A/N: I have scads to thank for reviews: Tito the Torable, SaviorEmmaJones, Bosma17, 25, The romantic insanity, red neo ranger, Kidzin, Ayeobe, Bleach power, Dragon and Sword Master, RSK1066, Dashita Tichou, KitElizaKing, jobanansan, NieveDrop, Eradona, Assault Godzilla, The Last Kenpachi, and Zelenal. And thank you to anyone who put this or its author on their list. It's been quite a while, dear readers, but I do hope you enjoy this.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Bleach characters, manga, anime, movies, etc. They belong by copyright laws to Tite Kubo et al.
The Kurosaki Affair
Bankai
Ichigo dropped his bag on the nearest chair when he arrived home the following Tuesday and sighed with exhaustion. Tempted to stretch out on the sofa and fall asleep there, he vaguely remembered that he still had a houseguest and that it wouldn't look good for him to laze around while said guest had yet to eat dinner. Grumbling internally, the future king dragged his feet to the kitchen and opened the cupboards in hopes that there would be inspiration forthcoming. When nothing came, he tried the same with the refrigerator and got nothing.
Turning around to ask Byakuya what he wanted to eat, Ichigo became aware of the fact that no one had come to greet him. The living room was empty and after a brief probe with his reiatsu, he found that no one appeared to be in the house at all. He couldn't recall the captain telling him he wouldn't be home that evening but the daiko was so tired that it wouldn't have been a surprise if he'd forgotten completely. Kon and Chappy made a habit of wandering the neighborhood so it wasn't uncommon for them not to be here precisely when he got home.
A pounding on the door brought him out of his confusion and he went to answer it even though he could feel that it was his old man on the other side. Figuring that the old coot actually needed something, he didn't think twice about why the ex-Shinigami was stopping by at an odd time. "What's up?" he asked, instinctively moving to the side in case Isshin was in his crazy state. It was always a good idea to err on the side of caution around the elder Kurosaki.
"Just came by to see the fruit of my loins," Isshin grinned, moving into the room when he was invited. He'd have to time the next part out just right to keep his attack from being avoided. Ichigo had gotten good at countering his attacks.
Ichigo scowled, the old man's turn of phrase grating on his nerves. "Exhausted, hungry and wondering where the rest of my household is."
"Oh, well, the mod souls have taken a walk around the neighborhood and I do believe Byakuya had to take a trip back to the Soul Society to take care of something that had to do with his division. It seems you're all alone here for the moment. I thought I'd pop by to see if you'd like to order in and hang out with your old man for a bit. Soon you'll be a married man and be so engrossed with your lovely bride, you won't take any notice outside your own home."
Figuring his dad was at least half serious, Ichigo nodded and leaned against the sink. "Sure, I guess we can do that. Didn't really want to cook anyway. Hey, why don't we order from that new place by the station? I think I got the menu here somewhere…" Ichigo turned his back on his dad and that's when Isshin sprung.
Knocking his son unconscious, the good doctor used Rukia's old glove to separate the Spirit Prince from his body and placed a small, well-practiced kido on him to restrain him should he wake up before they were in the Soul Society. Hauling him onto his back, the former captain left the house, making sure to lock the door behind him.
He left Ichigo's body where it lay on the floor.
Ichigo roused slowly, his head aching and a distinctly familiar kido binding his arms. When he opened his eyes, he saw a room full of people he thought were his friends and several he only had a passing acquaintance with. Glaring at the guilty parties, he tried to decide who to massacre first. "Which dumbass came up with this idea?"
Toushiro, a scowl of equal measure on his face, pointed over his shoulder at Ikkaku, Renji and his old captain. "Take a guess."
"And you went along with it?" his orange haired friend demanded.
"I was informed that this had been sanctioned by the old geezers. I was also informed that I could not get out of this because I was a groomsman. Thank you for that," the white-haired captain groused.
"I don't care if the old geezers said it was okay. I don't want a bachelor party. The only thing that's going to happen is you're all going to get drunk and make a mess of things. I have work in the morning. I can't stay up all night cleaning up after you lot."
"Yare, yare, Kurosaki-kun. We took that into consideration. We won't be here any more than a few hours. A little food, a little comradery . It's a chance for those of us unable to attend your wedding to give you our best wishes." Kyoraku lifted a sake saucer to him and sipped at it.
"Truly, Ichigo-kun," Ukitake seconded. "Since all of us captains can't be in the Living World at once normally, we thought this was a good substitute. Don't worry, we ran it by the soutaicho and he agreed. In fact, as soon as he has finished at the First, he'll be joining us."
