Merry Early Christmas! Because of some sudden inspiration and the fast workings of my Beta, I have managed to get a chapter out to you guys before the end of the year AND even before Christmas. I hope you all enjoy the chapter and the holiday. (Also my Beta is insane)


'It looks like I dropped my doritos…again….' –Thoughts

"Screw you and your doritos!" – Speech

"Mountain Dew is the best you filthy plebeians!" – Bijuu, Summon talking or jutsu

As Miko slowly put her feminine hand on my soft cotton pants and started to caress my already fully erect… - Notes, as for now…


"I delegate to you the responsibilities in ordering the food for the annual Feast. You will have to travel across Konoha to the Akimichi compound and personally ask them to supply the food. While there, it would be best for you to ask for some manual labor to deliver said food. If they cannot, go see Hokage-sama and petition a D-rank mission. That should take care of…" Hanabi sighed to herself as she finally found the energy within herself to drown out her father's talking. It was only 8 o'clock in the morning and the man was already performing his duties as clan head. Due to his own activities inside of the walls of the clan compound, he usually delegated task to high ranking members of the clan. This was just one of the many duties that were handed out. The heiress usually wouldn't had a problem with this if it wasn't for the fact that she was called in middle of her breakfast.

The girl picked endlessly at her rice while her father continued to rattle off instructions to one of her many cousins that littered the compound. Her sister had apparently been ordered by her sensei to show up early for training so she was a non-factor during this affair. She, herself, had the day off from the exams due to it being the birthday of the Shodaime*. While she was grateful for not having to be trapped in that infernal academy building for hours on end, she wished she actually had something other to do than to train, eat and sleep.

"Just forget it." Hanabi muttered under her breath before standing up and excusing herself from the table. Her father dismissed her with a casual wave of his hand while continuing his conversation. The girl quickly picked up her plate before dumping it in the sink and disappearing from the kitchen.

Ten minutes later the Hyuuga heiress could be seen walking out of the compound dressed in her usual clothing. Neji once again was not accompanying her. 'Seems like the flow of missions for his team has increased significantly since the Chunnin exam invasion.' Thought the little Hyuuga princess.

Inwardly, Hanabi wanted to scoff at the wide berth the villagers were giving to her as she walked down the main streets of Konoha. While they were do the same for another individual (names will not be given), they gave her a wide berth out of admiration and "respect". The admiring looks that sent her once filled her with jubilation when she was younger but now she detested them. While she loved attention, she enjoyed it even more when she had poured her blood and sweat into it and earned it. She did not earn this. She could sense the fakeness basically radiating from several of the business owners that found her status high enough to call her –sama. She knew they only wished for her to stop into their stores and buy all of their stock.

While all of this was going through her mind, her body seemed to automatically respond by plastering a fake, soft smile and waving regally towards the civilians. This seemed to appease the masses as they slowly dispersed, leaving the pondering heiress to herself.

The girl continued to let her mind wander on issues that she did not usually enjoy talking about. Her body was on auto-pilot as it gracefully guided its way through the now crowded markets of Konoha. As the sun continued to climb its way to its apex in the sky, the streets began to become more and more crowded. Less and less people began to part their way for her as her face got lost in the hundreds that travelled the worn dirt roads.

Eventually her feet stepped off the well-worn dirt path and onto the soft grass of one of Konoha's many training grounds. Her feet parted the sea of grass as she strode across the field and towards the forest that seemed to surround the entire village. Her figure soon disappeared into the literal jungle of timber that surrounded the training ground.

"Hinata should be back in time for the Feast. With her there, she will take the brunt of those horny sons of diplomats attempting to get into our pants. She won't be able to hide her figure behind her jacket. Those pigs won't be able to take their eyes off of her, leaving me the opportunity to sneak out without notice." Hanabi freely let out a mischievous giggle at her train of thought. If there was one thing she hated, it was dealing with diplomats and allies of the Hyuuga clan. Her and her sister constantly had to deny offers from children her age to men that could be her father's father. Each time an offer was made, she had to restrain herself from sending a chakra filled palm strike to the offender's chest. To finally have an opportunity to escape those meetings would be absolutely amazing to her.

