Disclaimer: Everything belongs to JKR except the OCs
Chapter 29: A Return to School
Severus angrily threw Minerva's letter to the ground and stomped off to find Virginie.
Virginie knew something was up the instant Severus entered the playroom. "Severus, tell me what's wrong."
"Not only is Dumbledore back, but Lupin is the new defense teacher." Severus startled the children with his vehement tone.
Virginie called for Bright and pulled Severus out of the room. "Let's leave the children to their playtime."
Severus followed his wife to their bedroom. "I thought that the Board would finalize Minerva's appointment, instead I find out that somehow that old bastard has managed to find his way back in again."
"Did you really expect his suspension to be permanent?" Virginie had not, so she was unconvinced by Severus' statement.
"No, but I was hopeful. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up, making his potions, and behaving like his lapdog." Severus sat down on the bed, his head in his hands.
Virginie moved across the room and pulled Severus' head against her breast. "We will find a way but don't think about it anymore. You'll only cause yourself more pain if you do."
Severus shuddered and refocused his attention on Remus and as he did so the pain in his head ebbed away. "I can't believe Minerva appointed Lupin. The best part is that she expects me to brew Wolfsbane for him."
Virginie became very still. "Are you going to do it?"
"Of course I will. The Headmaster will no doubt back Minerva's plan, and I'll have little choice," Severus spat out bitterly.
"You aren't going to take this out on Harry, are you?" Virginie was a little concerned, as Harry was coming to stay with them for the last week of school.
Severus smiled for the first time since receiving the letter. "I actually like Harry; it would be childish of me to take up arms against the boy just because I can't stand his father."
Virginie let out the breath she had been holding. She wanted the last week before Hermione returned to school to be a pleasant one as she knew how much her daughter was looking forward to Harry's visit. "Thank you, Severus." Virginie turned and headed back towards the door.
Severus got up. "Perhaps I'd better let you get back to the children."
Virginie leaned back against the bedroom door blocking his exit. "Unless you have a better idea of how we could spend some time?"
Severus gave a small laugh; his wife could change her mood within seconds – it was one of the things he really loved about her. "When you put it like that…"
Severus walked across the room and pulled Virginie into his arms, making her squeal slightly before dipping his head and claiming her lips with his own.
One week later
Harry lay on his back next to the lake that bordered Snape Manor and trailed his hand in the water. "I don't know why you've got all those textbooks; we don't know if they're going to say yes yet." Next to him, Hermione sat surrounded by all the textbooks she thought might need for the next term.
Hermione sounded a little exasperated at Harry's words. "But if they do, I need to be ready. You should be looking at some of these yourself."
"I've already glanced through them." Harry shook his head. "I still can't believe you want to take five electives."
"I think it's important to get a good all-round education," Hermione protested.
"So do I, but I'm certainly not going as far as you are," Harry pointed out.
"Of course you aren't, Mr. Lupin," Hermione replied primly.
"Okay, so I'm nearly as bad as you are. There was no way I was doing Divination though. Dad said it's a waste of time."
"Are things any better between the two of you now?" Hermione finally got on to the subject that she had been avoiding for the last few days.
"We're barely speaking. I still don't know what to say to him," Harry admitted. "I don't know if I'll ever feel the same way about him again after what he did to Mum."
Hermione put down the book she had been reading. "Has he talked to you about it?"
"No, we've both been avoiding being alone together. The others don't know about what Dad has done, so that's made things harder, especially as I promised Mum I wouldn't tell them," Harry said, passing on what he had agreed with his mother.
"You know that you can't avoid him forever, don't you?"
"Well, at least I can until Christmas." Harry was happy that he wouldn't have to return home before term began.
Severus' voice interrupted the pair. "I hate to disillusion you, Harry, but I found out last week who the new Defense teacher is going to be."
Harry immediately deduced where Severus was going with his comment. "Professor, please don't tell me that it's going to be Dad."
"I'm afraid so." Severus sat down.
Harry pulled himself into a sitting position. He felt uncomfortable lying down on the grass when his teacher was there. "It looks as if most of my family will be at Hogwarts then."
Severus hid his grimace. "It does."
Harry, not really wanting to discuss his dad or his family, clumsily changed the subject. "Professor, are there any other potions texts I can look at for third year? I've covered this one, and wasn't particularly impressed with it."
"Harry, you can call me Severus while you're here." As Virginie had asked Harry to call her by her first name, Severus had felt obliged to follow suit. "And the answer to your question is yes, I've written several texts myself that would be suitable for your purpose."
"Thank you, Severus." Severus' name felt foreign on Harry's tongue.
Severus smiled at Harry. "You're not alone in lamenting family members this term. I believe Ron Prewett will be suffering along with you as well; apparently his brother, Percy, has been made Head Boy."
Hermione was pleased. "He'll make a good Head Boy."
Harry looked incredulously at Hermione. "He's a stuffed shirt. He'll make everyone's life a misery." Harry turned to Severus. "Who's going to be Head Girl, Sir?"
"Penelope Clearwater." Severus hoped that she would provide a counterbalance to Percy's tendency to err on the side of severity and rule-following.
Harry looked a little happier at that news. "I like Penelope; she's great with the younger students."
Hermione pulled a face. "She's a little soft, don't you think?"
Severus interrupted the two of them. "Then together they'll provide some symmetry." Severus turned to look at the textbooks surrounding his daughter. "Hermione, please enjoy the rest of your break. You can study once you get to school."
"But…" Hermione began to protest.
"Hermione, I want you to put them away. You can take them out the day before you return if you must." Severus understood Hermione's drive but he didn't want her wearing herself out before school had even begun. He was already aware that the request he and Professor Flitwick had put in for Harry and Hermione had been approved, but Severus was aware that if he had told Hermione about it, she would have buried herself in her textbooks, more so than she had already done.
Begrudgingly Hermione began to pick up the textbooks, only to stop as Severus pulled out his wand and called the books to him, before shrinking them and placing them in his pocket. "I'll return them to you the day before school."
"Yes, Papa." Hermione sounded sulky as she responded.
Severus got up and brushed off a few blades of grass that had adhered to his trousers. "I must get back to the house; your mother wants me to watch Dominic while she goes shopping. Do either of you want to go?"
Both children pulled a face and refused the offer. "I think we'd rather stay here and sit by the lake, Sir." Harry was still having trouble calling his teacher 'Severus'.
"Very well. Dinner will be at six." Severus walked off towards the back entrance of the house.
"What am I supposed to do now?" Hermione wailed as soon as her father was out of earshot.
"Relax. You know, it's that thing you do when you lie back quietly and look up at the sky." Harry grinned at his irritated friend.
Hermione didn't bother responding and tried lying back, only to huff and puff after a few minutes. "I can't do this. I'm bored."
Harry got up. "Do you want to go for a walk around the lake then?"
"Okay." Hermione held out her hand for Harry to pull her to her feet, and the two of them set off around the lake.
Hermione started a conversation after a few minutes of silence had elapsed between the pair. "Are your sisters excited to be going to Hogwarts?"
"I don't think Georgie's looking forward to it too much. She's a bit of a homebody," Harry told Hermione. "However, Auri is beside herself. I think she wants to see Draco again."
Both children sniggered as they thought of how Auri had determinedly followed Draco around the entire time he had been staying at the Lupins. Harry was just sorry he had missed most of it due to his stay in hospital, and had had to rely on secondhand accounts from Hermione and Dudley.
"What Houses do you think they'll get into?" Hermione had Georgie pegged for Hufflepuff and Auri for Ravenclaw.
"I think Georgie will make Gryffindor, and Auri, Ravenclaw," Harry surmised.
"I bet Georgie will get into Hufflepuff. She's too quiet for Gryffindor."
