-:- My Autistic Brother -:-

Author: deunan4eva

Summary: At his young age, Nate River was mis-diagnosed. Bored, Mihael Keehl wants nothing to do with the boy who screams and bangs his head on the wall. But slowly, through a poetry journal Roger forces him to keep, Mello begins to see that Near may need more help then he lets on…

BeforeNote:

AAAAH! i've been so terribly busy over the last few weeks - PLEASE PLEASE FORGIVE MEEEEEE! updates have all been put on hold, partly because of the busyness and partly because i've been suffering from writers block and ANOTHER PART because i'm a very sad, do-nothing slacker! XD exams are finally over! WOOOO! and term 2 is just about finished! IN TWO WEEKS -I PARTY! HOLIDAAAAAYSSSS! WOOOOOO!

BUT ANYHOW! LET'S ALL SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO bffs4evamattandmello AND YOU MUST ALL SEEK HER OUT ON THIS SITE AND HUG THE FLAMIN' KRAZZZLES OUTA HER!
GO! NOW!

DARLIN'! THIS IS THE SECOND HALF OF YOUR BIRTHDAY PREZZIE! ^_^

- Mercy

which has strangely left me with nothing else to say...(and somewhat out of breath...) XD


Mello's Journal Entry #29

7/10/97 (July 10th, 1997)

-:-

I'd like to say that I've done well in writing this journal – it was supposed to be handed in a long time ago, by I don't think Roger really minds. In fact, what harm would it do if I didn't actually hand it in at all? He wouldn't miss it and if I ever needed a reference in the future, it would be right here, waiting for me. Of course, I'd be older then and probably think about how childish this seemed at the time.

Seriously. What kind of eight-year-old "genius" keeps a journal?

One of the older kids in the junior wing asked me that the other day, and I told him that it was the kind that cares. Near and Matt had been sitting with me, and they both put on their bravest faces, too. The kid backed down and left us alone after that.

Although if there's something I can quite clearly say I haven't accomplished about keeping this journal, it's the poetry. Even I have to admit, I don't know what I was thinking when Roger talked me into this. Looking back through the pages, I can see the poems I wrote were okay, I guess, but I feel older, more mature, now that I have some more perspective, thanks to Dr Lenkov.

Then again, I guess another reason I don't want to hand this in is because Roger will know just by reading it that I haven't written any poems for a long time. And I don't think I want to hand it in, either – keeping a journal is something that is almost routine for me now, writing down what's been happening every couple of days, keeping myself up-to-date and organized.

When I told L this over the phone yesterday, he laughed and said he was never organized. I heard in the background Watari's tired comment on how L was forever leaving a cake-crumb trail in his wake, or a lolly wrapper, or perhaps a few sprinkles – always something that told Watari where he was. L had chuckled at that too and simply rebuked Watari's comment (rebuked means to make a comeback) by saying that Watari didn't need crumbs – he was just too smart for L to hide from him. And I guess it was kinda big of L to admit something like that, too.

Anyway. I'm lying on the floor of our dorm, writing this, waiting for Dr Lenkov to pick us up. Matt's up on my bed, playing his thumbs off on that Gameboy that Roger gave him, and Near is sitting next to me, working his way through a sudoku puzzle book that Wendy dug out of her handbag about a week ago. I don't know how he does those things – I've tried and managed to solve five puzzles before I gave up.

Dr Lenkov is picking up the three of us so that we can get Near to see specialist who could determine if Near needed to have any sort of scans to see if he had anything like cancer or something. But Dr Lenkov had insisted that Matt and I be there, too, because he knew that Near would flat-out refuse anything unless one or both of us were there. I was really glad that he was responsive to Matt, and that Matt and I weren't fighting anymore, since it meant I could catch up on some of the schoolwork I'd gotten behind in over the past few weeks. Matt seemed happy enough to look after Near and keep him occupied while I was working, but I knew he wasn't great at keeping anything but himself occupied for more than a short period of time.

