Revenge is a dish best served as humble pie.
Glee
Pairing: Rachel Berry/Quinn Fabray
Author: myIllusion
Rating: M
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters-no copyright infringement intended.
I think this reads a bit choppy. I will probably go back and refine it but I promised to update so here it is. Thanks so much for the great reviews. I hope you stick around to see what happens.
Chapter XXIX. The Sing Off
Act II, Scene V: Mission Mutants Continued.
"What could a tree remember anyway Sue? Trees don't have brains so how could they have memories? And why do you prefer Oak? Why not Elm or Ash? Those are also hardwoods. If trees do, indeed, have memories I would imagine them to be traumatic! How can you have happy memories of being a tree when you are really just a chair?"
For the first time in her life Sue Sylvester was truly Stumped!
She had no comeback, no snappy retort. She had nothing. Nada. Zippo. Zilch. It took a moment but she finally recovered from the hasty departure of her sarcasm.
This was it. Sue noticed the glazed over look in Figgins eyes, the sweat around his shirt collar, and the trembling of his hands. Poor old Figgins has finally left the building and a Pod Person has taken control of the school. She didn't know if she should humor his request and play along with the insanity; or, dash back to her office to retrieve the straight jacket she always kept on hand.
She opted for the riskier, but undoubtedly more entertaining notion of hearing him out. This rambling request for Sue's enlightenment on the emotional health of 'Trees' was very intriguing to the Cheerio Coach. This had the feel of something familiar.
Sue Sylvester and Mr. Figgins
Mr. Figgins was perched on the edge of his chair, wringing his hands together, completely unaware of his fractured appearance.
"Do you remember being chopped down and falling over? Only to be divided into parts that become a seat? Or a spindle? Or an armrest? What about the trees that become paper Sue? Have you ever tried to be a book? Do you feel the pain those paper pages suffered at the pulp mill? Do you retain the knowledge of the book you become? "
Sue was fairly certain that the CraZy Figgins was spouting had something to do with a certain Practical Joker. In fact, she really hoped it was true because all the fun would go out of her life if Figgins was really nuts. She liked him the way he was. Stupid, gullible, and easy to manipulate. Her safest bet would be to try and answer his zany questions. Maybe she would gain some insight as to what all this tree nonsense might mean.
Sue was certain that the Chinese Vampire was in this up to her prosthetic fangs. Of course Sue agreed to MC the Sing Off for the gleeks. Anything to stick it to William Schuester. He will be beside himself when he gets his pampered behind back to work tomorrow and finds out Sue was meddling with his talentless flock of tweeting, cuckoo birds. He had the nerve to call in sick at the last minute. Who does he think he's fooling? The flu? Really William? Does he think no one will notice that the Pilsbury Gingerbread Nut was out today too?
"Are you even listening to me Sue? Why are you here anyway? Didn't you find out everything you needed to know while spying on my meeting with Mr. Everson? Well, you don't have to share your happy tree trance secrets with me. I was simply trying to understand something about your lifestyle."
Happy Tree Trance? Lifestyle? Spying on his meeting with Everson?
"What are you talking about Figgins? I was not spying on your meeting with Everson. I didn't even know you had a meeting with Everson." She was getting mad now. How dare he accuse Sue Sylvester of spying on him!
"Don't lie Sue I saw you in my office. I would recognize your Red Adidas anywhere. I also caught Ms. Brittany Pierce carrying you out of my office. She told me how you forget to change back from your chair form because you get lost in YOUR HAPPY TREE TRANCE!"
Mr. Figgins shouted that last part at Sue. He loosened his tie and started to pace about his office. He was pointing his finger at an empty space in front of his desk and muttering. "Right there! You were right in that spot on the carpet." He redirected his finger to Sue and waggled it in her face before continuing his rant.
"I know about your little Mutant war Sue. I know about all of you, which is why I am taking a leave of absence. Congratulations Sue, you will have the run of the school while I am gone. Just try and keep your freakish friends from tearing it to pieces."
Brittany Pierce carried her out of his office? Mutant war? Leave of absence? Now we're getting somewhere! Figgins is leaving? Because of a Mutant war ? Okay Sue think. No don't think Sue just do. Do!
"I'll tell you what Figgins. I will tell you all about my Happy Tree Trance after the seventh hour assembly. I promised that Chang girl I would referee the gleeks Diva Sing Off in the Auditorium. We'll be cutting the seventh hour short so the student body can witness the mind numbing talents of William's performing pariahs."
Figgins started to sputter. His face became red and Sue thought he was going to choke.
"Who authorized this assembly Sue? I did not authorize this assembly!"
