A/N: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING.
If I could take it all back, I would now.
I never meant to let you all down.
And now I've got to try to turn it all around and figure out how to fix this.
I know there's a way so I promise
I'm gonna clean up the mess I made.
Maybe it's not too late.
—It's Not Too Late, Demi Lovato
-;-
#19. He had everything in the tips of his fingers; or so he thought until he get to meet her. Now, more than ever, Usui Takumi wanted nothing more but to possess that amber-eyed woman who, literally speaking, came crashing into his word like a falling star. But can a love so untimely and not destined turn into something... fateful?
-;-
Losing him was blue like I never known.
Missing him was dark grey all along.
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met.
Loving him was red.
—Red, Taylor Swift
-;-
Twenty Nine:
The days were pretty redundant, that was Misaki thought as she took multiple shots of the still unfinished fashion center of Maria.
Three days has passed ever since she's gotten out of the hospital and after that, Suzuna and Aoi—and now, Gerard, Tora, Chiyo and Maria—has been pretty adamant on making her stay on one place because she might end up getting dizzy or tripping and she might put herself in trouble. She did not like that, being treated like a walking disaster and since she'd rather jumped off the cliff than die in boredom inside the confines of her own house, she decided to pay the fashion center a visit and resume the previous hobbies she developed that just wouldn't die that easily.
And besides, she did not like staying in that house all by herself. Three days has passed and it has been exactly three days—now, four—ever since she has last seen him. And she was feeling pretty gloomy again just by thinking that she just wanted one word from him and the idiot couldn't still figure everything out!
Was I'm sorry, Misaki that hard to say?
Or was it really just his idiocy talking again? Because Misaki could swear to any God she knew that if Usui Takumi couldn't say those two words to her because of his irritating ego, she would definitely set his Business Empire and house aflame before she kicked him off to Death Valley.
The guy was just all impossible shades combined! And every time she'd be reminded of him, Misaki couldn't help but see flashes of vivid red and black—and it was blinding. The rage, she meant by that, was just blinding. It's like she wanted to punch—yes, punch—some sense into him and if she could only rush the recovery of her head, she wouldn't hesitate head butting him if she sees him again. He was like the varying shade of autumn season—beautiful and bright… but extremely confusing. Just mere thoughts of him could make her explode into complex shades that were just so hard to handle. He was like the static shade of winter—cold, dull… callous and super annoying. He just really didn't know when to say sorry, doesn't he? It's like she should always be the one to come up to him and apologize for the mistakes she didn't even do on the first place. It's like she should always be the one doing all the talking and the listening, like she should always be the one doing the understanding.
Couldn't he do the same, too? He's too complex, it almost felt like she was trying to answer a crossword puzzle and realizing there weren't any correct answers.
And to repeat what she's told him before, he was too difficult to please. And if she had made a list of things hateful about Usui Takumi, Misaki was pretty certain she could come up with as many things as possible that an entire pad of yellow paper might not be enough. And the list that states things she likes about him can be counted with just the use of the fingers on her right hand—one hand only.
Misaki sighed; this must be the behavioral change Suzuna told her when she was still back in the hospital. Her mood was like the T-Virus in Resident Evil—protean. And if she could only mutate into Nemesis right now, she'd program herself into eradicating Usui Takumi in her life so it would makes things easier.
But no, she knew she would never return to her previous self again. When she met Usui Takumi, her life just took an awful lot of drastic changes. She was introduced to newer and stronger emotions, and she didn't know that there was this kind of love that was just stronger than what she feels for Aoi and Suzuna. She didn't know she could love someone more than she loves herself, her sister and her best friend. She didn't even know that simply staring at Usui Takumi—as the JERK stared back at her before smiling that ANNOYING smile of his—could make her insides go squishy and squiggly and… warm—yes, warm. She didn't know Takumi could make her this warm and cold at the same time. He was like the changing seasons. He was so unpredictable that it just makes her head ache more—since her head's really been sort of ache-y ever since the whole accident with him and Kaon.
But she could not regret him. Not even for once had she ever thought of regretting the entire meeting with Usui Takumi. He was just so… so… him. She wanted everything about him, and she could easily figure out what to say when he's around or guess what he feels or be the there when he needs her. And all she ever wanted from him was just those two words. And yet, the IDIOT couldn't even properly guess it.
Maybe, they weren't really meant after all. Maybe everything was just wishful thinking and maybe, they were really—and indeed—just two very different people that aren't really allowed to be together and fall madly in love. It was stupid for her to continually hope Usui Takumi would ever know what she wanted because had he known what she wanted all along, it wouldn't take him three—no, four!—days to finally figure every damned thing out.
What a cruel jackass.
She deserved someone better. Yeah, she just deserved someone better than that guy who doesn't even know when to say sorry once the situation calls for it.
She winced when her hips started aching again. One thing about getting pregnant is that all your bones seemed to start feeling like glass. And of course, her tummy had to be pretty obvious now. And ever since she came here, people has been staring at her and whispering but she could care less about them anymore—not when she still had so many things to think about and feelings too sort out… and a future to finalized. She couldn't keep waiting for him forever until he finally figures out what he wanted in life. She couldn't just stand in one corner, watching him think whether he really wanted her to stay. Because damn, if he really wanted her to stay, he would know exactly what to say to make her.
But the guy was just really impossible. He should be charged for everything he's done to her.
And a death sentence wouldn't still be enough.
She straightened her back, massaging the end of her spine when Aoi finally arrived carrying a paper bag of lunch. And she ended up rolling her eyes. That pig could really still eat even if his brother needed to be sent off to some mental institution. "I didn't know you could eat that much." She mumbled as soon as Aoi finally reached her.
Aoi snorted, pulling Misaki to the tables and forcing her to sit down. "This isn't for me. These are all for you. You should really eat up. You're just too skinny it's beginning to bother me."
"Are you going to bother me for the rest of your three month rehab here in Tokyo?"
Aoi smiled. "Yes, so, eat up or I might just end up shoving them all inside your mouth."
God, Aoi's just really so forceful sometimes, Misaki thought as she opened a box of custard bread and began eating it gingerly. She gazed back at the entrance where Aoi entered and frowned. How could she still wait for that bastard when it was so obvious he wouldn't come? Because if he would, he had already done that three days ago.
