short chapter but lots of good stuff.


Her meetings with Filius were three times a week, they enjoyed tea and went over spell theory. Severus had Albus add another room to their chambers for her to practice. Despite him not understanding her original need, she was enjoying her new project. She knew Severus created spells when he was younger as well as potions.

The spells he made were intended for "self defense", so he said. It helped him protect her. She wanted to create something that would help him as well. She knew Severus suffered from random bouts of muscle spasms from his years as a death eater. Some nights when he came home from revels she would practically bathe him in dittany and rub his sore muscles.

She could try to create a spell that would heal him. Something instant, no three day recovery for him. She was determined to make it work.

They used lab rats for their test subjects. It broke her heart hearing them scream in pain as they were tortured but they made great ground work. After a few weeks she was able to heal them with her new incantation but scarring was inevitable. Filius said she succeeded but it wasn't good enough for her. She carried on.

She finally got to test it first hand on Severus with his approval. One late night he stumbled through the floo and collapsed to the floor. The Dark Lord punished him for Draco's lack of progress with his task.

Her hands quickly opened his shirt and she pressed her palms flat to his chest and closed her eyes. Her magic seeped into his skin, warmth spread over him and his torn flesh wove shut. Scars took their place but the pain left immediately. His muscles relaxed and he was able to stand immediately after. He picked her up and twirled her around in her victory.


On one of her trips to the wand shop, she went to the book store to find the required books she would need for her research. She wanted to heal all of Severus, not just the wounds. She finally figured out that one spell couldn't do both heal and remove scars, it would require Two separate complex spells.

While she was there she looked for books on pregnancy, childcare and magical children. She wanted to know anything and everything possible about starting a family with Severus. He was adamant that she be added to the Gringotts account, anything she needed he would play for easily. He refused to let her use any of her own money to pay for things. So she gave her Snape name at the counter and the purchases were made.

Her window shopping led her to the various baby shops for clothing, furniture and toys. She could picture the future nursery and a dark haired baby in their arms. The flutters in her belly made her ecstatic to talk to him about it.

She didn't know how to broach the subject of children with him. She didn't want to chance upsetting him and didn't know if he wanted them to begin with. They never talked about it. Ever.

Perhaps she could leave one of the baby books out. No, he wouldn't appreciate anything indirect. She could ask not to take her monthly potion. Or maybe make a gift out of it. How does one do that? A card?

Happy Holidays, I want your baby.

She scrunched her face at the idea and scratched it off her list. Yes, her actual list. She was a Ravenclaw after all. Maybe that list could wait for later. On to the next list.

Pros and cons of starting a family.

Pros, part of Severus would always be with her. The gift of a child, men wanted their legacy to continue. Bring them closer together. Babies are adorable. Create the greatest gift for Severus. That one was underlined. Her grandfather would have a great great grandbaby to spoil and love. Robbie would scream in joy.

Cons, war. Side note, Severus would keep us safe. She drew a heart next to that one. Medical. Would their future children have her medical issues? Would her babies be voiceless and live through the hell she did?

Garrick told her the troubles of raising a mute baby, not knowing when they were sick or crying. That's why Robbie was so attached to her. He was the alarm that she needed something. Immune deficiency to the common sore throat and flu. But Severus would be able to brew the baby the proper potions to help. She just knew it.

It was decided, she was going to have his baby. She felt a warmth spread through her. She felt like this once before, the first time she kissed Severus. She just needed to tell him now.


She started to "nest" as the book called it. She took up knitting and crochet as well and learning new recipes. Their chambers were "homier" than ever, with pictures of them and souvenirs from their times out. She knit some small scarves and hat's in Slytherin green and Ravenclaw blue. She hoped Severus got the hint to start the subject.

"Filius and Robbie would really like those." He said.

They were child sized and he completely overlooked her signs. She sighed and put them away in the corner to be forgotten.

Then she made cookies in the shape of small children. Frosted with chocolate chips for eyes.

"I thought gingerbread men were seasonal pastries only. Hmm. I like it." He said and bit a head off and went back to his newspaper.

She wanted to hit him with a pillow. But she swallowed her frustration and went to bed early that night instead.


He liked that she was making this their home. That she was settling in vs having scarce items and living out of a suitcase that he feared before they were reunited. Her making their house a home helped with his high stress levels. Pressure from the Dark Lord and Albus was closing in on him. He didn't need stress from her being unhappy added on top. Because he would drop everything else for her.

There was a vase of flowers given to her by Severus throughout the years in every room, put on forever stasis. She made wreaths with some of them for the holidays and hung it on their door. Every time Severus came home from work there was something new in their chambers.