"You really need to lighten up on the amount of Spicy Curry you consume every week Figgins. You look like a rocket ready for lift off. Take a deep breath and calm down... that's it man... calm down!"
He hadn't really shown any signs of relaxing but Sue just plowed on as if he had.
"Now listen to me Figgins. The reason I'm here now, is to get your authorization for the seventh hour assembly. But before I could even ask, you delved into my very sensitive, personal, private matters. I'll have you know that being different is not a crime and just because I haven't come out in the open about my...my... my...condition."
She allowed her voice to crack and buried her face within her hands to keep him from seeing her laughter.
"Now Sue," The ire was gone from his voice. "I'm sorry that I was insensitive to your ah... condition, as you choose to call it. However, if you had not been in my office during my meeting we wouldn't be having this conversation. "
He patted her shoulder awkwardly before continuing.
"I don't see the harm in allowing the students to watch the glee club perform. It is friday afternoon after all, they will only be thinking about the upcoming weekend and not their studies. Let's go make the announcement and proceed to the auditorium."
Finally, Mr. Figgins thought. I have finally received confirmation that I am not going insane. Sue basically admitted that she was a Mutant to me. Maybe all was not lost if he could get her to work with him. He would have to supervise this impromptu performance by the glee club, however. Some of those students had very disturbing 'conditions'. With that final thought he opened the top drawer of his desk, grabbed his dark sunglasses and the ear plugs that he swiped from the nurses office.
...
Tina, Mike, Sam, Mercedes, Puck, Lauren,Brittany, Santana, Kurt, Artie
(sixth hour in the choir room)
Tina Cohen Chang entered the choir room and made an announcement.
"All right everyone, you can thank me now for getting you out of class."
The Goth girl was at her Bad in Black best. She was wearing three inch heels, netted stockings, a leather skirt, a leather vest with the top two buttons undone displaying her ample cleavage unabashedly. Her dark cascading hair was swept up into a tiny, impossibly tight bun. Her wrists were clad in leather cuffs studded with rhinestones. Her neck was adorned with a thick choker by which the center was imbedded with an oval jewel. Everything was rich dark Black. Except for the accents, which were Blood Red; the nail polish, the earrings, the rhinestones, the lipstick, the Ruby at her throat and last but not least, the tinted contact lenses.
Holy Mother of God!
Tina paused for a moment to allow her words to settle upon her fellow gleeks, who were all preoccupied with goofing around on the various tiers throughout the choir room. For a quiet girl, Tina knew how to capture an audiences attention. She didn't raise her voice, she spoke surely, calmly and with authority. The advantage of being quiet and somewhat understated is that; when you really do have something to say, people usually stop to listen. It also didn't hurt that her costume was hot enough to stop rush hour traffic.
The entire room was suddenly very quiet. Even Lauren Zizes slowly stopped munching on her animal crackers to stare vapidly at the exotic nightmare figure come to life.
"I need some victims." Tina exclaimed. She eyed them fiercely before flashing them a devilish grin.
"Dude!" " Oh...Snap!"
"Pick me baby!"... leer..."oof.", Lauren retracted her elbow from Pucks ribs before replying with her standard. "Interesting."
Clap,clap..."Yay!"
"Hmmph!..I was a hotter Vamp on halloween, but dammit Chang those fangs look so real!"
"Kurt looks like he's going to faint." Artie pointed helpfully at the boy diva, who had turned a very pale color, before commenting on his former girlfriends gettup.
"Tina, I must say whoever did the work,..." he ogled her from head to toe. "... did an exemplary job, your fangs do, indeed, look very authentic... and hot!"
"Hey!" Mike leapt off the third tier to pounce on Artie but was cut off by his very intimidating girlfriend.
"Not now Mike! I love it when you're jealous bobo, but remember what we talked about earlier today? You promised you would go along, no matter what?"
"Bobo?" Kurt regained his color upon hearing Tina's pet name for her 'tall, dark and handsome twinkle toes,' which was Kurt's (secret) pet name for the boy.
"Enough!" Tina threatened, her voice was low and raspy.
"We don't have much time, so I brought the necessary supplies. Kurt, Santana, Brittany, I need your skills." She held up the tote bag she had hauled into the choir room. "The rest of you come down to the bottom row and sit still."
Curiosity alone was enough to make them behave. Puck, Santana, and Brittany knew what was going on of course, but the rest of them were in the dark. Still, they followed orders. Tina playing Sexy, Domineering Vampire was actually quite titillating.
"You all need to look bitten. Now lets get started on the make-up." She pointed at Puck, who was wearing a simple black tank top, ripped at the knee blue jeans and army boots. "He needs to have several bite marks. One on his shoulder, I think another on his stomach right above the hip bone, and of course, one upon the neck."