Ichigo watched the group nod in understanding or agreement and suddenly felt a tad guilty. He knew not everyone could come to wedding and had thought the second wedding would have taken care of those left out, but he could see that this was done as a guarantee that they got to give him their blessings. "Fine," he said ungraciously. "But no, and I repeat no, ridiculous games, or excessive drinking. If things get out of hand, you'll regret it."
"Of course, my dear boy!" Isshin agreed a little too readily.
"I mean it, Dad." Ichigo broke the kido holding him and flexed his arms to get the circulation back in them. "I won't be holding back because you're my friends if you screw up," he warned. Looking at his father, he missed Urahara's grin.
He should have known better.
Rukia had sensed Ichigo's arrival and knew that he was currently being forced to go along with whatever nonsense Renji had come up with. She gave him an hour before he realized that whatever promises the male half of the Gotei had made weren't going to last. In the meantime, she'd go with her bridesmaids and have a nice evening of companionable conversation.
Rangiku was there when she came out of her office, her fellow lieutenant in one of the many outfits she'd gotten while stationed in the Living World at some point. The busty adjunct was always up on the latest fashion and since this was a "Western" party, was obviously not about to let the opportunity pass her by to wear some of her collection.
"Are you ready to party?"
The petite Shinigami raised a brow at the bright question, the elder woman's voice telling her that Rangiku had started the celebrations early. "I am ready to relax," Rukia allowed. Noticing the gift bag in her friend's hand, the lieutenant of Squad Thirteen tilted her head in curiosity. "What is that?"
"A gift, what else? It's a party for the bride, one must have gifts."
"I believe that is traditionally done during a bridal party. However, as this is a sedate party, one could argue that this is more bridal party than bachelorette. I appreciate the gesture, Rangiku-san."
"My pleasure. Now come on. Nanao asked that we rescue her from the chaos her captain left." Rukia followed the other woman out, nodding to her subordinates when they bade her good evening.
They made a pitstop at the Eighth, Nanao looking up with gratitude when they arrived. She made a quick escape with her friends, pretending she didn't hear the pleas from her fellow seated officers as she left the division. Pausing only to grab something in her quarters, the trio of women quickly left the Gotei's grounds in favor of the myriad streets of the Seireitei and the aristocrats' manors.
The guest of honor was greeted by the Kasumiōji servants enthusiastically. Shown to the large receiving room, Rukia was surprised when both her human and Shinigami friends greeted her. It really shouldn't have been unexpected, as she knew how thorough Nanao was in planning things. Tatsuki had even come, despite worries that the passage into the other dimension might harm her child. Since Yoruichi was standing next to her, her concerns must have been addressed and worked around thanks to a genius they all knew.
"Ladies, having you all here is a blessing. Thank you for coming," Rukia said, bowing lowly.
Rurichiyo smiled with welcome and ushered them into the room. "You may place any gifts here and take a seat wherever you feel comfortable. I have ordered that only your favorite foods are to be served, Lady Rukia. It is my hope that you enjoy tonight's entertainments."
"I am sure I will," Rukia answered. She missed the mischievous grin Rangiku shot Nanao and the others.
"Lieutenant Kuchiki, I believe my present is in order first," Unohana stated, the Fourth's head calmly sipping some slushy concoction they'd found from the World of the Living.
"Oh?"
"Indeed." Displacing a kido, the healer revealed Masaki sitting quietly behind her.
"Kurosaki-san!" Rukia exclaimed in delight.
"Captain Unohana kindly sprung me for the evening. Since I was released into her custody, I can return in the morning if the need arises." Masaki hugged her son's fiancée tightly.
Yoruichi toasted the reunion, having already greeted the other woman earlier. They still had much to catch up on, but it wasn't as pressing as it had been before. Tatsuki let out a gasp next to her and she feared the young woman had gone into early labor from the shock. She knew she should have warned her.
"Kurosaki-san?" the martial artist gasped out loud, one hand to her extended womb. "They said they'd found you but…"
"Tatsuki-chan, you have grown into a beautiful woman. I am so pleased my son has such good friends around him. Don't worry, we'll spend time catching up but let's get this party started, yes? I do believe some food is in order. We don't want the pregnant women getting grouchy."
Rukia nodded in whole-hearted agreement, having seen Tatsuki when her stomach was ruling. She'd almost sent Ichigo into a brick wall when he didn't get her something fast enough. The brunette seemed to have remembered the same thing because she blushed to the roots of her hair. Yoruichi for her part pretended innocence and the ice wielder wondered just what she'd done to her household in a fit of hunger.
