AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Yeah, I know. The updates are slow. I wanted to assure you guys that I haven't forgotten or lost interest. I have actually been working really hard on the last act of this story, and with what time I can manage to myself, I've been hacking away at it. I have a few chapters beyond this point complete, but the closer I get to the ending, the more I may need to make adjustments or rewrite certain chapters along the way. So once I reach "The End" you'll be getting more chapters than you can handle. Thanks for being patient and as always thank you all for reading and leaving your comments!


CHAPTER 29:

"It's not being yelled at that bothers me—I'm used to that—it's the fact that her first instinct is to blame me, as if all the bad things that happen to her are always directly my fault."

Spock listened patiently as Jim spewed his disgruntled reaction to Carol's chastisement of him. They were at the officer's table in the mess hall enjoying one of the few moments they had together to share a meal. Jim had a replicated ham on rye sandwich while Spock opted for his usual Plomeek soup. The captain paused in his complaints long enough to angrily pick up half of his sandwich and take a spiteful bite. While his mouth was full, Spock saw it as an opportunity to contribute to the conversation.

"If I may point out, captain, our current situation is in fact a direct result of a linear chain of events that were initiated by your decision to remove Khan and his people from Ceti Alpha V. Or, perhaps, to take it further, your decision to leave them on the planet in the first place rather than seeking another way to bring them to justice."

"Spock, you were there. We didn't have a choice."

"Technically you had a choice, it was simply not an easy one."

Jim sighed loudly and took another bite. "Point is," he muffled with a mouth full of food, "she never gives me the benefit of the doubt."

The door suddenly opened and Khan stepped inside. Spock immediately put down his spoon, ready to rise to his feet at a moment's notice because Khan looked flushed, his movements slightly erratic as if holding back. Perhaps he was no longer as compliant as Spock was sure he had been pretending to be with Cartwright's decision to separate his people.

Jim, who had one cheek bulged with sandwich, stopped and stared at their guest. "Khawn."

"Captain," Khan said strangely, his voice seeming strained, his eyes alight. It didn't seem to be anger.

Jim attempted to speak again, but his articulation was obstructed by the food in his mouth. So, Spock took it upon himself to translate.

"I believe the captain wishes to inquire whether or not we can help you?"

Jim pointed to the Vulcan as confirmation.

Khan shook his head. "There's nothing that I need… I did not intend to disrupt your meal, but I could not wait. I intended to see the captain alone, of course…"

His gaze flickered to Spock and the Vulcan felt compelled to lift his chin with nuanced defiance.

Jim was washing down his bite of food with a sip of coffee, swiping his hands on his pants to get the crumbs off, even though there was a napkin right in front of him. "Spock's not going anywhere," he said directly, leaving no room for argument. "What's wrong? Did something happen?" He was standing, ready for any emergency that he seemed sure Khan was bringing.

Khan finally tore his eyes from Spock, a small tug at the corner of his mouth appearing with a surprisingly lack of menace or condescension. "There is no urgency beyond my own happiness, captain."

"Hap—your what?" Jim's face scrunched with bewilderment.

Even Spock, who reluctantly rose to his full stature, was caught off guard by a positive utterance from ex-tyrant.

Khan was smiling now, the lines forming on his face entirely new to Spock. "I'm going to be a father."

"No," Jim blurted. "Get outta here. No."

"I've come straight from the med bay," Khan was beaming now, his head held high with pride. He looked ready to burst. "I have no reason to doubt Dr. McCoy."

That seemed to be all the proof Jim needed. He laughed and reached out an open hand. "Congratulations! Holy shit. I never thought I would say this, congratulations, Khan!"

"Congratulations," Spock added with decidedly less enthusiasm and more out of formality.

Khan firmly took Jim's hand, but instead of shaking it, he pulled the captain against him in a close one-arm embrace. Jim grunted with surprise, seeming to freeze as Khan gave him a mighty (but not lethal) squeeze. Though it was brief, the sheer unexpectedness made it last an eternity and it crossed the Vulcan's mind the pry them apart and ensure Jim's physical and emotional security.

But Khan released him as easily as he had pulled him in, still holding Jim's hand as the other closed over it.

"I must thank you, Kirk," he said softly. "With all my heart, such as there is, you have given me more than I had ever asked and could have ever hoped for from lesser men."

Jim's mouth hung open as he gaped. "Uh… You're welcome. But Khan, you're going to be a father. I swear to God I had nothing to do with that." He laughed nervously.

Then Khan laughed to. "You're fortunate I know that's true."

"Really, though, you shouldn't be thanking me for anything. We're still in one hell of a mess. Don't you think that's my fault, too?"

Khan's head canted curiously. "Your fault? Everyone is acting as can be expected with a war on the horizon. Cartwright does as he must and so do we. Unlike him, however, you are not afraid to steer your own course if necessary. You came back for me and my people. It wasn't done under duress or to save your own life. You could have let us perish at no risk to yourself."

