Tpov
It took several days after I left the hospital for things in my life to get sorted out, not least because my parents had expected to take me back with them when they left, but I no longer wanted to leave La Push. While I could tell my father was still suspicious of Jason, he'd warmed up considerably to him after he'd found out Jason was the one who'd saved me from the house fire, and I'd explained the night I'd called him so upset had been a misunderstanding. Still, it was almost a week after I'd been sent home from the hospital that I was able to see Jason again.
Alex and Nona had been telling me about Jason, the pack, and what it all meant. They'd explained everything, including something they'd called imprinting which was why they were still together, and apparently had happened between Jason and me. I wasn't exactly sure what to think about the whole situation, all I knew was that it was true that I felt a need to have Jason in my life. I'd always had though. I wasn't sure how much the 'imprinting' changed anything.
It was a cold, sunny day, and he'd agreed to meet me on our old street. I felt my stomach clench with nerves as I pulled into his old drive way and parked Nona's car.
He'd gotten there before me. I pulled my jacket collar up before I stepped out into the cold morning air and walked over to him.
He didn't turn to face me when I stopped. He was too busy looking at the skeleton of charred wood that was all that was left of his childhood home.
"Hey." I said a little awkwardly.
He didn't look at me again as he responded, still staring at the blackened wood.
"Hey. How are you feeling?"
"I'm ok, still coughing a bit. But a lot better."
"That's good." He said with a nod and while it sounded sincere, he seemed to be in a strange mood. As he continued to avoid eye contact, I couldn't help but feel as if the reality of what had happened last week had set in, and he was angry at me.
"I'm sorry." I said quietly, my breath clouding in front of me as I looked away from the depressing scene.
"What?" he asked sounding confused and this time he did look at me.
"I'm sorry." I repeated unable to meet his gaze.
"You're sorry?" Jason asked incredulously and I nodded. "Why on earth are you sorry?"
"I burned down your house." I said and he continued to stare at me, as if he couldn't quite believe his ears.
"I almost got you killed. If anyone should be apologizing it's me."
"Yeah but…"
"It's just a house." He said quietly his eyes sliding over the burnt pillars of the porch. "It can be rebuilt."
"I know. Still-"
"Tani, I'd burn it a million times if the alternative was losing you."
He hadn't been emotional as he said it, but stated it like it was a fact which almost made me even more uncomfortable. It was like there was no doubt in his mind when he'd said it.
"Why do I have the feeling you'd say that about a lot of stuff?"
"Because it's true." He said shrugging, looking away from the house and at me. "Can you really think after all this, that I could choose to live without you?"
"So the stuff that Nona and Alex have been telling me, and what that thing was saying. All of it was true?"
"Of course it was true. It was true before all this happened. Even when we were little. You were always the person I loved most. The one I didn't want to live without."
"And now?"
"Well, I'd understand if you don't want me around." He said gesturing vaguely towards the house. "But for my own selfish reasons I'd like to be."
"Oh yeah?" I asked raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah. If you haven't noticed Tan, you're kind of catastrophe prone. I thought staying away from you might stop it, but you seem to run into trouble if I'm around you or not. I mean, I'd prefer to be there when you need someone to pull you out of a burning building."
"So you like your friends three dimensional and not burnt to a crisp?"
"Yeah." He said with a slight laugh. I had expected this conversation to go a lot differently. I'd expected it to be serious, maybe a little more emotional, but now that everything was out in the open, I finally felt that things were back to the way they should be between us. When we knew everything about each other. There wasn't a need for a long meaningful talk, or deep emotions. We were passed that. We knew what we meant to each other, and looking back, well, It was kind of funny, albeit in horrifying sort of way.
"So where does that leave you and me?" I asked hesitantly.
"You know, I don't really know." He said but his arm went around my shoulders and he pulled me closer to him. It was nice to feel the heat radiating from him in the cold, but it was a platonic gesture made all the more obvious when he smirked as he continued. "Is this the part where you ask me out? Because if it is, you're not off to a very good start. I prefer to be wooed with flowers and I'll warn you, I'm not a cheap date."