"I disagree," Harry argued. "I have to admit she's quiet but she's also brave. She's stood up to Auri countless times, and you know what a terror she can be."
Hermione disagreed with Harry's viewpoint. "Standing up to your sister is one thing; being able to do the same with others is another."
"Well, we only have to wait a few more days, and then we'll know for sure."
Hermione then brought up the subject of Harry's dad. "I can't believe Mr. Lupin is going to be our teacher."
"Tell me about it; there's no way I'm going to be able to avoid him." Harry looked a little despondent about it. "He's certainly going to want to discuss our problems now."
"If you don't want to speak to your dad, you know you can always go to Papa if you've got a problem," Hermione offered.
"I don't think he can help me with this one." Harry smiled at his friend. "But thanks for offering his services."
The pair of them sat down on the opposite side of the lake under the shade of a large oak tree, as the sun, free of any obstructing clouds, began to beat down upon the children, making them feel hot and sticky.
Hermione sighed heavily while flapping a large leaf to try and cool herself down. "Would you like to go for a swim?"
"In the lake?" Harry asked.
Hermione shook her head. "No, we've got a swimming pool in the basement of the house. Mama made Papa put it in. He didn't want to as he said it was far too Muggle, but Mama insisted. We all learnt to swim in it, something most wizards can't do."
"I can, Mum took all of us to the local swimming baths when we were little. Scarlett-Rose swims like a fish," Harry informed his friend.
"Let's go then." Hermione grabbed Harry's hand and dragged him towards the house.
On reaching the house, Hermione went into the playroom to find her father. "Papa, may Harry and I go swimming?"
"If you give me a minute, I'll bring the children down, so that I can keep an eye on you." Severus gathered Dominic up into his arms, and had to fend off a squealing Bas and Liv, as they too begged to go swimming.
"We can watch them, Papa, if you want to just sit on the side," Hermione offered.
Severus was relieved. While Severus had been taught to swim by Lily Black, he disliked the Muggle pastime and avoided it whenever he could. "That would be acceptable. Let me just get the children ready and we'll see you down there. You can go ahead and get in if you want to."
The next few hours flew by as Harry, Hermione, Liv and Bas all splashed and swam around in the crystal blue waters of the swimming pool. Harry enjoyed it immensely, more so because the water wasn't full of chemicals, and it had been magically charmed to remain at a pleasant temperature.
"Hermione, I think it's time Liv and Bas came out. You can stay here for a little longer if you want to. Don't forget about dinner though." Severus scooped up Dominic, who had fallen asleep in spite of the noise, and waited for Bas and Liv to get out, grumbling as they did so.
"Harry?" Hermione asked as she lazily swam circles around her friend.
"Yes, Hermione?" Harry wished he could swim as well as Hermione did.
"Why have you stopped wearing your contact lens?" Hermione had noticed that Harry hadn't been wearing them since he arrived.
"After meeting Maman, I've decided that I like the fact that my eyes are just like hers," Harry owned.
"That's so sweet." Hermione sighed, only to suddenly gasp and disappear beneath the water.
Harry immediately began to swim to where Hermione had disappeared, letting out a sigh of relief as she reappeared, her face a picture of pain. "What's wrong, Hermione?"
"Cramp. Can you swim over and pull me in?" Hermione tried to relax her leg muscles in the hope that it would go away.
Harry reached Hermione within a few seconds and soon the two of them were slowly making their way to shallower waters. As soon as Hermione reached a depth she could stand up in, she placed her feet on the bottom of the pool and stretched out her muscles, her face relaxing as the cramp dissipated. "Thanks, Harry."
Harry watched as Hermione then began floating on her back, her long hair trailing across the water. "Hermione…"
"Yes, Harry?" Hermione floated across to Harry.
Harry forgot what he was about to say as Hermione came to a stop in front of him. She was now so close that he could see the water droplets clinging to her eyelashes, framing her chocolate brown eyes as she stared intently up at him.
"Harry?" Hermione wondered what was up with him.
Harry stepped even closer to Hermione, and gently pushed her hair away from her face. Hermione swallowed hard, as she felt a shiver run through her that had nothing to do with the temperature of the water. As Harry dipped his head, Hermione closed her eyes, her heart pounding. Hermione felt Harry's lips brush her own cautiously at first, and then, as he realized that she was not going to push him away, he became a little bolder and increased the pressure. Hermione responded by sliding her arms around Harry's waist and pulling herself into a standing position.
As Hermione's body made contact with his, Harry suddenly pulled free of Hermione's embrace and took several steps backward. "I'm so sorry, Hermione. I shouldn't have done that."
"Harry, what's wrong?" Hermione was surprised at the sound of dismay in Harry's voice.
"You're engaged to someone else." Harry put even more distance between him and Hermione as he headed out of the pool.
"But Harry…" Hermione watched as Harry shot out of the pool room. "Damn."
The next day
Virginie noticed that things between Harry and Hermione seemed a little overformal in contrast to their behavior of the previous day. "Hermione, can you please come to my room. There is something I need to show you."
Hermione got up, wondering what was so important that her mother needed to show it to her now.
As soon as they reached Virginie's bedroom, Virginie drew Hermione in, and shut the door behind them. "What happened?"
"What do you mean?" Hermione hedged.
"Hermione, things have changed dramatically between you and Harry since yesterday. Did you two have an argument?" Virginie watched as her daughter's facial expression became resigned as Hermione realized that her mother was not going to let her leave without finding out the truth.
Hermione shook her head. "Harry kissed me when we went swimming yesterday. Then he suddenly pulled away, told me it was wrong and ran off."
"What is bothering you? That he kissed you or that he kissed you and ran off?" Virginie wanted to make sure she knew what she dealing with.
"That he kissed me and ran off," Hermione told her mother. "He said it was because I was engaged to someone else."
Virginie put her arm around Hermione. "Hermione, think about it. Harry is going through a difficult time in his life right now. He is essentially estranged from his father because of what his father did to his mother. How do you think Harry felt about himself when he thought about the fact that the girl he had just kissed was engaged to someone else?"
"I don't know," Hermione said, not having thought about things like that.
"I think Harry's afraid he was acting just like his father," Virginie explained.
"But he's not like that," Hermione protested, well aware of what decent person Harry was.
"I know. He wouldn't have had a crisis of conscience if he had been." Virginie smiled softly. "I think you and Harry need to talk about what happened."
At her mother's words, Hermione barely stopped long enough to hug her mother before running out of the room to find Harry.
Running downstairs Hermione couldn't find Harry anywhere. Glancing out of the sitting room window, she spotted him sitting by the lake, and she headed out to join him.
Harry didn't look up as he heard footsteps approaching; he already knew who it would be.
"Harry, look at me," Hermione demanded.
Harry reluctantly lifted his head. "What's up?"
"You know what's up," Hermione began, and she then got to the point she wanted to make. "Harry, just because you kissed me, it doesn't make you like your dad."
"I know that," Harry snapped.
"I don't think you do. If you don't think that you're just like him, then why did you pull away from me yesterday?"
Harry reiterated what he had said the previous day. "Because it's wrong to kiss someone else's fiancée."
"Why?" Hermione badgered Harry.
Harry angrily climbed to his feet. "Because it is. I shouldn't have taken advantage of you like that."
"Harry, you didn't take advantage of me. I would have stopped you if I didn't like it." Hermione laid a hand on Harry's arm. "Please, Harry, don't let's spoil our friendship over one kiss."
Green eyes met chocolate brown as Harry looked into Hermione's pleading face, and Harry knew he was going to be found guilty of stealing more than just one kiss.
