A/N; Thank you all so much for your continued support! This chapter takes place on the same day as the last chapter ended. I know it's extremely long, but I felt it really needed the length to cover what I wanted. Some of you might want a tissue or two for this one.

Will entered the dimly lit bedroom, threading his arms under Alicia's, peering over her shoulder. She was staring at a framed family photo on their dresser. He often found her doing this, staring at pictures with a look of concentration on her face, leading him to believe she was searching her memory for any bit of recollection. Numerous times he'd thought about how strange it must be for her to see herself in photos, but not be able to recall any of the events that had led to the photo being taken.

She turned in his embrace wrapping her arms around his neck. She loved feeling the warmth of his body next to hers.

"I think Zach enjoyed going through his things tonight," she said.

"Yes. And I think Grace enjoyed some of the stories I told, even if she didn't want to look at her things." Will said softly, pulling her closer.

"It was fun to see his little clothes, some of his favorite books, his old teddy bear and baby blankets." She sighed, looking away from him. "I just wish I could remember some of it."

"Hey, I'll bet in time some of it will come back to you," he replied, running his hands soothingly over her back.

She leaned closer to him resting her head on his shoulder. Even though it had been a good day, she still felt sad about not remembering any of her three pregnancies, or Zach and Grace's early years.

Sensing her mood, he tightened his hold around her. "Alicia, what's wrong? Are you still worried about Grace?"

A few tears slipped from her eyes, as she pulled out of his grasp, moving closer to the bed.

Surprised at her tears, he reached for her hand. "Leesh, Grace is going to be fine. Why all the tears?" he said, gently.

She wiped at the few tears on her face. "It's not Grace. I'm sorry. I really hate how easily my emotions seem to get the better of me sometimes."

He embraced her again, using his own hand to gently wipe away more of her tears. "You don't need to be sorry. Tell me what's wrong."

"I'm sad Will. I feel like I missed out on one of the great milestones of becoming a mother."

"Being pregnant?" he questioned.

"Yes, and raising them. You told me our reasons for taking pregnancy out of the picture. I understand those reasons. But right now I'm upset about it. I don't like how…definitive that decision is. It makes me sad and angry that I may never remember carrying three full term babies - our children," she said in frustration, as a few more tears escaped her eyes.

It had come out more bitter than she'd meant. She immediately felt bad for her reaction. His eyes filled with heartache. "Alicia, I don't know what to do to make that better, other than to just keep waiting to see if some of the memories come back." It made him sad that she felt this way. This was one of the most difficult things for him, not being able to bring back some of the memories she wanted most.

Her voice softened. "Will, I don't need you to make it better. I'm not upset at you, just the circumstances. Maybe you can help me understand it better - our decision." He looked back into her eyes. She reached her arms around his shoulders again. "I know it would be difficult for you. But…would you tell me about Kate? I'd like to know exactly what happened to us that day."

He sighed looking down at the floor again. His arms tightened around her. "Yes, I'll tell you. There's a box of her things downstairs. We should bring it up first."

"I found it along with the others today. It's in my closet."

"Did you look inside of it?" He sighed heavily, pulling away from her running a hand through his hair as if he were upset.

The sudden change in his demeanor surprised her. "I...no. I wanted to wait for you." His back was towards her, his hands on his hips. "Will, I'm sorry. I should have left it where I found it."

He turned around, his features had softened again. He put his hands on her waist. "No Leesh. You don't need to be sorry. It's not that."

"Then what?"

He sighed again. "My parent's were here when she died. My mother was just trying to be helpful, and took some photos of Kate, unbeknownst to me at the time. She thought we'd like to have some later on. She got a few shots of her tiny feet and hands. A few of her all bundled up. She took a few shots of me holding Kate while I was waiting for you to wake up from surgery. And she took a few more of you and I and the baby after you woke up."

He folded his arms across his chest. "When I realized what she was doing, I was furious. I overreacted and blew up at her. It was out of line. But I was a wreck. Our child had died. You had come close to dying, and I'd just had to tell you the baby had died. At the time, I couldn't believe she was taking photos as if everything was all right. I told her to get rid of them after I'd blown up at her. She told me she would. But you called her later that night and asked her to keep them. That even if I didn't want photos of the baby, you did."

He smiled at her running his hand over her arm. "She put together a beautiful album with the photos in it. It's in Kate's box. It took a long time for me to understand why we would want to have that kind of reminder. But eventually I was glad we had them. I'm even more grateful now under the circumstances. It's just that whenever I see the photos, I'm reminded of how awful I was to her that day."

