Hey guys! Hope you all enjoyed the 100th episode! As much as I missed Finn, it was nice to see everyone together again. And the Quick parts were perfection! When Quinn said Rachel and Finn were soulmates I fanned so hard! And when Quinn chased Puck down the hall it was perfect! I hope we get some more of them next week, and some Klaine too!

Anyway, hope you guys enjoy this chapter. There was NO Finchel in the episode (except Finn's flashback) so I added in a Finchel mini plot. Hope you enjoy!

Chapter 29: Never Been Kissed

Finn sat in the hot tub of the locker room as Sam climed into the cold one next to his. "Dude. How do you stand that cold tub?" Finn asked.

"I'm used to cold showers dating Quinn," Sam said.

"Been there, dude," Finn said. Quinn never wanted to get too intimate when they were together. Rachel didn't want to have sex, but they still got pretty close. If he told Sam Rachel not having sex didn't bother him that much, Sam might make fun of him. "Actually, still there now, but how did we find the only two girls in high school that won't put out?"

"What do you do, though?" Sam asked.

Finn thought back to his days of dating Quinn. "Well, easy. I just think about the opposite of what I'm doing. When I was learning how to drive, I hit the mailman. I was so scared. I thought I'd killed him. He was fine, but it always gets me to cool down."

"I've never actually almost killed a civil servant before," Sam said.

"Well, you have to find something to be your own buzz kill," Finn told Sam. "You know, something that is total not hot."

Before Sam had a chance to respond, the boys heard Coach Beiste arguing with one of the guys on the team. "I don't care! If you're on this football team, you'll wear a cup, no exceptions!" Coach Beiste shouted.

"Hey, have you ever noticed that when the Beiste gets all fired up, her underpants go right up her butt?" Finn asked Sam.

Sam looked at Coach Beiste. "Looks like I've found my mailman."

Finn smirked. "Yes, you did. If you think that you're going to go too far with Quinn, just imagine that it's Coach Beiste."

x

"We're totally going to beat both those teams at Sectionals," Rachel said as she and Finn walked to glee practice.

"Yeah, and the boys are going to beat you guys in the boys vs. girls competition," Finn said.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that," Rachel said. She and the girls had fun putting their mashup together last year, but of course, the competition had ended after the boys and the girls both got busted for using Vitamin D.

"We have lots of great ideas," Finn said. "We haven't decided for sure what we're going to do, but I kind of want to do a Beatles song and a Rolling Stones song."

"Catchy," Rachel said. "I know you sound great on both those bands."

Finn thought back to when he and Rachel had done Hello Goodbye together and to when they'd led You Can't Always Get What You Want at Sectionals. "You think so?"

"I know so," Rachel said. "I haven't told the girls my ideas yet, but I've been thinking, and I think I came up with a mashup that they'd all like: Girls Just Wanna Have Fun and Wannabe."

"Oh, those would sound good together!" Finn said. "How about we make a bet: we go out to Breadstix together after the competition, and the one whose team loses pays?"

"Start saving your money, Finn," Rachel said, giving him a kiss. As they went into the choir room, Mr. Schue was waiting.

"I have an announcement to make," Mr. Schue said. "I want both teams to step outside their comfort zones for this competition. Boys, sing girl songs. Girls, sing boy songs."

Finn gulped. He didn't think they'd do well with this approach. His high voice - didn't sound good.

"Look, I'm not tossing the baby out with the bathwater here," Mr. Schue said.

"I've totally done that," Brittany said.

"We're just making an adjustment. Boys, you are now doing songs traditionally sung by girl groups. And girls, try some classic rock— uh, the Who, the Stones. The more opposite your choice, the more points you get," Mr. Schue said.

"Don't worry, gentlemen," Kurt said. "I have this one under control."

That was true. Kurt knew all about girl songs. Looked like Rachel would be paying for dinner at Breadstix.

"We're claiming the choir room to get ready," Mercedes said.

"All right," Mr. Schue said. "Boys, you can use my classroom."