Harry pulled his arm free of Hermione's hand and slid it around her waist, pulling her close to him. His other hand slid into her hair as he once again met her lips with his own. For Hermione, although quite chaste, the kiss seemed to go on forever. This time, however, Harry did not try to run away after it ended. Instead, Harry gently laid his brow against her own and admitted to her how he felt. "Hermione, I know I shouldn't be doing this, but I really like you."
Hermione was thrilled by Harry's confession. "Oh, Harry, I really like you too."
Harry brought up the crux of his problem. "But what about Felidae?"
"I don't know," Hermione admitted.
"Do you love him?" Harry asked.
Hermione was a little indignant at Harry's question, and pulled away from Harry. "Harry, I've just kissed you. How can you ask me that?"
"I'm sorry." Harry suddenly looked defeated. "What are we going to do?"
Hermione was at a loss, and so she suggested what she thought Harry wanted to hear. "Perhaps we should just go back to being friends."
Thinking that that was what Hermione wanted, Harry agreed. "Okay. We can't tell anyone about this though."
Hermione knew she couldn't tell Harry that her mother knew; he would be mortified. "I won't. Let's go get some ice-cream." After her indulgence at the Lovegoods, Hermione had pestered Harry to bring some Muggle ice-cream with him when he came to visit. Hermione had no idea why, but somehow it tasted better than wizarding ice-cream.
Harry quietly followed Hermione back to the house.
On entering the house, Hermione told Harry to head to the kitchen, and that she would join him after she had changed her shoes. As soon as Harry left her, Hermione ran upstairs, hoping to find her mother still in her room.
Hermione let out a sigh of relief as Virginie opened the door at Hermione's knock. "Mama, I need your help."
1st September 1993
Harry and Hermione entered the platform for the Hogwarts Express, where they soon spotted Dudley and Luna, and walked over to join them.
"Where are the girls?" Harry asked.
"Dad is just seeing them into a carriage," Dudley explained. "Nev and his sister are with them as well."
Seville and Neville had ended up staying with the Lovegoods as things between Nia and Remus had degraded to such a stage that both of them had agreed that it would be a bad thing for the children to be exposed to their constant disagreements. Dudley and the girls had also quite often found themselves staying with the Lovegoods as none of them wanted to stay home with the atmosphere that prevailed in the household.
Scarlett-Rose had been the hardest hit, however, as she adored her father. Even though Remus had gone out of his way to explain to his youngest daughter that while he and her mother were no longer getting along, he still loved all of the children, and it had hurt Remus to see Scarlett-Rose turning more and more to Grimstock Lovegood for comfort, despite Remus' efforts.
"Harry," Remus' voice cut into the children's discussion, "can I have a word?"
Harry reluctantly moved over to where Remus was standing. "Yes, Sir?"
Remus cringed at Harry's formal address. "Harry, your brother and sisters don't know that I'm going to be the next Defense teacher but I have the feeling that you already know, don't you?"
Harry nodded. "Severus told me."
Remus was surprised at Harry's form of address for his professor. "That's Professor Snape, not Severus."
Harry didn't bother to inform Remus that Severus had given him permission to address him in that manner. "Yes, Sir."
"I'd like to have a talk with you this weekend, Harry. Can you come to my rooms on Saturday evening?" Remus asked.
Harry just shrugged.
Remus bit back his anger. It was a full moon that night, and he could already feel the wolf rising in him. "I'd like a proper response."
"Yes, Sir," Harry responded almost sullenly.
Remus was unable to help it, he snapped at Harry. "For goodness sake, you can call me Dad you know."
"Yes, Dad. Can I go now?" Harry wanted nothing more than to escape.
"I'll see you at school." Remus turned on his heel, cursing his own stupidity in losing his temper at Harry.
Harry rejoined his friends to look for a carriage, managing to find one close to Neville and the girls. When Harry popped his head into Neville's carriage he discovered that Draco and Pansy had joined Neville and the three girls. Pansy ignored Harry. She was still upset at Harry's rejection of her and wanted nothing to do with him.
Draco grinned up at his friend. "Hi, Harry. Where are you sitting?"
"A couple of carriages up with Hermione, Luna and Dudley." Harry lurched forward as the train pulled away.
"Hi, Harry. Don't you remember your sisters?" Auri spoke quite sharply to her brother, annoyed that he had not bothered to say hello to them first.
"Hi, Georgie, I've got your birthday present in my bag." Harry spoke to his other sister, while ignoring Auri. "Are you looking forward to tonight?
Georgie nodded a little timidly and went back to her book. Auri looked pointedly at her brother.
"Auri, I can see that you're just fine, and yes, I've got your birthday present as well." Harry turned to Neville and his sister. "I'll speak to you two a little later."
Harry returned to his carriage and the journey progressed without much ado until the sky began to darken and rain began to lash at the train as it made its way along the tracks.
Harry shivered just as the train suddenly ground to a halt, throwing Harry on to Hermione's lap. "Sorry."
Hermione wasn't exactly rushing to help Harry up off her, when the lamps in the carriage flickered several times, before finally going out. Frightened screams could be heard throughout the train.
Harry, who by now had ended up kneeling on the floor, heard several voices utter 'Lumos' and soon dim wandlight filled the carriage. "What do you suppose is happening?"
"I don't know," Hermione answered. "Perhaps there's been an accident on the tracks."
The sound of doors opening reached the children's ears. "I think someone's getting off," Dudley guessed.
"Or getting on." Luna had gone pale. She could sense something had gotten onboard, and whatever it was, she knew it wasn't good.
As noises came closer to the carriage, the air began to turn frigid. Harry could see his breath floating in front of him. Then the carriage door began to open and Harry felt himself plunged into a nightmare. Where was she? Why had she gone when he had told her not to? Lost in his nightmare, Harry lost all awareness of what was going on around him.
Hermione watched as Remus tried using enervate on Harry to bring him back to consciousness. Failing, Remus gently slapped Harry's cheek to see if the Muggle way might work any better. Suddenly Harry's eyes snapped open. "Remus, where is she?"
Remus nearly dropped Harry in his surprise at Harry's use of his given name. "Where's who, Harry?"
"Lu, where's Lu? She promised me she wouldn't go." Harry struggled to sit up, only for the room to begin spinning.
"Who's Lu, Harry?" Remus asked.
Remus suddenly found himself looking down at the business end of Harry's wand. "Remus Lupin would know who Lu was."
Remus actually felt almost afraid of Harry at that moment. He realized that Harry's patience wasn't going to last as his son ground out a demand for his identity. "You're not Remus, so who the fuck are you?"
Suddenly it clicked with Remus who Lu must be, and he hurried to reassure Harry. "Luna's fine, Harry. She's right behind you."
At Remus' words, Luna slid on to the floor behind Harry. "Shh, Harry. I'm here."
Harry twisted around in a fluid motion and pulled Luna on to his lap, burying his face in her hair. "I thought I'd lost you. That you'd disobeyed me again; that you'd gone out there." Harry's voice was chilling in its raw emotional intensity.
Luna let out a surprised 'eep' as Harry suddenly pulled her head back and began to kiss her with surprising passion and expertise for a thirteen year old boy.
Remus put a restraining hand on Dudley's shoulder and whispered to him, "I think he's having some sort of bad reaction to the Dementors. It's not Harry's fault."
Dudley sat back down. He had no idea what the Dementors were, and despite Remus' assumption that Harry was having a bad reaction to them, Dudley was still unhappy at Harry's kissing his girlfriend and, judging by the look on Hermione's face, so was she.
Remus knew he had to end this before Harry did something he might really regret, and he swiftly cast a sleeping spell on his son while he was still distracted by Luna. As the spell took effect, Harry's head slid forward on to Luna's shoulder.
"Why did Harry just kiss me like that?" Luna asked, now that she could speak again.
Hermione, who had been dismayed at Harry's attentions to Luna, immediately jumped in with a response. "I think that thing that came into the carriage did something to him. It seemed to affect Harry more than anyone else here. I just felt miserable but I didn't collapse."