He placed his hand to her cheek. "I've done some things in my life that I'm not exactly proud of, and that is one of them. My reaction a minute ago wasn't that I would be upset if you had looked at Kate's things. It was a reaction to my own feelings, and uncertainty as to how you might react to seeing pictures of her."

He pulled her closer again. "I'll go get the box, and tell you what happened."

"Are you sure? We can wait if you want," she said, softly. She could see in his eyes how painful this was for him.

"Yes, I'm sure. Its not that I don't want to tell you, I do. You should know what happened. It's just that I get really emotional even thinking about it. That was one of the worst days of our lives." He brushed his hand over her cheek. "I'm sorry I can't just make all the memories come back for you, at least the good ones."

"I know you are, and that means a lot to me. I remembered something today from a few months back. The day we met with Dr. Benson for the first time, and we went to that park afterwards." He nodded affirmatively.

"That day as we were walking, I had a memory come back. I didn't realize it was a memory at the time because I didn't know about Kate. You and I were sitting on a bench in the park. Grace and Zach were playing on the grass in front of us. I was pregnant. That was the part I didn't understand at the time." She wrapped her arms around his neck again. "The thing I remember most about that memory was how happy I felt sitting there with you. How happy we both seemed."

He managed a little smile. "We were happy Leesh. Let's get the box."

She nodded. He let go of her and made his way to the closet. He returned a few moments later and sat next to her. The keepsake box was lavender in color. A light purple satin bow lay on the front of the flap that opened the lid. "When Grace was born a lot of her things had hints of pink. So when we found out we were having another girl, you decided that lavender would be best," Will said, lifting the lid to the box. Sitting on top were some drawings. Will lifted the papers out.

"These are some pictures Grace drew for her. She had just turned four, and was excited to be a big sister."

Alicia read the words across the top that were written in her own handwriting. The first read, Me and my baby sister Kate. Alicia smiled at the two stick figures, with their triangle dresses, crooked smiles, and messy hair. The other picture was a drawing of the entire family. Across the top it read, Our family going to the park. This paper had five stick figures drawn on it. "Her favorite place to go was the park. She was excited to show her sister the slide, and the baby swing there." Will said.

"The pictures are adorable," Alicia said.

Will pulled out a plush baseball. "This had been Zach's. He had really wanted a little brother. After we finished the nursery he put the ball in her crib because he thought there were too many girl things in her room. He had all kinds of plans to teach her how to play ball before Grace taught her to play with dolls."

Alicia chuckled looking over at him. "You and Zach have managed to keep Grace interested in sports."

"Yes, at least for now. But with every passing year, she seems to become less and less interested."

Next Alicia lifted a tiny baby bracelet with a little silver heart charm from the box. "It's so small," she commented, turning the bracelet through her fingers.

Will nodded. "In with your other jewelry, you have a necklace with a heart pennant that has two smaller hearts cut out of it. Grace has a bracelet just like Kate's, only bigger. The hearts on their bracelets fit into the ones on your necklace." He sighed, running his hand over his chin. "It was my Mother's Day gift for you that year." His gaze met hers. Her eyes were moist again.

"I'm already crying and you haven't even told me what happened yet. It's beautiful." She reached her hand to his chin and pressed a soft kiss to his lips.

Moments later, they sat comfortably next to each other, the box on his lap. "You were thirty-nine weeks along." He smiled shaking his head. "We were so happy Leesh. The pregnancy had gone smoothly, the kids were healthy. It had been one of the best years for the firm up to that point. We were all excited to welcome another member into the family. You printed out a photo every month and taped it to the refrigerator so the kids could see how big she was getting. We talked about her so much, what it would be like once she was here, the rules of having a baby around with the kids, that it practically seemed like she was already living in the house outside of your womb."

He took her hand into his. "You and I would lie together in bed at night, my hand on your stomach so I'd be able to feel her move around. We'd talk about how tired we'd be, and how we'd have to get used to changing diapers again. Since she was going to be our last, you had decided you were going to cut back on work for a year so you'd have more time with all three of them."

His smile disappeared. His eyes filled with heartache. "We were all ready for her to come. Her car seat and your bag for the hospital had been in the car for two weeks." He lifted from the box a soft lavender and white polka dot outfit and headband. The bow on the headband matched the bows on the small outfit. "This is the outfit she was supposed to come home from the hospital in." He got choked up and had to swallow hard before continuing. "She never wore it."

