A/N: We're nearing chapter 30 you guys, I can't believe it! It feels like I just started this the other day, haha. It'll have been a year this October, that's insane. Once again, thank you to all of you that continue to support me! It makes me want to write more and work harder for you guys!
Also, I want to thank Pounds for giving me one of the most amazing, nicest reviews EVER! It almost brought me to tears, as embarrassing as that is. It ranked right up there with the reviews that ObsidianPhantom sends me and well, thank you. Just thank you so much.
And big shout out to chaosdreamingsiren for being my beta on this chapter! It's the first time I've ever had anyone else edit it and I couldn't be happier, so thank you!
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho. Drat!
Warnings: Profanity, violence, blood/gore, sexual themes, adult themes, etc.
. . .
I cried out as I landed hard on the floor, my back exploding in pain. I rolled, quick to get back on my feet. If I didn't he would punish me.
"Adjust your feet," he snapped.
Shit, my stance was wrong again. I'd taken an offensive one. I knew this, why did I keep messing up?
He came at me again. I blocked the first kick and two of his punches. The third hit me square in the face. I was back against the floor, spitting blood across the smooth wood. There was a steady stream of red leaking from my nose. I wiped at it with the back of my hand and got back to my feet.
This continued for another hour. I wasn't allowed to stop or catch my breath. I just had to keep fighting.
Even though I had trained with my grandfather for nearly seven years, it still hadn't made a difference. At thirteen, I was weak and useless. He could do nothing but stare at me in disappointment.
"Enough, we're done for the day," he said.
I almost smiled in relief but knew better than to do so in front of him. He'd tan my hide if I acted anything less than appreciative for his training. I bowed and went to collect my things.
"You did not give it your all today, Kasumi," he made sure to comment.
"Sorry Ojichan…I'll try harder tomorrow," I mumbled.
My grandfather might be an old man now, but he still had fire behind his eyes and strength in his fists. I loved him…but I was also afraid of him. He cut no corners and pushed me to my limits every single day. If I gave less than everything, the training the next day would be ten times harder.
My grandfather sighed and shook his head at me, "You are a gifted child. Why do you shun it so?"
I shuttered my eyes, my gaze dropping to the floor. I made myself look reticent. Ojichan had no idea how much I truly hated the training. I'd been pushed and pushed and pushed my entire life. I didn't want it anymore.
I was only thirteen and I'd suffered more broken bones, bruises, and bumps than any other kid my age. Hitomi didn't have to go through this kind of suffering, why should I? It wasn't fair.
"I'm sorry Ojichan…I'll try harder tomorrow," I repeated, my eyes still trained on the floor. I counted the grooves in the polished wood to keep my eyes from straying.
"You are well aware that you are the heir of this dojo, are you not?"
"Yes sir," I said.
"Then you must give it your all Kasumi!"
I nodded again, just waiting for him to get on with his speech. This wasn't the first time I'd heard it after all – all his shit about honor and pride in the family. I didn't care. Once they were gone it would only be Hitomi and me. Everyone else was dead, so what did it matter if I upheld the family values?
I waited to hear those same words I'd heard what felt like a hundred times. Except they never came, instead my grandfather went down a far different route.
"If you don't give it your all…you're going to die."
My eyes snapped up to him. I stared at his wrinkled face, his upper lip covered in a bushy mustache. What had he just said? I was going to die?
"W-what…?"
He smiled and reached forward to clap his hands around my upper arms, "You're going to die, Kasumi."
My heart leapt up my throat. I tried to back away from him, but his grip tightened.
"O-ouch! Ojichan that hurts!" but he wouldn't let go.
He started to laugh, his mouth opening wide to release sounds filled with madness. I didn't understand what was going on…I was suddenly so afraid.
"Let me go!" I screamed, pulling at his hands in desperation.
He continued to laugh, the noise filling all the empty places inside my mind. I felt true fear in that moment. My body screamed at me to run…but his grip was so tight.
"You're going to die!" he howled.
. . .
I shot up in bed with a gasp. I clapped my hand over my mouth to prevent myself from becoming violently ill all over my sheets. I swallowed down the bile, trying to calm my racing heart.
What had begun as a memory had turned into a nightmare. It had been a long time since I'd dreamt of Ojichan.
I was tempted to just lie in bed, if only a little longer. However, my wish was not granted. With a loud bang, someone came barging into my room. I assumed it was Kazuma, here early to pick Keiko up for class.
I was wrong.
"Oi! Hiei's on our couch," and I was left to wonder when the fuck it had become "our" couch.
"For fuck sakes Yusuke, I'm not even dressed!" I yelled.
Of course, when I looked over to him it was only to find him in a pair of boxer shorts and not much else. At least we were on equal footing.
"Who cares about that," he said, waving it off like it was nothing, "Hiei's on our couch."
"Yeah, you said that already," I groaned as I rose from the bed, feeling like an old woman.
Why the hell was Hiei even still here? I had assumed he'd left after I'd stitched him up. It didn't surprise me that Yusuke was so excited about it.
I got out of bed, ignoring the man for now so I could dig through my dresser for something to wear. I contemplated working out, but tossed the idea aside. I'd be spending the next three months training. It was okay to have a day of rest. It might be the last one I ever have.
"Kas…he's injured," Yusuke stressed the word injured like that would make me hurry my ass up.
"Yeah…I know dumbass. I stitched him back up."
"Wait, did you just say stitched?"
