"So – when are you going to let me go out as Robin again?"

"If I were to give you a goal, for instance when you can complete the training course in 180 seconds, you're only going to make yourself sick, overworking yourself to reach it."

"… Am not…"

Batman smirked slightly at the boy's pout and continued.

"When I decide you're fully healed and fit. But until then, to prevent you from destroying every chandelier in the manor, you can come with me on a trial run with the improved Batboat."

"Hey! It was one chandelier – when I was a kid. When are you going to stop pushing that down my throat?"

Batman couldn't stop himself from chuckling.

"All right, chum. Suit up and meet me by the boat."

The duo had a relaxing boat trip away from the urban area of Gotham. Sometimes Batman would demonstrate or point out a new feature of the boat, such as the increased speed or the launching grapnel that doubled as an anchor. It was still a far cry from the Batboat of his time, but a significant improvement. But mostly they enjoyed the fresh air, the sunlit reflexes on the sea, and the company.

With hindsight, Batman should have known it couldn't last. But he didn't even feel a hint of worry when Robin rested his arms on the side of the boat and stared intently over the water.

"Do you see those strange ripples in the water, Batman? It looks too fast and large to be a fish – if I believed in sea monsters, I would say Gotham has its very own."

Robin leaned further over the side.

"What would be a good name for a Gotham sea monster, you think? Goth-ssie…Gossie… doesn't really work. I know – Gothzilla!"

Batman turned to look, and only when he saw the dull glimmer of metal and that it came straight at the Batboat did he feel the first tendril of unease.

He increased the speed and turned the boat towards the island that they were passing. Hopefully, whatever it was wouldn't follow them into shallow water, and they could figure it out from the relative safety of the beach.

His anxiety grew when whatever it was turned after them, and it was evident that the Batboat didn't gain any distance.

"Robin, sit back," he barked, preparing to try to outmanoeuvre their pursuer and worried that the boy might fall overboard. To his relief, the boy immediately complied, and he started steering the speedboat in irregular serpentines, trying to leave the thank that flashed through the water behind.

Robin had taken up position in the middle of the boat, fixing the follower with his eyes; suddenly he exclaimed in a shrill voice:

"It's coming up!"

Right on cue, the surface was broken by a massive metallic object, more like a robot killer whale than anything else. Batman managed to jerk the boat away from a gap full of sharp, manmade teeth in the last moment and steered straight against the island.

Of all the blasted, unlucky coincidences. They had come upon the island of George Milo – dubbed the Island of a 1000 traps, once the media had got wind of the place. He and Robin had gone there when they picked up information that Milo, one of the nation's top criminals, had bought the island under another name to live there, believing that it would be a haven for him.

Batman couldn't recall precisely when it had happened, but he thought it had been later; perhaps even in the early autumn.

To think that he had intended to take the boy on the equivalent of a trip to the beach, to cure the worst of his antsiness. And ended up on an island packed with deadly traps. If Bruce had been a theatrical kind of man, he would have torn his hair; and dunked his head against the nearest solid surface, for good measure.

He and Robin had had several narrow escapes, his first time there; and he wasn't even sure he knew of all the traps that Milo had put up to keep unwanted company from landing on the island. Still, since he remembered that the robot killer whale had cracked the Batboat in one bite as it was guarding the shore on his first visit, landing on the island with the boat intact meant they were doing better this time… He drove the Batboat straight up on the beach.

Luckily, it was an even and sandy beach, just the kind you took your family to for a restful day; there would be no problem getting the boat off the island once they had incapacitated the mechanical sea monster.

Of course, to do that they needed to get past a number of hidden traps and reach the control centre in the middle of the island. Batman straightened up from his tense, crouched position and willed himself to unclench his teeth. He could already feel a tension headache coming up.

From what he remembered, there was an electrical trap between two trees, an outside trapdoor leading down to a watery grave with a giant octopus, a giant remote-controlled crossbow and a tank with a giant iron fist hand – that one had actually nocked the boy out.

He looked Robin over with a critical eye. The knife wound should be healed enough that he didn't really fear that it would reopen, but from experience, he knew that it would still hurt. He couldn't rely on his partner being his usual graceful self.

"How are you feeling, Robin?"

"I'm fine!"