They were all looking at her a little wildly; Tina was really good at being a hot, bossy Vampire.
"Yeah Baby!" Puck nodded his head with anticipation. "Owww, dude just goin' along with orders man." He rubbed his arm. Mike managed to reach across Sam and punch him in the shoulder.
"Bobo is so cute when he gets jelly isn't he San?" Santana smirked and nodded at Brittany while shooting Tina a sly wink. Which was the Latina's way of welcoming the Goth girl to their team. Tina returned the wink and offered them both a sinister smile.
"She really has the scary 'I'll suck you dry' look down." Lauren Zizes approved. The wrester had no idea what was going on but she didn't care. She never knew what was going with this group of idiots but it was always perversely fun, and filled to the brim with angst and drama. She loved glee!
As Kurt, Santana and Brittany began the process of creating bite marks Tina brought them up to speed.
"Now, let me explain what is going to happen during glee. Mr. Schue is absent today - they couldn't find a sub to replace him in time. Glee practice was cancelled but instead, a surprise assembly will be held seventh hour. Coach Sylvester is, at this very moment informing Mr. Figgins that we are having a special Sing Off competition. The student body will judge and the winner will be chosen based upon the level of applause. Mr. Figgins will probably have a fit, at some point, and try to stop the performance. Which is a good thing because only one of us has practiced a number."
"Me!"
"Now, I will need some back up on this song I'm going to sing."
...
Ten Things that Rachel knew.
1) Mr. Figgins would seek out Ms. Pilsbury wearing a Hazmat suit.
2) That confrontation would occur in the very early morning.
3) Ms. Pilsbury would freak out upon seeing the Hazmat suit.
4) Ms. Pilsbury would run to Mr. Schuester.
5) Mr. Shuester would call in sick.
6) Finn Hudson thought he knew who the Skunker was.
7) Finn Hudson would try and tattle to Mr. Figgins.
8) Mr. Figgins would be a ripe tomato.
9) Sue Sylvester would jump on the chance to stick it to Mr. Shuester.
10) Mr. Figgins would flip out during the Sing Off.
In conclusion: Rachel knew that if one, or any of the above anticipated reactions failed to bear fruit; she had plan B. She always had a plan B. And a plan C.
Her goal was to rattle Mr. Figgins. He was, at best: harmlessly naive. At worst: harmfully incompetent, self serving, and willfully ignorant.
The silent majorty of the student body suffered because he played at being an ostrich. He stuck his head in the sand pretending not to see the ugly truth surrounding him. Rachel had given him many opportunities to see the reality of his lack of leadership and dicipline. If he would not see the dysfunction running rampant at McKinley High School then she would make McKinley High School see his dysfunction.
...
The Sing Off
Mr. Figgins and Sue Sylvester took their time in getting to the auditorium so they could supervise the general chaos in the hallways. The students were excited for the assembly, not necessarily because of the glee clubs performance, but mainly because it got them out of class.
Mickey Everson nearly plowed Sue over in a mad rush to beat the other students to the good seats. He was grabbed roughly by the shirt collar and shaken thoroughly before being scolded.
"Everson, if I have to tell you one more time not to run in these hallways I will own you for a week. I will make you learn to hate running. Do you understand me?" Sue was up in the boys face, not caring a whit that his father was the president of the School Board.
Micky Everson is another Dimension. Don't ever touch him. If you do you will be transported to an alternate reality and not even know the switch occurred. You will be living your other You's life and Your other You will be living yours.
Mr. Figgins watched the exchange between Coach Sylvester and the son of the School Board president with big eyes. He took a cautious step back and away from them. He did not want to touch Mickey Everson. Sue finally released the boy only to notice that Figgins was white as a sheet. His eyes were about to pop out of his head and she wondered if he was going to get into one of his 'excessive force' rants.
"How do I know that You are You Sue?...and... not your other You?"
Nope! No worries about excessive force.
"How do I know that You are You Figgins?" Sue countered. She could play this game.
He didn't touch me Sue. Mr. Mickey Everson sends people to their other Dimension. How do I know that You are not the You from Your other Dimension?
Sue shrugged her shoulders and simply replied. "I'm immune to him."
"Ah... I see." He nodded his head and they strolled down the hallway toward the Auditorium.
Poor Mr. Figgins. All he could see were the Mutants in the crowd. The closer he got to the Auditorium the more anxious he became. The list from his Anonymous Admirer was playing on rewind through his mind.
