Chapter 29: We Should Be Together

"How long is this going to take?" Because really. I don't have all day. OK, so I do have all day. But this is ridiculous.

I lean forward and straighten out the block of wood on the desk that reads 'James P. Roberts' before sitting back and crossing my arms.

"Is your mother usually late?" He scribbles something onto one of those yellow tablets of paper.

I look up at the clock at the mention of time, noting that it's 7:45 A.M. I've been sitting in here for 15 minutes. I shrug my shoulders and cross my legs to stop my foot from tapping incessantly on the tile floor.

Mr. Roberts glances at the watch on his wrist, tosses his pen on the desk, and leans back sighing. "OK. Then lets get started without her."

I raise an eyebrow quizzically, feigning ignorance. It's not as if I don't know why he called me and my mother here this morning.

"I'm sure you know why I've called you here this morning." I nod slowly as he pulls out some papers from his top right drawer. "Dentist." He places the top piece of paper on the desk. "Gynecologist." The second piece of paper falls from his finger tips. "Flu." He does a flicky thing and the third piece flutters to the floor. I roll my eyes at his antics. "PMS?" He looks at me for an answer.

I don't humor him. I'm bored. I would have called out today too, if he hadn't contacted Christine.

He places the remaining stack back in the drawer before resting his elbows on the desk and clasping his hands together. I watch as his fingers fiddle with the band on his watch. "Miss Davies. What's going on?"

"I've been busy?" What else am I supposed to say? I can't come to school because my heart is breaking for a beautiful blonde student from Ohio? That I can't sit by her in classes? I can't face her.

"This is grounds for suspension." His index finger is tapping the face of his watch and it's annoying the hell out of me.

I stand up, place my palms flat on the top of the desk, and lean forward. "You had me come in at the butt crack of dawn to tell me that I'm being suspended?"

"Miss Davies, I didn't say you were-"

I interrupt his sentence by raising my hand between us. "No." I feel my eyes narrow. "God. Suspension is like a dream come true. Would have saved me the trouble of having to call in every morning."

The counselor stands up, taking me off guard a bit. He walks around the desk and puts one hand on my shoulder. "Whatever it is that's keeping you away from school? It's not worth it." An incredulous chuckle escapes my mouth. "I'm being real with you, Ashley." I feel his fingers squeeze comfortingly. "School is important. I know it doesn't seem it like now, but in ten years... you won't even barely remember any of this teenage drama you're going through right now."

I push his hand off of my shoulder and walk to the door. "You know what Mr. Roberts?." The handle turns in my hand as I look back over my shoulder at him. "If only you were right." I pull the knob and start to walk out but am interrupted by him saying my name. I turn around in frustration. "Yeah?"

"I expect that you will be in your classes today." Could he be anymore annoying?

"Whatever." And with that, I turn and leave.

--

I've successfully managed to avoid Spencer all day. I didn't hang out in the quad before classes, I made no trips to my locker, I hid in the bathroom stall during break, and went off campus for lunch with Logan. Now I'm standing across the hall from my English Class.

"Ash, come on." Logan grabs my hand and tries to pull me to the door.

I retract my hand and quickly yank on her wrist, spinning her back to me as I crouch a bit behind her to hide myself from the people filing into the classroom. "Stay!"

"What am I, your fucking dog?!" She crosses her arms in annoyance.

I wince a little because it did sound like that. "Yeah well... you're my bitch." I shrug. "So I guess so."

"Why do I even put up with you?" She sighs dramatically.

I glance around her shoulder at the door. Nope. Still no Spencer. "Because you're in love with me."

"You wish!" She scoffs. "That was SO two months ago." I can't help but laugh at that. The bell rings as she puts a hand on my chest and pushes me so that my back hits the lockers behind me. "Last week I couldn't convince you to NOT pick me up after school. Just so you could see Spencer. Now your avoiding her? What is UP with you?"

The hall has mostly cleared of people and I haven't seen Spencer, so it's probably safe to go in. And I don't feel like having this conversation with Logan right now so I walk around her heading for the classroom. "We're going to be late."

--

It's a weird feeling. Relief that the desk beside me is empty. And...grief. That the desk beside me is empty. When she kissed me the other night, I knew in that moment, that she was my other half. My soul mate. There was no doubt in my mind. But now, I'm left wondering if people sometimes miss their chance with the person they are meant to be with. I've never been the person to think about love or fate prior to meeting Spencer. But now I can't stop thinking about it. About her. I've tried drinking. That makes it worse. I've tried watching movies, but they all remind me of her. Listening to music only makes me depressed. I just feel so helpless. There is nothing left to do.

"Sorry. I'm late." I look up at the familiar voice. I watch as Spencer hands a slip to the teacher. She begins to walk this way but as she turns down our row of desks, she stops for a split second, surprised to see me. I take pity on her and look back down at my desk. I don't want her to go through anymore turmoil over me... Our situation. I hear her sit and rummage through her bag.