George Milo was probably sitting in the control centre, ready to activate trap after trap as Robin and he progressed over the island, and to send his henchmen after them. When they had come in his time, there had only been about half a dozen men; he had no idea how many might be on the island right now. However, Milo had equipped the island with mechanics to keep safe; there was a fair chance that he did not have a lot of men on hand as well, but it wouldn't do to rely on guesswork.

"You have to tell me straight away if you're not up to something, chum. It could be fatal if I believe you're more fit than you are."

"You sound as if you think there will be more mechanical menaces on the island."

Time for improvisation, Batman thought.

"I have a hunch that we have stumbled upon the hiding place of George Milo. He will not have spared any expenses to keep unwanted visitors away. You need to be on your guard, every second."

"Gosh, Batman – Milo. What makes you think that?"

"… I've heard whispers in the underground that he's been preparing a new kind of headquarter. This could fit the bill nicely…"

"You never mentioned that."

"… I prefer to give you information that I know is relevant; not necessarily all the rumours I come across."

Robin turned his head slowly towards Batman, eyebrows raised.

"Is that where you've picked up everything you seem to know straight out of the air, lately? Rumours…?"

It wasn't often Batman cursed that he had let his mouth run away with him, but he could definitely have phrased that better, he conceded to himself. He mustn't give Robin the impression that rumours were a reliable source of information.

"You should never trust a rumour, Robin. That being said, you should always check if there could be any ground for it – especially if you hear it more than once."

"That's basic, Batman."

"… Good."

Batman decided to drop the subject, hoping that Robin would do the same, and scrutinised the island before them. There were trees to climbs and rocks to use as pommel horses – just the kind of environment that would incite Robin to forget about being on guard for a second to make a few leaps, just for the fun of it. At least he had an idea of where the control centre was. If he tried to lead the way between the traps he remembered, hopefully, there would be a minimum of surprises.

"We need to look for a control centre, where we can incapacitate the mechanical sea monster. Stay behind me, and don't touch anything," he ordered and started walking inland.

Robin huffed but fell into steps behind him.

Batman tried to remember exactly where the traps were, but it had been a long time ago. The first one had been an electrical trap between to trees, but there were too many possibilities for the location.

"Look carefully on how any animals you see behave," he instructed the boy.

"What do you mean?"

"Animals that live on the island will have learned to avoid traps. If you can see tracks from animals or people on the ground, that means it is probably safe to go there. And if the animals avoid something, we should follow their lead."

The boy cocked his head, considering the advice, and made a hum of agreement.

They took it slowly, and never triggered the electrical trap he had remembered. When they spotted the small village with derelict houses, Batman opted to keep a distance and keep well away from even ground where the tank with the colossal iron fist might be a danger. When Robin suggested that the control centre that they were looking for might be in one of the houses, Batman argued that the houses were too small and that George Milo would want a grander environment than a shack.

Fifteen minutes later, Batman's keen eyes spotted the outlines of the water trap they had fallen in the last time, and they could give that a wide berth. Before long, they came out of the forest and were met by a small hill with an original construction on top.

"A deserted ship – on land!" Robin exclaimed.

"I recall it once belonged to a retired sea captain who moved it here for his home."

"Perhaps Milo is hiding in there?"

The way Batman remembered, a number of Milo's henchmen had been on the ship when they went there to climb the crow's nest for a better view. He glanced at Robin, who still seemed to move unhindered; but truth be told, so far trip hadn't been taxing. A fight with several men would be another story.

But then, sooner or later they would have to face whatever company that Milo was keeping.

Perhaps the stranded ship was as good as place as any, Batman thought, and subtly checked that the sleeping gas pellets were where they should be in the utility belt.

"I think it's too small for his tastes, but I want to climb it to check the terrain ahead."

They headed for the ship and Batman looked carefully after footsteps on the ground on the way. He could see tracks of at least four different soles, even if he couldn't tell how long it had been since they had been made. Around the ladder that was perched on the side of the boat, he spotted two more pairs; there might be quite the welcoming party up there.

No sooner had the duo set foot on deck, than the cabin door burst open and a group of men ran out. One, two, three… seven. Several more than the last time, and enough that Batman couldn't be sure on coming out on top, especially not with Robin hurting. Time to be sensible.