I turned to him with a look that clearly stated how stupid I thought he was being. Was he for real right now? Yusuke knew damn well that I knew how to suture someone, including myself.
"Wow…he must really trust you," he breathed.
"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, suddenly intrigued.
Yusuke came further into my bedroom, taking a seat on the edge of my bed. I did my utmost best not to notice that the front of his shorts were pinched open. Instead, I went back to digging through my dresser. I'd already found what I wanted to wear, but at least I could save my eyes now.
"Hiei doesn't let anyone fix him up. Not unless he's out cold, anyway," he explained.
Now that was interesting. Honestly, it was rather shocking. Did that make me special somehow? Or had he just been in that much pain he hadn't been thinking clearly? That was far more likely than any other explanation.
I pulled a pair of boy's jeans over my legs, threading a belt around the waist band. I kept my back to Yusuke as I tugged off my shirt. I had nothing on underneath so I was quick to snatch up a sports bra and pull that over myself.
"He likes you, ya know."
I choked on my own saliva, sputtering like a fool. What had he just said?
I turned to Yusuke with stunned eyes, "What?"
He grinned at me, "He likes you, a lot."
He flopped over onto his back, lying spread eagled across my bed. Before I could say another word or even refute him, he continued to talk.
"He follows you around; he asks about you, he gets all starry eyed when you smile at him…"
Yusuke shot back up into a sitting position, his grin even wider now, "I could go on for days. I don't think he even gets what's happening."
And neither did I. All I could do was stare at the black haired man with wide eyes. What the hell had drawn him to these conclusions? Hiei sure as hell didn't look at me all starry eyed! What was that even?
I covered up my shock with a sneer, "You sure you aren't talking about yourself, baka?"
"You're just as dense as he is, huh?"
"Fuck you," I snarled.
Yusuke's grin softened, "Listen Kas. I'm not like Kuwabara. I know Hiei…and he likes you."
"So the thought doesn't disgust you?" I asked.
"No and deep down it doesn't with Kuwabara either. He's just being an ass."
"What are you, a match maker now?" I rolled my eyes. I didn't believe a word of this nonsense.
"Someone has to do it, because you two are ridiculous," he said.
He stretched, lifting his arms way above his head. In the process his boxers fell open even more. I received an eyeful of Urameshi Yusuke I never wanted to see.
"Goddamn it Yusuke, go put some fucking clothes on!" I screeched as I chased the man from my bedroom.
He laughed the entire way, not at all embarrassed. He stuck his tongue out at me just before dashing through Keiko's door.
"You liked what you saw!" he shouted.
I flipped him the bird just as he shut the door in my face. I heard Keiko ask him what the hell he was doing. I hoped she'd give him a smack or two for me.
I needed coffee…but in order to get to the kitchen…I would have to pass the living room. I didn't know if I was ready for that this early in the morning. But Morimoto Kasumi was anything other than a coward. So I steeled myself, took a deep breath and marched down the stairs.
I had it all planned out. I was just going to pass by like I didn't even notice he was there. Of course, that went out the window when the first thing my eyes did was stray to the couch. I couldn't keep my eyes off him even if I tried, that was just sad.
He was sitting to one side, in nothing but a pair of loose black pants. He still had the bandages wrapped tightly around his midsection and I could see a bit of blood soaking through. This worried me. Had he ripped out a few of the stitches? Would he let me check them, even if he had?
I also noticed that all the blood from the night before was gone. He must have cleaned up the mess sometime after I'd gone to bed. How considerate of him.
Without realizing it my feet had directed me to stand behind the couch. I observed Hiei the entire time. He looked haggard, like he hadn't slept a wink.
"Come here," he snapped.
Shit! He hadn't even looked at me, how'd he know I was there?
Then I remembered that Hiei was a fucking demon and he had supreme hearing. I wouldn't be surprised if his sense of smell was also heightened compared to a human's.
"Onna, I won't ask again," he said.
"You know, you shouldn't be so rude to someone in their own home," I said. I came around the couch and stood uncertainly by the kotatsu. I was closer now, but not too close.
He looked so weary…I didn't like that, not one bit. Something inside me wanted to soothe him but then I remembered we were supposed to be fighting. This constant battle over Ren had grown old. I had tired of it and I wished he would too. What I had said last night was the truth…they were fighting over a corpse.
Hiei sighed, "Come over here," he repeated.
I hesitated…did he want me to sit with him? It was my own couch…I could sit there if I pleased. He didn't have to tell me. I sure as hell wasn't going to sit there just because he had.
I took a seat at the far end, as far away from him as I could get. I saw him roll his eyes.
My gaze skipped over him again. I was worried about the blood leaking through the bandages. To stall him from bringing up whatever it was he'd called me over for, I voiced my worries.
"Did you tear your stitches?"
His eyes flicked down towards his wound, "No," he said.
I wanted to ask once again who had done such a thing to him. I wanted to know so I could hunt them down and throttle them. I couldn't comprehend how someone as strong as Hiei had allowed himself to get hurt so badly. It led me to believe that it had been caused by someone he trusted.
"Who did that to you?"
"That is none of your concern."
My upper lip curled. I was irritated that he kept avoiding me. I would find out…and when I did, that person would be a dead man.
"You're not going to die," he said suddenly. It left me rather stupefied. All thoughts of murdering whoever had hurt him fled my mind.