Alicia took the outfit out of his hands. Laying it on her lap she ran her fingers over the tiny bows shaking her head. She didn't know what was more difficult. Seeing how emotional this made Will, or hearing about it all.

Will continued. "The night before she was born your back started bothering you. That should have been a sign that something was wrong, but your back always hurt some at the end of the day during the later weeks of pregnancy. We didn't even think twice about it. The next morning it was still bothering you. We figured she'd just moved lower and would probably come in the next few days."

/

Alicia padded into the bathroom her hands at her lower back. Will had just stepped out of the shower.

I didn't sleep very well last night," she said, placing her hands on the countertop staring into the he mirror. "I look awful today," she sighed.

Will chuckled, threading his arms through hers resting his hands on the swollen bump at her middle. He'd never get over how perfect she was with her round belly carrying his child. "I think you are beautiful," he said, softly. He leaned closer placing a soft kiss to her neck.

She smiled, but rolled her eyes. "You always say that. And normally I believe it. But today I'm tired, my back still hurts, and I feel fat. It would be okay with me if this kid decided to make an appearance in the next few days." She sighed leaning back against him.

"Why don't you stay home today and rest?"

She turned to face him placing her arms around his neck. "No. I have a few things to tie up before she comes. And I'm sure I'll feel better once I've been up for awhile. I'm going to cheat today and have a very large cup of coffee. I'm sure one cup won't do her any harm. And her mother is tired of drinking juice while her father drinks coffee in front of us every morning. What happened to you cutting back while I was pregnant anyway?" she giggled.

He chuckled. "I tried. Remember?"

This caused her to laugh even more. "Uhhuh. That was some effort. Two whole days you lasted!"

She was absolutely right, and he couldn't deny it. "I'll make you some coffee after I get dressed." He kissed the top of her head and pulled away form her. "I'll be in court all morning. Don't overdo it. Make sure you come home if you're not feeling better in awhile."

She smiled and headed for the closet. "I'll be fine. You better hurry or you'll be late."

She peered over to him a few moments later. "And don't you dare call Diane on your way to court and tell her to keep an eye on me."

He chuckled reaching for a shirt. "I don't need to call her. We have an unspoken agreement that she keep an eye on you when I'm not around during these last few weeks." Alicia rolled her eyes as he slipped his arms into his shirt.

Just before he left he captured her in his embrace. "I love you," he said, pulling her as close as he could placing a kiss to her lips. "And I love you too little one," he pulled away, gently patting his hand on her stomach before returning to the closet to grab a tie.

"We love you too daddy," Alicia replied, heading back into the bathroom.

The pain in her back grew worse as the morning progressed. Shortly after arriving at work, she began to experience a contraction about every forty five minutes. No wonder she felt awful. She was probably in early labor. But if this pregnancy was anything like the others they still had hours before she'd really need to be at the hospital. Since they had everything they needed in Will's car, she decided to stay at work and wait for him to get a lunch break. The hospital was closer to work than their house anyway.

Late in the morning she was in Diane's office to go over a few of cases she'd be handling for Alicia while she was out. When she got up to leave she grabbed onto the back of the chair inhaling.

"Alicia, are you all right?" Diane asked, concerned.

Alicia exhaled, managing a smile. "Yes, I've had a few contractions this morning, nothing to worry about." She glanced at her watch. "Will should be finished soon, and we'll go to the hospital. It's just early labor pains. It always lasts for hours."

Diane was not convinced and went to stand next to her. "Early labor? Alicia, you should be headed for the hospital. Not here working."

Alicia mustered a smile. "Diane, its fine. Will knows, and the contractions are still very far apart. If they start to come closer together I'll go to the hospital. I'd rather be here than stuck in a hospital bed anyway."

"Okay, but I think you should go lie down. No more work. I'm officially putting you maternity leave right now."

Alicia chuckled. "Okay. But really there's nothing to worry about. The pain is gone now." She turned and headed back to her office.

She tried to relax, but being nine months pregnant made it nearly impossible to find a comfortable resting position. Thirty minutes later things began to take a turn for the worse. Her contractions were coming at more frequent intervals, and growing more painful. She sent a message to Will.