"Robin, gas mask," he ordered as he removed several items from his utility belt: pellets filled with sleeping gas, a smoke bomb and his own mask.

With seven men and the gas out in the open, they wouldn't all be incapacitated. But some of them would at least be affected by the sleeping gas, and the smoke would confuse others, thus making them easier for the crimefighters to take out.

He threw the pellets straight at the group of men; when they broke and spewed a heavy, yellowish plume of smoke blended with the dark fog from the smoke bomb, the men started to scatter. Two of them were on their knees in a matter of seconds, and another two were clearly affected. A satisfactory result, Batman decided; he shot a quick glance to check that Robin had his rebreather on and then turned to fight the men, starting with the ones that had avoided the gas.

He could hear Robin's step as he followed into the fray and from the corner of his eyes, he saw the boy take a leap, swing around the boom and strike down one of the men who was affected but still standing. While Batman exchanged punches with the men that had escaped the gas, Robin took down his second victim with a series of kick and then waited for Batman to defeat the last two of Milo's men.

When Batman came up to him Robin, bless him, almost pouted at how easy it had been.

"Why did you use the gas, Batman? We could have handled it…"

"Hm."

The boy crossed his arms, frowned and huffed in annoyance. Batman chose to ignore him – this wasn't a discussion he wanted to have in front of a group of men who would not hesitate to spread anything they could pick up on the Dynamic Duo. He started to tie up them in silence, and soon Robin took his line and did the same.

When they had finished, Batman climbed up to the crow's nest to look around. Almost directly, he spotted their goal; a massive castle-like stone building, less than half an hour's walk away.

"Did those rumours you picked up include ways into that fortress? Once we've passed the giant crossbow that's guarding the entrance?" Robin asked pointedly, once they stood in front of the solid building. A crossbow, twice as high as Batman, mounted on wheels and with a radio receiver on top, blocked their path to the solid oak gateway.

"I think I can solve that on my own, Robin," Batman replied. "Get down on the ground and crawl after me."

Robin looked at Batman, then at the crossbow and back to Batman again, with pursed lips and raised eyebrows. Then he nodded shortly, more to himself than for the benefit of his mentor, and got down.

Batman started moving over the ground on his arms and knees.

"Slowly, Robin. The bow will turn in our direction, but it won't be triggered until we stand up and become targets."

"Got you."

They worked their way around the giant bow and to the locked gateway. Batman made sure that they were right in front of the door and glanced at Robin.

"We're going to stand up to make the crossbow fire and open the doors for us. We need to be quick about it – can you make it?"

"Of course."

"… You know I only ask because I want you safe, Robin. I can trigger it on my own. Are you positive your injury won't be a problem?"

"Yes! And I'm faster than you, so perhaps you should be the one to stay down. I wouldn't want anything to happen to you…"

"Not till I'm old and grey, Robin… Keep a yard away from me when you stand up. On the count of three. One; two; three!"

They stood up, looking guardedly on the crossbow that was pointing straight at them, twitching between the duo as to decide which one to target. With the snap of a lever, the arrow flew, and Batman threw himself down, one arm outstretched to bring Robin with him, but there was nothing but air for him to grip. As Robin had promised, he was the faster one.

The arrow cracked the gateway ajar with a dull thud; it would be a tight squeeze, but it would work, Batman decided once he had looked it over. He nudged Robin to get inside and kept a wary eye on the crossbow that reloaded automatically and held its position.

A few seconds later both of them were standing inside, looking over a huge central hall with galleries all around one floor up. Batman put a hand on Robin's shoulder to steer the boy away from the gateway but kept close to the wall.

The last time, Milo's last companion had been waiting for them with a rifle on one of the galleries. But he had no way of knowing how many men – if any – might be with the gangster inside the fort this day.

Robin looked expectantly at him, waiting for orders. Batman looked around, straining his hearing to pick up any sign of life. At first, he heard nothing. But after a minute, there was a faint sound of a creaking door. From the way Robin's head whipped around, he could tell that the boy too had heard it.

He kept his hand on the boy's shoulder and concentrated on listening. Two men, trying to walk softly over the stone floor on the gallery upstairs. They could use their batarang lines to get up there and confront the men, but it would be risky if they were armed and ready. On the other hand, the only other way up was the grand staircase; if they took that, they would be instantly visible and easy targets. And Milo's men had no reason to descend to the ground floor. They could wait upstairs.