Rachel smirked at Finn as the boys left the room and went to the Spanish room. "So, Kurt, you know this best, what songs should we do?" Finn asked.

"I think we should do Stop In The Name Of Love by The Supremes and Free Your Mind by En Vogue," Kurt said.

"Cool," Finn said. He'd never heard either of those songs, so he figured that they could work.

"Now, obviously, for this medley to work, I'm going to have to sing lead," Kurt continued. He reached into his bag and got out a board with some fabric samples on it. "And, of course, when you're singing Diana Ross, Bob Mackie-esque maribou feather boas are a must."

"Isn't this lesson about opposites?" Artie asked. "I mean, you in a sequined gown and a feather boa is exactly what you'd expect."

"Okay, who said anything about a gown?" Kurt asked.

"Uh, dude, why don't you make yourself useful, and go put some rat poison in the old folks' Jell-O, or visit the garglers?" Puck suggested.

"The Warblers," Kurt corrected.

"Whatever. See what they're up to. And you can wear all the feathers you want. You'll blend right in," Puck sneered.

Kurt got up. "Fine."

When Kurt left the room, Finn turned to Puck. "You know, you don't need to do that."

"I'm not wearing a gown and a feather boa," Puck said.

"Well, you could have been nicer about saying you didn't want to," Sam said. Finn shot him a look to thank him, since it was nice to know someone else felt that way.

"Yeah, we could have just talked about an alternate," Mike added.

"If we lose, I'm going to have to pay for Rachel's dinner," Finn told the boys.

"What?" Artie asked.

"Rachel and I have a bet," Finn explained. "If we win, she buys me dinner. If we lose, I buy her dinner."

"You should change it," Puck said. "Tell her if we win, she has to put out."

Finn rolled his eyes as Sam gave Finn a smile. "Finn, I forgot to tell you, thanks for your advice about cooling down. The other day, Quinn and I were making out, and I was about to touch her butt. Then I pictured Coach Beiste in the cheerios uniform, and I totally cooled down."

"Wait, what?" Mike asked.

"The key to cooling down is to picture something totally not hot," Finn said. "For me, it's the mailman I hit. And for Sam, it's Coach Beiste."

"I should give that a try!" Mike said.

"You guys can do that all you want," Puck said. "Santana always puts out for me."

"Well, not everyone puts out," Mike said.

"And once I get Brittany back, that won't be an issue for me, either," Artie said.

"Whatever," Finn said. He and Rachel did so many things that were better than sex.

x

The next day, the glee girls got together to work on costumes for their number. Since the assignment was to do things the opposite of how they normally were, Rachel decided to be quiet rather than direct the number. The girls had decided on Start Me Up by The Rolling Stones and Living On A Prayer by Bon Jovi. Rachel suggested those songs (she'd seen them on Finn's iPod) and the other girls agreed to them.

"The boys beat us the last time we competed against them," Mercedes said. "We've got to bring the noise hard this time."

"To be fair, they didn't officially beat us," Quinn said. "We got busted for vitamin D possession before the vote."

Rachel decided to be even more quiet. She and Finn, after all, were the ones who'd turned everyone in.

"Wait. Something's definitely wrong. Why isn't Rachel talking?" Santana asked.

"Yeah, she should totally be bossing us around right now," Brittany added.

"The idea of the assignment was to do the opposite or what we normally do," Rachel said. "I'm just trying to stick to the lesson plan, which is proving nearly impossible since you're gluing those sequins on backwards." She saw Puck rolling Artie in. "Spies!"

"Lighten up— we're here to talk to Santana and Brittany," Puck mumbled.

"So, how does it feel to be a free man?" Santana asked Puck.

"All I can say is that I don't want a long-term relationship with either of you. Especially Brittany, since I'm not in love with her," Artie said.

"Do you guys want to go out to dinner tonight?" Brittany asked.

"Not really," Puck said.

"Oh," Santana said.

"Tell you what, you two show up at Breadstix tomorrow night around 7:00. If we don't find hotter chicks to date tonight, we might show up," Puck said before turning and wheeling Artie out of the room.