Azimo Adams becomes a Blob. He turns into a rolling ball of gel and sucks up all organic objects in his path. There is nothing you can do if he should shift in your presence. He can squeeze and flow through any crack, or crevice until he gets what he wants.
David Karofsky is an Ogre. The mean kind. Not the nice kind like Shrek.
Coach Shannon Beiste really is a Beasty. Her appetite matches a pride of hungry lions, she holds the strength and stamina of a hundred oxen and like a dragon; she breathes fire. If she ever starts to shout at you the game is over. You will become a crispy crunchy kabob before you have the time to blink twice. She loves scorching her meat; she likes it crispy on the outside but juicy and tender on the inside. Remember it is very important not to get her angry.
Mr. Simmons turns into a whirling dirvish at will.
William Schuester is a were/whatever. Each full moon he changes into something different. He never knows what it will be but it's always a creature. He has never turned into the same thing twice. Last month he was a Mallard Duck. Remember the duck that Brittany Pierce brought in for show and tell and then forgot it in her locker? That was William Schuester. His transformation only lasts for a fourty eight hour period by which he remembers absolutely nothing. He mutation is rather useless as he requires constant care during the duration of his transformation.
Quinn Fabray is A Gorgon. She can turn you into stone with a penetrating stare. Your soul gets trapped forever. Never, ever, ever, never make extended eye contact with her. It would be best to wear dark glasses in her presence. She can still turn you to stone while you are wearing them but she'll probably be less tempted if she doesn't think you are looking at her. Don't look at her at all if you want to move on to another life when you are done with this one.
Your best option Mr. Figgins is to ignore these people at all costs. Don't interfere in any way with their private war or else you will find yourself swept into the center of the storm.
By the time they entered the auditorium Mr. Figgins was nervous and twitching at shadows. He decided it would be best to stand against the wall on the side of the auditorium. That way he could keep an eye on the students in the crowd and still enjoy the performances. Or, try and enjoy the performances. One half hour was all that was left of his day. One half hour and he would be safe and free.
All the students were settled in their seats talking quietly and waiting for the show to begin. Coach Sylvester left Mr. Figgins leaning by himself against the wall. It was her duty to announce the performers, control the crowd and decide the winner based on the reaction from the audience.
The lights were dimmed except for the spotlights on stage. Sue was at a podium off to the side, she tapped the microphone - it made a crackling sound that echoed throughout the room.
"Alright then. Lets get on with it. Our glee club Diva's are competing with one another for a solo performance in the upcoming Sectionals competition. It is your job to applaud loudly for the performance you think is best. When all four performances are finished we'll bring the soloists back on stage for you to make the final decision.
"Our first performer is Ms. Tina Cohen Chang. She will be singing "Loving You" The glee club will sing the back up harmonies on all of the performances."
Sue nodded at the stage hand to open the curtain.
"Gasp...whoah!...sshhssh...gah... oh my god... wow...whistle...snicker...Hot Mama...is that real blood? shssh... Ack!
Tina was center stage in all her Vampire Glory.
Mr. Figgins nearly fainted with what he saw. That combined with the song Ms. Tina Cohen Chang had chosen to sing had him paralyzed. Ms. Minnie Riperton's version of 'Loving You' was his all time favorite song. Minnie Riperton was an Angel. And now, that...that...that... Vampire was going to defile his favorite song. He had a whole thread on his Secret MySpace account devoted to Minnie Riperton. No, he could not allow that Vampire to sing.
What is going on with the rest of the glee club performers? They look so strange.
The gleeks were spread around the stage behind Tina on strategically placed risers. Some of the them were leaning lazily back upon their elbows with their legs stretched out and ankles crossed. Others were sitting upright but looking dazed and dreamy eyed. Quinn Fabray was sprawled across a bench lying on her stomach, laying her head in Brittany Pierce's lap.
Noah Puckerman was sitting on the floor gazing up at Tina as though she were a goddess. He wasn't wearing a shirt and the bite marks upon his body stood out red and raw upon his tawny skin. Santana Lopez, Kurt Hummel and Rachel Berry were standing behind Tina, swaying to and fro like Zombies. The most shocking display of all was Sam Evans.
Evans was lying listlessly on the floor. He looked dead! There was a puddle of something very blood like, dripping from two red bite marks on his neck. They all had bite marks on their necks. I was being told that Ms. Chang did not feed off human blood! Mr. Figgins seethed silently to himself. He would put a stop to this charade. He would go up there and shut them down now! But then the piano started to play and that...that Vampire started to sing.
Loving you
Is easy because you're beautiful...
