A/N: This is a continuation of the previous chapter. I would have uploaded them together, but I wasn't sure how long this would take to write and I wanted to get something up in case this took ages. This chapter is the chapter that points to progress for Meredith and Derek, though maybe not directly. But the events of this night leave the door wide open for them. Hopefully it comes across the way it is meant to. The next chapter will be back to the MerDer of it all. Thanks, as always, for reading. :-)
The car was deathly silent, all three occupants seeming more than happy to follow the unwritten rule to not speak.
Meredith sat perfectly still, staring out the window into the night, watching the street lights as they glowed through the rain. She unconsciously flipped her watch around her wrist, back and forward, back and forward. Her hands shook, though whether it was from nerves or the fact that she was drenched was hard to tell, maybe a combination of both. Parents argued with their children all the time. It was a natural part of life, perhaps a natural part of any relationship. To be able to disagree and yet still love the person, still respect them. Only there was nothing natural about her relationship with her father, there was no respect there. To her, she would always see him as the father to a 6 year old girl, not the 24-year old woman she had become. Meredith had never learnt how to confront him on something, how to challenge him. She could air her feelings to Derek without worrying about his reaction. They had fought over the years, but they always sorted it out, their friendship still as strong as ever, maybe even stronger because of it. Meredith could argue with Amy Shepherd when she felt she was being unreasonable or unfair. And she had, numerous times. Amy was her surrogate mother, scolding her when she thought it was relevant. Their relationship was close enough to withstand the rare quarrel. But the anger that Meredith felt towards Thatcher was in a league of its own. It whirled and swelled inside her, a dam waiting to burst. This was the biggest thing she had ever faced in her lifetime, perhaps the thing that had shaped who she was. This confrontation would now shape who she could become, and that thought made her nervous. Nervous and furious that it was necessary at all.
Derek watched as Meredith fiddled with her watch, her eyes glazed over, unreadable. He had a bad feeling about this. It wasn't that Meredith wasn't strong, she was one of the strongest people he knew. No, he was worried that this was a big mistake. He realized that this was of significance for Meredith, that is was something she needed to do. He wasn't sure he knew why she was so adamant that they turn back, but just the fact that she had recognized it was important, that she had acted on that impressed him immensely. In a few short days she had gone from being someone who wasn't willing to place the blame where it belonged, to a person who was now on her way to make the move that would either make or break her. It was the break option that had him worried. He was worried that Thatcher would say something that would reverse every bit of progress Meredith had made. He sat there silently, watching her out of the corner of his eye, fighting back the urge to tell Alex to turn back.
Alex steered the car carefully through the slick streets, the moonlight shimmering brilliantly on the pavement. He liked Meredith. Truth be told, he had been determined to like her simply because he despised what Thatcher had done. But from the time he had met Meredith he had felt an affinity to her. Both of them had father's that had walked out on them, though his father had left his mother for alcohol rather than another woman. Still, it had hurt and although he held Meredith's father in contempt for the lie he had told, and what he had done to his daughter, Alex did appreciate the fact that Thatcher truly loved his mother. He made her happy. To Alex, lying in any form was unacceptable. But to continue on with a lie that hurt so many people really put his back up. From the time he had heard Meredith had accepted her invitation to the wedding, he had known what he would do. Organising the meeting between Ida and Meredith had been his way of righting a wrong, or at least part of it. Ida was a tough old woman who had earned Alex's respect and admiration from their very first meeting. When he had realized that she didn't know her grandaughter would be arriving he had called her up and told her, informing her of the plan for Meredith and Derek to stay Thatcher and Alice's. Thatcher was still a little pissed that Alex had interfered, but Alex couldn't give a shit. Both of them had had a right to know, and no one else had seemed to be doing anything about it.
Alex glanced in the mirror, the tension in the car was reaching unbelievable heights. The worry coming from the backseat seemed to fit his own. Meredith had wanted, or needed, to turn back and he respected her decision. If he had the opportunity to lay things out for his father, he'd take it. He wouldn't deny Meredith that same chance. The last thing he had seen back at Thatcher's, before he leapt in the car, was Ida confronting her son. Izzie had disappeared into the house, later coming out laden with bags and tossing them at his feet before running to get some towels. The guests had deemed it appropriate to depart, most of them getting ready to leave as they had taken in the uncomfortable situation. And Ida had made her way across the lawn, her pale blue eyes burning.
"What have you done?" Ida asked, standing in front of her son. "Dear god, what have you done?"
