So I haven't really been inspired to write for this series for a while. But, I was reading back through some of stories and found my muse again. I'm a little rusty after not writing humor for almost two months, but I should get better in no time. Thanks to everyone who reads and reviews!

Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin.

Arthur slowly awakened, groaning as he realized how hard his head was pounding and how loud the ringing in his ears was. He squeezed his eyes shut even more tightly, trying to block out all the light. He willed his hangover to go away. It didn't work.

Arthur rolled over to his side, his stomach churning in the process. He should have let Gwaine talk him into having an informal party last night. Gwaine had said something about celebrating the fact they weren't captured on their last patrol. Apparently, that was enough to celebrate. But the man had brought the tavern with him! How did he even afford so much mead and wine in the first place? Arthur wouldn't be surprised if Gwaine had told the tavern owner that Arthur would pay the bill.

Gods! How much did Arthur have to drink last night? The entire thing was rather a blur. Actually, come to think of it, Arthur couldn't remember anything. That was even more worrisome. What if he had done something stupid like knighted Izzy or made it illegal to eat meat? He had to do damage control right now.

After a few more deep breaths, Arthur felt a little better. The ringing in his ears had started to dissipate some and his stomach had stopped doing somersaults. It was then that he heard some snoring coming from the room. Did Merlin stay the night? It wasn't uncommon for the servant to sleep in a chair or in front of the fireplace after one of their binges. Merlin wasn't very good drunk and often wouldn't be able to make it back to his room after a few drinks. And since Arthur didn't feel like dragging him back, Merlin stayed here. But Merlin didn't snore. Did one of his knights stay over?

Now that was a little more unacceptable. His knights were grown men, perfectly capable of taking care of themselves. There was no reason to look after their drunk asses. Not that Arthur was obliged to look after Merlin. Well, he kind of was, since Merlin was his responsibility. But in a strictly professional manner! Not in a 'we are friends and Merlin is essentially a defenseless puppy so I kind of have to make sure he doesn't die' manner. Even if that was the case.
Wait, what was Arthur thinking about again? Oh, right, who was snoring? The puzzle only became more confusing as Arthur felt someone shift next to him. In his bed. Arthur's eyes flew open, only to slam back shut as the light hit them. No one was allowed in his bed. Not even Merlin. Though he did spend one night in it because he was sick—Arthur was getting off topic again. There was somebody in his bed. This couldn't be allowed.

Arthur took a few more deep breaths, ready to face whoever decided that the king's bed was a good place to nap. He slowly opened his eyes, hating the light once more. Arthur steeled his resolve and put on his best angry face. It was time for him to tell Merlin off. He knew better than this. He whipped around, and promptly let out a very manly scream as soon as he laid eyes on his bedmate. The very manly scream happened to wake his bedmate, which happened to be Leon, who fell off the bed upon hearing said manly scream.

"Leon? What the hell?" Arthur cried. Leon sat up with wide eyes. His mouth opened and closed several times, trying to make sense of this turn of evens.

"I-this-oh gods," Leon stuttered as he took in his state.

"Where are your clothes?" Arthur squeaked. Indeed, Leon was sitting upon Arthur's bed, wearing nothing but underwear, small underwear too.

"Where are my clothes? Why am I not wearing any clothes?" Leon gasped. He began scrambling around, crawling under the bed and digging through some trash on the floor. Arthur quickly looked away. He did not need to be looking at his senior knight's half naked form. His eyes widened upon seeing a priceless tapestry torn to shreds.

"What the hell happened?" Arthur roared once more.

"Can you two lovebirds please be quiet? I got a hangover the size of Mercia here and I don't need screeching this early in the morning," Gwaine's voice called out.

"I think it's closer to noon," Elyan groaned. It was then that Arthur noticed the rest of his knights sprawled out on the floor. Percival was huddled under the window, a pillow was clamped around his head. Elyan was sitting in Arthur's chair, rubbing his eyes. And Gwaine was sprawled out in front of Arthur's fireplace, one arm thrown over his eyes and the other holding tightly to a blanket.

"Nothing happened last night Gwaine," Arthur said. Gwaine let out a huff of amusement.

"Arthur is still fully dressed. I appear to be the only one without clothing. Why am I the only one without clothing? Can someone please explain to me what happened last night?" Leon said, still crawling around the floor in an attempt to find at least one article to cover himself up with.

"What the hell did happen last night?" Elyan asked as he slowly stood up.

"No earthly clue," Gwaine groaned. Percival grunted in agreement.

"If Gwaine can't remember, then we must have drank a lot," Leon said.

"Well, where's Merlin?" Arthur asked. Perhaps his manservant could fill them in on why no one was in their own places of residence. The other knights looked around the room, and saw no familiar mop of raven hair.

"No idea. Seriously guys, I want to wear something. I'm feeling exposed," Leon groaned. Arthur stood up and stretched. He still felt completely miserable. It didn't help that at that moment the door burst open, causing everyone to groan and wince in unison.

"Good morning!" Merlin's loud voice sang. Was it always this high-pitched? Arthur thought to himself as he turned to see a very cheerful manservant who had apparently not drunk at all last night.

