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I own nothing. All characters/storylines belong to Shonda. I'm simply 'borrowing' them.


Chapter Twenty-Nine


ARIZONA'S POV


Last night broke my heart. It truly did. Hearing Eliza say those things was hard to hear. How she compared herself to Alexis, and how she believes that she is better than her…it's just hit me harder than I expected. How could she ever think that she isn't beautiful enough? How could she ever think that Alexis and I look good together? I don't understand, but maybe that's because I just don't see it. Sure, once I saw a future with Alexis and yeah, it was actually amazing being with her…but Eliza is in my life. Eliza has my heart. I'm not sure Alexis ever truly did have it. I mean, she always said and did the right things, but sometimes that isn't enough. Being happy with what you have just sometimes isn't enough. Don't we crave that something extra? Don't we all sit and dream about what else could be if we open ourselves up fully to the possibilities surrounding us? That's exactly what I did, and I was rewarded with most beautiful and kind-hearted woman ever to walk this earth. I was rewarded with Eliza.

Like, everything could end around me right now and it wouldn't matter. I could lose everything I have and it wouldn't matter. Eliza is the only thing I need in my life. Eliza is the only woman who will ever make me feel this way. Alexis was great, and she was fun, and she's actually a really awesome person…but that is where it ends. That is where the relationship stops. Friends. All we are is friends. She knows that, and I've maintained that since the day we amicably split. If Eliza wants to know all about it, I'm happy to tell her, but I cannot and I will not sit back and allow her to think that there could ever possibly be any more to my relationship with Alexis when it simply wouldn't ever happen. If I thought for one minute that I would ever fall back in love with her, I'd tell Eliza. I'd do the right thing and tell her how I felt about my ex.

When we split I was heartbroken. I'd just had the most amazing relationship for near on two years, but it wasn't what I have with Eliza now. It wasn't settling down in her arms every night and watching crappy TV. It wasn't waking a little earlier in the morning so we could cuddle for ten minutes before we had to get to work. It wasn't hand-holding in Central Park with takeout coffees. It wasn't cute text messages and nights of hot sex. Well, it was…but a lot of the time, that's all it was. Sex. I couldn't feel the love she had for me as I came undone beneath her. She didn't whisper I love you as my body came down from its intense high. It was just sex. Sex, and the celebrity lifestyle. That is exactly what Alexis was about. The media. The paparazzi. The chasing.

Me? I hated all of that, and I still do now. I'd never subject Eliza to the torment we once faced. I'd never expect her to dress a particular way just in case we were pictured together walking down the street. That was how my old relationship was. Alexis would spend hours every morning perfecting her outfit for the camera. Her hair and makeup, professionally done every day…it just wasn't my thing. I don't suspect it ever will be either. I've been there and I've done it. The outcome? Too much pressure. Too much pressure on myself to look good and too much pressure on our relationship to be flawless. Who actually lives that way? Who has the perfect relationship? No one. Never.

I can remember one night when we'd had a disagreement in a local bar. It ended with Alexis walking off and leaving me alone at our table. Something about me being jealous of the other celebrities she was sometimes papped with. That couldn't have been further from the truth. I couldn't have cared any less. Anyway, once she had gotten outside and caught sight of a photographer, she rushed back inside and demanded I leave with her. My night wasn't over, but we had to be seen holding hands and smiling…for the camera.

Those celebrities she accused me of being jealous of? Turns out I had good reason to wonder. Turns out I had good reason to question what we were. That's when she realised she had pretty much been caught and demanded we have an open relationship. Basically, she wanted to sleep with anyone she wanted, but come home to me at night. It just wasn't happening. Why would I put myself through that torture? Honestly, it made me question whether I was ever enough for her. Good enough to be in her life. I mean, she always told me she loved me, but then she demanded to see other people. How else was that supposed to make me feel? How else was I supposed to react other than hurt? She was supposed to be my love. She was supposed to be my girl. Not mine and anyone else who wanted her. Not mine when it suited her. So, I walked away.

I walked away and I never looked back. That was when my life crumbled around me and I woke to find her name all over the papers. Her face beside someone else's. It hurt. It hurt…but I survived. It hurt but look at me now. Now, I have an amazing relationship full of love with this gorgeous woman beside me. The gorgeous woman who slept in my arms last night. The gorgeous woman I cannot get off of my mind, and I hope I'll never have to.

