Chapter 29 – All I Have is Eternity

It was less than a month later, and they had been going even more full tilt, as if that were possible. The Xindi ultimate weapon was on its way to Earth, and Hoshi Sato had been captured by the Reptilians.

Malcolm had taken a team in, but he had lost a man – Hawkins. Hoshi remained in captivity. The captain turned to Jay to get her back.

Jay had selected his team – Private Richards, Corporal Kelly and Private Susie Money. They had been preparing for hours. Finally, he called a halt to it and told them to get some rest before the push, which would be in the evening.

=/\=

Lili was in the galley when the doors swished open. She turned – she was in the middle of loading the sanitizer and wasn't expecting company. "Oh! Major, you startled me!"

"Oh, sorry," Jay replied. "I, uh, I know it's after hours but I kinda just realized I haven't eaten anything all day."

"Well, that won't do," she insisted. She stopped what she had been doing. "What's your pleasure?"

"Just whatever you've got leftover is fine."

"Are you in a really big rush right now?"

"No," Jay replied, "we have to get into position and Travis said it might be an hour or so."

Lili looked at him for a second. He looked tired, and a little haggard. She knew he was in his fifties, but he seemed even older somehow, as if the weight of the world were on his shoulders.

"Then allow me to make you a little something," she offered.

"Really, you don't have to."

"But I want to, Jay Hayes," she put her hands on her hips. "Now, don't worry. You'll have enough time to eat. I promise."

"But –"

"Hey, I'm Irish, don't mess with me," she joked. She grabbed a pair of medium-sized Yukon Gold potatoes from the drawer and then opened the refrigeration unit. She took out some spinach leaves, cheddar cheese and a small cut of sirloin. She got a Vidalia onion from the drawer, too. "Don't mind me," she murmured as she worked, "smoke 'em if you got 'em."

He laughed a little at that. "I could, uh; I could finish loading the sanitizer. A little payment, and then you wouldn't get out of here so late."

"Thanks. That's really sweet of you."

"I don't think I've ever been called sweet before," Jay mused as he started to load up the big machine.

Lili looked over. "No, the teacup goes, see the handle? Down and to the left. Thank you for helping with this. It's really going above and beyond."

"And so are you. What the hell are you making?"

"Just, be patient." She chopped the onion first and then started up the indoor grill and put the steak on it, and then roughly quartered the potatoes and placed them into the microwave. While those were cooking, she placed the spinach into a little heated bath and then added the chopped onion. Once she was satisfied that the spinach and onion mixture was cooked, she added shredded cheddar and mixed it all together, and then ran it in the microwave for a moment. The potatoes were then placed onto the grill to finish cooking.

"It smells really good in here."

"Well, thanks, Major." She took the steak off the grill and put it onto a plate, and then added the spinach-onion-cheddar cheese mixture. Finally, she added the potatoes. "Coffee?"

"Uh, yeah, that's probably a good idea. I bet I look as beat and worried as I feel."

"You'll get her back. I got faith in you." She looked him in the eye when she said that.

"Thank you," he finally muttered, after a short silence. He took the plate from her and she went to get him silverware. "How did you, uh, how did you know I like my steak rare?"

"I pay attention." She handed him a fork and a knife and then turned to put on the coffee.

"Well, yeah, I get that it's your job. But I didn't expect you to have it memorized. I mean, it's not just the steak. This is exactly how I like potatoes. And this is the side I would have picked." He started to eat.

She was over at the replicator in order to make him a little sugar for his coffee. "Hey, it's preset."

"'Scuse me?"

"The replicator. I'm out of real sugar so I'm making you some – that's one of the few things that the replicator can do easily. But I haven't used it since, oh, man, since we met the other NX-01."

"That was, uh, it was odd," he agreed as he ate.

"Definitely. I still can't believe any of it. It's like a dream, in a way. And for the people who paired up – and those who didn't. Man, oh, man, it's bizarre."

"I'm one of the guys who was left out," Jay admitted, "But I am guessing it was, well, I'm thinking it was some sort of a failed mission."

"No doubt. I mean, I can't see you not being chosen." The statement hung in the air for a second. "They, well, Jolene Tucker Hodgkins, she did it."

"Did what?"

"She programmed the replicator. She said it was the first thing Craig Willets ever added to the programming. I think if I take it out of wait mode, it'll make whatever that mystery thing is." She got a small plate and brought it over to the replicator. "Wanna try the mystery food?"

"Long as it isn't too garlicky or spicy. You know, I gotta be ready," he told her.

"And you can't be in danger of, you know," she chuckled a little. The items on the plate looked like carrots, but they were off-white, yellowy-greyish.

"What are these?" he asked, ignoring her other comment. She'd been too polite to tease him about not wanting to break wind during a rescue mission.

She took one and nibbled on it. "Holy cow, it's a parsnip."

"A what?"

"It's a mild root vegetable. It won't give you any gastrointestinal distress, I promise!" She put the plate down and went to replicate him his coffee.

