Gillian Kearney Fan, thank you for your review - I hope you'll enjoy this chapter too.
Tato Potato, Ethan really is perfect! He's really kind in the series (except to Cal sometimes) so I knew he'd be really supportive of Honey. Thank you for your review!
ETWentHome, thank you for your review. Honey doesn't always think before she speaks, so I can imagine her causing Noel a bit of embarrassment! I'm glad you like caring Ethan.
Tanith Panic, I like tender and funny too - it's really nice to know I got it right! I don't think Honey was really thinking about logistics, but poor Noel. Thank you for your review.
Once Honey had answered the questions, she was asked to climb up onto the bed. Dr Allen took her pulse. She also took Honey's blood pressure, which made Ethan look worried because he obviously knew what all those numbers meant. She also lifted Honey's hands into the air and balanced a piece of paper on them, which showed just how much Honey's hands were shaking). It all seemed to go on for a very long time and not all of it made sense. Honey felt tired and emotional. She just wanted to go home.
Honey lifted her head slightly to catch a glimpse of Ethan. He must have seen something in her expression; he came to her side at once. "Excuse me, Dr Allen. Is it all right if I hold Honey's hand? I'll move if I'm in your way."
"Yes, of course," said Dr Allen. "I've nearly finished now anyway. You're doing really well, Honey. I know it can be overwhelming."
It was easier with Ethan holding her hand. He rubbed the top of her hand with his thumb and looked lovingly down at her. Honey felt her eyes fill with tears of happiness. Despite everything, she was still the luckiest person in the world because Ethan loved her.
Ethan looked momentarily worried when he saw the tears, but then he seemed to realise the cause of them. I love you, he mouthed.
I love you too.
"Right: now we're all done," said Dr Allen. "Well done, Honey. Sit up slowly and don't stand till you're ready."
Honey sat up slowly. She felt slightly dizzy, but it passed quite quickly. Ethan helped her down from the bed and supported her as they went to sit down.
"Now, I'd like to see you again in a couple of weeks, Honey," said Dr Allen. "You can make an appointment on the way out. You'll also need to have a scan done on your thyroid – you can make an appointment for that too – and you'll need to have various blood tests done a couple of days before your appointment. I'll give you a form with all the details so you won't have to worry about that. In the meantime, I'd like you to start taking a medication called carbimazole which will treat your thyroid itself, rather than just the symptoms."
Honey felt her hopes rising. "Do you mean I can stop taking that stupid proper-thingy?"
"Propranolol," said Ethan so sweetly, it didn't sound like he was correcting her at all.
Dr Allen turned to another page in her file. "I see what you mean. It does look as though the propranolol isn't helping your heartrate."
"No, it isn't!" said Honey at once. "It's making me worse. I feel even more sick on them and it makes me really anxious."
"It might seem that way," said Dr Allen, "but I think the problem is that you're just not on a high enough dose and the physical discomfort is actually a symptom of your hyperthyroidism. I'm going to double your dose and we'll see how it goes."
Honey stared at her in horror. "No, you can't! It makes me feel worse. I need to come off it, not take more!" Her eyes filled with tears. "Please don't make me take more."
Ethan put his arm around Honey. "Is there no alternative? Another kind of beta blocker, or perhaps a calcium channel blocker?"
Dr Allen looked sympathetic, but not as though she might change her mind. "We could change the medication, but Honey might have exactly the same problem. I would much rather you stuck with the propranolol, Honey. If they are causing side effects, they shouldn't last, and if it an effect of hyperthyroidism, the increased dosage will solve the problem."
Honey swallowed a sob and felt Ethan holding her more tightly.
"But there is something we can do that might help," said Dr Allen. "Rather than going straight from three tablets to six, you can start by going up to four for three days, then five, then the full six. It isn't ideal, but I don't want to make you any more uncomfortable than you are already."
Honey sobbed out loud this time. "If you really cared about that, you wouldn't make me take them!"
"There must be something you can do!" said Noel, putting his arm around Honey. "You're supposed to be making my daughter feel better, not worse!"
Dr Allen spoke kindly. "I'm sorry you're not getting on with the propranolol, Honey. I really am. But your thyroid levels are very high, and it's putting a lot of pressure on your heart. I really am sorry, but you do need to continue taking them."
"Or what?" cried Honey. "Will it kill me? Let it kill me!"