Remus smiled at Hermione. "Five points to Slytherin. That thing did do it. It was a Dementor."
Hermione gasped. "One of the guards of Azkaban? What was it doing here?"
"Looking for Peter Pettigrew. The Ministry have arranged for them to guard the school and Hogsmeade while the search continues for him," Remus explained. "I didn't know, however, that they'd been given permission to board the train."
Dudley, who had been muttering under his breath, finally stopped and, still sounding pissed off, asked. "Why did Harry call you Remus, and why the heck did he kiss my girlfriend?"
"I don't know. Something about the Dementor's presence badly affected Harry. I don't think he was entirely aware of where he was or what he was doing." Even though he was defending Harry, Remus still could hardly understand Harry's behavior. "Normally their effect makes you feel sad or depressed, almost as if you have no hope. However, for those who have been through some sort of terrible ordeal during their life, the Dementors can cause them to relieve that trauma, making them believe they are once again experiencing their own worst fear."
"But how can losing me be Harry's worst fear?" Luna asked. "He's never had me to lose."
"I haven't got an answer for that," Remus admitted.
"Um, Dad, what are you doing here?" Busy muttering to himself, Dudley had missed Remus' reward of points to Hermione, and he had only just realized that Remus shouldn't have been on the train.
Hermione filled him in. "He's the new Defense teacher."
Dudley was getting really fed up now. "How come Hermione knows and I don't?"
"Because Professor Snape obviously told her. I wanted to surprise you," Remus told his son.
"Oh, but…" Anything else Dudley had been about to say was cut short, as Harry started to come round.
"What happened?" Harry groaned.
"What's the last thing you remember?" Remus asked.
"Something opening the door to the carriage. Then I felt as if was all alone; that I was searching for something that was just out of reach." Harry shivered as he spoke. "Why am I lying on the floor?"
Remus picked Harry up and put him on the seat next to Hermione, before passing him a piece of chocolate. "Eat this. It'll make you feel better."
Harry did as he was told and soon felt a delicious warmth spreading through his body, pushing back the effects of his exposure to the Dementor.
Harry then realized that everyone was staring at him. "Have I got chocolate on my nose or something?"
Luna shook her head and explained to him what had happened. Harry was absolutely mortified. "Oh Merlin! I am so sorry everyone. I just don't remember."
"It's okay, Harry," Luna said lightly. "It was because of the Dementor."
Harry looked at Dudley. "Sorry, Dud."
"Nah, it's all right. Dad said it wasn't your fault." Dudley could see that Harry was genuinely upset by what he had been told he had done, and he didn't want to distress his brother any further by giving him grief over his actions.
Hermione had remained silent during Luna's explanation. "Harry, do you remember anything specific?"
Harry shook his head. "It was more of a feeling of loss than anything else."
Remus suddenly swore under his breath. "I need to check on Jamie Potter. After what happened with You-Know-Who, he's just as likely as you to have had a bad reaction to the Dementors."
Remus spun on his heel and headed out of the carriage. He checked all the carriages as he went, but on seeing that no-one else appeared to have been affected in the same way as Harry had, he relaxed. Eventually he found Jamie's carriage.
Jamie looked up. "Mr. Lupin, what are you doing here?" Jamie had met Remus at the last dinner party his parents had hosted.
Remus ignored Jamie's question."Are you all right?"
"He collapsed and then was sick," Miranda Bailey, one of Jamie's Gryffindor friends, piped up.
Jamie pulled a face at her. "I'm okay now. Ron helped clean me up."
Remus got out a bar of chocolate. "Eat this. It'll help."
Jamie did as he was told and soon felt a little less shaky. When that thing had entered the carriage, he had been thrust into visions that had made him sick to his stomach. After taking a few more chunks, he then passed the remainder of the bar of chocolate around to his friends.
"Mr. Lupin, what was that thing?" Jamie asked.
"A guard from Azkaban looking for Peter Pettigrew," Remus told them.
Jamie shuddered. "It won't come back, will it?"
Remus shook his head. "No, they've all been removed from the train."
Jamie looked around at his friends and turned to Remus. "Mr. Lupin…"
Remus realized that Jamie wanted to talk with him alone. "Please come with me, Jamie."
Jamie got up and followed Remus. Before Remus left the carriage with Jamie, however, he turned to the remaining children. "Sorry, I should have told you, I'm your new Defense teacher, Professor Lupin." Remus then turned to Ron. "Five points to Gryffindor for doing such a great job with cleaning charms."
"I bet that's the first points to be given out this year." Ron beamed happily at Colin and Miranda, unaware of Hermione's earlier award for her reasoning about the Dementors.
Remus drew Jamie towards the empty carriage he had found earlier. He hadn't wanted to join the other teacher on the train as he had needed to get some sleep before the full moon rose that night.
Once he had closed the door, Remus turned to Jamie. "What's wrong?"
"I don't know. I had the most awful vision when that thing came into the carriage," Jamie told Remus. "Why did it affect me like that? The others were okay."
"I think your experiences with You-Know-Who have affected your ability to deal with the Dementors." Remus put a name to what had come into Jamie's carriage. "Did you see anything in particular?"
Jamie nodded. "I saw You-Know-Who sticking out of Professor Quirrell's head."
Remus knew that Jamie was hiding something and therefore queried, "Is that everything?"
"Yes, Professor." Jamie put his head into his hands to try and hide the fact that he was still shaking.
Deciding that the boy would tell him if he wanted to, Remus pulled some more chocolate out of his pocket. "Jamie, eat the rest of this. Do you want to stay here with me?"
Jamie swallowed a piece of chocolate, before answering. "Thanks, but I'd like to go back to my friends."
Remus escorted Jamie back to his carriage before closing the door and telling the children to lock it if it made them feel safer.
Jamie did as Remus suggested and then sat down. He had not been entirely truthful with Remus; he had seen a lot more than Voldemort's face sticking out of the back of Quirrell's head. However, he was still unsure if what he had seen had been real or whether it had been some sort of delusion. In an effort to forget about the nightmare the Dementors had plunged him into, Jamie turned his attention back to the conversation going on between his friends.
Remus wanted nothing more than to go back to his carriage and return to the sleep he so desperately needed but he knew that he needed to check that the other teacher was all right. On reaching the teacher's carriage in the middle of the train, Remus opened the door. Inside he found a pale, but in control brunette. "You must be Anna Jameson."
"And you must be Remus Lupin." Anna held out her hand.
"Are you okay?" Remus could feel Anna shaking.
"I'm fine, just a little shook up. I can't say that I'm particularly fond of Dementors," Anna said. "I've checked the students at the north end of the train, and they're all okay."
"Would you like me to stay with you?" Remus offered.
"I'll be just fine. I've got work to do anyway."
Remus then found himself being politely ushered out of the carriage. He had no idea why she had reacted as she had but Remus suspected that Anna didn't want him around. Shrugging, Remus decided to head back to his carriage. He only had a few more hours left before he needed to portkey to the Shrieking Shack, as the train wouldn't reach the school until after the moon had risen.
The train pulled into Hogsmeade without any further interruptions, and Harry climbed out of his carriage and on to the platform. He then spent the next few minutes looking for his dad. Dudley was obviously doing the same thing as both boys suddenly grew quite still at the faint sound of howling coming from some distance away. Harry looked at Dudley, who nodded to him before putting his arm around Luna and leading her towards the carriages that would take them up to the school.
Harry waited for Hermione, who was collecting Crookshanks from the baggage cart, and watched as Aurilia dragged Georgiana and Seville towards Hagrid who was calling for first years to follow him. Harry and Hermione then both headed after Luna and Dudley. Not for the first time, Harry wished he could ride over in the boats with the first years. Harry looked at the strange looking animals which stood harnessed to the carriages; he had been able to see them ever since his first carriage ride. As no-one else had appeared to be able to see them, Harry had said nothing.