He took one – they were made so as to look like matchstick cuts – and tentatively tasted it. "It's not bad." She handed him a mug of coffee. "Thanks. Uh, you're not joining me?"

"Well, I have eaten. But I'll have a cup of tea." She made herself a mug as he watched. When she turned, he quickly looked away. "You okay there?"

"Yeah, of course. I, uh, I want to thank you. This is; it was really unexpected. And it was nice." He scraped the last of the spinach off his plate as she drank her tea.

"Do you have time for dessert?"

"Only a little bit."

She opened up the refrigeration unit and took out a container of blueberries. "Here ya go. On the house."

He took one and ate it slowly. "You knew these are my favorite, too."

"Well, I pay attention."

"I, uh, I appreciate that." He offered her the container and she took a few for herself.

They ate in silence. "You're right," Lili agreed, "This is nice. Thank you for coming around."

He got up. "I gotta, uh, I gotta go. Ensign Sato needs me."

"I know." She looked in his eyes, which were bluish, greenish and greyish, all at the same time. On an impulse, she whispered, "C'mere."

"Hmm?" He took a step closer.

She leaned over and hugged him. She whispered in his ear, "Good luck."

"Thanks," he whispered back. He sniffed a little. She smelled a bit like steak and potatoes, a fact that made him smile a little. He pulled back. "Uh, you remember when you made me chicken soup when I was sick?"

"Sure I do. And you didn't want anyone to know."

"And you made me pay you with smiling. Well, uh," he looked both ways even though they were alone in the galley, "here's a little bonus." He smiled at her, his lopsided smile wider than she had ever seen. He showed his crooked teeth and everything.

"See ya," Lili smiled back.

"See ya."

=/\=

At his quarters, Jay quickly changed to his lighter boots in anticipation of, perhaps, a lot of running. Then he turned to his computer. "Computer, dictation mode."

=/\=

Jay Douglas Hayes's Personal Log, February thirteenth, 2154

There's trouble and Hoshi Sato's been captured. I am leading a small squad to get her back. I am not kidding myself. There is a very real possibility that this will be a one-way trip.

But there's something else. It's funny. It'll be Valentines' Day tomorrow. And I haven't thought of that for years and years and years. It was ever since I left Susan Cheshire, really, although I've had girlfriends since then. But I digress, and there isn't too much time.

What I want to say is, tomorrow is a day dedicated to, you know, all of the sweet things. And I hadn't thought of her this way before, but I do now. And that her is Chef's assistant, Lili.

So my idea is; I'm going to ask her out tomorrow. She came over and she hugged me today. She never did that before. I mean, we've talked. Sure, we've talked. I think I talk to her more than anyone when it comes to non-work-related things.

But in that moment, it was like less than a minute but I suddenly, you know, you just, suddenly, you realize something's been missing in your life all along. She, she smelled like steak and potatoes. All good things.

Tomorrow is Valentines' Day. And I will take a chance on Lili O' Day.

=/\=

"Computer, document dictation mode. I, Jay Douglas Hayes …."

=/\=

The night spilled over into the wee hours of the morning, and Jay beamed back just after Hoshi. She was rescued, but he was shot by a particle weapon in mid-transport. He was brought to Sick Bay, and Malcolm was with him when he passed.

=/\=

He found himself walking over a stone bridge, and there were green fields. It was a small crowd there to greet him – his parents, Jeremiah and Lena, came forward first. She had a watering can and he had a fishing rod. Jeremiah produced a hammer out of, seemingly, thin air. He handed the hammer to Jay.

"This is mine?"

"Yes. You're going to build, as you shed your sins and you wait for her," explained Lena.

"Her?"

"Think for a moment, son," Jeremiah prompted.

"Lili. It's all for her." Jay realized. "But I never actually asked her out."

"It doesn't matter. It is still meant to be," Lena said.

=/\=

The news was all over the ship. No one had slept, not even Lili. She found herself walking around the halls and then went to the Observation Lounge, where there was a lone figure. "I'm sorry. I'll go if I'm disturbing you," she murmured quietly.

"No, that's all right," Malcolm replied, turning. "I just, you heard?"

"Yeah, everybody did. We're all on hair triggers, it seems."

"It's funny. You have a major – oh God – a significant conflict with someone. And they about make you want to scream with frustration. And then they, they up and die on you." He put his head in his hands. "We are going in. And it won't be long. I cannot linger."

"Understood. Look, I had a feeling, yanno? I can't explain why. But I did. And now the Major's gone."

"Perhaps you have a sixth sense, or some such."

"I doubt it. But I could see he was nervous, yanno? He was worried. I guess he had every right to be."

"I am worried as well. Tell me, Ensign, do you think there's a place beyond?"

"An afterlife?"

"Yes," Malcolm looked at her expectantly.

"I don't know. I hope so. I don't want to feel that, that this is it. Know what I'm saying?"

He nodded as his communicator chirped. "Right," he spoke into the device. "Reed out." He turned back to Lili. "I must go."

"Be careful," she touched his hand for a second.

He nodded and rushed out.