His red eyes pierced me. There was something strong there, a hardened resolve that left me breathless. He believed every word that spilled from his lips, with his entire being.
"I won't let you," he growled.
"Hiei…" I wanted to protest. I wanted to tell him that believing that would only scar him in the end.
"You will live Kasumi! Don't be so quick to throw your life away," he snarled.
"You're an idiot! I'm not throwing anything away!"
"Aren't you? You accepted that fiend's words without a second thought!"
He reached forward and pulled me across the couch by my arm. We were face to face now and far too close.
It was too early in the morning to be talking about this shit. But it was obvious it had dwelled on his mind the entire night. I'd never seen Hiei look so run down. If this is what it took to make him feel better, then so be it.
Originally I had thought it would be best to let sleeping dogs lie. I would go away for three months and then act like nothing ever happened. Only, my conscience (damn it!) wouldn't allow it. I couldn't pretend that he'd never kissed me. I couldn't pretend I didn't like him…because I did. For some sick and twisted reason I really, really liked Hiei the hiyoukai.
And I seriously hated myself for it.
He looked ready to spit something further, to dig deeper into the fears I'd done my best to bury. I wouldn't give him that chance.
I closed what little distance there was between us. He let go of my arm as if it had shocked him and I reached forward to wrap them both around his neck. His eyes widened and I was again reminded of his demonic origin – his eyes far too large for those of a human's. I was close enough to see his pupils dilate and then he sucked in a sharp breath the second I touched him.
His lips parted; ready to stop what I had planned. But I leaned forward and placed my lips against his. My eyes dipped closed and unlike the hungry, passion filled kisses Hiei had given me…I gave him the exact opposite.
It was soft and gentle, the kind of kiss you gave someone you felt deeply for. I did my best to convey what I was feeling in that light pressing of lips. I tried to show him all the things I just wasn't ready to say.
It was both me giving up and giving in to what I felt. He'd kissed me all those times…and I had never kissed him. Just this once…before I went away…I wanted to be able to show him that if I were to choose anyone, it would be him.
He made a noise in the back of his throat that sounded suspiciously like a groan. His hands reached up to bury in my hair. I would never understand his fascination with my hair. But I didn't mind as his fingers threaded through it, letting the strands dance over his skin.
He deepened the kiss, angling my head just right to slip his tongue between my lips. The kiss was slow and languid, but exciting all the same. I felt heat rush up from the tips of my toes to spread along my scalp. I shivered and he pulled me closer.
I might have ended up in his lap. As it was, I was both annoyed and rather glad for the loud "Ahem," that interrupted us.
I tore away from him like a teenager that had just been caught making out with their boyfriend. My face must have been beet red.
"Sorry, did we interrupt the make-out session?"
I don't think I'd ever seen a grin that big across Yusuke's face. Standing beside him was Keiko, who had a hand over her mouth. She looked so scandalized that I almost laughed, but then I remembered why she looked like that. I just wanted to sink into a black hole at that moment.
How could I forget that they were upstairs? Christ, now what was I going to do? I'd never hear the end of it. What the fuck was I thinking?
My only saving grace was the sound of knocking. Kazuma was here to walk Keiko to the bus stop.
My eyes shot to Yusuke and within them held a clear warning. If he said a single fucking word I would rip his tongue out.
"Cripes, you been taking lessons from Hiei? Shit…" he mumbled, referring to the look I'd just given him. He shook his head and walked off to answer the door.
That still left Keiko who I knew damn well would spill the beans. I didn't need rumors being spread. Hiei and I are not a…thing. I didn't want us to be a thing. Besides…he's youkai.
He's a fucking youkai!
I had his teeth marks in my neck and his palm burned into my arm. Hiei wasn't human. It was time I paid more attention to that. I'd just gone the past so many months in the mindset that they are humans, just different. That was foolish. I needed to stop being so naïve. Otherwise there would be another time just like the night he'd bit me. A time where I will not understand why he does the things he does.
I don't want that. I never wanted that. I was raised to believe demons were evil. Even though I no longer lived in a world of just black and white, I should still be wary. I am human…I will always be human. Hiei would outlive me by centuries. He must be well aware of that himself.
This led me to wonder why he was bothering with me at all. Even if I lived passed next year…I wouldn't be able to stay with him forever. I would grow old and ugly, while he stayed young.
My previous embarrassment at being caught was gone. Now I was just left with a profound sense of loss. This was something that should never have started.
And now I would have to put it out of its misery.
I forgot about Keiko and turned to him to do just that. It took a single look from him to stop me.
"Later," he said so only I would hear.
I almost protested, simply because I figured it would be like ripping a bandage off. The faster it was done, the sooner the pain would be over.
I couldn't deny that I was confused by the fact that it would hurt me at all. I hadn't known Hiei that long…my behavior the past month was baffling to me. It shouldn't matter.
It shouldn't matter. I firmly told myself this over and over as Kazuma entered the living room with Yusuke. He looked between me, Keiko, and Hiei. He could feel the tension in the room and he raised an eyebrow at me.
I took my chance to escape.
"Coffee, Kazu?" I asked, shooting up from the couch and racing around it to get to the kitchen.
My friend followed me and I noticed that Keiko was hot on his heels. They pushed their way through the kitchen door after me and I made myself busy with the coffee pot.
"You have some explaining to do, Morimoto Kasumi!" Keiko hissed. She was obviously not going to allow me even a second of peace. I'd hoped to avoid this conversation.
