A/N: trigger warning. Big girl panties will be needed for this chapter. Really big panties. And chocolate. Possibly some wine.
Edward POV
One year ago today, Bella left the house for the last time. The others tried to distract me, keep my mind off what this day meant, but I couldn't take it. I wanted to remember.
Unable to be around them any longer, I ran to the one place that belonged only to Bella and me. So much has changed since she first brought me here, but the place was exactly the same. Purple, white, and yellow flowers dotted the grass. It looked just like it had when I saw Bella in the sun for the first time. My sunrise over the lake.
I lay down on the same spot we had before, though my brilliant angel wasn't next to me this time. The sun warmed my face as I let the memories of that day wash over me. The remembrance of that has always been my happy place since then; the place I escape to when the outside becomes too much to bear. My thoughts flew to this meadow as James broke my bones, and I found some solace in thinking I'd been so happy once.
I curled on my side, trying to keep the despair at bay, and let my mind flood with thoughts of Bella shining in the sun, Bella smiling widely at the sight of me, Bella's skin against mine as we kissed as if it were the last time.
True to what she would have wanted for me, I stayed strong and didn't do anything crazy like last time we parted. Every day is a challenge to remain sane—every day my heart begs me for it to be the last—but there's nothing I won't do for her, even now. I hang on to the hope that I'll see her again someday. As I lay there surrounded by the little flowers, I allowed myself to dream of the next time she'd come here with me. My eyes slid closed and a small smile played on my lips as I imagined the day I'd see her sparkle in this very place once again.
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Bella POV
My "sparring" session had been interrupted by Heidi's providential arrival with the guard's meal, but now that the carnage was over and the bodies cleared away, the time had come. Of course Aro wouldn't forget. Perhaps he even orchestrated the situation so that this would happen with the entire coven present in the throne room. This had been no ordinary feeding, though. The inner guard itself was comprised of twelve members—thirteen, after my addition, and we usually fed separately. This time, the entirety of the Volturi clan was present, all 384 of them.
He and Caius settled in their high-backed chairs—Marcus never left his seat during the feeding. Chelsea, Alec, Renata, and the remainder of the elite guard stood behind them. Aro waved a hand to Jane. "Now that we are fed and watered, we could use a little sport." The rest of the foot soldiers began to make their way out of the throne chamber, but Aro stopped them. "Stay for a spell, dear ones. You have always been faithful members of our family and shouldn't miss out on the fun." They turned around, startled, but dutifully took places lining the wall all around the enormous room so the center would remain clear.
I stood in the center of the chamber, stock-still, as Jane sauntered forward, her child-like face failing to convey the threat she presumed to pose.
Realization hit me then. There were three teams of us who were sent on search and destroy missions. Sebastian was always partnered with me. While Demetri always accompanied us for his tracking abilities, he floated among the other groups as necessary. Very few of them knew the full extent of my powers, and it has come the time for Aro to show it to them, not only as someone to fear, mas as the reason why I was to replace Jane.
"Oh, and dears?" Aro called from his seat, "no powers."
So he not only wanted me to kill Jane, he wanted to prove my superiority to her in every way, and he did mean for the coven to see it. This sparring session was merely a ruse. I knew of Aro's intentions because Carlisle had told me once of Aro's methods to compose his higher-ranked guard. He doesn't add to it. He upgrades. If I failed to best Jane and she killed me, then I was no real loss.
Jane's power had never worked on me anyway, so this rule of engagement meant nothing to me. The inability to use mine on hers, however, proved a handicap to me, but nothing I found worrisome. Jane had always been much too arrogant to deign to train in hand-to-hand combat. She had always relied on her gift, and it had never failed her. I was no seasoned warrior, either, but I had an advantage over her.
Jane wouldn't really be able to hurt me. Much too dangerous dangerous to her, I had rage. Unspeakable rage. The memory of her attempt to use her power on Edward filled me with such fury, I longed to shred her to chippings. Killing her was not enough. I wanted her to suffer.
I unclasped my cloak and tossed it aside, and Jane, eyeing the inky black of mine, did the same to her charcoal-gray one once she stood a foot away from me.