Merlin made his way over to the table with a tray of what Arthur assumed was supposed to be his breakfast. Arthur was about to berate Merlin for not waking them up until after noon when he noticed Merlin wincing and massaging his shoulder. He caught Arthur staring and gave him a cheery wave.

"I brought food!" Merlin sang. How was it possible for him to get even more annoying? Still, Arthur and the other knights slowly made their way to the table. Arthur's stomach revolted at the smell.

"What the hell is this?" Gwaine groaned, backing away from the putrid dish.

"Cheese, bacon, bacon-fried eggs, pickled eggs, pickles, and to wash it down, more mead!" Merlin cried happily. Everyone groaned and back away from the table. Merlin gave another cheery smile and sat down. He picked up a fork and started munching on the pickles.

"Why are you punishing us?" Percival moaned. He had retreated back underneath his pillow.

"Because you are all awful when you drink. I hate dealing with you guys," Merlin said cheerfully.

"How much did you drink last night?" Leon inquired as he splashed some water on his face. He continued the search for his clothing once more.

"I didn't. And you threw your clothing down to the courtyard. Look, you can see your trousers from here," Merlin said, gesturing to the window. Leon rushed over. Sure enough, his trousers, shirt, and boots were flung around the courtyard, tossed out without a care.

"Why are they down there?" Leon asked.

"I actually do need to tell you about last night, for the council meeting," Merlin said sheepishly. Immediately, all eyes were on him. Merlin smiled and rubbed the back of his neck.

"What happened last night that the council needs to talk about it? Did I legalize magic or something?" Arthur asked. The council couldn't technically do anything to Arthur, but they could do something to his knights.

"I'll tell you, but you can't interrupt me, no matter how much you want to," Merlin said, finishing off the pickles and moving onto the bacon.

"Why?" Gwaine asked.

"Because, I don't really want to start and stop. Just wait till the end, okay?" Merlin said, smiling at the group of men. They all nodded and sat down. Arthur really wanted to ask why Merlin appeared to be so stiff and was favoring his left side, but knowing Merlin, he would just brush it off. So, Arthur made himself keep his mouth shut and listen to how the story played out.

oOoOoOo

"I think that this is the best idea I have ever had!" Gwaine cried, emptying another flask of mead into his stomach. Percival giggled and sank down onto the floor.

"Guyguysgusy!" Elyan cried. "What if, instead of riding horses, we rode giant squirrels!" he said proudly. Merlin rolled his eyes and went to collect some of the empty mugs that had been lying around.

"Merlin, darling," Gwaine called to the servant, blowing him a kiss. "Why don't you sit down and let me work my magic on you." Merlin rolled his eyes again.

"Sorry, Gwaine. You're not my type," he responded.

"I'm everyone's type, Merls. I can make you feel things…"

"Please quite flirting with my manservant, Sir Gwaine," Arthur snarled from across the room.

"Oh, princess is jealous," Gwaine sniggered. "Don't worry, Merlin baby, I can take care of you like never before." Arthur stood up to punch Gwaine, only to trip over the rug and land on his face.

"Wait, what if we all carried around two swords so that we could kill twice as many people?" Elyan wondered aloud. Percival let out a booming laugh that echoed around the chambers.

"Everything is soooooo funny. Why don't we do this more often?" he said. Gwaine hiccupped, causing Percival to fall into another state of booming laughter. Merlin placed the empty mugs outside the door for other servants to deal with before turning around and sighing.

"Leon, what are you doing?" he asked. The senior knight was standing in front of the mirror and running his hands through his hair with a look of intense concentration upon his face.

"Leon is like Lion. I think my hair should be wilder," he explained, running his hands through it once more. "Rawr," he said, forming cat claws with his hands and batting at the mirror. He began caressing his face and hair, making the strands stick out in every direction. "I'm not like a lion. I am a lion. Leon the lion," Leon said, whipping his head back and forth.

"Whatever floats your boat," Merlin muttered.

"Elyan, since Merlin here doesn't want to have a good time, why don't we?" Gwaine suggested. Elyan looked as though he was about to move when Merlin pushed him back into his chair.

"I don't think Gwen would be too happy," he explained. Arthur had righted himself, apparently forgetting about Gwaine's advances and had pulled himself into a chair, downing another goblet of wine.

"Tomorrow, I think I'll cancel practice," Arthur said.

"Really, sire?" Merlin huffed.

"Yes, Merlin. You see, we work too hard as is. We need a day off to just relax and enjoy our time in this world. You never know when you're going to die," Arthur explained.

"Just don't blame me when no one shows up tomorrow," Merlin said.

"You can have the day off as well, Merlin," Arthur said. "I'll make it a royal decree. Merlin gets every Wednesday off." Merlin turned to see Arthur writing those words on the document, signing it, and even putting a seal on it. Merlin shook his head. He wasn't sure how well that was going to stick in the morning.

"I am way too sexy for these clothes." Leon's comment caught Merlin's attention and he whipped around to see Leon toss the garments out of the window and down onto the courtyard.

