Thank you so much for your patience! Shakayla and I appreciate it. We're getting closer to the end and, as the wedding draws near, the situation between C/J continues to deteriorate.
Chapter 28 - Ma'am
With a heavy sigh, Joseph folded and sealed the envelope before turning it over to address both letters to her. Wiping the tears from his cheeks, he gathered both along with the key and made his way to her office, praying she hadn't decided to bury herself in work. Slipping the key in the door, he realized he should've checked the cameras first. Damn.
He moved quickly and quietly once inside the room. Though the area was dark, the small sliver of moonlight shining through the curtains along with the countless hours he'd spent in this room, allowed him to move without the aid of any additional lighting. With special care, he arranged the letters in his hands so that the one addressed to Her Majesty was on top. He placed them on the center of her desk before picking up the picture frame that contained a photo of Clarisse and her sons. The smile in that picture was one of pure joy. He would miss witnessing those rare moments, especially when he was part of the reason for her happiness.
The tears threatened yet again so he returned the picture to its designated spot and blinked rapidly. He had to get out here. Every minute he remained in her office was another minute closer to succumbing to a total breakdown.
Calling on the last of his famous self-control, he made his way to the door opening it just as Amelia was coming down the hallway. Of all the people to bump into…
Amelia spotted him and avoided bumping into him just in time. "Hey Joe."
"I am so sorry Princess. I wasn't expecting anyone to be out this late. You wouldn't be sneaking out again would you?" Dear God, don't let her be sneaking out. I will hang every member of the security team by their toes in the courtyard if she is.
Mia twirled her hair and looked past him, adding an additional layer of worry onto his already troubled soul. "Of course not, Joe. I'm just trying to work off some nervous energy. I'm getting married in a couple days, remember."
The sadness in her voice tore at his soul. He knew Clarisse had always done her duty, but the unhappiness that had caused her…was that something she truly wished on her granddaughter? "I know, Princess. You're going to be make a beautiful bride and an amazing Queen. Of those two things, I have no doubt. You've made your grandmother and me very proud."
"Thanks, Joe. I hope I don't let either of you down. Speaking of Gramma, have you seen her?"
For a moment Clarisse's face flashed his mind and threatened to shatter what little resolve he had remaining. "Not in the last several hours. Would you like me to check the camera for you?"
Amelia's face morphed into concern as she studied his features. Her grandmother has taught her well. He prayed she didn't see the dark circles, worry lines and haunted eyes he was trying diligently to protect her from. "No it's fine. I'll see her in the morning."
Stepping closer, Amelia hugged him. "Thank you for always believing I could do this."
Wiping a stray tear from the corner of his eye, he was thankful the hallway was poorly lit this time of night. "Our country is lucky to have you. You will make a wonderful Queen. Get some rest Princess, it's almost the big day."
"Goodnight, Joe."
Amelia waited until Joseph rounded the corner before she turned and headed back toward her Gramma's office. Joe was up to something and I want to find out what it is. He and Grandmother have been hiding things from me and, as the almost Queen, I don't want to be on a need-to-know basis anymore. I need to know now. Looking both ways, she confirmed no one was coming and tried the handle. Much to her surprise the door opened. Something really is bothering Joe if he didn't lock Gramma's door. Stepping inside, she walked to the desk that in little over a week would be hers. The desk gleamed in the moonlight through the window. The only contents on the shiny surface were two envelopes.
Instantly, she recognized the bold strokes as Joe's handwriting. A lump appeared in her throat, making it difficult to swallow. She could only think of one reason Joseph would be sneaking into her Grandmother's office late at night and leaving her a letter…or two.
It was a split second decision, but she'd been making a lot of those lately. Unfortunately, most of them had ended up in disaster. But she knew in her heart of hearts, only pain would come from her grandmother seeing either of these letters. For once, she was going to try to protect her the way she'd been looking out for her since they met a little over five years ago. She hurried out of the office and up to her room. She needed to be ready when her Prince Charming found a way for them to be together.
Later that night…
After his encounter with Amelia, he was shaken but knew there was one more stop he had to make. One person who needed to know about the content of one of the letters he'd just left for Clarisse. He forced the tears back as he made his way to the private suite of his second in command. He hated to intrude, but dinner was over so now was as good of a time as any. Three solid raps on the door and he waited.
A few moments later, the door opened. "Boss, is everything alright?"
Joseph remained silent; he wasn't going to have this discussion in the hallway. After another long moment, Shades stepped aside and motioned for him to enter.