"You may begin," Aro said.
At first, Jane didn't move. She fixed her malicious, hateful eyes on mine, her brow creasing with concentration.
I rolled my eyes as I said, "Jane, did you not hear Aro? No powers. Besides, what makes you think your pathetic little gift would work on me now when it never has before?"
She shrieked and lunged at me, which I dodged as I circled to stand behind her and pin her in a headlock, my hand poised at her chin, ready to rend her head from her body. Her being shorter than me made this move almost too easy. I could end this now, but Aro wanted sport. I would give him a good show.
Jane screamed in fear as I pulled on her chin, the left side of her neck beginning to crack. I caught Alec's grimace of distress at his sister being in danger, and I pulled a little harder. Felix leaned forward as though anticipating to join in.
I stopped halfway and rammed my knee against her back, sending her flying against the opposite wall where her head broke off a chunk of stone.
She jumped to her feet and growled, running at me recklessly as though she had no real plan of where to attack next.
Are you all right? Were you hurt? Did you feel anything? These were the words I spoke to Edward the moment Eleazar called Jane off.
The memory of that day in Alaska when she tried to hurt my Edward ran unbidden through my mind. With a roar of my own, I ran to meet her assault, our bodies colliding, a sound like a clap of thunder echoing through the round, stone room.
She managed to take the upper hand this time, grasping my left arm and pinning it behind me while she twirled her hand in my long hair. "Not so fearsome now, are you, Bella?" she hissed in my ear with a venomous voice. I allowed her a moment to think she had bested me before I swept my right left behind and sent her crashing to the floor. She let go of my hair, but kept her hold on my arm. I used this leverage to straddle her and cup her entire face with my hand as though I meant to crush it beneath my fingers. Meanwhile, she curled her short left leg around my midriff and threw me off her, both of us gaining a standing position at the same time.
This flip flop of upper hand went on for quite some time until Aro gave an affected yawn and waved a careless hand towards us. "I grow weary of this. I rescind my rule of no usage of powers." Aro's bored expression bore into mine, though serious like I have never seen it before. Finish her.
Behind him, Alec let out a wail of despair and began to hurl himself forward to defend his twin. Aro raised a hand to stop him and snarled, "Hold your position and tongue, child." Alec did, but continued to whimper softly. As much as I despised his vile sister, she was still his sister, and I felt remorse over the anguish I was about to deliver him.
"And Bella?" Aro turned to me with a wicked smile. "Give us fireworks." He meant her death to be terrorizing, slow, agonizing. A warning to any he who dared defy him.
At present, Jane had been straddling my back, doing her best to pull head off my shoulders. At Aro's orders, I encased her in my shield and slammed her against the same spot I did the first time. Every visible part of her skin showed deep cracks from the impact. Slowly, I guided her with my hands to the center of the room, locked and unmoving, minutely increasing the heat with the shield, the crack on my chest beginning to split and widen, the incandescent heat within it shining through the plain black silk shirt I wore.
The shrieks of fear and pain—even if they were Jane's—still tore at my heart, but I had my orders. Aro wanted the guard to watch in minute detail what happened when I fully deployed my powers for destruction.
She screamed endlessly, a sound of utter anguish that begged the pain to stop, a pain worse than the fires of our change as her flesh began to bubble and melt like wax over an open flame until small spots of actual fire appeared and skittered over her skin. The flames became larger and larger, engulfing her in a scorching inferno; I felt every bit of it with her, the fire within me warring against my shield. With one last cry of agony and despair—"Alec!"—she incandesced and spoke no more. I sank to my knees and her ashes gently floated to the ground before me.
As I rubbed the center of my chest, right above my sternum, seeking to assuage the pain before my gash knitted itself shut, I cut my eyes to Alec, hoping he could see in them the sorrow I felt for having been made to do this. He nodded at me once, understanding what was expected of us, but no less comforted for it.
I stood up and walked to face Aro. "Are you entertained now?" My every word was a growl, and I didn't care.