"Looks like you two might not be getting a date tomorrow," Tina said.

"Oh, we will," Santana said. "Who's hotter than me and Britt?"

Rachel felt left out for a moment. She couldn't talk with the other girls about these kind of things. Then she thought. "You know, if we perform our mashup tomorrow, they probably won't be able to resist you if we're hot enough."

"Yeah, that's true," Brittany said.

"You said something right, Berry," Santana said.

x

The girls had their mashup ready by the next day, and they'd gotten some effects and backup from the band. As the band began, the girls came into the room.

Mercedes: Start me up
Start me up
Rachel: Oh, Tommy used to work on the docks
Union's been on strike
He's down on his luck, it's tough
Oh, so tough
Tina & Rachel: Oh, we got to hold on, ready or not
Rachel: You live for the fight when that's all that you've got
Start me up
We're halfway there
Santana: Oh, living on a prayer
Mercedes: If you start me up
New Directions Girls: Ooh
Mercedes: Kick on the starter
Give it all you've got
You gotta, you gotta
I can't compete
New Directions Girls: Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, oh
Mercedes: With the riders in the other heat
Mercedes & Santana: I'll make a grown man cry
I'll make a grown man give it a shot
Start me up
We're halfway there
Santana: Oh, living on a prayer
Rachel: Living on a prayer
Tina and Rachel: Oh, we gotta hold on, ready or not
Rachel: You live for the fight when that's all that you've got
Oh, we're halfway there
Mercedes: We're halfway there
Santana: Oh, living on a prayer
Mercedes: Living on a prayer
Rachel: Take my hand and we'll make it, I swear
Mercedes: Whoa, we're living on a prayer
Rachel: Living on a prayer
New Directions girls: You gotta start me up

"Ladies, very, very impressive," Mr. Schue said as the boys cheered. "What was it that made you guys choose those songs?

"Well..." Rachel began as Becky came in and gave a note to Mr. Schue. Mr. Schue left with Becky, and Rachel went to sit with Finn. "So, what did you think?"

"I think I'll be buying you dinner," Finn said as he gave Rachel a flirty smile.

"Oh really?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah," Finn said. "That was really good. And you look really hot."

"You think I do?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah," Finn said.

"How's your guys' number coming?" Rachel asked.

"I think we should have it ready tomorrow," Finn said.

"I did prefer our number last year," Rachel admitted.

"Any number with you in it is great," Finn said.

x

The boys thought they'd be performing their number the next day, but it didn't seem like that would happen. Mr. Schue didn't look happy when the glee kids arrived. "Well, I genuinely hope you guys are happy because Coach Beiste has quit," Mr. Schue said.

Finn was shocked. Why would Coach Beiste quit? "Wait, what? That's terrible."

"Yeah, that's not what we want," Sam added.

"That's the opposite of what we want. The football team was actually winning," Artie said.

"Well, then, you'd better put your heads together and find a way to get her back, fast, because I am actually ashamed of you. You really hurt someone who was a great addition to this school," Mr. Schue reprimanded.

Now Finn knew. Somehow, Coach Beiste had found out about what the boys had been doing to cool down.

"I'm sorry, what exactly did we do?" Rachel asked, sounding confused.

"No, no. It's us. The boys," Finn admitted.

"And Tina," Mike added.

"We sort of figured out that picturing Beiste while making out was even better than a cold shower," Finn explained when he saw Rachel's confused face. "I mean, I don't... ever."

"Oh, wow. I'm sorry," Quinn mumbled.

"Can I just say that this is what happens when people don't put out?" Santana smirked. "If everyone just put out, we would have a winning football team."

Principal Figgins came in. "William. I need to see you and Noah Puckerman in my office, please."

When Mr. Schue and Puck left, Finn turned to Rachel. "You're probably wondering what that's all about..."

"Yeah," Rachel said.

"Well, Sam asked me the other day if there was a way to cool down when he was about to go further than Quinn wanted him to," Finn said. "I told him about how I pictured the mailman I hit, and then we saw Coach Beiste yelling at one of the other guys, so he decided a good way to stop arriving early would be picturing Coach Beiste in Quinn's spot... or in revealing clothing..."

