With Big Shells and Wings

Summary: Part 2 of 5. Ludwig finds a reliable source from Iggy's ex-girlfriend, Doopliss finds a way to ambush his assailant, and Blaze puts his phase of execution into action, only for it to go horribly awry.

24 Mushrooms (Part 2)


Back in Dry Dry Desert, Doopliss was busy cutting holes inside of one of the bed sheets for eyes so the Toad could see through them. After he finished that, he walked over to the Toad and threw the black sheet over him, covering him from head-to-toe.

"Sir, why are you doing this?"

"Just a plan I've had in my mind for a while. If only Bowser were here, then maybe he'd be admiring me instead of always ignoring me and calling me Freak-in-the-Sheet. Why does no one pay attention to me?!!?"

"What?"

Doopliss sighed. "Nothing. Now put on this party hat—"

"Whuh?"

The duplighost strapped a decorative hat onto the Toad's head before taking out a blue bow.

"And this blue bowtie…and we're done!"

Doopliss stepped back from the toad and smiled widely, looking at the doppelganger that he had created. He looked exactly like himself, except for the obscure size of his head, but Doopliss figured the hyper cleft spy wouldn't notice. It was all part of his master grand plan that would help him in the long run.

"Explain to me one more time what you want me to do?"

"It's simple: Just walk outside and drift around town. While you do that, I'll be watching you from afar observing your movements to make sure you don't get into trouble. That spy outside will think that you're me when in reality, I'm you."

"…What?"

"Damn, that did not come out right. You heard of the term doppelganger?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, good. Now walk outside."

"Won't this cleft person attack me?"

"…You're probably gonna die…" whispered Doopliss.

"What?"

"Good luck!"

Doopliss shoved the Toad outside and slammed the door, observing him from the window. The Toad looked left and right before he sighed heavily and started walking down the light yellow path of the outpost, crossing a couple of buildings and a few fence posts. The hyper cleft followed the fake Doopliss closely, trying to figure out where he would go before he could ambush him. The Toad, reaching the dead-end part of the outpost, decided to take a left and walked down the secret path leading to the mystical Merlee and her tent that gave adventures tremendous power and luck. However, the Toad saw no one in the area, and grew paranoid by the second when even the Nomadimouse who always hung out in the area wasn't there either.

"Okay, I think I'm done with this game; I'm gonna go back to the motel before—"

The Toad yelped and hopped into the air holding his buttocks like it was on fire. He fell back to the ground before he even had time to react. The hyper cleft scurried over to the Toad and started stabbing him over and over and over again with the spikes on his body, inflicting massive damage upon him. The Toad tried to punch him, but once he did, he yelped again and started whining. The spikes on hyper clefts were notorious for piercing flesh with ease, no matter what kind of animal it belonged to.

"STOP POKING ME!!"

"Shut up! Now hold still while I charge myself up…"

The cleft clomped his boots backwards and rolled his eyes around before a loud pulsating whir was heard and he hopped into the air, glowing like blue fire emitting from a range. The Toad was too wounded to do anything, and with no other option, laid helpless on the ground against his foe. The hyper cleft started to shake and jumble around like a quake beginning to erupt. Suddenly, a loud zip was heard and he darted forward like a bullet exiting a pistol. The hyper cleft was going for the kill. The Toad was impaled in the torso by the large spike…or, he would've been, if it hadn't been for Doopliss. The duplighost appeared from a rooftop and fell to the ground with a giant slab of thick wood in his hands. The cleft slammed into the wood and his spike was instantly stuck inside, like gum on a shoe. The cleft started to panic and mutter swear words, but with no arms or any working limbs besides his feet, he couldn't do anything but jolt his stubby feet around. Doopliss lifted up the wood with the hyper cleft still stuck inside of it, smiling and chuckling to himself.

"Now what's a little servant of Trowzer doing spying on me in Dry Dry Desert?"

"I dunno who you're talking about!!" he retorted.

"Yeah, you're just some random cleft who tried to kill me. You got no agenda whatsoever and you just felt like poking random duplighosts, am I right?"

"Exactly!"

