Chapter Twenty-Nine: The Luminous, the Dark

A/N: …hi guys! I appreciate all of the reviews. I am going to hug you now over the interwebs. Ready? …ahhh… I could say that I haven't been writing because I moved, then I had my birthday, then I got busy with work, but the honest truth is that I was too busy playing Rune Factory 4. …sorry. My 3ds is sitting next to me now on the desk, blinking at me knowingly. I can't even shut it off all the way. BUT! In between times I did manage to get my hands on a wonderful romance novel called When it Rains by Lisa De Jong. I read it cover to cover then sat down to write. It's so real, and vivid, and it made me cry so hard, but in a good way (while also super sad). It has a good ending though! (Plus it's only 99 cents in the US for a kindle version on Amazon, that's nothing!) J Anyway, that's enough updating on me for now, since I'm sure that's not the updates you wanted to read about when you opened your emails today. Oh, and before I forget, this chapter's song is… um… "Nocturne in A Minor" by Chad Lawson.

Quick vocabulary lesson: 'hemolymph' is that stuff that invertebrates like spiders and crabs have because they have an open circulatory system. LEARNING!

Lixue knew that Sesshomaru wanted to see her, but she also knew that his pride would keep him from approaching her today, especially with his servants' eyes watching wide for any signs of action between the two of them. She skirted around the edge of the castle grounds, her intensifying instincts goading her into being elusive and a little aggressive. How she managed to do it simultaneously would be a question for her instincts, the very same instincts who were also managing to contradictorily desire to know where Sesshomaru was for the express reason of avoiding him.

After her bath with Rin, she felt the familiar twinge of aimless irritation at the base of her spine – it curled in her gut and growled at her brain. It meant but one thing – when the sun set, she would be completely, one hundred percent in heat. She would lose her rationale, opting instead to flounce about in her fur, gnawing on the suitors who mistakenly believed her desirous of their advances. It was always a bloody blur at best in the next morning, tufts of their fur and the occasional missing fang the only real testament to what she had been up to. It was uncomfortable to know that there might be a time when she woke up with her teeth intact and her liberty… not so much.

She growled between her teeth at a guard as she passed him, who then wisely stepped from her path. Perhaps she should not remain around so many bodies, warm, meaty things that pressed her senses from every direction. How could Sesshomaru stand it? How did she stand it? It was so obviously suffocating. Her only option was to leave for a little breathing room.

She stood on the edge of the battlements, glaring at the shrinking shadows cast by the rising sun. A whole day of this nonsense coming her way, with more nonsense sure to find its way to her. (Shadows – the very idea! What was next, wind?!)

A small gust fluttered her hem and she scowled darkly.

A moment of sanity returned to her, and she shook her head, stepping away from the only separator between herself and the freedom outside of the castle. Sesshomaru was irritated enough when she left last time – this time, she didn't even have a good excuse. 'There were people in the castle' – please.

She snorted and passed the guard again without as much as a glance to warrant the wide berth he gave her. Ignoring the idea that her mood might swing into the negatives again, she went in search of Sesshomaru before her mind went completely primal and would only classify things into those three categories: Food, Fight, or Fuck. If she could keep control of herself, she could keep him out of all three.

Unfortunately, she had not quite mastered that yet, but tonight would be the night she would do it. Just you watch.

Wistfulness crept behind the tigress as she navigated the castle's halls, barely needing her ears or her nose. She knew where he'd be this time of day, knowledge bred by familiarity; she wound her way to the library, tracing her claws lightly on the worn edges of the wood, wondering when it was exactly that she had changed. It was no longer a question if she had or not.

Xing Lixue, the Silver Fang, mere decades prior a swathe of destruction and fire-borne terror. She was no less terrifying, but her hair trigger seemed now to be a slow-burning fuse. Was it the result of years of Adisa fluttering about her ears like a gnat, whispering irritating snippets of wisdom? Perhaps the presence of the waifish, dreaming Rin had tempered her. Maybe it was the idea of playing diplomat, her father's blood showing its face. Perhaps it was that insidious brew of magnolia flowers that Sesshomaru thought he could play off as harmless.