Unseen by the schoolchildren, a small bedraggled rat searched among the crowds looking for Remus. Howling gave away the reason behind Remus' absence from the platform. With the moonlight illuminating its destination, the rat disappeared as it scampered along the ground heading towards the Shrieking Shack.
On reaching the school, Harry found himself sitting with Jamie and being checked over by Madam Pomfrey. "I'm fine. Dad gave me some chocolate," Harry explained.
"Me too." Jamie fidgeted, anxious to get to the Great Hall.
"I'm glad to hear it. You can both go then. If you feel ill at all, then I expect to see you both back here," Madam Pomfrey warned them.
Both boys walked out of the infirmary, only for Harry to be stopped by Severus. "Mr. Lupin, I need you to come with me. Mr. Potter, please make your way to the Great Hall."
Harry followed Severus to his rooms where he found Hermione sitting down, having a glass of pumpkin juice.
"I'd like you two to know that you will both be allowed to pursue the extra classes you've requested." Severus pulled out a tiny hour-glass attached to a long thin chain and passed it to Hermione. "We could only get one time-turner, so you'll have to share."
"How does it work?" Hermione resisted the temptation to play with the shiny object.
"You put the chain around your necks and turn the hour-glass back one turn for every hour you wish to go back," Severus explained. "However, its use has been restricted by the Ministry of Magic. I therefore expect you to only use for its intended purpose. Do I make myself clear?"
Both Harry and Hermione assured Severus that they understood.
Severus then pulled out a letter. "I have something else I wish to speak to you about. Lily Black wrote to me saying that you wish to start your Animagus training."
Harry and Hermione looked excitedly at each other, before Harry spoke up. "Maman gave us some books to study on meditation, but she also warned us not to try to get ahead of ourselves."
"Quite right." Severus put the letter down. "I will be continuing your training. I expect you both here every Friday evening at 7pm, starting in two weeks' time."
"Are you an Animagus, Papa?" Hermione asked, having missed Severus' change when he'd confronted Ron Prewett during their duel.
"I am." Severus did not however enlighten the children any further as to what his form was. "For our first lesson, I wish for you both to practice your meditative techniques."
"Yes, Professor." Harry stood up. "May I go now?"
"You both may."
Dismissed, Harry and Hermione raced up the corridors. "I think that we've probably missed the sorting."
Hermione slowed down slightly. "I know. I wanted to see where your sisters went."
"Let's get in and find out." Harry pushed open the door. He was right, the sorting was over. As he looked around the room, he was unsurprised to see Georgie sitting with Seville Longbottom at the Gryffindor table.
"You were right." Hermione frowned and looked for Aurilia. Both children were surprised to spot her sitting at the Slytherin table. "She made Slytherin?"
Harry was a little shocked but waved at Auri, who happily waved back and resumed her conversation with the dark-haired girl next to her.
Harry's stomach grumbled as he made his way to the Ravenclaw table to sit down in a space next to George Weasley. "Hi, Harry, what took you so long?"
"I had to see Madam Pomfrey." Harry omitted his meeting with Severus. "Where were you? I didn't see you on the train."
George looked around before dropping his voice. "Dad brought us to school in his new car."
"Car?" Harry was surprised. Most wizards didn't even know what a car was.
"It's not just an ordinary car, Harry. It's a flying car," George revealed.
Harry was impressed. "What was it like?"
"Wicked. We got really high above the clouds," George told his friend.
"I'd love to see it." Harry looked at George wistfully.
"I can ask Dad if you can come over for a couple of days at Christmas if you want," George offered.
Harry's face lit up. "Great. I'm sure Mum won't mind."
"Then that's settled. I'll write to Dad this week and let you know when," George told his excited friend.
Harry looked up at the head table, and turned back to George. "Did Dumbledore make any announcements?"
George nodded. "He told us about the Dementors. We can't stray into the Forbidden Forest or off the grounds. He said that he can't guarantee our safety if we do."
"Anything else?" Harry was not surprised by the announcement after his experience on the train.
"Yes, he mentioned Cho. Apparently she finally regained consciousness this morning," George informed Harry.
Harry felt pure relief at the news about Cho, and looked across to where Jamie was seated by Ron. He could see from Jamie's happy face that he too had heard the good news. "I'm glad to hear it. Did he say when she would be returning to school?"
George nodded. "Not until just before Christmas. It's going to take some time for her to recover."
What Albus had not announced was that Cho was actually still suffering from the effects of the sudden withdrawal she had experienced from the loss of using Dark Magic, and, worse, her near death experience. The healers believed that it would be several months before she would be able to come to terms with this.
The dinner eventually came to an end and everyone trooped out of the Hall and off to their dormitories. Luna fell into step beside Harry. Dudley was walking further ahead talking to Draco and Pansy.
"Luna, I really am sorry about today." Harry still felt bad that he had apparently kissed his brother's girlfriend.
"That's quite all right." Luna patted his arm. "I didn't mind."
Harry gaped at the girl. "But I kissed you."
Luna stopped just before the entrance to Ravenclaw tower. "I know."
"Well, I can tell you now that I won't be doing it again," Harry assured Luna.
Luna sighed. "Pity, you're such a great kisser." With that, Luna skipped through the entrance and went to join Dudley, leaving Harry standing open-mouthed in the doorway. He was at a complete loss, and he would have been more so if he had known what was going on in the Shrieking Shack.
Remus had portkeyed into the Shrieking Shack to find a goblet of Wolfsbane waiting for him. He had already been taking it for several days in preparation for the change. Quickly swallowing it, Remus grimaced at the foul taste, and then he stripped off his clothes. He had learned it was better to go through the change naked whenever possible in order to preserve his clothing.
Remus was aware of the exact moment that the full moon began its ascension into the night sky... his body began to ripple and distort as his limbs lengthened, muscles stretched and hair began to grow at an incredible rate all over his body. Unable to help himself, Remus screamed out loud. No matter how many times he went through the process, the pain never seemed to lessen. Eventually, a large werewolf stood in Remus' place, panting heavily.
After walking around the room for a while and unable to find any way to escape, it finally settled down on the huge rug that ran the length of the shack in front of a boarded-up fireplace. Suddenly the werewolf heard a scampering sound coming along the passageway. Sniffing, it caught the scent of another animal. Dimly in the back of its mind, it recognized the scent: Wormtail.
Peter entered the room, squeezing through a small crack in the wood, for once grateful for his diminutive size. As he slipped through the crack he spotted the werewolf lying in the corner. If Peter had not known about the slight differences between a werewolf and a wolf, he might have presumed it a common, albeit large, wolf. Warily, the small rat approached the werewolf, which up until now still had not moved. As the minutes passed and the werewolf remained immobile, Peter decided to take a chance and transform.
"Can you understand me?" Peter asked, his a voice a little shaky. He had half expected Remus to attack him.
The werewolf did nothing but watch and listen.
"Please, Remus, I need your help," Peter begged. "I didn't do it. I didn't betray James."
If Peter had taken a split second longer to transform, the werewolf would have been able to clamp its powerful jaw around his arm, as it let out a bloodcurdling growl and leapt at the small man who quickly disappeared from sight. Angry at losing its prey, the werewolf looked around on the floor and spotted the small animal trying to flee towards the same spot it had entered the room. Easily covering the short distance, the werewolf reached out with its large front paw and swatted at the rat, sending it flying in the air towards the other end of the room.