Maybe, she really was a masochist after all. She's just that type of person.
"What?"
Misaki snapped her head back at Aoi. "What?"
"What what?" Aoi muttered, confused, and stares back to the direction where her entire attention is leading her. "What are you staring at?"
Misaki shakes her head and stares down to her food. "Nothing. For some unknown reason, I was just feeling extremely gloomy today. I wanted to get out more. Soak in sunshine. I wanted to go out to places I've never been and… and just be… happy."
"You and your damn hormones." Aoi whispered, smiling suddenly when Misaki glared at him. "Okay, I know exactly why you're being like that."
Misaki snorted. "You tell me."
"You're missing my brother, don't you?"
"Yeah. I miss him. I really, really, miss Gerard so much. In fact, I was just about to see him today. I keep thinking he's a better companion than you are."
Aoi rolled his deep blue eyes, grinning like an idiot. "Clearly, I wasn't talking about him. I was talking about Usui Takumi—you know, my other brother who happened to be your husband."
"You do know that you're fucking insensitive sometimes, don't you?"
He laughed at that, and quickly leans forward to kiss Misaki on the top of her head. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I was just feeling really bad seeing you so fucking gloomy and all that shit. I'm sorry."
Misaki frowned upon hearing the words I'm sorry. "Glad you could easily say you're sorry when I was expecting your DUMB brother to say just that so we could finally settle some matters. He was just too much of an idiot sometimes that I really wanted to kill him. Can't I do that?"
"You can. And let's leave it to tom&&GERRY to do the cover-ups."
Misaki's forehead creased. "Tom and Jerry?"
"I mean, Gerard." He rolled his eyes again. "Gerard would do the cover-ups for Takumi's sudden murder. He has a thing for that. Didn't you notice that he's always the one doing the dirty jobs for us?"
"I notice that." she answers and continues eating again. "He tries to clean up your stupid brother's name whenever he dirties them. I don't even know now why I love him so much—it's annoying."
Aoi laughed, because this was the first time in a long time that he heard Misaki again admit that she loves his jerk of a brother. He didn't know why but he just feels so… warm… knowing that someone has loved stupid Takumi despite all his flaws. "Well, what if he suddenly says he's sorry and asked you to stay?"
Misaki frowned, hoping he really would, before she abandoned her food and stares back at the door again. But after ten seconds of waiting and no one has still entered, she gave up. "Those are the only words I was waiting for him to say—that he's, indeed, sorry and that he wanted me to stay. But it looks like your brother hasn't made up his mind yet. And I'm just so tired of waiting for him to say exactly just that. I could only take so much rejection, all right? I'm pregnant and I don't want to continue wasting my life away to some kind of wish that wouldn't probably happen after a few more years."
"Okay, okay, point taken." Aoi sighed. "Let's just not… talk about him. Discussion about Usui Takumi seemed like the vital key to your depression. Come on, just eat, okay? You're really skinny it's bothering me. And look at your tummy, it's getting obvious now."
"It looked like a flab of fat to me."
"Fat, my ass, pssh." Aoi says with a roll of his eyes. "With that kind of body structure, I wouldn't hesitate calling you skeletal."
"Shut up." They continued their supposed lunch and when everything was over, since Aoi still had some more free time, she decided to invite him out to the Institution where Kaon was currently confined. It was a long drive since it was located on the outskirts of town. But Misaki wanted to see her—to know if she's had some improvements now—because last time she heard from Gerard, she hasn't been eating well and she isn't responding positively with her sessions and she just feels so bad for the woman.
She left Aoi by the waiting area since he had to take a call from Maria and proceeded right straight to the ward she occupies, taking the couch right in front of her cell and stared at the woman in white, seated in the corner of her bed, while hugging a huge brown teddy bear she had bought for her and had asked Gerard to have it delivered to Kaon. Truthfully, Misaki wanted to pity Kaon for what she's become. But she knew Kaon didn't need that. What she needed is medication, care and affection and she just hopes she would get better soon since she had such a bright future ahead of her. Of course, it might take an extremely long time before people trust her again after what she's done, but she shouldn't just give up like this. She's been given a chance to live again. She should use it quite well.
When Kaon's personal doctor arrived, she took the seat next to Misaki and smiled at her in acknowledgement. Misaki smiled back at the kind doctor. "Hello, I came to ask about her condition."
The doctor sighed. "She still hasn't improved, Mrs. Usui. She doesn't respond well to conversations and she refuses to take in any medications that we just have to hold her down to make sure she wouldn't hurt herself."
"Does she… remember a few things now?"
"Yes. She keeps on calling out Mr. Usui Takumi's name. And I think the patient would recover quickly if she sees him. We're not sure if it's wise and Mr. Walker hasn't agreed to allow her to see either of you but, personally, she would gradually come back if she sees him."
Misaki sighed, nodding at the doctor and when she finally excused herself, she walked towards Kaon's ward and stood right next to the glass area where she could communicate freely with Kaon. "Hey, Kaon… can you hear me?" No response. Misaki exhaled again. "I know you can hear me… but I'm not sure if you could recognize me at all. But Takumi… Usui Takumi, you remember him, right?"
To that, Kaon's head suddenly snapped towards her direction.
Misaki sighed again. "If you wanted to see him, you need to get well. You need to get well because he wouldn't want to see you if you're like this. It would… hurt him. Are you hearing all these Kaon? And me… I know you don't care much about me but you owe me your life. And I didn't nearly sacrifice mine—along with my children—to see you end up like this. I don't want to see you like this so, please, please. Just… get well. Just get better. If not for me, for Takumi and yourself and your family. Certainly, they wouldn't like seeing you like this, too."
Kaon stared at her for a few more seconds; before she turned her head back to the stuffed bear she was holding and started playing with it again.
Misaki exhaled through her nose, and since she knew she wouldn't be productive today, she decided to walk back to the couch to get her bag and started walking away when all of a sudden; she heard a small thank you coming off Kaon's ward. She halted walking, snapping her head to Kaon who was already lying down on her side, her back facing Misaki. She continued staring at her for a few more minutes and when she realized that Kaon wouldn't be speaking with her anymore, she smiled a small one and nodded.
"You're always welcome." She replied and walks out finally, not knowing that Kaon was actually crying again.
