"I think I could live here," Rachel told him. Finn had just taken her to a few of his favorite places and they were walking back to his apartment. "Would you want to live here?"
Finn put his arm over her shoulder, pulling her closer to him. "I want to live wherever you are," he told her, then laughed. "And it seems like someplace different every time we have this discussion."
Rachel grinned at him and shrugged. "I love a lot of different places."
"You love everything," he said, kissing her head.
"Not everything," she told him. "I don't care for sushi."
"You love everything except for sushi."
"And the color green."
"And the color green," he amended. Instead of going in the apartment building, Finn walked her around to the back of it.
"Where are we going?"
"I want to show you something else," he told her. When they reached the back of the building, Rachel saw the garden.
"Oh, Finn, this is beautiful," she said. There were many different types of flowers and trees, with benches scattered throughout. They walked over to a bench and sat down.
"I miss the park in Lima sometimes," Finn told her, looking at the flowers in front of them. "I like to come down here and sit, pretend that I'm back there."
Rachel put her head on his shoulder. "I do that in New York sometimes, too," she told him.
"Makes me miss you."
Rachel nodded, her throat tight with tears. "It makes me miss you, too."
"When we're married and have a place of our own, we need a garden."
"You really don't care where we live?"
Finn shook his head. "I really don't."
"Me either."
They sat in silence for a moment, then Finn sighed. "Are we going to talk about Afghanistan?"
"Do we have to?"
"We can pretend it's not going to happen, but it will. We should talk about it."
"What do you want me to say? You're going, and nothing can stop that."
"Are you really that okay with it?" he asked, looking down into her face.
"No," she admitted. "It scares me to death." Looking into his eyes, she asked, "Are you scared?"
"Kind of," he told her. "I'm afraid I won't be able to do what I'm supposed to and someone will die or something."
"That's not what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid that you'll be shot or your helicopter will go down or you'll get lost."
"I'm not going to get lost." He grimaced. "Probably. Rachel, I need to know that you're going to be okay, even if something happens to me," he said, sitting up a little and facing her. "I don't want you to sit around and mourn forever."
Rachel sat up too. "Are you really telling me that I should just "get over it" if you die?"
Finn winced. "Maybe. I just don't want you to never move on."
"What if I don't want to move on?" she demanded.
"That's what I'm afraid of," he said. "You're amazing, Rach, and you'll still have your whole life ahead of you."
Rachel sat back as if he'd slapped her. "We are not talking about you dying. This is crazy. I refuse to talk about this, Finn."
"It's important," he told her. "This is important to me. I need to know that you'll be okay."
"Well I won't," she told him flatly. "I won't be okay."
Finn blew out a breath and stared up at the sky. "You'll have to be."
"You're acting like it's given that you're going to be hurt," she said accusingly.
"It's war," he reminded her.
"I know it's war!" she said, agitated. "I haven't for one second forgotten that it's war."
"Calm down, baby," he said.
Rachel shook her head and pushed her hair out of her face, taking a deep breath. "I worry about you every minute you're gone. You know that, right? You're off jumping out of planes and shooting guns and doing who knows what else, and that's all I can think about."
"I don't want you to," he told her. "Don't waste all of your time worrying about me."
Rachel put her hands on his face, looking into his eyes. "It's not a waste," she told him. "It's what a person does when she's in love. Don't you worry about me?"
"Of course I do," he told her. "But that's different."
"How is it different?"
"It doesn't take over my life." He looked at her. "I know you, Rachel. The whole time I'm gone, you'll be freaking out."
"I won't have time to freak out," she told him. "I'll be busy."
Finn gave her a look. "I know you."
Rachel sighed and dropped her hands, sitting back. "Maybe I'll freak out," she finally admitted. "Okay, we both know I'll freak out. But I can't help it. And I'll do the best I can to keep my neurosis to myself."
"I just want you to be happy," he told her softly. "I don't want you to be miserable because of me."
"You make me happy," she told him. "You always have. And if I give up a little peace of mind over worrying, then that's what I'll do."
"And if something happens?"
"If something happens, I'll deal with it then. I don't want to think about it now. I don't want to talk about it now. I just want to believe that everything is going to be okay and that you'll put in your time and then we'll live happily ever after."
"Rach, I'm not sure that's the best way to deal with this," he told her.
"This is the way that I want to deal with it, Finn. This is the way that I have to deal with it right now. I know that it's not what you want and I know that it's probably not the healthiest way to see things, but it's how I'm doing it." She took a deep breath. "Okay?"
Finn sighed. "This conversation hasn't gone the way I thought it would."
"Do any of our conversations go the way you think they will?" she asked him, smiling.
"You make a good point," he said, kissing her. "I love you."
"I love you too," she told him.
"Damn, we can't get away from you two," Puck said, sitting Beth down in the garden. As the little girl ran around, Quinn and Puck sat down on the bench across from Finn and Rachel. "You're in the living room, making out. You're in the bathroom, making out. You're in the kitchen, making out. And now you're in the garden, making out."
"Jealous," Finn said.
"Probably," Puck admitted.
Quinn rolled her eyes. "I feel like I'm back in high school," she told them.
"What have you been up to lately Quinn?" Finn asked her. They'd not really had a chance to talk, and he and Rachel were either kissing, trying to find a place to kiss, or kissing.
"Going to school," she told him. "It took me a while to figure out what I was going to do, but while I was…away…I worked on my art and that really helped me."
"What kind of art?" Rachel asked her.
"I've been painting more, but I'm better at sketches," she told them. She blushed a little, "I used to draw a little in high school."
"If you're talking about the pornographic pictures you used to draw of me in the bathroom, can we all just forget that?" Rachel asked.
Quinn's eyes widened and Puck laughed. "You drew those? Seriously?"
"Wait…what?" Finn asked, confused.
"Nothing," Quinn and Rachel said together.
"Anyway," Quinn said, glaring at Puck, "I've been taking some art classes at Ohio State. So far, so good. And it's close enough to Lima that I get to see Beth pretty often."
"And Sarah," Puck said. "Quinn visits her once a month."
"How's she doing?" Finn asked.
Puck shook his head, not wanting to talk about it. "I'm really glad you guys let me come," Quinn said after a moment. "I know that I haven't been the greatest friend in the past, but it means a lot that I can try again."
"We're glad you're here," Finn told her, then grinned. "We were getting tired of Puck's constant whining."
Puck rolled his eyes. "I'm hungry," he said. "Let's go get some food."
"I'm in," Finn said, picking up a squealing Beth as she tottered by him.
They stood, walking towards the front of the building. Rachel smiled as she watched Finn play with Beth, once again pushing her worries to the back of her mind. Everything would be okay.