"Sweetheart," said Ethan. His voice was soft and not in the least reproving, but it made Honey feel guilty.
"I'm sorry," she said as she wiped her eyes. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. Can we go now, Ethan? I want to go home."
"Yes, of course you can," said Dr Allen. "If you don't feel up to making the appointments on the way out, one of you can always phone the department or visit in person later."
Honey sniffled and stood up. "Okay, Dr Allen. Thank you. I'm sorry I shouted at you."
Dr Allen patted her arm. "Don't worry. I gave you some bad news and you have a condition that makes you very emotional. I'll see you soon, okay?" She smiled at Ethan and Noel. "I can see you're in very good hands."
Ethan walked into the flat, sank down onto the sofa and put his head in his hands.
What a day.
Honey's appointment had been bad enough. Then he'd been late getting back to the hospital because Honey was crying so hard and he hadn't wanted to leave her. He knew Zoe would have tried to support him, but it was Connie who caught him on his way in. She seemed determined not to understand and pointed out that some of Ethan's patients might be in a much more serious condition than Honey.
After that, Ethan had been stressed and had made a couple of very slight mistakes. He spotted them at once and quickly corrected them, but Connie always seemed to be standing behind him and she left Ethan in no doubt of what she thought of him.
Cal got home about half an hour later to discover Ethan still on the sofa, not crying but dangerously close to it. "Nibbles? What's wrong?" Cal sat beside him. "Did Honey's appointment go badly?" He had asked Ethan briefly earlier, but they were both in the middle of seeing patients so Ethan had said everything was fine.
Ethan ended up telling him everything. "It was awful, Cal," he said, for once desperate for his brother's comfort. "Honey is so upset and so ill and we know the tablets are making it worse, but there's nothing we can do."
"Well, you can do prescriptions," said Cal. "Couldn't you cancel the propranolol and try her on something else? Or I could do it if you're too much of a good boy."
"I don't think I can really do that," said Ethan. "And if I do, it could delay Honey's treatment and then they might report me to Mrs Beauchamp for misuse of hospital prescriptions, which is the last thing I need…" To his horror, his voice was beginning to shake. "Why did this have to happen, Cal? Why did this have to happen to Honey? Why can't we just get married, have our baby and be happy?"
"Oh, Nibbles," said Cal sadly as he put his arm around him. "It's going to be okay. Honey will take her tablets and the side effects will go and then she'll be fine."
"But what if they don't go?" said Ethan, blinking hard. "What if she has to keep taking them forever and she feels like this forever?"
Cal stroked his shoulder. "I'm sure if she does have to take them forever, they will try to do something about the side effects. Besides, if they keep on making Honey feel ill and that makes her anxious, it's not going to take her heartrate down and they'll have to conclude it isn't working."
"I feel so helpless," said Ethan tremulously. "I'm sorry to go on about me when it's so much worse for Honey. But I'm supposed to be a doctor and I can't make my fiancée better."
"But you're not an endocrinologist," said Cal. "And if you were, you wouldn't be allowed to treat her, would you? None of this is your fault, okay?"
"I don't know!" Ethan knew Cal was right really, but he still felt he ought to be able to do something more. He closed his eyes and felt a tear running down his cheek. He brushed it away, not wanting Cal to see, but his other eye was watering now. "Sorry, Cal."
Cal patted his shoulder. "Hey, it's okay. You've had a hard day; life's a bitch and so's Mrs Beauchamp. You cry if you want to."
"I don't want to," said Ethan, but it didn't look like he was getting any say in the matter. His shoulders were shaking and quite a few tears had escaped now. He took his glasses off and wiped his hands across his face. "I-I just want Honey to get better."
"Come here, Nibbles," said Cal softly. "It's okay."
"No, I'm okay. I'm fine." Ethan tried to stop crying. He felt in his pockets for a tissue, but he must have given them all to Honey.
That was when his phone decided to ring.
"Give it to me," said Cal. "I'll say you're in the shower or something."
"No, it's Honey. I'd better speak to her." Ethan swallowed hard, sniffed a couple of times and cleared his throat. "Hi, sweetheart. How are you?"
"I just missed you," said Honey. She sounded sad. "I wanted to hear your voice."
"Well, I'm here," said Ethan, his voice completely steady now. "You can hear my voice for as long as you want to. And if you want to see me too, I can come over straight away. I love you, Honey. If there's anything you need, you only have to ask."