Hanabi blinked owlishly when her lips promptly met the bark of a tree. She released a small huff before finally looking around at her surroundings. Seemed she had gotten lost in her thoughts and her body had once again taken near the clearing where she had last seen Naruto. The girl released a small sigh as she looked around the clearing.

"I hate it when I do that." Hanabi said to herself before turning around to exit the clearing. She froze when she heard a thick voice come from the other side of the tree. The voice seemed calm, almost non-caring as it talked with a rather rabid and seemingly pissed off voice. She pushed chakra into her ears and strained her senses as she attempted to decipher who the two voices are and what they were arguing about.

"How … You … Toad … Dimension …" Her ears could pick up short, choppy phrases coming from the rabid voice as it continued to yell it's disapproval. The girl slowly began to push forward, trying her best to recognize the voices that were coming from the other side of the clearing. After a few seconds, she almost wanted to slap herself at her stupidity.

"Byakugan! Duh." Hanabi whispered before cutting off the flow of chakra from her ears and routing it to her eyes. The veins running along the side of her bulged as the lavender-white irises became more prominent in her eyes. She quickly poured more chakra into her eyes to peer through the thick foliage of her tree.

The first chakra signature she noticed was obviously the smaller one. Hanabi could tell that it was an adult due his chakra coils being full grown and showed signs of wear and tear. The man held a fire element alongside a white element. He had an impressive amount of chakra but it was nothing compared to his companion.

His chakra was staggering to say the least, almost completely blinding to her eyes. Luckily she had been slowly getting used to activating her Byakugan around it and had slowly become accustomed to staring at the massive chakra source. The chakra flowed through the man's coils at lightning fast speeds. The energy never stopped once, always flowing and always moving throughout the person's body. Hanabi let a small smile cross her face for a split second before she frowned when she noticed the smaller source of chakra began to build up some in his mouth. Her face turned to shock when she saw the man unleash all his pent up chakra in a blast of water.


Naruto sucked in a big breath of air as he stood in the middle of the large clearing. His jacket was nowhere to be found with only his white anbu-styled pants covering himself. A soft wind blew through the clearing, picking up several leaves and softly swaying his hair.

This was to be the second day Naruto had returned from his journey to the summoning realm. Two days earlier he had awoken to rampant celebration in the war base of the Panther Clan. News had travelled that with the help of Yuu, Naruto and the rest of the panther army, the panther clan had officially won back all of their ancestral land. When the panthers noticed his consciousness, they quickly swept him up and began celebrating with him.

The blonde haired boy managed to last a total of five hours before the exhaustion from over usage of his chakra and battle hit him. He quickly located the ever, calm and collected Yuu who seemed to be content just to watch and enjoy the party. The two conversed for several minute before Naruto told the panther of his plans to return home. After packing all of his supplies and saying his goodbyes to everyone that was not drunk out of their minds, Naruto had been reverse summoned back to his dimension.

He appeared in the middle of his living room before immediately passing out. The exhaustion from exiting a dimension and getting interrupted in the middle of his sleep had hit him once again. He didn't even make it to the bedroom as is legs collapsed under him in the middle of the living room. He slept for sixteen whole hours before he even began to stir.

After replacing all of his rotten food with a henged clone, he began to gorge himself with every single type of food he could think of*. While fighting alongside his panther brethren was fun and exciting, the food they ate wasn't exactly amicable for his stomach at times. To finally being able to eat human food once again was a blessing to his stomach and the rest of his digestive system.

After immediately clearing out his fridge once again, he decided to walk his way through the village during its earliest hours. He couldn't help but keep a smirk on his face at the disgruntled look on the villager's faces when they saw him walking through the village after his long hiatus. They obviously had enjoyed his little departure and now that he was back, they were making their irritation known. If only they knew he actually enjoyed seeing the disgruntled looks on their faces.

