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Five Things I Regret Telling Ash Ketchum, and the One Thing I Don't...

1. I have to volunteer as a Candy Striper at my local hospital.

"Oh, sugar! Oh honey, honey! You are my Candy Girl and you've got me watching you!" Ash sang sweetly. I glared at him, grinding my teeth in the lobby of the hospital. There I was, all decked out in my Candy Striper uniform, and he was mocking me. It sucked. I thought I could trust him to be responsible and kind and charitable in this time of misfortune (I really hate the irritable sick people I have to work with) but no! He has to be a jerk!

"Will you shut up?" I screamed.

"When I kissed you, girl, I knew how sweet a kiss could be, like the summer sunshine pour your sweetness over me! Sugar, pour a little sugar on it honey, Pour a little sugar on it baby! I'm gonna make your life so sweet, yeah, yeah, yeah! Pour a little sugar on it oh yeah Pour a little sugar on it honey," He continued. I wrung my hands in my hair and screamed with anger. He just had to know the whole song didn't he?

"Stop singing that song!"

"Aw, come on Misty! It's hilarious!" He giggled helplessly. "I mean, you're a Candy Striper! It was one thing when we were helping all those pokémon, but you hate what you're doing! You bring food to crabby old people because all the pretty kids got to work in the children's ward! Look at your face, Misty! It's completely priceless! You need a freaking mirror to see that face of yours! It's so funny!"

"At least you stopped singing that song," I muttered, then continued in a louder voice. "Who cares, Ash? It's not freaking funny!"

"Oh, the song?" He grinned. "Back to the chorus! Oh, sugar! Oh, honey, honey! You are my-"

"Shut up before I freaking kill you!" I screamed. "I'm in a hospital, Ash. Your odds of surviving are really high! I shouldn't feel that bad about it if we're twenty feet away from the emergency room. Then I'll be your freaking nurse! Just don't…Ash, don't sing that song any more."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay. I won't sing that song any more," Ash grinned. I nodded and sighed with relief.

"Well, I'm going back to work now. I guess I'll see you at the end of my shift?" I asked. Ash smiled sympathetically and nodded. "Uh, would you mind picking me up a hot chocolate before you drop off to pick me up and take me home?" I asked timidly. He nodded again. I smiled thankfully and turned away, walking down the hall a few feet before freezing at the new sound behind me, and screaming with rage once more.

"I know a girl who's tough but sweet. She's so fine, she can't be beat. She's got everything that I desire. Sets the summer sun on fire. I WANT CANDY! I WANT CANDY!" He sang, his voice boomed throughout the lobby, and several of the waiting patients began to laugh. Best medicine my ass. That laughter didn't make me feel better. In fact, as the blush stained my cheeks, I only felt fifty times worse.

2. I have problems with math.

"Are you kidding?" Ash began to giggle. "You don't know how to do this problem? Come on, Misty! Even I can figure out this problem and I haven't gone to school since I was nine! Really, when you said you needed help on the homework your sisters gave you I thought you were kidding! It's just a word problem! I mean, really, it's not that funny of a joke," Ash rolled his eyes and looked at me across the table.

"I'm not kidding," I groaned. "I can't figure it out at all!"

"Misty, the joke's getting old. I know you're just trying to mock my brain power with it, but I know how to do this. The answer is fifty six. Putting down fifty four as your answer isn't going to fool me. It's fifty six, and you're not funny. Why don't you just wait until someone sets you up for a joke? Wouldn't that make this whole thing better than wasting an hour of the time I can visit you solving third grade math problems."

"This is second grade work."

"Why, because I can't think at a third grade level?" Ash snorted.

"No, because I was held back in second grade because of all this crap," I snapped. "How did you get fifty six anyway? Did you guess or what? I know there's a method to it but I just can't figure out what. How do you do it?"

"You multiply."

"…" I stared blankly at the paper, then up at his face, back down to the paper. "Huh?"

"Okay, I'll prove to you that I can't solve math problems," Ash scoffed. He scooted his chair closer to mine and took the pencil. "Jane got many cards for the holidays. Deciding to do a trick for her parents, she separated the cards. There were eight piles and seven cards in each pile. How many cards did Jane get in all?" He smoothly wrote:

7
x
8
------
56

His handwriting was girlish. I didn't comment on it. He was helping me. "Okay, right. Uh, so, how did you know what numbers to multiply and how did you know you were supposed to multiply?" I asked, trying to go along with the game he thought I was playing with him.