"What the hell did you do that for?" Merlin cried, running over to see the clothing sitting innocently on the cobblestones. Percival burst out laughing again.

"Merlin, I am a wild animal. I cannot be contained by the bonds of clothing. I need to let my lioness spirit run free!" Leon said. He put a hand on one hip and jutted his other hip to the side. His left arm was raised into the air, fingers spread wide. His legs were also pretty wide. Leon must have thought this was the epitome of masculinity.

"Lioness is a female lion," Merlin said, trying to roll a laughing Percival back onto his side. Leon deflated with the news.

"What if…" Merlin didn't even bother listening to the rest of Elyan's idea. He just wanted everyone to pass out so he could go to bed. It was then that he got a familiar prickle in the back of neck. The kind that alerted him whenever danger was near. Merlin stopped trying to convince Arthur not to write a law that stated all horses needed to be painted red and instead crept towards the door of the chambers. He went to grasp the handle when it flew open, knocking Merlin onto his back. Merlin hissed with pain as he looked up to see three men, scarred and ugly, looming over him.

"I think we got the right place, Mark," one laughed.

"Yeah, Clark. Look at this pup. He's got his tail between his legs!" the one, Mark, laughed.

"I think we should let Cynthia kill them," Clark suggested.

"Cynthia?" Merlin asked.

"My parents wanted a girl," Cynthia answered plainly. Merlin nodded and stood up. Leon was in the middle of striking several more unnatural poses. Gwaine was trying to seduce Elyan. Elyan was trying to figure out how to harness the power of water to reverse aging. Percival was still laughing. And Arthur was actually doing paperwork. Merlin figured he wasn't going to get much help this time.

"Listen, can you guys wait like 24 hours to come back. Think about it, there's no fight when they're like this," Merlin pleaded.

"Clark," Mark said and before Merlin knew it, the side of Clark's fist slammed into his head, causing Merlin to stumble back into the table. Well, stumble is probably not accurate, more like throw his entire weight into the table causing Merlin to crack a few ribs. Merlin gasped for air as Mark then took out a knife and jammed it into Merlin's shoulder. Merlin cried out in pain. It was at this time that the knights appeared to have sobered up and were now going to try and take out the three intruders. Everyone pounced on Clark, leaving only Mark and Cynthia to Merlin.

"Looks like they can fight after all," Clark sneered, advancing towards Merlin.

"Let's slit this pup's throat," Cynthia chuckled. Merlin then picked up a jug and swung it with all his might at Mark's head. Two clangs resounded in the chambers. Mark and Cynthia both fell, revealing Gwen with a water pitcher.

"I heard noise, I thought something might have happened," she explained. Merlin stared at the men in a heap on the ground.

"Oh, yeah. Thanks for helping out," Merlin said. He turned to see the knights all slumping down to sleep, Clark's body in the mix.

"You should go have Gaius look at that," Gwen said, pulling Merlin back to the knife that was still lodged in his arm.

"Yeah. We should also get these guys down into the dungeons," he said.

"Of course! Well, I'll go get some guards," Gwen responded. Mark groaned and sat up. Gwen shrieked and proceeded to knock him on the head with the pitcher. Mark's head twisted to the side and he gave one last grunt before flopping back on the floor.

"Should we move Leon?" Gwen asked. Her face darkened with a blush. Merlin turned to see that Leon and Arthur had both decided to occupy the bed.

"I would, but my arm's injured and he's heavier than he looks," Merlin said. Gwen nodded.

"Should I ask why he's not wearing any clothes?"

"No you should not." Gwen nodded and walked out the door, trying to find some guards.

"Oh, the council is going to have a field day when they hear about this," Merlin chuckled. He sank down into a chair and waited for Gwen to come back.

oOoOoOo

"So, that's all that happened?" Percival asked. Merlin nodded and looked around at the knights. Gwaine and Arthur looked absolutely livid. Leon and Elyan looked embarrassed and disappointed in themselves. Percival looked thoughtful.

"I always knew Gwen had a strong arm," Elyan finally said. "She would hit me when I was being annoying."

"Where are the men now?" Arthur asked.

"Down in the dungeons," Merlin responded. He then pulled out some extra clothes out of the bag he was carry when he came in and distributed them to the knights.

"I figured you would like something fresh," he explained.

"Are you alright?" Gwaine asked.

"Yeah, Gaius said the knife made a clean cut. It wasn't even lodged in that deep," Merlin explained. He didn't mention how Gaius had used magic to help heal the muscles and tendons more quickly so that Merlin could do his job.

After Merlin had left with the breakfast tray, after the council had been caught up on the events, after Arthur managed to revoke most of the ridiculous laws he passed yesterday, he and knights made their way down to the dungeons. The prisoners were going to try and escape. Therefore, the king of Camelot could not be certain what their condition was going to be when his knights finally got the three back in the cell. And it didn't help that a certain manservant was severely injured in the process. It didn't help in the slightest.

So there's the story. For all who wanted Merlin whump, I hope you kind of got your wish. I have a few more lined up that I want to try writing. We'll see if the muse is going to help.