"Not nearly." Aro gave me a cat smile that made me want to burn him where he stood, but I could not yet do that. Not with nearly four hundred vampires loyal to him present. "Felix," he called without taking his eyes off mine. "Why don't you play with our graceful Isabella now? But this time, I'll allow her her powers. It wouldn't be fair to pit her delicate frame against your unparalleled strength. But bear in mind, Isabella. Just spar. No killing."
If only he had not added that final caveat.
Felix wasted no time in running at me while I stood still, unmoving. My skin was coated in my filmy shield, and as he landed a massive punch to my face that would have perforated a three-foot titanium bank safe door, it didn't even make me move. It did, however, crack every one of his knuckles, and him jumping in place holding his injured hand, yelling, "Son of a bitch!" did draw a smile from me.
As brawny as he was stupid, Felix didn't give up. He ran at me again, full tilt ahead, but this time I erected a wall a few feet away from me, into which he slammed with such force that a deep crack appeared in the center of his forehead.
"My turn to have some fun," I said, as I encased him in the shield in such a manner that he couldn't even blink. Guiding the object within the shield with my hand, I pretended he was the bulldozer Eleazar made me practice with and waved him around the room, smashing him into the walls, the floors, even the ceiling. Before Aro announced it was enough, not an inch of Felix's body was crack-free. Nothing fatal, but it would take hours to heal and hurt all the while.
"Any more demonstrations today, Aro?" I asked, refastening my cloak around my neck.
"I think we've had enough excitement for today, my dearest." To the room at large, he announced, "Where Jane was weak, Isabella is a titan. And do we accept in our guard anything less?"
The sycophantic guard answered in unison—the tone of the brainwashed. "No, master!"
Aro's smile was beatific. "Dismissed."
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Aro demonstrating the extent of my powers to the entirety of the coven placed me at a disadvantage. Now they knew precisely the scope of my gift, but there had been no way around that. My only way out of here would be to practice, to train, to become strong enough to fight them all and win. At my present skill level, I could only effectively take on a few at a time.
And so, I plotted.
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Edward POV
Over time, I was able to control my despair over being parted from Bella—I could have a better hold on it now as a vampire than I did before as a human, but only just, and moved back to the main house. It took months before the family regain some semblance of normalcy. Everyone went back to their usual activities, but in a more subdued manner. All the joy had been drained out of us.
Alice and I still took to sit on the porch steps sometimes, our temples leaning against each other's, waiting. We knew the wait was in vain. How many months had it been? I refused to think of it in years. But we still hoped. We still waited. It was time for us to move. Carlisle had been at the hospital too long and his lack of aging would start eliciting questions soon, but we refused to leave. Not one of us ever lost hope that Bella would come back, and how would she find us if we left?
Alice, Jasper, and I sometimes sat in the attic and schemed for hours, trying to find ways to bring her home. We never came up with a plan that would actually work, but we still did it, if only to pretend we were doing something about it.
"No, Jasper, we can't simply grab her in the middle of the night and run off. Do you they wouldn't miss her? Besides, Carlisle has told us. They have a tracker. They'd find us before we even made it out of Italy, and she would be in even more danger." He meant well, but strategy has never been his strong suit.
Alice piped in. "What if—"but I cut her off, having seen the plain in her mind before she spoke it.
"Won't work either. Too many of them."
And so we sat by the hour, coming up with useless plans, but we couldn't bring ourselves to just let it go.
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Bella POV
Aro was eager to see my powers expand. An unlikely guide, he assigned Demetri to assist me in my training. The choice pleased me. Of all the elite Volturi guard, he was the only one that didn't repulse me on sight.
One afternoon, Demetri and I were deep in a heavily wooded and deserted part of Tuscany to practice the one side of my power I had never been able to fully master—simultaneous offense and defense: shield some while burning others. It was slow-going work. The task required immense amounts of concentration, even for a vampire brain, and it was dauntingly difficult. I was making marked improvement, but it was still a work in progress. I had a long way to go until I was ready.