She shook her head, dismissive. No, none of those things.

Maybe… maybe she was just tired. Even the hottest of wildfires burns out when the forest is gone. Being here with Sesshomaru… it was an odd kind of peace. She was content to watch the clouds with Rin, tatters of white she had dismissed as useless in her youth. Her words were spoken without fangs. Her haiku, while still adorned with splatters of ink and jotted ideas for military strategy, were written with a slow thoughtfulness. Sesshomaru watched for her in the evenings, and that small tension next to his mouth when he'd see her had become more pronounced; a tell, perhaps, or the beginnings of a smile. He had even begun to show it when she would outright sass him, almost invariably before he would verbally outmaneuver her. He was frustrating.

But he never hurt her.

She pursed her lips as she came to the top of the stairs, his absence not unnoticed. She itched her nose with the back of her hand, wondering if she had time to track him down and second-guessing the wisdom of doing so. Did she really want to be that close to him, the man who in one breath has a fiancée and the next gives her a room of crystal flowers? Who dismissed her then kissed her after she entered his home on the arm of his enemy, smelling of his force? …A man who, in the wake of night terrors, stayed up with her, holding her close as she cried in her sleep?

She lifted the silver lily from its place in her hanfu. He had crafted it for her from a wild vein of silver with nothing but his claws, a boy's concentration, and had kept it with him in her absence for more than two hundred years. In that time, she had grown, lost her father, and leveled an entire section of the continent, somehow completely forgetting him before she ever took the throne. The magnolias had brought some of them back, but for every memory recovered, dozens more remained elusive. Even though she still forgot things, important things, he was patient. He gave her lilies, and took away her nightmares, curling around her in the comfort of the dark.

Is it possible…?

She scrutinized the artificial flower again, only the slightest hint of tarnish in its deepest recesses. It shone dully in the light from the window, and she stared at its face for the millionth time, wanting it to speak to her, to tell her its secrets, sing to her in words she didn't know about things she had forgotten in a tune she barely remembered.

But like every time she looked to it for answers, the flower did not respond.

Her gaze slipped from the flower to the window beyond, and she scowled, any mood for contemplation gone. The ape demon leered at her from the edge of the courtyard, perched in the reaches of the trees on the outside of the wall. The guards had noticed him, but the ape ignored them, idly itching his stomach with incredibly long fingers and staring at her with that hard, unblinking stare. He had followed her from Minami's place, and who knows how long he'd been out of sight, watching her even as she had slept in the tree.

They're getting bolder. Soon, they will ignore the walls completely. She tucked the flower away, her scowl hardening as she thought of Rin. If they were to get inside… it seemed as though her time was up. She rubbed down the back of her neck, her hairs standing on end from the intense gaze of the ape – honestly, every other time she turned around, some damn monkey was staring at her – and turned from the window, choking down her increasing urge to shift.

Rin waited for her, the early hour of sunset upon them; along with the dark came her bedtime. Lixue bit her tongue to focus through the goodnight, tucking the girl in, and telling her to behave the next day – I'll be back in time for dinner – closing Rin's door with shaking hands. The light's rays were faint, the sun already disappearing below the horizon. She knew it had been coming, but no amount of preparedness ever actually left her feeling prepared.

Trembling with the effort of containment, the edges of her vision going blurry, she stalked to her room to strip. No sense in ruining a perfectly good hanfu with the stink of men, the stain of blood. She dropped the silk to her feet, wriggling in primal pleasure at the sensation of freedom, stripes effervescing to the surface. She breathed out, baring her teeth at the first signs of starlight.

She partially shifted, her mouth crowded with fangs and her posture slumping forward – she lifted herself to her window, crouching and pricking her ears forward. She didn't need her senses to tell her how many demons had been drawn by her scent – her aura – desiring her body, her power, some drawn despite their mates and others there to prevent their own mates from straying. She breathed in, shaky, anticipation for battle, involuntary excitement, some stray thought of the dog demon, then… let go.