"Hey, what's wrong." Her sleep filled voice pulling me from my own deep thoughts, I furrow my brow and glance her way. "Arizona?"

"Nothing, why?"

"You're crying…" She whispers as she sits up on her elbow and runs her thumb across my cheek. "Are you okay?"

"I-I, I'm sorry…I didn't even realize." Giving her a sad smile, she inches a little closer to me and runs her fingers through my hair.

"Is everything okay?" She asks. "Have I upset you?"

"No." I smile. "You could never upset me, Eliza. I was just thinking and I guess I got a little emotional."

"Thinking about what?" She asks.

"Just how different my life is now. With you in it."

"And it made you cry?" She drops her gaze. "That's not a good sign, huh?"

"Good thoughts, baby. Only good thoughts were you are concerned." Pulling her down into a much-needed kiss, she smiles against my lips and my hand finds her naked back. "I want to take you out today…"

"Where?" She pulls back and gives me a look of confusion.

"Away from it all." I breathe out. "Just you and me away from everyone."

"I'd like that." She smiles. "I'd really like that."

"We aren't going too far, but it's away from all of this."

"Sounds perfect to me…" Her lips pressing against my own again, I shift beneath her a little and she comes to rest against my body. Her heart beating against my own, my eyes close and my arms wrap around her impossibly tight. I have some stuff to arrange before we leave for the day, but there is always time to hold my girlfriend. There is always time to just be with her.


"That's awesome. Thanks, Rich." Thanking my driver for his help, I lean back against the kitchen counter and rest my cell against my shoulder. "I'll take my car so you go and relax with the family. I'll call you in a few days."

"Are you sure?" He asks.

"I am." Smiling as Eliza comes into sight, she gives me a questioning look but I wave her away. "Bye, Rich." Ending the call, I set my cell down on top of the marble surface and round the counter. "You ready to head out?"

"Yeah." Pulling me into her arms, she studies my face before dropping light kisses along my jawline. "What exactly do you have planned?"

"Honestly? Not a lot." I shrug. "Just want to get away from it all for a little while." Lacing our fingers together, I grab my purse and my cell and head for the front door. "Come on." I smile. "Time to truly unwind."

Stepping out onto the landing, I hit the elevator call button and the doors open. With nothing but my purse in one hand, and Eliza in my other…we both step inside and head down to the lobby. We don't have any belongings with us, but we won't be needing them. I've had everything we need dropped off at our destination. Reaching the lobby, we head out onto the street and my car is waiting for me. "Winner," Eliza smirks.

"Oh, I think I'm the true winner in all of this." I counter. "After you…" Holding the door open for her, she slips inside and runs her hands over the leather interior. Rounding the front, I slip into the driver seat and fire up the Ferrari. "You good to go?"

"Definitely." She nods. Screeching away from the sidewalk, we weave through the streets of New York and head for a more scenic route. "Where exactly are we headed?"

"Just…somewhere peaceful." I smile. "Did you need to grab anything from your old apartment before we head out of here?"

"No. Nothing there that I need." She shrugs. "You look really beautiful today, Arizona." Glancing her way, I give her a smile and she doesn't take her eyes off of me.

"Thank you." Her eyes diverting to the changing landscape around us, she rests her head back against the seat and simply smiles. I know she prefers the quiet life, so that is exactly what I'm about to give her. The peace. The serenity. The time to clear her head.

Hitting speed as we head off down to my old place, I think about the next few days and what they are likely to hold. I know the Alexis saga is anything but over, but I just want Eliza to talk to me. If it's on her mind, I'm always going to be there to listen and reassure her. She knows this, I've told her enough times…I just don't want her to think that she is bugging me with it all. That really wouldn't be the case at all.

Thirty minutes later and my tires hit gravel. The gasp that leaves my girlfriends mouth tells me she likes what she sees and it settles me a little. "What is this place?" Looking out over the lake I'm now parked at, her eyes focus on the cabin in front of us and she smiles. "This place is beautiful, Arizona."

"Yeah, it's why I kept it." I shrug and cut the engine. "Wanna head inside?"

"Honestly, I can't decide between the lake and the cabin." She shakes her head in amazement. "You are just full of surprises, aren't you?"