Kazuma came up beside me and leaned against the counter, "What's this now?" he asked Keiko.
"Nothing –" I began, but Keiko cut me off before I could say another word.
"She had her tongue down Hiei's throat, that's what!"
The coffee grounds I was measuring out were so interesting all of a sudden. I stared at them hard, refusing to say a word. Kazuma's mouth had fallen open. He looked horrified, like Keiko had just told him the biggest scandal of the year.
"So you lied to me?" said Kazuma. He sounded betrayed and angry. But he had no right to feel that way. I hadn't done anything wrong.
"No," I ground out, "I did not. What I told you was true, we aren't together."
"Are you calling Keiko a liar?"
"No!" I shouted, whirling around to glare at the both of them.
"For Kami's sake Kasumi, what would you call it then?" asked Keiko.
"Do you really want to do this now?" I asked, "I'm leaving tonight."
This caused them to pause. Keiko turned shamefaced and Kazuma could no longer look me in the eye. I huffed and turned back to finish making my coffee. I'd need the caffeine to make it through this day, if the start of my morning was anything to go by.
"Kas…we're just worried about you," mumbled Kazuma.
Keiko nodded in agreement, ringing her hands together nervously. She looked close to tears. I hadn't stopped to think how my friends felt about my departure…I hadn't really thought about anyone, to be honest.
I watched the coffee brew. It smelled of warmth and comfort. I choked on things I should say but didn't. I would come back a different person…a stronger person. They might not recognize me when I returned.
I really hated goodbyes.
"Let's do something today…together," I said.
"What did you have in mind?" he asked.
I turned to Kazuma with a wistful smile, "The usual," was my reply.
He smiled back and then reached up into the cupboard for a mug, "Okay."
I poured coffee for both my friends, before filling up my favorite mug. They hurried to finish theirs, promising to return later that afternoon when classes had ended. I was left alone in the kitchen in the aftermath.
My thumb rubbed at the little heart on my mug's handle. I remembered the way Hiei's hand had gripped the tiny ceramic cup…dwarfed in his hold. Would he like coffee too? If I left the kitchen would he be waiting for me?
I told myself it didn't matter if he was. Perhaps he had left and wouldn't return. It would be one less goodbye and that was a good thing, wasn't it?
Yeah, I thought, it would be better that way.
On their own my feet began to step towards the swinging door. If he was not there, that was that. It was over. I didn't have to worry about it anymore. I wouldn't have to ask him uncomfortable questions. I wouldn't have to pretend I was just as emotionless as he made himself out to be.
Each step I took made my head pound. When I pushed through the doorway and out into the living room it blossomed into a sharp pain. It stung and made my eyes water. My vision blurred beyond my glasses. My sight taken from me, I had no idea if anyone was home or not.
The pain intensified, causing me to cringe. I reached up a hand to grip at my head. This was no simple migraine…
Like a bomb going off, my mind exploded. I heard the distant crash of my mug falling to the floor. Later I would lament its loss…but right now I couldn't think at all. I couldn't even breathe.
Time slowed to a crawl. I had both hands pressing against my temples now, as if to keep my skull from cracking in two. It hurt so bad I thought I would be sick.
Had the pressure of the past month finally closed in on me? Or was this something else entirely?
Colors flashed across my eyes, blinding and bright. My stomach rolled and twisted. I felt heavy, like I'd just been shackled to the floor. The colors came to a halt, bleeding into one. Red…everything had turned red like the color of freshly spilt blood.
Through the haze of agony I felt something drip down my face. It touched my lips, leaking down over my chin.
My world spun and I clamped my eyes shut to slow it down. I waited for whatever this was to come to an end. I prayed it wouldn't last much longer.
What ended up bringing me out of my current anguish was someone's touch. I felt skin on skin, a hand against my cheek, another prying my fingers away from my skull. Calloused…warm…
"Kas…"
"Kas…umi?"
"Kasumi!"
It happened all at once. The shock of hearing my name called so loud caused me to jolt. Electricity sprung up from my feet and surrounded me. I was running on pure instinct. My body, in so much pain just moments before, thought it was in danger. It reacted accordingly, by calling forth my strange form of energy.
He jumped back just in time to avoid the mass of reiki. I scorched the wooden floor beneath my feet. I didn't even realize what I was doing until the pink sparks had covered my entire body. My hair was standing on end and I had blood dripping from my nose.
My eyes shot open wide, the pain fleeing until it seemed like a distant memory. Hiei was standing before me, eyeing my reiki with a sneer. To my side was Yusuke, who looked ready to tackle me.
I called my energy back. It snapped and crackled, as if it were angry I was putting it back in its cage.
I had no explanation for what just happened. I had no idea what that was. My brain felt like a pile of mush now. I stood there with my eyes wide, just as shocked as Yusuke and Hiei seemed to be.
"What the hell was that, Kas?"
Hiei's eyes had turned shrewd and wary. Whatever just happened had worried him…though he wouldn't admit that. Not here, not now.
I swallowed hard, "I-I…don't know."
. . .
Hiei hadn't taken his fucking eye off me since the incident at the apartment earlier. My afternoon, which I had planned to spend with Keiko and Kazuma alone, ended up a group trip. All four boys, Keiko, and even Botan had decided to come along. The pretense was that they had all wanted to say goodbye. I knew better. Yusuke and Hiei had told them what had happened to me earlier, now they were all treating me like a china doll.
