This took so long to upload that I forget how much different music I listened too so yeah…


'I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear'

–Nelson Mandela


Chapter Twenty-Nine:

Most days, I'd kill to be given a day off from school. The schemes that my friends and I had put to test in all our years at Hogwarts were almost infinitely phenomenal, almost to the point where the masters didn't listen to us (all except from Remus as he was a student who enjoyed school) when we complain of stomach boils or carnivores slugs under our skin.

But now was a complete different story. It was now, more than ever, that I didn't want to be left alone. I wanted to be surrounded by people. I wanted them to take my mind away from all of the little things that crept their way into my mind like sludgy black ink leaking from a spilled pot onto the blank page of my mind.

No, not blank. My mind if filled. Positively filled with positivity. If I had to imagine my mental state as a book, it'd probably be like that of Leonardo Di Vinci's journals – illegible scribbled in backwards, up-side-down and back-to-front. Only ever to make sense to myself and those passionate enough to spend the time decoding its secrets.

Right, secrets. The little monsters. The creeping ink. I never did like secrets; of course I kept them for those of whom the keeping of said secrets was a necessary act.

So, sitting here in bed, feeling like a fidgety livewire wanting to sprint to class and be immersed in spells and magic and potions where my brain was too busy to think of crazy ramblings of past artists and the like, I let out a small sigh. The sound felt abnormal as my voice was the only sound in the room aside from a ticking of a fast clock quite far away. It'd been quiet for far too long. I needed to do something, hear something, feel something or I might have gone insane.

But still, I was restless.

Because I needed to know something. I needed to simply know.

And so I slipped out of my bed, bare feet feeling cold and solid on the marble beneath me as they led their body towards the doors. Carefully I eased them open with minimal creaking, but in such stark quiet, every creak sounded like the dragging of nails down a chalk board. Irritating. Loud. Sensitive.

Wolf-like tendencies, indeed.

Without much regret, or any at all in fact, my form morphed from that of a girl into that of a fox and I padded my way towards the Gryffindor Tower, and up into the boys room. In amongst to usual teenage-boy filth I found the Marauders Map at the bottom of James's trunk with a rather creepy picture of Lily yelling, her cheeks the colour of beetroot in anger. Probably because he had a camera in her face, but who can know for sure?

Clutching the folded parchment in my jaws, I left without a trace, running through the near-empty halls and dodging the unaware glances of Professors. It's funny how even the brightest witches and wizards still forget to look down.

Eventually I came across the entrance to Dumbledore's Office, and opened the Marauders Map to see the password clearly written there.

"Lemon liquorish," I whispered quickly to the ghastly stone gargoyle which revealed the door for me with a scowl.

Inside, the room was circular with walls covered in window and the portraits of since gone headmasters. Dumbledore's private library filled the bookshelves and a number of spindly tables were situated around the room covered in a number of different silver instruments and experiments and puffed white smoke.

Everything was quiet but the creaking of my feet on the floorboards which felt alien and loud with every step. I almost jumped out of my skins when Fawkes screeched and I turned around to see the Headmaster leaning over a pensive in the corner, he turned around.

"Ah, I was wondering when I'd be seeing you, Riley," Dumbledore smiled, a gleam in his bright blue eyes, "Come, take a seat," he gestured to the chair facing is desk and lead me over.

We sat down opposite each other, "Toffee?" he offered me the bowl, plucking one out for himself. I declined; food didn't go down well with my medication right now.

The ancient man let out a sigh, "So, Riley, I'm guessing you have questions for me. It seems you been going through a trying time at late. I do hope those scares heal, Remus has been beside himself even since he got you,"

My eyebrows shot up, "How did you know…"

Dumbledore chuckled, "I've seen many things in my time, and I can tell the difference between a Hippogriff's and a Werewolf's mark and that there is defiantly a cursed scar. It was a very fearless thing you did, following your friend into the Shrieking Shack… a very foolish things too,"

"I don't regret it, Sir" I said stubbornly.

"And I doubt you ever will, you're a fearless one, I'll give you that. Why do you do it?" the old man asked.

I let out a deep breath, "Because, Sir, I cannot stand to sleeping while I know my friend is out there in pain, all alone without any help,"

Dumbledore nodded, "Hmm, I guessed as much… and I believe you're here today for the exact same reason; you cannot stand to sit there and do nothing while you know others are putting their lives on the line,"

I perked up a bit, "So you understand, Sir? Why I have to join?"

His smile hardened into a grimace, "You do not have to join anything, Riley. This is a life changing choice, and you are rushing it. You cannot join the Order; you are too young and too fearless,"

I gave his a confused look, "But Sir, isn't fearlessness good? Aren't that and bravery worthy qualities?"

"But bravery and fearlessness are not the same, Riley," Dumbledore gave me a sympathetic smile, "To be brave is to walk into battle with your head held high knowing you probably won't walk away, to be fearless is to charge in without understanding the gravity of the situation. Of course you need a little of both to get through anything. But you have not yet learnt to fear, child, you are young and new to the world, ready to face it all as it comes. You don't know your boundaries and this is why you cannot join, I am sorry,"

"So you're saying, Professor, I should fear? I should be scared?" I looked at him, with surprise in my eyes.

He shook his head, "What I'm saying is that you need perspective. There is a war coming, and it will shake our society at its very core. It will break us all if we don't prepare ourselves. There will be blood, there will be pain, there will be death and this is not what I want for you, young Riley,"

"And you think I wouldn't be able to handle it, Sir?" I questioned.

The headmaster frowned, "No, I think you'll be able to handle it… because if you can't, well, you'll die,"

"I'm not scared, Professor," I protested.

"That's the point, child," Dumbledore smiled ever so slightly, "You should be,"


I hope that's okay, sorry that it's a bit short.

Please review!