I am sorry! I never ever meant to leave it this long to update! My life is so hectic at the moment; I have too much work, college teachers breathing down my neck constantly! My sister been six months pregnant and expecting us to do everything for her! It's unreal but I managed to find the time to get out the laptop, plug in my headphones and starting writing! So I hope you enjoy it and aren't too mad at me = (.

I'm going to stop waffling now and let you read!

Enjoy! =)

When I next awoke, the sun was just rising. The sky full of pinks, lilacs and oranges. My body was still cold of course it was nowhere near as cold as it was last night. I lay under a huge number of blankets, my face just poking out. I didn't have much energy but managed to turn my face around. Jack lay next to me with a few blankets wrapped around him. He was sleeping, but his face was pale and deep bags lay under his eyes. His hair was scruffy from the ice and his breathing deep, his arm resting over my stomach.

There were two other survivors in the boat. One a Chinese man, he sat up on the bench a blanket wrapped round his shoulders. His back slouched over and his hands grasped together. His eyes stared blankly ahead of him, unblinking. His face showed no emotion like his spirit had been killed. I don't even think he was aware anymore.

Another man lay next to him. He was awake but you wouldn't think it. He didn't say a word, he didn't move. A dried blooded cut was noticeable on the side of his head. His face a twist of pain and grief, he lay on his side curled up like foetus a sign of vulnerability and fear.

So many lost just last night. The whole thing just didn't seem real at all. I couldn't believe me and Jack were actually still here. The only thing that continued to remind me of the horror of last night was the shiver that went down my spine every time I thought about been in that water.

It's like a thousand knives stabbing you all over your body...

The muffled screams of those who were in the same situation still ringing in my eyes. I blinked and looked back up at the sky. I couldn't help but think why us? Why us out of all those thousands of people who died, why did we survive? Someone out there was looking out for us. In Jack's words we're the luckiest sons of a bitches in the world.

My leg felt strangely tight and secure, I didn't have the effort to see how it was. That was the last thing on my mind at the moment in time.

I couldn't help but wonder what happened to Rose. She disappeared so fast after the incident. Did she even make it out? I scolded myself why did I even care? Me and Jack had made it despite all the odds. No matter how hopeless and disastrous the situation looked, we held on for our dear life. We had survived. Surely that was all that mattered?

Yeah right.

"Did err, did errm any other boats go back Lowe?" An oar man asked the officer in the charge, the one who had pulled us from the icy Atlantic, who assured us everything was going to be ok now.

Lowe lowered his head. "One I think,"

"One?" The oar man repeated in a tone of shame and disgust.

"Yes,"

There was a deathly silence and the atmosphere was thick with unanswered questions. Sheer frustration, anger and bewilderment.

"How many souls?" the curious oar man asked.

Lowe shook his head. "Unknown,"

And that was the end of the conversation.

A whistle could be heard and Lowe snapped his head up. Jack stirred and woke from his peaceful dreams; his bright blue eyes looked into me. We didn't say anything, we didn't need to.

Slowly but surely, we both managed to sit up. All around us lifeboats gathered together, and a great ship stood in the centre of it all. We were saved.

Jack squeezed my hand as our lifeboat joined the others. Forced to the back I watched as boat upon boat was unloaded. Passenger after passenger climbed up the ladder onto the ship, slowly and emotionally. Several crying hysterically as they tumbled aboard. I looked for Cora and the others. Nervously picking the skin on the side of my thumb.

"Where is she Jack? Why aren't her and Bert boarding the ship?" I asked my voice going squeaky with emotion.

Jack's lip trembled. "Cassia, I don't..."

"Don't say it; don't say they didn't make it Jack. Just give me that hope, we survived didn't we? So they could of too right?" I spluttered trying to reassure myself.

Jack didn't say anything he just slowly put his arm round me and I pushed my head into his chest. I didn't want to believe that all our friends were gone. I couldn't believe it.

Our boat was next to board. As we prepared to climb to safety, it was then we noticed the man who had been curled up on the floor, now laying flat out on his back his eyes closed and his body motionless. Lowe's eyes scanned us all before looking down at the man. Quickly he moved down to the floor and began trying to shake him awake.

"Hoyte," Lowe said seemingly calm at first. After all there was nothing to say that he hadn't just fallen asleep?