.
If there was one thing Misaki notice that specific day, it was the fact that everybody was staring at her.
It has been like that ever since she came out of her pad. Her neighbors were staring at her—and suddenly giggling—that she couldn't help but double check if she was missing something (like shoes or pants… etc.) but she find everything about her simply normal and thus, the beginning of her day went on. Since Suzuna had her cram exams today, she started her day with doing the grocery. It was actually weird that everyone in the mart was staring at her but not approaching her. Of course, she felt good about that. But she could almost smell suspicion in the air and it felt like some regal shocker was about to come out of nowhere and scare the shit out of her. And once again, she had to check if her bonnet was one because the reason why they were staring at her might be because they are seeing that half of her head was missing—that was a joke—and that they were actually too disgusted to say anything. She tried shaking off that thought and felt the soft material of the cap caressed her nape and when she couldn't take the stares anymore, she decided to proceed to the next aisle.
Misaki pulled out the list of the things Aoi and Suzuna has been eating in her pad and went aisle by isle to get all them. And once again, the shoppers' stares were really beginning to kill her. She tried to keep as low profile as possible, keeping her hair partially covering her face so they wouldn't have to stare anymore when the first of the roses came—and they just doesn't have to be simply the common roses. They have to be Ecuadorian roses with some really expensive tulips in them—and three stems of sunflowers.
"Mrs. Usui?" one of the mart's personnel said as he approached her carrying a bouquet of the cursed things. Misaki paled, she knew—she just knew—what's going to happen. And that BASTARD just knew, too, that since she was a public figure, she couldn't easily throw a fit and reject everything given to her.
Forcing a smile out of her lips, she gaze at the man and smiled at him so sweetly. "Yes?" she answered because it was simply out of respect. But had they been on a more private place, she would have denied the fact that she was an Usui.
The personnel smiled and handed her the flowers. "These are for you, Ma'am. It's from me Mr. Usui Takumi." And she didn't fail to notice that the girls around her are starting to squeal rather… obviously.
"Oh," she tried to look surprise even if what she just really wanted to do right now is hunt Usui Takumi and shove a mallet in his head. "—er, thanks. I like flowers." She added conveniently. No, I don't like flowers! I hate them!
The personnel chuckled at her before he politely excused himself and walked away.
Misaki had to fight the urge to slam the poor bouquet on her pushcart as she resumed doing the grocery. Her movements were swift because she really wanted to get away from everyone as soon as possible but she was in for another surprise of her life when she reached the cashier.
The cashier lady started placing her groceries in the paper bags without having them scanned! Misaki started panicking. "Er, excuse me, why are you not scanning them?"
This time, it was the lady that smiled at her. "Everything's been paid for, Mrs. Usui."
Stop calling me Mrs. Usui! "What? I haven't even paid for them yet."
"You don't have to worry, Ma'am. Mr. Takumi bought everything in this store and he said that if ever you're going to take whatever, considered it fully paid by him."
"Ah." She mumbled, this time, really annoyed now. "I see. Of course."
"Your husband really likes to surprise you, Ma'am."
"Haha. I know. It just gets pretty annoying and necessary sometimes. Haha. Haha. Thanks for this. Haha. I'm going now. Haha." God! I wanted to kill that humiliating JERK! The cashier lady laughed at her reaction and after handing her the paper bags, Misaki tried not to look as though she was in a hurry when she stepped out of the store. But to her surprise, two more baggers approached her and voluntarily took the bags with her and smiled.
"We'd help you, Ma'am." They said as they head straight to where her car was parked. And if it wasn't just enough embarrassment, even the security guard of the establishment gave her another bouquet of the same flowers that just looks so terribly expensive. And God knows she never really like expensive items. "For you, Ma'am, from Mr. Usui."
Gingerly, she accepted the flowers—ignoring the people behind her who was laughing and giggling enthusiastically now—and forced out another smile again. "Thank you." she noticed the card on the bouquet and opened it.
Something to make your day better and bright. –UT
I am so going to kill you right now to make my day better and bright! She mentally hissed before she thanked the baggers who helped her. When she was finally inside the safety zones of her car, she glared daggers at the flowers, cursing the person who thought of this really irritating idea. But since the plants were pretty harmless, Misaki ended up smiling and finally regarded them.
"Well, at least that jerk knows what flowers could brighten a certain woman's gloomy day." She said to herself and drove off towards the nearest bookstore to buy herself something that could entertain her. She's done with Dan Brown's works and the chronicles of Percy Jackson and now, she wanted something classical—like maybe, Jane Eyre… or the works of Shakespeare. She always had this fondness of books and she was wondering why Suzuna didn't have the same interests. But then again, Tora loves reading books with her and her questions comes flying out of the window. The little tiger likes the works of Chaucer but what startled her was when he caught him one day reading E.L James's The Fifty Shades of Gray—the pervert.
Misaki parked her car on somewhere near so she wouldn't have to walk too far, regarding the two bouquets of flowers on the leathered seats next to her, before she unstrapped her seatbelt and got off the car, taking everything necessary with her. And as soon as she was out, there goes those people staring at her again. She had to fight the urge to stop walking because people would know she had notice them and instead, continued walking like she was clueless of what's currently happening.
And she could swear to any God—again—that she would really blow a fucking fuse if people starts giving her damn flowers again. She entered the bookstore, smiling at the guard when he smiled at her before she proceeded to the Literature Section to scan some books she wanted to buy. She plucked out a hardcopy of Jane Eyre, scanning the page to check the English quality when this little child suddenly walked towards her and started pulling on the hem of the sweater dress she was wearing since she couldn't wear pants now—not when she's having some difficulty in walking.
Turning to the kid, Misaki smiled. "Why, hello, are you lost?"
The boy started shaking his head and the smile almost fell off her lips when he revealed three stems of sunflowers from his back and handed it to her. "This is for you, Misaki-onee-chan. Takumi-nii-chan told me to give them to you."
Takumi-nii-chan, my ass! With a fake smile on her lips, she accepted the flowers. "Er, thanks. Do you know where he is?" in response, he had shaken his head. "No. We were just instructed to give this to you."