She landed fully shifted, a smooth motion of swirling fire, using her momentum to spring forward into a sprint. She snarled as she met the first, her sheer size doing plenty to bowl him out of her way. She did not pause, settling into the pattern of motion, drawing out the serious contenders in her first test: that of endurance.

The moon climbed as she ran along the coast, enjoying herself despite the circumstances. There wasn't quite anything like running with the moonlight shining on her coat, her blue fire blaze drawing the stupid and the bold alike and burning them both. Her fire climbed higher as her heat grew, spreading down her spine, her ribs, her legs, nearly encasing her in shifting, wild light.

She thundered. Her first test had peeled away the cowardly and weak, but she heard the footfalls and squeals of pursuit behind her. She slowed to a lope, breaking away from the view of the sea in favor of the valley. Demons fanned out behind her, their forced proximity released. She slowed further, trotting in a lazy circle, herding them into each other.

It had the desired effect. Snaps and snarls broke out in brief, violent scuffles, their concentration focused on each other now that she was no longer threatening to leave them behind. The tigress breathed in the stink of pain, drinking in the violence with the scarlet of her eyes, her vague lunacy sharpened by the heat, the moon, the blood. She rumbled in appreciation, gladiators gutting each other for her entertainment, her favor.

She cast her eye over the hopeful, yawning and dragging her tongue across her whiskers as they fought. Her second test had culled most of the remainder, some turning tail and running without even having blooded their fangs. She didn't blame them; some very impressive males had garnered a minute amount of interest from the tigress. She relaxed into her low-slung saunter, tail curling prettily at the end. Her pleasure buried itself behind a snarl and snap if any dared venture too close, the salty sweetness of their injury spreading across her tongue.

The moon inched its way higher into the sky, the tigress watching, pacing, and any that ignored her rules met her fangs instead. She stripped a salamander of his skin, her fire roasting him dry – a tasty treat, and a hefty warning to play her game.

She rolled onto her back, stretching against the dry grass. Had she been in a chaotic heat instead, she would have allowed it to catch, breathing in the smoke and catching demon and human alike in her fire. Tonight, however, the feline was content to allow the chaos to center around her. Scores of the defeated and the curious gathered at the edges of her vision, watching and waiting.

She gave a languid yawn, rolling lazily onto her side once more to gaze on her would-be champions. She counted three – a cobra, electricity sparking between his fangs, lithe and strong; some sort of lobster, smaller in stature, but sending shockwaves of sound tearing through the ground with every snap of his claws; a mink, the largest, who was not using his strength but rather his agility to keep his foes imbalanced, disappearing and appearing again in puffs of gray smoke to strike. They were impressive, no doubt, but she found herself getting bored, growling in disappointment to herself as she stood.

She wandered toward the twisting mass of bodies, a single snarl from her lips enough to break them apart, panting. They watched her, the slow drip of crimson onto the drab beige of the ground ignored, each of their eyes on her and no longer on each other. She inspected them in turn, circling around them ponderously. She inspected the cobra last, his hood flaring in an impressive display, the snake's body a single, unbroken muscle. His tongue flicked out to taste her scent.

She stopped before him, ears plastering back to her skull. She bared her fangs and growled at him, swiping at his face with her paw, claws outstretched and sparking on his scales. He hissed in confusion and anger, recoiling at her aggression, hood flaring in earnest. She hissed in kind and leapt for him again, catching his body in her mouth before he shook her free and turned to slither away. She bounded to block his path, flaring a challenge once more. He feinted, first this way, then the other; she was not fooled, meeting every move.

This was her final test, and the cobra wasn't catching on. She whirled on her hind legs in impatient resentment, dashing for the mink, who tensed in readiness. She tackled him with the full force of an angry tigress, expecting him to disappear into wisps of nothingness; he leapt in the direction of her attack, lessening her impact and twirling around the mass of the cat, fangs failing to find purchase in the reams of fur about her neck. She twisted, catching him under the jaw with her claws, her strength tearing him away and tossing him through the air in a graceless arc. She pounced as he regained his footing, gripping his neck firmly between her fangs and pinning him with her bulk, fire spreading to his sleek coat. He squealed in pain and flailed as she increased her pressure on his spine, threatening to snap it if he did not get out right now – he yelped and disappeared, filling her nose with smoke, forfeiting the tigress in favor of his life.

