Note; this chapter is the first in what I hope will be a long series of issues set in the "cartoon" world, which means that they definitely don't take place in Minerva's "real" life. You can tell when one of these will take place, because of the little "Emotionutty" disclaimer at the start of the chapter, just to let you know.
Minktales
Issue 29
An Emotionutty Cartoon
starring
Minerva Mink
"Minkharishi"
Long, long ago, there was a land in the wilderness, as dry and barren as any in the world. Tempers wore thin, over time, and so, people fell into petty bickering, which escalated into terrible wars.
For a long time, people thought that there was no way to end those wars. Many wanted to, but had no sure method of making peace. Then, however, they heard on the breath of the wind that there was a person who had the power to end their wars; a person known as the Maharishi.
The Maharishi was said to live in the mountains across the desert, where the mountain peaks are warm, but not scorching, so many expeditions were begun for the purpose of exploring the mountains and finding the Maharishi. At last, after years of searching, two men from separate expeditions found the same thing at the same time. A figure, clothed in a tan robe and hood, seated on a mountaintop.
The two men who found the robed figure were angry with one another almost at once, because, you see, they hailed from different sides of the war going on in the desert below, and so the two fought on the edges of that mountaintop, carefully avoiding the robed figure, until one managed to push the other down into the foothills.
The victor of that conflict, whose name was Amil, climbed back to the top of the mountain and spoke to the robed man.
"Are you the Maharishi?" Amil asked.
"There are some who call me that." The robed man replied.
"Please. I seek help in ending the war that has lasted for many generations in the desert below. Can you do this?"
"Yes." the Maharishi replied, "I can, but not alone. There are things I will need from you."
"Anything!" Amil exclaimed, overjoyed to hear that the Maharishi would help him.
"First, get me a glass of fresh lemonade and a pair of dark sunglasses, as well as a bottle of fine perfume. Then come back to me. Do not harm anyone, regardless of whose side they are on in the war, until you have performed this errand."
Amil hurried down the mountainside to fetch the important ingredients that the Maharishi had requested.
A few minutes later, the other man, whose name was Nageem, came climbing up the mountainside, and found the robed figure still sitting there.
"I have been expecting you." the Maharishi said to Nageem, "I am the one you seek; the Maharishi."
Nageem was overjoyed by that, and asked "Maharishi, can you end the war that plagues our people in the desert lands below?"
"Yes," the Maharishi replied, "I can. But first, there are things I need from you. Find me a lady's dress conforming to these specifications and a makeup kit of this type. Then come back to me. Do not harm anyone, regardless of whose side they are on in the war, until you have performed this errand."
As the Maharishi said that, he handed the man a note with special instructions on it, and Nageem, pleased to have a hand in the war's end, rushed off to acquire the items requested.
Getting the items that the Maharishi had wanted proved to be a very difficult and arduous task for both parties, but at last, they climbed back up the same mountain to present their gifts to the Maharishi. Each was displeased to see the other, but neither dared to disobey the Maharishi's instructions by attacking the other, and risk spilling or damaging their hard-earned ingredients.
"Yes," replied the Maharishi, looking over the gifts that had been spread out on the mountaintop, "The perfume and makeup are a bit old, but for our purposes, these will function. Now, follow me, and bring the items that your neighbor came with."
Amil and Nageem found it odd that they should be asked to trade gifts, and odder still that both were being asked to follow the Maharishi, instead of just one, but before they were halfway down the mountain, they found, to their surprise, that they were having an easier time tolerating one another's presence. Something about working together towards a common and worthy goal had helped to mend whatever personal resentments each might have had against the people of the other, and although they still weren't ready to shake hands, by the time they reached the base of the mountain, where the desert stretched out before them, and they could see their people fighting in the distance, neither one could picture killing the other anymore. There was still tension, but the hate was gone.
"Is this the answer, Maharishi?" Nageem asked, "Cooperating together towards a common goal... helping to show us that we can have things in common... This is the means to acquiring peace?"
"You have spoken wisely." the Maharishi replied, "Indeed, the things that different people have in common always exist, whether it be merely a task, a temptation, or a tendency, it binds you together, and so, you can no longer make war on one another. For the two of you, this is answer enough."
However, the Maharishi's head drooped at that moment under the hood, and in only a moment more, the Maharishi spoke again.
"But, I must still keep my promise to you. I must end your war. I must show the men fighting in that field that there is one thing they all have in common, and I must do it all at once. Give me the ingredients that you have brought. I will return shortly."
