I know it's been forever. Writers block sucks but I'm pushing through it. I got a great response to the last chapter, and I know a lot of you are wondering why Bella didn't just relinquish her rights to Edward. It was a mistake on her part, she wasn't thinking about anything but running. Don't worry, everything will work itself out.
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.
Chapter 29
BPOV
My eyelids are heavy, but sleep is the last thing I want to do. Powdery snow swirls past the window I've been staring out of since boarding the ragged but efficient Greyhound bus. For seventy-five dollars I secured a one way ticket to Portland, Oregon. I don't know what I'll do when I get there…When I boarded the bus I didn't think my measly savings would get me by for long and I started to panic—that was until I found an envelope stuffed in one of the pockets in my bag as the bus started rolling. Through tear laden eyes I counted five thousand dollars.
Rosalie, that crazy bitch.
She's been too kind to me. Maybe one day we'll cross paths, and I'll pay her back every cent.
There are ten people on the bus including myself. We're all quiet, lost in our own thoughts I suppose—scattered around the bus with no one person sitting too close to the other. The heater on the bus is either broken or faulty because the tip of my nose is freezing, and even through my heavy clothes and winter coat, I'm chilled to the bone.
My body aches…I'm tired…I'm scared…I miss Edward…I miss my baby.
Self-sacrifice is a bitter pill to swallow. I've only had to worry about myself when running away, never having to look back because there was nothing holding me there…But I've literally left my heart in Seattle. As cruel as that city may have been to me, it also gave me Edward and a family that was too good to be true. They'll always be a part of my life, a time I was truly happy.
Of course I feel horrible for what I've done…I never thought I'd admit it, but I do feel heavy remorse. My leaving had to happen in order for Edward and I to move forward. Hours of thinking brought me here, to this place where I realize we were holding each other back.
Edward was in love with the idea of me.
I was blinded by the comfort he gave…But past demons are what motivated our relationship. I truly believe that.
Rosalie told me the story because Edward couldn't.
A few weeks before I went into labor we were out at lunch—Rosalie spilled everything. How his wife had slipped into depression after the car accident killed their child and left her barren. She became an alcoholic and spiraled out of control, which ultimately led to her death.
I had already pieced some things together on my own, but hearing it from her mouth was hard.
My poor, loving Edward wasn't over Jane's suicide. What a traumatic experience to come home and find the love of your life dead in a bathtub, her heart no longer beating because she made the decision to stop it permanently. There's no way he can be over that—it makes so much sense. Him taking me and keeping me in his home, taking care of me, loving me and my unborn child…He was using me to fill the empty gap in his heart that his wife's death left behind.
I was a needed distraction for a man who was tormented by his own self- imposed loneliness, and I'm okay with that. In turn, he was the same for me. I'm a scared nine year old girl trapped in a woman's body that's fucked up by her past. In his arms I found what I needed; comfort, protection, strength…and love.
But our relationship was toxic. We couldn't truly open up to each other and with both of us having suffered through such frightening experiences it was only a matter of time before everything blew up in our faces. I could feel it happening—feeling stifled by his constant need to be right there at all times, dependent on it even. He didn't want to be away from me ever. Sometimes it was like that for me too, especially coming up on the end of my pregnancy.
It wasn't healthy to continue down that path, and yes I made the decision to take myself out of the equation entirely. I took away his choices when I left and as selfish as it may be it had to be done, because I'm sure sooner or later we would have fallen apart anyway.
My leaving was necessary if only to heal my mind and find my way, not through prostitution, but through actually living as normal of a life as I can. There are things that I want, like getting my GED, going to college and majoring in something that I love…The only thing I truly love is cooking. I'm good at that—maybe I'll go to culinary school. No, I have to be more realistic. Whatever I decide to do I know it will alter the rest of my life…I'm looking forward to it.
"Excuse me Miss?" A throat clears beside me. My head whipped around at the sound and I peer up at a man with wary eyes. I immediately go into defense mode. What does he want? Why is he talking to me?
He's older, maybe in his late fifties. His skin is wrinkled and his salt and pepper beard covers most of his face. My nervous eyes meet his. "Is this yours?" He holds out a shaky hand, a small golden locket dangles from it.
There's no doubt that the necklace is mine—the stupid necklace that the police gave to me after Renee died. I don't know why I've carried the damn thing around with me for so long… The mystery of what I may find inside has to be why I haven't tossed it by now.
I reach out and gently take the necklace from the kind old man. "Thanks."
"Your welcome ma'am. You make sure to keep up with it now, I'd hate for you to lose it."
I want to tell him that I could give zero fucks if I lost it since it belonged to the devil herself, but I swiftly nod and tangle it up in my hand. He smiles and shuffles back to his seat.