Batman looked around with narrowing eyes. It didn't make any sense only to have one staircase to the upper floor… There should at least be one or two smaller stairs, he thought, scanning the building. And there, in the far corner, he could see a shadow that was probably a small utilitarian stair.

He bent down to speak in Robin's ear.

"There's a stair in the corner over there. Keep close to the wall, go there and climb it. If you don't meet anyone on the way, stay hidden until I draw them out, and then you attack. Got it?"

Robin frowned but nodded.

"Be careful, Batman," the boy whispered.

Batman gave him a short nod and what he hoped was an encouraging smile, and pushed Robin lightly towards the corner. While his young protégé moved silently towards the stair, he continued to listen after the two men. As far as he could make out, they were standing still on the gallery, waiting to get the two intruders in the line of fire.

Robin would be hidden from them all the way, but he himself had to get up quickly to surprise them. It would have been so much easier if he had had his modern, lightweight but very efficient grapple hook gun.

He kept track of Robin's progress at the same time as he walked over to stand exactly under the two guards. When he was quite certain that the boy had reached the gallery upstairs, he steeled himself; time to get ready. Batman wanted to come up as straight on the men as possible, to give them less time to react, and he moved until he was in the right position. After a deep breath, he ran forwards, leapt up and grabbed the edge of the gallery floor, letting his body swing as fast as possible and flew over the parapet.

Before he even landed, Batman knew that he had miscalculated the position of the men with two yards. But he didn't linger on the thought but rushed to the closest man and knocked him down with a hook punch.

A quick turn towards the second man and he was staring right into the barrel of a gun too far away; the man would have time to press the trigger. Batman threw himself forward on his hands for a low handspring, aiming to go under the line of fire.

Mid-leap, he heard a shout of pain and the clank of a handgun falling on stone, but he continued his roll and came up with a powerful uppercut. The man fell to the ground, his right hand sliced with Robin's batarang.

The boy rushed up to him, wide-eyed and worried.

"Gosh, Batman, that was too close!"

Batman straightened, took a breath and let it out; it had indeed been close.

"Good job, Robin. Keep an eye out while I tie them up."

A few minutes later, Batman moved to open the last door with a feeling of relief mixed with apprehension; the previous time, Milo had played his last card by now. But he did not intend to let his guard down until the gangster was behind lock and key. He signalled to Robin to move to the other side of the door, outside the line of fire if anything was going to happen.

He threw open the door and was inside in the blink of an eye, scanning the room and with a batarang ready to throw. But the only person inside the room was the middle-aged mob boss, seated in front of a giant computer screen. Milo flinched at the vigilantes' intrusion, rose from his chair and made a gesture as if protecting his head.

"Y-you win. I give up! Don't hit me!"

"I don't intend to touch you," Batman growled.

Robin appeared in the door and added, "We'll let the law slap you – with a long prison sentence."

Milo backed away further, and Batman grunted impatiently; the man had made him and Robin spend hours avoiding lethal traps. If it hadn't been for his memories, it would have been an even more perilous trek. And now they would undoubtedly have to wait several more hours before the police could come and take over the responsibility.

He nailed the man with a glowering glance and said, "Sit! Robin, tie him up. I will contact the police."


The funny thing about travelling on your vacation is that you actually have less time to sit down and write than an ordinary working week. Who could have guessed... But finally, I've made enough progress to have a chapter ready for publishing.

Based on "The Island of 1000 traps", by Bill Finger. Art Sheldon Moldoff and Charles Paris. In Batman # 139.

It was recently established in canon that Dick has, indeed, once broken a chandelier (Batman # 54, by Tom King). I don't much care for what DC is up to at the moment, but I enjoyed that…

The line "Not till I'm old and grey. (And maybe not then, either)" I pinched from Legends of the Dark Knight # 149, "Grimm". It's a pretty cute story, although I'm not mad about the art.

And I'm sure that the time-displaced Batman really misses the grapple hook gun he used it the recent Batman # 57. Small enough to fit in his utility belt.

As per usual, you will find some illustrated footnotes on:

tumblr com / blog / northoftheroad