Joseph is here, in my suite, after hours. Add that to the little Charlotte has told me and this is not good. "Please, have a seat."
Scott walked to the cabinet and retrieved two glasses and a bottle of scotch. He filled the glasses and resealed the bottle before placing it under his arm and carried it, along with the glasses, back to the seating area. Without a word, he lifted one of the glasses toward the older man who took it with a nod.
Joseph lifted the glass to his lips and took a small drink. He needed to be careful not to drown his sorrows too much. He was still head of security for the crown of Genovia and would not let personal misery affect his ability to do his job. He hadn't let physical torture stop him, he sure as hell wouldn't let emotional torture render him ineffective either.
A moment later, he noticed Charlotte sitting on the couch. Her tear-stained face told him the story. Clarisse had turned to Charlotte when she'd been upset. Or, God help him, had Charlotte witnessed the break-up herself? She had a knack for never being far from Clarisse and, after the weekend, they'd been closer than ever. Regardless of how she found out…
She knew.
He needed to have this conversation without her being there. "I'm sorry for the intrusion, but would you excuse us for a few minutes, Charlotte. Please?"
"Of course, I was just about to head out before you knocked." She stood and thanked Scott for his hospitality before setting her sad eyes on Joseph. Walking around the coffee table, she pulled him into an embrace, whispering in his ear. "Don't give up on her…please." She stepped back and wished them both a good night before closing the door behind her.
"Everything alright, Boss? You look like hell."
Joseph collapsed onto the couch and took a long draw of the scotch. "That's because I feel like hell." Not wanting to share too much personal information, he turned toward the young man. "I need you to know that I'm leaving after the Princess is crowned. You'll be taking over. You're ready and I have complete faith in you."
Scott's face registered surprise. "I appreciate the vote of confidence, I really do. But, this seems premature. You'll be sticking around, right? I'll operate as personal protection for the new queen while you provided security for the Dowager Queen. That was our plan, wasn't it?" Scott moved to sit on the edge of the chair, resting his elbows on his knee as he held the glass of amber in his hands. "You're not leaving…leaving, are you?"
Joseph finished his drink and stood. He needed to move...too much pent up frustration and hurt to sit still for this conversation. "No one else knows this, but I left my resignation on the Queen's desk a few minutes ago. Once Amelia is crowned, I'm retiring."
He directed a pointed look at Scott. "I expect you'll keep that piece of information to yourself until it becomes public knowledge."
Scott had the decency to look abashed and fought the urge to sigh. "Of course." So much had happened tonight. First, Charlotte showed up in tears—never a good thing. Then the moment he thought the storm was calming, Joseph knocked on the door and delivered this hail storm. "Sir, if you are retiring then who will be the primary for the Queen...Lionel?"
Joseph shrugged. "That will be your call, son. You'll be in charge of personnel and will need to decide who to assign to the Dowager Queen." He knew Scott was baiting him, but he wasn't going to have a heart-to-heart with him about the sad state of the relationship between he and Clarisse.
"Surely, I can convince you to stay around to protect the queen."
Joseph shook his head, the sad look an ongoing feature on his face lately. "No, I'm afraid that's not possible. I just can't stay. I'm sorry."
Scott studied him for a long few minutes. They'd spent time together outside work, watching a game or having a drink, but never discussing feelings. And he certainly never initiated a conversation about Joseph's relationship with the Queen. He knew it was there, but he would never give voice to the worst kept secret in the palace. "I'm not sure exactly what happened today, but I'm confident it's all been a misunderstanding. You can't really mean you'll be leaving the palace. This is your home."
After all they'd shared over the years, Joseph knew he owed Scott a better explanation. "Look, it's no secret to you that Clarisse and I are close, very close. It's been a difficult year for us, especially in light of everything that happened last October. We've been working hard to find our way back and I thought we were getting close, but she's chosen duty over love. I can't stay and play second fiddle to something I cannot even compete with. The Princess is going to be taking over in less than a week, but even then she can't let go." His gaze pierced the other man's trying to convey with his eyes what he couldn't voice out loud. Finally, he summarized the situation in as few words as possible. "She can't let go and I can't stay."
Scott moved to stand face-to-face with Joseph. "I suppose I'd always suspected, but after that weekend, I realized how deep the bond between the two of you ran. She's just under a lot of pressure. Duty has been all she's ever known, even from a little girl. Do you get that? She has not experienced one moment of personal freedom from the moment the ink dried on the marriage arrangement. Can you even imagine what that would be like?" He clamped his mouth shut, realizing he'd just been insubordinate.