"They're the only numbers in the problem, Misty."

"How did you know that you were supposed to multiply?"

"Well, I know how to sole math problems and the title of your page says "Multiplication Word Problems". It really isn't that hard to figure out. I'm not as stupid as you think," he said. We were quiet for a moment before he spoke again. "You seriously can't solve these, can you?"

"No."

"Why'd you guess fifty four?" Ash asked me.

"That's the number of cards in a deck," I shrugged. Ash began to laugh. "What?"

"You retard!" He shouted with glee, guffawing loudly. "You really do suck at math! There's fifty two cards in a deck, you idiot! Fifty four!"

"…hate math."

3. I have a problem with caffeine.

"Three bottles of beer on the wall, three bottles of beer! Take one down pass it around...and everyone's really drunk in the room!" I improvised, on a temporary high from the iced mocha latte Ash had given me, saying it was 'iced hot chocolate'. I slipped dangerously on the table, then fell to my hands and knees. "Okay, I'm kinda tired now. How long have I been with all the sugar and caffeine and energy and junk?"

"Seven hours of non-stop action," Ash beamed. Him and pretty much everyone else we had ever met was having the time of their life watching my little show. "Misty, would you like another mocha latte?"

"I don't know…" I trailed off.

"Oh, come on. It's really good tasting, I swear," Ash held up the whipped creamed, swirled with chocolate, king sized, caramel coated delicious thing. I looked at it, head cocked to the side and obviously tempted.

"When I was little my mom said that I wasn't allowed to have coffee. In fact, I'm not even allowed to have too much chocolate because there's caffeine in that too. I haven't had one of those since I was really, really little. Who knows what it'll do to me?"

"Don't worry, Misty. You'll be fine."

"I don't think I should," I shook my head wildly. "No, I'll do something stupid. I shouldn't. It's probably not healthy for me either. I think I'm just going to find a corner somewhere and go to sleep." My common sense was starting to win out. After all, I knew the biggest rule was to never listen to Ash, my best friend and worst enemy all rolled into one. There was nothing more than he'd want then to embarrass me. The high was disappearing fast, and Ash could tell.

"It's not a mocha latte."

"But you just said-"

"I lied, I'm sorry. That was wrong. I shouldn't have lied to you. I just wanted this all to myself. It's an icy hot chocolate. It's really good, try it. I bet I can drink mine faster than you!" He was handed a second one by Brock and my competitive spirit and slight high won over my common sense. Iced hot chocolate. Funny, isn't that what I was told before jumping up and down singing Shania Twain karaoke?

"You're on, Ash! You'll never beat me!"

"I bet I will," he smirked. "Three, two, one." And with that, I drank the entire king sized drink in under thirty seconds, while Ash sipped idly at his. I squealed with delight and began to race around the big room once more, screaming about how I won again. "Yeah, you sure did Misty. I'm such a loser at this. Want to try this little contest again in another seven hours? Maybe I'll get us each even bigger sizes to make it more interesting."

"Ha! Like you'll ever win!"

"Oh, I'm sure I'm winning as we speak," Ash smiled. "Merry Christmas to me and your secrets three. So, Misty, do you know what I'm thinking we should do now?" He asked. I came back in from my half daze, high as a kite once again.

"Sure I do!" I said, shaking from the caffeine and bouncing up and down. "But where are we going to get that much string cheese and a wombat?"

4. I had a crush on my related-but-not friend.

"Damn. Are you kidding me?" Ash blinked. "That guy you were kissing was your cousin?"

"No! That's not it! Well, he was but he wasn't! Mew, Ash! It's complicated, okay? Could you just butt out? This is a weird, strange Waterflower thing. I have a weird family! It's not what you think this is so can't you just leave me alone?" I shouted.

"You're getting it on with your cousin, how can I drop blackmail like this?"

"We're not getting it on!"

"Are too!"
"Are not!"
"Are too!"
"Are not!"

"Fine then, tell me why it's okay."

"See, my aunt married a man who had a kid from a previous marriage. So he was my cousin by marriage! See, there's no blood involved! We're not actually related or anything. I've had a crush on him since I was eight, and, I mean, he likes me too. Last year, my ex-Uncle divorced my aunt. See, so, now he's my ex-cousin. We're not related at all now, by blood or marriage! It doesn't even matter anymore that we were related!"