I was so aggravated that my last few hours with my friends weren't any fun for me. That feeling only grew when I felt Hiei start to pick through my head again. I was being mindful of him, more so than usual, and I had expected this.
"Get out," I snapped mentally.
He ignored me, pretending he wasn't even there but I could still feel that itch. He was walking a little ahead of me, beside Kurama. He was dressed as a human. Black jeans rolled up at the bottoms, a tight long-sleeved grey shirt, and another black beanie to hide his hair. He looked kind of sexy like that, but I was so irritated with him that it was hard for me to admit.
"You okay Kas?"
I was getting real sick of that shit too. If one more person asked me if I was okay I was going to give them a black eye.
"I'm just dandy," I growled.
Kazuma frowned and then wrapped an arm around my shoulders. He pulled me into a hug, continuing his long strides down the sidewalk. I concentrated on not stumbling, considering his leg span was longer than mine. He ruffled my hair, smiling at me to try and cheer me up. I slapped his hand away from my head and leaned into him.
Whatever, I'd miss the big lug when I was gone. It was okay, to be like this, just for a bit.
My eyes strayed back to Hiei's back. He had stiffened a moment ago and I was curious as to why. Besides the sudden tenseness in the set of his shoulders he seemed normal. Or as normal as Hiei could be – which meant he was annoyed and bored. I continued to walk with Kazuma, contemplating what his problem could be. I sent a mental question mark his way…but he continued to ignore me.
Fine…if that's how he was going to be, two could play that game.
We'd all decided to go to the aquarium for the rest of the afternoon. I had until midnight to spend as much time with them as I could. It would be the first time…in a long time I'll have been away from Keiko and Kazuma. It was just three months, I kept telling myself. But…three months seemed like forever when you really thought about it. So many things could change in the matter of minutes…who knew what could change in ninety days.
And to think…I had tried to push them away not so long ago. Now here I was depressed I would have to leave them.
I was an idiot.
When we got to the aquarium we didn't all stick together in a tight group. We spread out and went to view certain exhibits that interested us. I saw Yusuke drag off Keiko so he could try to make out with her behind one of the giant fish tanks. I shook my head at them. He lived a relatively normal life…considering all the shit he'd been through. I would have to ask him sometime, how he managed it.
Kazuma ended up in long winded discussion with Kurama and Botan about the penguin exhibit, so I slipped away. I wandered off on my own, my gaze wandering but not really seeing anything.
I shoved my hands into the pockets of my jeans and walked off towards a tunnel. It was rather small and kind of claustrophobic if you really thought about it. But the whole thing was just one giant, curved fish tank. There wasn't much light, just enough to see the fish by. The water cast odd patterns across my skin while the light shifted and changed with its flow.
There weren't many people in here. It was a rather off time to come to the aquarium. It was the middle of winter and a weekday. It was nice…that it wasn't busy. I didn't much like crowds.
I paused to watch a bright colored fish swim by. It was beginning to dawn on me…that in just a few short hours I would be leaving. Not for the night…not even just for a day, but months. Even if I somehow managed to become strong enough to fight Hideki, there was still a good chance I would die.
I would be spending three months away from the only people that mattered to me. I hoped it wouldn't end up a waste. I had to try my best. No matter what, I had to work hard.
I wanted to protect them. With everything I had, that is all I wanted.
"Kasumi…?"
I'd never quite heard such an inflection come from his mouth. The way he'd said my name…was almost wistful.
I pressed a hand to the tank's glass and watched the fish flicker in and out of view. He came to stand beside me, his body heat a huge contrast compared to the cold air of the aquarium.
"I'm leaving," I said.
"I know," he replied.
It was silent for a bit. My heart began to pound, the fucking traitor. I had a lot of things I wanted to say to him. Not a single one managed to come forth.
I couldn't say anything – not a single word.
"I want you, Kasumi."
My eyes shot open wide and I turned to him with my mouth hanging open. What had he just said?! And it was so matter of fact, so fucking blunt!
He wasn't looking at me. His red eyes were steadily trained on the fish in the tank. I could see their colors flash across the glossy surface of his irises'. His face was impassive and I was starting to think I'd been hearing things. I must be going insane.
But all I could do was gape at him as he continued to speak, "I don't like when other men are near you. It pisses me off."
Earlier…when Kazuma had hugged me…he'd been so stiff. Don't tell me he was jealous of that? That was just ridiculous.
"It doesn't matter who it is," he said, leading me to think he was reading my mind.
"W-where is this coming from?" I asked.
He finally turned to look at me, but I wished he hadn't. The red of his eyes had darkened, the dim light of the tunnel making them look like blood. That gaze was so fierce…so full of some kind of heated emotion that it made my heart pound.
Why was I feeling like this? What was this man doing to me?
No…not a man…a youkai. I had to remember that. Kasumi, don't be a fucking fool.
He reached forward, hesitated, and then let his hand drop. The other he shoved into his jeans' pocket.
"Forget it," he said. He turned from me, planning to walk away.
"Forget it?!" I did nothing to keep my voice down. The few people meandering around the tunnel stopped to watch.
Hiei stiffened, his back going rigid. Turn around you bastard. Turn around and fucking look at me!
"I'm leaving, for three months, and that's all you have to say?!"
He wheeled around, his head down so I couldn't see the look on his face. He grabbed my hand and dragged me from the tunnel, away from prying eyes. He found an alcove by a utility closest and pulled me in.