After hours of burning swatches of forest with spotted success, we took a break and ran to the less respectable part of Arezzo to feed. It still ached to feed off humans, but I had become somewhat desensitized. It was the norm now after so long. Would I ever adapt to a vegetarian diet again? Feeding off humans was infinitely more satisfying than animals, physiologically speaking. My heart and my soul still bled for the taking of each human life, though. I doubted think this regret would ever go away.
We sat in companionable silence atop a tower of a centuries-old abandoned castle, admiring the sun sinking into the horizon.
"I know what you're planning, Isabella," Demetri said after a few hours, breaking the silence. Night had fallen long before now.
My whole body tensed, but my face gave nothing away. "What do you mean?" I asked, feigning innocence.
"You want out. You want to go home." He turned his face to me with a sideways, knowing smirk. He didn't sound chastising, but rather conspiratorial.
"How could you possibly know that?" I strained to maintain my innocent façade.
"I'm a tracker, in case you forgot. I find people through the pull of their minds, their hearts. Where they want to be, that is where I'll find them, and I always do. Your mind pulls you home daily." He stared at the full moon as he explained how his gift worked. In all this time, I had never known. No one had ever suspected of my plans, but Demetri knew.
I swallowed hard. "How long have you known this?"
He chuckled as though I'd asked him if water was wet. "I've know from the day you arrived, Isabella."
I was sick with fear. If he reported this to Aro, he would know Chelsea's influence never worked on me. "Why have you never told Aro this?"
Demetri continued to stare at the moon in silence, pondering his answer. "I, too, was ripped from my family for my talent. The difference between you and I is that I was human at the time, and I had no family to go back to." The smile he gave me was sad. So sad.
My heart broke for him. The Volturi had made sure he had nowhere else to go. They were all killed, but in my case, Aro didn't want to make the rash decision of exterminating my family, not with three other highly gifted members.
I put an arm around his shoulders and pulled him closer to me. "I'm so sorry, Dem. If anyone understands what it's like to lose a family, it's me. And what is worse, I know what it's like to lose a mate."
He patted my hand and leaned his head on my shoulder, his eyes never leaving the full, pearlescent moon.
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In Demetri, I found an unlikely ally. We often sat atop the highest tower in the Volturi castle at night, amidst the grotesque gargoyles, and talked. He spoke of the family he struggled in the beginning to never forget, and I spoke of my family, and most of all, my Edward. We assuaged each other's pain by talking about the loved ones we lost.
Demetri was laughing so hard at the story of when I first took Edward to our meadow he nearly toppled over the top of the tower.
"So there was this huge tree trunk in our way, and while I could simply hop over it, he adamantly refused my help for a while, wanting to try for himself. After thirty minutes and a lot off sweating, he decided to let me help. I held out a hand for him to set his foot on so I could lift him to the top of the trunk. I misjudged my strength and tossed him straight over it, and he landed bottom down on a pile of leaves." While I felt so bad thinking I'd hurt him, his startled face was priceless. The memory of that walk never failed to bring a smile to my lips and a measure of lightness to my heart.
Demetri howled with laughter. "I'd like to have seen that."
I shoved his shoulder with mine with a good-natured huff.
"I miss my destrier," Demetri said, out of the blue.
A destrier is a warhorse from medieval times. Large, tall, powerful, and fast, knights rode them into battle. It was not a breed, but a description—the most powerful, muscled, and fast warhorses earned the title of destrier.
"He was midnight black, furious and untamable. No one could go near him except for me. It took weeks to break him until he accepted my touch, but once he did, we were one. His name was Tempestatis. It means 'storm' in latin." Demetri fell silent, a far-away look in his eyes. "I was a knight and warrior in King John's court in the thirteenth century. In modern terms, he was a putz. Eleanor of Aquitaine, though. What a woman." His eyes closed and he slowly shook his head in appreciation at what I presumed to be pleasant memories. "She was a force to reckoned with."
"I'm afraid this is all way before my time, old man," I said with a smile.
He chuckled again. It was soothing to hear Demetri laugh. Out of all the Volturi, Demetri was different. He was a good man stuck in a bad position.
"Enough of this lollygagging. Back to practice, Isabella."