- I think you better come get me. Things are progressing quicker than I expected. If you're not here in fifteen minutes I'll have Diane take me to the hospital, and you can meet us there. I love you! -

A minute later he wrote her back.

- On my way. I love you too. -

She set her phone down, and decided she was thirsty. With the contractions coming closer together she knew she should probably stick to sucking on ice just in case something completely unexpected happened, and they had to rush her into surgery at the hospital.

She stood with the intentions of going on the hunt for some ice in the break room. As she stood she cried out in pain, doubling over grabbing onto the edge of her desk for support.

The pain in her back was excruciating. It felt like someone had stabbed a very sharp object into her. Her stomach tightened, and it felt as though a cluster of strong contractions hit her one right after the other. It took a few seconds for her to catch her breath. She inhaled as much air as she could as if she'd just been under water for too long.

Regaining some of her senses, trying to fight through the agonizing pain, she could feel a warm liquid on her inner thighs. Assuming her water had broken she moved the few steps back to the couch to sit down. She collapsed against the cushions crying out as the searing pain overtook her body again. Feeling more liquid on her thighs she reached a shaky hand to the small throw across the arm of the couch.

Hearing Alicia, Diane rushed in to see what was wrong. "Laura, call 911," she yelled to her assistant. Approaching Alicia, she took the throw out of her shaky hand, and did her best to place it under Alicia's legs.

Kalinda happened to be passing by the office at that moment and hurried in to help Diane. "Call Will, go find some towels, and close the door. No one else needs to see this," Diane said.

Tears streaming down her cheeks, Alicia grasped onto Diane's arm, inhaling and clenching her eyes shut as another contraction came on.

"I think my water broke," she gasped, when the contraction had passed. But as she opened her eyes and glanced down towards her legs, panic set in. Now she could see the red stained fabric of the couch and her dress.

She took in a breath of air, her eyes widened. "I'm bleeding!" she gasped in panic. "I need another towel!" Kalinda handed her one. Alicia pressed the towel in between her legs. Another contraction hit.

"The baby! We have to stop the bleeding!" Alicia cried. She tried to catch her breath again, but it was nearly impossible the pain was so great. Her body began to shiver.

The other two women were doing their best to help, and trying to keep her calm. Diane placed another pillow behind her back. "Alicia, the paramedics are on their way." Diane said, taking her hand into her own.

When another contraction had passed, Alicia lifted her hands that had been holding the towel in place. She inhaled, and was horrified by the sight of the blood that stained them. "I need to get the hospital," she breathed, attempting to calm down. She pulled her arm from Diane's grasp, and tried to shift to place her feet to the floor.

"Whoa Alicia," Diane put a firm hand to her shoulder to prevent her from standing. "We need to wait for the paramedics."

Pain stabbed through her body again. Her hands went to her stomach. "But the baby!" she sobbed, looking desperately at Diane. She tried to take in a few deep breaths. "Where's Will? I need Will." Fear and anxiety overtaking her, her body continued to shiver. She was quickly going into shock.

/

Will paused briefly, taking in a breath, a failed attempt at keeping tears from forming in his eyes. He took Alicia's hand into his. "Everything happened so fast. One minute I was on my way to the office to pick you up thinking we had hours until the baby would come, and three minutes later Kalinda called and said there was an emergency. I got there just as the paramedics did, and followed them into your office."

He looked away from her staring at the other side of the room. His thumb ran smoothly over her fingers. "At first I couldn't see anything. Diane, Kalinda, the paramedics, the gurney, was all in the way. But then Diane moved so they could get to you..."

He let out a breath shaking his head. "It's one thing to see photos from a crime scene, or victims from medical malpractice. But when I saw you I can't even describe the fear and anxiety that gripped me…I nearly passed out. There was blood on the floor, on the couch, all over your clothes, your hands. I didn't even have time to process it before they had you on the gurney and we were headed back out of your office. There was so much commotion no one seemed to know what had happened. It was infuriating because you were crying, and in pain. Diane looked as shocked as I felt, and the paramedics were busy doing their job, so couldn't really answer my questions until we were in the ambulance."

He looked back over to her. "I felt completely helpless. There was nothing I could do but hold your hand, try to comfort you, and at the same time hope desperately that once we got to the hospital the doctors could fix everything."

Alicia could see the anguish in his eyes, and it gripped her heart. She put her arm around his shoulder. "I can't even imagine," she said. "It's terrifying just hearing about it. What had happened next? Why was I bleeding?"