Doopliss huffed and began to walk away. "Well, perhaps we'll learn more after 'interrogation'. Oh, and thanks for playing as the bait, it really helped me out."

"SHUT UP!! I almost died and I got stabbed over twelve times! You have any idea how painful it is to get stabbed in the ass?!?"

"I don't think I have an ass."

"Let me ask you something: If you are a duplighost, why the (censored) didn't you just copy my DNA and walk outside of the motel looking like me instead of turning me into bait?!"

"When else am I gonna see a Toad get stabbed in the ass?"



Ludwig was busy walking inside of a financial building desperately seeking Iggy's ex-girlfriend, Skipy. Skipy was a regular koopa troopa, but she wore a light blue shell and shoes like a shady koopa normally would. The two reptiles had been dating each other for several months until Skipy decided to break away from Iggy three months before his death…and shortly before Bowser's coalition began. Ludwig knew it was a too big of a coincidence, and he had to find out what was going on.

"Elark I can handle myself. I don't need you backing me up."

"Yeah well, with the stuff that's been going on lately, Mario and your father and your uncle, I wouldn't be surprised if your uncle had someone on the inside."

"…I thought you didn't believe me?"

"I-I-I don't. But uh, we can't rule anything out right?"

"We live in a world where a giant flower attacks people by vomiting brown goop on his enemies; no, I'm not ruling anything out, especially any theories involving Trowzer."

"You seriously think there's a conspiracy going on, don't you?"

Ludwig shrugged. "I know there's something wrong with this picture."

"You sure I shouldn't come with you?"

Ludwig sighed. "C'mon let's go find him."

Ludwig and Elark began to search for Iggy's ex all over the building, walking past several fake plants and ferns resting in the corners and on top of desks. They heard a couple of telephones rings and the composer suddenly heard a faint female koopa talking in the distance. Ludwig looked over a large cubicle and saw the yellow koopa talking to someone on the cellphone, ready to leave the building.

"Yep, that's her."

"Damn, I see why Iggy was banging her."

"They did not bang each other Elark."

"So they (censored) each other?"

"Can we get back on topic?!"

"Heh heh, sorry."

Ludwig and Elark slowly followed Skipy through the back door of the building, leading to a large flight of stairs that eventually led to the roof of the area. Skipy needed to smoke a cigarette and already got in trouble a couple of times with her boss for doing it during her working hours, and right now, it was her break. As they spotted the koopa on the rooftops, she put the cigarette in-between her lips and took out a lighter, desperately attempting to get out a flame and ignite the cigarette.

"Hey Skipy."

The koopa gasped with surprise and turned around to see the koopaling with a blank expression on his face and his "chauffer" behind him. It hadn't been a while since Skipy saw Ludwig, let alone anyone in Bowser's gene pool. The last time Ludwig saw Skipy he said some colorful words to her after she broke his heart so abruptly, and drove Iggy even more insane than he originally was.

"Ludwig. What are you doing here?"

"Y'know, was in the neighborhood, wanted to see you, so I figure I might as well come by your job and pay you a visit."

"Oh, okay then. So um…how's your life treating you?"

"My brother's dead and there's a conspiracy going on in my family, but otherwise I feel good."

"Junior?"

"No, Iggy."

Skipy didn't say anything and simply looked over the ledge of the roof, out into the horizon, still trying to light up her cigarette. Ludwig folded his arms and snorted, getting suspicious by the second.

"Let me get this straight: the woman who supposedly loved my younger brother just found out her true love died."

"Yeah, so?"

"You didn't even bat an eye or blink."

"…So?"

"…Am I telling you something you already know?" he growled, taking three steps towards Skipy.

"Why would you think that?"

Ludwig sighed and rubbed his head. "You were dating my brother for nearly four years. No matter how many times my brother Roy persuaded him that you were just using him like a little pawn, no matter how many times my father told him that if he didn't break up with you, a little 'accident' will occur, and no matter how many times my sister cussed you out due to envy, you still dated and you still loved each other. Then, out of nowhere, for reasons you can't explain, you break up with him."

"Okay."