The small rat hit the wall with a small crunch, and it fell unhindered on to the floor, blood pouring profusely from a wound on its head. The werewolf watched almost lazily as the rat once again made a bid for freedom, its claws scrabbling for purchase on the blood slicked floor. Just before it reached the exit it was seeking, the werewolf pounced once more, sending the rat flying across the room yet again.
The little rat hit the floor, shaking itself as it tried to clear its head. Dimly Peter understood that the werewolf was playing with him, almost taunting him to make a move. He also knew that Remus was cognizant of exactly who he was, and that he was going to make him pay for what he thought Peter had done.
The werewolf was now slowly moving forward inch by inch, backing the rat up against the wall. As the rat felt the rough texture of the wood against its tail, it also felt a small opening. As quick as a flash it whizzed round and prayed that the opening would be big enough; it was. As it fell to the ground outside, it could hear the werewolf trying to rip the wall apart in pursuit of him. Unable to get out, the werewolf screamed out its frustration to the night.
The next morning Remus limped out of the Shrieking Shack and, instead of heading up to the infirmary to get his wounds cleaned, he headed for Albus' office instead.
"Remus, what brings you here? I thought you'd be in the infirmary recovering." Albus waved at Remus to sit down.
"I had a visitor last night," Remus told the headmaster.
Albus immediately sat up. "Who?"
"Pettigrew. He was actually stupid enough to try and reason with me," Remus snorted, still barely able to believe that Pettigrew had been so stupid.
"Is he dead?" Albus asked.
Remus shook his head. "He somehow managed to evade me."
"Damn!" Albus swore. He had hoped that Remus had dealt with the man. "Did he say why he was there?"
"He tried to, but I didn't give him a chance."
"If you see him again, please let me know at once."
Remus nodded and left Albus' office.
Albus wondered why Pettigrew would seek Remus out. Albus knew he would have to be careful. It wouldn't do for Pettigrew and Remus to get together, despite the fact that Remus was still under his control. If he came across Pettigrew first, he would have to put him out of his misery.
Monday morning
Harry met Hermione as she came round the corner. He quietly whispered to her "How was Divination?"
"I should've listened to you. Trelawney's awful," Hermione hissed as softly as she could.
Draco passed the two of them. "Shouldn't you be heading for Divination?"
Hermione just waved him on. "I'll be there shortly. I need to speak to Harry."
Harry scratched his head. "I think this is going to get confusing."
"Tell me about it," Hermione exclaimed. "Let's get to Muggle Studies before we're late."
Anna Jameson looked up as the last two students walked in. "Miss Snape and Mr. Lupin, you're just in time. I'm afraid you'll have to sit together."
Harry and Hermione were both quite happy with the seating arrangements. Even though he was well aware of how Muggles lived, Harry had still wanted to study Muggles from a wizard's perception. He was to be very surprised to discover that Professor Jameson was extremely knowledgeable, and that she had ditched the assigned textbook in favor of several others, which she herself had supplied.
After listening to the Professor for over an hour, Hermione still could hardly believe some of the things that Muggles had done, despite what Harry had told her. She put her hand up. She wanted to check something that Harry had promised her was true. "Have Muggles really been to the moon?"
Anthony Goldstein laughed at her. "Don't be daft, Snape."
"Yes, they have Miss Snape. Five points from Ravenclaw, Mr. Goldstein. I expect the pupils in my class to be respectful to others when making a statement, more so when that statement is correct." Anna hated students like Goldstein who had no real desire to learn about Muggles, and had only taken her class because they believed it was a soft option.
Anna rummaged through the pile of photos she had brought with her, stopping when she found the picture she was looking for. "This photo was taken when a Muggle called Neil Armstrong first stepped foot on the moon. Muggles went there in something called a rocket."
"Did it run on magic, Professor?" Susan Bones asked.
"No, Miss Bones. It was fueled by liquid oxygen and hydrogen. It's all part of Muggle physics and chemistry, something we won't be covering here," Anna said.
Harry was aware of what Anna was talking about and put his hand up. "Didn't the rocket split into several different bits as the fuel was used up?"
"That's right Mr. Lupin. Five points to Ravenclaw." Anna turned to the blackboard and, using her wand, revealed their homework. "Please make a note of this. I want two feet for next week's lesson."
Harry quickly wrote down the homework, noticing that Hermione was still writing down notes from the moon landing discussion that had finished a few minutes earlier. "I'll tell you all about it later, Hermione."
Hermione smiled gratefully at Harry and copied down the homework. Harry watched his teacher as she moved round to collect the textbooks she had distributed to the class. As she neared Harry's desk, several of the books slipped out of her hand, and Harry immediately bent down to collect them off the floor. At the same time, Anna bent down as well, causing her robes to shift slightly. Harry looked up as he went to pass the books to her, meeting her amber eyes. As Harry tore his gaze away from Anna's unusual eye color, something on her neck caused Harry to gasp out loud.
Anna noticed that Harry had gone pale. "Please remain after class, Mr. Lupin. Everyone else is dismissed."
Anna waited before everyone had left before turning to Harry. "I know that my eye color can be a little disturbing to some people, but I can promise you that I'm not a werewolf."
"I didn't think you were, Professor," Harry replied.
"Then why did you react as you did?" Anna questioned Harry.
"I had a sharp pain as I bent over," Harry lied.
Anna was now all concern, even though she believed Harry to be lying. "Please report to Madam Pomfrey."
"Yes, Professor." Harry picked up his books and left the room to find Hermione waiting for him.
"What did she want?" Hermione asked.
"To tell me that she wasn't a werewolf," Harry answered, sounding a little distracted.
"Harry, what's wrong?" Hermione recognized Harry's anxious look.
"I don't know." Harry thought over what he had seen. "Is the offer of speaking to your father still open?"
Hermione nodded. "Why don't you go and see him tonight?"
Harry did not want to simply turn up unannounced. "Can you ask him if I can see him?"
"Of course I will." Hermione then looked round before placing the thin gold chain around both of their necks. Seconds later, the corridor was empty.
Later that evening
Harry knocked on Severus' door. "Come in."
Harry pushed open the door and found his professor sitting alone. "Thank you for seeing me, Professor."
"That's quite all right, Harry. What can I do for you?" Severus indicated that Harry should sit down.
"I think that Professor Jameson isn't who she says she is," Harry said, revealing his reason for needing to speak to Severus.
Severus stood up. "Let's go into my study."
Harry followed Severus into the cozy room.
"What makes you suspect that she isn't who she says she is?" Severus charmed the room as he spoke.
"Because she's got a bite on her neck," Harry told his Professor.
"And?" Severus waited for Harry to join the dots for him.
"I had a nanny called Johanna when I was younger. She used to wear contact lens because she said she didn't like her eye color. Her eyes were amber. She also had a bad bite on her neck that a cat gave her. Professor Jameson has the same color eyes and a bite in the same place," Harry explained.
Severus could not see why Harry was so bothered. "It might just be a coincidence. Why are you so concerned anyway?"
"Because one day Johanna just disappeared into thin air. Mum was really upset when she vanished. She even phoned the police to try and find her," Harry told Severus.
" For how long was she your nanny?"
Harry thought back. "Ever since the twins were born, until a few years ago. The last time I saw her was when she said goodbye after taking us on holiday."
"Did she know that you were a wizard?"
"No, she was a Muggle."
"So you think that this Johanna masqueraded as a Muggle for what, nine years, and that she's now hiding as Professor Jameson?" Severus sounded a little sarcastic as he asked the question. Harry didn't respond as Severus continued. "If, as you claim, she is Professor Jameson, then why didn't she make herself known to you when she found out that you were a wizard?"
Harry realized how ridiculous his supposition had been. "I'm being stupid, aren't I?"
"I think you're looking for something that isn't there," Severus said gently to Harry. "You lost someone you'd been close to for all those years, and when you saw some similarities in Professor Jameson, you immediately jumped to the wrong conclusion."
