A/N Hey guys, thanks for all the reviews! Sorry I haven't responded individually. School is hitting me pretty hard right now. But I read all of the reviews and I loved them all! Thank you!
As Promised this one is a request. I don't know how good it is. Like I said, school is hitting hard and that doesn't inspire very much humor. I did my best though and hopefully things will start lightening up soon and I can start getting back on the ball. :)
Thanks to MarvelAndDCWriter for the help! You got me motivated to finish this!
Requested by Autumn's Fire: Honey, feathers, leotards, and tribal war paint. I have faith you can come up with something hilarious.
Exhibit A
Tony and Clint had woken up in very strange places and very strange situations before. They had even woken up wearing dresses. But this time had to make at least the top five strangest wake ups, at least in Clint's mind.
He woke up feeling cold and it was immediately apparent why. He sat up to a very strange sight and had to blink and look again to be sure he wasn't imagining it.
"What-" Clint wasn't even sure how to react to this.
He climbed to his feet and looked down at himself. He was bare-chested and wearing nothing but a leather loincloth around his waist.
He was actually amazed. He had thought that nothing could surprise him anymore and look at that, he was surprised.
A minute later, Clint heard the now familiar sounds of Tony waking up, somewhere nearby, which was followed by a similarly dressed billionaire appearing and coming to stand beside Clint.
"The Tarzan look doesn't really work for us," Clint said.
"I don't know. I think I look kind of good," Tony said, puffing his chest out a bit.
"Well, I don't. So, there."
Tony shrugged. "That's your own problem, Legolas. You should hit the gym or something."
Clint wasn't going to respond until he saw Tony flexing, checking himself out.
"I do workout, everyday. It's kinda what I do at SHIELD," Clint shot back. "But seriously, how are you even that buff? I never see you workout."
"I don't know if you've heard, but I'm Iron Man. The suit is like eighty pounds. You put it on, then go around flying and fighting bad guys, you're gonna see results. It's like the ultimate workout machine."
Clint just rolled his eyes before taking a good look at Tony for the first time since they had woken up.
"What is on your face!" Clint exclaimed as he took in what appeared to be paint smeared all over Tony's face. "It looks like paint."
Tony reached up and felt his face.
"It feels like paint. Oh, and you have it too," he said.
Clint followed Tony's example and felt of his own face before crossing his arms in exasperation, freezing as he did so.
"What is all over my chest?" Clint asked, fingering the sticky substance that was smeared on his bare chest.
"Probably the same thing that's on mine," Tony replied.
"I'm actually not sure I want to know what it is," Clint said.
"It's honey," Tony said, causing Clint to look at him and see his finger stuck in his mouth.
"Please tell me you did not just taste that," Clint said.
"Well, yeah," Tony said with a shrug.
"Seriously? We wake up with some kind of unknown substance on us and the first thing you do is taste it?" Clint asked incredulously. "Tony, how stupid can you be?"
"Well, how else were we supposed to know what it was?" Tony snapped.
"Tony, do you like chocolate covered raisins?" Clint asked out of nowhere.
"Sometimes, why?" Tony asked.
"On the off chance that you are ever in the woods and you see what looks like chocolate covered raisins on the ground, whatever you do, do not taste them, okay?" Clint said.
"Why?" Tony asked again.
"Just promise me," Clint said.
"Okay. Whatever. I won't eat chocolate covered raisins off the ground," Tony said.
"Thank you. Now why do we have honey on our chests?"
"Probably the same reason we shaved FBJ over there." Tony pointed.
Clint turned to see that, once again, FBJ had been completely shaved…and he didn't look too happy about it.
"Well, how do you know it was us who did it?"
The electronic razor sitting on the floor a few feet from them answered his question.
"Man, that has got to be one strong razor to cut through feathers," Clint said.
"Well, of course," Tony said. "It's a Stark razor. It can cut through anything."
"Really? Anything?" Clint asked sarcastically.
"Yeah, it can even cut through your leg hair," Tony snarked.
"Don't be surprised if you wake up bald tomorrow," Clint said, effectively shutting Tony up. "Now I would really like to know what we did last night and why."
"Cue Jarvis," Tony said.
"I have indeed been cued, Sir," Jarvis said as a nearby screen activated showing some kind of security footage.
"Look at you, Jarvis. Anticipating our request," Tony praised as he and Clint began watching the footage.
It didn't take them long to realize that the footage was not of the Tower. It appeared to be of the inside of a museum. The reasoning behind that became apparent as Tony and Clint staggered into the frame wearing the leather loincloths and face paint and also feathers.
"Now we know why we shaved FBJ," Tony said, motioning to the brown feathers that were hanging around their necks and in their hair on the screen.
Their drunk selves staggered over to what appeared to be an exhibit of Native Americans, complete with spears and war paint, and climbed up onto the platform. They each took up a position amidst the wax Indians and became absolutely still. Minutes later, people touring the museum became visible on the footage. The footage then sped up, until the time stamp indicated that an hour had passed. For the full hour Tony and Clint had remained completely still as families and school groups walked by the exhibit.
They couldn't tell for sure, but as Tony and Clint watched the footage they began to suspect that they had fallen asleep in the exhibit. A theory that seemed to gain more credibility as their filmed selves seemed to wake up and stretch before stumbling off the exhibit, obviously still quite drunk, and out of the camera frame.
"Out of a museum full of people, no one notices two drunk white guys sleeping in a Native American exhibit?" Clint asked.
"I've always wanted to do that," Tony said, still watching the video.
"You've always wanted to dress up like an Indian and stand in a pre-America exhibit at a museum?" Clint asked, half incredulously and half sarcastically.
"Yeah, haven't you?" Tony asked curiously.
"No, because I'm actually normal," Clint shot back.
"It seemed like a good idea at the time," Tony said with a shrug before changing the subject. "I wonder where the honey came in?" he mused.
"I don't think I want to know," Clint said. "You know, I still can't believe no one noticed us. Especially while we were in the exhibit. Did people really think we were made of wax and actually a part of the exhibit?" Clint asked.
"I believe that was the case Agent Barton," Jarvis chimed in. "The museum apparently reported the theft of three statues. Two of which were from the Native American exhibit. The police are quite stumped as to how someone managed to steal the statues amidst all the people."
"It sounds almost as if they just got up and walked out the door," Tony laughed.
"Wait!" Clint said causing Tony to stop laughing and look at him. "Jarvis said three statues were stolen. Did we steal a wax statue last night?" he groaned.
"No, Agent Barton, you did not steal a mannequin. You were, however, not alone."
Before Clint could ask what he meant, the footage caught his eye again. The footage had changed from the Native American exhibit to a prehistoric caveman exhibit. The two men watched for just a moment before both of their jaws dropped. Before they could say anything (or bust out laughing), they heard a noise behind them and turned to see, in person, what they had just been looking at on the screen.
There, standing in front of them, from where he had appeared from behind a nearby desk was Bruce, wearing a spotted, one shoulder, Tarzan-style leotard.