"See, the thing is Skip, you broke up with him about a month before he died…and not long before all this activity with my father began. Many people would find this a coincidence, but due to my investigative nature, and the fact I'm paranoid I don't think I can believe that."

"What are you saying Ludwig?"

"I think you knew about my brother's death a month ago. I think someone forced you to break up with my brother or else they'd do something 'terrible' to you. Overall, I think you're lying to me right now."

"Ludwig, let's face it, we never liked each other. We never did and we never will. I know you're upset about your brother but coming to my job and harassing me isn't going to make him—"

"You know my brother was gonna marry you?"

Skippy dropped her cigarette and her pupils dilated.

"What?"

"Yeah. 'Bout a week before you guys broke up, Iggy told me he was gonna propose to you. He showed me the ring and everything. He was so happy he almost cried in my arms when he hugged me. I'm sure he may have hinted it at you, maybe mentioned that he was going to share his love to you forever."

"Yes…he did say something like that…"

"So tell now what happened to my brother. Did they bribe you with money? Did they threaten you to stay away?"

"I…I need to get back to work; I'm sorry."

Ludwig grabbed Skipy's arm tightly and forced her to stay on the roof, unable to get back to the stairwell.

"We're not done here."

"Ludwig let go of me!"

"You're gonna tell me what I want to know or I swear to God, you're gonna feel my wrath and I'm gonna make sure you spend the rest of your life in turmoil and sorrow. You understand me?!"

"There's nothing left to say! I broke up because of your family okay?! I-I couldn't date anyone whose father is a criminal mastermind; it wouldn't work out! Now just leave me alone and let me get back to my job okay?!"

Skipy broke free of Ludwig's grip and stormed off into the stairwell, quickly running down the stairs away from Ludwig and Elark. Ludwig growled gutturally and sighed with frustration.

"She knows something."

"Maybe, maybe not. But if I were you, pursuing leads by harassing women at their jobs isn't something the cops would enjoy."

"You're right…you're right. Maybe we should go back to the castle and search my brother's room. Perhaps he left a clue for me to find."

"If you say so."


Back in Isle Delfino, Blaze just finished his phone call and was walking into the living room of his condo, looking at Mario, Luigi, Kooper and Geno resting on his couch.

"All right, I looked at all the information. It looks like a couple of guards who were on-duty mysteriously vanished in the past hour. They could just be slacking off but since I haven't seen anything suspicious up until now—"

"You think that Trowzer of someone allied with him did something to those guards." implied Geno.

"Exactly. Again, it could just be me being paranoid but…"

"True or not it's the only lead we got so far. Perhaps we should scope out Yoshi's Island and see if anything's amiss." said Mario.

"Great! I even got a seaplane out back so it won't take us long—"

"Wait a minute, wait…you have a seaplane?" asked Kooper.

"Yeah."

"Like an actual plane that rests on water and can land in water?"

"Yeah."

"And I'm assuming none of you guys fly, right?"

"Nope." said Mario.

"No." said Luigi.

"The Star Spirits never told us how to fly…well, fly airplanes."

Kooper stared at Blaze in an awkward moment of silence until he started squinting and his tail began to wag.

"You son of a bitch."

"What?"

"YOU'RE IN LEAGUE WITH TROWZER!!!"

"Kooper why would you even think that? He's been helping us on our journey ever since we met him!"

"A: my tail is tingling. B—"

"What does your tail 'tingling' have to do with Blaze?" asked Luigi.

"Have any of you even bothered to see Over The Hedge?!?"

"That movie with all those farm animals and coyotes?"

"That was Barnyard Luigi!"

"You mean that movie with the hyper-active squirrel Hammy?"

"Yeah, that one!!"

"Hammy's awesome." said Mario.

"Yeah, he froze time by drinking nothing but a can of soda. I know that the Star Spirit Klevar can freeze time with his magical power, but I'm fairly confident he doesn't do it by drinking a sugary beverage." said Geno.

"SHUT UP AND LET ME FINISH!!"

"OK, damn. We're sorry we like a movie character."

"In the movie Verne always said his tail tingled whenever something bad was about to happen and my tail in tingling beyond recognition right now!"

"So your tail's tingling. That does not make me a traitor."

