Chapter Twenty-nine

Redemption

August 1980

Snape stood facing a small park in the muggle London. Actually he was facing what was left of the park. All the nearby lights were off, the playground was destroyed, the benches debris were scattered all around the burnt grass. A light rain was falling from the dark night sky, washing away some of the blood from the sidewalk. So much blood. Muggle blood. He was facing what was left of a beautiful wedding. A muggle wedding. The bodies of the bride and groom were lying in the altar, near the priest's. All the guests were lying lifeless on the ground, over tables, chairs, everywhere. Snape could still hear the screams of the victims and the deranged laughs of his fellow Death Eaters. He could still hear them all. And if he closed his eyes he knew he would be able to see it all again.

He took a deep breath, thinking about Florence was the only thing that helped him sleep at night, but that night he wasn't sure his love for her would be enough to keep the nightmares away.

It was a hot summer night. He could feel the sweat over his skin under his dark clothes, his hair plastered down his head because of the rain that was getting stronger by the minute. He felt dirty on so many ways. I should just kill myself and put an end to it all. Some nights, when he was alone on his bed, he thought about asking for forgiveness... but how could he escape the Dark Lord's revenge? He would die anyway. I'm fucked if I do and fucked if I don't. But he couldn't stop wishing for redemption. He knew he wasn't deserving of it, many people had already died because of his poisons, but he could dream of it. Dream of Florence, her love, her forgiveness. If she ever forgave him, he could try to win her heart back, they could be together. No more deaths or nightmares. No more guilt.

He snorted at his own foolishness.

Once more Snape would have to get home and remove his thoughts from his head so the Lord wouldn't be able to see them. He was getting better in Occlumency but not good enough to fool the Dark Lord. At least not yet.

He was going to sleep at his mother's house that night so he Disapparated.

As he reopened his eyes, he saw the familiar old factory chimney at the far end of the street and ignored the angry feeling that always came over him when he remembered his father. He walked the last few meters home and stopped in front of the house, the porch light was on. He had conflicted feelings towards that house. That was the place where his father for so many years had hit Eileen and screamed at her because she was a witch; Snape grew up in that house, hating it every day because of his father. But then he met Florence and that was the same house where they first made love, where they had spent so many amazing moments together.

The house had been improved over the last months, Snape began to help his mother to reform it from the moment he started to get some money. As much as he disliked that place, his mother loved it. Eileen had loved his good-for-nothing father until the day the bastard died and maybe even longer.

How did Tobias Snape die? Well, he just went to bed one night, drunk as skunk, after beating his wife and his nine-year-old son, and never woke up again. The muggle police came in and took his body out. Cause of death? Alcohol poisoning. Was that the truth? No. The truth will always be a mystery. Snape thought.

Almost thirty minutes had passed by, so he decided to go inside. He hoped his mother was already asleep because if she saw him, she'd be furious. His clothes were ripped, stained - mud or blood he couldn't say for sure. He had bruises on his jaw and his hands were as dirty as his clothes. He was limping too. He could have fixed himself with a simple Potion or Spell, but he'd rather not. That was his personal punishment. He wasn't a coward, he thought daily about finishing his own life but he would never do that. So he punished himself for all the atrocities he was forced to take part in. And the one that night had been barbaric. It was a beautiful wedding. The muggles never saw it coming.

Snape walked into the house and went to the kitchen. He didn't turn on the lights, he knew that place better than he knew himself. He sat on a chair, letting his head fall down on the table. And he stayed like that


Suddenly the kitchen light was on.

"Severus?"

Eileen was by the kitchen entrance, wearing a pink bathrobe. "I heard a noise and I thought it could be you..." she yawned. When she reopened her eyes, she noticed her son's bruises and torn clothes, but she didn't say anything. "Are you hungry?" she walked to the stove, turning it on and heating up something that looked like milk.

"No, mom, thanks." he got up from the chair. "I'll just go take a shower and sleep. Good night." and he left the kitchen, limping.

It broke Eileen's heart every time she saw her beloved son hurt like that. She prepared her grandsons' bottles while silent tears fell down her face.


Snape got to the upstairs corridor and heard some noises coming from his mother's bedroom. He went there and opened the door wider. Two little boys were on his mom's bed. Only the weak light of the bedside lamp and the TV were illuminating the room. They were talking but stopped when they noticed him by the door.

"Who are you?" asked the green-eyed boy dressed in dark blue pajamas.

"I... I'm Eileen's son." answered Snape, staring at the boys curiously but not daring to walk into the room, remembering that he had blood on his clothes.

"I'm James." said the dark-eyed boy in the dark green pajamas.

"I'm Nicholas."

"Are you Florence's sons?" Snape asked, recognizing those green eyes.

"Yes. Why don't you come in?" asked James.

"I'm dirty." Snape said. "I'll take a shower and I... I could come back here, after."

"Yes, do it." said Nicholas, smiling, jumping on the bed.

"Yes, you can come." agreed James.