'Hey,' Matt said, looking up from his Gameboy with a grin. 'Why is a dog better than a girlfriend?'

I rolled my eyes. Two days ago he'd found one of the senior wing kids notebooks lying around in the library – and had found a heap of dirty jokes in it. Some were funny, others were just plain gross.

'Why?'

He snickered.

'Coz after a year of having them, the dog is still excited to see you,' he cackled, and I snorted. That was an okay one, I guess.

'Oh – oh, here's a good one…' Matt said. He'd picked up the senior wing kids notebook again, and was going through it. 'Little Johnnie was in the playground…'

'No little Johnnie jokes!' I cried over the top of his voice, startling Near slightly. 'No more! I've heard so many of those my ears are gonna bleed!'

Matt laughed so hard he fell back on my bed, but I wasn't so amused. Near gave us both funny looks, and then went back to his sudoku. There were definitely some jokes in that book that I didn't want to hear.

A knock at the door made us all stop, and I scrambled up. Opening the door, I came face to face with Dr Lenkov.

'Mello,' he smiled. 'Good to see you again.'

'And you,' I nodded, and Matt and Near stood, Matt stretching and pocketing his Gameboy.

'Ready to go, boys?' he asked as Matt and Near came up behind me. We nodded, and followed him out. Roger and Wendy were waiting for us in the foyer. Wendy hugged us all (Matt wasn't too keen on the idea, but he let her anyway), and she told us to not talk to strangers, smile and say hello when adults say hello, be on our best behaviour, etcetera. Roger told us that we might not understand a lot of what the people around us say, and he said that if anything troubles us, we were to ask Dr Lenkov, who agreed. A few of the other kids came to say goodbye, to find out where we were going, and I explained to them that Near needed a check-up.

Some of the kids giggled, other looked worried, but I tried to make myself feel stronger and braver than I knew I was. I didn't want them to think Near wasn't coming back. That happened once with a little girl who was here, about two years ago. Her name was Jenny – one night she woke up the whole junior wing with her crying. She told Roger and Wendy and the other adults that she had a pain in her chest, so painful she could hardly breathe.

Wendy took her to hospital that night, and all us kids were worried, since no one had ever gone to a hospital other than to have flu shots. When Jenny didn't come back the next day, and Wendy did, Wendy told us that Jenny was very sick and needed to stay in hospital for a long time. She told us the doctors had said that we could go see her, and we did. We all made her get well cards and picked flowers from the garden. About ten of us went, her closest friends (I remember her well – she and I used to be spelling buddies in our English class, and she and I would sometimes play in the sandpit together with the other kids).
But when we got to hospital, we found that something had gone wrong between the time Wendy had come back to the orphanage and when we got there. We weren't allowed to see Jenny, but we could hear Wendy crying in the ward while we all sat outside in the plastic chairs, holding our self-blown balloons and cards, our flowers tied with ribbons that Wendy had given us. Wendy came out soon after, and called Roger. Roger was there in about ten minutes, then they both went back into the ward. I remember this so clearly because the other kids were too frightened to listen at the door after Roger and Wendy went back in, so I did. I couldn't hear what the doctors were saying, but about fifteen minutes after that, Roger and Wendy came out, both with red-rimmed eyes, both had been crying, and they ushered us away from the ward, down the cold corridors, back out the big hospital doors, and out into the chilly sunshine of that autumn day. When we asked why couldn't we see Jenny, Roger said that Jenny wasn't going to be coming home. He said that she was so sick, that during the morning after Wendy came home, God had come to make her better.

We all cried because we weren't allowed to see her, and none of us ever saw her again, but I don't think we all understood at the time that what Roger had meant was that Jenny had died. But I understand it now, and I know the others do, too – Lily and Cameron and Nigel in particular – they were some of the others who'd been there that day. All the others had either gone to foster parents or had moved on, but I knew from the looks on Lily, Cameron and Nigel's faces that they remembered. Cameron even came up to me.