She grimaced in irritation, turning to face the crustacean. He had shifted to his bipedal form during her test of the mink, and he stood defiantly, one hand on his hilt and the other on his hip, his belief that victory was his by virtue of being the last standing written all over his face. She lifted her lip and curved her path away from him. He was not enough.

Her dismissal, however, was ignored.

The youkai stepped in her path, indignation pouring from his aura. "I have won you, woman," he breathed – had she been the sort to be intimidated, he would have had a dangerous edge to his voice, but as it was, she found the implied threat hollow and insolent. She snorted, stepping past him with her nose in the air, fire crackling in her wake as she broke into a trot. Perhaps there would be someone worth her time in the next province.

The shift of his aura was the only warning she had, something clamping hard onto her leg as she turned. She bellowed wrathfully, swinging her body around in a tight circle to lift the demon from the ground. She ceased, twisting in the opposite direction to catch the momentum of the lobster. He gripped her flank in an unceasing vice, legs flailing as she dug her claws into his carapace, his other claw too far to be of use. She blazed brighter as she held him down, any intent of testing completely erased, her only possible use for him now beginning and ending with his death.

Her preferred method of delivering death was unfortunately not executable due to her foe's lack of a spine, so she settled for the next best thing – dismemberment. Blood poured from her hock as she grasped the crustacean's leg in her teeth, pushing his body away as she twisted it off in a spray of milky hemolymph. He cracked his claws together, a ripple of sound tearing through the earth just behind her paw, showering her with dirt. She spat out the splintered remains of his leg, moving to the back of his abdomen as he released her. He curled toward her, screeching, his inflexibility out of the water making him slightly too slow as the newly freed tigress dragged him backwards. The calefaction of Lixue's fire seared his exoskeleton, drying and curling away the layers of armor; she closed her eyes as the aroma of roasting seafood drifted to her nostrils, digging her teeth further into the soft joints of the writhing demon's armor and licking away the savory spoils.

Her eyes snapped open, snarling a warning as her instincts pushed her in a leap back from her prey, and none too soon; the sharp flash and slow burn of acid split the lobster in two, the sick-speckled light of the dog lord's whip announcing his presence. Had she failed to move, it would have found her as well instead of simply singeing her whiskers. Her meal melted from its carapace into an unappetizing mush of meat and poison on the ground, the shell bubbling softly. Her tail thrashed erratically, the basest part of her brain the only part with any voice – and it was saying, in no uncertain terms, that she'd been waiting for him all night. That it was time to figure out what to do with him.

Lixue swung her great body around in an easy motion, facing Sesshomaru fully to give him her humorless tiger smile, fire blowing in the direction of the listless breeze. He remained in his human form – but only the densest of mortals would ever mistake him for anything other than a demon, for his eyes burned brightest red in the darkest shadows on his face and his every motion bade to tell of his power. His unchecked aura crashed over her, his presence overwhelming, that of a man who never needed to show his true form to inspire true fear. The dog, he looked, staring past her form and into her soul. The tigress, she looked, seeing with clarity that he was not there to protect her.

Her spirit held pause, the first uncertainty in her long life.

She ran.

Had she been able to rationalize it, she would have known that it was fruitless to attempt to run from Sesshomaru: swift though she was, his was a speed far faster.

She skidded to a halt, swathed in her fire as Sesshomaru appeared in her way – he was not one to be stepped over – her claws reflexively unsheathing themselves from the velvet fur of her paws. She reared onto her hind legs, dancing around him and darting in another direction. He pressed even as she deflected, some part of him responding to the part of her that would only submit if he proved himself to be her equal in combat, something he couldn't do if she kept skirting around his challenge.

So he made his challenge bigger.