"It's my old home." I smile as I open my door. Rounding the back of my car, I open the passenger side and she steps out...my hand waiting for her own. The car bleeping and assuring me that it is locked, we move towards the crystal clear water and she wraps her arms around my waist from behind. "I figured you might like to come here to get away from my life in the city. It's just a suggestion."

"I don't have a problem with your life, Arizona." Placing a kiss on my shoulder, a crisp light breeze causes me to shudder. "I'm okay with everything you are…"

"Yeah, I just think that sometimes it becomes a little too much for you," I admit. "Hell, it's too much for me at times."

"Yeah, I get that." She nods.

"Come on, I'll get the fire pit going and we can sit outside for a little while." Her arms removed from around me, I quickly realize that she was the only thing keeping me warm. Heading up the few steps separating us from the front door, I take out my old key and slip it in the lock. A familiar smell hitting me as I push the door open, I step inside and pull Eliza in behind me. "It's is your place whenever you need it, okay?"

"It's beautiful." She breathes out. "I love it."

"There are things I have to say to you, Eliza, and I wanted this to be the place we talk about it. It's the only place that kept me sane almost two years ago."

"Okay…" She nods.

"Let's get some stuff sorted here first and then we can talk all night long."


Wrapped up in a blanket, Eliza sits facing me at one end of the couch, her legs tucked beneath her. The fire roaring to the side of us, I've opened up a bottle of red and it's warming nicely on the coffee table. It's been a pleasant first few hours here, but I know Eliza is a little on edge. Earlier I told her I wanted to talk, and since then, I've noticed the look of concentration on her face. I know she is trying to figure out what I want to say, but it really isn't anything bad on her part. I just want to let her in on my life a little more. I want her to understand that I'm not some controlling sex obsessed businesswoman who needs the hot and popular girl on my arm. That really isn't me. It has never been.

"Hey, you okay?" Watching her stare into the flames, she gives me a small smile and nods. "Eliza, I don't have anything bad to say…so just relax." Placing my hand on her knee, she turns to face me and breathes a sigh of relief. "I just wanted to talk to you."

"Okay, but what about?"

"Alexis. My relationship with her." I state. "If you'll listen?"

"Of course, I'll listen." She agrees.

"I just…I cannot ever allow you to think that Alexis is better than you, Eliza. That's so far from the truth and you are both totally different people. Don't ever compare yourself to anybody else…"

"I'm sorry, I didn't like seeing the way she was with you, is all. You also can't deny the fact that she is gorgeous." She shrugs.

"Yeah, she is gorgeous…and she knows it, too. She knows exactly how women stare at her and undress her with their eyes. She also takes advantage of that." I laugh. "Two years ago when we split, I found that out all too well."

"I don't follow…"

"She always wanted to be able to pick and choose between who she was sleeping with. She always wanted to be out with her arms around someone else, but have me ready and waiting for her." I sigh. "I'm generally not stupid when it comes to love and how people can try to hurt you, but will her…I was. She would always accuse me of being jealous to get a rise out of me. She would always drag me around the stores so people could see me with her. Which I didn't mind. I didn't mind it at all until it became too much. I didn't want to be all over the media. I just wanted a quiet successful life. I know it doesn't work that way when I'm earning what I earn and I do what I do, but still...it was always set up." Clearing my throat, she shifts a little closer to me. "Anyway, none of that is important. When she came to me with the suggestion of sleeping with other people, I hit the roof. I mean, who wouldn't?"

"Yeah, I get that." Eliza gives me a sad smile and takes my hand in her own.

"I told her no. I told her that it was me or them. She chose me. She said she wanted me. I was so relieved that everything was going to be okay, but I guess in the back of my mind, I always knew I could no longer trust her. If she was asking me to allow her to sleep around, it meant that she was looking at other women. It meant she had thought about it during some point of our relationship. We grew apart a little, and I decided to call it a day. You know, focus on my work and just enjoy the private life. So I came here. This was my home. My place. My sanctuary."

"It's definitely a peaceful place." She smiles as she glances around and takes in the surroundings.

"You don't ever have to worry about me going back to her, Eliza. There is no way I'd ever do that to you…or myself. You know the day after we split?" She gives me a slight nod. "I woke up to find her picture everywhere with one of our makeup artists on her arm. They'd been sleeping together on and off for a few months."