I roll the smooth texture of the gold locket and chain around in my hand. For the first time in years I actually look at it. On the outside it's a simple gold heart, but when I look closer there are small swirls etched into it. I turn it over and again note the same. It's quite pretty, which is odd because anything Renee owned tended to be gaudy and flashy, you know, tacky. To know that she wore something like this around her neck each day in all its simplicity is a little strange.
With a deep breath I decide to open the forbidden locket. In the years since her death I've been tempted but never had the courage to actually look inside. So why now? Is it because I've finally realized that Renee is gone and she's not coming back? The bitch can't threaten to cut off my fingers now…
I flick the sides of the heart apart and slowly open it…
CS
RH
Forever
Whoa, didn't expect that.
I don't know—I was thinking more along the lines of a tiny bomb exploding in my face, or a picture of her devilish mug staring back at me…But this? I feel stupid for being so afraid to open it all these years.
RH, well that must stand for Renee Higginbotham…I can't think of anything it could possibly be.
But who the hell is CS?
Did that bastard Phil know his woman wore a necklace with another man's initials etched into it? Assuming it's a man's initials—I don't think Renee swung that way. I mean, obviously whoever this person is was important to her at some point in her life or else she wouldn't have guarded the locket so fiercely. She didn't have any close friends…
I'm at a complete loss…
As all these thoughts rush to my head I feel the bus jerk and slow down. The driver Stew, as he wants to be called, announced we would be taking a thirty minute pit stop in a small town called Port Angeles. The short dumpy man stood and stretched before sliding the door open and stepping off. A few people got up to exit the bus and I decided I better use the bathroom and get a snack. I stood with my bag, my stomach still heavy and protruding outward, and moved down the small isle toward the exit. It was snowing pretty heavily when I stepped outside and from the looks of the clouds overhead it wasn't stopping anytime soon.
EPOV
My head is spinning.
Our family lawyer is going over my options on what I'll likely have to do in order to get Claire back. He droned on and on for hours…hours I could have spent fighting for my daughter. It doesn't matter that I signed her birth certificate as her father, I'm not blood and it wasn't enough for DCFS to allow me to keep her. In their eyes she was abandoned and therefore a ward of the state.
Little do those bastards know, I'm going to fight for that little girl. I'll fight so hard they won't know what hit them.
Damn you Bella—why did you do this?
I can't sleep…I can't eat…Not only am I fighting for Claire but I'm also fighting for my sanity. I'm back to square one. Before Bella I was lost in my own loneliness, missing a wife who selfishly chose to leave me behind. And then I meet a woman who made me feel alive again. She tested me, made me question myself on many occasions, but she taught me so much. She taught me how to love again, truly and deeply. Bella administered the ultimate betrayal, and for what? Because she's scared?
We all get scared, but it doesn't help to keep running when the going gets tough. She left me and her daughter behind because, like Jane, she's selfish. Bella has never depended on anyone to help her, and I had hoped that the time we were together she learned to trust that I would take care of her. It wasn't enough obviously because she still left.
I'm sad…I'm angry…I'm pissed the fuck off.
"Are you listening Edward?" It takes me a moment to realize Jenks is talking to me. When I acknowledge him my lack of a reply is enough to let him know I wasn't listening, and in fact he's taking too fucking long.
"I was saying that in applying to be a foster parent you will have to complete a pre-service and training application. You'll need letters of reference, criminal record checks, verification of income-"
"For what? Why do I need to do all of this? I had a relationship with her mother—I signed her birth certificate for crying out loud!"
"Edward, please calm down." My father rests a hand on my shoulder and I immediately reel in my anger. I'm glad he's here with me because I slowly feel like I'm losing my grip.
"I know this is a lot to take in and I'm sorry for what you're feeling, but these are the rules. We want to make sure that you have everything you need when it's time to get her back." Jenks said, looking sadly at me. I don't want his pity.
"How long do you think all of this will take?" My dad asked.
"The process is different for everyone. Sometimes it can take a few months, sometimes a few years."
My last bit of restraint was crushed. "A few years? Are you kidding me? That's my daughter you're talking about. I need her back, NOW!"
"Edward-"
"No dad I can't sit around wasting time. The longer I wait means there's a chance that somebody out there will get my daughter. I want her here with me!"
"We have to follow the rules son. It's the only way."
"No, it can't be the only way."
"Mr. Cullen? Would you happen to know anyone in your family who is a foster parent?" Jenks asked my father.
"Well, Esme and I were foster parents, but-"
His words hit me like a ton of bricks.
"Since when?"
He sighs and runs a hand through his hair, much like I do when under pressure. "Do you remember little Maria?"