He pressed me up against the wall, his hands coming to rest beside my head, palms flat. His jaw was clenched and he was trying real hard to control his breathing. I'd never seen him like this before…
It was…strange.
"What do you want from me, Kasumi?"
His question surprised me, although I'd asked the same of him not long ago. My eyes darted around him, trying to catch a glimpse of just…anything. But he was still hiding, his head hung so low I could see the back of his neck.
That's when I noticed it and it might have been avoidance of the question, but my mind jumped straight to what my eyes were seeing.
"Hey…you're wearing it."
I reached up a hand, gentle fingers brushing over the back of his neck. He stiffened but didn't move as I lifted the thin chain from the back of his shirt.
It was a simple thing, silver and thin. But what had made me buy it was the intricate braid the metal was in. The craftsman had toiled away at it and you could tell that they did a fine job. It was the most expensive out of all the gifts I'd bought my friends for Christmas. Not that I would ever tell Hiei that.
"I…thought you threw it away…" I breathed. And I had. I was certain he'd tossed it the same day I'd given it to him.
I'd decided to buy the necklace after I'd noticed Hiei kept those crystals of his on nothing but a thin piece of rope. I imagined it wasn't comfortable to wear, not to mention, the jewels meant something to him. They shouldn't be kept on an ugly bit of string.
I let it fall from my fingers, watching as it slid down his neck. It looked nice on him.
I couldn't deny that…seeing him wearing it made me…so happy.
"Fuck…" I mumbled. This was bad.
This was so, so bad. I was in so much trouble.
I swallowed hard, "We should get back to the others. They're probably looking for us."
He reared back and punched the wall beside my head. The cement cracked and broke, crumbling under his fist. He'd made a crater in the wall. And now…those angry red eyes were pinning me to its surface. I got so caught up in his gaze that I forgot to breathe.
"Stop playing games," he snarled.
My brows scrunched in confusion and my upper lip curled, "The fuck?! Look who's talking!"
His eyes narrowed, his own lips turning up in a sneer, "This isn't a game to me."
"You could have fooled me. One minute you're beating me up, the next you're kissing me! Make up your mind!"
"You are the one being indecisive. I am not human, Kasumi. I know what I want."
That little reminder had me freezing. He was right. He was a demon…he knew what he wanted because he wasn't young and stupid like me. That led me to wonder how old Hiei really was. He looked like he was in his twenties, but my gut told me I was far off the mark.
I'd never compare. He was the sun…and I was just some tiny little speck in comparison.
I deflated, my whole body going slack and I mumbled, "I don't want to fight with you anymore."
And if I were to let this continue, that's all it would ever be – one giant fight. Even if we weren't fighting with each other, we would be fighting who we were, or fighting for each other. I was human and he wasn't and it was as simple as that.
There was no need to get emotions involved. Our biology didn't match up, what better excuse was there?
"I can't do this," I whispered.
His arms dropped, but I didn't run. He probably expected me to. But I wasn't a coward. I would face this and I would deal with the consequences.
"I don't understand you," I said, "I don't think I ever will."
"Kasumi – "
"No, just…let me finish."
He sighed and then shifted so he was leaning against the wall beside me. He kept his face blank. He was trying to make this easier for me. But it wouldn't be…
"You say you want me, Hiei. But I don't know what I want. I don't know how to…do this kind of thing."
"You had no problem with Ryuunosuke," he snarled.
"I was young and foolish then!"
"I see no difference now," he said.
I clenched my jaw. I was irritated. He was being irritating. I knew he was just angry and this was his way of expressing that. But it didn't make me feel any less like a piece of shit.
"There's a good chance I'm going to die Hiei…"
"And I told you that wouldn't happen."
"But there's an eighty percent chance it will! It's time to face reality!"
He clenched his fists at his sides, so hard I saw blood well up over the tanned appendages. He turned his cheek so he wouldn't have to look at me any longer.
"I'm not strong like you Hiei, I never will be. But I have to do something. I can't just ignore it and hope it will go away!"
He said nothing. It seemed we were back to giving me the cold shoulder. Fine, it was easier that way.
"I like you," I hadn't really meant to say that. It was more of a confession than I had ever planned to let slip.
He stiffened and he turned to me with wide eyes, so I held up a hand to stop him from saying anything.
"Don't read too much into that," I said, "I just wanted you to know, that my view on you has changed."
I smoothed out my clothes, a nervous habit of mine, and scuffed my feet against the floor. It was too hard to look at him anymore. This entire conversation sounded like a break up and we weren't even together. It was so stupid.
"Then I will change it further," he said. The words were firm – a promise.
"Huh?" my eyes shot up to him. He was serious. Was he for real?
He reached a hand forward, his fingers gripping my chin to tilt my head up. I couldn't look away from him now. I was drowning in the red of his eyes. I was lost.
"I'll give you the three months. If your mind still hasn't changed…" he said, "I will not chase after you any longer."
The look in his eyes spoke volumes compared to his words. No, he wouldn't dent his pride that way. He wouldn't continue to chase after a woman after she had rejected him time and again. I would lose respect for him if he did. He knew that just as well as I.
Now that I thought about it, there was a good chance that was why I couldn't take Ren seriously.
His hand fell away and he shoved it back into his pocket. He stepped away from me, but paused just before entering the main part of the aquarium.
He cocked his head to look over his shoulder, "Be careful."