"We didn't know for sure at that point." Will continued.

/

He held a firm grasp on Alicia's hand in the ambulance. Tears continued to silently stream down her cheeks as the paramedics ran an IV, tried to get her bleeding under control, and began attempting to monitor the baby.

Her grip tightened on his hand, her breath caught, as another contraction hit.

"Just try to breathe Leesh." He lifted his hand to brush back the loose strands of her hair behind her ear, doing his best to remain calm. He'd done his best to block out his own emotions to focus on her.

"I can't," she said out of breath, turning her head towards him grasping onto his shirt. "It hurts too much! Why is this happening?"

He brought his face closer to hers. "I don't know, but we're almost there. Just hang on Leesh," he said, encouragingly.

"The baby," she cried. "I haven't felt her move for awhile." More tears spilled from her eyes as she glanced down towards her stomach where one of the paramedics continued to monitor the baby's vital signs.

Will looked at one of them. "How's the baby?" he tried to ask calmly.

Just then, Alicia started gasping for air.

"Will! I can't...breathe." One of the paramedics immediately placed an oxygen mask over her face as her eyes closed.

Fear streamed through him. "What's happening to her? Why can't she breathe?"

The paramedics continued to work on her, doing their best to keep her stable. "Sir, with this much blood loss, she's probably had a placental abruption. But there's no way to know for sure until the doctors can get a good look at her."

"Abruption? What does that mean?" He glanced back at Alicia whose eyes remained shut. Her grasp on his arm was lessening. "Alicia," he called. She didn't respond. He looked back to the paramedics who were still busily working. "She isn't responding to me. Why won't she open her eyes?"

As he asked the question, one of the other two men radioed into the hospital. "Get an OR ready. Possible emergency c-section. ETA in two minutes.

Everything seemed to be turning upside down right before his eyes. "What do you mean emergency c-section?" He felt like he was losing more and more control with every passing minute.

"Sir, it's not our place to make a diagnosis. But with the amount of blood your wife has lost, they're most likely going to have to open her up in order to stop it, and we're having difficulty reading vital signs on the baby. They need to get the baby out as soon as possible."

He felt sick. It hadn't occurred to him until that moment that the baby might not make it. His heart was racing, sweat formed on his brow.

One of the two men looked at Will. "Your wife just said it had been awhile since she felt the baby kick. Do you know if she felt the baby move at all this morning?"

"Yes. I felt her kick this morning around seven when I had my hand on my wife's stomach. I don't know after that."

They made a note of it as the ambulance pulled into the hospital.

They rushed Alicia right into surgery. Will tried to follow, but was stopped just outside the double doors that led to the surgery wing. He wasn't allowed past that point. A nurse with a sympathetic smile on her face showed him to one of the surgery waiting rooms. She asked him if he needed anything, and told him a doctor would be in to talk to him as soon as they knew anything. After she left, he put his face in his hands and began to wait.

/

Alicia put her hand on her chest. "That's awful Will." Her heart ached for both of them.

He looked into her eyes. "It was. At that point I still didn't know for certain what had happened to cause the bleeding in the first place. I was upset because I couldn't be in the room with you, and I was going to miss Kate's birth. The hardest part was not knowing what was happening with you or the baby. Waiting in that room for the next hour, was the longest of my entire life."

"An hour?" she questioned, with raised brow.

"Yeah," he looked away. A few tears escaped his eyes. She scooted closer to him, wrapping her arm around his pulling him closer. He gently ran his fingers through hers. He had to swallow hard before he continued. "My parents got there about twenty minutes later. Diane had called them and Owen. Owen got there a few minutes before the doctor came out of surgery.

His saddened expression continued as more tears trickled down his cheeks. His grasp on her hand tightened. "The doctor confirmed you'd had a complete placental abruption. He said you'd lost a lot of blood. They had to pump three units back into you due to the abruption and hemorrhaging. There had been a lot of damage to your uterus."

He looked back into her eyes, and her heart wanted to break from the look of complete heartache in his expression. "He said we were lucky you had even survived, but at that point the other surgeon was finishing up some stitching, and then you'd be moved to recovery."

He let out a breath of air, choking up. "Then he said, "I'm sorry to have to tell you that your daughter didn't make it. She was stillborn."

Alicia placed a gentle hand to his chest. Tears were making their way down her cheeks.