WE?! That God-awful shitass—"I see. Well, thanks for giving this to me. You shouldn't have bothered." Damn that guy! If I see him today, he's dead meat! Does he think he could win me back with these?! She went to another section again, hoping to escape her pursuers but much to her chagrin, four more kids carrying the same three stems of sunflowers approached her and gave her flowers. The people around her had been very obvious now on watching as things unfold and she just wanted to die with humiliation because if Takumi decides to involve the crowd with his annoying—and less impressive tactics—she would really explode and head butt him.
Come to think of it, her head's better now for head butting!
She drops the idea of buying books and got out of the bookstore, abandoning her car as of the moment since it wasn't considerably safe because she might run over someone and she didn't really want to spend her pregnant days in jail. But then again, although she hated that, she was sure Gerard would start pulling invisible strings again to make sure she comes out clean and offense less. She sighed, shoving her hands in the pockets of her dress—thank God she decided to abandon the flowers inside her car—and walked around the cold town. She really needed some alone time right now considering that everything's really going downhill between them.
She would not tolerate this kind of attitude from that stupid ASS.
Misaki frowned again, wondering why he couldn't figure out what she wants at all when it was the only thing she had asked from him. She wants him to apologize. She wanted him to assure her that he had regretted everything once he apologizes. Those two words might be meaningless to other people but it means a lot to her because it just goes to say that Takumi is well aware of everything he'd done against her and everything she'd suffered while they were still together. Apologizing is a sign that he's observing things as they unfold. Apologizing means that he knew he had hurt her therefore, he wanted to say he's sorry for doing all that.
So, what's just so hard from saying all those? What kind of shit is festering inside his stupid brain to not realize that she only wants him to say sorry? Damn, if this is what it meant loving an Usui Takumi—
"I love Misaki."
Misaki paused walking upon hearing that, and immediately, she snapped her head towards the direction of that store that sells newly designed televisions with her eyes wide and obviously bewildered. Her eyes rounded even more, though, when she recognize Usui Takumi's face registering on the television—on all televisions—and now, not only her was the only one watching. Females behind her started shrieking loudly when the slightly shaky camera focused the lenses on none other than Usui 'I love Misaki' Takumi who was slumped down on the floor of what looked like Maria's fashion center with his arms over his folded knees, looking extra depressed than ever. And somehow, her heart went all out to him as her hands automatically trace the now obvious bump on her stomach as though her still unborn babies wanted to sympathize with their… idiotic father.
"So? Now you say that after hurting her?"
Suzuna?! Why in the world am I hearing Suzuna's voice in here?!
What the hell?!
"I know I was such a jackass and I deserved being called names or being beaten up by you because what I did really screw things over. But I mean it when I said that. I love her and I realized that a long time ago but I was just too stupid to admit anything because I'm afraid she'd reject me."
Misaki's heart started beating furiously as soon as he said that—as soon as she heard those words coming from him. She's been anxious to hear those words from him and she fears she would never hear them anymore because he couldn't figure out what she wants and now, hearing that from him, it almost felt like her anger has subsided and she had this strong urge to punch him for not telling her all those things when he still had the chance to do so. Because that way, things wouldn't have to be this difficult between them anymore.
The jerk really had the best timing ever.
He should be given three awards for being a) King of Awkwardness b) King of Bad Timings and c) King of Idiocy—because he couldn't figure out things she wanted to hear from him.
"I know your sister loved me, too, because she said so, but maybe, before she could even realize she loves me, I was already in love with her."
That… those lines made her bloat even more and the screams around her started getting louder and louder. She knew people were watching her and it would only be a matter of time before videos of this gets viral again. The cold and biting wind blow against her hair and it sent strands of her long raven hair dancing in obvious enthusiasm. She wanted to kill him, and she hadn't felt something stronger like this before because the ASS was just so confused of everything that it had set things between them extremely messy. Well, the good thing is, he knew he was a jackass.
"It was my entire fault." Takumi says again, and his voice held some kind of emotion deeper than what she feels. Her heart started beating painfully again and she thought she should really find something to sit on now before she collapses on the ground like a dead fly. Hearing all these hearing from him, seeing all these emotions she had never seen before… everything was so new to her that it was just making her feel extra… confused.
These drastic changes are all Takumi's doing. Misaki was well aware that her behavioral alterations had nothing to do with her head injury.
"I screw this up—everything. And if I had just man up and asked your sister to marry me properly and screw our damn contract, this would not have happened at all. If I could take it all back, I would now. I didn't mean to screw everything. These are all probably excuses but I mean everything that I've said."
Misaki gasped upon hearing him reveal the contract between. He knew he was being recorded, right? This was a part of his plan, right? He shouldn't be saying something about the contract because there is a risk people might discriminate him—especially those girl groups that just hates people like Usui Takumi.
"I love Misaki, and I'm fucking stupid for not gathering enough courage to say that to her—and I would never forgive myself for doing this to her, for causing all these."
But upon hearing that he loves her, her mind just went blank and tears started to well up in her eyes again. Furiously, Misaki shakes her head. This is too early. She shouldn't be seen crying in public because people might guess that she was still so smitten by her husband who doesn't even know how to properly say I'm sorry.
She's still mad. She's still mad!
Silence engulfed Takumi—along with her and the entire crowd watching with her—and after seconds of intense silence, Suzuna's voice echoed all over the footage again.
"You love my sister." she said, and had she been there while this kind of video was being put to record, she had a pretty good guess about her reaction right now. Her heart softened again, but she fought against it. Not until he says he's sorry. He knew she doesn't need words like that from him—although it did better on distracting her. He knew she wanted something else. But the idiot doesn't even know what to say to make her feel better.
"I love Misaki." he repeated again and his eyes focused on somewhere else, probably Suzuna since it looked like he was talking with her. And however they managed to video this without him knowing—if this was indeed something he didn't know—was already something way beyond her comprehension. Misaki started wondering who Suzuna collaborated with to do something as… ridiculous as this.
"I love everything about her even when she's awkward or annoying or irrationally irate or unreasonable or simply being her. I love her whenever she's with me and I'm loving her more whenever she's gone to God knows where without my knowledge. I love how her hand fits mine easily because she makes it looked like everything about me is built only for her. I love her because she has given me enough reason to continue living and I loved her when she wordlessly yanked me out of my hatred of Gerard, Tora and the entire Walker family. I love her because she never thought of me nor Aoi as a bastard and I love her because it was her—and I would never bother to do anything like this unless it's her I'm doing all these for. I love her when she's trying hard to do anything and I love her when she thinks she couldn't please me when in fact, she does and my stupid heart just swells with too much happiness but I was fucking stupid for not admitting all that."