Rachel made a face. "Okay then."

Now Finn felt bad. "Rachel, are you worried this means that I don't like being with you?"

"I'm not ready for sex, Finn," Rachel said. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Finn said, putting his arm around Rachel. "I have so much fun with you I don't think about sex that often."

Rachel's face perked up. "Really?"

Finn nodded. "Yes, really!"

"I'm sorry, Finn," Rachel said. "I know it means a lot to you that the football team's been winning, and now you've lost your winning coach."

"I know," Finn said. "Rachel, I feel responsible. I was the one who got this all started."

"Don't be that way," Rachel said.

"I might as well pay for your dinner," Finn said. "The girls might as well win by default."

"You know, you guys could use your mashup to make it up to Coach Beiste," Rachel said.

"I like that idea," Finn said. Rachel always had the best ideas.

x

The next day, Mr. Schue got Coach Beiste to come to the choir room to listen to the boys' mashup. Mr. Schue seated her right before the boys were about to perform.

"I don't get it," Coach Beiste said. "It's boys against the girls, but what's the winner get?"

"We were hoping for your forgiveness," Finn said.

"Yeah. We just wanted to apologize for hurting your feelings," Sam said.

"Coach Beiste, we think you're awesome. And even though you're all hard and tough on the outside, it doesn't mean you're not the opposite on the inside," Finn said.

"Like a chocolate turtle," Sam said.

"Totally. You're nougaty, and we totally get that now. You're like a mashup," Finn said.

"Why don't you guys just get to the song," Mr. Schue said.

"Totally. This mashup is dedicated to you, Coach. Hard and badass on one hand, and soft and girly on the other," Artie said.

"We hope it makes you smile, 'cause when you smile, you're pretty, and it lights up the room. Seriously," Puck said right before the music began.

Finn: Here we go!
Stop, in the name of love
Before you break my heart
Think it over
Artie: I wear tight clothing
High-heel shoes
It doesn't mean that I'm a prostitute
Puck: No, no
I like rap music
Wear hip-hop clothes
That doesn't mean that I'm out selling dope
No, no, no
New Directions boys: Ba-ba-ba
Ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba
Finn: Before you can meet me, you've got to learn how to see me
I said
Stop, in the name of love
Before you break my heart
Think it over
Puck: Free your mind, and the rest will follow
Finn: Think it over
Puck: Be color-blind
Don't be so shallow
Sam: I've known of your
Your secluded nights
I've even seen her maybe once or twice
But it's a sweet expression
Worth more than my love and affection
New Directions Boys: Ah, ah, ah...
Ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba
Finn: Before you can meet me, you've got
To learn how to see me, I said
Stop, in the name of love
Before you break my heart
Think it over
Puck: Free your mind
And the rest will follow
Artie: Oh, oh
Puck: Be color-blind
Don't be so shallow
Artie: Don't break my heart
Finn: Stop
Artie: In the name of love
Puck: Free your mind
Finn: Stop
Artie: Oh, free your mind
New Directions boys: Ah, ah, ah...
Ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba
Finn: Before you can meet me, you've got to learn
How to see me, I said
Stop, in the name of love
Before you break my heart
Puck: Free your mind
Finn: Stop, in the name of love
Before you break my heart
New Directions boys: Oh, think it over
Free your mind
And the rest
Will stop!

"That was really good," Coach Beiste said. "I liked it. Thank you."

"Get over here! Come on," Artie said as all the boys pulled Coach Beiste into a group hug.

"So you'll stay?" Mike asked.

"Yup," Coach Beiste said. She turned to Mr. Schue. "So, who won?"

"Well, you guys were great," Mr. Schue said. "But this year, I'll have to give it to the girls."

The girls started cheering as Finn looked at Rachel. "So, I'm buying you dinner."

"No," Rachel said. "We'll have to break the deal. I'm so proud of what you did for Coach Beiste. I'm buying you dinner."

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