Since Joseph didn't fire him outright, he tried a different approach. "No disrespect intended, sir. She's my Queen, I serve her and I care a great deal about the woman behind the crown as well." He turned away and looked at a painting on the wall. "You're not the only one willing to give your life for her, you know."
Turning to look at his mentor and friend one more time, he added. "If you love her, and I believe with my whole heart you do, you'll wait for her. She deserves it after all the sacrifice she's endured for all of us."
Joseph's resolve hardened at Scott's words. This young man didn't know the first thing about the relationship they shared, nor what Clarisse was like behind closed doors, nor of the secrets she kept from him. "If you're finished lecturing me, I'll take my leave. I just wanted you to start getting your house in order and be prepared to take over."
Joseph turned and walked toward the door, turning back for one moment. "Thank you for your friendship over the years and for all your hard work. I'll never be able to thank you enough for shooting those sons of bitches who hurt her. Thank you and take good care of our girls." With nothing more to say and certainly not wanting to hear anything more Scott had to say, he opened the door and left.
Sighing, Scott rubbed his face before looking longingly at his bed. He knew Joseph was hurting, he could understand that. If Charlotte ever left…
But, Joseph was being stubborn and living in denial if he thought either he or the Queen would survive long without the other. Gathering his jacket, he slipped it on before heading down the hall to Charlotte's room. They needed to come up with a plan to get them to talk again.
The walk to Charlotte's suite was short since her room was only at the end of the hall. Knocking on the door repeatedly, Shades waited for her to answer, when the seconds turned to minutes he pulled out the key she had given him and entered the dimly lit room.
His heart melted a bit as he found her curled up in a ball on her sofa, sound asleep. Brushing his fingers lightly down her cheek, he was thankful the redness under her eyes had faded. He walked to the linen closet and found a blanket to drape over her. We still have a week before he leaves so Saturday after the wedding we will formulate a plan for Operation: Unite Wolf and Eagle. Leaning down he placed a kiss on her forehead, praying he never had to face the prospect a future without her in it.
For now though, it was time to go to work. He was on security watch with Lionel tonight in the hub. This might be the longest day ever.
^^C/J^^
June 19 – Day before the royal wedding is to take place
Clarisse sat motionless, staring out the window into the darkness. Only one small light provided illumination and she was fine with that-it suited her mood. The tea that dear, sweet Charlotte had brought in sat cold next to her. The gesture had been very sweet, but it was the young woman's presence that kept her from going totally insane. They'd not spoken, but having her sitting next to her, staring out into the same darkness, somehow made Clarisse feel not so alone.
Her heart seized the moment she sensed his presence enter the room. She didn't even have to turn around to know it was him. They needed to talk, but truthfully, she had no idea what they would say to each other. So much had been said, and yet not nearly enough. Her inability to properly express herself of late made the decision for her. She would wait. Wait for him to set the tone of whatever this conversation would include.
The door to the library had been left ajar. Joseph could see her silhouette, sitting on the couch in front of the window—the same window he'd kissed her senseless in front of just last week. His lips tingled from the memory, but his heart continued pleading with him to think of anything but her.
Still, he knew today had been hard for her. A part of him was glad Charlotte was with her. Before, she would've cut herself off entirely from anyone and everyone. That weekend in October had changed that about her. Something positive, I guess…
Entering the room, he watched as Clarisse's body straightened, Without even seeing, he knew she was slipping her mask back into place. He stood, quietly, waiting for her to acknowledge his presence.
Nothing.
When she made no effort to turn, he cleared his throat. "Ma'am, it's time for our scheduled briefing before the wedding tomorrow." The word wedding caught in his throat and he prayed that Clarisse didn't hear it.
She sighed. It really was impossible to have moments to herself to allow for extreme personal turmoil without a scheduled meeting or some other duty-bound requirement pulling her in every direction. She turned to Charlotte and clasped her hand. "Will you excuse us, please?"
"Of course. I'll be right outside if you need me, but I'll close the door on my way out."
Charlotte squeezed her hand, stood and left. The soft click of the door let Clarisse know she was alone with him. "You're welcome to join me on the couch, if you wish, to provide your report."
After not sleeping last night and then reporting to work with the princess' picture plastered all over the news this morning, his body was exhausted. But, not so exhausted that he could allow himself to be that close to her. "I think I'll stand, ma'am."
Her shoulders tensed at his continual use of the word ma'am. So it's going to be like that...fine. "As you wish. I have no fight left in me and certainly have no desire to argue with you. If you don't mind, I prefer to sit as exhaustion has claimed every muscle in my body. I haven't felt this poorly since... well in a long time. Are we at status ready for the ceremony and other activities tomorrow?"