"No, that still counts."

"Ash!"

"It's disgusting, Misty!"

"Is not!"
"Is too!"
"Is not!"
"Is too!"

"Hold it, hold it!" Brock stormed in and pulled us apart. We both screamed in protest and continued our fight. "Shut up you two! Tell me what's going on. Ash, Misty, who started it this time?" We each shouted that the other one did. "I should've expected that one," he sighed. "Now, both of you. Let's sit down for a minute and calmly explain to good ol' Brock what's going on here. There's never a good reason for you two to fight."

"Misty's trying to convince me that it's okay for her to get it on with her cousin!"

"I'm not 'getting it on' with Benvolio and it's not like he's saying it!" I turned desperately to Brock. "Come on, Brock, you know I wouldn't do that kind of thing! Ash is blowing this all out of proportion. If you'd let me explain you'd understand!"

"You know what, Misty. I get it now. I really do understand what you meant. It's not wrong, it's just cousin lovin', cousin lovin', cousin lovin'!" Ash taunted. I tugged at my hair and dropped to my knees, screaming about how I'll kill him one day.

5. I watch kids shows.

"I'm sorry, what show was that?" Ash asked teasingly. I felt my self redden.

"Uh, nothing," I flushed. "You know what, forget it. This stupid Game of Truths or whatever the hell it's called is getting stupid!" I snapped, blushing. "I'm done with this. Why don't you have any interesting secrets! It's bad enough that Daisy's already put a sugar ban on this place, but now this is happening? Ugh! I wish I had a candy bar, my hands a shaking, look!" I held them up, and sure enough, they were trembling. My attempt to keep Ash from prying didn't work.

"What show was it?"

"No. I'm not telling," I pouted. He glared childishly and held up the 'contract' we signed. "It's not a real contract, you retard!" I shouted furiously. "It's a piece of paper you scribbled on and we signed. Who cares if you're allergic to spinach? That's a crappy secret! Hardly anyone likes spinach anyway! I hate you! I hate you!" He shook the paper. "I watch whatever is on Nickelodeon in the morning. Dora the Explorer, Blues Clues, all of that junk."

"No way."

"You caught me Ash! I'm lying!" I shouted furiously. "I actually don't watch any of those shows. In fact, everything I've told you over the past few weeks have been a lie. It was all an elaborate act to try and get you off my trail! My real secret is that I had plastic surgery, and I'm actually really sexy! In fact, I'm o hot I turn gay men straight and straight women lesbians!" May, at that point, walked in with a smile on her face, changed to one of horror, and walked back out.

"Nice, you scared off May. Congratulations, Miss Sexy Plastic Surgery," Ash smiled. "I can't wait to tell all our friends that you watch those shows. I bet you know the theme songs too. Hey, if I can ever get you hypnotized, guess what you'll be singing?" he began to laugh, and a growl rose up in my throat. The laughter stopped. "Misty, okay, I understand that you're a little angry. Let's…let's be friends. Friends don't hurt one another."

"Friends keep secrets."

"Not necessarily, but friends can start keeping secrets if it keeps friends from killing them," Ash swallowed, beginning to back away nervously. I stepped forward dangerously, about to destroy him. "Why can't we be friends, why can't we be friends?"

"Because you, Ash Ketchum, are a no good, dirty, rotten, disgusting, pitiful, scrawny, fat, ugly son of a bitch!" I shouted. "Maybe if you knew how to keep secrets and keep your mouth shut I wouldn't have to kill you!"

"Oh, well, that's a good reason," Ash laughed nervously.

"I'm going to freaking kill you!" I leaped from my spot and tackled him into the ground, beginning to pound at him with fists and legs, praying for some kind of crack of broken bones. That's when Daisy and my sisters and Brock, and the Maple kids and a bunch of other people came in and tried to drag me off of him while I continued to scream, "No! I hate him! Let me go so I can rip his guts out! I can handle jail, I know it!"

I was put in time out for sixteen minutes. I threw a temper tantrum while I was in time out and broke a plate. Professor Oak later explained that my fits, violent even for me, might've been caused by withdrawal caused by Daisy's removal of sugar. Sure enough, when I was handed a chocolate bar, I became my normal, happy self and apologized to Ash. This, if you want to get technical, is another secret Ash holds over my head.

