meyers appeal.'
'No, Elliot, that's not why I'm calling, it's... I... uh...' He heard Alex hesitate. 'Is... is Liv OK?'
What? Elliot felt a twinge of unease. 'Why, uh... why wouldn't she be OK?' This isn't that weird 'psychic link' thing you and Liv go on about when you're drunk, is it? Because I really don't think getting a weird itch around the time your friend got stabbed counts as proof of a psychic connection-
'I...' He could hear Alex chewing on her lip. 'I got a really odd voicemail message from her while I was in court this morning, and she sounded...she sounded as if...' She took a deep breath. 'Elliot, I've been trying to call her for hours, and she won't answer. Is she OK?'
Not really, no. 'Well, uh... she...' Elliot trailed off. 'Uh...'
What the fuck do I tell her?
Should I tell her the truth?
Would Liv want me to tell her the truth?
It's Alex, of course she'd want me to tell her the truth.
'She...' Elliot swallowed uncomfortably. 'Alex, she...'
Wait.
A thought suddenly struck him.
Did Alex know?
Did Liv tell her about the babies?
Oh God, does Alex know who the father is?
You have to ask, Elliot.
You have to.
Yes. Yes, I do. He took a deep breath. 'Alex, did Liv tell you that she was pregnant?' There was a long silence at the other end of the line, and he cleared his throat. 'Alex?'
'No, Elliot.' He heard Alex sigh quietly. 'No, she didn't.'
Elliot's heart sank. Shit. 'Well, uh...' He bit his lip, suddenly terrified that he was about to cry again. 'She was, well, she is, she was going to have twins, but... but...' His voice caught in his throat and he cursed himself. For once, you asshole, don't make this all about you. We both know that's the reason this whole nightmare happened in the first place. 'Alex, she... she tried to kill herself, and-'
'She what?' Alex gasped. 'Oh my God, Elliot, I-'
Oh, for the love of- Elliot felt an inexplicable burst of impatience at her. Do you really think I've got time to listen to you having a breakdown right now? 'Look, it's OK, she's going to be fine, I mean, she's still unconscious but she's going to live, but... but...' Oh God... 'Alex, she lost one of the babies.' He shook his head blankly, tears running down his face. 'She lost our daughter.'
There was another long silence, and then Alex cleared her throat. 'How many weeks was she?'
What? Elliot frowned. 'Alex-'
'You slept with her right after she was raped, didn't you?'
Elliot felt an unpleasant pang of shame. Come on, you don't have to put it like that... 'Well, yes, I-'
Alex cut him off. 'When?'
What is this, Twenty Questions? 'Alex, I really don't think-'
'It's important, Elliot. How long ago did you two sleep together?'
Oh, just humour her. 'Uh... about...' Elliot counted up the weeks in his head. 'About five or six months ago, I think, but-'
'Is that when she got pregnant?'
I wish. 'I... I don't know.' Elliot sighed. 'She didn't tell me.'
'But she's not had sex with anyone else since then?'
The fuck? Elliot's jaw dropped. 'No, of course not!' Why are you doing this?
'And you haven't slept with her again?'
'No.' Elliot glanced down at Olivia and squeezed her hand. 'No, I haven't.'
'Then she's over 24 weeks.' A calm, professional tone had come into Alex's voice. 'Thank you, Elliot.'
'That's OK, Alex, but I can't see how it would matter, I mean, the doctor said there was nothing they could have done...'
'It matters because I'm going to up the charges to include one count of murder in the first degree and three counts of attempted murder in the first degree.'
You... what? Elliot blinked. 'But Alex, you can't-'
'Watch me.'
'But Alex-' Elliot heard a sharp click on the other end of the line. What the- 'Alex? Alex?' He frowned. Did she just hang up on me? 'Alex, what-'
'Sir?'
Elliot looked up to see a nurse wheeling a large monitor and ultrasound machine into the room on a trolley. Finally. 'Yes?'
'Dr Quinn requested an urgent ultrasound for-' She looked at a chart. 'Olivia Benson?'
'Uh, yeah.' Elliot stuffed his phone quickly back into his pocket and nodded at Olivia. 'She's asleep right now, but-'
'Don't worry, Dr Quinn explained the situation to me, Mr...' The nurse looked at him questioningly. 'Mr...?'
Oh, right. Elliot mentally kicked himself. Idiot. 'Stabler.' He swallowed awkwardly. 'Elliot Stabler.'