After taking some time to antagonize the villagers with his presence, Naruto quickly diverted himself from the main market path and head towards the training grounds. While he did enjoy the fact he could make a whole entire village squirm with discomfort with his mere presence, he also enjoyed being alone from it all.

His body seemed to agree with his mind as he unconsciously made his way towards Amai's clearing, as he started to call the clearing he visited so often. He allowed a small smile to grace his face as he stepped foot into the relatively calm clearing. The lake that Amai's headstone was settled upon was as still making it look more like a lake of ice.

"It's been a while." He said to himself before walking towards the tombstone. His hands grazed the stone tablet as he released a small sigh. He raised his hand from the tombstone and began to strip off his jacket and his top. He casually threw the articles of clothing towards the tree line while sinking his foot into the water. His leg followed his foot and the rest of his body followed his leg. Soon his whole entire body was submerged in the cool water.

For the next hour, Naruto simply swam on the surface and underneath the water. No pattern could be discerned from his movements as he swam from end to end, from the surface to the bottom and even in circles at time. To the outsider, he was only just enjoying a swim in the large lake. Though to him, Naruto always had a purpose in his actions.

'I wonder how much longer he's going to wait to reveal himself.' Naruto thought to himself as he made his fifth lap around the pool. After making a full revolution once again, the teenage boy seemed to have enough of swimming as he slowly climbed his way out of the pool. He started to walk towards the tree line where his clothes laid before he suddenly froze. A second late, two footsteps could be heard from behind him. Naruto released a small chuckle before turning around and observing the new inhabitant of the clearing.

"I was wondering how long you would just sit up there in that tree and look. I was beginning to think you just wanted to look at me instead of talking." Naruto said as he stared at the emotionless sannin. The man stood with his arms crossed as his eyes burrowed into Naruto's skull. The air in the clearing seemed to grow tense as the two stared into each other's eyes.

This had been a confrontation Naruto knew he would eventually have to face when he returned to Konoha. If his disappearance didn't draw questions from certain people, he knew his actions during the war would draw attention from the man standing in front of him. After all, he had helped in the slaughter of the man's own summon. He knew that would warrant some attention from the usually aloof Sannin.

The man remained silent as he stared at the younger Shinobi. One could mistake the toad summoner as a statue as his eyes never left Naruto's form. Even his chest did not have the tell-tale signs of breathing as his feet stood anchored to the ground.

"Silence eh? Then I hope you don't mind when I ask you to leave. I rather not have an old man peeping on me while I'm swimming." Naruto said to Jiraiya before turning and dismissing the man with a simple wave of his hand. Inwardly he was counting down to himself as he made broad steps towards the pool. His movements were confident and relaxed while on the inside he was preparing himself from the inevitable outbreak from the Sannin.

'3 … 2 … 1 … Now!' Naruto shouted to himself as he quickly rolled right. His paranoia was well earned as the sannin pounced on his previous position just a second after he had jumped away. Naruto sprung up from his roll and saw that the once stoic man had barely restrained rage boiling in his eyes. The boy had to restrict himself from outright laughing in the man's face and just instead settled with a small smirk.

"Why did you do it?" Jiraiya said while staring at Naruto. The air in the clearing seemed to go even tenser as the two entered another staring contest. Naruto grinned as he felt himself slowly shift into a battle stance. His legs began to widen from each other as his arms slowly came up to his chest.

"I have no idea what you're talking abo-" Naruto was silenced when the man in front of him disappeared from sight and reappeared in front of him in the matter of a second. Before he could even react, the man's fist was planted squarely against his cheek. The boy's feet were lifted from the ground and soon the rest of his body followed.

Naruto's face was then accentuated with the rough bark of the trees surrounding the clearing. He could feel the rough bark of the tree digging into his cheek as his body crumpled to the ground. The boy didn't have much time to leave before Jiraiya's hands closed around his throat. He felt the back of his head slam into the tree as the man's eyes bore into his own.