"I felt sick, like the world was collapsing around me. My mother was standing right next to me. I heard her gasp, but it seemed like she was a mile away. I just stared at the doctor as he continued. He said that once they got her out of the womb they had tried for several minutes to revive her, but…there was nothing they could do. I remember my father helping me into a chair. I must have acted like I was going to pass out. I just sat there hardly able to believe what I'd just heard – not wanting to believe what I'd just heard. She never even took in one breath of air."

More tears fell from his eyes, as well as Alicia's. "Awhile later, after they had moved you to recovery, one of the nurses came into the private waiting room they'd moved us to. By then Diane had come, and your mother was on her way. The nurse asked if I wanted to see Kate. I felt numb. I could barely move. I hadn't said a word since the doctor had left us twenty minutes before. I just nodded my head. A few minutes later she brought the baby into the room all bundled up and placed her in my arms."

His red swollen eyes met Alicia's again. "She was perfect," he whispered. "She looked like she was sleeping, her eyes shut, her tiny little nose. She had soft brown hair the color of yours on top of her head. The nurses had put a little pink bow in it."

He shook his head, clearing his throat. "Once she was in my arms, I couldn't hold my emotions in any longer, no matter how much I wanted to. I sat there holding her, tears streaming down my face. All I could think was that it wasn't real." He blew out a breath of air. "I'm sure everyone in the room was crying. But I was too lost in my own sorrow to pay attention. Eventually I handed her to my mother and the three other adults in the room all had a chance to see her before the nurse came and took her away again."

They were both in tears. Alicia reached to the nightstand for some Kleenex for both of them. After wiping away their tears, Will reached into the keepsake box again. "This is her death certificate."

"Six pounds eleven ounces, nineteen inches long," she said out loud.

"Yes. She was a perfectly healthy weight and height for a newborn. The whole thing was just a horrible random incident."

He reached into the box again. "This is the footprint impression they did of her. This is her hospital band, and this is the blanket they had her wrapped up in until they took her to the morgue." He handed Alicia the white piece of paper with two tiny ink print foot impressions on it, the hospital band that had Kate's name on it, and a soft pink flannel blanket.

"It's so little. The size of a quarter," she said, lifting the hospital band in her fingers. He nodded. "And this blanket looks handmade. It's beautiful." Alicia commented unfolding the blanket onto her lap.

"It probably was. It was one that was donated to the hospital to be used in circumstances like ours."

He reached back into the box as Alicia folded the blanket back up. "Here, you might recognize this." He pulled out a soft stuffed rabbit.

Her hand moved to her mouth. "That was mine." She took the slightly worn stuffed toy with floppy ears from his hands, running her fingers over the soft white fur.

He smiled. "Yes. You had saved that and a few other things from when you were little for the kids. You had convinced Grace that the rabbit could be Kate's since Grace had a doll, and a stuffed bear that had been yours." He could see how happy seeing the rabbit had made her.

She shook her head looking back over to him, setting the rabbit down on her lap. He took her hand again. "Of everything that happened that day, the worst part was when I had to tell you that she had died. I don't think I've ever been more torn apart than I was in that moment. That…was by far the most difficult thing I've ever had to do."

/

Will sat next to her bed in the ICU. She was being monitored closely due to the amount of blood loss she'd sustained and to make sure she didn't have any further hemorrhaging. It felt like he'd been sitting there for an eternity watching her move in and out of sleep with only a few flutters of her eyes, and moans of pain.

During the previous hour he'd been over what he'd say to her a thousand times in his head, but there was nothing he could say to her that would make this any less painful than it was.

Her hand moved a little in his. He watched as she blinked her eyes trying to get them to focus. He breathed a long sigh of relief when she turned her head towards him, and her eyes met his. He could feel himself becoming emotional again. He'd almost lost her in the ordeal. He couldn't imagine what it would have been like if she hadn't pulled through.

"Hi," he said quietly, tightening his grasp on her hand.

"Will," she said, groggily.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

She continued to stare at him trying to get her body to wake up some more, and her mind to clear from the medicated fog. "It hurts…everywhere," she whispered. "What happened?" she asked, slightly confused.

He explained how she'd blacked out in the ambulance, and the rush into surgery.

"You're in the ICU now. But you're going to be fine. I'll have the doctor get you something for the pain." His hand moved gently over her face. She closed her eyes again for a few moments, and then slowly opened them meeting his gaze.

"Will," she said groggily. "The baby. I want to see her."