"I'm so sorry, Arizona."

"I'm not." I shrug. "I mean, I was at the time. But as I sat here night after night with nothing but my own thoughts…I realized I'd done the right thing by walking away. I realized that it was only a matter of time before I caught them at it and that would have only killed me inside. Walking away was the right thing to do. I always knew it would be, and that's why I didn't find the decision hard to make. So, yeah…she is beautiful and she is smart and sexy, but she is untrustworthy. She is a cheat. She is everything I don't want in my life."

"How did you stay friends with her?"

"Honestly, I did still see her as a friend. I still do now. When it all came out that she had been sleeping around, she called me and she apologized. I was grateful for that." It's the truth. Knowing that she was sorry meant a lot to me at the time. "I don't like to have enemies, Eliza. It's just not me. It was good while it lasted, but I made the decision to end it, and that was that."

"You're a better woman than me, Arizona." She shakes her head and lifts my arm, her body coming to rest against my own. Her head against my chest. "I don't think I could have done what you did."

"None of it matters anymore." I sigh. "I haven't thought about her in probably a year."

"You know I trust you, right?"

"I do." Running my fingers through her hair, she glances up and her eyes find mine. "I understand why you were worried, though. Seeing those pictures online can't have been nice for you."

"Still, I shouldn't have gone looking for them. It only made me feel worse. I just…I had to know what I was dealing with. I even asked Jo." She laughs. "She reassured me, mostly."

"Why would Jo know?" I ask.

"Because my best friend is obsessed with you and everything you do. Including women." I deadpan.

"Have you arranged for her to come and stay yet?"

"No, I was planning on inviting her down whilst you are in Cuba. If she can take time from work."

"You're really not going to come with me, are you?" The disappointment evident in my voice, she turns a little more to face me better.

"No, Arizona." She gives me a sad smile and it makes my heart hurt. "I really don't need to be there, and I really don't want to be there, either. You should go, though. This is your job. Your expertise. Just…make it look awesome and then come home to me."

"See what Jo can do first. If she is able to come stay, I'll be a little more satisfied with going. If not, I'm calling it off."

"Please don't do that. I don't want to be the needy and worried girlfriend who make you stay home all the time. I want us to be okay with the possibility of a few days apart."

"I know you do." I agree. "Just…I need a few days to decide if I really want to do this."

"You've worked with her before since you guys split, right?"

"Yeah." I nod. "Probably four or five times, I think."

"So, this time won't be any different. You are only struggling with it because I was pissed about her. If I wasn't here, you'd be signing up to that work in no time. Just…go and be awesome, okay?"

"Okay…" I breathe out.

"What time do we have to leave here?" She asks, a little saddened by the idea.

"We don't." I shrug. "Figured we'd stay a night or two? Longer if you'd rather. I'm not picky."

"Yeah? We are staying here?" Her eyes widening and her smile growing, I simply nod and pull her up my body a little.

"The cupboards are stocked. We have everything we need here."

"We don't have any clothes…" She furrows her brow.

"Except we do. I had Rich pick up the newest fall range from a few stores for you, and I come here now and again so I have plenty of clothes here."

"God, you amaze me more and more every day." Her lips finding my own, I smile into our kiss and allow her energy to pulse through my entire body. Everything about Eliza makes me feel alive, and I know that no matter what…we will always end the day like this. In each other's arms and loving each other like we are going to lose it all one day.

"I know that you will always be the woman for me, Eliza." Tightening my grip around her body, she watches the flames dance in front of us. "It doesn't matter who comes into my life. It doesn't matter what our situation is. You will always be the one for me."

"I love you." She sighs. Her fingers toying with the skin beneath my sweater.

"I know you do, and I love you." My head resting back against the couch, my eyes close and sleep begins to take over my body. It's only a little after five, but a nap with Eliza is always a good idea. Fixing her blanket around her a little better, the warmth spreads through my body and I'm not sure I've ever felt so calm and stress-free in my entire life.

She makes me feel this way. She makes me feel like I'm the only woman in the world… Eliza, only EVER Eliza.


Thanks for reading, guys. I appreciate all of your reviews for the past few chapters. You are all awesome.