"Not now, Mother." Thatcher snapped, his face pale.
"You had to know she would find out. Why didn't you tell her? I told you that she had to hear it from you!" Ida replied, her tone both furious and desperate.
"So everyone told me." Thatcher said resentfully, glancing down at Meredith's shoes still laying on the grass where she had removed them.
"So help me, if I lose that girl again because of you..." Ida said quietly, though firmly.
"I can't deal with this now." Thatcher replied, his voice full of steel.
"No, you never could. That was your problem." Ida snapped. "You've avoided this issue for nearly two decades! When were you planning on dealing with it?"
"It's my life, my problem." Thatcher bit out, running his hands through his hair. "It has nothing to do with you!"
"Your decision affected everyone, Thatcher. You, me, Meredith, George...you have to take responsibility for your actions." Ida informed him tightly, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "She was hurt more than was necessary. My grandaughter ran away because you didn't have the decency to tell her yourself. Your father would have been ashamed of you."
"Ida, maybe this isn't the time..." Alice intervened quietly, placing a calming hand on Thatcher's arm.
"You condone this, what he's done?" Ida asked incredulously.
"No. Of course not. But people make mistakes." Alice replied anxiously. "You two fighting over this is not going to help."
"She's gone." Ida pointed out. "She's left, Alice. At this point, nothing helps."
She gave her son a look of utter disappointment before she turned to walk slowly into the house."
Alex let the recent memory fade into the distance as he turned the car into the driveway, the rain still pelting down onto the windscreen. He pulled the car as close as possible to the house and turned off the ignition, sitting there silently for a moment before he spoke.
"We're here." He said quietly.
Derek looked up, seeming to notice for the first time that they had arrived. He turned to look at Meredith, gently touching her on the arm. "Mer?"
"I'm ready." She said quietly, undoing her seat belt.
"Look, take the keys." Alex said firmly. "When you're done here, drive yourself to a hotel. I'll pick the car up in the morning."
Derek nodded, reaching into the front and grasping hold of the keys dangling from Alex's finger.
"I'm coming in." Derek informed Meredith, leaning back and watching her closely, his voice not allowing for any argument.
"Yes." She said simply, her voice sounding strained. "You are."
Derek merely nodded, releasing the clasp on his own seat belt and opening the door.
All three figures dashed towards the house, their feet pounding up the porch steps in unison as they ran from the rain. Alex hastily wiped his feet on the welcome mat before pushing open the front door, holding it open and waiting for both Meredith and Derek to walk inside before following after them, the door clanging shut behind him.
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They entered the kitchen to find Thatcher, Alice, and Izzie all sitting at the kitchen table. Izzie was sitting with her head in her hands, while Thatcher and Alice sat quietly, neither one saying a word. All three of them looked up as the door opened, Alice's face turning to one of surprise.
"Meredith." She murmured softly, her face filling with silent relief.
"Oh my god, you guys are soaking!" Izzie said, pushing her chair back and standing up.
"Can I get you something?" Alice asked awkwardly. "Hot coffee or...something?"
"No. Thank you." Meredith replied stiffly, her eyes never straying from her father's. Any nerves she had felt melted away as she stared at him, instead the anger fully consuming her. He had taken so much from her, her childhood, her grandmother, her belief that she was worth something...and now he was succeeding in taking away her ability to tell the man she loved exactly how she felt. A man who stood beside her always, his constant strength there whenever she needed it. She wouldn't let him take Derek from her too, she couldn't.
Thatcher looked back at her, taking a quick indrawn breath, his expression veiled.
"Meredith..." Alice began, taking note of the look on Meredith's face.
"Mom." Alex interrupted sharply, shaking his head.
Alice closed her mouth and looked at him in surprise. Without speaking, Alex gave a subtle jerk of his head, his eyes clashing with Izzie's and motioning her out of the room. Izzie took one last look at Thatcher and Meredith before she nodded and left the kitchen. Alice went to protest, motioning towards Thatcher but Alex gently took hold of her arm and led her from the room, acknowledging the look of gratitude from Derek with a small nod before he closed the door behind them.
"Why?" Meredith asked, her voice wavering a little, from either anger or suppressed emotions.
"I take it you are staying?" Thatcher asked Derek, using every opportunity to avoid her question.
"Yes." Derek replied, his voice rigid. "Answer her question."
"Meredith..." Thatcher sighed, leaning his elbows on the table. "I had a choice to make."
"You had an affair." Meredith said flatly.