"Really?" I asked in surprise.
"Yeah. I mean tents are expensive. Same with sleeping bags, god forbid you spring for the luxury of a sleeping pad. But only if you really want to impress me."
"Camping is not a date."
"You want to go this weekend?"
"It's going to be freezing!"
"A fever of one hundred and five is considered low for me. Do you really think you'll freeze?"
"It's still not a date." I countered stubbornly but putting my arm around him as well.
"Who cares?"
"I'm pretty sure Nona and the other girls do. I have a feeling they're going to interrogate me as soon as I see them." I said my voice dark and he laughed.
"And what are you going to tell them?" he asked looking down at me with interest.
"I've no idea." I sighed. Things had been so crazy lately. I was still trying to figure out what my feelings for him were exactly. Everything had been so confusing, and was happening so fast, I wasn't really sure I understood it all completely. I knew I wanted to be around him, that was certain, I always had. As a friend or a girlfriend however, that I wasn't so sure about.
"We don't have to tell them anything." He said grinning. "We can just hang out."
"Really?" I asked in relief.
"Yeah."
"And you're ok with that?"
"Why wouldn't I be?"
"Well, I'm sorry, but your friends are kind of all over each other. Isn't that how the whole imprinting thing works?"
He laughed.
"I always thought that was really annoying actually." He said amused. "But I like hanging out with you. I missed being your friend. With all this insanity, it seemed like we skipped a lot of that part."
"Yeah." I agreed thinking back over the past few months.
"If it goes somewhere it goes somewhere." He said shrugging. "If not, well then we can avoid looking like idiots like the rest of them. Whatever you're comfortable with."
I nodded, but even as I agreed, I was thinking over the weeks that had led up to this point, I remembered the night of the dance. How I'd felt when he'd kissed me. That wasn't something I'd be able to ignore for long.
And then I remembered something else.
"You are so full of crap." I said looking up at him and he grinned a little guiltily as if he knew exactly what I was about to say. "You said it was your job to push me out of my comfort zone."
"I was hoping you wouldn't remember that so quickly."
"What the hell?" I asked looking up at him.
"What can I say Tan?" he said amused. "I really like you. I always have."
I rolled my eyes, but didn't push him away as he pulled me closer and kissed the top of my head.
"We can just hang out though, if that's what you want. Besides, I think your dad would kill me if I asked you out so soon after what happened anyways." He said and I was half way to saying it was what I wanted, but I found I couldn't get it out.
Instead, I said.
"We'll see."
We both looked at the house for a few minutes and I wondered what was on his mind. Part of me wondered why looking at it didn't bother me more, I mean, I had almost died here. But as I looked at it, all I could think of was all the time I'd spent here as a kid with Jason. All the memories we'd made here together. As crazy as it sounded, I couldn't help but feel like that night was just another memory. I found I was sad to see the house so damaged.
"So what are you going to do?" I asked. I knew Jason's parents had left him the house, but I didn't know what his situation with his grandfather was. What Jason planned to do after he graduated school this year.
"I was thinking I'd rebuild it." he said with a shrug.
"Can you?" I asked looking up at him in shock.
"I think so. I mean, I help with repairs around the reservation all the time. I don't think it would be too hard, plus my parents left me some money when they passed. It's just been sitting in the bank, waiting until I turned eighteen. I can't really think of anything better to use it for."
"And then what?" I asked looking up at him and he shrugged.
"I dunno," he said frowning. "I guess it depends."
"On the pack?"
"On you." he said and I felt my cheeks burn. "I mean. I don't really want to stay here if you leave."
I didn't know how to respond to this but he didn't seem to require an answer.
We continued to stand there for a while until he suggested we get out of the cold so I didn't freeze.
I wasn't really cold, but I didn't argue. Instead I drove us back to his grandfather's house. Nona had invited us to hang out with the others, but I didn't much feel like being grilled for details about my relationship with Jason, so I spent the afternoon with him. Much too quickly the day ended and I found I was once again on Nona's porch, trying to think of anything I could say to delay his leaving.