Guided solely by instinct, as she had been since she first leapt from the castle's window, Lixue fled and twisted in confusing patterns, met by the taiyoukai at every turn until she was no longer meeting the familiar and instead running face-first into the jaws of the true demon. She squalled in desperate fury, swiping at the pearl-fur beast as his mouth closed on her muzzle but only catching air. Her fire might have been made of paper for all the protection it offered her, Sesshomaru's clouds of miasma choking it out; her only true advantage lie in her maneuverability. She dropped to her belly, darting forward and dragging the dog's head toward his missing leg, correctly judging the others' imbalance and winning back her freedom as he fell with a grunt. It was a short-lived lift of victory she felt, the miasma scorching her nostrils and burning its way to her lungs. She bounded free of the acidic mist, rubbing her face on the ground to try and quell the fierce scalding in her eyes, her fire sputtering back to life.

She heard but could not react to his approach, only bracing herself as his weight slammed into her side, the behemoth demons entangling in a blur of fur, fire, fang, fear, fury – he convulsed as she tore her fangs across his neck, missing his jugular but earning a spray of acidic blood in her mouth. His claws hooked into her ribs, using her torque against her as he set bare her bones; she bellowed, her fire twining about her claws in ten molten whips, setting ablaze the ground at their feet even as she earned an indignant yelp from her foe. The dirt soaked through with blood and poison, the fire died out, the tiger's only ally abandoning her. She choked on the clouds of poison that only grew the longer she fought, her strength flagging after the long hours of pursuit and confrontation, her every breath only filling her lungs with pain and not enough air, her vision watery and beginning to spot.

The tigress released Sesshomaru, her sanguine-soaked body convulsing. He circled her, breathing the corruption as easily as air, tongue lolling out of his mouth and blood marring the perfect white of his coat. Waiting.

Lixue swayed on her feet, summoning her vestiges of will to step forward, Sesshomaru shadowing her movements, his snout pressing against her leg. She stopped as soon as she found the clear air, dropping to the ground with a groan and sucking in the air through her mouth greedily. He stood over her, poison no longer flowing, saliva pooling in bubbling rivulets on the grass as she rested, secure in his victory. He allowed her a few minutes of rest before nudging her neck with his nose, growling softly. Her ears flattened and she hunkered closer to the ground, an answering growl in her throat trickling into a cough.

He nudged her more insistently, gently biting the folds of fur in front of her shoulders. Her chest vibrated as she rumbled more softly, her ears flattening further, her tail thrashing and claws digging furrows into the earth. He shifted his body to align with hers, his gentle bites accompanied by the occasional lick along the base of her ears, the back of her neck, careful ministrations that eased the worst of the tension out of her body even as he stood over her.

She rested her head on her paws, ears swiveling back toward him as he rested his muzzle on her shoulders; her hips lifted of their own volition, the weight of him on her back unusual and almost frightening. He seemed to feel her hesitation, comforting her with long strokes of his tongue on her neck as his hips pressed against hers.

His entry wasn't painless, but neither did it hurt; she gripped the ground with all the force she could muster as he sheathed himself inside of her heat, a low yowl working its way from her throat, baring her teeth at the horizon and whiskers trembling. She had no time to adjust to the uncomfortable fullness that he brought, his own instinct in control. He withdrew and pushed in further, gripping her furred shoulder with his teeth to keep her in place, groaning deep in his chest as he claimed her. Theirs was no ceremony of flowers and vows, but a proving, a rough and violent bonding on the basest level of understanding – drawn in lines of power, set with trust, and forged in blood.

In her cathedral, the bells sing in blooded tones; they toll wistfully.

oOxXxOo

Lixue woke slowly from her fitful slumber, fighting the crust on her eyelids but eventually just wiping it away with the back of her hand. She rested her hands back onto the prickle of dry grass, her eyes remaining closed as she took morning inventory. She was naked. There was something laying across her chest, and her body ached all over, the skin on her ribs especially tender – it must be new – and an odd ache between her thighs. Her heart dropped into the pit of her stomach. All she remembered from the night before was telling Rin goodnight. After that, it was just like looking for a reflection in a puddle of mud – you could look all you like, but all you'll find is disappointment and dirt. Someone was breathing beside her, the slow draw of the sound sleeper.