The nurse smiled politely. 'Nice to meet you, Mr Stabler.' She laughed, turning to set up the machine. 'Sorry to put you on the spot like that, but you don't like to just assume these days, do you, and I wouldn't want to go making things awkward by calling you by the wrong name the whole time!'
Elliot smiled a little, moving from the bed to the chair to allow the nurse to pull the blankets down to Olivia's hips. 'Yeah, I made that mistake a few times myself when I was starting out.' It was especially awkward when it turned out the woman I assumed was his wife was actually the local hooker. He smiled to himself and squeezed Olivia's hand. 'Liv's my girlfriend, but I'm hoping we'll get married before she has the babies.'
'Well, that's lovely.' The nurse finished setting up the machine and reached for the tube of gel. 'Do you have a date set yet?'
If only. 'No.' Elliot laughed. 'No, I still have to persuade Liv to let me marry her at all.'
'Ah, I see.' The nurse laughed, spread the gel on Olivia's stomach and turned on the monitor. 'So. Are you excited to see your son?'
'Yes.' Elliot smiled, feeling a twinge of genuine excitement. 'Yes, I am.'
'Great.' The nurse leaned forwards and pressed the probe into Olivia's stomach. 'OK, if you'll just give me a moment...' She frowned thoughtfully, moving the probe around on the screen. 'Ah, here we go.' She stepped back a little, gesturing at the screen. 'There's your baby.'
'Oh, wow.' Elliot tightened his grip on Olivia's hand, shaking his head in disbelief. 'Oh my God...'
'There's his heartbeat.' The nurse pointed at the screen. 'It's good and strong, so there's no reason to worry about that.'
'Mmmm.' Elliot kept stroking Olivia's hand, unable to take his eyes off the screen. Oh my God. I can't believe this is happening. 'How many-' He bit his lip. 'How many weeks is she?'
The nurse sighed. 'Well, it's hard to tell after the first few months, babies grow at such different rates, but... given what I've seen on her chart, I'm going to guess roughly somewhere between 25 and 30 weeks.'
Elliot frowned thoughtfully.
25 to 30 weeks...
Then-
His heart sank.
Shit.
No, it could still be me.
It's close, but it could still be me.
He cleared his throat. 'Are... are you sure?'
'As sure as I can be.' The nurse turned back to the screen, still moving the probe around Olivia's stomach. 'He's a strong, healthy baby, Mr Stabler. You and your girlfriend really have nothing to worry about.'
'Yes, but...' Elliot shook his head in disbelief. 'I can't believe she's so far along... she's not even showing that much, I mean, I thought she was just putting a bit of weight back on...' You could be wrong, just tell me she's definitely 25 weeks, please...
The nurse shrugged. 'Some women don't, especially when they're carrying the baby upright against her spine like she is.' She grinned. 'Time flies, huh?'
'Yeah.' Elliot was still staring at the monitor, stroking the palm of Olivia's hand with his thumb. 'Yeah, it does.' Don't worry, Elliot. It could just be a big baby. You were a big baby, and so were all your other children. It could still be yours. He squeezed Olivia's hand, breaking into a wide smile as he watched the baby moving on the screen. 'Oh, wow...'
The nurse smiled and pointed at the monitor. 'Your son is sucking his thumb.'
'I know, I can see.' Elliot smiled. He's sucking his thumb. He raised Olivia's hand to his lips and kissed it. My son is sucking his thumb... 'He's beautiful.'
'And perfectly healthy.' The nurse smiled again. 'Feel better now?'
'Yes.' Elliot nodded. 'Yes, I do.' He took a deep breath and pointed at the other shape on the screen. 'Is that-' Fuck, don't cry. 'Is that his sister?'
'Yes.' The nurse sighed. 'Yes, it is, I'm so sorry...'
'That's-' Elliot swallowed awkwardly, suddenly horribly aware that he was about to cry. Shit. Shit. 'That's OK, I mean, it's not like I ever got to know her.' You can cry about this later, Elliot. This isn't about you, it's about Liv.
The nurse gave him a look. 'Mr Stabler, I've been doing this for almost twenty-five years, and something like this is never, ever easy, even for me.' She smiled sympathetically. 'I cannot imagine what you're going through right now, but I can give you some numbers for groups that might be able to help.'
SHUT UP! Elliot gritted his teeth, pushing down an odd feeling of panicked impatience. I really, really don't want to talk about this right now. He cleared his throat uncomfortably, staring at the screen. 'Look, he's kicking.'
'Yes, Sir.' The nurse sighed a little and started moving the probe again. 'Yes, he is.'
A/N: What did you think? Did you like it? Please send me a review and let me know!