This time, she couldn't stop her heart anymore when it started fluttering violently. She wanted to laugh and cry and do whatever. She didn't know lines like that could make people laugh and cry at the same time. The people behind her were either giggling or laughing or whispering or shrieking but she could care less anymore. She just feels so much… whatever one may call this kind of feeling to properly react. It was weird that she could react like this but then again, she was still a woman and girls like her are suckers for situations like this.
But still, she hopes he would say that one thing she wanted to hear from him. He already said enough but with all the confusion, stress, depression and sadness she felt while staying with him, was it wrong to ask for more?
It's just two words: I'm sorry. Won't he really give her the chance to hear that from him?
"Forgive him already, Misaki-san!" someone behind her screamed and everyone started agreeing with what the woman said.
Not yet. Not yet. Give me more time, please. Give me a few more minutes.
Misaki tried to make her expression as stoic and cold as possible. But her entire being was shaking—her hands, her feet, her lips, her body; everything. Automatically, her hands flew up to her tummy again as she caressed her little twins, asking for their support.
"We didn't meet the normal way but she arrived in my life like a whirlwind of smiles and I would do everything—even if it was no longer in my power—to keep that smile on her face. She saved me in every possible—and impossible—ways I could be saved and I'm glad I married her because she's probably the only woman better suited for me. And I wouldn't settle for anyone unless it's her. She's the place where my life begins, and she'll be where it ends, too. I love Misaki and I wouldn't allow anything to separate us. You're right; we married for the wrong reasons. Everything was fraud—but not my feelings. I love her even before she started loving me and if it wasn't her, then I wouldn't be happy. And I'm even willing to say all these to the entire world if it meant gaining her forgiveness."
People started screaming again that if possible, it might shatter the glass that was standing between her and the television. The staffs inside the store, too, were all shrieking as though it was to them Usui Takumi—that ever notorious lover of women, Usui Takumi—were telling all these. It was so weird that people would unite on something like this. And if this was, again, some kind of conspiracy, she wouldn't really hesitate on kicking the guts of that guy for going through all these kind of trouble when all he needed to say is just that one thing.
She just needed to say that one thing from him.
"What about Kaon Umekoji?"
Takumi looked obviously annoyed when Suzuna asked that. "That was nothing, okay?" he sounded so exasperated saying that. "Had I known she was a crazy woman, I wouldn't have allowed her anywhere near me and Misaki. But I swear I never looked to any woman—nor touch other women—while I was married to her. You might consider me as a fucking rake but I never dare cheat on her. She's the only woman for me—Misaki, I mean—and I would never dare look at another woman even if she wasn't around. She's frustrating, all right, but she's Misaki and I love her even if she frustrates the hell out of me."
Once again, someone screamed behind her. "See that? See that?! He didn't cheat on you, after all! God, just forgive him already, Misaki-san! Doesn't he look pitiful? Anybody?"
A chorus of 'Yes' echoed all over behind her.
"If you have these stupid feelings for her, then why the hell didn't you admit it all? Why allow reaching this kind of situation?"
"What do you expect me to do, Suzuna?" Takumi asked miserably, finally identifying the person he was speaking with. "I never felt this kind of thing before. It was scary and I fear her rejection. People—my own family, to be specific—had been trampling over me repeatedly as though I was some trash. I've been rejected my entire life and I've been told that people would continually reject me no matter what I do. That's why I became like this. I don't want people to reject me that's why I'm pushing them away. But your sister didn't reject me and it confused me. What she did is out of the normal situation I was usually placed into. It was confusing, being in this kind of situation and feeling all these complex emotions, that's why I tried to pushed her away as much as I could. And just when I was finally able to build up enough courage to tell her I love her, she had to see me on that kind of situation that crazy Kaon put me into. I wanted to explain things but she looked like she was going to jumped off the building to get away from me. And I couldn't explain things properly, not when Kaon's within her sight looking like some damned prostitute. Not when I was an extreme mess. I don't know what to do. I wanted to start over but I could only do that if you forgive me, if you help me get her back because I know I wouldn't be able to do that easily because she has already shut her heart close to me. My time's running out. Come March, she'll be expecting divorce and I don't want that. If I fucking lost her, too, I don't know where else I would go."
"Kyaa! Usui-sama looks so hot saying all that!"
"Ssh!"
"Quiet!"
"I love Usui Takumi-sama!"
"I hope I have a boyfriend that would do all that for me!"
"And if I were Ayuzawa Misaki, I wouldn't hesitate forgiving him already!"
Geez, won't you all shut up?! I've got enough of all these noise!
There were a few more blurred conversations but she doesn't have the heart to listen to that anymore because she still didn't hear what she wanted to hear from him. The camera moved—which made her a bit dizzy since there were just too much vibration—and she figured out Suzuna was the one holding out the camera and she was no longer surprise to see Aoi with her.
"Epic, don't you think?" Suzuna said to Aoi.
Aoi laughed, and tried to block the lenses with his huge hands and when his hand disappeared, the lens was already focused on Suzuna. "So, Suzuna Ayuzawa, what can you say about my idiot brother's confession?"
Suzuna glared at Aoi before shrugging. "Well, why don't you KISS me AND I might TELL you."
Girls started shrieking behind her again and next thing she knew, the video ended. She was in some kind of blank state for a moment. She was happy hearing all that from him but it wasn't enough. Not enough. She still needed to hear that because if she didn't hear that from him, then all these would be useless. He might have the courage now to say that he loves her but what about his courage to apologize? When would he learn to apologize to her?
She was about to walk away when another stranger approach her to hand her another bouquet of the same flowers. People screamed and shrieked again but she barely had the presence of mind to acknowledge all their reactions. People were taking pictures and videoing her but she could care less now.
He should apologize, that's what's in her mind right now. If he really wanted to be forgiven, he should apologize. Didn't he already realize that by now? In order for someone to forgive one, one must first ask for forgiveness by apologizing?
God, he really was the biggest idiot she encountered her entire life!