Except that damn pygmy puff paradise puzzle over the mantle.

Her notes and books were scattered over the coffee table and surround areas on the floor constantly. She picked it up and sorted it when she was finished but always got carried away. Severus got her a desk of her own but she never used it. She was more comfortable by the fire.

She had been more attentive lately, he loved it. Then he would make a small comment and he would watch her shoulder slump. He didn't know what he said to upset her but she didn't mention it again.


"Do you want to go out for dinner?" he asked one night when he came home.

'No thank you. Can we stay home tonight?'

"Is something wrong?" he asked. She always wanted to go out for dinner.

She bit her lip and shook her head no. He didn't believe her. He cupped her cheek and made her look up at him.

"Tell me."

'It's nothing. Can you read to me tonight?' she asked.

"Princess…. If there's anything you need…"

She didn't need anything. She wanted his baby. She shook her head no again. He let it go for now. She had been distant lately, staring off into nothing at times and fidgeting with her hands. He thought it had to do with her birthday. He would let it go for now and spend the evening in. He would take her out this weekend instead.

She was sitting in his lap after dinner, bridal style and her head on his shoulder. Her right hand traced invisible lines on his neck, her left hand caressing her stomach. She was zoning out again, he knew it. He put the book down and looked down at her.

"Tell me." He said.

She bit her lip, blushed and looked away.

"Are you unhappy?" he asked. Hoping it wasn't the reason for her distance the last few weeks.

'No.'

"Are you sick?"

'No, I feel fine.' She shook her head.

"Do you need something?" he asked. He told her she only had to ask.

She paused before answering no.

"Do you want something?" he asked and pulled her chin to look at him. He knew she would look away.

She bit her lip again and gave him the saddest eyes he had ever seen.

"You want something for your birthday this year?" he asked.

She slowly nodded and wrung her hands awkwardly.

"Tell me what you want. I told you to tell me if there was anything. I'll get it for you. No matter what it is, no matter the cost." He said firmly. His mind raced at to what she wanted. A new puzzle? Another vacation? A cat?

'I…' she paused.

"Anything." He said again.

'I want to have your baby.' She signed and looked up at him. Big silver eyes begging.

His face went blank. His hand dropped from her face. A baby? Why? Wasn't what he provided enough to keep her content? Wasn't their home already full? Both of them, Corvus, Robbie just left before Christmas. He could get her a house elf, but a baby?

"No." He shook his head and spoke firmly.

She nodded her head sadly in acceptance. Her eyes watering and she looked down to her hands in her lap. He couldn't stand to see her like this. His chest felt heavy, his mind was full of doubt. She wasn't happy with him. He picked her up off his lap and set her on the couch. He stood up and felt the room spin.

He wasn't enough. She wanted more. She didn't want him. She didn't love him anymore. She wanted to take her attention away from him. He moved to stand in front of the fire. He needed to get away from her.

"Why?"

'Never mind. I don't want a baby. I don't-' she quickly signed.

He cut her off. "Am I not enough?"

'No! I mean, yes you are! But that's not what I meant. Please don't be mad. Don't hate me.' She begged.

"Do I not provide enough for you? Is isn't it enough? Am I not enough?" Severus asked angrily.

'I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I won't ask for anything ever again.' She cried. She got up and went to him, reaching for him.

He held his hand up for her to stop. She did. "Just leave…"

Me alone

He couldn't finish the sentence. The words died as he tried to voice them. Last time he told her to leave him alone he nearly lost her. He needed to think. He couldn't breathe in here, not with her wanting something he couldn't give. He grabbed a handful of floo powder and left. He didn't remember what destination he said, he just had to escape.

Juliet sobbed as she watched him disappear through the green flames. She reached for him but he told her to leave. She walked to their bedroom and pulled out her cloak and scarf. She grabbed her purse and paused and she saw the picture on the coffee table by the fireplace.

It was the one of him smiling in Rome. The picture replayed over and over.

'I love you.' She mouthed.

He smiled and kissed her softly.

She decided to take that one. She put it in her purse and slung it over her shoulder and looked around once more. He wanted her to leave, and so she would do what he wanted.

She never should have asked for his baby. She should have known he wouldn't like that. She took off her wedding ring and set it in place of the picture. If it was what he wanted, she would give it to him.

She couldn't leave by floo. So she sadly walked through the castle and out the front doors. She kept quietly to herself and dried her eyes on her sleeves. When she passed the gate and the wards she apparated to Diagon Alley. She was going back to the wand shop.