"Our cousin?" She was a cute little thing; black curly hair, olive skin, and the brightest blue eyes I had ever seen. She lived with us for a while one summer…I think I was ten.
"Well, that's what we told you kids. We were Maria's foster parents. Her mother was our friend and she was going through a difficult time. She asked your mother and I if we would take Maria and raise her. Of course we couldn't say no, she was so young and I couldn't think about her being out there with people she didn't know. So we went through the process and were granted custody but it only lasted through the summer…That was such a long time ago."
"Would you be willing to take guardianship of the baby until Edward can complete all that he needs?" Jenks asks my father.
"Of course. We'll help in any way that we can."
"Why didn't you say anything, dad?" This could have maybe been avoided had he spoken sooner. Having Claire ripped from my arms about killed me and he was by my side the entire time. He picked me up off the floor when I fell to my knees in grief…He's been doing so much for me—if he would have said something, maybe they wouldn't have taken her. Maybe they would've given me more time.
"I really didn't think it was an option. That was some eighteen years ago son. The question is, are we even still considered as foster parents?"
"I'll check around." Jenks rifles through his brief case.
"You'd really do this, dad?"
He smiles so proudly it's infectious. "Do you even have to ask? We want her here with us. If you're sure this is what you want then I'm all in."
I can't help myself; I throw my arms around him.
"Great," Jenks says, "I'll make the call."
BPOV
"Alright folks, it looks like this storm isn't letting up. We're approaching the city of Forks as we speak and unfortunately I will have to stop here for the night. I have called ahead to the Forks Lodge Hotel where they are graciously willing to accommodate you. I'm sorry for the inconvenience."
Stupid, dumb snow messing up my plans. I guess my desire to get out of Washington isn't happening as fast as I want it to.
Forks is a small, deserted town. It looked to have one major street and a few buildings here and there…Depressing is what I call it. The folks at the Forks Lodge Hotel were so glad that they had visitors they offered the rooms up for free. Myself and the other nine strangers disbursed.
My room is number 4.
It was small and smelled musky, like it had been closed up for a long time. I sit my things on the bed and look around. A small couch in front of an even smaller window is to my right; the bathroom is to my left. Hey, it's a step up from the crappy hotels I lived out of for years.
The bruises underneath my eyes are awful. My boobs are the size of melons and hurt like a bitch. It doesn't hit me until I've showered and turned out all the lights that I'm so tired, and sleep comes easy.
.
.
.
The next day comes and it doesn't look like we're going anywhere. The snow hasn't stopped; in fact I think it's doubled. I brave the cold and walk to a small store where I grab a bag of chips and a Pepsi; I figure it would hold me over for a while. I huddle up in my hotel room for the rest of the day.
.
.
.
After the second day of being stranded in this little town I start to get antsy. The bus can't move because the snow is too high and the roads are too slick. Unfortunately I can't get out of the hotel so a complimentary breakfast, lunch, and dinner are served in the dining room of the hotel, which is rarely used I overhear. I kind of feel bad for them.
I eat alone, never getting too close to anyone.
That night as I lay in bed, listening to the wind howl outside the small window, it feels as though this snow is trying to keep me here. I try…I try so hard not to think about Edward. Tears spring to my eyes and the knot in my throat swells—I miss him, so fucking much.
.
.
.
I look up and down the street, and there's nobody to be seen.
Of course not, it's the third freaking day of being stuck in this god forsaken town and the snow is just letting up. About nine at night my stomach is grumbling. I can't take any more of the horrible crap the hotel is passing off as food, so I decide to brave the weather once again and go search for something to eat.
Right next door was Forks Diner, not sure why I hadn't noticed it before. One of the strangers from the bus is sitting in a booth drinking coffee—I offer him a small smile and find my own seat in the back.
"Good evening sweetheart. The name's Mary. What can I get cha'?" A short woman with brown hair carrying a pot of coffee and smacking on a piece of gum is breathing down my neck before I can even remove my coat.
Talk about prompt service.
I scan the menu. "What's good here?"
"Everything darling. You look like a burger and fry girl and we make some of the best in these parts." She smiles smugly. That gets my mouth watering.
"Sounds great. I'll take a cheeseburger then."
"Sure. What can I get you to drink?"
"Water is fine."
"Sure. I'll be right back."
Prompt service indeed.
Two seconds later she's back. "Here you are sweetie." She places a large cup of water on the table.
"Thanks."
"You here visiting?" She asks, obnoxiously popping her gum.
"Uh, no. My bus had to stop here because of the storm."
"Oh, where ya headin'?"
I don't want to be rude…I could easily tell her to fuck off but I'm trying to be more positive.