"Yes."
"You had an affair. You had another child. And you left."
"Meredith...she was pregnant. I loved her, I couldn't just..." Thatcher replied.
"Where is he?" Meredith interrupted. "My...brother. Where is he?"
"He visits his mother's parents every year." Thatcher informed her. "He's in San Francisco. He went early this year because...well, the wedding and...he's away."
"Does he know about me?" Meredith asked quietly, shivering a little in her damp clothes.
"No." Thatcher replied. "I didn't feel it was necessary."
Meredith closed her eyes. She had a brother, a baby brother. Who didn't even know she existed. She had always envied the relationship Derek had with his sisters. Oh, they annoyed him no end, but he loved them. Each and every one of them gave him something, added something to his life. He watched out for them and they returned the favor. Now she found out that she had a brother, something she never thought she would have. And he knew nothing about her. She let the wave of pain wash over her before the anger returned once more. It was just yet another example of something her father had taken from her.
"You left me for him." She said biting her lip.
"It wasn't easy." Thatcher replied, his voice rising. "It's not something I'm proud of, but I did what I had to do."
"Bullshit." Derek muttered under his breath, his own anger bubbling to the surface.
Thatcher turned his head to glare at Derek, his face red with annoyance. "Look, when I found out she was pregnant, I had to make a choice. Your mother wanted me to make it a clean choice. Him or you. That was the ultimatum. I couldn't have both, and I loved Louise and she was carrying my child."
"You could have fought for me!" Meredith cried out angrily. "You had rights. You could have fought for me and you didn't!"
"Do you think I made the decision lightly?" Thatcher asked, his eyes flashing. "Do you think it was easy for me?"
"Do you think it was easy for me, watching you walk out and learning that you were never coming back? Do you think I didn't notice the way my mother's attitude towards me changed after that night? That my family collapsed around me because of you?" Meredith shouted, anger taking hold of her and sweeping her away. "You walked out on me, and you hide behind the fact that you had to make a choice. A choice you didn't even have to make. Derek's right, you're nothing more than a coward!"
"I am still your father, and a member of my family will not speak to me like that." Thatcher said, his eyes narrowing in his pale face.
Something clicked inside Meredith, like a puzzle it all fell into place. She thought of Peter Shepherd, the man that had died with his family around him, holding his hands as he slipped away. The man that had screened her boyfriends, telling her when he didn't think they were good enough for her. He had yelled when he found out that she had stayed out all night partying, with only a girlfriend for company. He had given her a lecture on what could happen to her if she wasn't more careful, yelling at her until she had cried and then he had taken her in his arms, whispering that he wanted to take care of her, but she had to meet him halfway. The man hadn't been related to her at all and yet he had taken an interest, watching over her even from a distance, treating her as one of his own. Thatcher hadn't contacted her in any way since she was 6 years old, instead seeming to put her to the back of his mind as he concentrated on living his life the way he wanted. He was nothing more than a sperm donor. Yes, something definitely clicked, and she felt lighter all of a sudden. It wasn't about her. It had never been about her. At such a young age there was nothing she could possibly have done to make him leave. It was on him. All of it. The circumstances that had changed her life were not of her own making. The blame lay with him, squarely on his shoulders. He had chosen wrong, taken the easy way out.
"You're not my father." Meredith said quietly, her voice angry and determined. "You lost that right the minute you left. I thought it was me. All this time, all these years I thought it was me. But it wasn't, it was you. All of this is on you! I was nothing more than your plaything, something you got tired of. I never changed, you did! Years, I've spent years wondering what I did, what was so wrong with me that you had to leave. You've affected everything that happened in my life, every decision."
Meredith took a deep breath as hot, angry tears pricked her eyes. "You're not my family, not my real family. There's more than one type of family, and I have Derek, and Cristina, and Mark and...Derek's family. I have a family, a great family. I have people who love me for who I am, who care about me, faults and all. I realize that I'm lucky. And I don't need you. For years I took on the responsibility that should have been yours, and now I'm giving it back."
Meredith turned her back on him, closing her eyes for a split second before she straightened and headed for the door, her feet seeming to feel lighter with every step. She had taken her burden and given it away to its rightful owner. Derek reached for her hand, laced his fingers with hers and walked out with her, squeezing her hand gently as she wiped away tears with her free hand.
It seemed to be a repeat of the night 18 years ago that had led them all to this moment, but this time it was Thatcher who watched as his daughter walked away from him, leaving him behind as she stepped out into the rain.
