CHAPTER 29
Since the Harvest Party, Uly had spent the past few evenings going to dinner with his mother at the homes of families with Changed children. It felt good getting a chance to show his mom that he wasn't an unruly kid who ran away all the time. It still angered him that that vision had managed to attack him right before she had returned to New Pacifica. That definitely wasn't the first impression he was hoping to give her when she finally woke from cold sleep.
He was happy to help her develop relationships with the colonists, but he did miss spending time with Eden Advance and, mostly, John, Yale, and True. He suspected his mom was trying to show him off as one of the oldest Syndrome children and the first Changed, so he tried to be extra courteous and kind at each home. Although he did have to curtail his smart aleck replies this night in particular, hoping to save them later for John's amusement. Sure, John would give him a stern look if they were too mean, but he knew John appreciated a good joke. And, well, John just knew him better than his mom anyway.
"Well, that was…interesting," Devon said with a chuckle, nudging Uly with her elbow as they began walking across New Pacifica toward home.
Uly nodded and snorted lightly in return. "Morgan should line her up as the headliner for the Hibernation Celebration," he said.
"It was really sweet, though," Devon added, furrowing her brow in pity.
Their evening had consisted of dinner and being serenaded by the Changed child in the family, an eight-year-old girl. Devon had smiled throughout, of course, but Uly could tell she was somewhat embarrassed to hear a little girl sing her praises only a few feet from her face. The girl's parents and siblings had looked on proudly, tears in their eyes, grateful the girl was alive and astounded that Devon Adair was in their home.
"I am so proud of you," Devon stated sincerely, linking her arm through Uly's. "Thank you for putting up with these past few evenings for me."
Uly smiled shyly. "It was a good idea, Mom. People are treating me differently now that you're back. I mean, I'd rather hang out with the Edenites, of course, because they're not scared of me. But this really helps."
"Scared of you? What do you mean?"
"Because I'm different." Uly shrugged. "You know what I mean."
Devon tilted her head in confusion. "I'm not sure I do, Uly. There are plenty of Changed children in New Pacifica, and the colonists seem to be surprisingly accepting of them. Why would they be afraid of you?"
Uly felt a shudder as he realized just how little his mother seemed to understand about what he'd been going through these past years. How could he explain the resentment he felt from even the youngest Syndrome children? And the Changed kids who didn't understand why he seemed to have so many problems all the time. How he had felt overwhelmed by the sheer number of human bodies in New Pacifica. How he had needed to escape so many times. And why his powers had been taken away.
"The Changed children are adapting to their abilities, but they don't really…," Uly began. "I don't know. They don't, like, test their limits. They aren't exploring their capabilities. They're becoming adept Dreamers, but they don't seem to connect with the Terrians the way I always have."
His mother gave him a strange look, and he realized what the problem was before she did. "You sounded like Julia just then."
Uly shrugged. "Yeah, I've talked about it a lot with Julia and Alonzo. Julia for the science stuff. Alonzo for the Dreaming stuff."
She regarded him with sympathy. "I'm sorry it's been so difficult for you here. But I'm glad things seem to be getting better."
Uly considered this. Yes, it did seem like things were finally looking up in some ways. "It's been pretty cool watching you with these families. How you talk to them. How you always seem to know what to say and how to say it. Maybe that's what I need to learn how to do. You know, if I'm going to bring humans and Terrians together. I need to figure out how to get in good with these Changed kids, right?"
Devon was staring at him again, and she seemed at a loss as to how to reply. "Uly, don't you think that's a lot to expect? Don't you think you've been too hard on yourself because of these unfair expectations? Maybe…"
Don't say it, Uly thought. Don't you dare say it…
"Maybe things are best the way they are," she suggested. Uly's chest tightened. "Maybe you don't need to Dream again."
Uly steadied his breath, remembering that she just couldn't understand. She probably thought she was being helpful.
"I mean, you've come back from your…," she hesitated, not sure what to call it. "Your recent journey," she chose, "seemingly unscathed. After experiencing that terrible vision, it's a miracle how you've not only made it through these two weeks, but you've been just wonderful."