And back to practice we went.
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I had been in the library reading when I was summoned to the throne room. Alec slid open the solid oak door and said, "Isabella, Aro requests your presence." His voice held no animosity towards me, though he would have had every right to hate me, but even after all these months, he still mourned Jane, and he was yet to come out of the sorrow-filled state he was in. I wasn't sure he ever would, and my heart went out to him.
"Thank you, Alec. Please tell him I'm on my way."
He nodded once and left.
I adjusted my hood over my head before entering the room. I strode to the dais where the thrones were placed and addressed Aro. "What is your will?"
His grin reminded of the Joker in one of the Batman movies Edward forced me to watch—gleeful and evil. I heard heart beats. Odd.
"Bring them in," he called to Felix.
Corin followed Felix to a side chamber, and within a few seconds, they both came out, each clutching a human.
I recognized them right away.
Oh my god, no. Please, please, no. No!
Felix had Rosalie Masen by the arm. Her wide eyes were filled with terror and confusion, but she felt comforted somewhat when she saw me.
"Bella?" she cried, her voice a shrill of fear. "What is going on? What is this place?"
Felix licked the side of her face, and she screamed in terror.
I was burning with fury. "Aro, what is the meaning of this?"
"She is part of your family, is she not?" he asked.
"Yes. And you vowed to leave them alone. So again, what is she doing here, and is he doing here?" I pointed at Emmett whose eyes were glued to Rosalie, so afraid for what might happen to her he looked like he might puke.
"I'm a sentimentalist, Isabella, as you very well know."
No, I don't know that. I know you to be a sadistic demon.
"Families should stick together, and blood is thicker than water, wouldn't you agree?" Aro asked, holding a hand to his heart.
"What is your will?" I asked again through clenched teeth.
"Ay, there's the rub," the vile creature said, daring to quote Hamlet to me. "Felix here is enticed by her blood beyond words, but since she is your family, we thought we ought to give you a say in the matter. You can change her, or he can have his way with her and then drain her. The choice is yours. Felix is dying to ravage her, and when done, he wants to feed on her luscious blood."
Emmett screamed again, a wordless shriek of terror.
Is there a word superlative to evil?
Aro was trying to break me in every way possible. He was determined to kill everything good in me and turn me into an empty shell of hate like him.
Felix ran his disgusting tongue up and down her neck, and Emmett screamed in rage while Rose whimpered in horror.
The dilemma was untenable. If I let her die, what would I say to Edward one day when he found out I could have made her one of us but let her be violated and drained by a monster instead? And if I changed her, how could I explain stealing her life away from her?
"Give her to me," I said. My expression left no room for questioning. Felix looked forlorn as though I had taken his candy bar away, but he walked her to me and deposited her into my open arms.
He handed Rose to me, and she held on to me for dear life.
Felix asked, "What of the other?"
Aro shrugged. "Dispose of him."
Rage. Burning rage.
My shield shot out to encase Emmett before I made a conscious decision to do it. "You will do no such thing. You will not take Rose's mate." The authority in my voice took Aro aback.
Change her or let them feed on her. The answer was obvious.
As I leaned into her neck to give her the bite that would grant her immortality, I heard another sound.
A third heartbeat, fast and strong, coming from inside Rosalie's body. I hadn't picked up on it due to the tension of the situation before me. But it was there. One hundred and forty beats per minute, strong and healthy, with eager parents waiting to meet it.
Oh god.
In that moment, Aro accomplished turning me into a monster. Anything human-like and good I had in me was forever obliterated. I was no longer worthy of belonging to the Cullen family. I was as disgusting and vile as any of the Volturi.
Demetri stood behind Aro, his eyes fasted on me, a mask of pain, knowing what I would have to do.
Rosalie's head had been buried into my shoulder, hidden in my hair. I pulled her head back, gently, and looked into her sky-blue eyes that swum with fearful tears, caressing her porcelain skin, the same skin tone as my Edward's.
"Please, Rose, find it in your heart a way to ever forgive me someday, even though I shall never deserve it," I begged.
I sank my teeth into her jugular.