=/\=

In their shared room, Lili and Jennifer sat together. Jenny finally spoke, "I feel like we should be praying, or something."

"I wish I knew how. But I think – I can't describe it – I think the fellows will get it done. They won't let the Major down."

=/\=

Malcolm Reed's Personal Log, February thirteenth, 2154

For every time I battled with the Major, there was always the thought that, at some point, it would all resolve itself. And it more or less did. And now the man is gone.

I didn't really think it was right for me to be there, as he breathed his last. But I was. And in that moment, you see, you witness a final facial expression as well as a final word or two. And he was looking up very, very slightly. I like to think he was looking up at where he will be.

I asked Ensign O'Day about the afterlife. She agrees with, well, with what I have concluded – that the proverbial jury is still out. I suppose that's the best answer that anyone can give.

I am leaving now, to gather up a MACO team and get onto Degra's ship in order to stop the weapon. My will is in order – I leave everything to my sister, Madeline. And I hope that, if we fail at all, that at least the Vulcans know that we did our level best to peacefully coexist with our neighbors. We tried to make it work. I hope they don't judge us unfairly.

=/\=

Charlotte Lilienne O'Day's Personal Log, February thirteenth, 2154

I feel beyond awful. If I ever thought my position here was useless, well, now's the time, I guess.

But in some ways it isn't so useless. Major Hayes came to the galley as he hadn't eaten. And I made him everything I know he loves – loved. I just saw the worry and the concern in his eyes. He thought he wasn't coming back. And he was right; he didn't.

I hope I gave him a little comfort. I hugged him before he left. I'd never done that before; it was just an impulse. But he looked like he needed one. I know I sure as hell did. And I felt – for just a second or two – that there might even be an attraction there. I guess I'll never know.

=/\=

When Lili went to sleep that night, her dream was pitch black. She heard footsteps. "This is only a dream. It's nothing. This is nothing," she told herself.

"You're not alone," It a familiar voice. Jay's voice.

She gasped. "It's not real. You're not real. You're a ghost and there's no such thing."

"I saw my end, yeah, that part's true. But I am real, Lili. I'm as real as you are."

"You never called me that."

"I should have."

"I don't understand," she stated.

"I, Lili, you're not gonna remember this, and that's probably for the best. And I'm gonna be punished for this, big time, anyway."

"Punished?"

"It's selfish, what I'm doing."

"Why is it selfish to, to be with someone?" she asked.

"That part isn't selfish. But I'm only delaying you feeling better, and healing. If I came back in your dreams, beyond tonight, it would hold you back. As it is, it takes a few years for you to really let yourself go, and, and do what you're destined to do."

"Destined?"

"Yeah. You – I can't say much. Or it'll be even worse for me. But you'll fall in love."

"Oh, my." She paused for a second. "Look, I'm not saying I believe any of this. But is it, is it hell?"

"No," there was a small laugh, "but it's not heaven, either. At least, well, Dante only got a fraction of it right. See, it's communal. We're all here."

"All?"

"The wicked and the good, the old and the young, the rich and poor, male and female – we're all here. And there's more – it's also the animals and it's even people from the future, because time is elastic here. And it's aliens, too. It's even another side. And I know I really should not be talking about that part to you. I'll get in even more trouble."

"Trouble and punishment – do they – does someone – are you tortured, Jay?"

"No," he assured her, "and you didn't call me that too much, either. It's funny. But no, it's not torture. It's meaningful work. And I don't mind working; I'll tell you that right now. I've always been a hard worker. And I continue to work, it seems."

"What kind of work?"

"It's building, mostly. But there are also crops and gardens, animals to care for, and there are even people who sing or play instruments or make art. And there are even people who cook."

"Whew. I was beginning to wonder about that. But you said you like to work. So it's not really a punishment, right?"

"No, except it's time. And I have to get used to the fact that time is, well, it can be bent and shaped and folded upon itself. The next time I see you, you'll be on the bridge. But for me it'll feel like a few thousand years from now."

"Bridge? I don't work on the Bridge."

"No, it's a real bridge."

"Oh, so it's a bridge from here to there. But I won't live for thousands of years."

"No, you won't. But the absence will feel like that to me. But I don't care. It's, you see, it's worth it. It's worth it to be able to briefly speak with you, and to tell you what I was unable to, today. God, it was today."

"It's too late, whatever it was, right?"

"It is and it isn't," he replied, "for all I have is eternity."

There was a short silence. She groped around and finally found his hand. "I, I hugged you because, well, I think we both, we both needed it. Yanno?"

"We did. But it was also, Lili, I knew then that I wanted to be with you. It is meant to be, even though we are apart. You'll be here, but it'll take a while. And you won't remember anything of tonight. You will fall in love – not once, but twice. And you'll live a good, happy, fulfilling life. I, I just want you to know," his voice broke a bit and he whispered, "That a lot of people will be here to greet you. And I will be one of them. Because, you see, the people who greet you; they're the ones who, who love you."

She came closer and he took her in his arms. They kissed as the alarm went off and she awoke, remembering nothing.