At her mention of the vision, his head throbbed in response. "Uh, thanks," he said. The last thing he wanted was a reminder of that painful presence pressing the inside of his skull. He felt a wave of nausea at the memory. Although the Terrians were somehow able to remove the vision itself as if it were a living thing, he could still remember what he had seen, heard, felt… And he was still unable to come to terms with the anger toward her it had drawn out of him.
He realized he had slowed his steps and was laying a hand on his stomach. He pushed the feeling of resentment down and tried to focus on something else. He closed his eyes and imagined the Terrian caves, the smell of the air, the sounds of the dripping pools, the glow of the sunstones, the feel of traveling through the earth. Immediately, he felt the hostility leftover from the vision dissipate. Julia had taught him the technique, teaching him to distract his mind. Alonzo had disagreed, telling Uly he should delve deeper into the vision and get to the root of it if he ever wanted to be rid of it. Opening himself up to the world of that vision was the last thing Uly wanted to do, though.
He glanced at his mother who was looking at him intently again, eyes wide with concern. One arm still linked through his, she laid her other hand on his arm in a comforting gesture. "I want you to know that you can talk to me," she said. "I don't want you to be too concerned about causing me worry to come to me with anything. I've had plenty of that since I got here. I'm here for you, ok?"
"Yeah, ok," he answered, still distracted.
"And I know I might not understand. But I'll try. I want to try," she said, smiling and bumping him with her elbow again. He wasn't nine anymore. She seemed to forget that sometimes.
"Mom, really, it's fine," he declared with a sigh.
They continued walking home in silence. The drizzle had turned to a cool, misty fog, but it was supposed to clear up soon. Uly was concerned about his mom's plan to visit Hunter's camp the next day. He felt guilty for hoping the bad weather would continue indefinitely. He wanted all of the Edenites to stay in New Pacifica and forget about Hunter. His mom seemed so sure that things would work out. But John and Yale didn't. And he hated that they didn't seem to be on the same side right now.
Uly sensed that she was thinking deeply about something, though he had no idea about what. "And who will you talk to?" he asked.
Devon turned to him, startled by his question. "What do you mean?"
Uly stared at the path in front of them as he answered, "Well, you're not even talking to Yale. Or John. Or anybody else. I mean, I know you might not come to me with your problems. I'm just a kid, right?"
"Of course I'm talking to them," she said with a smile.
Uly rolled his eyes and gave her a sidelong glance. "You know what I mean." Sure, she'd talked to them, but it was pretty clear to Uly that something wasn't quite right.
"Well, it's complicated. And I really hope visiting Andy will…" Devon hesitated. She opened her mouth, shook her head, then closed it again.
Uly wasn't a little boy, but most everyone still treated him like one, even after everything he'd been through. He could tell she felt she couldn't tell him the whole truth of the situation.
She seemed to decide to be as truthful as she could. "I'm not sure, Uly. I just really hope I can help bring us all together. Doesn't that seem like the right thing to do?"
Uly snorted in disgust. "Hunter's a jerk, mom. I mean, maybe he was always nice to you, but you were his boss. Of course he was." He knew he sounded just like John, and she probably wouldn't like it. But John was right about a lot of things, and maybe she needed to hear it.
Surprisingly, she acquiesced, "Ok, maybe he can be a bit of a jerk. But I still think I should visit."
"And then you and Yale will be ok?" Uly asked, turning to look at her.
"Yes," she replied with a nod.
"And you and John?" he added.
Devon walked on, unsure of the answer herself. "I don't know."
Uly's lip curled as the nausea returned. His head was pounding. Unconsciously, he removed his arm from hers. He shook his head trying to shake the feeling away. "I don't really get what happened, Mom. But if you're not even going to be talking to him, that makes things kinda hard for me."
The look she gave him let him know she'd barely considered that. He wanted to be understanding. He wanted to be patient. She hadn't been back for very long. She couldn't possibly understand his closeness to John. But, still, hadn't she even thought of it? He felt that wave of anger crash over him again and pushed it away. That feeling wasn't his, he kept reminding himself. But what if it was?
"Oh, Uly. I'm so sorry. We just have some problems to work through. We're all still…friends." She gave him a weak smile that he didn't find reassuring.
He contemplated whether he should bring up what he really wanted to know. It was embarrassing and not a topic he would have ever discussed with her before. "True kept saying that you and John…" Uly laughed nervously. "I don't know. I guess it's not true. I mean, that's fine. But it did seem kinda nice. But, whatever."