She smiled at people who congratulated her, forcing her to forgive him already before she started making her way back to the bookstore's parking lot to get her car when these three helicopters started flying over them. Her forehead creased, because that was really not normal, when to her surprise, the helicopters started releasing huge amounts of petals that fluttered over the entire road like snow—colored snow. There were confetti mixed with it, too, and it just looked so beautiful that she was astounded for a moment.
"This is Gerard Walker speaking, Gerard Walker speaking."
Misaki gasped, hearing Gerard's voice as it echoed all over the sky and she really wanted to hit someone right now because she knew those idiots had teamed up to do this to her. She wouldn't even be surprise anymore if Suzuna and Chiyo are part of this, too.
"Kindly clear the area and prepare for landing."
What—landing?! In here?! In the middle of the friggin' busy road?!
People started screaming as black sedans started appearing out of nowhere and if it wasn't enough to shove in her face the influence of the family she was married into, police cars had appeared out of nowhere, too, to accommodate the selfishness of the entire Walker family—Usui Takumi, included, because she was just so sure he was the instigator—mastermind, ringleader, troublemaker and the brains—behind all these.
To her surprise, Cedric suddenly appeared out of nowhere and lowered his head to her in respect. "Madam, kindly step aside, please." He told her softly.
Misaki stared at Cedric in disbelief. "I can't believe you allowed Gerard and his idiot crew to do something as absurd as this!" she screamed at Ceddy since the choppers—as the prepared for landing—was just too loud she could barely hear anything. It was already a surprise she was able to hear Cedric speak.
In return, Cedric smiled. "It already came from you, Madam." He answered. "We need to loosen up a bit, too." the man nodded at her again and held her by the arm to pull her out of the landing area. She was still stupefied as the choppers landed and as soon as the engines are off, another chopper flew over them and scattered more flowers on the road.
Talk about littering the entire national road of Tokyo.
Reporters were already on their spots and Misaki could only roll her eyes because everything was just so exaggerated that all these exaggeration of the Walker family would be broadcasted all over the globe. The reporters had Walker crest on their vans and cameras and she knew it was only a matter of time before this kind of public apology—if Usui Takumi would really be able to guess the magic words—would be known worldwide.
For a moment, Misaki thought she wanted to hit Gerard.
The chopper doors got pushed open as another set of men clad in all black suits jumped off the chopper and rolled a long red carpet on the road and started scattering petals on it again. Misaki rolled her eyes. They are really the most absurd people she ever met her entire life.
There were multiple flashes on either sides of her and sometimes, behind and in front of her that she considered wearing sunglasses since everything was just blinding her. And if she could only yell at them to stop, she would have done so already. Who cares now about publicity? She's really annoyed right now she could eat a person whole. Gerard got out of the chopper first—and people started applauding (much to her irritation)—before he started walking towards her and gave her a huge bouquet of flowers—eight Ecuadorian roses, eight blue and pink tulips each and eight sunflowers.
Gerard grinned at her. "Debonair, isn't it?"
She glared at him. "More like deviant, Gerard. What the hell is this—hmf!" she glowered at him when he suddenly shove the bouquet on her mouth and started waving to the crowd while cameras started flashing. "Quiet. Can't you see he's doing his best?"
"This is so flashy! It's humiliating!"
"Oh." He paused for a moment. "You don't like that?"
"Damn. That guy's so going to get it."
"Ssh, relax." He must have thought doing all these looks so cool since he looked like he's thoroughly enjoying everything. "I didn't know confessions were this fun. Youngsters like Suzuna and Aoi are really the best."
"Suzuna?!" she hissed, startled that her stoic and usually expressionless sister had, indeed, took part in this.
"Quiet." Gerard told her again, and his bossiness is really starting to grate on her last nerves. And she was so annoyed that she didn't notice him secretly attached a mini-microphone on the collar of her sweater. "You may speak now."
"I'm going to kill Usui Takumi is what I really wanted to say right now." She hissed, her forehead creasing when Gerard started laughing and the crowd went from being obnoxiously noisy to slightly silent. "Stop laughing!" she hissed at Gerard. "Where the hell is that jackass?!"
And from deafening silence, the crowd started laughing again.
But Misaki paid that no heed. Right now, she was just friggin' embarrassed she swears she could kill Usui Takumi right now.
Gerard chuckled again. "Yes, yes, he'd be here now. His speech is quite long."
"I don't care about his speech. I'd kick him back to Mars right now where he belongs!"
Gerard merely rolled his eyes although he was having fun with all these—Takumi preparing something so extravagant (and asking for his help) and Misaki talking roughly without realizing that everybody could hear her now. And since there are a lot of influential people present, even the Japanese Facility's Federal and National Bureau of Investigation—and the SWAT team—had decided to take part in this kind of celebration. He wasn't surprise anymore when his Grandfather sent a few more police force to ensure everybody's safety.
Misaki's eyes were still sharp when Takumi finally got off the chopper and started looking around—and he frowned at the sight of many spectators watching them. He started regretting the fact that he had asked for Gerard's help on wooing back the only woman he cared for so deeply. He remembered telling Gerard to help him corner Misaki and definitely not corner her by making use of extravagant choppers (with matching police force, media and audiences). He thought of ending the misery of his elder brother once all these are over.
Gerard laughed at Takumi's expression before he nodded at Ceddy who nodded at Misaki out of politeness and took the huge bouquets from her. Girls were screaming again and since they've got media men right straight from England, he was pretty certain his Grandfather was watching this as things unfold.
He sighed, I am so kind, he told himself.
"Misaki—"
"What the hell is all these, Takumi?" Misaki cut off as soon as Takumi started speaking. She thought it was a good thing he didn't started walking towards her to close their distance. Because if he had, she was pretty certain she would have head butted him. "What did I say about hating unnecessary stuff?"
Takumi frowned. "Would you just shut up for a moment?" he snapped, noticing that Misaki was mad again. And when she's mad, his stupid brain was just beginning to shut down and he starts spouting nonsense again which, he was pretty sure, would put more distance between them. He exhaled when she fell silent and started scratching the back of his head. "Sorry. It was rude but that was true though. Please, shut up for a moment."
"Can't you say that a bit kinder?"Misaki hissed sardonically.