Harry stood up, looking a little embarrassed. "I'm sorry to have bothered you, Sir."
Severus also stood. "Harry, why didn't you go to your father about this?"
Harry sighed. "We're still not speaking. We were supposed to have gotten together last Saturday but Dad had to go a teachers' meeting instead."
"Is that the only reason why?" Severus prodded.
"No, Sir. I still don't trust him," Harry admitted.
Severus placed a hand on Harry's shoulder. "Harry, you can always come to me, even after you sort things out with your father."
Harry felt relieved that he had an adult he could trust to whom he could turn. "Thanks, Professor."
"I suggest you get back to your tower now. I imagine you have quite a lot of homework." Severus opened the door.
Harry smiled. "I do. A lot more than I imagined I would."
"Is Hermione coping okay?" Severus asked, knowing that his daughter would never admit if she was struggling.
"Yes, Sir; she seems to be enjoying it." Harry thought his friend was actually reveling in the high volume of work that had already been piled on the two of them in the space of a few days.
"Good." Severus dismissed Harry and closed his door.
11 September 1993
Harry yawned as he finished his DADA homework. Despite the fact that his dad was the teacher, he found himself being treated no differently than the other students, for which he was grateful. Checking the time, Harry realized that he was due to meet with Remus in a couple of minutes.
Grimacing, Harry got to his feet and called out to Dudley. "I'm going to go and see Dad."
"See you later then." Dudley waved. Harry had explained that he wanted to speak to their father about the Dementors.
Harry was soon standing in front of his dad's office. Before he had a chance to knock, the door opened and he found himself face to face with Remus, who said, "I thought I heard footsteps." Remus then stepped aside to allow Harry entrance. "I've got us some butterbeers and some snacks from the kitchen."
Harry took a butterbeer from the tray and sat down. He had to admit that he felt very uncomfortable.
Remus sat opposite Harry. "Harry, look at me."
Harry looked up.
"I know that this must be difficult. I never meant for you to find out that things were so bad in the way that you did," Remus began tentatively. "I don't really know what you want to hear. Is there is anything you want to ask me? Anything you want me to tell you?"
Harry's first instinct was to lash out at Remus; to scream at him for what he had done to their family; to tell him that he hated him; to tell him that he didn't want to ask Remus anything. After a long silence, however, Harry finally answered Remus, his voice barely audible. "Will you answer me honestly?"
"As honestly as I can," Remus promised.
"Do you still love us?" Harry knew how childlike he sounded; he was unable to help it, despite what Remus had done, Harry still needed Remus' reassurance that he cared about him.
"Harry, you, Dudley and the girls are my children, and I will always be here for you all. No matter what happens between your mum and me, or you or me for that matter, I will always love you unconditionally."
Remus' fervent tone comforted Harry.
"What about Mum? Do you still love her?" Harry asked, a little afraid of the answer.
"I'm sorry, but no I don't." Remus decided not to reveal that he had never loved her.
Upset by his dad's response, Harry then asked about his mum's feelings. "Does she still love you?"
"I don't know. I doubt it after what I've done to her," Remus responded.
"Why did you do it?" Harry asked the question he had wanted to know the answer to all along.
Remus hesitated for a moment before answering. "Truthfully, I've been like this most of my life, even before I met your mother."
"Does it have anything to do with your being a werewolf?" Harry wondered if Remus would pin the blame on his affliction.
"A little. When the full moon comes closer it gets more difficult to resist the temptation of seeking female company." Remus took a mouthful of his butterbeer, grimacing slightly at the taste. "But the full moon is no excuse; I've strayed at other times of the month."
"Why didn't you just, um, you know with Mum?" Harry's face burned bright red as he asked the question.
Remus had hoped that Harry wouldn't ask him that. He could hardly tell his son that his mother was frigid and unadventurous in bed, and so he settled for a diplomatic answer. "Because my appetites are different from those of your mother's."
Harry said nothing for a while, as he thought of what to ask next. "Are all men like you?"
Remus shook his head. "Definitely not. Just because I've done what I've have, doesn't mean that all men are that way."
Harry said nothing and refused to meet Remus' gaze. "Harry, what's wrong?"
Harry still said nothing.
"Are you afraid that you'll grow up to be like me?" Remus asked gently, after correctly deducing that Harry's question had something to do with his silence.
Harry just nodded.
"Why?" Remus asked.
Harry gulped and owned up to what he had done. "I kissed Hermione when I stayed with her during the holidays."
Remus failed to immediately catch on to what Harry was worried about. "So?"
"She's engaged to someone else," Harry pointed out.
"Harry, you only kissed her, and besides you're both only thirteen. Hermione's engagement is going to be a long one, and one that might not last. What I did was a lot worse," Remus said truthfully to his son. "I was married and I not only treated your mother badly, but I've dragged all of you into my mess as well."
"But I kissed her again, even though I knew I shouldn't have," Harry admitted, wanting to be totally honest.
"What did Hermione do?" Remus asked.
"She told me she liked me but then suggested that we might be better off as friends," Harry replied, unwittingly revealing by his tone that he was not very happy about it.
"Have you done anything since then?" Remus enquired.
"No, of course not," Harry protested.
"Then you aren't like me," Remus tried to convince Harry.
"But I want to do it again, even though I know I shouldn't." Harry looked miserable as he spoke.
Remus decided to be brutally honest with Harry. He wanted to try to get his son to realize that a few kisses did not make you an adulterer. "Harry, if I really want a woman, I will continue to pursue her until I get her, despite her objections."
"You mean that you'd make a woman sleep with you?" Harry sounded disgusted.
"I would never, ever force myself upon a woman. Only a coward takes that approach." Remus tried to rephrase his previous comment. "What I actually meant is that I would pursue her, flatter her, and generally wear down her objections, not that I would force myself upon her."
"But that still doesn't make it right, does it?" Harry asked.
"No, it doesn't. I've slept with both single and married women, some of whom were faithful to their husbands until I decided that I wanted them." Remus cringed as he realized how conceited he sounded.
"But they must have wanted to, otherwise they wouldn't have done it," Harry pointed out. "Hermione said she liked me kissing her. That means I must be like you."
Remus sighed heavily. Harry still was not getting it. "Harry, you didn't force your attentions on Hermione after she said she wanted to just to be friends. If I want a woman, she becomes almost like prey. I can be pretty unrelenting if I want someone."
Harry looked hard at Remus. He knew that most of the girls in his year were already mooning over his dad, a few even going so far as to tell Harry what a 'hot' dad he had. "But I still don't really understand why you chase other women when you have Mum."
Remus didn't really want to go into the particulars of the thrill of the chase with his son. "Harry, your mum and I were never really compatible."
"Then why did you marry her?" Harry asked.
Remus was aware of how callous his response was going to sound. "Because it seemed like the right thing to do at the time."
Harry remembered Remus' earlier comments. "You said that you've always been like this. When you married Mum, were you intending to cheat on her?"
Remus answered honestly. "No, I had no intention of cheating on your mum; it just turned out that way."
Harry felt a little better at Remus' answer. "Has Mum ever cheated on you?"
"Not as far as I know."
Harry had heard the arguments between his parents about Nia's friendship with Grimstock, so he was glad that his Mum's familiarity with Grimstock was as innocent as she had claimed it to be.
Remus knew what Harry was worrying about. "Harry, your mum is a decent woman, and she deserves better than me. If she becomes more than friends with Lovegood, then I'll be happy for her."
Harry was surprised at Remus' admission. "You're not bothered?"
"Harry, even though I don't love your mum, I do care about her happiness. If she eventually decides that she wishes to remarry, then I'll support her in her decision." Remus finished off his butterbeer, wishing he had something stronger.