"Do not play dumb with me boy! I know where you have been for the past two weeks. I know what you have done! So why did you do it?" Jiraiya growled out as his hand tightened like a noose around Naruto's already bruising throat. The boy managed to produce a grin before spiking his chakra dangerously high. The Sannin released a short yelp when he felt himself get shocked by Naruto's chakra. The man took a step back as Naruto slowly got to his feet.

"I was helping my brothers win back their home land. A few toads got in the way and ended up losing their lives." Naruto had to use both of his hands to catch the fist of an enraged Sannin as the man attempted to take his head off. Naruto channeled chakra into his hands, temporarily paralyzing the sannin's arm while it sat firmly in Naruto's grasp.*

Naruto pulled on Jiraiya's arm, making the enraged and belligerent man stumble forward. The boy drew his head back before slamming it harshly into Jiraiya's head. The man recoiled back as a spout of blood erupted from the man's forward. Naruto's own forehead was bruised as he watched the man raise his fingers to his wound.

"We gave them a chance to surrender. We offered each and every village we attacked a chance to surrender. When they took it, they sealed their own fates. They had their chance." Jiraiya disappeared from his sight once again only this time Naruto was expecting it. He crouched low to the ground as the man appeared above him once again and attempted to cave in his chest with a heavy kick. Naruto swung his outstretched leg around and swept Jiraiya's planted leg out from under him. The man swung around, using the momentum of his fall, to land a heel kick on the back of Naruto's head. To the sannin's shock, the boy erupted in a cloud of smoke and sparks that left his leg unresponsive and numb.

"You really are pissed if you can't tell the difference between a clone and the real me." Naruto said as he emerged from the lake. Jiraiya turned to him and forced himself up on his unresponsive leg.

"How dare you stand before me as if you're innocent? You and your summons are responsible for the death of hundreds of Toad warriors. I spent years with these toads. They were good people and you slaughtered them! You have caused so much chaos on Mount Myoboku. Mass riots, fighting, death, disease, overcrowding! You don't know what you have done? Do you know what you have caused?!" Jiraiya yelled at the aloof boy. Naruto stared at the man before sighing and speaking once again.

"I caused nothing! I did not force those toads to riot. I did not force them to fight. We gave them all a chance! Also these toads you speak so highly of weren't so perfect. Do you know the number of atrocities they occurred when they took over the Panther's territories? They killed innocent men and children out of fear for revenge. They pillaged and burned everything that wasn't theirs! They even attempted rape! What I did was justified and you have no right to attack me for such!" Naruto yelled while staring at the enraged man. Seconds later, the boy wanted to heave up all that he had ate as a water bullet slammed into his stomach and lifted him off of his feet. He was thrown back into the lake as the full brunt of the attack struck him.

Jiraiya watched as the younger man's back slam harshly into the lake. His breathing was labored as his anger took control of him once again. After several seconds, the man sighed before straightening his back and getting control of his breathing.

"I can't let my anger control me. I may end up killing the brat…." Jiraiya muttered to himself as he watched the surface of the lake. After several seconds, he started to approach the shore as worry started to flutter through his system.

"What the hell is taking him so long?" Jiraiya said to himself as he crouched towards the surface of the lake. He strained his eyes to try and see into the calm surface of the lake. The still surface was broken as a fist emerged from the water aimed towards Jiraiya's chin. The man's reflexes allowed him to escape the attack with only the tip of the knuckle clipping his chin. He quickly landed in a crouch as he watched a soaked Naruto land at the shore of the lake. Several sparks was coming from the boy's skin as he stared at Jiraiya.