Takumi exhaled again. Her irritation was really something. Is this what happens to pregnant women? "Okay. Please. Shut up for a moment." Her eyes turned sharper and Takumi finally understand what she meant by a bit kinder. "Okay. What I mean to say is, please be quiet for a moment and listen to everything I would have to say. You probably don't want to listen to excuses now but, this is all I have for you—reasons, excuses. And I hope you would listen to me because I wanted to fix this."
"Why don't you start fixing yourself first, dumbass?" Misaki muttered, still unaware that everybody could hear every word she says. "I don't want to be with someone who has a a lot of issues."
"Okay. Okay. I deserve that. it was rude but I deserve that." he stared at her again, and all he saw was her sharp gaze and annoyed look. Takumi frowned. He wasn't off to a good start, after all. "I don't know where to start."
"Start with what we've practice!" someone hissed from inside the chopper.
"Aoi, everybody could hear you! Get the damn microphone off your damned mouth!"
"Oh! Sorry! Sorry!"
Misaki bristled. "Was that Suzuna?" she hissed and glares at Gerard. "And Aoi?"
"I've told you they've collaborated with us."
God, I could really kill those two! "Okay." She sighed in defeat. Since they have gone as far as cornering her like this, she decided to listen to him. She doesn't want to waste her sister and best friend's efforts on doing something like this. As for Takumi, he could go to hell for humiliating her like this. "Fine. I'd listen. I'd listen even if what I really wanted to do is kill you right now for doing all these unnecessary stuff when all you have to say is—"
"I'm sorry."
"Yes. That. I was waiting for you to say that—" Misaki paused momentarily as what he had just said finally sink in. She gaze at Takumi and then to the crowd who all fell silent and tried pinching herself to know if all these is just a nightmare—a beautiful nightmare, though. "I think I'm starting to hear things. I'm sorry, did you say something?"
"I said, I'm sorry."
"You said you're sorry." Misaki nodded. "Okay. Let's repeat that again. What did you say again?"
"Look, stop being all too sardonic with me, okay? I'm sorry. There. I've said it. Did you hear it loud and clear now?"
Misaki bristled. "Try again, Takumi. You sounded like you were only compelled to say that to me." She was still unimpressed. She wanted to hear this from him but not like this. It sounded the same as when he said I do to her many months ago. He sounded like he's choking.
Takumi breathed out in exasperation. Clearly, this isn't indeed a nice start. "I'm sorry." He repeated again. "What I'm probably saying now is cruel and unnecessary… and it wouldn't probably make up with everything I've done to you—emotional and mental and physical harm—but still, I'm sorry."
Misaki crossed her arms over her chest and arched an eyebrow at Takumi, her face voided with any emotion.
He decided to push through despite all odds. "We need to make things clear here, Misaki. And I could swear to any God I know right now that I wouldn't allow you to leave unless you forgive me. We need to settle matters and I wouldn't allow you to divorce me either because we are definitely staying together. I wouldn't allow you to leave me no matter what—no matter what, you understand that?"
Had they been under a more normal situation, Misaki would have laughed at him because he doesn't clearly sound apologetic. In fact, he's making it look like this was another contract again. But she was clearly amused as things unfold. That elusive Casanova Usui Takumi doing all these embarrassing things to get her back?
That was epic.
He exhaled; his shoulders slumped down in defeat as he started talking again. "I don't know what happened again. Truthfully, I don't know what kind of path I've taken to end up in this kind of situation. I must have made a wrong turn somewhere and got lost… or probably, I have taken the wrong bus—"
"You never commute you, idiot. You have your own car." She mumbled, suppressing a smile from escaping her lips.
Takumi frowned at Misaki again. "That was a different story." He said, ruffling his hair again. "I don't know what happened, Misaki, okay? Kaon, damn, I don't even understand why I didn't see through her. I was stupid and I was probably the most stupid guy out there for doing that to you—seeing me in that kind of situation and not offering an explanation—but yeah, I was stupid. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I… I shouldn't have done that. I should have said something. I shouldn't have done that to you… to you who had… done all these to me. I shouldn't have hurt you. I shouldn't have allowed anybody to hurt you. I should have protected you with everything that I have. I should have treated you better." He sighed another defeated sigh. "I should have told you I love you when I have the chance to do so… and I should have told you how sorry I am for not telling you I love you and repeatedly hurting you."
Misaki nearly jumped when the girls around them started screaming again, anxious to hear more. And she wouldn't deny that she was anxious to hear more from him, too. This was the first time this guy allowed so many people to listen to what he has in mind. And she most definitely didn't expect that. She had always thought of Usui Takumi as someone as stiff as a block and as cold as ice. And now, hearing all these from him… she could almost see her heart wavering.
"We didn't start off the normal way, Misaki. I ask you to marry me to free Aoi and I from the binds of the Walker family."
To that, Misaki gasped, and people started whispering in confusion of what Usui Takumi was talking about. What are you talking about now, you dumb idiot! People would know about our contract! She risked a glance at Gerard who nodded at her, as though he had expected his brother would tell all these. She glanced back at Takumi when he started speaking again.
"You're right. Ours is no more than a fraud marriage built from benefitting off each other. And now that everything's making sense, I finally realized how stupid I was for doing that to you. But I did not regret that. Because if I hadn't married you, I wouldn't have realized all this—I wouldn't have find out I was actually capable of loving someone more than… more than myself and my brother."
Girls started screaming again and had her eardrums been exposed, Misaki knew she would be rendered deaf. Her arms remained crossed over her chest to make sure she would be able to hide everything she's feeling for this jerk that was her husband.
"I thought I was never going to fall in love ever again. My life is a real mess. It was a formless piece of crap. Until you came. Everything was even messier than before. But despite all those, it felt good. The freedom you offered me felt good."
"There. You finally said it. You're free. I guess its goodbye now for both of us, right? You said until you're free… and now you are. What do you still want from me?"