"OK. Turn to page 158." the teacher instructs. I look around uncomfortably before slouching in my seat. I really should have paid a visit to my locker. "Logan, will you read?"

As Logan begins reciting the words, Mrs. Rollins paces through the row of desks. "Ashley, where is your book?"

I make a face. "In my locker. I can go get-"

"Don't be ridiculous." She interrupts. "Scoot your desk over and share Spencer's." I unconsciously glance over at my ex. She answers the uncertainty in my eyes by telling me it's OK with her own.

"OK. Thanks." I slowly stand up and push the desk over. I cringe at the loud scrapy-squeeky noise it makes as it moves. "Sorry.' I say to the classroom.

"It's OK." Spencer whispers as I sit down. I can't help the small smile that forms as a result of her thinking I was talking to her. She gently slides the book so that it's laying over the tiny crack between our desks.

"Alright. Logan, please continue." Mrs. Rollins begins to pace the rows again.

I pretend to concentrate on reading the page that is opened in front of us. But really, I'm focused on Spencer's hand that is resting on it. Slowly moving, guiding her thumb across the top of the sentences that are being read. Her hands are so perfect. Slender fingers accentuated by manicured fingernails with a clear polish. I try to suppress a sigh, but it's useless. It escaped. And Spencer noticed because her hand stills as she looks over and up at me, her face expressionless. Her hair is tucked behind her left ear, giving me a perfect view of her gorgeous face. The blonde strands of hair on the right have fallen toward the desk and appear to be an even lighter shade of blonde due to the way the light from the window is illuminating them.

I expected her to turn her attention back to the book by now, but she hasn't. I watch as her eyes look over the features of my face. I'm not fooling myself into thinking that she's admiring me the way I am of her. But then she's moving. Leaning over to me. Before I even have time to realize, her hair is in my face as she's whispering into my right ear. "You look tired." She pulls back expecting me to respond. I just shrug and sit forward, trying to match words on the page to Logan's voice. I reach to turn the page at the same time as Spencer and our hands meet. I did have the urge to move it away quickly, but the other urge I had was to revel in the feeling of her touch. She lightly rubs the top of my hand before scooting it down off the book. She then flips through the pages attempting to find the spot that we should be at.

This would be so cute and so perfect, if we were together. If she were mine. I imagine that I could move my hand underneath her desk to rest it lovingly on her thigh. I would lean in close to her and watch as she read a long. Content that it would be OK to share affectionate but secretive touches and glances. We should be together.

I'm brought out of my daze by Spencer's breath in my ear again. "Ash... don't."

It takes me a few seconds to realize what she is whispering to me about. I feel my face increase in temperature as I notice where my hand is. I quickly move it from her leg to my lap and swivel in my seat to shield me from her. Oh. My. God. I did not just do that. That is kind of... humiliating. "Mrs. Rollins?"

"Pass is on this desk, Ashley." She knows me so well.

--

It took about 15 minutes in the bathroom to gain my composure. And another 5 minutes to slowly make my way back to the classroom. When I walked through the door, I was relieved to see that my desk was moved back into it's original position and the teacher was now lecturing. I quickly walk to my desk and sit down.

Logan tosses a note onto my desk. I unfold it and read her barely legible writing.

You better tell me what's going on.

Of course I don't have a pen, so I motion for her to hand me hers. I jot down, My house. Tonight., before folding it back up and throwing it into her lap.

The final bell rings and as I get up to walk with Logan, I feel a poke on my back that makes me shiver slightly. I don't have to turn around to know that it's Spencer, but I do anyway.

"Ash, can I talk to you for a second?" Yes... No... Ugh! Why does she have to have these crazy unreal powers over me?!

"Sure." I look back toward Logan and she nods knowingly before walking out of the classroom.

We glance around the room and shift on our feet awkwardly while we wait for everyone to leave. Just as the last person exits and the door shuts, Spencer speaks. "Will you meet me after practice?"

I'm a little surprised by her question. God, this is so confusing. "Is that a good idea?" I say a little coldly. I can't help it. I don't even know how to describe what I'm feeling at any given second. And these seconds with Spencer are no exception.

"Probably not." She shrugs and tilts her head. "But I want to talk to you. About the other night."

I shake my head. "It's OK, Spence... er." Why is this so hard? "I think we said everything we needed to say, don't you?"

She looks down at the floor for a moment, almost as if in defeat, before she looks up and pierces me with those amazing eyes that are shade of color I had not yet been graced with. "No. I don't." She sighs and pokes me in the stomach. "Just meet me, OK?"

Like I could ever say no to her. "K."

She gives me an unsure smile before nodding and walking past me and out the door.

I'm left alone, feeling more confused than ever, and wondering what the hell I'm going to do for the next hour and half.