Did she dare open her eyes?

Her composure was frayed at the best of times, but today, it was completely unraveled. She could not help but to open her eyes.

Her first thought was that the clouds were awfully stringy today. She stared at the early morning sky, trying to will herself into believing that waking up with her aches didn't mean what she thought it meant but fooling nobody, least of all herself. Besides, she knew who was beside her; she'd known before opening her eyes, knowing as she did the comforting scent of yellow lotus, fur warmed in the summer sun, no matter how laden with the thick dark of his demonic poison.

She turned her head to look at Sesshomaru, his eyes closed and his arm draped possessively across her chest. She watched him breathe, his eyebrows furrowing slightly at something in his dreaming mind. Lixue ran the back of her hand down his cheek, watching his face relax at her touch, feeling an unexplainable sadness pressing on her heart.

I said before that if it were to be anyone, it would be him. That hasn't changed. She sighed, turning her gaze skyward again, watching the sky lighten with a tired sort of contemplation.

She realized that Sesshomaru's breathing had changed, looking at him again to see his tawny eyes focused on her. They watched each other, unfamiliar territory, the entire dynamic of their relationship upheaved.

"Are you hurt?" Sesshomaru's voice held no edge, his hand lifting from its place across her chest for a hesitant moment before settling right back down.

I suppose he hasn't had to deal with this before either, she mused for a moment, her silence making his eyebrows crease.

"I'm fine," she responded, closing her eyes.

She opened them again when his arm slid off of her chest, curiously lifting her head to watch him as he stood, bits of dead leaves clinging to his clothing. He briefly looked down at her, and she realized he was waiting for her to stand as well. Deciding that now was not the time to pick fights, she stood, watching the way his eyes skirted away from her nakedness to look into the trees beyond. She couldn't help flaring her nostrils in amusement.

He approached her, pulling her against his body and wrapping the plush warmth of his mokomoko about her, eliciting a sigh of appreciation from the cat – warm body or not, it was still late autumn – before she felt a surge in his power. An orb of warm, blush-colored light enveloped them before they lifted into the air. She clutched his arm, a moment of panic overtaking her as memories of Naraku pushed their way into the foreground of her thoughts. She regained control quickly, but her reaction seemed to concern Sesshomaru, who seemed to mistake it for a fear of heights and simply held onto her more tightly. She buried her face in the unassuming familiarity of the mokomoko and concentrated on simply breathing.

They alighted on his balcony, where they stood for a moment in awkward silence before he opened the door, Lixue trailing him inside.

The room had been cleaned already, the breakfast laid out for him on his desk making her swallow hard. She didn't realize how hungry she was. He carefully withdrew his mokomoko from her grasp before opening the far door to look into the hallway.

"You should get dressed," he intoned to her.

She nodded, that pit feeling opening up in her gut again. He was acting coldly, but what did she expect? She walked through the open door, padding down the hall to her room. It's not like he'd suddenly change who he is just because he got laid, she scolded herself. Of course he's going to be cold. That's Sesshomaru.

She shut her door behind her, leaning her forehead against the wood and feeling pricks of heat behind her eyes. When she had imagined what being mated would be like… it wasn't this. It wasn't distant words, awkward hands, everything but her eyes submersed in chilled water. It was supposed to be… a desire to be together that ran deeper than a river, and a happiness like the morning sun.

Lixue breathed out, deep, slow, and opened her eyes again, her stomach gurgling at her in irritation. She pushed herself away from the door, sweeping the room for – there. A breakfast lay out for her as well, and she fell upon it, devouring it in decidedly unladylike bites, ignoring that she was doing so standing in the nude. Who was there to see?

She splashed water on her hands and face, combing her hair and putting it up, choosing a hanfu with a simple pattern in demure gold and green that reminded her of shadows on the sand. She gathered her breath and opened her door, blinking in surprise to find Sesshomaru waiting outside of it, hand lifted as though to knock. He grabbed her hand, leading the mystified tigress back down the hall to his bedchamber without a word.