1. Something I Don't Regret

It was quiet. We sat still by a lake in the afternoon glow, standing fully equipped in our snow gear. Ash in jeans, a sweater, and a warm hat, me in a light jacket and shorts. I leaned into him. "I'm so freaking cold out. How about you?"

"I'm warm. Maybe it's because you're in shorts."

"Mmm, that would explain a lot," I agreed quietly. "Hey, Ash. Could I have your hat? Ninety percent of your body heat, or something like that, escapes from your head. Maybe I'll be warmer then," I smiled, not looking at him but the frozen lake.

"Your fiery hair should keep you warm enough," Ash chuckled. It sounded a little nervous. I guess it was because a second later he was brave enough to curl an arm around my waist. "That and your jacket. You pink jacket."

"It's the only jacket I own, Ash," I rolled my eyes. "You can't expect me to go out and buy a jacket when I'm so well adapted to the cold. Today's just a little too cold for me and my fiery hair. Besides, I'm a carrot top, really, it's not a red fire color."

"But if I give you my hat, my head will be cold."

"But you have pants and blubber to keep you warm."

"Did you just call me fat?"

"Yeah," I giggled, darting away and scooping up a pile of snow. "So what are you going to do about it, Chosen One?" I tossed it at his head and hit right on the mark. His hat toppled from his head, and Pikachu raced by to grab it and give it to me.

(Merry Christmas,) She giggled, plopping the hat on my head. (I wanted to get you and Ash mistletoe but I was out of luck. I can't find a sprig anywhere in this stupid region. Where does that junk grow, anyway? A factory?)

A snowball collided into the side of my head. "Ash!" I yelped, putting a hand to my frozen ear. "When did your aim get so good? Have you been practicing your snowball throwing techniques while I've been away?"

"You caught me," Ash teased. He threw another snowball, aiming for my bare legs. I yelped. "See, you should've listened to your sisters and put on a pair of shorts, Misty! You just had to be as stubborn as Charizard, didn't you?"

"It's my duty! I've got to remind everyone that they're not the only ones in charge here!" I laughed. I barely noticed Pikachu leaping from my arms when we started an honest snowball fight. Ash continued to aim for my vulnerable legs, and I just chucked three times as many in his direction, every one of them landing perfectly. Half of his missed. Soon we were on the ground, though, the snow melting on our seats and the cold seeping into our bones.

"I haven't had that much fun in a long time," Ash smiled at me and changed the topic. "Did you miss me?"

"Now you know I don't want to answer that," I sighed. "You know the truth, so can't we just accept it and start up the snowball fight. Just because I watch kids shows doesn't mean this is turning into an after school special. Romance should stick to fantasy and books when it comes to my life. That's just where it belongs."

"Come on, Misty. I'll have to start singing again if you don't."

"Ugh, no," I moaned. "Have you heard the way you sing? Pure torture, Ash. Girls scream and run in terror, men pick up their pitchforks, the army grabs their guns, the government grabs their nuclear warheads whenever you try and use that monstrosity you call a voice!"

"Well, we can't all have great singing voices," Ash huffed. He cleared his throat. "Say you love me every waking moment, turn my head with talk of summertime! Say you need me with you now and always! Promise me that all you say is true! That's all I ask of you!"

"That's Christine's part!" I laughed. "First Ashley, now Christine!" He tackled me into the snow and we wrestled for a while before collapsing in a heap of giggles. "We're too old and to young to act this childish," I shook my head.

"Please say you missed me most?"

I sighed. "That's another secret, Ash. I'm not going to have any left soon." He continued to give me puppy dog eyes. My defenses fell a bit, he was so adorable. "Alright, alright, Ash. I missed you more than anyone else."

"I knew it!" He said triumphantly. I laughed at how joyful he was, then we fell quiet. He scrambled next to me and looked down with childish excitement. "Hey, Mist, do you wanna know a secret? It's a Christmas present from me to you."

"Is it my only present?"

"No," he grinned.

"Then yes, I'll hear you secret."

He kissed my cheek and blushed, whispering in my ear. "I missed you most too."

Some secrets are worth sharing.


No bow chicka wow wow. Just fluff. Sad, isn't it? Well, I'm saving my bow chicka wow wow for another time. I was in a little kid kind of mood, so I wrote them immature, one of my favorite qualities of Ash and Misty.

In case I don't update before the season is over, Happy Holidays.