"Excellent," Rurichiyo exclaimed. "Bring on the feast. And some more of these cocktail thingies. They're quite delicious."
"You should probably pace yourself, dear," Unohana advised, snatching one of the slush drinks from Yoruichi's hand. When the former Stealth Squad commander made to grab it back, she was given a pointed look and gave up with a huff. "Unless I miss my guess, these have quite a bit of alcohol in them."
"You'd be correct, Unohana-san," Orihime smiled, casting a quick look at her petite friend. "I thought Rukia might enjoy it. It's called a Strawberry Daiquiri. The rum can really give you a kick if you don't watch it."
"Nice choice, Hime," Tatsuki said, grinning at the Shinigami in question. "Seeing as she just loves strawberries."
Those who'd been there for her little drunken lapse started snickering and it took all of two seconds for the rest of the crowd to figure out their meaning and join in. "I should freeze you," Rukia grumbled but there wasn't any heat in the words. It was an empty threat and they knew it.
Instead, the lieutenant grabbed the glass she'd been handed and took a large sip of the special cocktail. Coughing at the amount of rum that burned its way down her throat, Rukia set it aside in favor of the first course set in front of her. She'd just eat first and then see where the night took her. The rest of the group was currently too busy coming up with jokes about fruit to see that they'd temporarily lost her.
It was when she was half-way through her rice that Rukia realized it'd gotten quiet. Unsure if that was a good thing or not, she glanced around the room to assess the situation. Nemu was eyeing her with scientific interest, no doubt cataloguing the effects of the daiquiri. Rangiku was clearly already at her limit, the woman's shirt half off. Ichigo's mother was looking at the whole spectacle with amusement and the future queen had to suddenly wonder what else the group of women had up their sleeves.
"Alright, spill. What games have you conjured? I know you've got something planned. Most of you are members of the SWA."
"We are too," Orihime admitted, indicating Tatsuki and herself.
"Since when?"
"Oh, since that showing of your first date… At least, I was. Tatsuki got added to the roster tonight."
"Ah…"
"Speaking of the first date movie, I believe a reshowing is in order," Yoruichi said, her fangs glinting in the lamp light. "Indeed, it seems just the thing considering the wedding is right around the corner."
"Shall I set it up, Lady Yoruichi?" Soifon asked, having kept silent until then.
"If you and Kurotsuchi would be so kind," the demon cat answered. Chugging back a slushy that she'd been told was alcohol free, Yoruichi made herself comfortable on the cushions and grinned while Rukia turned red.
"Oh, oh, then we have to show the video where she goes all badass on her brother after he finds out she and Ichigo were sleeping together in college," Rangiku insisted.
"There's a video of that?" Rukia squeaked.
"You can thank Ishida," Tatsuki chuckled. "I heard he made a nice profit off of it."
"It was a favorable transaction," Unohana said.
"Does Nii-sama know?"
"Not at present."
"Does Ichigo know?"
"Not at present."
"Just lovely. I have to live with them, you know." Rukia had a sneaking suspicion that by the end of the night, both her brother and Ichigo would know all about the second video.
"But we don't…" Nanao returned, her voice a little tipsy. In fact, her entire body was a little tipsy. Maybe they should stop handing out those cocktails.
"Very funny…"
"Oh, what's the worst that can happen?" Rangiku asked.
Momo, another party goer who had stayed silent until then finished her meal delicately before answering. "I've heard that Kurosaki-kun and Shiro-kun are quite alike in some things. How do you think Shiro-kun would react?"
"Like the blasted teenager he is. Ichigo's much more mature than he used to be. I'm sure he wouldn't go all bankai over something like that. No, he'd save it for something else." A thought niggled at the back of the busty adjunct's mind, but the rum was making it impossible for her to get at it.
"And I'm sure the guys will have nothing like that thought up. After all, the 'old geezers' approved it," Rukia said sardonically.
"Exactly," Rangiku agreed.
Looking at Unohana, Rukia lifted a brow regally. "She does remember that the old geezers are the original troublemakers, doesn't she?"
"I wouldn't worry too much, my dear. The soutaicho will be making an appearance. He'll put a stop to anything unsavory."
Rukia shook her head and could only hope the commander of their troops got there before anything bad happened.
Ichigo knew when his father insisted on showing a previously unseen video that the rest of the night was shot. Ishida, looking quite pleased with himself stood to one side fiddling with the AV equipment that had mysteriously shown up ten minutes ago and the daiko dreaded what that meant. "You're nuts," he told the collected company.