"Don't do this to me." A fissure formed inside Misaki's heart, but she fought the urge to run towards Takumi and embrace him. "Please, don't do this to me. I… I love you, okay? I've never been in love before, Misaki. And I wouldn't settle for anyone anymore after meeting you. I was never able to do anything—even loving someone. So please, don't do this to me. I… you help me achieve things. You… You yanked me out of that… blinding bitterness I have. Back then I was unable to do anything because the past just keeps on dragging me down. I have never been really able to do what I wanted to do. It was like… it felt like… I feel like as though I was a bird trapped inside a birdcage—like I am not my own person. I feel… suffocated and there was nothing for me but… well… nothing. My mother was gone, my father was gone, and my entire being was a fraud. I mean… there's not even one person that awaits my arrival anymore. No one… there was no one. But all became different when I fell in love with you. Don't… please… don't leave me. Don't reject me… like what they've done for so many years. Don't… don't trample on my heart like what they've been repeatedly doing… please. Don't… don't break my heart… because I'm so tired of acting as though I can handle everything smoothly when, in truth, what I've always wanted to do is cry and spill my guts out to whoever was willing to listen."
Silence erupted again and more flashes blinded Misaki as she locked her amber eyes to Takumi's miserable green orbs. She never heard all these before. He had never allowed her in before but now… but now… he didn't just allow her inside, he wanted her to stay, too, and be with him as he experienced more emotions he thought she introduced when all in all, everything was just buried and became stagnant inside him because he was only using one emotion: hatred.
"If you're gone… if you're gone, I might become the me back then again." he says again. "And I don't want to return to that kind of self, Misaki. So, I'm sorry. But please, accept me again and I'd try—I'd damn try to be everything that could please only you. I'd try to be kinder, to speak out my mind, I'd try to talk. We might not be the same anymore but I'd try to make everything work. I'm sorry, Misaki. I love you… and you said before that you love me, too… you still mean that, right?"
The crowd started whispering when she didn't respond.
Takumi nodded. "I see. I've fixed myself already, Misaki. The reason why I was gone for a long time was because I was trying to fix myself. You're right… you shouldn't be with someone who has so many issues—and I was just exactly that kind of man. I have so many issues. And I wouldn't promise you that those issues would go away because they have become a huge part of my life. But I've already fixed myself so I wouldn't have to be confused anymore once I wanted someone to listen to what I have to say."
Another long silence. "You know I'm always willing to listen."
Takumi stilled momentarily, staring deep into his eyes wearing nothing but that emotion of astonishment before a small smile finally appeared on his lips.
"You're such an idiot."
Suddenly, the smile disappeared as it was, instead, replaced with confusion. "Huh?"
"You're such an idiot, Takumi." Misaki repeated. "You're dumb, you're annoying and you're always hurting me. Sometimes, you're just so frustrating that I really wanted to kill you. But that's how I know you're you. If you weren't an idiot, or a dumb jerk or annoying or frustrating or a man full of issues, I don't think I would have loved you this much."
Their spectators screamed as soon as Misaki said that, and she wondered how such a huge crowd was able to hear her words when they were so many and her voice wasn't that loud to begin with.
She finally smiled yet, tried to maintain whatever emotion on her face she could maintain to make sure he wouldn't know she was just… overpowered by so much happiness. "I've said this before, too, didn't I? I love you and its getting worst… and I don't think it would ever change no matter how much you act like an ass. Because if you weren't such an asshole, I don't think I would ever really come to like you this much."
Takumi smiled widely—and she was astounded to see that he could actually smile this freely—until the smile suddenly disappeared and he started looking formal. He cleared his throat and stared at her again, his eyes only on hers. "So, am I… forgiven?"
Misaki rolled her eyes at his clichéd question. "Aren't you always?"
"But I'll always be like this. I'd always have issues. I would always fear the future or I would always get scared if you suddenly want more. I'd always be… this flawed. Even so, would you still want me?"
"You're an idiot to think I wouldn't."
The crowd finally released that scream they've been holding in anxiously inside them since they weren't sure yet if Ayuzawa Misaki would really forgive Usui Takumi. They were still screaming when Takumi finally decided to charge towards that one lucky woman who's probably the only woman he'd lay his eyes on until the end, because she was the only woman who was able to won his heart over without having to do anything grand.
Takumi was about to lean in forward and capture her lips but Misaki swiftly block his lips with her hand and leaned away. "Wait, wait, wait, I have something more to tell you."
Takumi's forehead creased. "What is it that you consider more important than this now?"
"I'm pregnant."
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"And we're having twins—" Misaki gasped when Takumi suddenly loosened his grip on her and drop dead on the ground. "Oh, my God! Takumi!" the entire crowd gasped, too, and swiftly, people started approaching them. From out of nowhere, Aoi, Suzuna, Maria, Tora and Chiyo had appeared, too, to check out Takumi. Gerard was swift when he ordered Cedric to call in the medic and the police force started alarming civilian and uniformed guards to ensure safety on the place. Misaki kneeled next to Takumi as she shakes his furiously. "Takumi! Takumi!"
"What happen?!" Aoi asked frantically. "What happened to him? Was he harmed?!"
"I-I don't know. I just told him I'm pregnant and we're having twins and he suddenly collapsed—" her forehead creased when Takumi's body started to vibrate and next thing she knew, he was already laughing. Misaki's jaw dropped. "What—I thought you're… you're—"
"I was just kidding." Takumi said—still laughing—as he sits up properly and grinned at Misaki mischievously. "I already know you're pregnant. Aoi told me that beforehand. I was just kidding you."
Misaki was still shock over what just happened, and when realization finally dawned on her, her fist automatically shot out as she punched Takumi on the face. "Don't kid around like that!" she screamed at him angrily. "I thought… I thought you were… and yet… you were playing possum, you ass!"
Aoi ended up rolling his eyes as he decided to pull Suzuna with him back to the chopper since it wasn't safe to be outside in the public with this many people. The others started laughing; too, as they all watched Takumi massage the part of his face Misaki had punched.
"Y-You jerk… asshole… jackass—"
Takumi sighed, but smiled again as he held Misaki's hand and kissed her knuckles. He doesn't really like her getting violent—not now especially that she was pregnant. His twins might end up becoming professional boxers, too, if they end up taking after their mother's violent tendencies. "I'm sorry. Forgive me already."
Misaki frowned. "Don't you ever do that again, ass."
"Yes, yes. So, am I forgiven?"
She sighed, trying to calm herself, before she grinned mischievously at Usui Takumi. "Well, why don't you KISS me AND I might TELL you?"
.
Andy