"I'm sorry; I don't mean to be in your business. We don't get to see many new faces around here often. You look so familiar." She eyes me, focusing on my face like she's seen me before.
"I'm not from around here."
"I know but you bare a striking resemblance to someone I know…Oh well, you enjoy now."
"Thanks." I watch her disappear into the back of the diner.
What does she mean I look familiar?
A huge burger with all the fixings and a separate plate of fries is placed in front of me. This may possibly change my life…I roll up my sleeves, take a deep breath, and bite right down into my burger.
Talk about blow your fucking mind!
It could be that I haven't properly eaten in days but I scarf down my food like an animal. I don't even care that I see Mary smiling from behind the counter at the sight of me devouring everything in my sight. Again with her prompt service she brings me a piece of berry cobbler and ice cream, on the house.
"Any girl who can eat an entire diner burger is a champ in my book." She says with a wink.
I'm finishing off the last of my cobbler when the bell above the door jingles. A tall man steps in, but my eyes don't linger enough to catch sight of his face.
"Well, if it isn't the chief. The usual?"
"You know it."
Once I'm finished I flag down Mary with a satisfied smile. "All finished sweet?"
"Yeah, everything was great."
"I'm glad to hear that." I take notice for the first time how cute and petite she is. She stands by the table wearing a plain white tee and jeans and she looks so comfortable I'm jealous. Her brown hair is up in a hairnet and she wore a perky smile as she talks to me. Her eyes are a deep chocolate brown, kind of like mine oddly enough.
She's checking me out too, not in a weird way though. She's not hitting on me or anything, it's more like she's trying to figure me out—and I find that I'm doing the same.
Breaking our little stare down I ask, "Can I have the check?"
"Yep," she responds with a shake of her head. "I'll go get that for you." She doesn't move right away, but when she does it's with slow, unsure steps.
Something heavy has settled into the air—it's making me nervous.
"Renee?"
My head snaps up with a surge of panic. That name…that damn name inflicts fear in me even now. I look around for the voice and come eye to eye with the tall man I heard Mary call Chief. He's standing at the counter but his entire body is facing me.
"Excuse me?"
Can he see the panic in my eyes?
Can he tell how terrified just hearing that name makes me?
"I'm sorry," he sighs," I thought you were someone I know."
Just as Mary came back to give me the check I watch with bated breath as he does a double take between the two of us.
"Here you are sweet." She follows my gaze and almost stumbles back into the seat across from me.
What the hell is going on?
Renee? He called me Renee!
Why did he call me that name?
Mary's eyes switch back and forth, along with my eyes, and the eyes of this chief guy.
I have to know…I have to know why he called me that. "Excuse me?" I move to stand between the two of them because I want his undivided attention. As I move closer, my heart about to burst out of my chest, he looks at me and it's like looking at myself.
Oh…My…
"Why did you call me Renee?"
He gives me a funny look, almost like he doesn't want to tell me. "You…you…remind me of someone I used to know-"
"Renee Higgenbothem." I blurt out. Shock registers in his face. The same I'm sure is reflected in mine.
"Who are you?" I'm swelling with tears, with rage, with absolute astonishment. This can't be happening. Not here—in this Podunk town that I've never heard of.
"My name is Charlie…Swan."
Swan…
"Are you Isabella?" He asks, but he didn't need to because I already know he knows who I am. The question is how?
"I go by Bella. How…" I trail off as the gravity of the situation settles on me.
There's a sudden intake of breath beside me. I don't even have to look, I know its Mary.
He clears his throat. "We've never met, but I do know you."
I take a step back, bumping into the table I was sitting at. "Dude you're freaking me out. How do you know me?"
"Charlie?" Mary gives him this are you sure kind of look. He gently nods, never once looking away from me.
We have the same eyes…All three of us. His has a sort of haziness to them that can best be described as a mist that you see hanging in cool air in early morning fog. His skin is smooth aside from the crow's feet forming around his eyes. Brown hair cut kind of short on his head and a severe mustache on his upper lip… I can see some of my features.
I know what's coming before he even says it. "Well, I don't know how to say this but…Bella, I'm your father."
Father?
Such a foreign word and yet it floors me to my very core. It swirls around me; where nothing makes sense but I'm floating between reality and all the lies I've been told. It's real—it's really happening.
The snow kept me here for a reason.
"You're…you're…CS?"
It hits me like a ray of light…And then, everything goes black.
A/N: Took me long enough right. Well I hope you guys liked it. Sorry if it's rushed and predictable, I'm trying to move it along. Let me know what you think, and I would also love to hear some of your thoughts about where you think the story is headed. Until next time lovelies…MUAH