His friends shrugged and kept on drinking and eating. Where they had gotten a caterer that could make enough for the lot with bottomless pits he didn't know but he was grateful for it all the same. Ichigo had dug in with the rest of them and had to admit it was pretty good food. The sake seemed to magically appear when needed too and he rather thought that was thanks to Kyoraku-san.
"Here it is, here it is," Isshin said, bouncing on his heels. "Now, I would like to set the scene. Your dear friend and my beloved son had just woken up from a night of passion with my dear third daughter when they were interrupted…"
"My gods, you didn't…"
"Kurosaki…" A cold grey gaze met Ichigo's.
"You hold him, I'll slice and dice," Ichigo offered. Byakuya was clearly not happy with the recitation.
"Now, now, nothing inappropriate happened. You see, this takes place the morning after Ichigo proposed to Rukia-chan. Just watch, I promise you'll enjoy it."
Ishida pressed play and stood back while almost the entire male half of the Gotei witnessed Rukia Kuchiki take a bite out of not just Ichigo's hide but her brother's as well. Although it was short, the video clearly showed that although she might be small, she was not one to be trifled with. She was also quite clearly capable of bringing everyone to their knees with her Zanpakutou if the need arose.
"You know," Renji slurred, "I was there, and it still looks awesome. She just froze over Ichigo's arm like it was no big deal and stopped Senbonzakura's petals in their tracks like it was nothing."
"Your wife can kick your butt," Ikkaku laughed.
"So not pretty," Yumichika stated. "Nor manly."
"Are we sure she's not supposed to be the Spirit King?" Toushiro asked suddenly.
"She's going to be something even better, my boy," Ukitake said proudly. "She's going to be the Spirit Queen."
"Listen to you, filled with fatherly pride." Kyoraku thumped his old friend on his back, nearly knocking the fellow captain over.
"I will admit to being proud of her accomplishments."
"Indeed," Byakuya uttered, unable to say that Rukia's strength was something to ignore. She had done the Kuchiki name proud, regardless of how the rest of the family had treated her.
"Actually," Renji began contemplatively. "That wasn't her worst punishment."
"What other torture did she have in store for you idiots?" Kenpachi asked.
"Kabuki play," the redhead answered.
"It was a Noh play, Renji," Ichigo corrected. It wasn't surprising that the lieutenant didn't remember. He'd slept through the whole thing.
"Yeah, okay. Anyway, my point is that it bored me senseless. If it hadn't been for the program thingy, I wouldn't have known what it was about. I'd rather go against her bankai than go through another play." Several men nodded their heads in understanding while Byakuya looked like he wanted to say something.
"Eh, forget the play crap. Let's get down to the fun stuff. Madarame, go get that present we brought for the prince."
"Now, boss? Thought we were saving that for last."
"Now. He's all relaxed with drink. Might as well relax him all the way."
Yumichika frowned at his captain's words, trying to remember what they'd gotten Ichigo for a present. "Sir, I really don't think…" he started when it suddenly came to him.
"I asked the older Kurosaki. Said it was a fine tradition. And it sounded fun." Kenpachi chuckled while the others scooted away from him. It was never a good thing when he started to cackle.
"What did they get me?" Ichigo asked, his radar for danger suddenly going off.
"A stripper," the flamboyant fifth seat answered hesitantly.
"Excuse me?"
Rangiku bolted upright, a scary thought entering her mind. "Ah, Rukia…"
"Yeah?"
"I just thought of something that would make Ichigo go bankai."
"What would make you think to mention it now?" Nanao asked. They'd been going through the presents, enjoying the conversation that each caused.
"Well, you see, Ikkaku happened to mention last night that his captain got a certain something for the bachelor party…"
"Spit it out…"
"A stripper."
"Excuse me? Who in the right mind thought they could bring a stripper to my fiancé?"
"Well, to be fair, Kenpachi isn't in his right mind…"
"I'm going to slaughter him."
Rukia stood, swaying slightly and drew her sword. They watched as she uttered the one word they were sure was going to come out of Ichigo's mouth.
"Ban…"
"Kai…" Ichigo shouted and watched as the entire party descended into chaos.
Just leaving from the First Division, Yamamoto watched to pillars of spiritual pressure explode over the Seireitei. One held the familiar presence of their future king while the other froze everything it touched. Heaving a sigh, he hesitated only a moment before going to stop the one that would do the most damage.
His soldiers could recover from broken bones and stab wounds. They couldn't recover if they froze to death.