And then he was gone, just a black blur against the backdrop of the aquarium.
He was giving me the three months, huh? My views wouldn't change, especially being away from him. It would give me time to clear my head. I was sure once I had him out of my system, it would just reaffirm my beliefs.
We were no good for each other. Surely he knew that.
I went looking for the others. I found them after a time in the food court. After being bombarded with questions about my whereabouts and explaining that Hiei had run off, I sat down to eat.
I put a fake smile on my face to placate them. I would pretend nothing was wrong.
That was for the best. I wanted them to be happy before I left. I wanted them to smile. There was no need to talk about my problems, not now.
On the walk home we joked and horsed around. Kazuma and Yusuke tussled. In the end the little black haired punk ended up shoved into a trash can. That got a real laugh out of me. It wasn't often Kazu got the upper hand on him.
I fell behind, letting them pull ahead of me the closer we got to the apartment. Kurama fell into step beside me.
That was fine with me. I had something I needed to ask him anyway.
"Were you the one that hurt Hiei last night?"
He frowned, looking at me out of the corner of his eye. We acted like the conversation hadn't taken such a serious turn. The others didn't need to be a part of this.
"No, though I understand why you would think that."
"Do you know who it was then?"
He nodded, "I do."
"Well, who was it?"
A secretive smile, so small it was nearly infinitesimal, grew over his lips.
"If I didn't know better, I would think you wished for some form of revenge."
"That doesn't answer my question," I said in a heated whisper.
"It is best you do not know. There is nothing you'd be able to do, anyway."
"That isn't good enough – "
"Kasumi-san, some things are best left alone," he cut me off.
"I just…"
"I understand. You are angry on his behalf. There is no need to be."
How could he act like this wasn't an issue? Sure, Hiei could take care of himself…but if he hadn't sought help…if he hadn't shown up…
He could have bled to death. Demon or not, he wasn't infallible. And that scared the shit out of me.
Before I could say another word, I saw Yusuke pause just outside the apartment building.
"Oh look who it is, douche-bag of the year," he said.
I looked around him to see who he was referring to. Leaning against a slick black sedan was Ren. He had a large black duffel bag by his feet which I recognized as mine. He was giving Yusuke a look that was clearly telling the other man to go fuck himself. He had his hands folded across his chest and after giving Yusuke a glare he sought me out.
"Morimoto," he said. His voice was cold. This was just like the old Ren. The man I had learned to hate.
This caused an odd sense of comfort. I could deal with this Ren. I could handle him angry, I could handle him emotionless…but I couldn't handle the side that loved me.
I was far too jaded for that.
"Amano," I said in return.
"What do you want now, you prick?" asked Yusuke. He maneuvered his body so he was standing in front of me. Kazuma flanked his other side.
I sighed and then pushed my way between them.
"He's here to pick me up," I explained.
"What?" Yusuke barked.
"He's taking me to Takahiro's," I said.
And before they could protest, or argue with me, or start a fight I reached forward. I dragged both boys into a hug, wrapping an arm around each of their necks. They stood there stunned at first, before both rushed to hug me back.
Kazuma started to cry and I let them go so I could punch him in the shoulder, "Stop that you big baby."
"I'm going to miss you Kas…" he said, sniffling and wiping snot from under his nose.
I hugged him again, kissing him on the cheek. I watched a blush spread across them and smiled. Then I turned to Yusuke, "And you! You better keep up with your training!"
He saluted me and laughed, "Yes ma'am!"
I turned to Kurama and stuck out a hand. He took it and we shook them, "Good luck," he said.
"Thanks," I said. Then on impulse I pulled him forward too and gave him a brief squeeze. The look on his face when I let him go made it worth the embarrassment.
"Take care of him," I said. His nod told me he knew who I meant.
Botan was next and she gave me a wide smile. She hugged me without a second thought and before I even had the chance to think about it.
"Stay safe," she said, squeezing me just a little harder.
And so… that brought me to Keiko, who already had tears streaming from her eyes.
"It's only three months," I said and I reached forward to pull her into an embrace.
Her arms wrapped around my back and for a while we just held each other. It reminded me so much of Hitomi that I ended up choked up for a moment. I refused to cry. The only person who'd seen it was Hiei…and I planned to keep it that way.
"It's not midnight yet," she mumbled into my shoulder.
"It will be by the time I get to where I need to go," I said.
Takahiro had arranged a meeting place. I was positive he'd given Ren the car. The man knew everything, so there'd been no need for me to tell him about Ren coming along. He'd make a good asset after all, with his abilities to heal and enhance. I'd be able to push myself past my limits…and as long as he was there, I wouldn't die.
I kissed the crown of Keiko's head and then untangled myself from her arms, "It will go by faster than you think," I said.
She sniffled, wiping at her eyes even as she continued to cry, "I really will miss you, Kasumi-chan."
"I'll miss you too."
I walked over to Ren and gathered the bag I'd packed earlier that day, "Ready?" I asked him.
He nodded, "As I'll ever be."
I threw the bag in the back seat and he climbed in the driver's side. My friends stood out front of my building, huddled together. They all looked so forlorn. I didn't like that.
"Smile you fucking jerks! I'm coming back!"
I got a laugh out of Yusuke and Botan and a smile from Kurama, but Keiko and Kazuma didn't look any happier.
"I'll have my phone on me!" I cried.