"B: don't any of you find it a fat ass coincidence that immediately when none of us have any leads, Blaze just randomly comes over and says, 'I think I know what Trowzer's planning.' and it turns out to be valid?!"

"Well I'm sorry for trying to stop evil, Kooper. Maybe next time I'll keep my maw shut and we'll just stand around and do nothing until the world implodes and whatever's left is under the grimy fist of Trowzer."

"…Now that Kooper mentions it, some of this does sound odd." said Geno.

"Exactly! And Geno's the nerd of the group!"

"…I would prefer spiritual guidance trapped in a doll, but okay."

"I'm telling you guys I am not a traitor! I'm just trying to help out okay? Now let's get into the seaplane before we run out of time."

"Who was on the phone?"

"What?"

"Who were you talking to on your cellphone behind closed doors?"

"Y'know…a friend…"

"Friend huh?"

"Yeah."

"Is this friend Trowzer by any chance?"

"Nuh-hmm."

Everyone raised an eyebrow and stared at Blaze. "What?"

"Nuh-hmm."

"What do you mean nuh-hmm?"

"I mean nuh-hmm!"

"Who the hell says nuh-hmm?!" asked Luigi.

"I've heard uh-uh and mm-hmm and nuh-uh and uh-huh…but nuh-hmm? That's like a double negative!"

"No, double positive."

"No, it's not!"

"Blaze were you talking to Trowzer or not?" asked Mario.

"Nuh-hmm."

"Stop saying that!!"

"Yes or no Blaze?"

"Mm-uh."

"What the (censored) is that?!!? Who the (censored) says Mm-uh?!" shouted Kooper.

"Blaze just answer the damn question!! Is it 'uh-uh' or 'mm-hmm'?!" demanded Mario.

"It's mm-uh."

"Whatever, let's just go." said Luigi.

Everyone began to walk over to the door until Kooper stared at the red Yoshi, still suspicious of his behavior and inability to answer the question straight forward. He wasn't sure why but a small nerve is his brain made him open his mouth and swear at Blaze.

"BULL(CENSORED)!!"

Kooper grabbed Blaze by the throat and pinned him to the wall, keeping a firm grip on his neck and choking him, squeezing the breath out of his lungs. Blaze started grunting and gasping for air, but nothing was working and he couldn't move at all.

"What the hell are you doing?" he asked in a stained voice.

"You listen to me you son of a bitch,"

Before Kooper could finish, Blaze chucked an egg at Mario and clocked him in the head, dousing him with a steamy hot yolk. While Kooper was choking him, Blaze was surreptitiously laying an egg into his hand, which he used to attack Mario with. The loud shatter caused Kooper to momentarily turn around to see what happened. It was one of his biggest mistakes ever, because Blaze jerked his hand away and head-butted him, causing his nose to bleed almost instantly. The Yoshi quickly ran over to Luigi before he had time to react and obnoxiously slapped him across the face, almost knocking him to the floor and making the Italian plumber yelp.

"BITCH DID YOU JUST SLAP ME!!?!?"

Blaze retorted by spitting in his eyes, again.

"GENO—"

"No ya don't!!"

Blaze tackled the magical doll like a football player and both of them fell on Blaze's table, breaking the legs and collapsing the whole thing with a loud shatter. The red Yoshi started punching the doll across the cheeks with both of his hands like there was no tomorrow. That is, until he felt something straining his neck and realized that he couldn't breathe again. Luigi put the Yoshi in a chokehold and started to drag him off Geno until Blaze jerked his head backwards and hit Luigi in the face. Blaze ran away from the plumber and leaped forward, crawling under another table and getting a gun from underneath it. Kooper sprang back into action after recovering from his bloody nose and kicked Blaze in the arm, knocking the gun away just as he fired off a shot. Luckily, no one was hurt. Blaze countered Kooper and tripped him with both of his legs, sending him flat on the floor and hurting his nose yet again. Geno got up from the ground and started attacking Blaze, shooting stars from his disembodied arms like they were bullets from a machine gun, hitting him from all directions. Blaze shook his head before growling loudly and looking at Geno. He spat out his tongue and latched it onto Geno's body, quickly pulling it back in and putting the doll inside his mouth. Instead of swallowing him, he regurgitated Geno so hard that his body went flying out of a window. Geno screamed and twirled his body around until he landed several feet below into the water with a loud splash. Blaze started panting heavily to recover from his wounds when he slowly walked over to go get his house phone.