Shifting on his feet, his knees disagreed vehemently with his choice to stand. Joseph focused on the lon, slender fingers playing with the fringe on the pillow—a nervous habit Clarisse had picked up since they started therapy. He focused on the fingers, because he couldn't bear to see the heartache in her eyes.
"The team is ready. We reviewed protocols this morning and I assigned Shades to your detail. I will be with the Princess tomorrow since the security risk will be higher for her tomorrow. We do have a problem however... At the reception, you are to dance with the Prime Minister and then myself. How would you like to handle that?"
She hugged the pillow tighter and blinked back the tears. "I'm unsure. I suppose that depends on if you are still willing to dance with me."
There was a long silence as Joseph tossed the thought around. His heart was willing to risk the hurt for one more chance to hold her in his arms, but his mind was playing the movie reel of last night's events through his mind. Unsure of what exactly Clarisse wanted, he placed the decision back on her. "If you require me as a dance partner then I shall perform my duty, ma'am."
Duty. That damned word guided everything apparently not only she did, but also Joseph. She was tired, so tired. And there would be no rest as Amelia was far from ready to go this solo. And she would be alone. That single thought threatened to destroy her more than anything else that had occurred in her life. Not loss of those she loved. Not loss of her control during the weekend in hell. For in none of those times had she ever been without Joseph. Her heart ached in her chest for the loss she was about to experience, but there was no choice. She couldn't move forward and he would no longer wait. "Then it's settled. We'll dance." If he wouldn't make the decision, she'd make it for both of them-just as she'd always done... "Since we're on the subject of duty, perhaps you can explain to me why those on duty last night failed in such a marvelous way and, as head of security, how you plan to rectify that?"
Joseph let a small breath escape as Clarisse changed the subject back to work. "After seeing the morning news, I went straight to the security hub and asked that very question. Apparently, Shades knew where the Princess was the entire time. He watched her on the security feed throughout the night. Since the Princess was still on the palace grounds, she was not required to have a guard present as long as they had eyes on her. It is unfortunate, however, he failed to notice the photographer in the boat this morning.
If you are looking for someone to blame then look no further than right here. I'm the one responsible for my men and they were only following the protocols I put in place."
Clarisse couldn't help herself, all of the misery of the past couple days bubbled to the surface. She turned and cast unbelieving eyes on Joseph. "So your men KNEW that Amelia was with Nicholas and it never once crossed his mind that this was a public relations nightmare?! Honestly, Joseph I understand she might not have been in physical danger, but can you tell me, in all truthfulness, that your men didn't think it might be relevant to report that not so minor detail to you PRIOR to the morning fiasco? I've mentioned on at least two occasions that part of protecting the Princess meant keeping her away from Sir Nicholas. I..." It didn't matter. What was done was done. She turned to face the window and let her head fall back on the pillows along the top edge of the couch. "Perhaps we should look at rewriting some of those security protocols."
Joseph didn't want to fight but he had to stand up for his men and Amelia. "Perhaps they should be revised, but Shades saw no difference in letting Mia be out with Nicolas then he did when you and I would take a morning ride or walk before the King woke. Starting tomorrow, Mia will be married to her duty so perhaps last night wasn't quite as bad as the media made it to be. Surely her grandmother can relate and find understanding in that detail."
The tears would no longer be held at bay and quietly slipped from her tightly closed lids. "She understands how easy it is for duty to keep us from those we love." She couldn't talk to him anymore—not about this. She was going to completely lose it. She had to hold it together. "Is there anything else you need to report on?"
Though he could only see her face in profile, but it was enough. Even if he hadn't been able to see, he heard the tearful pain in her voice. He couldn't help but wipe the moisture from the corner of his own eyes. "Nothing else, ma'am. Would you like me to walk you to your suite?"
She choked back a sob at the word ma'am - she hated that word slipping from his lips almost as much as she hated the word duty. "No, that won't be necessary. Thank you for offering, though. Please ask Charlotte to come back in when you leave."
"As you wish. I'll post Lionel at the end of the hallway and he will escort you when you are ready." Walking to the door, he paused and gave her one last look before exiting the room. Charlotte remained true to her word and stood just outside the door. "She wishes your presence." If the sadness reflected in Charlotte's eyes as she looked up at him were any indication of that reflected in Clarisse's, Joseph was grateful they never made eye contact as the pain would have killed him.