I didn't know how often I'd get to talk, but they perked up a little bit at that. I climbed into the passenger's seat. Ren pulled out onto the street and I waved as we drove passed. I didn't stop watching them until they faded from view.
Damn…I really hated goodbyes.
"You really care about them, huh?"
I didn't find that Ren's question deemed an answer. So I settled in my seat and stared out the window. The atmosphere in the car was suppressing. It made my skin crawl.
I'd planned to ignore him the entire trip, but there was a question burning in the back of my throat.
"Why did you break in the other night?"
I wouldn't let this go until he'd given me a clear, honest answer. I garnered nothing from the reflection of his face in the glass. He remained cold and distant.
"I wanted something," was his answer.
"From my apartment?" I found that hard to believe. There was nothing there he could possibly want.
"I didn't know you were home, if that's what you're asking. Sorry I interrupted your romp with Hiei."
Ren was damn lucky he was driving. As it was I had to bite the inside of my cheek and dig my nails into my own arm to keep from hitting him. But there was a red light coming up. It wouldn't save him for long.
As soon as the car came to a halt I reared back and clocked him in the side of the face. He hadn't seen it coming, not realizing how angry his comment had made me. I'd hit him so hard he spat a molar out on the dash.
"The fuck, Kasumi?!"
"You wonder why I can't stand you!" I screamed.
He gripped the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turned white. He was about to lose his calm. I was ready. There wasn't anything he could say that would surprise me.
He did love to prove me wrong, however.
"Do you know how many times I've saved your life?"
I couldn't recall a single time. I had no idea what he was even talking about. I was left stumped. He could shock me yet, it seemed.
"Remember the redheaded girls that went missing? That was real. And one of them would have been you."
"What?"
"I protected you. You're so blind sometimes Kasumi, like you're unaware of the rest of the world."
He continued to drive, his eyes staring straight ahead. But I could see the angry glint in those cold blue depths.
"Because you had no energy, you were easy to hide. They went after girls that fit your description instead."
"So you're telling me I'm the reason all those girls went missing?"
"Not missing. They're dead, Kasumi."
Why was he telling me this? Just to hurt me?
"What's the point of all this?"
"You've been so quick to hate me, but I've done nothing but help you."
He was right. Ren was a jerk, but he hadn't hurt me. He'd kept things from me. But so had I. I would be a hypocrite to say that I hadn't.
And now here he was dropping everything to come with me. Not to say that Ren didn't get something out of the deal. Takahiro would hide him from the Reikai after all.
I wasn't ready to play nice with him. And I refused to apologize.
"That doesn't explain why you broke in," I also didn't want to think about those girls' lives. I was portraying avoidance at its finest.
He sighed, taking one hand off the steering wheel so he could drag it down his face.
"…I wanted the necklace back, okay?"
The necklace…? Did he mean the one he'd given me for Christmas? The sentimental bastard had made it out of a bullet. One he had saved from the first time we'd gone shooting together. Had he wanted it back so badly that he'd go to such lengths?
"That's stupid, why?"
"Because I'm giving up," he said.
"What are you talking about?"
"I can't compete okay!" he yelled. "You can't win against someone's soulmate."
Wait…this argument had just taken a strange turn. Was he talking about Makoto? Had he decided to give up on me so he could pursue her? If so, that would take a weight off my shoulders.
"I'm glad you decided to go to her Ren," I said.
He turned to shoot me a look, his eyes widened and then narrowed harshly, "I'm not talking about her."
"…Then who?"
He released a humorless laugh, turning back to watch the road, "You really are fucking blind."
"Fuck you, just tell me who you're talking about!"
"Who the hell do you think?" he snapped, "That bastard fire demon, of course."
He'd spat the words with full malicious intent. There was jealousy and the darkness of envy within his tone. But within the words also laid truth, which was where his anger stemmed from. The truth is what caused him to behave the way he was.
My stomach twisted, "Pull over."
He gave me a single look and then pulled over just in time. I wrenched the door open and threw up the contents of my stomach.
Ren couldn't be serious…that was impossible.
That was fucking impossible!
I threw up again, the bile burning my throat and making my eyes water. It stung, what he'd said.
I didn't want to believe it. I didn't even want to contemplate the possibility. Soulmates, was this some fucking fairy tale? And to learn of it in such a way…it was downright cruel.
When would a day come…where I didn't spend it fighting my fate?
Now I would be stuck to wonder if what I felt for Hiei was real…or just the creation of some sick bastard up above.
I would be like Ren now – forced to fight against my fate. Fate is what has caused all my problems. Fate is what brought me to my knees time and time again. I couldn't let it win…not even a little.
Fate would not decide things for me.
I sat back up, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. Ren handed me a bottle of water. I took a sip and swished it around to clean out the horrid taste of vomit.
He didn't say a word. And neither did I as I shut the door and leaned back in my seat.
I would never forgive Ren for this.
And he knew that just as perfectly well as I did…
. . .
A/N: I just dropped another bomb shell on you guys, so sorry XD So there is the end of Ren and Kasumi. He will still be around, however, so for those that hate him I'm sorry! Ren's an idiot, but he's my idiot! As for the whole soulmate drama, I'm sure some of you saw that coming considering I've brought it up a few times. There is a catch to it and it will be explained eventually. As for all the romance, well, they won't be seeing each other for a while and I wanted to make up for that. That and I was listening to a lot of sappy music. Also, chapters will start switching between Hiei's and Kas' POVS while she's away. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, thank you for reading!