What…?

Her tired mind could only form the single word in place of her questions as he closed his door behind them once again. She expected him to release her, finding herself instead pressed up against his chest as he held her close, cradling her head under his chin and his arm tucked around her waist. She didn't have the energy to be confused for long, choosing instead to just enjoy it – she wasn't often held like this. His voice rolled next to her ear.

"This Sesshomaru wants to talk to you."

"This Sesshomaru is talking to me," she sighed, earning herself a growl.

"Don't make this harder," he groused.

She pulled away from him to look at his face. He frowned at the wall as though it had spoken ill of his handwriting.

She leaned away, his grip tightening on her waist. "Can we lie down to talk then? I'm exhausted," she suggested.

"Hnn," was the only response, but he followed her to the bed nonetheless, propping himself up with pillows and settling into a familiar curl with her, her head on his chest and her body flush with his.

"Much better," she breathed. "Don't get me wrong, I need to talk about this too, but I haven't had much sleep lately." She yawned to prove her point.

He didn't respond immediately, toying with the ends of her hair while she threatened to doze off. "Lixue."

"Mm?"

"You are sure that you are unhurt?"

"Yes, Sesshomaru. I'm fine," she grumbled.

"You do not seem fine."

"I don't like waking up without remembering what happened the night before."

"You don't remember?"

"No," she sighed. "It's like I drank too much and blacked out, but without the party."

"Hnn."

"Yeah."

The morning bled into the day as he thought, the tigress dozing on his chest.

"Lixue."

No answer.

"Lixue."

She grunted at him, opening an eye blearily.

"I am your mate."

"I know."

He frowned, apparently expecting more from her. She tried again.

"I know you're m… I know you are, Sesshomaru."

"Say it," he almost demanded.

"Why?"

"You do not want to."

She couldn't help but smile at that. "You want me to just because I don't?"

"You do not desire to be my mate?" His voice was soft.

"It's not that." She closed her eyes again.

"Hnn. You still haven't said it."

"Said what?"

He glared at her.

She sighed, sitting up and stretching before turning toward him.

"Do you even want to be my mate, Sesshomaru?" She leaned against his pillows. "I know it's too late, because yes, you are my mate, but you don't act like you really want me. We should have talked about this before it happened, but we didn't," she plopped her head down on her shoulder. "That's what's wrong with me. I didn't know for sure if I wanted to be your mate, but I am anyway, because you never asked me."

He watched her, expression unreadable, as she continued.

"Deep down, I think I've always wanted to be with you – the times I can remember, anyway – but you never asked me, never gave me any real reason to believe that you wanted to share your one bond with me. There's no reason to hide this from you now, you know?" She swiped at her eyes. "I don't know if you'd understand it. You've always gotten your way. It's just… I don't have any control over myself when I'm in heat. I'm not even in my own mind. I just wake up and the decisions my body made without me are the ones I have to live with. I guess I just wanted to remember something beautiful, instead of nothing at all." she trailed away lamely, realizing how disjointed her explanation was.

He sat up, lifting her chin with his hand. She watched him, not knowing what reaction to expect.

Softly, sweetly, he pressed his lips against hers, his venom making them tingle.

"You are my mate, Lixue, and it would not be so if I did not desire it." He delivered this information with his trademark arrogance before dropping his voice into something… softer. "Is it still your wish to remember something beautiful?"

She nodded, mute. She didn't know how to respond to this particular Sesshomaru.

"Tell me what you wish of me," he commanded. "My mate will not go wanting."

She did not point out the conflict of ordering someone to tell you what to do, still attempting to muddle her mind past the kiss and the drastic change from just minutes before.

"I…" she thought. That was a good question. What did she want from him?

She breathed in, the scent of Sesshomaru filling her. The scent of her mate.

"Sesshomaru," she whispered. "I want you to love me."

Listen well sweet one, there is more to her freedom - than just letting go –

A/N: Please review!