"I gotta call Trowzer."

The second Blaze picked up his phone, Mario shot a fireball at his face and he dropped the phone. Blaze jumped into the air and did his infamous ground pound move, slamming onto the ground with his rump and pinning the plumber flat on the floor. Kooper ran over and kicked Blaze in the chin, toppling him on his back. In the midst of the chaos, Luigi grabbed Blaze's phone and hurried into his bathroom, shutting the door.

"Uh—uh…"

Luigi looked at the toilet.

"TOILET!"

Luigi threw the phone into the toilet bowl.

"FLUSH!!"

Luigi flushed the toilet, spreading water all over the phone and ruining the communication device. However it was too big to fit down the hole.

"LUIGI WHAT THE (CENSORED)!!!"

"Oh yeah, big fight."

As Luigi was exiting the bathroom, Blaze kicked the door in and whacked the plumber in the face, launching his body backwards and making him bust his head on the counter of the sink. Blaze quickly locked the door and looked into the toilet, grabbing his phone and examining it. He desperately tried to activate it, but all the water screwed up the battery and the phone was inoperable.

"You assholes ruining my portable phone!!!"

Mario and Kooper busted down the door and landed on top of Blaze, the door pinning him to the ground. After that, it was all yelling and screaming and shouting and punching and noise. Luigi recovered from his wounds and got up, taking off the toilet lid and bludgeoning the Yoshi in the head with it while Mario and the door were on top of him. Kooper snatched the phone off the floor and threw it into the bathtub before he got inside and started jumping up and down on the phone like a monkey, repeatedly shouting out, "I'M CRUSHING YOUR PORTABLE PHONE!!! I'M CRUSHING YOUR PORTABLE PHONE!!!" in a taunting, mocking tone. After the phone was ruined, he went over to Blaze and started kicking him in the face. On one side, Mario was punching Blaze in the nose. On another side, Luigi was smacking a thick toilet lid against his head. On another, a koopa was kicking him in the side of his head. It was all very frustrating for Blaze, having absolutely no way to defend himself. He couldn't punch anyone; his arms and legs were buried under the broken door. He couldn't lay eggs without crushing them over his own body. And he couldn't grab any of them with his tongue because everytime he tried to, he'd get hit in the head.

"Time—"

Luigi hit him in the head.

"Time—"

Kooper kicked him in the face.

"TIME (CENSORED) OUT! TIME OUT!!!"

Everyone stopped hitting Blaze and started panting loudly, awkwardly staying perfectly still and hearing nothing but the sound of the waves faintly crashing onto the beach outside and their own raspy breaths. Blaze looked left and right slowly before he slowly took one of his arms from underneath the door.

"Time in."

His words spilled out of his mouth like a bee and he punched Kooper in the groin even faster. The koopa groaned with his mouth shut and grabbed his crotch, falling to his knees and coughing violently. Mario was about to give aid to Kooper, but Blaze kicked the door off of him and Mario was sent flying backwards. Blaze started attacking Mario yet again, kicking him in the face and chucking a pretty expensive vase at his head, almost knocking him out. Meanwhile, Kooper had finally gotten off the floor, still walking around with a throbbing crotch. Kooper snarled and grabbed Blaze by the skin on his head.

"ENOUGH!"

Blaze tried to break free, but it was useless.

"THIS ENDS NOOOOOOWW!!"

With that, Kooper proceeded to drag Blaze across the ground until he slammed his head into the wall. Not against the wall, through it. His head broke through the plaster and collided with the metal and gave Blaze a massive concussion. When Kooper pulled his head back out, he only managed to stand up for a second or two before falling backwards, unconscious. Mario and Luigi could do nothing but stare at the near-lifeless Yoshi and the aggravated koopa troopa.

"…Damn Kooper."

"Was that too much?"