"What are you going to do now Jiraiya? Are you going to kill me, the village's jinchuuriki? Are you going to avenge your toads? What are you going to do?" Jiraiya looked conflicted as he stared at the younger boy with his arms outstretched. Gamabunta along with hundreds of toads had been cut down by the panther clan and the boy standing in front of him. Part of him was screaming for him to kill this boy, to end his life for the ruthless killing of the creatures he held so close to his heart. The other part of him, the sensible part of him, was telling him he couldn't kill the boy. No matter how much he wanted to, the repercussions would weight out any sort of satisfaction he got from killing the boy. The Kyuubi would be out of Konoha's grasp, he would soil on his student's wishes and dreams, although he was a not loyal to Konoha, he would still get thrown in jail for killing a jincuuriki and finally Tsunade would rip him a new one asshole. Even with all of this weighing on him, it took every ounce of his strength not to lash out and kill the boy.

"Consider your training under me over. Do not come near me, do not ask for my assistance, do not request my presence. You are dead to me." Jiraiya said before disappearing from Naruto's sight in a puff of smoke and leaves. Naruto stared at the spot the man once occupied before letting out a sigh and falling onto his butt. His hand immediately went to his stomach as the pain of the water bullet came to him.

"That went a lot better than expected." He said to himself before falling backwards onto the grass. The boy closed his eyes as he attempted to block out the pain that was residing in his stomach.

"Mind explaining to me why Jiraiya of the Sannin almost killed you?" The blonde boy was snapped out of his semi-meditation when he heard a voice coming from above him. He slowly opened his eyes and saw the curious face of one Hanabi Hyuuga staring down at him. The boy grunted before closing his eyes again, dismissing the girl with his attitude. She didn't take too kindly at this as a tick mark appeared on her forehead. The girl slammed her palm down into Naruto's already injured stomach, making the boy release a loud groan of pain. The girl watched with a sadistic smirk on her face as she watched the blonde boy roll back and forth on the forest floor while clutching his stomach.

"You make the best welcome home presents." The boy managed to groan out as he came to the stop. The girl released a huff before taking a seat to the injured boy. While the boy still had his eyes closed, Hanabi couldn't help but examine his shirtless form. His upper body was still wet from his time spent under water. The water only worked to highlight his already impressive body. His muscles were that of a true shinobi, prominent but lean, made for speed with an undertone of strength. They looked to be almost chiseled out of stone as the water slowly dripped down his form. Hanabi had to hold herself back from licking her own lip as she watched a single drop of water disappear below his waist line.

"Y'know I'm not a piece of meat." Hanabi's attention was thrown away from its gutter back up to Naruto's face where his eyes were now open. His lips were set in a smirk as he watched the girl begin to sputter and blush while trying to explain her actions to him. The girl's cheeks were burnt as her tongue continued to betray her by making her stutter and trip over every word she tried to say.

Her embarrassment reached even when heights when the boy in front of her erupted into a fit of laughter. Her cheeks burned an even brighter red as Naruto's laughter stung her ears. She ended up with turning her back to Naruto in an attempt to save the rest of her dignity.

"It's so easy to tease you." The boy was forced to roll over again as Hanabi struck the ground with a full chakra-powered strike towards his chest once again. He hopped to his feet as the girl began to chase him around with her palms blazing with chakra. He ducked, rolled and zipped his way through the clearing as the girl tried her best to end his life with her Juken strike. All the while, he had a smile on his face as he laughed and teased the girl about her blush and sputtering she had displayed only minutes ago. While the sputtering gave away to loud curses not befitting of an heiress, her blush remained ever present on her cheeks.

The two spent the better part of an hour running around the clearing as Hanabi attempted to kill Naruto and he only antagonized the girl further. After the hour was over, the two collapsed to the ground, sweating and exhausted. After Hanabi finally calmed down enough to restrain herself from not killing Naruto, she began to explain to him all the events that had happened during his leave to the summoning war. The boy sat there and happily listened to each and every word said by the younger girl.

It would only be several hours later while Hanabi laid in bed would she realize what had happened. The girl had closed her eyes and prepared herself to go to sleep when it finally hit her. She sprang up with her eyes opened wide. A loud curse erupted from her lips as she tried to restrain herself from screaming bloody murder.

Naruto had never answered her question.