I could feel my heart beginning to race and a lump rising up in my throat. I didn't even know the man.

"William Hoyte, can you hear me?" Lowe asked shaking him but he did not stir. I pushed my face into Jack's shoulder and hid away. Like I said I didn't know the man, but he was so close, so close to surviving this. To going back to his family, just to say. "I'm here! Look I made it,"

If only...

Another life snatched away towards the final hurdle. A blanket was draped over the body and it was carefully lifted aboard the ship. Lowe took his cap off in respect and held it to his chest. A slight pause was heard followed by a piercing scream and dramatic sobbing; making us all bow our heads in pity for the family he had left behind at the last minute.

"Your turn Cassia," Jack whispered to me.

Lowe held his hand out to me, I took it and tried to stand but my legs shook so much. The officer reached out his arms and lifted me aboard.

"You're gonna be alright," He said softly to me.

When I was on the deck I stumbled into one of the nurses arms. She held me protectively, she felt oh so warm and soft. She rubbed my back gently. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't prise myself away from her but she didn't mind.

Jack followed almost immediately after. We were both wrapped in warm blankets and given hot drinks.

"Here you go, get this down ya. Had the blankets all laid out in front of fires for ya. Give ya some warmth," The kind nurse said placing the cup into my shaking hands.

"Let's get ya's both checked out," She said smiling and linking my arm through hers. Jack came to my other side and squeezed my arm gently.

The walk to the infirmary was agonising. Both physically and emotionally, all the survivors waiting for their loved ones, their faces drained and full of emotion, falling with disappointment each time someone walked past who they weren't waiting for. Each time getting harder and harder to keep the brave face going as the chances got slimmer and slimmer

I couldn't bear to look it was heartbreaking. Children, normally bubbly and excited, full of energy sat or laid on the floor. Ghost's of their former selves.

Mother's and wives normally the caring ones. The one's who gave hope, sorted out the situation; the strong ones had just given up.

Families destroyed, loved ones missing, friends had just gone.

That night took so many innocent souls, but it didn't just take that. It took the spirits of the survivors. They would never feel the same again. Many would just sit around wait to die, wait to live, wait for an absolution that would never come.

I could feel myself getting angrier and angrier. My skin itched, my insides burned, my breathing got deeper. I just wanted to scream and shout, release the rage inside of me.

"Cassia are you ok?" Jack asked.

"No!" I shouted Jack seemed taken aback by my outrage; the three of us stopped moving.

"No I'm not ok! Look around us Jack! How can I possibly be ok when all these people are suffering! When so many died, Tommy, Will, Alanzo, Bert and Cora, Jack," My voice beginning to crack under the emotion.

"Little Cora, she was five! Five years old!" I screamed before bursting into tears. Jack rushed to my side but it was too late my body crumpled and I fell to the floor sobbing hysterically. Jack followed me down and kneeled next to me, wrapping his arms round me. He rocked me while I sobbed.

The nurse understanding we needed to be left alone stepped back giving us some space and time to grieve.

"They will be happy Cassia, wherever they are they will be happy," He soothed.

"Listen to me," Jack said and he gently prised my face away from his chest and held it in his hands making me look at him. He brushed away my tears with his thumbs.

"We have to keep going for them, live each day as if it was our last coz we're lucky Cassia, we're lucky to be here don't give up on me,"

I slowly nodded understanding every word he was saying to me he was right, we had to keep going.

I wiped my face with the sleeve of my jacket, and let Jack help me to my feet. The nurse still smiling returned to our aid, and brushed my arm before we continued to the infirmary.

We were lucky, and we had to keep going. I wasn't going to give up not now not ever.

You actually don't understand how good I feel finally updating this story! I hope you all liked it anyways. I thought I would mention that in the film only one boat went back Lifeboat 14 which was like led by Harold Lowe, however earlier on another lifeboat went back first, it was lifeboat 4 led by Quartermaster Perkins. He saved five people from the water but only three survived and Lowe picked up four, one of them been William Hoyte. He was a real passenger from New York who died in the lifeboat, very sad when you think about it. I think there was a boat that managed to pick up quite a few officers but I'm not sure. Anyways remember to review and I will try and update soon!

Until next time

Leah xx