So, the Maharishi took the gifts from the two men, who had grown wiser from the experience, and each person there considered the trade to be well worth the cost. In a minute more, the Maharishi had disappeared between two hills, and in another fifteen minutes or so, the Maharishi re-emerged, smelling of perfume and some other scents that neither man could place.
"You may follow me, if you like." the Maharishi said to the two men, "As my first students, you deserve to see this, but be careful. I'll be headed into the midst of the battlefield."
"What strange power will he use to end the war?" Amil asked himself silently.
"Will he unite both sides against a new foe?" Nageem thought for only a moment, then dismissed the idea, thinking, "No. That wouldn't bring about peace."
The three figures marched into the middle of the battlefield swiftly and silently, as men waged war around them, and at the last moment, the Maharishi spoke out once more, that time in a different kind of voice; a distinctly female one.
"Oh, boys!"
At once, the hood was pulled back, the robes fell to the ground, and there stood a beautiful, furry Mink wearing makeup and perfume, and a gorgeous lady's dress, that left the arms and much of the legs, and of course the face bare. Her figure was sculpted, her hair and tail were long and golden, and her eyes sparkled with an unearthly radiance that drew in the attention of every man nearby.
Everyone stopped right where they were the moment the beautiful Mink had made her grand unveiling, and they began to feel their hearts pounding, their eyes locked onto hers, and their mouths opening slowly, despite the heat and the sand that would surely make them regret it later. Even Amil and Nageem were utterly mesmerized by the lovely Mink. Some forbidden something-or-other in the back of their minds was trying to tell them it wasn't right, but it was being drowned out completely by the pounding, relentless emotions that assailed every person there. Emotions of desire and want, but also of tenderness and compassion. Not one person there could touch their weapons after that.
All afternoon, the Minkharishi pranced through the desert, casting sidelong glances and pleasant smiles at any man, young or old, who seemed about to commit an act of violence, stopping them in their tracks, and followed by a slow-moving crowd of men, who couldn't stop themselves from staring at her, no matter where she went or what she did.
At last, the Minkharishi's trail took her back to the very mountain where it had all begun, and in moments, she'd ducked behind a foothill and vanished. The men searched and searched for her, but she was gone.
After two days of searching, the men of that desert began to realize that the lovely mink with the golden hair wasn't returning to them, and they weren't sure what to do. Some suggested getting back to the war, but none of them could remember what they'd been fighting over, so it seemed silly to continue.
That was how the war in the desert finally came to an end; with the common realization that all the men who'd been fighting it, though they'd tried long and hard to deny it, truly had something in common.
"Well, I'd call that a day well spent." Minerva Mink said with a smile as she looked over the desert she'd just brought peace to, "Plus, I got some free perfume and a nice dress out of the deal, and that's good too. I wonder what I'll find in the next time period."
With these words hanging in the air, Minerva picked up her things and left, and no man in those lands ever picked up a weapon again.
The End
Minerva: "Well, that was a lot of fun, but something tells me things are about to get un-pretty being me again. My best friend Trudy has been real silent lately, and she isn't even enjoying the celebration either. I hope I find out what's bothering her… or should I? Next time on Minktales!"
Hi. I have a few things I think I ought to share now that issue 30 is fast approaching. First, that although I still love the concept, character and unique humor or Minerva Mink, and still depend upon her for my own emotional well-being, I'm gonna have to slow down. What this means for those who read Minktales is that you might see one chapter every three or four nights, rather than every night, as it's been. I'll definitely keep this pace up through issue 31, meaning a whole month of Minktales has gone by (and I loved every second) but after that, I've gotta take a breather. There are several reasons for this, one of which is the noticeable problems Fanficnet seems to be having at the moment, and another is simply that I'm feeling more pressed to come up with good gags and such in a limited time than I'd like. Giving myself a few nights to check over and proofread each story, or just a couple days to come up with a really good inspiration (chapter 33 I'm writing on an awesome inspiration) seems like the sensible thing to do.
Also, I've heard someone say that Minerva seemed malicious in this last chapter, to which my reply is simply, "You can never be sure, can you?" Minerva sometimes causes harm to others by accident, and plainly doesn't understand why they're acting so strange, and yet at other times she DOES understand, and toys with them on purpose; a common theme in Newt-based stories. So when she does something to someone that really hurts them, no one can be sure whether it's because she doesn't like them and is punishing them, or because she LOVES them and is getting carried away with her own feelings, similarly to the motive confusion of Yakko, Wakko and Dot (Do they understand? Do they not understand?) or the Addams Family (pretty much the same thing). Minerva is so sexy, it can be morbid, if she's not careful.