'Mello?' she whispered as Roger and Dr Lenkov discussed something about the hospital.

'Yeah?'

'Near's…coming back, right?'

I blinked back, hard. I felt something lodge in my throat because I could see the fear in her eyes when she asked. She'd only have been six at the time Jenny died. Didn't understand much but now she was older, I figured she hadn't had to do too much guessing to figure it out on her own. We were all smart here, smarter than the average kids these days. That's why L chose us – because we would succeed where other kids wouldn't, and we had to be strong for each other.

I forced myself to nod, and then wrapped my arms around her, giving her a big hug. 'Of course he's coming back,' I said. 'Near's going to be fine. We just need to make sure that he stays fine.'

She nodded, and suddenly I felt more arms around my waist – looking down, I saw Near burying his face into my ribcage.

'Hugs,' he mumbled, and Cameron giggled slightly. I put an arm around Near's shoulders, just as another pair of arms wrapped around my own – Nigel was behind me, and then Lily was there beside Cameron, and we were all wrapped up in this big, little-kid hug. Near didn't mind the others too much, but I knew he was slightly uncomfortable, so I reached down and tapped the back of his hand. He looked up at me, and we smiled at each other.

I glanced at Matt, who was standing nearby.

'Want a hug, Matt?'

He looked a little pale at the idea of having to be so close to the rest of us, and shook his head.

'Naaaah,' he said, eyeing the others. 'I'm good.'

I shrugged, but sent him a grin, and his mouth twitched in response. I was glad that he was my friend, even if he wasn't big on hugs.

Roger and Wendy looked down at us, and Dr Lenkov chuckled.

'I think it's time we got going,' he said gently, and Cameron, Nigel and Lily let go, but Near giggled into my shirt and refused to be prised off. So I left him there.

'Take care of him,' Nigel said a little gruffly, scuffing the floor in his socks. 'Bring him home.'

'I will,' I said, giving Lily and Cameron both another hug, and then peeled Near off me and led him by the hand, following Dr Lenkov and Matt out the front entrance.

As we got into the car, I looked back and saw everyone standing by the front entrance of the Wammy's House, up on the front steps. Nigel, Lily and Cameron were waving, putting on their bravest faces, and Wendy and Roger had a hand on their shoulders as they waved to us with their other hands. Dr Lenkov glanced at me and smiled – I was in the passenger seat, Matt was in the back with Near.

But even though Dr Lenkov talked us through everything, even though he said we'd all be fine, that Near would be fine and I could be with him the whole time, I had this sinking feeling of dread that it wouldn't be okay.

That Near might not be coming back.

The hospital is different to Dr Lenkov's clinic. His office was fairly small – but the woman's office we were in was about three meters larger by each measurement – height, width and length. Also, the clean white foyer and the antiseptic smell hit me so hard I started having a reel of flash-back memories from when Jenny had been in here. Near was holding my hand, and he looked up at me when he felt me shudder. I forced myself to take a deep breath, and tried not to look at Matt, who was also watching me, as I followed Dr Lenkov inside. He led us through a waiting room for emergency patients – a quick glance made me wish I hadn't looked. There was a girl with a blood-stained cloth pressed to her knee – she was drying and in her mothers hand there was a big shard of glass that was stained with blood. There was a man and his wife with their child, the mans arm in a cast, and their child in a wheelchair – there was some sort of back brace supporting the child – he couldn't have been much younger than Matt – but my best guess was that the father and son had been in car accident. The woman was rocking the boy back and forth in the wheelchair, and I remembered how, only about a week or so ago, I was also in a wheelchair. My shirt brushes my stitches (I get them out tomorrow), and the pain from Percy stabbing me reminded me of me being in the boys' predicament.

There were a couple of other people – and old man wheezing into a paper bag, a teenage couple looking around boredly and watching the TV that was up in the corner – but Matt nudged me, and I realized I was dawdling. I quickened my steps to catch up.