A HA! I bet you weren't expecting a chapter before the News Years! But my beta and I did it! I hope you all enjoyed it! The fallout between the already crappy relationship between Naruto and Jiraiya has happened and more Hanabi/Naruto development to come! Unfortunately this shall be the last chapter for New Years (Unless I gain enough motivation to type another 5k+ words). I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season and New Years. Love you all and Bye!

(Warning: The material you're about to read is the reason why this fic is M rated.)


ARE YOU READY?!

.

I SAID ; ARE YOU READY?!

MOTHERFUCKER, I SAID ARE YOU READY?!

Yeah yeah, just get his over with….

Translations and explanations - * signs

Shodaime - The first hokage (its pronounced hoka-gay) of Konoha. 1 fire shadow is the literal translation.

After replacing all of his rotten food with a henged clone, he began to gorge himself with every single type of food he could think of… - "No he is not cannibalizing his own clone goddamnit people how can you think of something so sick." "Actually, we didn't even consider that but you put it here that means YOU are having fucked up thoughts, and you even fucking laughed…" "Lalalalalalalallalalalala- I CANT HEAR YOU!"

Naruto channeled chakra into his hands, temporarily paralyzing the sannin's arm while it sat firmly in Naruto's grasp.

Naruto pulled on Jiraiya's arm, making the enraged and belligerent man stumble forward. – Hello kids, are you ready for your daily dose of mental scarring? Well lets replace some of the words here, shall we?. :

Naruto channeled chakra into his hands, temporarily heathing the sannin's tool while it sat firmly in Naruto's grasp.

Naruto pulled on Jiraiya's donger, making the enraged and belligerent man stumble backwards in pleasure.

DA 'WHAT IF' SERIES and random fadhglszblm

"Like dude I can't wait till the lemon chapter comes, then finally reading 50 shades of grey should pay off…"

"Nah, dude it will be already written, you just gotta spell check it. And don't even think about writing an extra lemon here in your notes, the author already thinks your cray-cray."

*sigh* "Well I won't write the lemon I will just 'improve' it"

"OH HELL NO! YOUR NOT GOING TO REPLACE HANABI WITH SOME DUDE JUST TO PISS OF THE READERS!"

"But, but you don't understand. When you live under a bridge and eat ice you just don't get amusement regularly so you gotta savor every moment of it…"

"No is a no, I don't care if your my fucking grand shemale father and the T-rex himself, you will not further more piss of the readers, ESPECIALY NOT WITH YAOI."

1 – How do panthers reproduce - lost my virginity to a goat. I was working at a bird sanctuary and they had some goats and sheep there. I was left to close up one day and I thought i'd stay around because the weather was awesome and it was so peaceful. I got horny and decided to act on all the animal porn i'd watched and found so fucking hot. I tied one of the goats up in one of the hay barns and fucked it bareback in the ass. It was fucking amazing and I was shit scared

2-My dream- I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

3- The 'Hybrid - Hello, i come to seek help. I am interested in trying to discover a way to produce eggs much like a chicken does. i have tested inserting the egg into myself and hoping it will act like a seed and grow like a tree in my belly but so far it has not been successful. Please help i struggle to sleep at night without an answer.

OK. Now I was pretty lazy even for my standards and didn't bother to write crap, SO I just copied other crap :D. These are the stories of my fellow spammers that now must rest in pepperoni due to so nazi mods, and with this I share their knowledge.

Guys I hope you enjoyed the chapter and some qsjhsklzghmnbm. Cya next time on:

Boy struck my lightning ; a fascinating story about little tsundere girls that view older boys as pieces of meat to pounce and the same older boys who don't mind it cuz their fucking lolicons…. Will Bob find his underwear? Find out in the next episode… (Plot of my story)

(Once again my Beta has gone off the deep end. I think editing the chapters is messing with his mind)


IMPORTANT NOTE: Don't expect new updates until late January. But do expect all of the past chapters to be reviewed and beta'd during that time.