In that moment he felt like he'd rather die than have to tell her the devastating truth. She looked so pale and yet so absolutely beautiful in that moment. He knew what he was about to say would crush her. He hated that he'd have to watch the woman he loved be tormented with the news.

He moved to sit on the edge of bed, her hand still in his. The moment the words spilt from his mouth, would be etched in his mind forever. "Leesh…" he swallowed hard the enormous lump in his throat, and squeezed her hand, but failed at keeping a few tears from escaping his eyes. "She didn't make it. They tried to revive her…But they couldn't….she was stillborn."

She inhaled, her hand moved to her mouth as she shook her head in disbelief. "No," Tears spilled from her eyes, her head moved slowly from side to side. "But the paramedics, they came. It was only a few minutes." She inhaled again, her body began to shake. The desperate, heart stricken look on her face tore him to pieces. "The doctors they were supposed to save her, not me." Her whimpers turned to sobs.

Emotions overpowered him again. He could barely handle the idea that she didn't feel like she had deserved to live. He moved as close as he could to her. She buried her face into his chest, holding onto him with a death grip. "No Will. No." He held her in his arms as best he could, as they shared in each others tears and sorrow.

Sometime later, she pulled back a bit, leaning against the pillows again. She was angry at all the tubes still attached to her. She wanted to be free so she could be better held in his embrace. "I want to see her," she said, in a mere whisper, her weak shaking hand wiping at her tears.

His hand moved to her face. He brushed back the loose tangled strands of her hair behind her ears, and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. "I'll tell them to bring her in."

He held his gaze on her. "Leesh, I know this is hard. I can barely breathe when I think about it. But remember how much I love you. We'll get through this. It will take time, but we'll get through it. I promise." He felt weak and helpless, but he wanted her to know he was there for her.

/

Will and Alicia's eyes were moist again. Telling her what had happened had been emotionally draining on him. She sat up some against the pillows of their bed. He rested his head on her shoulder, as her fingers ran soothingly through his hair. She may not be able to remember any of it, but she could try and comfort him now. They sat in silence for a few minutes before he reached into the box and pulled out the photo album. Kate's name was etched in silver writing across the top.

He opened the book, and a few more tears escaped his eyes.

Alicia took in a breath of air at seeing the first photo of the baby. "She was beautiful Will," she said, running a finger over the image. She looked up at him. "She had your ears," Alicia said, with a little smile curved on her lips.

"Well that's about all she got from me. She looked so much like you, especially her lips," he smiled over to her. "She looked a lot like Grace did as a baby."

Alicia began to thumb through the pages. Some of the photos were in color, others in black and white. She took a few moments to look at each page, and paused when she got to the photo of him holding the baby. It broke her heart to see it. She couldn't even begin to imagine how devastating this had been. "Your mother got some really good shots of her. She was so small. Look at her in your arms," she commented softly.

"Yes, even at full term." He turned the page again, to reveal some photos of Kate's hands and feet next his mothers for size comparison.

He shook his head as they got the last page. It was a black and white image of the three of them. The baby in her arms, their foreheads pressed to each other looking down at her. The tears on their cheeks were visible in the photo.

Alicia inhaled placing her hand over her chest. Just looking at the photo, knowing what it was seemed to speak to how devastating those long minutes must have been.

She got choked up again. "This is the best one, and also the most heartbreaking,"

He nodded, reaching his hand to the edge of the book. "It is. It's also the last one my mother took before I got upset with her."

He inhaled trying to keep the tears in again, but failed. "When the nurse brought her in for you to hold, it felt like my heart had been ripped right out. You held her to your chest just sobbing, and I couldn't do anything to make it better. I sat next to you as best I could. We held her and cried until it seemed like there couldn't possibly be any more tears."

He sighed heavily. "Eventually, it was time for them to take her to the morgue. We knew we had to let her go, but you didn't want to. After I got her out of your arms, it took all the strength I had left to keep you in that bed so you wouldn't tear out any of the stitches, and cause the bleeding to start again. I just wrapped you up in my arms as best I could and let you cry. Eventually you fell asleep. Sleep became the only respite from the pain for both of us for a few weeks."

He inhaled trying to regain control of his emotions. This had been more difficult for him than he thought it would be. Somehow voicing the events of that day was much more painful than thinking about it.

Alicia leaned closer placing her hands on his cheeks, tears still falling from her own eyes. She gently brushed away his tears with her thumbs, and then pressed a soft kiss to his forehead. He reached his arms around her embracing her into a hug.