"Well, you said it yourself, I have a thing called a conscience…" Jim chuckled weakly.

"Conscience is a rare thing among men of war. Were it not for you, we would still be on that doomed planet. I never would have been given this opportunity to have a family of my own with the woman I love. I am indebted to you, captain, regardless of what may happen from here on."

Spock's gaze dipped to see that their hands were still clasped, all the while both men seeming to completely forget that the first officer was even present. It made something burn within the Vulcan that he could not identify.

"Again…" Khan said after a brief pause. "Thank you, Jim."

He had never heard Khan refer to the captain by his first name and Jim seemed to catch the unusual sound of it immediately. "You're welcome… Khan…" he still sounded baffled, but the softness in his tone told Spock that he had not gone untouched by this passionate display from the augment.

Finally, Khan looked to Spock again and languidly released the captain's hand. "I should thank you as well, Mr. Spock, for your efforts in assisting us."

"I follow my captain, not a desire to help you." Spock felt no remorse in the Vulcan coldness he expressed.

But Khan could not be shaken from his joy and he smirked. "Notwithstanding. You have helped us." He stepped back, regaining some distance from Kirk. "I must share the news with my crew. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Khan," Jim said politely.

Spock said nothing.

Khan exited as quickly as he came, and when the door whooshed closed behind him, Jim flopped back down in his chair laughing breathlessly.

"I did not see that one coming…"

Spock too was planting himself back into his chair and in front of his cold soup. "Was it the pregnancy that you did not expect or the exuberance of Khan?"

"Both, I guess. For a second there, I was sure he was going to crush me like a grape," Jim chuckled.

"It is indeed unexpected that Marla was able to conceive. I wish them both well." Spock meant it too, in his own way.

Jim had picked up his sandwich again, but before taking another bite, paused to squint skeptically at the Vulcan. "If that's how you feel you could have said as much to Khan while he was here."

Spock could not control the single eyebrow that arched as he looked to his soup again, his insides bristling. "I refrained under the conclusion that any further congratulations on my part would have been interpreted as disingenuous and false to Khan. Also, he did not come here to share his happiness with me."

"I know you two don't like each other, but we have a long mission ahead of us. At least try not to antagonize him…" Jim murmured just before returning to his food.

"Speaking of the mission," Spock deliberately changed the subject. The less they talked about Khan to better. "We will be launching in nine days. Perhaps it would not be wise to part with Carol Marcus on the same angry terms that divided you both all those years ago."

Jim glared at him, his brow furrowed as his jaw flapped in brooding chewing. Obviously, he was not agreeing to Spock's suggestion.

"You had only just repaired things with her. For the sake of your own emotional health, I am compelled to advise that you at least speak to her before we launch."

"My own… emotional health…" Jim repeated flatly, almost mockingly. "Because we humans are so emotionally unstable? Can't handle a little disagreement?"

Spock met his steady gaze, waited a calculated moment. "Yes."

"If anyone's emotionally unstable here, it's her. You know that right?" Jim seemed convinced. "She always has to be right, she's on this high-horse of privilege where she's just so used to getting her way and having people do as she says. It's no wonder, since she grew up with her dad admiral—" Jim stopped himself from going further. In his anger, he was liable to say something cruel that he didn't even mean.

Spock remained stoic on the outside, but he felt a whirlwind of guilt and pain for his friend. He never did seem to find peace when it came to Carol Marcus and Spock couldn't bear to let his friend leave her in anger. Not again. It nearly destroyed the captain all those years ago.

"She's…" Jim was forcing himself to keep talking, even though he couldn't even look at his friend now. "She's better than that, I know she is… She's had privilege, but she never exploited it. And I can tell she's raising David well. God Spock, he's amazing," the captain chuckled. "You're meeting him before we launch and you're not getting out of it." He finally looked to his first officer again, pointing a commanding finger at him.

"It would be my pleasure to meet your son," Spock said sincerely, holding in a smile.

Ever since Jim became a father, it changed something in him. Not enough for anyone besides perhaps Spock and McCoy to notice, but the boisterous captain lost a little of his reckless edge. He seemed to have found at least a little worth and maturity for having a child. Parenthood was a powerful thing.

Perhaps it would change Khan for the better.

Jim had finished his sandwich and was getting to his feet with a stretch. "Well, it's time for me to actually sleep. We have a busy week ahead of us and coffee only gets you so far."

Spock, who had also finished his dinner, followed Jim out of the galley and into the corridor. The Vulcan was still on duty and would be heading directly for the bridge. Jim ambled beside him, carrying himself in his usual strut, though Spock could tell his mind was racing. Khan's announcement inevitably provoked new thoughts in them both. When they came to the captain's personal quarters, Jim dropped a heavy hand on the Vulcan's shoulder.

"Goodnight, Spock…"

"Goodnight, captain."