"Oh…," she replied, again seemingly unsure of what to say.
She wasn't denying it, which gave him hope. But her reply wasn't particularly encouraging either.
"It's just that…," Uly began, wondering if he really needed to explain this to her. Shouldn't she know? "Well, I've always had Yale. But since you've been gone, John's been like a dad. And if you can't even look at each other, how can we all live together? What will happen?"
Instead of looking confused, a look he'd gotten used to seeing on her face since she'd returned, she seemed incredibly sad and worried.
"We'll get this all figured out," she said quietly. But it seemed as though she were trying to reassure herself more than him. "If we find a new home, of course you can still spend time with John and True."
Uly stiffened.
"I'm sorry, Uly. But maybe it's time to start our lives together."
Uly didn't respond. He looked straight ahead, his brow furrowed.
"I'm glad you have John, Uly. I truly am."
Uly turned and looked at her in disbelief. He hadn't even thought about being apart from John and True. That would have never even crossed his mind. She really just didn't understand, did she? But what had he expected? "I guess it was stupid to think you and John would want to be together," he said, trying to keep the angry edge off his voice. "I thought you guys seemed pretty happy the other night. I liked seeing you happy."
"I was happy, Uly," she said sincerely. "And John is important to me."
"Yeah, ok," Uly huffed, rolling his eyes again.
As they walked, they passed a café, the outside seating full of a late night crowd. The couples and groups of friends seemed happy to have a chance to sit outdoors again, even if it was still a little wet. He watched as his mom changed her demeanor. Devon's back straightened, and she had a pleasant smile on her face. As if they hadn't just been having a pretty uncomfortable conversation. Several people at the café noticed them walk by and called out her name or waved. She nodded and said hello, taking the time to acknowledge each person.
He assessed his mother. Of course he remembered her from before. But now that he was older, he wondered for the first time what her life had really been like. He felt ashamed that he had been so self-involved he hadn't realized just how hard all of this must be for her. Not only to lose those four years, but to have to go back to trying to live up to so many people's expectations all the time.
Devon remained silent even with the café far behind them. Her head seemed to hang in defeat, her smile gone.
Uly thought about John and his mom. Did he want them together to make both of them happy? Or because he needed to keep John in his life?
"Back on the stations, when I was a kid…," Uly began, pulling at the knot in his tie. He couldn't believe he'd worn a suit tonight. He hadn't even worn one to the Harvest Party, even after John had yelled at him to. His mom was the one who'd told Uly he could choose what he wanted to wear to the party, as long as it was appropriate. John didn't say anything about it after that. It was maybe one of the last times John had tried telling him what to do. And he was starting to realize what that meant.
"I remember you saying good night to me sometimes," he continued. "You were all dressed up. You were wearing that perfume you always wore back then. You said you had to do something important. And I'd catch the news chips afterward showing you at these fancy events. I had no idea what they were for. And lots of times there would be a guy on your arm. Sometimes the same guy for a while until it was another guy. And I kinda hoped one day I'd get to meet one. That you'd fall in love and I'd have a dad."
Devon stopped walking. She grabbed his hand to stop him, too. "Uly, really? You've never said anything like that before."
"I always knew it was you, me, and Yale. And that was fine. But I just guessed that you didn't want to bring those guys to see me because I'd probably scare them away. The sick kid who could die any minute."
Devon regarded him in shock, taking both of his hands in hers and squeezing them tightly. "Oh god, Uly, no. No, it wasn't like that at all. I was never, ever ashamed of you. Never. If I never brought any of those men to meet you it was because they just weren't right. If I'd known that's what you were thinking…"
Uly's lip trembled. He wasn't even sure if he'd ever realized it before. But now that he was attempting to place himself in his mother's shoes, the emotions were overwhelming. "I mean, you went to all that trouble to have a baby, and you got me. Probably didn't seem fair."
"Uly," she began, brushing the hair out of his eyes and laying her hand on the side of his face. "One day you'll have a child, and you'll understand how that love feels. It was worth it." She took him in her arms and pressed her lips to his head. "All of it," she added in a whisper, as if to herself.