They remained silent for a few moments. It was devastating to hear what had gone on. Her heart ached for Will. At that moment she wished she could remember any part of it, thinking she'd be able to better share in his grief.

A few minutes later Alicia looked back down at the open book in her lap. The things they'd been through, the things he'd obviously had to endure on her behalf, were enormous, and a true testament to the kind of man he was. But he was always this way it seemed, more concerned about her and her feelings than his own. She wondered when it was his turn to be taken care of. When was it his turn for his emotions to come before hers? She'd consciously tried over the past few months to be attentive to him, help him know she cared, and loved him. She just hoped she'd always been that way. That he hadn't always been the one being the giver, and her the receiver.

"Why did it happen?" she questioned. "There must have been a reason for the abruption. I must have done something that caused it." All of a sudden she felt horribly guilty.

He took the book out of her hands, and set it aside. "No Alicia. It wasn't your fault, and I don't want you believe for one minute that it was. No one really knows the cause for placental abruptions. There are risk factors that can affect the possibility of one, but you didn't have any of them. It's just something that happens sometimes. There was nothing you or anyone else could have done to prevent it." He wanted to make sure she believed him. The last thing he wanted was for her to believe it had been her fault all over again and feel guilty about it.

He could tell she wasn't completely convinced. He shifted to face her, placing his hands on her shoulders. "Leesh, it wasn't your fault, okay? I promise."

Her lips curved into a smile. "Okay," she said, quietly. "Thank you for telling me all of this, and for showing me her things."

He pulled her close. Her head rested against his chest. "You're welcome." Silence filled the room. Their conversation had been helpful in allowing Alicia to better understand their reasons for preventing future pregnancies, but it hadn't done much to improve her spirits.

He was glad she knew once again what had gone on, but it was difficult for him to feel some of the emotions attached to Kate's death again. The months following her death, had almost been more difficult than her death itself.

The dampened mood in the room was almost palpable. After a few long moments later, she looked back up at him. He pressed his forehead to hers with a gentle smile.

"Are you going to be okay?" he asked. "I mean about our decision."

"Yes," she said, quietly. "What about you? That was all very enlightening, but awfully depressing."

He smiled. "I'm fine. It's difficult for me to talk about. But with things like this, it's easier for me if you understand and know about it."

Their eyes remained on each other. Finding comfort in being near her, he pressed a soft kiss to her lips. When he pulled back her eyes remained on his. Their faces just inches apart, his gaze moved from her eyes to her lips, then back to her eyes.

She slowly closed the short distance between them and pressed her lips to his with more intensity, her hands moving to his back pulling him closer. They both needed an emotional outlet.

The kiss lingered. His hands moved slowly to the hem of her shirt. She broke the kiss as he lifted her shirt over her head, their eyes remaining on each other. Without saying a word she watched as he removed his shirt, and then as his hands moved behind her back unclasping her bra.

Moments later, he gently laid her on her back. The only sound that could be heard in the room was their breathing as he pressed his lips along her body. She watched him intently, a few moans escaping her mouth, as his lips trailed from her neck to her breasts, and down her abdomen. He paused briefly looking back up at her before touching softly the scar on her stomach, and then pressed a few fluttering kisses to the same spot.

Tonight their love making wasn't about a burning physical desire like it had been earlier in the day. This was about comfort. This was about emotionally connecting to one another. It was about continued healing over a tragedy, and easing the pain of what had been lost to both of them - their daughter, and Alicia's aching sadness over the possibility of never remembering it.

After kissing her scar, he slowly moved to place his lips to hers again. They took things slowly at first, touching, kissing, finding comfort in the nearness of each other.

After some time, he gently pressed her hands against the mattress lacing his fingers through hers, and slowly lowered himself onto her.

Their bodies moved together, with the increase of their breaths. Moments later, she untangled her hands from his so she could run her fingers through his hair. As their pace increased her hands moved down his back. Their eyes remaining on each other, she reached one hand to his cheek. A loving smile formed on her lips just as her back arched, falling over the edge, taking him with her.

Shortly after, her arm reached around his neck, as he settled his head on her chest. They lay there in silence for a few more minutes. Her hand ran soothing circles over his back. Having found comfort and solace in what they'd just done, she finally spoke up. "I love you Will."

"I love you too," he breathed, his head remained cradled against her.