Jim disappeared into his room and Spock continued on his way for the bridge. He hadn't gotten very far when laughter caught in his pointed ears. It was loud and just around the curved bend of the hallway in which he was headed. Frowning with curiosity, he quickened his pace to investigate.

Hanging out of a turbolift door was Nyota, her hand over her mouth as she laughed and looked to the floor where Mr. Scott was face down, rear up, also laughing. Even in that first glance, Spock deduced that they both were, in fact, completely drunk. They were both off duty, but such conduct on a starship was not acceptable.

"Commander Scott. Lieutenant Uhura." Spock said crisply, raising his voice to be heard over their immature giggling.

Scotty snorted with surprise and wobbled until he somehow rolled his way onto his feet. Nyota, meanwhile, slipped out of the turbo lift and leaned her shoulders on the wall beside it, her body bowed backward as she smiled to Spock. Both of their faces were wet with tears and red with laughter and alcohol.

Spock could not help a glance down each end of the corridor to be sure there were no other crewmen to see this embarrassing display. Over the past week, nearly 80% of the crew had been transferred off the ship, the replacement crew en route from the next starbase. So long as they were docked at Regula I, there were only about 100 crew members at any given moment, leaving the starship especially bare.

"Ahoy, Mr. Spock," Scotty gave an unidentifiable salute, his body teetering until he practically slammed into the wall next to Uhura.

They both laughed again and Nyota buried he face into Scotty's off duty jacket. There was that burning sensation in his chest again, the same one that Spock had been feeling often lately.

"Engineer Scott, I suggest you retreat to your quarters immediately to remain until you are sober," said Spock tersely.

"Oh, aye, sir…" Scotty put on a frown as if to mirror the Vulcan's seriousness. "I 'ave a very import'nt meetin' with a bottle o' scotch whiskey in m' room. I'd invite ye along, Nyota, but I'm 'fraid it's exclusive…"

"I'm no third wheel, Scotty…" she giggled and began to push him away. "Go on…"

Scotty cleared his throat and tugged at his jacket, in some failed attempt at dignity. But the way he averted his eyes from Spock, it was clear that he felt awkward. He began a zig-zagging march down the hall, and as he passed by Spock, he gave him a solemn nod, his cheeks puffing out with a contained belch. Spock knew the Scotsman would find his way to his room (eventually) and approached Uhura, who seemed merged into the wall by gravity.

"I know what you're thinking, Spock…" she eyed him beneath heavy lids. "And I can assure you, my being drunk is extremely logical."

"Intoxication is not a matter of logic," Spock commented quietly.

She could scarce be expected to walk, let alone in a straight line, so the Vulcan took it upon himself to see her safely to her room. Slipping one arm beneath her knees and another at her back, he effortlessly hoisted her up and began to carry her. Her thin arms draped around his neck, her brow against the crook of his neck.

Yes, he could feel jealousy stinging his insides to know that she was spending her time with Scotty again, even though he had encouraged her to do so in the past for some familiar human interaction. But she had been spending more and more time with the engineer of late, and Spock had been seeing less and less of her. Even when they were in the same room she might as well have been on the other side of the galaxy. And now, as he carried her in his arms, she was quiet and so far away.

There was only one logical conclusion, he knew, for why they were drifting apart. But the clear logic, no matter how heavily he relied upon it, still hurt. They 'why' in their distance from each other was him.

He reached their shared quarters and laid her gently on the bed. She watched him tiredly as he took it upon himself to remove her boots and set them neatly together on the floor beside the bed.

"Spock…" she whispered, grabbing his wrist before he could move away. "Are we still postponing?"

She hadn't forgotten that they were going to talk. About what he was not entirely certain, but it was to do with this growing estrangement. It scared him.

"To have a discussion of any sort in your intoxicated state would no doubt be futile and counterproductive while any judgments are impaired."

That was obviously not what she wanted to hear. Her lips pursed and she sighed heavily, a hand tiredly passing over her brow. "God, Spock…" her voice trembled.

"Nyota…" he spoke softly and gently took her hand from her face, both to see her better and to give it a comforting squeeze as the closest thing to emotional expression he was able to give. "It has never been my intention to hurt you. We will talk when both our minds are clear."

She sniffed, her eyes already wet, though she was quiet and looking to the ceiling now. "Okay…" she barely spoke above a whisper.

Things felt fractured. He knew she felt it as much as he did. The talk that they had been postponing was not a hopeful one. His long fingers caressed the edge of her hand, expressing love in touch instead of words before he rose from the bed.

"Can you please, just…" she spoke abruptly, drawing his attention again as she slowly sat up on one elbow. "Can you please just lie to me and tell me everything is going to be okay…?" she weakly asked the same question she had asked him before.

Humans thrived on white lies and false hopes. Brutal confrontations with reality tended to do more harm than good, Spock knew this. He was halfway to the door and lingering with conflict.

"Everything is going to be okay." He lied.