"So. I guess I'll see you in school tomorrow?" I asked. I hadn't been to school since I'd gotten out of the hospital, but tomorrow was Monday and I didn't feel like sitting around the house watching TV anymore, hoping Alex might stop by and hang out in the evening.
"Yeah." He said with a smile and gently tugged a strand of my hair like he always used to when we were kids. "If you don't manage to have another near fatal accident on the way there tomorrow."
"Think you'll have time to rescue me if I do?"
"I'll put it in my schedule, just in case." He laughed and I hugged him.
He pulled my close and I closed my eyes, part of me wondering if he was going to try and kiss me again but he didn't.
"I'll see you later Tan." He said letting me go and I waved him off as he walked into the night.
I watched him transform and start running in the direction of his grandfather's house.
Part of me wondered if I was a little disappointed that he didn't kiss me, but I found I wasn't. A swell of excitement went through me as I realized that there would be time for that sort of thing later on. Right now I'd gotten childhood friend back, really back. And like Jason said, if something happened it happened. But the fact that it even had the chance now…
I smiled.
"You're in a good mood." Someone said and I looked up to see Nona and Alex in the living room watching the original 'Star Trek' series.
"I had a good day." I said joining them on the couch.
"So how'd it go?" she asked as I sat next to her.
Alex's arm was around her shoulders and there was a bowl of popcorn in her lap.
"It went fine." I said taking a handful of popcorn out of the bowl.
"Just fine?" she asked sounding disappointed. "What? He didn't ask you out or anything?"
"No Nona, unlike you two, Jason and I can spend time with each other without constantly making out."
Nona went red while Alex grinned slightly and he and I turned back to the show, but she continued to look disappointed.
"So where does that leave you guys then?"
"We're friends." I said shrugging.
"Friends?" she asked as if she thought this was improbable. "After everything you guys went through?"
"I think it's because of everything they went through." Alex said wisely. "They've got too much history. They need to rewrite a little before they can be anything else."
"Well that sucks." Nona said grumpily and I shrugged, but as we continued to watch the show, I couldn't seem to get Jason out of my mind.
I thought of everything we'd been through together, all the things he'd said to me today, and what it had felt like when we'd kissed.
When the marathon ended and Alex had said goodnight, I found I was still thinking about him as I made my way to my room and got ready to go to sleep.
I was just about to get into bed when I stopped. I spotted Jason's hoodie that was hanging next to my jacket by the door and after a moment's hesitation, I picked up my phone.
About five minutes after the text, I heard a rock hit my window and I grinned knowing exactly who it was.
I put on the hoodie and opened the window to see Jason standing outside, looking up at me amused.
"You wanted to see me?" he said with a grin.
"Yeah hold on." I said clambering on to the window ledge, then sliding off it.
He caught me, as I knew he would and I looked up at him, unable to keep from smiling.
"Nice catch."
"Thanks. What's all this about?" he asked and I hesitated for a moment, but then committed.
"I don't want to be friends." I said and he looked surprised for a second, but then set me down.
"What?" he asked looking a little confused.
"I don't want to be just friends." I clarified and he smiled.
"Are you sure?" he asked but his grin was spreading and I nodded.
Ilaughed as he pulled me into a tight hug and then kissed me.
Just like the night of the dance, my brain went blank and I wrapped my arms around him as he pulled me closer, so happy, I didn't think we would ever stop. My heart felt like it was about ready to beat out of my chest and I felt like I could never be close enough to him.
I didn't know how long we stood there but eventually we broke apart.
He looked down at me, his dark eyes as intense as ever and he looked as if he wanted to say something, but was debating if he should.
"Tani, I-" he started but cut himself off, obviously afraid to say what he wanted, but I found I wasn't, because I knew what he was about to say. And it was something that I'd known my entire life. Something I knew would never change, and it was how I felt as well.
"I love you too."
