Since the Invasion of Umbara, I was a lot more quiet and reserved when we headed back to Coruscant with the fleet. Anakin managed to finally return to his battalion, although it was unfortunately after the fighting was finished. When he learned of what happened with Master Krell, he was absolutely furious and guilt-ridden. Rex assured him that it wasn't his fault, but Anakin still couldn't help the feelings he had.
As for me, Boil and I have been staying closer to each other to share our sorrow for the loss of Waxer. Eventually he had to return to his brother's and Master Kenobi and I took a ship back to the Jedi Temple. He noticed how I had changed but opted not to say anything until after we got back, having heard the report of what happened.
Once we arrived at the Temple, Master Kenobi and I headed back to our quarters, where he sat me down in one of the chairs and sat in another chair.
"How are you feeling?" he asks me.
I offer a shrug in return. "Alright, I guess."
Master Kenobi raises a hand to his beard thoughtfully. "You haven't spoken much since the airbase incident. Would you like to talk about it?" he asks me.
I let out a small sigh. "What's there to talk about? Krell turned traitor on us and got clones killed. Then he was executed, as you know already." I told him.
"And resulted in the death of Waxer." Master Kenobi says. I flinch slightly at the memory and Master Kenobi eyes me with a frown.
"I know what Krell did was hard on you Jarik, but you have to understand that it wasn't your fault. He fooled us all." Master Kenobi tells me.
I cross my arms and look away guiltily. "But I was there! I should have been able to sense that it was the 501st, not Umbaran's disguised as clones! I gave Waxer the order to attack if necessary!" I protested in agitation. He leans forward and lays a hand on my shoulder.
"I would have given the same order my young apprentice." he tells me.
"But you would have been able to sense they were clones," I say bitterly. "I've never been the best with my Force abilities, which is why it was my fault!"
Master Kenobi sighs sadly. "Sometimes these things happen in war Jarik. Even Master Yoda can't predict everything that will happen," he tells me. "The best we can do is learn from our mistakes, and to be better next time."
I take in his advice but don't say anything. I'm still upset by what happened. Master Kenobi then gets up from his seat and heads to the door, about to leave.
"I'll give you tomorrow off to recover from this Jarik. But what happened wasn't your fault. Nobody wants you to think it is." Master Kenobi says, leaving the room.
The next morning I was sitting on my bed, looking up different things on the holonet in boredom. Master Kenobi was in another Council meeting, so I had the room to myself, although I didn't feel like doing much. The whole night, Darth Revan kept taunting me about how it was my fault that the clones died before we figured out the horrible truth. Revan eventually came along and got rid of him when I was ready to lash out, and managed to calm me down slightly. However I still felt like crap.
The door then opened to my room, and Ahsoka walked in.
"Hey Jarik!" she says cheerily.
"Hey Soka," I respond. She frowns slightly, and walks up to me.
"Me and Barriss were gonna head down to the Gardens in a few minutes. Wanna come?" she asks me.
I plaster a smile and turn to look at her. "No, I'm alright Sweetie Horns, thanks for asking. I've got some stuff to do though." I tell her.
She frowns at me, and sits down next to me on the bed. "Alright, spill." she demands.
"Spill what?" I ask her.
"Somethings bothering you little Jari. Out with it." she says sternly. I shrug casually.
"I don't know what you're talking about. I feel fine," I defend myself, getting a little nervous. She sighs at me in exasperation.
"Jarik, we've known each other since we were toddlers. I can tell somethings bothering you, so spill it." she tells me. I look away, hesitant to answer. She continues to stare at me in determination, and I know for a fact that she won't leave, or let me leave until I've spoken.
"Fine." I tell her. "I just feel guilty, and helpless." I admit.
She raises an eye marking at me. "You are definitely not helpless Jarik." she says.
I shake my head. "Not in that way. You heard about Master Krell right?" I asked her.
She nodded. "All I know is that he turned out to be a traitor."
I nod my head. "Yeah and he... he tricked us into killing each other." I tell her.
She looks at me in surprise. "What do you mean? How could he trick you and the clones into killing each other?" she asks in disbelief.
"Basically he told us... that the group we were fighting were Umbaran's that had disguised themselves as clones. He told both sides that." I admit sadly. She looks at me sympathetically.
"That... that must be tough." she tells me before frowning. "But it wasn't your fault he did that. Why would you feel guilty?"
I look away in shame. "Because I wasn't strong enough to sense it," I tell her bitterly.
"Sense it?" she asks.
"I could tell that Rex's group was advancing towards us, but I couldn't make out if they were Umbaran's or clones!" I exclaim. "If I was better, then I could've warned them that it was us!"
"That doesn't make it your fault." Ahsoka says in protest. I shake my head at her, standing up and pacing around the room.
"BUt it is my fault! I should've sensed it coming, I know I could have! I gave the order for my platoon to attack if necessary and know," I say, my voice breaking a little bit. "Now Waxer is dead! So many of them died for absolutely no reason, other than the fact I couldn't sense it in time!"
Ahsoka looks at me with a mixture of worry, sadness and regret shining on her face as I continue to pace around, my eyes starting to water up at the guilt I was feeling. It was all my fault.
She suddenly stands up and stops my pacing, pulling me into a comforting hug. She sends comforting feelings to me of reassurance across the bond, trying to get me feel that I wasn't at fault. I latch onto her tightly, feeling more vulnerable than I have ever felt before in my life. I was a Jedi! I was supposed to be better than this...
"It's alright Jarik," she says soothingly. "It's alright..."
I close my eyes tightly as we continue to hug each other, and she sends me feelings of reassurance as she rubs my back comfortingly. "What if it isn't..." I start to say.
"Don't say that." she says firmly, breaking off from the hug to look me in the eyes.
"You're Jarik Shan, my best friend. I know better than anyone else what a strong person you are! It wasn't your fault alright?" she tells me. "Sometimes these things happen out of our control. There's no way you could've expected Krell to do such a thing." she says firmly. I look at her for a few moments, not sure what to think when I let off a small sigh.
"When did you become so wise..." I mutter.
She let's off a small laugh and lightly slugs me in the shoulder. "There's the Jarik I remember." she says with a smile.
I give off a shrug.
"Did Master Obi-Wan talk to you about this?" she asks me hesitantly. I nod.
"Yeah he did, said most of the same things you did." I admit. "I'm glad he thinks the same way but, in the end my wonderful teacher can't exactly compare to my best friend giving the same speech." I tell her. She rolls her eyes.
"You should listen to more of what he says better." she lightly scolds me as we head for the door. I manage to throw her a grin.
"Like how you listen to Master Skywalker? Or how he listens to the Council?" I tease her. She sighs in exasperation.
"Alright, I've made my point, you've made yours," she admits.
Feeling a lot better, we meet up with Barriss and head down to the Room of a Thousand Fountains, where we took some times to relax and just be friends, a luxury we don't get often during this time of war.