Finally, after a long, carpeted hallway, Dr Lenkov reached a doorway that was painted white and had the label that read "Neurologist – Dr Sharon Morven". Dr Lenkov knocked, and then waited a moment before a woman's voice came from the other side of the door.

'Come on in – it's open.' Dr Lenkov twisted the handle and opened it – and then stood aside to let us in.

'Come on, Mello – Matt, Near,' he said kindly, and I took another deep breath, and stepped inside. Near followed me, his hand still tight in mine, his other hand to his face and his sleeve in his mouth, and Matt came in after us. 'Boys, this is Dr Morven – she's going to help Near out.'

Dr Morven looked friendly enough. She had long, blonde hair, and long slender legs. She was wearing a long white overcoat like a scientist, and under that a sky blue button-up shirt and a black, knee-length skirt. Her legs were covered by dark stockings and she was wearing dark blue, sensible shoes. Her fair face lifted in a smile when we came in – we must have looked really nervous, because she stood up and came around her desk to greet us, her hand outstretched to each of us in turn.

'Hello!' she said, her voice open and welcoming. 'I've been hearing a lot about you from Dr Lenkov here,' she flashed a grin up at him, and I glanced up to see that he was smiling, too – he looked…content? At ease? I trusted him more than I would trust any other person I've ever met outside the orphanage, and so I tried my best to be polite and on my "best behaviour", as Wendy put it, while we were here. So I shook Dr Morven's hand, and she knelt down on the carpeted floor to greet Near, who shyly hid behind me.

'Hello there – Near, is it?' she said quietly, but Near buried his face in the back of my shirt. I heard Matt giggle a little behind me, but he smothered his voice before Dr Lenkov or Morven could notice.

'No wanna,' Near mumbled, and I prised myself away from him, peeling his hands away from his face where he was covering his eyes. I almost smiled – it was like he thought that, if he couldn't see her, then Dr Morven couldn't see him, either. But one peek behind his hands showed me he was actually blushing. That made me smile.

'It's okay, Near,' I said softly. 'She's going to make you better. Don't you wanna say hi?'

'No wanna,' he murmured again.

'Why not?' I asked, smirking slightly.

'…'

'Near?'

He didn't reply again, only tried to bury his face in my shoulder and wrap his arms around my neck so he wouldn't have to look at anyone. I laughed and peeled him off of me.

'No, Near – I'll give you a hug, but only after you say hello to Dr Morven,' I said, remembering Susan Winters from about five days ago, and how childishly like her Near was acting right now. Finally, Near gave up and stepped back. He turned, but refused to look at Dr Morven.

'H'lo,'

Dr Morven smiled.

'Hello, Near,' she said softly, holding out her hand, but Near, blushing like an idiot, whirled back to me and buried himself into me. I laughed a little and rubbed his back reassuringly.

'Heh heh – ah, he doesn't really like meeting new people,' I said a little sheepishly, and she smiled.

'Don't worry, Mello – I think every has the right to be shy sometimes, don't you?' she winked at me and stood. She shook Matt's hand (I could have sworn he was blushing too – but probably for a different reason to Near), and then turned to Dr Lenkov.

'Shall we?' he asked, and she nodded, stepping across her office to a door that led elsewhere in the labyrinth of this hospital. Opening the door, it swung open to reveal a white-washed room, a long bed standing in the middle of it and a big overhead light hanging above it.

'Come right this way, boys,' she said, and that's when we stepped into the large white room to get Near's head examined.

- Mello


AfterNote:

YAAAY! GO ME IT'S FINISHED! XD finally! i've got the chapter up and finshed! *phew*! AND LIKE I SAID! PLEASE FIND bffs4evermattandmello AND WISH HER A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! ^_^ hope you like it, sweetie - i know i put off uploading it until tonight, but here you go! ^_^

please review, and tell me just how much of a slacker i am ^_^

- Mercy