Tina's smooth, honey toned voice was perfect for the song and once she finished the first phrase she flashed her grin at the crowd showing off her fangs. The audience visibly balked at her devilish smile but realized it was part of the show. Some of the kids were giggling, really enjoying the extra effort that had been put in to the costumes and showmanship.
Making love with you
Is all I want to do...
Tina turned her attention to her back up singers. Her voice was hauntingly clear and compelling; captivating the whole of the auditorium.
She strutted along the risers, touching and fondling her victims. Stroking Lauren's cheek, patting Puck upon the head, bending over to press a chaste kiss upon Quinn's bitten neck. She touched and caressed each glee club member in some small way, making it clear to any who watched that she was marking them as her own.
When she turned back round to face the crowd, she ran her tongue along the length of her bottom lip. Her Blood Red lip. She flashed her fangs at the audience once more before launching into the next verse.
Loving you
Is more than just a dream come true...
And everything that I do
Is out of loving you...
la,la,la,la...la,la,la,la,... do,dum,do,do,do,dooo...(super duper high note coming)
And just as she got to the really incredible, almost impossible high note - Kurt stepped forward to nail it cleanly.
"aaha..aaaahaa..aaah."
The crowd roared, delighted by the timing and surprise of the switch.
Tina gestured invitingly to the wings off stage. Mike Chang appeared making a graceful entrance; gliding effortlessly to the easy rhythm of the song, creating fancy footwork before he spun into a pirouette. It ended with him skidding to a stop and sinking upon his knees in front of Tina. He bowed his head to stare at the floor and wait. Wait for her to notice him. She ran the nail of her index finger along the line of his jaw until it reached his chin. Very gently she cupped his face, forcing him to look up at her. Her red glowing eyes were hypnotizing, they gleamed in the spotlight as she sang to her spellbound boyfriend.
No one else can make me feel
The colors that you bring...
Stay with me while we grow old...
And we will live each day in spring time...
This was acting and yet it wasn't. The audience was drawn in to the drama of the two, who appeared to be deeply in love. But it was also ironic; that such a sweet, ethereal love song was being performed so avidly by a girl who looked like Hells Evil Spawn.
She pulled Mike up to his feet, clasping his hand tightly, swinging it back and forth as she began the la, la, la's.
la,la,la,la...la,la,la,la,... do,dum,do,do,do,dooo...(super duper high note coming)
This time it was Santana Lopez who stepped forward to take on the high note.
"aaha..aaaahaa..aaah."
Again, the audience was thrilled by such diversity.
At this point Mr. Figgins was having a melt down. He put the dark sunglasses on because he noticed Quinn Fabray was looking into the crowd as though she was searching for someone specific. He didn't want her to turn her Gorgon gaze upon him. But what was really upsetting him was Rachel Berry. Kurt Hummel had taken the high note in the first verse of the song and Santana Lopez had taken it in the second. Rachel Berry was the third singer standing behind Ms. Chang. She would be taking the high note for the last verse.
Rachel Berry is a Banshee Warrior Princess. She shatters minds with a sonic scream. If she ever hits a high C while giving a performance your head will explode. I recommend sitting in the back row of the glee club performances as well as wearing ear plugs.
No! He could not let Rachel Berry sing that last high note and blow up the minds of every student in this school. He pulled the earplugs out of his pocket and readied himself for action as that Vampire started her last verse.
This time Tina waved to the whole audience and offered them a genuine smile. The shy, sweet smile of Tina Cohen Chang. She encouraged them all to sing along. Most of the kids in the auditorium joined in, humming along if they didn't know the words, softly accompanying the Goth girl in the last verse.
Because loving you...
Has made my life so beautiful...
And every day of my life
Is filled with loving you...
Loving you...
I see your soul come shining through...
And everytime that we...
Oh I'm more in love with you...
Just as Tina started the last la,la's - Mr. Figgins pounced. He jumped onto the stage wearing his dark sunglasses and his yellow spongy earplugs, shouting and screaming for people to cover their ears.
Tina watched him shout at the audience but continued to do her la, la,la, la's.
la,la,la,la...la,la,la,la,... do,dum,do,do,do,dooo...(super duper high note coming)
"Get down children. Cover your ears. Don't listen anymore. Get down I say." Mr. Figgins was screaming from the center of the stage. He looked like a madman with his dark glasses, his yellow earplugs, and manic arm waving, the jumping up and down, and shouting and screaming. So crazy, in fact, that the students finally did get frightened. Of HIM!
Brad continued to play the piano while Tina finished her do, dum, do,do,do, doooos.
And Rachel stepped forward to sing that last high note.
"aaha..aaaahaa..aaah."
To Be Continued.
Thanks so much to those of you who to continue to read and review. :)