Snape left the door as he had found it, half-open, and walked to his room. The boys in his mind all the time. They were beautiful kids. Nicholas had her eyes and they both had straight dark hair. That's strange. Neither Florence nor Black have straight hair... Well, it didn't matter. They were beautiful and advanced for their age, they'd spoken very clearly and hadn't made any usual mistakes kids do when that young. They are almost two years old now. Snape didn't know the exact day the boys were born but he remembered it wasn't so hot anymore when his mother told him Florence had given birth. He took a shower, thinking about Florence and her sons, thinking about how lucky Black was that Snape had been so stupid years ago. Now Black has her and those two beautiful kids. He forced himself to stop thinking about Florence and Sirius Black and cleared his mind, letting the hot water relax his tired body.


Eileen walked back to her room with the two bottles. Her grandsons were talking animatedly.

"We met your son, grandma!" exclaimed Nicholas.

"What?" Eileen asked, startled.

"At least he said he's your son." said James, suspicious.

"He was in here?" Florence is going to kill me. She thought.

"Yes, but he didn't come in." said Nicholas.

"He has black hair like us." said James.

"He said he would come back after he took a shower." said Nicholas.

"Look, your two, here are your bottles. You drink it and go to sleep. It's past your bedtime, you shouldn't be still awake!" she said in a firm voice. "I really shouldn't have given you two all those candies." muttered Eileen sitting on the bed.


Snape left his room dressed in comfortable clean clothes, his hair still wet from the shower. He slowly walked into his mother's room.

"What do you want in here, Severus?" murmured Eileen.

"I just..." his eyes found the two little boys sleeping beside Eileen. "I told them I'd come back here..." he stopped near the bed, looking at the kids.

"I must ask you to leave the room, Severus. Florence won't be happy to know that I let you get near the boys."

"She's right." he looked tired, almost miserable. "Can I just watch them sleep for a while? I just feel so at peace near them..."

Eileen nodded.

"Why are they here? Where's Florence?" he sat down on the foot of the bed.

"Lily gave birth a few weeks ago. Flor's helping her friend with baby Harry." Eileen looked at her him, she knew something wasn't right. "What's bothering you, son?"

"I really don't know, mom." he paused. "Call it regret. Or guilt. All I know is that it's getting harder every day..."

"What will you do?" she murmured.

"I still don't know. I can't just stop working for them. They would hunt me down and kill me. I can't join the Order either... no one would accept me."

"Go talk to Dumbledore." she said. "He'll listen to you."

"I'm not sure what to tell him."

"Tell him the truth. Give him the right reason of your regret... tell him how much you wish for redemption... how much you want..."

"Florence." Snape completed. "She's my biggest reason."

"Dumbledore believes in the power of love, my son. Tell him you still love her and that you can't be away from her any longer. Maybe once you've proven your true intentions Florence will come back to you. I know she still loves you." Eileen finished in a whisper.

Snape looked at his mother and said nothing. He looked at the two sleeping boys again.

"They're beautiful, aren't they?" Eileen asked, smiling.

"Yes. I always feel... better every time I see them. I feel calmer. Since the first time I saw them I noticed this strange power they have over me. I think it's because they share Florence's blood and it's connected to me through the Enchantment..."

"That's probably the reason, yes." murmured Eileen, getting nervous with that talk. He feels it... he feels something but can't really name it. Just like the boys always feel when he's near, as if they recognize his magic as their father's.

"I'll go back to my room." Snape got up and kissed his mother's forehead. "Tell them I've been here, will you?"

"Yes, my son. Good night."

As Snape closed her bedroom door, Eileen put her hand on her chest, feeling how fast her heart was beating. She slept with hope in her heart and a smile on her face.


Snape reached his bedroom and dropped himself on the bed. He was tired, exhausted. He just wanted it all to stop. All the pain and those fights and that stupid war. He knew he had chosen that path, that road of torment and suffering. But he had never imagined it would be like that. He was forced to prepare poisons that he knew were used to kill hundreds of innocent muggles. He could feel his soul being ripped apart piece by piece by each poison he finished. He had altered the last batches, making them not so strong that it would kill everybody. Now the stronger ones could survive. But they would suffer anyway.

He sighed and looked at the nightstand. There was a framed picture there; he and Florence were hugging, she was smiling openly and he looked happy too.

He stared at the ceiling and closed his eyes, thinking about her kids again. The two sweet little boys that were looking at him curiously less than an hour ago. Snape smiled, startling himself. He felt something in his heart move; and the heavy burden on his shoulders had lessened. And right then it didn't matter anymore that those kids were Black's children. Those boys were Florence's, whom he loved. He would take care of them as if they were his sons.

He made his decision then. He was going to talk to Dumbledore the next day. He was going to fight for his redemption.

He sighed, softly, with a smile on his face. The twin boys never leaving his thoughts. Snape felt his heart beating calmer and, for the first time, the future looked promising.

Unknowingly, Snape had defeated the thick poison of Darkness that was slowly eating away at his body and soul. Little did he know he had just been saved; saved by two little boys in pretty pajamas that looked at him with curiosity. He had been saved by his own sons.