Remus' words sparked a realization in Harry that he had not wanted to face until now. "You're going to get a divorce, aren't you?"
"I've already moved out of Darcy Cottage. I've told your Mum she can keep it."
"Dad?"
Remus was glad that Harry had finally gotten back to calling him 'Dad' instead of 'Sir'. "Yes, Harry?"
"Can you take enough money out of my vault to pay for the Cottage?" Harry knew that his parents had refused to take his money, but under the circumstances Harry didn't want his mum to have to struggle.
"I'll still carrying on paying for the Cottage, Harry," Remus explained. "I wouldn't leave your mum trying to make ends meet because of something that wasn't her fault."
"But I want to do it. Please?" Harry begged.
Remus knew that Nia would be unhappy about it and he therefore shook his head. "Harry, I can afford to pay for the Cottage. I don't have to pay any rent when I'm living at Hogwarts."
"But what about when the summer comes?" Harry asked.
"I'll sort something out." Remus still was uncertain as to how he would manage. Even though he was enjoying his job at Hogwarts, it didn't pay nearly as well as his Muggle position had.
Harry came up with a solution. "You can use my house in Grimmauld Square."
Remus found himself unable to speak. Despite what Remus done, Harry was still willing to help him. Turning away from Harry, Remus headed for his drinks cabinet and poured himself a Scotch to give him some time to compose himself. "Thank you, Harry."
Harry was pleased that his dad had finally agreed to take something from him, even if it had resulted out of a situation that was not exactly ideal.
Remus took a mouthful of the Scotch, shuddering slightly at the harsh but welcoming taste. "Is there anything else you want to ask me?"
Harry thought for a moment. "Are you seeing anyone else at the moment?"
"No, Harry. Most of my liaisons with women are short-lived."
"Do you think you'll ever get married again?" Harry asked hesitantly.
Remus' smile was not a happy one. "No."
Harry felt a little sad that his dad never wanted to remarry. "Why not?"
"I was in love once but she rejected me. I never really loved anyone else after her." Remus looked a little lost in the past.
"Why did she reject you?" Harry wondered who Remus was talking about.
"I let her down. Unlike your mum, she wasn't willing to forgive me time and time again, so she left me," Remus explained.
"Is she the real reason why you don't like women?" Harry enquired.
"Harry, I don't hate women." Remus laughed lightly at his son's misconception. "If a woman lets me know that she's interested, then I'm usually more than happy to share her company."
Harry thought about Remus' statement, and he wondered how many times his father had actually cheated. "Did you cheat on Mum a lot?"
Remus knew Harry wasn't going to like his answer, but he was truthful. "Yes, Harry. I did."
Harry felt angry at Remus' response, and snapped at his father, "Didn't any of them EVER say no?"
"Yes, of course, they did," Remus responded.
Harry thought for a moment before asking his next question. "Have you ever regretted sleeping with someone?"
"A few times," Remus admitted.
Harry had not expected Remus to say yes. "But why?"
"Because, not counting your mother, I hurt someone I cared about." Remus refilled his glass before turning to face Harry again.
"Who did you hurt?" Harry frowned slightly as Remus took another mouthful of the Scotch.
Remus knew he could never tell Harry about Johanna, and he therefore decided to tell him about his next biggest mistake. "Sirius - I slept with his fiancée."
Harry knew that Remus had dated Lily in school but he was unable to see how that could have hurt Sirius. "You don't mean Maman, do you?"
"No, Harry, I don't mean Lily. I slept with a girl called Eleanor whom Sirius had been engaged to since we were in school."
"What happened?" Harry was intrigued, despite his repugnance at what Remus had done.
"We went out for a few drinks while we waited for Sirius to get off work, and one thing led to another. The next thing I knew Sirius found us in bed together." Remus was still unable to remember leaving the bar with Eleanor, even now.
"What did he do?" Harry expected Remus to say that Sirius had kicked his arse.
"He told me to get out, so I did." Remus tossed off the remainder of the Scotch in his glass.
"What happened to Eleanor?"
"Sirius dumped her, and so she hung herself in her parents' backyard." Remus refilled his glass yet again.
Harry felt sick. "She killed herself because of what you did?"
"No, Harry, not because of what I did, because of what we both did." Remus swirled the Scotch around in his glass, resisting the temptation to finish it.
"How awful for Sirius." Harry felt sorry for Sirius and for what Remus had put him through.
Remus didn't tell Harry that Sirius hadn't really given a damn what had happened to Eleanor after her betrayal of him. "Yes, but it's a long time in the past. Sirius is happily married to Lily now."
"Is that why you two didn't speak to each for ages?" Harry asked, despite guessing it to be the case.
"It was," Remus admitted.
"Did you care about what happens to the women you sleep with after you dump them?" Harry asked, trying to gauge exactly what sort of a relationship Remus had with these women.
Although he felt he had already allowed his son more than enough insight into his psyche, Remus felt that he still owed Harry and so he answered honestly. "Not generally, no."
Harry winced, and Remus put his Scotch to one side; he was drinking too much anyway. "Harry, don't get me wrong. While I like and respect the women I've been with..."
"It doesn't exactly sound as if you respect them," Harry interrupted.
"You really don't believe I value women, do you?" Remus asked.
Harry twiddled his thumbs. "Um…"
Remus gave Harry a chance to say what he was really thinking. "Harry, you can be totally honest with me, even if you think I won't like what you are going to say."
Harry looked up, tears glistening in his eyes. "Honestly, no, I don't think you do respect women. I think you treat women like shit and that you never deserved someone like Mum. She's too good for you."
Harry hesitated, and Remus urged him to continue as he knew that Harry needed to get this off his chest. "And…?"
"You cheated on your own best friend. Sirius' girlfriend killed herself because you slept with her and got caught. How can you live with yourself? You're scum." By now Harry was screaming at Remus. "You're a selfish bastard who only thinks of himself and I hate you."
Harry lashed out, his anger taking him over. Remus didn't move as Harry screamed at him again and again, "I hate you! I hate you!"
Eventually Harry's anger blew itself out, and Harry collapsed into Remus' arms, sobbing loudly. Remus could hear his son's desperate chant amongst the sobbing. "I'm not like you. I'm not."
"You're not, Harry, you're not." Remus bent his own head and wept with his son, not for himself, but for what he had put Harry through.
Harry could feel Remus' body shaking as he sobbed with Harry. Harry wanted to tell him that it would be okay, but could not.
As Harry's sobs stilled, Remus wiped his own eyes and took Harry's hands in his own. "I don't expect you to forgive me for what I've done to your mother, but I would like for us to try and rebuild our relationship. I don't expect it to happen overnight, but I want you to know that when you're ready, I'll be waiting."
In spite of Remus' honesty, Harry was uncertain if he wanted to, and hiccupped softly as he tried to speak. "I don't know, Dad."
Remus felt hurt at Harry's words but knew that he had brought this upon himself. His only sliver of comfort came from the fact that Harry still had not moved. Remus gently rocked his son, not wanting to lose contact with Harry. Soon it became apparent that Harry had exhausted himself, and Remus realized that he had fallen asleep. Picking him up, Remus carried him into his own bedroom and slipped him into bed.
Going back into his sitting room, Remus gradually worked his way down the Scotch bottle before he charmed the room for silence, and then took out his self-loathing upon the room. Harry slept peacefully on, unaware of the rage and destruction being visited upon the room next door. After Remus had expended his anger, he collapsed in a heap and wept until he had no more tears to shed. Remus, as Harry had, then fell into an exhausted sleep.
The next day Harry got up early and walked into the remains of the sitting room. His dad was fast asleep in the middle of the destruction. Not knowing what else to do, Harry slipped out, leaving Remus asleep on the floor of his sitting room.
